(aka Bike) Part 1666 by Angharad Copyright © 2012 Angharad
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Glancing at the Guardian, my Guardian, Tom had left on the table I was reminded of the World Track Cycling championships at the Easter weekend. Now I had to work out how I could find some time to see them, or parts of them. I know the BBC website always carries bits of races we win, but it’s not the same as seeing it live.
My phone peeped and Queen’s Bicycle Race rang out–yeah, I know corny, but Si arranged it. It made Catherine jump where she’d dozed at my nipple and she nearly bit the whole thing off before she burst into tears.
I handed her to Jacquie who seemed to do well to quieten her enough for me to take the call. “Hi, Si.” I said pulling my top down over my naked breast.
“Hi, Babes, look we’re invited to some interbank thingy next weekend.”
“That’s Easter weekend?” I queried.
“That’s the one.”
“Who is we, exactly?”
“Us–you me, children–you know, those small human looking creatures you feed and take to school.”
“Why?”
“It’s something the London clearing banks put on for their directors and senior managers.”
“What about the lesser staff?”
“Oh they get a day out in Brighton in October or something, why?”
“Thanks but no thanks.”
“But you don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Patronage and favouritism. If I wanted a weekend of meeting non-entities, I could go away to Lanzarote.”
“Yeah, but then you’d have to pay for it.”
“I pay for it whatever happens.”
“No, the banks pay for it.”
“Darling, the banks only pay for things with mine and other customer’s money.”
“No you profit from the other customer’s money, remember–it pays for me and I pay for you.”
“Either way, I don’t want to go–byee.”
“Cathy, don’t hang up.”
“Why, I have a baby to change.”
“What for, I like the one we have already–no let’s keep her.”
“Okay, I quite like her too–byee.”
“Cathy, please don’t hang up.”
“Why, I told you I have things to do? D’you think your shirts iron themselves, or your dinner cooks itself?”
“What’s Jacquie doing?”
“Holding the baby at this very moment, why?”
“Can’t she cook the baby and change the dinner?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, how could you change the dinner–I organised what we’re eating days ago.”
“Okay, okay–I don’t want too much baby.”
“You’ll take what you’re given and be grateful.”
“Can’t we have cottage pie again? I love your cottage pie.”
“No, it’s beef hotpot.”
“With dumplings?”
“Probably, why?”
“You have delightful dumplings, Babes.”
“Yeah, one has tooth marks in it from the baby I was feeding before my stupid phone ringtone frightened her to death.”
“I’ll kiss it better when I get home.”
“If I let you.”
“Natch. Now this weekend...”
“No, I’ve planned an egg rolling event, all of Trish and Meems classes are coming.”
“Where?”
“Here, why?”
“How are they going to park all those cars there?”
“Children that age don’t drive, silly.”
“No the children, their parents.”
“I didn’t invite the parents, just the kids.”
“Oh–okay. When did you plan it?”
“Oh ages ago.”
“Did you? Who’s paying for it?”
“You, why?”
“Just wondered.”
“Just popping the baby in the oven, stuffing or not?”
“What flavour?”
“What goes best with babies?”
“Talc and baby lotion with chives.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Okay. Byee.”
“Cathy, seriously, what about next weekend?”
“Is this in celebration of Easter?”
“Probably, why?”
“I don’t celebrate pagan feast days disguised as Christian ones, even if I don’t have a Nisan.”
“Nissan? What on earth has a Jap car got to do with Easter?”
“I don’t know, it all passes over me.”
“Cathy, can you talk some sense?”
“I was in school with a boy whose surname was Pask, he was Welsh or Cornish or something.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Pask is Cornish for Easter, based on the Hebrew term Pesach.”
“Yeah, so?”
“How would you like to go through life with the name Ivel Easter.”
“His first name was Ivel?”
“Yes, like the saint.”
“That is criminal.”
“Why, you’re named from one of the apostles, Peter whose name was Simon.”
“No, I’m named after the local pie-maker.”
“That explains a lot.”
“It’s what my father told me when I asked.”
“I thought you told me it was your Grandfather’s favourite name.”
“Yeah, for his dog.”
“Well I think it’s an admirable name for a dog.”
“Dogs don’t usually become admirals, Cathy.”
“What about sea dogs?”
“Okay, I stand corrected yet again. Next time I’ll marry someone less clever.”
“Next time?”
“Yeah, after you divorce me for insisting we go to this bank thing.”
“What about my egg rolling?”
“What about it?”
“You’re prepared to break the hearts of thirty little girls?”
“I’m a banker, Cathy, it’s what I do for a living–you know horrible usurer and all that.”
“Damn, I forgot–must have been thinking about egg rolling.”
“Can’t you have it another weekend?”
“No, it’s all about the Easter Bunny laying eggs for the kids to find.”
“That’s American?”
“So?” I challenged.
“Anyway, bunnies don’t lay eggs.”
“Who is the biologist here?”
“I think I’m safe in asserting that bunnies don’t lay eggs.”
“Not even the Easter Bunny?”
“No, no bunnies do.”
“I see, did you appreciate that hares are associated with the goddess Eostre?”
“Even if they are, it’s still chickens that lay eggs, not bunnies.”
“In the sense of hen’s eggs yes, but isn’t depositing things on the ground gently, also laying?”
“Not eggs, they are laid by chickens.”
“I see, so ducks don’t lay eggs then?”
“Okay, ducks lay eggs too.”
“And geese?”
“Okay, geese as well.”
“And crocodiles?”
“Do they lay eggs?”
“Of course they do, it’s a characteristic of most reptiles–it’s where birds got the habit from–you know they’re really feathered dinosaurs?”
“You’re not having a crocodile laying the eggs then–for the children–it could be more challenging than a bunny?”
“No, it’s too late. Have you ever thought why brickies are so bad tempered?”
“No, I assumed it was something to do with eating cement or something.”
“Could just be laying bricks, I mean, that shape is hardly conducive to being laid, is it? Mind you oval ones would fall out of the walls–hmm.”
“Cathy, what about this weekend?”
“You asked me that before.”
“Yeah, so I’m asking you again.”
“On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You dress up as the Easter bunny the following week and lay all the eggs for the kids to find?”
“Is that negotiable?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell the bank we can’t make it.”
“Oh, and just as you were getting me interested, and we hadn’t even got to Quartodecimanism.”
“Ah no, I’m allergic to anything with nuts–quite how I married you, is a mystery?”
“I have to go and baste the baby, bye, darling.”
“Tell ’em we can’t go, no you don’t want to know why...” I heard him tell his secretary before he ran off.
“Mummy, you are so funny,” said Jacquie.
“Nah, Si’s the funny one, remember you only heard half the conversation.”
“So have you organised the egg-rolling thing?”
“What egg rolling thing?”
“You told Daddy you had?”
“Did I? I suppose you’d better get on and do it then.”
“Mee?” she squealed.
“Yes, get the baby to help, she’s quite good at organising things.”
Comments
check mate
Catherin is finally getting Si to light up that pound of explosives he has for a brain. He actually kept op with most of the game exchange. It is just to bad he was playing tennis, and Cathy chess. Love - all and check mate.
The only bad question is the one not asked.
Banter
Of course, having gone to a Catholic school then following a career in biology, Cathy's well versed in matters spiritual and biological. Apparently Quartodecimanism (which, yes, does derive from the Latin for "14") was one system for determining the dates of Easter - and the source of the first controversy over its dating.
Of course, if Si gets confused by anything and is still wondering by the time he gets home, Cathy's got her very own research assistant, who despite her young age would probably be able to tell him several fun facts about Archaeopteryx among other subjects...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
A laugh a minute?
More like a laugh a second. This is the kind of banter that usually leaves Simon in a spin. I'm glad to see Cathy in total control.
Quick chorus; "We shall overcome, we shall overcome, we shall...."
Sorry, showing my age again.
S.
Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1666
I do believe that Jacquie is wondering about the sanity of the adults.
May Your Light Forever Shine
The place is a loony bin.
LOL. I love it when things are a bit lighter around there. Though it is not nearly as exciting as shooting invaders with arrows. LOL
We must be building up for a crisis or something.
Gwendolyn
I think Cathy might've blown it....
Does anyone else have the nagging feeling this bank-sponsered get-away on the Easter weekend (with the families) was directly linked to the Guardian's story about the British Track Cycling Championships and Cathy's wish to see them in person? It wouldn't be the first time Si has been less-than-direct in conveying news to his wife, and Cathy doesn't always listen or even try to listen.
PB
Yeah, I got that impression
Yeah, I got that impression too.
World track racing championships
As this event is being held in Melbourne, Australia, I think it's an unlikely place to go for a weekend visit, don't you?
Angharad
1 ''666''
Angharad,
This Chapter being 1--''666'' i think the devil might have crept into your keyboard, LOL!!
Hugs Roo:)
ROO
Really appreciate all those details
... about the history of Easter. Those two do rabbit on a bit though don't they?
Oh, I really would like to see Cathy back into some serious biking again. I mean, how could this be bike without it?
Kim
And I'd really like to see her
enjoy some riding without tragidy. Aren't there any off-road bike trails where she could take out the whole family for a ride and picnic? Of course getting them all to a trail head with assorted bikes etc. could be a challenge.
If Jacquie was listening in
on that conversation, she must be convinced that this entire family is completely insane.
And is probably
thinking how close is the nearest train station.... Having said that, Give her a couple of months and she will no doubt be as bad as the rest of the Camerons :)
Kirri
I almost feel sorry for Simon
He hasn't got a chance
My God.
There's virtual reality, there's virtual surreality and there's Simon.
I was getting wierder and wierderer as I read this.
Odd one Angie but funny. Still lovin' it.
OXOXOX
Bev.
Why do I think...
Why do I think the even included some of that bike race... And, once Cathy finds out what she turned down she'll kick herself, all the while feeling self righteous that she'd turned down the perk.
All I can say is I'm glad my wife doesn't do the wind up like that... I'd go crazy (Hey, my shrink says I'm the sanest person she's met... So "GO" crazy is the right terminology!).
Thanks,
Anne