Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-12.

Chapter 12

“Ugnn! Holy cow this is heavy!” And I’m talking to myself pretty much back to work out and Mr. Seger’s place. I’ve been clearing out the big garage sheds and then helping him hauling old engines and stuff like that he had for his boat that he had kept even though he had replaced the over the years.

He’s sober bur still kind of a grumply gross knarly looking old guy. He’s definitely the definition of a curmudgeon. I think I’m getting more girl in the head because I swear when he does that snort inhale gather the loogies in the back of his throat and spits out the slimy wriggly goop with a “Git out ‘n walk.” My skin crawls.

I keep getting “Hey girl.” or “Missy.” I know it’s because I’m not really hiding my boobs because every once in awhile. I can feel him staring at me.

“What?” I ask after the seventh or eighth time.

“It’s gotta be th’ name.”

“What is?”

“Dylan, it ain’t a proper girl’s name. But yer damned strong fer a girl.”

“You know that sexist right?”

He hocks another chunk of wriggly crud, then shrugs. “Dunno but I ain’t never see a girl pull thet much weight.”

“Yeah…well… that’s why I said the thing was heavy! Are you ready yet?” Oh the fu… (Insert swear) rolls his eyes and says. “Nag, nag, nag…are you ready yet, always in a hurry on yer own time.”

I feel like I’ve got a mouthful of blood from biting my tongue. I mean its one thing to be exposed to this sexist macho bullshit. I mean hey…I was a pretty normal Guy at the start of the summer but now.

Now I don’t convincingly pass for being a guy unless you’re staring at my crotch.

But I still am a guy, sort of…truth is I’m sort of a gender mutt really but I’m guy enough I’m plenty strong and I do lots of stuff like this and physical work all the time, all my life and I… I work out but I’m getting this thin layer of the fat just under my skin everywhere that make girls soft and smooth. I’ve got lot’s of strong muscles they’re just getting hidden.

“I’m pulling that much weight because you’re moving slower than the second coming!”

It’s really starting to hurt. My hands are doing that ache from hanging on for so long. What? I’m using a winch…well isn’t there a lock? Noooooo….that’d be too easy the (Insert swear) thing is (Insert swear) broken.

My boobs hurt. I’ve got both hands in front of me gripping the chains and that means my arms are doing that clasp your hands push your girls together thing…

Uh-huh…well as its turning out that’s fine for a flirting gesture. Now do the same thing for like fifteen minutes hold like three hundred and fifty pounds of metal and having it your boobs being squished for that long.

I guess I’m getting mammogram practice in early.

And to top matters off it’s doing something to my bra that there’s this plastic bit sticking into me.

The rest of the afternoon is like that a sheer exercise in patience and humouring the old assh… (Insert swear.) We’re rebuilding the engine and getting his boat ready. Oh it’ll be nowhere near being done for any season this year. He hasn’t really touched this thing for several years and it’s in really bad shape.

I’ve been working on it for the last three days and other chores just trying to keep an even keel about my life right now. The Girlyemersion party was a bit of fun and an insight but also scared too. There’s a lot about that side of myself that really just clicks with the entire whole being female shtick.

I was thinking about getting the tattoo removed but it faded out since, I don’t get it and neither does anyone else. I mean on one hand it was this part of me that was from just before all this happened and on the other hand I’m looking more like a girl and there’s a lot of tattoos that just don’t look right on a girl and that as it was turning out was one of them.

The same as the swearing. I’m really fighting that habit, one I’m a hockey player and there’s a certain style of vocab that comes with that and two as much as I HATE this I’m from Jersey and middle classed family from a fair sized city…swearing is pretty common stuff.

So I’m cutting back on things. Again it’s partly appearances, I don’t like girls with an excessive potty mouth and that includes me. Then there’s the whole regional stereotype. I hate that Show Jersey Shore and that whole N.J. Guido mentality that’s going around.

………………………I’m tired by the time we’re done and I leave for home not biking anymore right now because it’s slowly but surely getting closer and closer to school and the end of summer break and I need to be in shape for the team. I can only imagine the holy hell that coming home’s going to be. Everyone knows, it got put out all over Facebook and the other places and I’m getting both support from some people but I’m getting lots of meanness and hate too.

I’m not hiding who I am and I’ve got a You tube channel set up with stuff from my doctors on it explaining what’s going on with me and links from my FB page to them again and back.

It’s still only going to be a stop gap. I’m expecting a lot of resistance to me going to school and mom and Dad have even been talking to our family lawyer going over policy in the district and everything just in case.

Mostly Mom. She’s gotten very defensive in that regard with me. Teens, other kids and that stuff she treats me just as stupid and guilty as the rest. We see eye to eye a bit more, I think I get her as a woman way more now and that took her out of just being mom or being the cop but something else too.

Then there’s finding out that I was adopted.

That’s up on my FB page that and finding that out and some of the hurtful comments there smart because there’s part of myself that wonders about it all. I mean I shouldn’t right? Even despite getting to see the police reports about the night that they found me and the shipwreck and the debris.

Dammit sometimes I hate being in my own head like this. I swear it’s the girl thing. I really can’t see to shut my brain off sometimes. I mean I can but it’s just that my head ever since the hormone assault began just seems more full….too full.

I’m jogging home as part of my training. Well part of the way, I’ve got my pack with me and I jog until I hit the chip-seal road and them take out my roller blades and my wrist and my ankle weights and stow my work boots in the pack. I push myself and head into town first and skate hard. There’s lot’s of resistance with the weights and the chip-seal is a lot harder to skate on than pavement. I relish the work out and dig in deep mentally to go harder and faster because I’m really expecting trouble with the team and the coaches when I get home.

At the very least I can see them making me try and prove myself all over again. I’m not just going to do that but I’m going to show them that I’ve gotten better. I make really good time getting to town and the first thing that I do is hit the garage and use the ladies room and pull off my top and get some cold water and paper towels and wet myself down to combat the “healthy glow” Hrmph yeah apparently girls don’t sweat. I get out my spare clothes and after a cool down get changed. I’ve been walked in on before but whatever bulge they see in my boxerbreifs is nulled out by the sight of my breasts. The most I get is looks.

I switch from my work clothes to basketball trunks and a red girls Nike sports top and I head to the bank first and get my check cashed for the day’s work. I take some more out but on second thought I put another twenty in my savings account. I’ve got enough on me that I should be able to get what I need.

Clothes, more specifically something that’ll look good and fit my for my date tonight.

I was talking online with Kaylee the last few nights and she said yes to us going out tonight.

Honestly this is quite a bit daunting. I’m not scared but I’m not shopping with anyone but myself. And I want to find a nice top for me that doesn’t scream girly but does show off my assets. Kaylee likes my boobs. And honestly I like that she likes them, it makes me feel good about having them in another way that just a sexual way.

I go through some of the stores downtown looking and there’s a lot of stuff that I’d wear but there’s a lot of beachwear and stuff in that theme of things.

I find myself lost and wandering a little until I sit and think while having a Mountain Dew. “There’s not much good getting a nice top without having the rest of the look.”

So instead of the top I go looking for components of a potential outfit.

Yeah, guys its how this works half the time. We have a general feeling like an unformed idea of…

Nah…

Guys like really it’s like this, you ever open the fridge because you want something and you don’t got a clue to what you want to eat it’s like that only I’m going for a look with clothes instead of a uh-yum kinda thing.

And I’m getting it there’s a message that I want to send with my outfit and there’s in that message there’s so much that I want to say really about myself and where I’m at, what I’m about and how I’m feeling.

And….shopping like a girl is expensive.

I get my things after awhile and I head home getting picked up from Hillary with her getting off work and we talk about the stuff that I bought and her ideas about that. And this goes right into this little bro-sis big sister thing as we get home, and we both get cleaned up and are talking right through each of our showers about each other’s outfits and even scents and stuff.

I refuse to wear Axe, too many guys drown themselves in that crap so I refuse to go with that I have just some decent stuff that I got as presents and I use this stuff Dad got me called wilderness that has this cologne thing to it for sure but it’s got this scent like…water? Rain? but also this hint of what I can only describe as the good part of the smell of fresh sawdust.. But I use with it my Secret brand deodorant and I use the baby powder scented stuff so the combine effect is this mascugirly scent of a girl but one that just came in from like being out in nature or something.

I actually thought a lot about this and what I should strive for as a scent for myself, we all sort of have them for ourselves. Hillary agrees that this is a good scent for me and she thinks it’s kind of hot.

I go with a real plain but nicely made/cut Jesika bra and white cotton Haines for her cotton panties because I want the cotton for comfort but the look too, I’m wearing khakis dress pants in a guy’s style that are a bit too big so I need a belt and Hillary does this really quick four point hem on the legs. I use one of my regular belts for the pants and wear with it a white thin t-shirt and that is tucked it so it shows off the shape of my body and my bra but not being able to see through it because of the whole white on white thing. I wear open instead of a jacket an open light brow dress shirt. Brown deck shoes, no socks but an ankle bracelet and a breast cancer pink rubber wrist band on the opposite wrist to my sports watch.

A little lip gloss, and just some eyeliner and wearing my hair long and loose and… “I look…boy girl femmybutch?”

Hill looks me over. “You look like Dylan but in a whole new way. You’re rocking the girly and the boy thing.”

“Yeah…I’m going to make intergendered all the rage.”

“Dylan…”

“Sorry, nervous.”

“C’mon let’s go.”

Hill drives me out to Kaylee’s cottage and I head up the driveway and there’s a bunch of people there and I get some looks. This big guy bald headed but that he was losing the hair battle so he shaved it off kind of bald. He looks at me from behind the BBQ grill.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m Dylan I’m here to pick up Kaylee.”

He’s looking me over scrutinizing me and there’s no mistaking that he knows about me, that they all know about me. I swear I can feel it and there’s a bit of that staring at the freak feeling mixed with this whole bit of undecidedness.

“C’mon up can I get you a drink?”

“Water if it’s not too much trouble.”

“No problem, heard you’re a hockey player.”

“Yessir, I’m J.V. for Patterson High.”

He passes me a water and he offers his hand. “I’m Doyle, Kaylee’s father.”

“It’s nice to meet you sir.” I take his hand and shake it firmly and not like a girl.

This woman comes out with Kaylee and she’s really staring at me. Kaylee does too but she gives me this long up and down look and she smiles at me then comes over. Her father looks at us. “You kids have a good time and Dylan…”

“Yessir?”

“Back by one, no later.”

“Yessir.”

The woman feels like she’s going to burst. And we start to leave and we can here her whispering to him. “Doyle! Are you going to let our little girl go out with that…that…I don’t know…boy with boobs, it’s not right…what if people think Kaylee’s a gay or something?”

Ouch…

I hear him say. “Dee-dee, from what I know he’s got a medical condition. He looked me in the eye and came to our door and shook my hand and called me sir. He don’t have sixteen stupid holes in his body and his hair’s all one color and his crotch ain’t to his knees. Compare to what she has and what she could be going out with I’m good with him having some extra padding.”

I’m blushing and so is Kaylee. We get to Hill’s car and I open her door for her. “Dylan oh my god I’m so sorry my mom she’s just…she’s just freaked out and stuff I’m sorry she’s usually not that much of a butthead.”

“It’s alright I’ve been expecting this to happen. Heck I’m expecting this to happen a lot actually.”

“We’re good?”

“Yeah we’re good.”

Hill takes us downtown and we hit the movie theatre to watch that Justin Timberlake movie with the really pretty brunette girl from the 70’s show in it. It was a lot better than I thought it was and I like how they’re both really kind of screwed up.

I treat and we share the popcorn and we end up kissing through the lovemaking scenes and oh I could really like this, the soft way of kissing, the sensation of her lipstick on my lip gloss is seductive in the extreme and those soft exploring touches…Kaylee’s hands touching me if even over the bra has me…

I feel that flush in them, that wave of heat and feel my areolas expand as my nipples harden. The ache but in this good way. Turned on nipple tension is actually a lot like these tiny little powerful boners complete with the breast aching like an unemptied testicle. It’s so good when she does touch those parts the sensations go right to my crotch and get me really hard.

And it’s on again and off again and it teasing or it would be teasing if I couldn’t identify it as Kaylee’s just as achy and turned on as me…and I get it, she might be just as hot and bothered as me but it’s not just about teasing, it’s not just about not looking like she’s not easy it’s kind of tantric…it’s pulling back when you get too close, it’s living on that edge and it’s building that anticipation.

Duh! How come I never clued into this before? Score another one for my girl brain stuff going on.

Our neck bout of kissing I slip a finer under her sweater and I trace her belly button over and over with it without sliding my finger into it and when we pull back I drag my fingertip down from the bottom of her navel to the waistband of her skirt. I pull my hand away before she can move it herself and I swear I can feel that tuning fork go off in her loins.

Oh…okay this can be fun…I can play this too.

And then there’s the fun of providing what looks like a same sex show to the people there in the theatre.

Some are mad, some are freaked and surprised to see it and then there’s some that are interested and likely……no…they’re very into it.

Sorry Dee-dee, I think there’s a whole mess of people who think that your daughter is a lesbian. “Kaylee, people are going to talk…your mom.”

“Dylan…I don’t care I like guys, and girls and…I’m really liking what’s in between…and I really like you…let people talk they’re going to anyway.”

“You sure?”

Her response is some really good kissing and her hand massaging my crotch we get into this feverish pitch of this for the rest of the movie and through the credits. I know it might be asking for trouble because of the last time that I was there but we walk and hold hands to Dairy queen where we can hang out a few hours and have something to munch on and listen to the tunes outside by the picnic tables and dance.

I head inside with her and I’m starving, I’m always starving lately and the smell of the fries is driving me to drool.

I step up to the counter and bump into this…guy?

Tall with long legs but in black jeans that are a little baggy with a kind of a punker double wrapped belt, they have a red t-shirt that sticks out from the big baggy black hoody that they are wearing and I’m saying they because I can’t tell…they’re drop dead gorgeous but really androgynous. An incredibly handsome soulful girl or this almost fae pretty too pretty to be a boy with the longest lashes and this jet black k-pop hair style and they look…those eyes, they are blue then green and they sort of shimmer like sunshine trapped in Caribbean waters like there’s this literal light in them dancing and hiding itself from the world.

Then in an equally androgynous voice they say. “Excuse me I didn’t mean to get into your way…” soft quiet and a shy voice with an odd accent to it, I can’t put a gender to the voice only to say soft…slightly lyrical? In pain?

“Uhm Dylan…”

“Hi…I’m Shy.”

“I can see that…”

They, he’s heading out the door with a bag of take-out. “No…Shy…its short for Cheyenne…..it was nice to meet you…” God they have the cutest ass, and there’s a sort of kind of girlish sway to them but…

I….

Uhm…

Why do I want to call out come back to them so much?

I dash to the door and they’re gone. I mean it was just a few moments and I can’t see Shy anywhere.

“Dylan? What are you looking for?” Kaylee asks giving me this strange look…I swear I can feel her confusion and some of that with the others inside.

“I was looking for Shy.”

“For who?”

“Shy.”

“Uhm I’m not following you Dylan, who’s shy?”

“No Cheyenne.”

“Okay, still in the dark.”

“The person that I just ran into.”

“Uhm when?”

“Just now.”

“Uhm Dylan we just walked inside, we haven’t run into anyone.”

“……………..”

WTF is going on.

I can tell no one has a clue of what I’m talking about. Were they like a ghost?

“Dylan? You okay?”

“Uhm Yeah, too much sun and too much crazy old man I guess, it’s probably just low blood sugar or something. Let’s get something to eat okay?”

“Sure I’m starving too.”

We step up to order and it’s not too much sun, or too low of blood sugar…I don’t know why I was the only one who saw them?

I know Shy’s real…I know they’re real because I can’t get them out of my head.