Life’s Pathways

By Melodie Thomas

Edited by Holly Hart

Chapter 2 – Failed Love

My last 2 years of High School passed fairly uneventfully however the incident at Tower Falls had a profound impact on me and, looking back, changed me in many ways. I think my mom sensed something as that evening she asked me how the day was and I made up a story of all the things we did, some true, and told her it was a great time. She sat and looked at me for a few minutes with sort of a puzzled look but didn’t say anything. Perhaps my story was not as smooth as I had hoped or something in my eyes or body language was gave me away. For the first week I did not want to leave the house. Though I was invited by some other friends to go to a mall, a ballgame or just ride bikes in the park, I always had something else to do. I did not want to leave the safety of my home or my room.

I don’t honestly know if I consciously made a change in my social life or if circumstance drove most of the changes. Though my Junior and Senior years were uneventful, they were very busy. Just before Mary’s wedding, I had applied for a job at one of the local super markets that had a track record of hiring high school kids and got the job about 2 weeks before school started. The work was pretty simple as I was just a ‘box pusher’ as they were called. I stocked shelves, bagged groceries and did whatever other simple chore needing done. I did get a fair amount of experience with a mop as any time something was dropped or broken the famous PA announcement of ‘Clean-up on aisle whatever’ would sound the charge for the mop bucket.

I participated in Track and Swim Team, and was an active member of the Jr. Business League as well as a full time student. When I wasn’t in school or participating in school activities, I would be at work. That just did not leave a lot of time for just hanging out with friends.

There was no question I was part of the Home Economics group and none of the girls were surprised to see me the first day of class. I was accepted back with the same hugs and cheek kisses that everyone in the class was. I was just one of the ‘girls’ in their mind, even if I wasn’t.

Two of the girls from my Home Economics class, Cindy Thompson and Carol Allens, were also members of the Jr. Business League, and I found myself spending most of my free time with them. All three of us were project partners in the Home Economics class and we tended to carry that partnership over to other activities as well. Whenever I did have free time for an outing to the Mall or a show it was usually with Cindy, Carol and sometimes friends of theirs. Whether it was on purpose or not, I honestly don’t know, but my friendship with other guys in the school started to diminish. Maybe it was just we did not have many common activities but other than chatting once in a while in halls I had very little interaction with them.

Lunch period would almost always find me sitting with Carol and Cindy and constantly changing group of other girls from Carol and Cindy’s other classes. The lunch gatherings could become highly entertaining, and often times a little embarrassing. The conversations would eventually head off into discussions about clothes, boys, makeup, boys, hair, boys, shopping, boys and so on. I got to hear about who likes who, what someone was like on a date, who was dating who, who wanted to date who and what happened on some dates. Some of the topics were hilarious; some were very personal and approached a hard ‘R’ rating. There were a couple of times where the girls would team up on me to make sure I understood the ‘security’ rules, nothing I heard discussed could be repeated, nothing! At times I had to raise my hand and swear an oath of secrecy, while they described in detail what they would do to me is I broke it, but with everyone laughing so hard we rarely completed a single oath. The girls were fun, I never felt threatened and it was all good fun. Most of the time I was just an observer to these discussions but sometime I would get pulled into them as well as it seems I had picked up kind of a reputation for knowing something about girl’s clothes.

Both my Junior and Senior year Home Economics classes involved sewing and we spent all year learning to sew, follow patterns, mend clothes and clothing care. There were 10 assigned projects throughout the 2 year period where we had to make something from a pattern that was provided for us or, in some cases, make our own patterns. On the very first project of the year we all needed to go to a box at the front of the room and pull a random pattern from it, and that pattern was what we had to make.

I was pretty dumbfounded when the pattern I pulled out was a sweep neck, knee length summer dress. I stood there and looked at it for a moment trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with it. Of course once the girls realized what was going on the fun really started. I was told how good it would look on me and how they would be more than happy to help choose the colors and fittings for it. It was pretty embarrassing even though I knew they were just having fun with me. Even the teacher got in on the act but she finally admitted that women’s patterns was all she had and had not thought of me ahead of the class starting. Carol and Cindy settled the issue fairly quickly by saying I could make the items for them and they would be my models.

As it turned out I seemed to have a natural touch for fitting and sewing. I was quickly able to see how the patterns went together and how they would fit my intended model. I always received high marks in the fashion shows that followed the projects and more and more of the girls began asking if they could get the next project. All of them were volunteering to pay for the materials if they could have the final product. I still had to do the random drawing like everyone else but once I had the pattern I would hold it up and the debates would start on who wanted it. I also seemed to have an understanding of how the clothes were supposed to fit as I could adjust almost any pattern to fit the model and make the adjustments necessary to change a design or a pattern to improve the fit.

Before the year was out I was helping most of the groups with fittings and adjustments as I seemed to be able to look at how something fit and what needed to be done to make it better. As my final senior project I actually designed and made Carol’s Prom dress for which she paid me by being my date to the prom. I probably would not have gone if not for Carol, but it was a great time and I really felt good with all the comments Carol got on her dress. Many of my class mates, including the teacher said I needed to look at a career in fashion design. I have to admit it was fun, but I did not see that as my future.

Graduation finally came and along with it the ‘Passing of the Age’ party hosted by my parents. I was the last of their 3 children to finish high school and my dad felt that was an accomplishment to celebrate. I was horrified when I learned that Mom had invited Ron and his mom but was very relieved to find out they were not going to be able to attend. Mary and her husband John flew in for the graduation ceremony, which was an accomplishment since Mary was now 7 months pregnant. April was in the middle of second year finals at Law School and called me to give me her wishes but also to apologize that she would be unable to attend. April promised we would get together later in the summer and she would buy me dinner. The biggest surprise at the party was when Dad presented me with my graduation present, the keys to a brand new Toyota Camry. He also made it very clear that gas, maintenance and insurance were my responsibility and then asked if he could have his car back now.

Puberty seemed to have very little effect on me, if it happened at all. My voice still sounded so much like my sisters that when I answered the phone at home most people thought they were talking to April. That, actually, was kind of fun when April was home and she would have guys calling her, I had some great conversations with a couple of guys before they figured out there was something wrong. Physically I still looked like an early teenager. My dad, who was only 5’ 7” still showed defined muscles in his arms and his legs. I, on the other hand had arms and legs that looked more like my mom’s. Standing alone in the bathroom, looking in a mirror, what most men would call their pride and joy, I called a Vienna sausage with two little marbles under it. I’d had a pretty good look at what those three assholes at Tower Falls had; I had nothing even close to that.

College was the next topic on my agenda and my dad and I had spent many hours over the past many months discussing the options. As bad as I wanted to move out on my own my dad made some very valid arguments for me staying in town and attending the local Jr. College for my first couple or years. Those arguments included the course work was the same for the first two years regardless if I went to State or stayed here and I could live at home and keep my job. Though Dad was more than willing to help me go to State if I insisted he really wanted me to consider the advantages of delaying that for a couple of years. Surprisingly, I found it to be a very tough decision. The battle was between the emotional part of me that wanted to be on my own and the logical part that could see the financial advantages of delaying. The argument for me was finally settled when I realized that if I went to State now I would still be completely dependent on Mom and Dad so the freedom I thought I had would be limited. However, if I kept saving and working, perhaps, I would be able to obtain more freedom in the last two years. With that realization, and plenty of mixed emotion, I conceded to Dad’s wish and enrolled at the local Jr. College.

On the positive side, both Carol and Cindy were also planning to attend the local Jr. College so the first day of class registration found the three of us working together on class selections and course plans. Since we all had to take the same basic classes in our freshman year, the only thing that prevented us from being in all the same classes was work and family schedules. As it turned out Carol and I were in about 90% of the same classes and Cindy was in about half of those so it seemed our partnership that had grown over the past two years would stay together, for a while anyway. About half way through our first semester Cindy started dating a guy she met at her work for local law office and as that relationship grew the only times Carol and I saw Cindy was in our common classes. We were still good friends and talked all the time but Cindy had someplace else she would rather be and neither Carol nor I could fault her for it. Actually, I think we were both just a little jealous.

Carol and I continued to work together over the semester and as time passed we seemed to be spending more and more time in each other’s company. Not only did we spend our time studying but we started spending our free time together as well. At first everything we did was ‘Dutch treat’ as we went to movies, concerts, dinners and just weekend shopping trips around the mall. I became her fashion advisor when it was time to shop for clothes and, unlike some of the stories that I have heard, I did not find it boring, but had a lot of fun at it. While she would be in the dressing room trying something on I would be wandering the racks picking out things for her. Carol would come out and give me a fashion show and then I would critique if I liked the way it fit her or what needed to change so it would show her off better. Sometimes the sales ladies would just sit and watch and always commented on my ability to match clothes and study the fit. We always seemed to have a great time together and I felt so good being around her.

Carol was not someone I would call ‘beautiful’, but she was quite pretty. She was about the same height as I was, which created a couple of problems when she would wear high heels, and she weighted in the ball park of 110 pounds. Carol had deep blue eyes, long straight brown hair that framed her slightly rounded face very nicely. She just had a simple pretty smile, sparkly eyes and was very down to earth. Carol loved shopping for clothes and shoes but did not really buy that much; we were poor college students after all. I once saw a large collection of 3” and 4” high heel shoes in her closet that I never saw her wear. I asked her about it once and she explained she did not like being taller than me so she just wore flats when we were together. For some reason that made me feel sad and happy at the same time. Happy that she was thinking of me and sad that because of me she could not wear something she loved.

Our relationship took a pretty big swing as our first semester of college was coming to an end. We were invited, as a couple, to Cindy’s parents’ house for a big Christmas party that featured mostly kids from school and their friends. A few sets of the parents were there as well, since some of the attendees were still in high school and they really wanted to keep things from getting out of control. We had a great time visiting with some friends that we had not seen for a while from high school, participating in the white elephant gifts along with the snacks and alcohol free punch; at least I think it was alcohol free. Carol had not been more than a few inches from my side all night long, which was something I had noticed but had not mentioned. Sometimes her hand would brush against mine and sometimes it would linger there but, honestly, I did not know what she was trying to do. Later in the evening we were walking from the dining room back through the archway into the living room after depositing our empty punch glasses on the tray.

“Excuse me Mr. Ringston,” I heard Carol’s voice from behind me.

Stopping and turning around I saw Carol still standing in the archway looking at me. As I caught her eyes she smiled and then rolled her eyes looking up. I followed her eyes to the piece of mistletoe hanging in the archway. My total experience with kissing a girl added up to two, and both of those were what I called a ‘smooch’. You know, the kind where you pucker your lips and make a smooching sound as your lips touch each other? Anyway, I smiled and stepped back to Carol in preparation of giving her a Christmas smooch, when she reached around my head with her left hand and pulled our lips together. Our ‘smooch’ turned into a lipstick smearing, tongue dueling, knee wobbling, earth moving kiss. By the time our lips parted she had both arms around my neck and I had both arms around her waist, pulling her to me.

As my eyes opened and I saw her smile and sparkling eyes I said the only thing that would come out in a whisper “Wow”

“Yeah.” she whispered back to me.

“Why haven’t we done that before?” I asked

“I was wondering the same thing.”

We stood there for a few seconds longer until I heard someone from the living room call out, “You two need a room?” followed by a fair amount of giggling.

I am sure I looked like I had a serious sunburn as I took Carol’s hand and led her back into the dining room, forgetting completely that we had originally been heading to the living room. Carol pulled up close to me and whispered that she needed to go to the ladies room, and could I get her some more punch. I stood there watching her walkway trying to believe what had just happened had really happened.

“About time you got around to that” I heard another voice beside me and turned to find Cindy standing there with a big grin.

“Huh?” My mind was still not functioning well.

“You might be one of the sweetest, most caring and sensitive guys I have ever known,” Cindy said “but boy are you dense. That girl has wanted you to do that for months!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Like ever since you took her to the Prom.”

“I didn’t know that. How was I supposed to know?”

“Tim, you are right on the verge of hopeless. You take care of her, or maybe I’d better hope she takes care of you.” Cindy walked away shaking her head.

Needless to say, my relationship with Carol changed dramatically after that night. When I drove her home that night I discovered it is possible to steam up the car windows from the inside, and I discovered that real kissing is a lot of fun. I went home that night feeling more masculine and confident than I think I had felt in my life. I had a girlfriend, a real girlfriend.

In the months that followed, Carol and I were more inseparable than ever. We held hands where ever we went, and outings now felt like dates, even if they were just to the Mall. I really got to practice all of those manners that my mom and dad had been trying to teach me, I held open doors, pulled out chairs, walked to the street side and always put myself between Carol and anything that could be threatening. I felt I had someone, had a reason, and we were always talking about the future and wants and dreams. We both wanted a family, we both wanted children, and we were each other’s biggest supporters and cheerleaders. We were both doing great in school, and life was wonderful. All of my concerns about myself and who I was faded away as long as I was with Carol. I was a King, and I was in love.

We finished our first year of Jr. College. Finals were over, and summer break was upon us. I was working almost full time at the grocery store and Carol was working as a sales clerk in a shoe store downtown. We reach June, which signaled my 19th birthday, and Carol invited me over to her parent’s house for dinner and a small party. We had just had dinner the night before with my parent’s and her folks also wanted to wish me happy birthday. After dinner, Carol’s parents announced that they were going to a movie and invited us to come along. Carol told them she would prefer to stay home if that was alright and have some time with me. With our work schedules we really did not have that much time together. I almost thought this had been previously planned, as Carol’s mom and dad gave in to the idea pretty easily, and with a couple of smiles, wished us a good evening.

After her parents had left, Carol and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Carol had her head on my shoulder and was slowly rubbing my chest through my shirt with the fingers of her left hand. She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek.

“I need to go to the ladies room, be right back”

I turned and returned the kiss to her lips. “Okay”

A few minutes later I heard Carol calling from down the hall “Tim, could you come here for a second?”

I stood and started following the sound of her voice “Yeah, where is here?”

“My bedroom.”

Having been in her house before, I knew where her room was, so I headed down the hall and opened her bedroom door. The only light in the room was from a soft yellow mood lamp over the top of her makeup table. I also noticed that her bed spread was missing. The reason I noticed, is because it was never missing. Carol is very picky about her room, and she makes the bed as soon as she gets up and always puts the spread over it.

“Where are you?” I called

“Right here”

Carol walked out of her bathroom wear the sheerest white negligee I had ever seen. It was gorgeous, and so was she. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open as she walked past me and closed her bedroom door. I turned to follower her with my eyes and studied every inch of her negligee, the matching panties, the elastic that lifted her breasts and the sheer covering that barely concealed her nipples. It was an incredible fit, and unbelievably sexy. After closing the door Carol walked back to me, put her arms around my neck and gave me a long, slow passionate kiss as she lead me to the bed.

I learned many things that night, some good, some not so good. First, I learned that Carol was not a virgin. I don’t know why I thought she was, but the fact that she wasn’t surprised me. I learned the fastest way to kill a man’s ego is to keep telling him to quit teasing and put it in, when it already is in. I learned, thanks to Carol teaching me, how to make a girl climax with my tongue. I also learned what it felt like to get what I had in the past given to Ron, though I also felt like I understood the phrase ‘It is better to give than receive.’ I lay on my back in the bed with Carol snuggled tight beside me and her head on my right shoulder. She told me it was Okay that I couldn’t cum, it was my first time, and I was nervous, that we would have plenty of time to practice. I was thinking to myself ‘couldn’t cum hell! I couldn’t keep it hard’.

Holding Carol and feeling her close to me felt incredible, almost indescribable, but the actual activity of having sex did nothing for me. Carol could bring me to an erection but I could not maintain it. I felt much better when she would just kiss me and hold me. I felt happiest when I could make her happy, but I did not enjoy her playing with my penis. It just didn’t do anything for me. I had no idea what it was, but there was something missing, or I was missing something, because this just did not happen the way I had always pictured it.

We did try a few more times throughout the summer, with pretty much the same results. Though I can’t say I was ever really excited about having sex, it did get to the point where I was almost dreading it. I could not understand my feelings or what I was wanting, other than I wanted to make Carol happy. Hell, I should have been living a man’s dream right then, having a very pretty girl that wanted to have sex with me. I don’t know if it was the pressure of performance, or the inadequacy of my endowment, but I never did cum with her. Regardless of my non-existent performance, Carol never seemed upset or concerned. She would just hold me and kiss me. Outside of the bed room we got along like we always had. She was my best friend and my partner, but I knew she was not satisfied in the intimacy department, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

Our second year of Jr. College started and things got back to pretty much normal. Carol and I were in the same class for about half of our schedules, and we still spent nearly all of our study time together. As we approached the mid-term I thought I sensed a change in Carol. She did not seem as warm or as touchy or something. It just felt different. We were sitting in my parent’s dining room one evening working on a project for our Marco Economics class and I was pounding away on the laptop. My parents had gone out for the night so we had the house to ourselves. I had the strange feeling of being stared at and looking up from my work I saw Carol across the table watching me with a concerned or puzzled look.

“What?” I asked returning my attention to the laptop.

“Can I ask you a question?” Carol asked

“Of course,” still working the keys on the laptop.

“This is like, a really personal question?”

I sat back from my laptop looking at her “Okay, what’s on your mind?”

“Do you like me?”

That question threw me, ‘what do you mean like you, I love you’. “Yes, I like you. You know that.” I answered as more of a question.

“No,” Carol responded sitting up straighter. “Do you like me as a girl? Do you like my body?”

“Okay, you are confusing me now. What are you really trying to ask me?” I was really puzzled where this was going, but I had a deep fear that I knew.

Carol sighed and looked down at her lap for a moment “I guess there is no better way to ask this, so I will just come straight out with it. I hope you won’t hate me”

I just sat there, not knowing what to say

“Are you gay?” Carol asked, looking up and right into my eyes.

A sledge hammer hit me in the chest! My mind was racing in 400 different directions. That was the same question I had been asking myself since I was 16, and it was the last question I expected to hear from her. ‘How do I answer that question, ‘yes Dear, I am a faggot’? I don’t know if I am or not but I am not going to be an outcast, what would people think of me? What would my parents think of me? What would Carol think of me? How dare she put me in a spot like this!’

“What makes you think I am gay” I answered with to too much volume in my voice, and anger moving in.

Carol lowered her eyes again “I have seen you watching other guys at school the way a girl would, your fashion sense and love of dresses. The fact that as hard as I try I can’t get you sexually excited or make you cum. The stuff that……”

“That shit makes you think I am gay? I can’t believe you would say something like that to me,” I almost shouted. My vision started to blur as my heart was racing. I stood up so fast my chair tipped over.

“Tim, please, I am just trying to understand…” Carol had tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Understand what?” I placed both hands on the table and leaned toward her. “If I’m not man enough for you, then go find another one, but don’t make out that I am GAY as your excuse!” I was shouting now.

Carol was in full tears and sobbing “Honey, I am sorry”

“Don’t call me Honey and gay in the same damn conversation!” I screamed “You don’t accuse your ‘Honey’ of being a fucking faggot!”

Carol covered her face with her hands, sobbing openly now.

“I think you need to go home now,” I growled, turning away to leave the room “I hope the next guy meets your standards.”

Carol’s makeup was streaming down her face as she gathered up her books and computer and ran out the door “I love you Tim, I just wanted to understand.” she sobbed as the door closed behind her.

We all do things in life that we regret and wish we had done differently. The last fifteen minutes would be on the top of my regret list for many years. I lay in bed and cried all night realizing how big a fool I was. I had just sent the best friend I had ever known running from me in tears, because I was too big a coward to trust her with my confusion and my own fears that I didn’t know who I was or what I was.

I saw Carol in class for the rest of the semester, but she never sat near me or looked at me and I never tried to approach her. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was fear, but whatever it was, I could not get past it. Cindy even came to me and tried to talk to me, but I sent her away. I wanted nothing to do with anyone, just leave me alone.

After the semester was over I saw Carol downtown one night on the arm of another guy, a big guy, a real guy. Even though it was my fault it still hurt as I still loved her, but I had screwed it up. I silently wished her happiness. Regrets are nasty things.

Carol did not return to college for the last semester and I had lost contact with Cindy as well. I spent the last semester working alone and hating just about every minute of it. I wanted to get out of there and get away from the memories. The skeletons were coming out of the closet at night and dancing on my bed so sleep was another thing I learned to live without. Depression was a big battle for me and I had to throw myself into my school work just to maintain a distraction so I could not remind myself just how miserable I was. My family wanted to have a graduation party for me when I finished my Associates Degree in Business, but I talked them out of it. I told them it was not really a degree as it did not mean anything. We could celebrate when I finished my BA in Accounting but not now. I didn’t go to the graduation ceremony; just had the school mail my diploma.

The party was held anyway, but not just for me, so it was easy to disguise my feelings of it. April, who had passed her Bar exam the year prior, was bringing home the man that had proposed to her. He also was a lawyer by the name of Robert Sanchez. Mary and John were also coming home with their 2 year old daughter Elizabeth and the announcement their second child was on the way.

It was pretty easy for me to get lost in the crowd and not draw much attention. At the same time I had to work hard to hide my resentment of my own family. How could they have such happy lives and loving partners and I be so miserable? Both Mary and April asked me about Carol for which I did not have an answer. I had no idea where she was. The best time I had during the whole visit was playing with my niece Elizabeth. She was such a beautiful little girl and we would sit and play for hours with her toys and dolls and read books. Spending my time with her was the best I had felt in a long time

As with graduation from high school, my dad and I spent many hours discussing my attending State University. Dad had already planned that I would be staying in one of the dormitories and he was prepared to cover that cost. For many reasons that I could not explain to him, there was no way I was living with a bunch of guys. No, I wanted my own place, my own apartment, but the cost of supporting that was beyond his reach. To my dad’s credit, instead of just telling me ‘No’, he sat down with me and worked out a couple of spreadsheets to do the cost analysis of staying in an apartment. We took some estimates for rent from the Internet and then threw in utilities, my car expenses, food and renters insurance. We then compared that to the price of staying in the dorm so I could see what the difference was. Dad then told me if I could make up the difference by finding another job, then he would go with it, otherwise I would have to settle for the dorm. With that knowledge in hand, I left my job at the grocery store 3 weeks early, loaded up my car and headed out on the 5 hour drive to my new town.

Registration at school was taking place all week long, and I had until Friday afternoon to make my class and living decisions. The University had mailed me a class schedule, and I had been working with an advisor via email to build a course of study for the next two years. I already knew which classes I needed to sign up for so the big thing for me was to settle the living situation and a job. I reserved a dormitory room at the University as a last resort, but I had until Friday to either pay for it or let it go. I had reservations at a Best Western two blocks from the campus, and I arrived there around 6:00pm that Sunday evening. Next door to the motel was a Denny’s restaurant and Mini-Mart gas station. After checking into my room and dropping off my luggage I headed to the Mini-Mart to buy a newspaper, than walked over to Denny’s for dinner.

I took a quick glance through the classified section looking at apartments for rent and found a fair number of 1 to 2 bedroom places on the market. However, my biggest concern was getting a job, so I skipped the apartments for the time being, and started in on the ‘Help Wanted’ section while having dinner. There were a lot of positions listed that were called ‘college kid specials’ as they worked around school schedules and were in the 10 to 15 hour per week range. I needed something more substantial, I had a pretty big cost gap to make up. One ad that caught my eye was an advertisement for a full time night janitor, 34 hours per week plus benefits, and the ad said it could work for a dedicated college student. I circled the ad along with a couple of others, with the plans of calling the next morning.

Monday morning, right after breakfast, I sat in my room and started calling the half a dozen or so job ads that I had marked the night before. The first 3 were rejected right away, as they were day only jobs and the schedule could not be worked around a college plan. When I called the department store that was advertising for a night janitor, my call was answered by a lady named Debbie in their HR department. I introduced myself, told her what I was interested in and told her I was a college student and this was my first semester at the University. Debbie gave me a little more information on the job, as it was a 34 hour per week, 3 nights per week as a janitor and the nights were Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Debbie said they had been having trouble filling the position as most college kids don’t want to work on Friday and Saturday nights. When I told her the shift did not bother me, and I was still interested, she asked if I could come down to the store and complete an application. After getting directions, I told Debbie I would be there in about 30 minutes.

Finding the store was easy. They had big signs. Finding the HR department in the store was a bit more of a challenge. After asking 3 different people, and walking into two places I didn’t belong, I finally found Debbie. She was a slightly large 40 something, with short brown hair and very friendly smile and eyes. I was given a copy of their standard application form, which I filled out at Debbie’s desk and returned to her. She handed the application to one of the other ladies in the office who then took it to the manager for review while I talked with Debbie.

Debbie explained that the store was open from 9:00am to 9:00pm Monday through Saturday, and from 11:00am to 7:00pm on Sundays. Because the night janitors were locked in the building, not a safety concern, but we were not able to come and go as we pleased, the company paid for all time in the store including lunches and breaks. So the Friday night shift was from 9:00pm Friday to 7:00am Saturday. Saturday night was 9:00pm to 9am and Sunday was 7:00pm to 7:00am. Since I would get paid for the full shift, I would get 34 hours per week, which was above the 32 hour per week minimum for full time status.

Full time status meant that I also got Sick time, Vacation time, health insurance and could participate in their 401K, with company matching funds. Debbie said that one of the things that could really make this a great job for a college student was, in reality, there were only about 8 hours of actual work to do so I would have from 2 to 4 hours of free time each night, depending on how efficient I was, and the company did not mind if that time was used for school work. Their only rule was no sleeping, as the guys on the night shift were also stand in night watchmen to keep an eye on the store. She told me they had another gentleman that worked the Monday through Thursday shift so they only needed to fill Friday through Sunday.

All the while Debbie was talking I was doing some quick arithmetic in my head, Using the take home percentages that Dad had given me, I realized that I would be taking home almost $400 per week, which was more than enough to cover all my expenses. About that time Debbie’s phone rang and after a brief discussion she escorted me into the manager’s office. The manager introduced himself as John Stover, and said he had just gotten off of the phone with my manager back at the grocery store. Mr. Stover told me that I had received a very high recommendation and he would be happy to offer me the position if I wanted. There was no question in my mind, and over the next hour I completed all the employment paperwork, got my locker and arranged to come to work the following Wednesday night to work with Ed, the other night guy, for two nights of training.

I was probably walking about two feet off of the ground when I left the department store that day. As long as I could handle the schedule, which I did not see as a problem, I now had enough money and income to live wherever I wanted, and I did not need Dad’s help at all. I spent the rest of that day, and all day Tuesday looking at apartments, and finally settled on a small 1 bedroom place in a 20 apartment complex about a 15 minute walk from the campus. The place was small, but it had a bedroom, living room, kitchen with dining area, and a single bathroom. The manager offered me a discount for signing a 1 year lease, which I did, with a clause for a 1 year extension. The manager ran my debit card to cover the first and last month’s rent and once the transaction cleared, I was handed the keys. I had a new home. On Wednesday morning I finished up registration for my fall classes with an eye on Monday morning, released my hold on the dormitory and paid off the registration fee at the Registrar’s office. By noon I checked out of my motel and starting the drive back home. I had a lot of things to do if I was to be back here in time to go to work the next Wednesday night.

During the drive home the realization came to me that over the past 3 days I had not called my parents at all for advice or their opinion of my plans. I had just done what I thought was right, and that made me feel pretty good. Soon, however, I started wondering,’ What if they don’t agree, what if they think I made a mistake then what do I do?’ By the time I got home I pretty much had myself worried to the point of getting sick that I would disappoint the two most important people in my life. That night, sitting around the dining table with Mom and Dad, I had all my papers and laptop, and explained to them in detail what I planned, what I’d thought and why I’d done things. Dad sat there quietly, nodding his head once in a while, asked a question once in a while, but mostly just listened.

When I finished I sat back in my chair and looked at Dad “Well, what do you think?”

Dad sat there quietly for a couple of moments “Do you think you can handle the work schedule with your school?”

“Yes, I do,” I responded “as long as I watch my classes on Monday and schedule everything for the mornings. I think an afternoon class could give me problems, but mornings should be okay.”

Dad thought for a couple more minutes nodding his head slowly “I think you’re okay Champ, I think it is a good plan. What do you need from me?”

“Help with books and tuition should be all I need.” I felt like a thousand pounds had just been lifted off of my shoulders and I almost collapsed in my chair.

“I have always promised you that, no problem” Dad responded as he extended his hand to me. “You did well here, I am proud of you but you have to promise me one thing”

I could feel tears starting to fill my eyes as I took his hand “Thanks Dad. What?”

“You have to promise me that if you get into any financial difficulties you let me know. No pride thing here”

“I promise Dad” God, I loved this man. I hoped I would be half the man he was someday.

“Okay” Mom spoke for the first time “Then we have a lot of work to do. You need linens, pots, dishes and…”

Dad and I just looked at her as she started rattling off the list of things I would need at the rate of about 900 words per minute. Finally, she stopped in midsentence as she realized we were staring at her. “What?”

Both Dad and I broke out laughing.

The following Monday morning my Camry was packed with more things than I thought it could physically hold. Mom had found a lot of ‘surplus” household items that I needed. It was funny how much of that surplus stuff was still in boxes and wrapped in plastic but it all found its way into my car. I shook Dad’s hand I kissed Mom and she started crying.

“Mom, what is the matter?” I asked even though I was expecting this, as I was fighting the same thing.

“Oh, it is nothing, I am just being silly,” she responded “I just realized that your Father and I are now officially members of the ‘empty nesters’ club, and I am not sure I like that.”

I wrapped my arms around her for a hug and thought she was going to break my spine, but we finished the goodbyes and I headed off, with tears in my own eyes, for the trip to my new home and the next chapter of my life.