CRUISING FOR TROUBLE
By Nina Adams

PART 3

Summary: In the third of three parts, Erika now experiences feminine bliss and is unsure of where this will take him. His secret comes out and he has to fight his feelings.
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When Mark came to get me he held his hand out and our palms embraced. We strolled down the hall casually holding hands. I was feeling 100% girlish, still not sure what to expect or what I actually wanted. I was no longer the reluctant girl, but I knew I was still male under my façade. As we walked, I was feeling nothing but chills through my veins.

Mark was so polite and nothing like the guys I knew back home. He made me feel special just by his presence and his complete attention to me.

When we checked in to Johnny Rockets the hostess told us it would be about 15 minutes and she gave us one of those pagers that flash when it is our time. We decided to hang out outside under the clear sky that was sprinkled with the most stars I had ever seen. We shared a small space at the railing with our bodies brushing up against each other.

For a short moment there was no conversation between us. I was just looking up at the amazing sky and taking in the pleasant evening breeze. Mark looked over at me and asked, “What are you thinking about?”

I really was not thinking at all. My mind was on ‘cruise’ control and I was just drifting through the moment. I answered, “I was just thinking how wonderful it feels right now and how nice it is to be here with you.”

I was probably a little more forward than my parents would have approved of, but I think I hit the magic chord with Mark.

“I feel exactly the same way being here with you. I am with the most beautiful girl in the most romantic setting and I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this.”

“You are making me blush.”

With that thought still gliding off my tongue, Mark turned completely towards me and put his hands on the inside part of my shoulders. He slowly drew me into his body and guided his lips to mine. It was like an epiphany had swallowed my soul. I felt like I was attending a festival for my senses. I never imagined anything could feel so good and I never questioned that my impulses were anything other than what they should be.

I had wondered what that moment might have felt like, but it exceeded any possible expectation. I knew in that flash that part of me wished I really was Erika, and I wanted to feel more of the passion I was immersed in. We kissed and held each other until our pager went off. It was like it signaled the end of the most significant 15 minutes in my life. My psyche would never be able to erase this magical moment I had no desire to ever forget it.

We floated back into the diner and sat together on the same side of the bench in our booth. We decided to share one giant strawberry sundae. We had a hard time concentrating on the sundae and basically fed each other in an almost erotic fashion. It was playful, but also made me aroused just sitting there looking into his eyes. I had never felt that way as a boy and knew that I never wanted this feeling to end.

We knew the evening was one we would unlikely ever forget, but we did not want to ruin it by staying out too late. I could have remained in his arms almost forever, but I knew we had to get back and I also knew I was hiding a very big secret. Mark walked me back to my room and I leaned up against my door for another minute of glorious kissing. I realized, as we were finishing that we had been making quite a commotion in the hallway and against the door.

Nothing had to be said; we both knew that the rest of the trip would somehow be inalterable changed by the flames that were stoked in our hearts. I slid through the door and let out an audible exhale. Sasha turned to me and her gaze immediately translated my emotional overload.

“That was you, you little tart. You two sounded like cats in heat out there. It sounded like Erika has totally emerged.”

“Sasha I don’t know what came over me, but my body is tingling all over. I’ve never felt like this before and I’m not sure what’s happening to me.”

“Your feelings are absolutely normal.”

“But I have never felt like this before.”

“That’s because they are normal for a girl. You are just catching up for lost time. This cruise is your chance to experience the girl that I always thought might be inside of you.”

“Why do you think I really want to be a girl?”

“Take a look at yourself. It took you all of a few hours to sashay yourself into a full-fledged girl. We gave you a little nudge and you adjusted completely. I don’t really see any signs of my brother in front of me.”

“I never asked for this. I was all boy until yesterday.”

“Little sister, you may have dressed like a boy, but mom and I would often comment to each other how you seemed to have so many feminine personality traits. You also have such a wispy looking physique and such delicate facial features. It’s not your fault you are so pretty.”

“I didn’t act like a girl, I liked girls.”

“I like how you said ’liked’ girls. You never seemed that comfortable dating girls, but always felt comfortable hanging around with me and my friends. Most of your interests and the way you project yourself was never very macho. You even love growing your hair very long and keeping it shiny and healthy. I know some guys with long hair, but none that look like yours.”

“It’s just so surreal; I just never asked for any of this. Even Mom seems into me looking this way.”

“Mom’s been dying to see what you would look like fully dressed this way. We have even talked about it a few times since you dressed up that past Halloween. I am pretty sure she was looking for an excuse to see you this way. You and I just gave her an opening.”

“Well I am glad this is fine with her, because right now I am enjoying my little time as Erika.”

“I know she must be happy for you, but I think you may have taken this further than Mom and Dad ever anticipated. Hell, you already have a boyfriend!”

“That’s the weirdest part. I like looking like I do, but I am even more surprised that I wanted to be kissed so badly. When he was holding me, I was just melting in his caress. I never wanted to let go.”

“I am sure Mom and Dad must have heard you out there too. I think this little experiment may have gotten a little out of control. At least they don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant.”

“Very cute. I am going to put my confused self to bed. God only knows what tomorrow could bring.”

“Sweet dreams Erika.”

“Thanks for listening, Sweet dreams Sasha. Goodnight.”

The next morning I got up with more bounce in my step. I was looking forward to hanging at the pool again with Mark and continuing to have fun with my Erika side. I had slept in late and Mark and I plan to touch bases sometime in the morning. After getting dressed and fixing my hair my father called me into their suite. He had a troubled look on his face and my mother’s expression also looked tense.

“What’s up, you both look so serious.”

My father quickly answered, “Eric, we need to have a talk.”

They had not called meet Eric since I headed off to the salon.

“You both are scaring me. I didn’t do anything wrong. What’s going on?”

“Your father and I are very concerned that we took this punishment thing too far. I thought it would be a good lesson and maybe even a little fun for you, but now we’re not so sure.”

“It’s okay. I am actually enjoying it. I like how I feel. Don’t worry about me.”

“That’s just it honey. You seem to have taken to being Erika too well. We know about last night and it is not something that any of us were prepared for.”

“Mom, Dad I never expected it either, but I have never been happier. Mark is very nice and he made me feel even more like a girl. It’s like a light went on in my head. You wanted me to act like a girl and I am trying to feel that way too.”

“Son, we can’t be mad at you, because we are responsible for this, but you are a boy and so is Mark. I am glad you two became friends, but remember underneath it all you are still Eric.”

“You both wanted me to find what makes me happy, and right now being a girl makes me happy. I like being Erika in more ways than just looks. I am finding I just relate to being this way more than being an unhappy boy.”

“I think your mother and I pushed you too hard and this has been hard for you to process. We have decided that it’s okay for you to spend the rest of the cruise as a boy.”

“You aren’t listening! I want to stay this way for the rest of the cruise. I like the new me and Mark likes me too.”

“That may be all well and good, but he didn’t know you were a boy.”

“What do you mean ‘didn’t?’’

“We felt we had to speak with his parents. It’s not right that it went this far without his knowledge. It would be one thing if he knew, but your makeover was not meant to affect or hurt anyone else.”

I can’t believe you told them. That’s not fair, I hate you! You tell me to be a girl and then you punish me for being one. I’m not talking to you anymore.”

I was so furious I just ran out of the room and slammed the door. I went up to the topside and found a private area and let my tears flow. I was sad on so many fronts. My parents had turned on me and my relationship with Mark had been torpedoed. I wanted to explore being Erika and I knew that in my heart, but now I was being made to feel dirty.

The cruise had been like a roller coaster of emotions. I was feeling on top of the world and now I felt so alone. I didn’t think I could face Mark ever again even though I wanted to see him more than anything. I wanted to stay as Erika, but my parents were now pushing me back towards being Eric. I just decided to stay away from everyone as long as possible.

I had been alone for nearly 2 hours when Sasha finally found me. I was grateful it was Sasha and not my parents. She was the only one who had been truly honest with me and supportive. When I saw her I started to cry again. She sat down on my lounge chair and held me while I let out a few more tears.

“Erika, are you going to be okay?”

“Don’t you mean Eric? Isn’t that what Mom and Dad want you to call me?”

“They feel terrible. When you left, mom started crying also. It took Dad almost a half-hour to settle her down. They know everything is their fault and that they handled it like shit.”

“That doesn’t change anything. My life is all fucked up.”

“We all spoke and they realize that this ‘new you’ is something that they are going to have to cope with and accept. They just aren’t as quick to adjust as you were.”

“They should’ve talked to me before they spilled the beans to the Grants.”

“You’re right and they handled it wrong. At this point it can’t be undone. At some point you were going to have to tell him and maybe it’s easier this way.”

“I should have told him, not his parents. I’m sure he hates me or worse.”

“Try and be positive. When it all began you didn’t know what you wanted and now with his help you have found an important part of your soul. Even if he never talks to you again you now know so much more about yourself.”

“I didn’t want it to end that way. I was feeling on top of the world. Besides, Mom and Dad want me to go back to being Eric.”

“Let’s go see them together. First things first, you need to talk to them about remaining as Erika. Maybe after that you can try and talk with Mark. I’m supposed to see David later this afternoon and he might be able to clue me in on Mark.”

“Sasha, I appreciate what you are doing, but I still feel like I was run over by a truck.”

“Let’s go find Mom.”

We went back to the room and waited for them to return. My Mother was first to return and she was happy that I was back. She started the conversation with another apology. She also made the point of calling the Erika when she entered the room.

“Your father and I have managed to make some poor decisions and you’ve been the one to pay for our mistakes, some of these were of bad judgment and others possibly even out of selfishness. We love you and always will. We obviously have opened a door that cannot easily be closed.”

“I don’t want it closed.”

“I understand that and we will just have to figure out how to go forward. Whatever decisions or actions are taken, it is not going to be easy or uncomplicated. We will figure this out as a family.”

“I guess that’s reasonable, but I don’t want to go and switch back to Eric while on the cruise.”

“We have thought about it some more and for the rest of the trip you can stay as Erika. We still have to talk about what this all means. This unusual vacation is going to have implications after we get home, but for now it’s probably best that you learn and experience as much about being Erica as you can.”

“Is Dad going to go along with this or is he going to be mad and keep calling me Eric?”

“It’s a little harder on him, but he wants the best for you. He is on board with what I am saying, so just be a little patient with him.”

“What did the Grants say? Were they upset? Have you heard how Mark took it? I really did like him and I’m feeling horrible about how all of this went down.”

“Mrs. Grant at first appeared pretty shocked, but then shifted more towards curiosity. We didn’t have many answers, but inferred that this was who you are and not a game. Mr. Grant sat there and didn’t say much through most of the discussion. It was kind of strange, but when we were just about done discussing your changes he mentioned that one of his good friends from college recently had told him he was transgendered. It probably explains why he took it so calmly.”

“What about Mark?”

“I don’t know, but they said they would talk to him. It would be understandable if he did not take the news well.”

“I never wanted to hurt him. It just happened and I reacted out of instinct.”

“We will just have to see how he is. We have tentative plans to see them at dinner, but if they call and if it does not go well with him we can adjust our plans for the remaining part of the trip. At least his parents took it pretty well and were not noticeably put off by the turn of events..”

“Do you think I should call him? Should I apologize?”

“I would give him some time to think about it. His parents said they would have a discussion with him and go from there.”

“I’ll just hang out then and hope he wants to talk. I don’t want to make it harder on him, but I so want things to be okay between us.”

“We will figure it all out. Why don’t you change into your bathing suit and go relax on deck. I will try and track you down if I hear from his family.”

“Okay mom, tell dad I don’t hate him.”

“He knows.”

I went back up to the pool after having a small bowl of soup at the buffet. Everywhere I walked I kept looking around to see if I spotted Mark. I saw no signs of the Grant family, which was not surprising with over 5000 passengers on board and so many areas to choose from. I went up to the main deck and found a spot near the center of the ship. The ship had over 20 pools and Mark might not even want to be hanging out by any of them. I spent the afternoon up there and never spotted any of them. I went back to the room at about 4:30 PM and no one was there. I remember that Sasha was planning to meet up with David and maybe I would get some feedback after that.

I showered and waited for my family to return. My parents returned first, but had no news from the Grants. They had bought a beautiful sarong for me as a peace offering and to show that they supported my desire to maintain my feminine appearance.

Sasha returned about 20 minutes later dressed in her sunning attire and looking very refreshed.

“Well did you see David?”

“Hello to you too Erika.”

“Come on, did you see him?”

“Who?”

“Stop trying to be funny!”

“I actually saw David and Mark.”

“You saw Mark?”

“That’s what I said.”

“So… What do you have to report?”

“David found the whole thing kind of funny, but not in a mean way. He even asked if I was a real girl. It was a good icebreaker.”

“And?”

“Mark was clearly upset. When he first found out he locked himself in his bathroom according to David. He stayed in there until his family convinced him to come out and talk. His father spent quite a lot of time explaining to him about your apparent transgendered sexuality. He told him about his friend and how difficult it can be for everyone including friends, family, and especially you.”

“I would never have guessed his father would be so understanding, but I’m not sure what he meant by transgendered”

“He didn’t tell Mark what to do and even said that his reaction was very reasonable and understandable. His father suggested that he take some time before he did or said anything. David told him that eventually he would have to face me and it would be good to at least try and be civil.”

“Did Mark say what he was thinking or planned to do?”

“No, only that he was going to hang alone this afternoon and give it some thought. David said he planned to join us at dinner and he was pretty sure that Mark would be showing up.”

I didn’t know how to interpret the news other than the knowledge that the door to our friendship was not completely sealed shut. I wanted to talk with him and was not sure that dinner with both families was the forum I really wanted. I decided to accept that opportunity and make the most of it.

I wanted to look my very best and took my time getting myself ready for dinner. I even had Sasha check to make sure I looked good. She had me switch earrings to better match the sundress I chose to wear. I knew that the “Mark” that I went out with yesterday would love how I looked tonight, but I had no clue what Mark would think now. I was hopeful, but not too optimistic.

XXX IN ANOTHER SUN DRESS

We were a few minutes late arriving for dinner and the Grants were already seated when we arrived. Unfortunately, Mark was nowhere in sight. David said that he decided at the last minute that he did not want to come to dinner tonight. His parents made a small effort to change his mind, but he had made his decision.

I felt deflated that he was not there. Sasha insisted that I sit next to her at the table. She knew I was near tears by his absence.

The dinner felt like one of the longest meals I ever sat through. I did not want to be there and I had lost my appetite. I only participated in the conversation went initiated by others. I could tell the Grant’s wanted to ask me some personal questions, but they kept it pretty generic. They remained very pleasant, almost to an extreme. I was obviously the 900 lb. gorilla in the room that no one wanted to touch.

When dinner was over I asked to be excused so I could go back to our suite. My parents insisted that we take a stroll on the decks so we could chat some more. Being outside in the evening air would probably keep confrontational discussions to a minimum.

“Erika, I know you wanted to see Mark this evening, but that was out of our control.” Stated my Mother.

“It’s just that last time I saw him we were and such good terms and now he doesn’t even want to see me. I know his anger is easily justified, but I really liked him and at least want to have a chance to apologize.”

“I am sure you’ll get that chance before we leave the ship. Until then, you need to get out of your funk. We have three full days left after tonight and you need to move on. These are three important days for you to experience being a girl without having to deal with people you know back home. When we get home you will have to get used to being Eric again.”

“It’s just that last night, I felt better than I ever had and I didn’t want that feeling to go away.”

“I am sure you will feel that way again sometime, but for now you have other new feelings to explore. Back at home I am not sure the opportunities will be so available.”

“I really like being Erika, when I go home I don’t want this to disappear.”

“Your father and I have been thinking about this and we don’t have any perfect solution. We will probably seek some professional advice for all of us and go from there. If at the end of the trip you have not gotten this out of your system, then we can figure out some way for you to come to terms with this. If it means dressing some more then we will just have to figure it out. You have to remember; you cannot go from Eric to Erika overnight. You have school friends, extended family and neighbors to consider. We will do it all with your best interest in mind, but you may need to be patient. This is uncharted waters for all of us.”

“I’m scared that my life is now all messed up. Yesterday everything felt good and I really liked who I was. Now I am not so sure. I kind of feel more alone than ever before. How can I ever have a relationship with anyone now? What am I? I’m starting to get freaked out by all of this.”

“You’re not alone, you will always have us. We will help you through this and figure it out as a family. If that means spending some more time as Erika we will accept that. You have been a boy for over 15 years and a girl for only a few days, so it’s understandable that you’re confused and stressed. Try and relax and see how you feel in a few days.”

“What do I do now?”

“For now just be the best girl you can be and take it one step at a time.”

“I’ll try.”

Everything had been happening so fast that I had not really thought much about the big picture Implications of my rapid-fire transformation. I had been operating on cruise control and I had reacting based upon my feelings and emerging sensations. I previously had never experienced such an intense hormonal overload. As a boy I was excited to be by the side of a pretty girl, but now I was even more excited to be one. I was clearly aroused by my newfound sexuality, but I was more confused by how easily it came to me.

I had some very important personal issues to work through on the ship, but these probably would be pale compared to the ones I might have to deal with back at home. The past two days have been a roller coaster of emotions, but the ride was only beginning. I was happy for the belated support of my parents and I know I would not get through this without all of them. Right now, I wanted to rekindle those feelings with Mark, at least for a brief evening. I had the emotional clarity to know to feel true happiness. I never had that clarity as Eric.

As it turned out, I didn’t have to wait that long to talk with Mark. He called me the next morning and asked if I could have lunch with him at the pizza parlor. Not a lot was said, but I jumped at the chance to meet up with him.

I did not know what I was going to say. I did not regret what happened between us, but I knew I had to express some sort of apology for my deception. The sparks between us had occurred spontaneously and I just figured I would let Mark’s feelings dictate my actions. As much as I wanted him to look at me and hold me as he had before, I also wanted him to not hate me.

I wanted to look my best for him, but I was careful not to look like a tart. I wore a pink top and a casual pair of white shorts. I wore some silver wrist bangles, and matching earring studs along with Sasha’s white canvas wedge sandals. Sasha helped me with some simple but attractive makeup. I wanted to look and feel pretty, but not like I was trying to seduce him. For the first time we would both know I was a boy, even though I had hardly felt like one for last couple of days.

I entered the pizza parlor and found Mark at a corner table sipping a cola. It was half gone so he must’ve been there for a while. As I walked up to the table he stood up in a polite gesture, but did not make a move towards me. The Mark I had fallen for would have intercepted me before I could have made my way to the table.

When I sat down there were about 5 seconds of total silence, which seem more like 5 minutes. At first, Mark avoided making eye contact, but then began to regain his composure. I could sense he was checking me out, almost like someone might on a 1st date. I wondered whether he was still seeing me as a girl or now as something completely different.

I wanted to start the conversation with an apology, but I had no idea where to start or what I was most sorry for. I certainly was sorry it all led to hurting Mark, but I was still grateful to have had the time with him.

Mark started the conversation. In a very reserved voice he broke the fragile ice. “My dad told me about you and what you are. I'm still not sure I understand it.”

“I'm not sure either.”

“Should I still call you Erika?”

“I would prefer that. I really don't feel like an Eric right now.”

“You don't look like one to me either.”

His last comment brought the first light moment to our chat.

“You look so girlish, but you are really a guy like me. Have you always been gay?”

“I'm not gay, at least I don't think I am. I've never been with a guy until I met you. This may seem strange to you, but I don't feel gay when I'm with you. You made me feel all girl.”

“I sort of understand, but I am a guy and only like girls. This is really hard for me to process. Have you always felt like this?”

“Mark, you ask some tough questions which don't have any simple answers. I guess part of this has always been inside of me, but it was really just on this cruise that I realized it. Besides my family and yours, you are the only person to have met Erika.”

Wow. You seem more like a chic than most of the girls I know back home.”

“I guess I will take that as a compliment.”

“It's true, but I'm sorry that something just feels different now.”

“I wish it didn't. My feelings were genuine and I never meant to hurt you or deceive you. I never expected to fall for you like that. It just happened. I am very sorry that I hurt you. It's probably asking too much for you to think of me like you did before.”

“I won't deny what I felt, but all of this is too bizarre for me to just forget.”

“Bizarre? Is that what you think of me now.”

“That was a bad choice of words. It's just complicated. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I've never met anyone like you. I'm trying to not be judgmental, I'm still a little stunned.”

“The last few days have been the most unusual in my life and I don't really know how to change your feelings. If you are uncomfortable being around me I won't be angry, maybe just disappointed. You made me feel so special and right now I feel anything but that.”

“Erica you are special and I don't mean that in a bad way. I really do like you. It's just hard for me right now to flip the switch and forget that last week you were just another guy. At some point I was going to find out.”

“That's probably true, but I never planned any of this. In fact, I thought I was going to be Eric on this trip. My family did the switcheroo on me. I think they knew something about me I did not understand or consciously know.”

“Well you took to it like you were always this way. Is this an experiment or are you planning to stay this way?”

“When I think about that I want to cry. Am so much happier this way, but when we get home it will be so hard to stay this way. My family and I will have to try and figure it out and adjust.”

“I like Erika, so I hope she gets to stick around.”

“Thank you, I hope we can stay friends.”

“Deal! At least for now let's just enjoy the rest of the cruise as friends.”

“Sounds fair”

“Do you think you and your sister might want to hang out at the pool later?”

“I know I would and my sister would certainly show if your brother comes.”

I felt so much better walking back to my room and than when I had headed out. It wasn't perfect, but we were at least friends again. The old mark would've held my hand and walked me back to my cabin, but I knew it could have been much worse.

After climbing and falling off an emotional mountain the remainder of the cruise was much less dramatic. I spent a significant amount of time with Mark and his family, but we never kissed again. There were a few awkward moments between us as we both still felt a flicker of the magic. The remaining 3 days were still enjoyable as I settled into a daily routine as Erika. I would love to have experienced more passion, but with each passing day I was beginning to fret about returning to Eric back on the mainland. The conflict in my mind was very consuming.

In only a week I had gone from a socially outcast Eric to a confident attention-getting Erika. Returning to my old life self and at least for a while as Eric was going to be difficult on so many fronts. The future would be anything but predictable and maybe someday I can report back to you all on where it took me. My only certainty is that I know what its like to feel wonderful.

----The end.----

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