Lead Shoes-2

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Lead shoes-2

Chapter 2

I looked at Aunt Holly and once I was dry I took the panties with a shaking hand that was only really partly from my nerves. Aunt Holly turned her back and she let me get myself where I can get them on. That requires that I get up, mostly my arms doing the work and put a dry towel down so I can sit and not get the panties wet from sitting in left over or cast off water.

I got a lot wrong with me that’s a given but there’s something just so…I can’t really describe it actually having permission to wear the things that I’ve always wanted to wear, needed to wear.

Okay I might not be a dancer but I am a girl and my Aunt Holly I guess get’s it?

“Okay Mikayla I guess the first thing is you’re going to be a Nair girl, I’m thinking you and a razor would be a bad idea right?”

“Heh, yeah sort of if you were going to mug me or something I’d pull a knife and fuck us both up.”

I look at her through my bangs and she’s looking at me. Then she starts laughing… “shake’s…knife…fuck us both up…” then she gives me this one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad that you still have a sense of humor Kayla, you’re a tough girl and you’ve gone through a real load of heavy shit.”

I can’t help but sniffle at her calling me a girl and she smiles. “I’ll be right back; you get your butt in front of the sink and the mirror okay?”

“Uhm Okay?” Wait what? She’s leaving me alone. I don’t get out much more that that before she’s gone. I know she told me to be careful and she kinda left it at that…normally, it’d have been a lecture from Nan or Dad being pissed. It’s kind of nice not to be treated like an invalid.

I’m close sometimes but there are still things I could do, should do maybe?

I reach out still were I’m at and I turn the walker around. See if you don’t know most of them come with a seat that folds down. I set the brakes and then move myself over carefully, there’s not a lot of hurry when you’re like me. Besides if you’re hurrying things happen, whether the adrenaline and the increased heart rate triggers symptoms or just plain Murphy’s Law you just should take at slow. It saves on broken bones and bruises and stuff

I’m looking at myself in the mirror a few minutes before Aunt Holly comes back with some more stuff and what looks like tool kits like those Rubbermaid heavy duty ones set up with all the compartments.

“What’s that?”

“Make-up and stuff.”

“What, that’s a tool box!”

“Yup!”

She opens it and I totally get it. She’s got so much stuff in there all actually set up like a professional hairdresser or something. Tweezers, clippers, brushes and combs irons and like I said all of the stuff you’d ever want to make yourself look good along with a huge bunch of cosmetics.

Okay a real guy might completely drool over a chest of really nice tools but this…this…
“Wow…this is the coolest thing that I’ve ever seen! Can I?”

“Sure, feel free Kayla.”

We spend an hour in there as she cleanses my pores and then uses something to tighten them and then it’s just some maintenance…eyebrows, and she shows me some tricks of colors I can use and how to blend them when I have the shakes even…if I’m steady great but even when I’m shaking there’s just a few things that can be done to blend…I learn that tissues, and Kleenex’s are a girls best friends and that mistakes happen.

Even lipstick! Did you know if you get a soft shammy cloth and put down a layered patch of lipstick on it that all you do to get some decent coverage is to slowly kiss the patch…I can do that I’m pretty sure while shaking…just like blending in foundation and stuff.

Okay I might never use eyeliner on my own or mascara but some of this I can do. I’m being shown how to do.

And we do all of this while listening to music and Aunt Holly telling me what everything is in her tool box.

I’ve waited sixteen years to feel this alive. Once we’re done she heads into the main area of my bed room and she’s got some girls clothes laid out on the bed. Nothing all super girly but Yoga pant’s in grey and a pink stripe. Then there’s a soft blue scoop necked tee and we match the pink stripe with these pink barrettes for my hair.

“Okay Mikayla I think that we’re ready to go.”

We I get into my wheelchair and we head off down the hall. Aunt Holly’s house is good for my chair with that hardwood flooring stuff all over and not a lot of furniture I mean she just got out of prison so she had to put some stuff in storage or give it away or something. It’s a big bungalow style house not in a bad neighborhood but far from a nice area either.

Someone she knew built the wheelchair ramps for the house and stuff. We get into dad’s van well sort of. She has boxes and bags of stuff some of it I know as dad’s stuff that I never wanted and she passes it to me off the workbench in the carport (it’s kind of like a garage sort of?) and she get’s me to put them inside the van before I get in with the lift.

Okay I know it sounds strange but I wasn’t really allowed to do stuff, not simple stuff like this even. Yeah I might have a spell or a time where I might have trouble doing something but so far Aunt Holly is actually letting me do something.

We get into the van and pull out and start driving. “You okay back there Kayla?”

“Uhm yeah…Aunt Holly?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks…I mean really thanks, you took me in when you didn’t have to and you…you’re actually seeing me and you’re not all ‘You’re going to hell.’ Over it and stuff and you’re not treating me like I’m broken…”

“No problem. One Mikayla you’re family and there’s not a whole lot of us left or that are close. Two you’re not broken, you’ve got a condition, you were born with it and you’ve gotta deal with stuff as it comes. They didn’t do you any favors by locking you away like an invalid. Besides…”

“Besides?”

“Yeah this is a perfect segue into the whole talk we have to have about you and the stuff I want you to do around the house when you’re not in school.”

“Like chores!”

“Ha! Yeah you sound excited now. Yes Mikayla chores I’m not just forking you over spending money so you can go and blow it at the mall with your friends.”

“I don’t have any friends… No one wants to really hang out with me.”

“Well Michael didn’t have any friends and your Dad kept you home most or the time and no offence to your Nan but the old school fire and brimstone church she was part of wasn’t exactly a teen hangout.”

“You think that, I might meet people that’ll like me?”

She stops at this place, it looks kind of seedy and stuff. She turns in the seat. “Look Mikayla, you’ve been you for just less than two hours and I see a real difference in you and the sullen messed up guy that had moved in. Now c’mon.”

It takes some time to get out of the van and I get out of my chair and sit on the edge of the open doorway and pull the stuff to me and stuff. She goes into the store…I mean it’s seedy like I said but there’s an open sign in neon and stuff there. She comes out with a dolley and we load the stuff onto it and we head inside once I get my butt back into my chair.

The Place in Cruise’s and My Aunt Holly Takes me to my very first pawnshop. It was a bit of a bitch to get in over the bump space from the pavement to the inside of the store. She holds the door for me and …she lets me deal. The big trick for something like that…is to really try and get over that five inch hump and I do that back wheels first. It’s hard.

I could’ve just let it stop me and stuff but I’d miss out on a lot of stuff if I let that kind of thinking set in. I’ve seen other people in wheelchairs do it on stairs so…yeah my arms aren’t great but it’s just one step.

I’m doing more than I ever thought. It’s emotional stuff kind of too, just getting past something that’s seem easy, everyday. I get in and she let’s go of the door and takes the dolley and we head to the counter.

But as we do I get an I knew you could do it smile from her.

I literally don’t remember the last time that someone looked at me like the believed I could do something.

The guy’s name behind the counter is named Jim and Aunt Holly introduces me as her niece Mikayla. He’s smoking a cigar which says a lot because it’s illegal to smoke in public places and he’s got a big beard and beer gut that just adds to the big burly gruff biker like image he has.

He reaches over and shakes my hand but not that firm guy shake but the way a guy shakes a girl’s hand. There’s a look in his eyes that yeah he knows but he doesn’t care. He’s actually all business as my aunt Holly is selling some of Dad’s things that were so precious he was holding out to sell them off dead last.

I mean there’s nothing really there that’s sentimental for me in there. His playboy collection which surprised me as I had no clue these were worth anything got a good amount of money as did his hockey card and baseball card collection and there was a box of Hot wheels toy cars in their boxes? That’s about in and in the end after her arguing with him over how he was going to make a mint on e-bat with some of this stuff she got four hundred dollars for the stuff cash and he threw in an old color TV and a playstation two and some games, as well as a small women’s sized leather biker jacket. I was black and scuffed up and old but it had been cleaned.

It was a lot easier getting out of the pawnshop than getting into it and she let me take the jacket and the game on my lap while she carried the TV. We got the stuff loaded into the van and she takes the jacket.

“Here…this is for you.” She opens it and holds it open for me.

“For me?”

It’s likely the coolest thing I’ve ever owned. It’s like one of those women leather jackets that you’d see someone like an actress or a female rock star would wear. I slip my arms into it and she points at the door of the pawnshop where I can see my reflection.

I see me, this very real version of the real me there…I turn and hug her around the waist and cry into her stomach.

And she let’s me.

I don’t get ignored, or told to shut up or anything like that. She just rubs my back and just before I let go she uses her arms to pull me into a hug.

“Sorry Aunt Holly, It’s just…”

“Been full of suck, I know…”

“Thanks…”

“Hey, Family remember, it means a lot to me at least and besides. A good cry is just what the doctor ordered. You look a bit better there behind those eyes of yours.”

“Behind my eyes?”

“Just a saying I got from an old timer. Its part of the eyes are the windows to the soul thing. Well kiddo anyone who did that with you who actually gave a fuck could see the pain there.”

“Oh…cool…”

“Yeah you’re Aunt’s a bit weird, you’ll get used to me I hope……here.” She passes me all the money from the pawnshop.

“But…”

“No, this stuff came from your old man’s junk, after the crap he put you through you deserve this. You’re going to need it, its expensive being a girl.”

“It is?”

“Oh yeah it really can be. But I’ll help.”

“Help?”

“I get money from the province for keeping you with me as your legal guardian and stuff until you turn eighteen and then it gets turned over to your name except for the child tax credit and that only keeps going past you being eighteen as long as you’re in school or college.”

“College?”

“If you think that you want to go yeah, I mean you can get help with all the educational stuff but your brain works you can learn lots of stuff that’ll land you a decent job.”

“Job…College, I’ve never really though that I could do anything like that…Dad and Nan…”

She leans down and looks at me right in my face.

“Fed you a bunch of crap based on their own prejudices and it was real easy for them to live off the money you were bringing in too and get to feel all better than you all the while being able to play being the martyr for taking care of you.”

She looks pissed. Really pissed.

“You’re mad….”

She blinks and stands back and we start getting into the van but she’s still talking. “I am, there’s some people who never should be allowed to be near kids even if they can have them and ……………I… Kids should be shown how to live the best life that they can, taught and encouraged and…..they should get to grow up with out having PTSD from it.”

I look at her and she’s wiping the start of tears with the back of her hand. I schooch forward and rub her back this time.

“Mikayla, me and your mom we didn’t have a good childhood, not at all…it’s why we’re both all kinds of messed up. I learned a lot while I was away and it helped and stuff but I just see what they did to you and what they would have done to your life and with what we’d been through… I swore any kid of mine was going to get my best as fucked up as it is.”

“It’s not fucked up Aunt Holly, I think it’s awesome…and no one has ever treated me like you have even now. No one in my life would’ve told me anything like this before.”

“Oh Kayla…….it’s what we do, we’re girls we’re supposed to be like this for each other.”

And we both hug each other and cry on each other for a little bit before she sniffles. “Okay…we got to get to the hospital and see to your appointments.”

“Appointments?” Like in plural?

“Yeah, I’ve got you set up with appointments with physiotherapy and occupational therapy plus in two see my doctor and get you checked out as a new patient and see what she says what we can do with your transgendered situation I mean like from the medical side and stuff.”

“You’re serious…you’re going to let me be a girl?”

She looks at me. “Let me ask you something seriously, are you sure you’re a girl?”

“Yes!” I say in fast without hesitation.

“Then don’t you think that we should get what’s been going on fixed then, I think you’ve been dealing with something that can be fixed for long enough right?”

I hug her carefully as she’s driving. “You’re the coolest you know that right?”

“Yeah, yeah I guess I’ll just have to suffer through it. It’s a curse.”

We both end up laughing together and even a few giggles come out which stuns me because well…There’s not been a lot to laugh about and I’ve never giggled before either, and that sets us both off again.

***

Okay I’m sitting in Dr. Grant’s office and there’s a sign with the whole GLBT rainbow triangle there saying that the place is a safe zone and that this office is a haven for all patients that are and the whole politically correct list follows with even all the gender-queer and even non-gendered? Are seen here and are expected to be given the rights and respect of any individual under the law.

In my whole life back home I’ve never seen that in a doctor’s office.

Dr. Grant’s a nice looking mid forties black woman and she easily puts me at ease and she calls me Mikayla and makes some notes and tells her clerk to add my real name to my chart.

I’m sixteen so she actually get’s me a bottle of water and another woman comes in and calls herself Dr. Scott then they ask Aunt Holly to step outside and we Talk. Yeah in caps talk and she’s done this before, I’m so at ease with them because the place seems like it really is a safe have that we talk and I spill my guts, I open up and tell her everything that’s been going on.

She looks at Dr. Scott. “So Abbey, what do you think?”

“I think this young lady is remarkably brave to have survived what she’s gone through and I’d like to see her more as a patient but at her age and the two year standard of care will put her into where she needs to be. I’ll want a few more sessions to be sure but seeing what we’re seeing.”

“Uhm excuse me but I’m a little lost.” I say to them.

Dr. Grant looks at me smiling. “I called Dr. Scott down as a child psychologist, she works with a lot of LGBT kids and I wanted her second opinion on your case.”

Dr. Scott adds in. “I’m going to ask that we start to have a few more sessions just talking and so I can see where you’re at and then we can see about you getting a proper course of treatment.”

“Really! like how many?”

“We’ll have to see, just keep living and doing what you’ve been doing today and hopefully we’ll have a good start by the time you’re ready to start school.”

“But…I really feel…”

Dr. Scott leans over and rubs my shoulder. “You’ve waited this long and if this is who you really are Mikayla a little while longer won’t change that. Use the time to really feel things and let your Aunt show you stuff and teach you things in between then and now.”

“So I don’t have to go back to acting like Mike and wearing all that stuff and faking it?”

“No honey, faking it would be bad. All we want is for you to be your real self.”

“Okay…” I sniffle.

I get out of there after the full exam and a whole frigging gallon of blood I think and then we’re off to the other departments. But before I go in Aunt Holly takes me into the bathroom so we can fix our faces.

We talk about what they said and that what’s going to happen is they want to see me some more before I get this thing called a carry letter that say’s I’m in transition and that I’ll be going through my RLT until I’m like eighteen then we’ll look at me getting things put to rights.

I can’t believe that they believe me, and that I’m…me…Mikayla am finally being taken seriously and everything.

I haven’t even gotten a single stare or dirty look since I’ve been here.

***

OT or Occupational therapy is not something that I’ve had before and it’s usually for older working folks trying to get back on track and stuff. But my appointment here was like the stuff Aunt Holly was talking about.

Getting a job…going to university…There’s so much that I could do really….Like the clerk there in OT, she’s blind and she uses a head set and a Braille keyboard and even a thing that she can really read.

I’m reading the stuff they gave me all the way to physio. I…I…never thought.

***

Then the most scary and freaky and amazing thing in my life happened while I was in the waiting room at physiotherapy.

I was still reading the stuff getting pretty into all the stuff with jobs and computers that use all the hands free stuff and the touch screen stuff when this guy sit’s down in one of the chairs beside me.

I flicked a glance in his direction and he smiles at me.

It wasn’t that smile a guy gives another guy.

This was this sorta charming, teen boy kinda sweet smile that turned my brain off. He had short cut but kind of spiky black hair and these green eyes that were so…I got lost in that green right up until he spoke.

“Cool jacket.”

“Huh...wha...” Oh smooth Kayla, smooth. What’s next flirt with him by taking a seizure?

He smiled and it made me feel funny inside. “Uhm, nice jacket.”

“Oh uhm thanks?”

“I’m Will.” He extended his hand and it was pretty messed up and had these new and red scars all though it and they looked like they had put the arm back together or something.

“I’m Mikayla.” Oh, oh, oh…oh! OMG I just told a boy, a real boy a cute boy my name.

He looked at me looking at his arm. “Car accident, they nearly cut it off…”

“Ow…how’s the physio coming with it? If you don’t mind me asking…..”

“Good, the whole getting my grip back’s the hardest bit and there’s some nerve damage so I get the shakes ever now and then but I still have it so I can deal. But there’s one thing that kind of is a let down.”

“Oh?”

“That whole girls digging scars thing? Turns out. Notsomuch.”

“Well if a girl was just into you for that then you really should find someone else.”

“Yeah but ah well, there really isn’t anyone anyway.”

“Uhn-huh, me too.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah like I’m really date material like this?” I gesture at myself. “It’s too intense and too real for most people to even talk to me let alone anything else.”

He looks around as someone calls out William Snow and he gets up. And he smiles at me and digs in his jacket pocket and takes out a pen and leans down and takes my arm and he’s writing and staring me in the eyes and making me feel super funny and my brain stop working and stuff and…he write down his name and his phone number and his e-mail addy on my arm.

“I was in a car that rolled like fifteen times Mikayla; I think I can handle your intensity…besides…you’re cute.”

“………………..”

“I’ve gotta go that’s me their calling for. Call me…”

He leaves following the nurse and I just stare at his really cute butt until he gets out of sight around the corner.

OMG….

I talked to a boy, and he talked to me and he thinks I’m cute….I look at my aunt Holly who smiles this great big huge grin at me.

Then we share this whole spastic girly Squee fit that’s so bad one of the nurses ran over to check and make sure I wasn’t having some kind of seizure.

And that happening was just too much and too funny and we cracked up laughing all over again.

I like laughing….I want more of this.

I want to really live.

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Comments

Really Moving Well...

I meant the story, but Kayla too, in just about every sense of the word. Talk about a very different life...

I'm glad now that Rachel brought this situation up. You're doing a great job with it.

Eric

Thanks Eric:)

This part was still simmering away in my head after I put up the original and people seemed to want more. I'm really trying to do justice to Kayla and her life. I'm glad she brought this up too. There needs to be some more altered perspectives here I think.

*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Great story

It's so hard putting comments on stories like this one...

Great please continue seems a bit lame, but what can I do ;)

Thank you for writing this captivating story,

*hugs*
Beyogi

But it's really, really appreciated Beyogi.

And it's not just because I'm really loving getting these comments but the more that people read and comment it helps get attention for the subject of CP and opens up people just talking and getting more aware.

So every bit helps.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Thank you Bailey,

ALISON

'as I said after the first chapter,'Don't stop'.Fantastic!

ALISON

Thank you again Alison Mary.

It's really great to have the support.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

joining life

is more like it. her dad and nan just kept her away from doing any real living.
has Holly had any contact with the runaway mom, I can forsee a real ass chewing coming out of that at some point.
good chapter, things are moving in the right direction for her.
thanks

Thanks Lonewolf:)

I love the sentiment of the comment, that's the exact feeling I was going for. As to Kayla's mother I have no idea.
Thanks for the great comment.
*Hugs and Howls.*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Nothing I can add

But I'll put this here anyway, just so you know.

Intense

This story is as intense as Kayla's intensity.

I like it!

Martina

Thank You md:)

I'm glad that you're getting so much out of this.
Thanks for commenting.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

VERY GOOD

This is very good I realy like the Aunt and how she looks at life and how to care for her sister. It's inspiring to see the inclusion of another often hidden, or ignored, member of the GLBT world to our attention, knowing what there struggles help us who do not have the same challenges be inspired by those who do.
Love
Misha

"I was complaining about having no shoes when I saw someone with out any legs."

The only bad question is the one not asked.

The only bad question is the one not asked.

Thanks Misha

I'm really glad that you like Holly, I liked writing for her too:) I do like writing new perspectives though.
Thank you again for the great comment.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Paying it forward

Aunt Holly is so kool! I did see we got some more information about her side of the family. Bad things happened to both her and Kayla's mom which explains why perhaps she bailed when things went bad. However, Holly was able to get some help and put herself in a better situation. Paying forward, putting family first sounds like Holly really has stepped back from the edge. As for the Mom, she's really dropped off the radar if the court couldn't find her.
Really great caring stuff!
hugs
Grover

I liked the thought of that too Grover.

Holly's one of those people who went through a lot of crap and did the hitting bottom thing and has found away to get back to where she can try to live a normal life. She's trying to pass it on.
Thanks for the great comments.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Oh my word, that was quick!

Extravagance's picture

I haven't even gotten 'round to drinking that saucer of blood yet.
Rest assured though, the quality has not suffered as a result of the speed. ^_^
*HuggleSnugglePurr* <3

- - -

Vampire Catgirl. I love huggles, and drinking blood out of a saucer on the floor! ^_^
Vampire_Catgirl.jpg
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :D

Catfolk Pride.PNG

Thanks so much little bloody paws:)

I'm so glad that you liked this one. There was just more of it there that needed to come out.
Thanks for the comment Extravagance.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Resonance

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

“You think that, I might meet people that’ll like me?”

I remember a time when I knew that feeling so well as a kid. It doesn't matter who you are, you want friends, you want the joy of human contact and interaction. Sure, you can live without it but it does really make things easier. I hope that Mikayla with the help of Aunt Holly can begin to live the life her father and grandmother didn't let her have.

The only concern I have is that with this and all the other stories you write, when do you sleep Bailey?!?! ;-)

 


"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

I love that resonating feeling...

When a reader can feel a feeling that takes them back to something in their own experiences. Hearing these connections is such a great thing to us writers because there's a feeling of us actually accomplishing something along with entertaining and offering an escape.

Thanks for the great Comment Jemima.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Running out of superlatives

Bailey, you continue to astound me every time i read your work. you manage both quantity and quality, seemingly effortlessly.
This tale is so much about being treated as a person, and that's mostly what most of us want. to be treated as people.
Thanks for Lead Shoes and i hope Mykayla will be out of them and into ballet shoes in her near future.
Love you Bailey,
Diana

That's so true Diana...

Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bi, Trans or any race or faith we all just want to be seen as who we are and to be accepted for it...maybe even loved? Sometimes the stories just come easily when the great storylines come along.

Thanks for the great comment.
Love You Too Diana:)
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

leave it to you, Bailey

to create a protagonist that's this wonderful, I just cant help cheering for her, and her aunt.

Dorothycolleen, western member of "Bailey's Angels"

DogSig.png

You're so very Welcome Dorothy.

The story was just one of those ones that just came as the idea formed. I'm glad you like Mikayla, I've always thought of it as a great name for a girl.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

Blues skies...

It's like the sun came up and swept away the night that had been Kayla's life.

This is another enormous perspective shift.

Just... Wow!

Your ability to climb inside someone's head, to identify with their particular trial and help us do it too while learning to love your characters is just amazing.

Thank you.

Valentines_face_crop.jpg

Battery.jpg

Thanks Abby:)

I think that's something I got from my Dad:) He had always stressed being empathic towards other people. He used to say you can't figure a person out you have to feel a person out. That and a lot of role-playing, a love of storytelling and just a mish-mash of other stuff.

I got Lucky with this though once I started it just starts pouring out.
Thanks again Abby.
Happy Halloween.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

I like laughing - Baily

Yes me too!

I Have never before seen or read a story, ever, that explored the transgendered, disabled and or handicapped Bailey!

I have to give you a big PLUS for this one.

You have awakened in me to the problems that they live with and maybe suffer without any care and support.

What can I do to assist, and I know going to, -> there: may be impossible from where I am now.

Doesn't life bring challenges?

By the Bye, great story!

LoL
Rita

I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac.

'Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.'

Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)

LoL
Rita

Thanks so much Rita:)

They're out there and I hope that this is at least bring some awareness to their situations. I'd like/hope for it to have us say as a community. "Hey...We see you."
I wish we could do more too.
Thanks for the great comment Rita.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.

Bailey Summers

I like Kayla

which is a sure sign I am liking the story...