Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 1640

Printer-friendly version
The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike)
Part 1640
by Angharad

Copyright © 2012 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
-Dormouse-001.jpg

When I collected the girls Trish told me she’d been sent for by the headmistress, I played dumb.

“Oh, what she want to see you for?”

“I was fightin’.”

“You were what?” I turned round to see her and she roared with laughter.

“Gotcha,” she laughed and the other two conspirators also added to the noise, which went on to become a full-blown giggle fest.

I waited until sanity returned–I don’t know where it’s been except being absent most of my life–before I asked her if she had been to see Sister Maria.

“Yes, she told me that the nun who had told me I’d go to hell was misinformed and that I was a delightful young lady (raucous laughter from Livvie and Meems)–shrrup you two–and because I was good at heart, I’d go to heaven if I went anywhere. She asked me to keep it just between her an’ me and not say anything to the old nun who started it all.”

“Why was that?” asked Livvie.

“Because she’s old and set in her ways and doesn’t take kindly to learning new things.”

“Yes, that’s probably true of lots of elderly people,” I agreed.

“Is she as owd as Mummy?” asked Meems making me feel like Methuselah.

“Course she is, she’s probably nearly as old as Daddy–he’s older than Mummy.” Trish had a bit to learn about recognising the ages of people and even more about diplomacy.

“I suspect she’s more like Gramps’ age.”

“He’s not a silly auld galoot,” is he?” asked Trish.

“No of course not,” I confirmed.

“Oh yes he is, Mummy said he was.” Meems has a way of bringing you down to earth quicker than an unopened parachute. As I was likely to have said it about him I decided not to challenge her assertion.

I drove them home and they had a biscuit and a drink then went off to change into their playing clothes. Jacquie decided she could do with some air, so the three of them went out for a walk, with her taking our idiot spaniel with them.

That dog is so dumb–as soon as they produced the lead she danced all round the kitchen so they couldn’t fit it to her collar. Then as they were leaving, Trish who was holding said lead, walked one side of the table and Kiki went the other nearly strangling herself in the process. She was still coughing when they went out the door.

Danny asked for my help with his homework. As he asks so infrequently, I gave it my full attention. He was stuck on his science homework which was biology–I wonder why he asked me?

It was all about the amoeba–the single celled animalcule with the same IQ as George Dubya. He had to draw a picture of one to show all the bits–the nucleus, cytoplasm and so on. I told him we could do better than that, I had slides of them from my first year at Sussex.

I found them and Trish’s clever little microscope and we plugged it into the computer and after a bit of fiddling I was able to get it up on screen. He was suitably impressed. “Wow, if we had things like this to use, bugs would be much more fun.”

I printed him off a picture which he included in his work–it was stained with some sort of red stain–can’t remember which one now, so after playing about with photoshop, I managed to print him off one in shades of grey which he could then label. It was cheating, but I hope showed he had used some gumption–even if it belonged to me.

Then we researched it on wiki and found some very good clips of an amoeba moving and also one of it engulfing a diatom. He cited these clips in his homework and we also found a diagram of an amoeba with all the bits listed. Something I’d forgotten, if I’d ever learned it was that Amoeba proteus has 290 billion base pairs in its genome compared to 2.9 billion in the human genome. Danny asked me if that meant it evolved from humans? It was tempting to say yes, however, to explain what all that was about would have only confused him so I told him the higher animals had lost much of the primitive DNA sequences in their chromosomes and genes and that relatively simple or primitive creatures hadn’t. He could accept that even though he really didn’t quite know what I was talking about.

250px-Amoeba_(PSF)_svg.png

(diagram from wikipedia)

By the time the girls came back we’d finished his project and I went off to start making dinner while Trish complained about, “Who’s been using my microscope?” I told her she sounded like mummy bear in Goldilocks. I got a silly response–“Bears can’t use microscopes–silly Mummy.”

I then asked her which button they liked best on a video remote. She had no idea–the paws button–stupid. That made her laugh and she went off to tell it to the other two. Judging by the laughter emitting from the dining room, they thought it very funny.

Jacquie was feeding Catherine when I pulled the casserole from the oven–one I’d made earlier, and was waiting for the potatoes to cook before serving it. I called the locusts, saving some for Simon as he was working late.

The bonuses for High Street Bank plc were a bit down on last year, but I knew that Simon and Henry would certainly get their share of the profits, as would Stella who does little or nothing for them. I also realised that I’d get some more shares as a member of the family as would the children. I think Simon or the accountant told me I had at least a hundred thousand pounds worth of shares built up over the past couple of years. I found the whole thing mind boggling. I also knew Simon was expecting a bonus of at least half a million pounds and Henry would get two or three times that.

The American bank, the purchase and subsequent collapse was made a write off against tax and Simon’s attempts to recover the money was what had got him his bonus. It was so much easier with Robert Peston of the BBC explaining how things worked–a bit like me explaining things about an amoeba to Danny.

Simon came home tired but happy–his actual bonus was nearly a million, much of it payable in shares, which he was pleased about, the price had dipped a little so he got more for his award, which he reckoned was a good time to have them, and to sell them back to the bank a few years down the line when they were worth more. It was part of his pension plan.

I tried not to discuss things like that with him in case he told me something by unwitting disclosure–not that I’d do anything about it, insider dealing is a pretty serious offence–and we are squeaky clean.

It was getting close to bedtime for the girls, although being a Friday, they were allowed an extra half an hour. The phone rang and Trish got it. A moment later she seemed to put the handset down.

“Who was that?” I asked as Jacque and I cleared the debris from dinner.

“A wrong number, they wanted to speak to Joyce Watkins,”

Jacquie went very pale and slumped in a chair. “Why can’t they ever leave me in peace?” she sobbed, her head in her hands.

05Dolce_Red_l_0.jpg

up
216 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Tabloid newspapers

I have made my opinion very clear.

Thank you Angharad,

Good story,as ever,but poor Jacquie,some journos are worse than used car salespeople.
Loved your piece on George Dubya,when he was in office we had a PM in Australia who
followed him around like your spaniel and as a result got the nickname "Bonzai"----
-----a Little Bush!!!So I won't take offence at Cathy's comment on us older people
'being set in our ways',although I know that it does apply to a lot of people of my
vintage (a particularly good one!:)

ALISON

Perhaps Cathy can

get her friend from MI5 or MI6 or Control or Chaos or where ever he's from to respond to the call for "Joyce." Blast them with a cannon instead of acting meek and mild.

Could this phone call be

Could this phone call be somehow tied up with Jenny? She would be probably be very angry about not having got her old job back and missed out on the free accommodation, etc. I know that this idea is a bit 'strange', but than it's no weirder than some other story lines that Angharad has actually introduced to this epic tale on the odd occasion. Or are those all due to Bonzi's influence?

Oh Oh..... is my brain being hyper-active or .....

.... did the phrase Angharad used presage a few more turmoily bits coming up? Thanks as usual for all you do Angharad! But I noticed you used the phrase "((Trish)) seemed to put the handset down." Big word in there .... SEEMED. Does this mean that she didn't and sharp ears have heard Jacquie say "Why can't they ever leave me in peace?" ?????
Cue dramatic music .... dan der ann dan
Julia

The gutter press.

The gutter press will be with us as long as we have gutters and rain.

Uugh!

bev_1.jpg

Gutters

I was surprised to learn how recent the term "gutter press" was, and that originally it was not pejorative.

It seems to date from just after the First World War, when the authorities were clamping down (ie more than usual) on street corner speakers and the selling of inflammatory tracts in the street. The police were largely unsuccessful, and one outcome seemed to be that street vendors of newspapers were then essentially regarded as 'legal'.

Papers sold on the street thus became the 'gutter press'. The 'quality' papers were, of course, delivered to people's homes rather than sold in the street, which might be why the tag devolved onto the less-salubrious parts of the fourth estate. (Should that be filth estate?)

I had always imagined - and still choose to see it that way - that the gutters in question didn't/don't simply carry rainwater. I see in my mind the gutters of many shanty-towns today, which are really open sewers.

If the crap fits...

Xi

On tenterhooks

This was another great episode Angharad.

I am on tenterhooks waiting to find out who has spilled the beans on Jacquie, as only a limited number of people know she is living at Chez Cathy.

The games afoot and I await the denouement.

Love to all

Anne G.

The press

can be evil. I suspect that is who it was.