Authors Notes:
Zoe and I broke this into two parts, 10.1 and 10.2 there will be a filler story between the two parts, enjoy

Sarah awoke feeling a bit groggy, and not sure exactly where she was. She slowly tried to move her head until she could see her mother sitting in a chair near her bed, watching the TV on the wall, while the twins’ father Peter sat close by, sipping coffee from a styrofoam cup. It seemed incredibly loud to her, but she knew her mother would obviously never have the volume up that high.

“Mmmph,” she groaned. Margaret jumped, shutting off the TV as Peter set his coffee aside and stepped closer. “You’re awake!” her mother gasped, but before she could page a nurse, Sarah’s doctor, an older gentleman with a neatly trimmed, graying beard passed through the door.

“Doctor, she’s awake!” Margaret repeated. The doctor stepped closer and smiled.

“Well, you’re finally back with us? How do you feel, Sarah? Any pain at all?”

“Neck’s stiff,” Sarah mumbled. “Can’t hardly move.”

The doctor nodded, leaning closer as he took a pen-sized flashlight, shining it briefly in Sarah’s right, then left eyes. “How much do you remember?”

She flinched, shutting her eyes tightly, but not from the flashlight. “I remember blood everywhere... Broken glass, screaming, and being moved around a lot.”

“Do you remember what you were screaming?”

“Cut it off,” Sarah answered with a cold neutrality.

Margaret glanced nervously at the doctor, but he smiled reassuringly. “Sarah, I want you to just lie back and relax for now. In a minute, Doctor Ketzowski’s going to come talk to you about what happened.”

Sarah tried to nod, but flinched. “Whatever,” she mumbled.

Margaret squeezed Sarah’s hand gently, but the girl gave no response. She didn’t even try to squeeze back, just staring blankly at the ceiling. Peter carefully rested his hand on Margaret’s shoulder, and she smiled up at him, if weakly, resting her free hand over his.

“You’re probably tired of people asking how you feel,” Barbara’s voice called from the door as she entered. Sarah shrugged as best she could without responding. Barbara approached, taking Sarah by the hand, though careful to avoid the IV in her arm. “Sarah honey, do you remember anything after they brought you in?”

“Not really,” she answered. “I remember telling some guy in a white lab coat to bring me a knife.”

Barbara nodded. “You’re still under a light sedative, so some memory ‘gaps’ are to be expected. Sarah, there’s no easy way to tell you this. Zoey and I discussed your future at great length, and then we discussed it with your doctors, with Ashleigh, and with your family.”

That seemed to grab Sarah’s undivided attention. Her eyes went wide. “Please no,” she tried to beg. “I’ll be good I promise. Please don’t keep me here!”

“Sarah, calm down, we’re not going to hospitalize you any longer than it takes for you to recover. We decided that it was in your best interest to undergo an emergency operation.”

“W-what kind of operation?”

“Gender reassignment,” Barbara answered gently.

Sarah blinked back at her several times. “Y-you mean it’s gone?” she whispered.

“In essence,” Barbara answered. She wanted to tell Sarah that it wasn’t a decision made lightly. She wanted to tell her that her suicidal urges meant they had no other choice, but she feared making Sarah’s already fragile psyche even more unstable. Instead, she smiled.

“We have a long road of recovery ahead, and not just physical, but I have already taken steps to clear my schedule so that I can work with you as much as possible. Zoey has also offered her services.”

“Zoey’s here?” Sarah asked softly. Barbara nodded.

“As well as your friends, Robin and Nikki, Katelyn, and those blonde twins who finish each other’s sentences.”

Sarah actually cracked a smile. “Can I see them please?”

Barbara leaned down to kiss Sarah’s forehead. “You need to get some rest, but I’ll ask the nurses to let you have some visitors.”

As Barbara turned to step out, Sarah squeezed Margaret’s hand. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s gone,” she whispered. “It’s finally gone.”

Margaret held her tongue. What could she say? She had no words, merely grateful that Sarah was still alive. She knew the horrible road to recovery that her youngest daughter would face, and Sarah’s excitement, even if tempered by the sedatives, drove the dagger deeper.

Sarah tilted her head toward the door as it swung open again. Katelyn stepped through first, followed by Robin and Nicole, all three of them carrying balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals that they set on a nearby table. Katelyn raced closer, and Sarah, without thinking, threw her arms out wide to accept her. Katelyn sobbed as she kissed Sarah several times, but incredibly gently, as if afraid she might break her.

“I love you, Runt, but don’t you dare ever scare me like that again,” she laughed quietly. Sarah squeezed her close, sobbing.

“I’m sorry. But I couldn’t... I couldn’t be a real girl. They said so. They said I wasn’t a real girl, and they were right. But I am now,” Sarah smiled. Katelyn shook her head slowly as she rested her forehead gently against Sarah’s.

“Don’t apologize,” she whispered. “I’m just glad you’re finally awake. You’ve been out for over a week.”

Robin and Nicole approached as Katelyn stood straight, still holding Sarah’s hand. Robin smiled as she spoke first.

“Hi Sarah. How are you feeling?”

Sarah wrinkled her nose. “Like shit,” she whined, tilting her head to stare at the two newcomers. “Nikki? … Why are you glowing?”

Nicole blinked a couple of times. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Glowing. You’re all... greenish. You too Robin, like a soft pea green. What the hell; did you eat like radioactive sludge for breakfast or something?”

Nicole and Robin stared at each other. Robin squeezed Nicole’s hand, shaking her head lightly.

“Can we get you anything?” Nicole asked.

“Kind of thirsty,” she answered. “And I’d like to see my friends.”

Robin smiled softly as she approached, bent down to hug Sarah, and kissed her cheek. Somehow she knew without a second thought, what Sarah meant by her request. “I’ll go track them down. They don’t know you’re awake yet.”

“Thanks Robin,” Sarah answered, squeezing her neck with her free hand before the older girl could stand.

Robin smiled warmly back at her then turned to step out. She pulled the door carefully closed, and turned to face the pretty young therapist who awaited her.

“You can go on in, ma’am,” Robin began, “But.... before you do, there’s something you should know.”

Zoey frowned slightly as she nodded. “What is it?”

“I think I know what set her off. I don’t know if Katelyn figured it out, or if it’s because I’m...”

“It’s okay sweetie,” she responded. “You don’t have to say it.” Zoey and Robin hadn’t exactly ‘bonded’ like she had with Sarah, but the two had shared some quiet time, and Zoey had read Robin’s letters before that, so there was no hiding from her anyway. Robin smiled a little as she nodded.

“Anyway, she said that ‘they’ said that she couldn’t be a real girl.”

“Oh shit,” Zoey almost mumbled, slapping her hand to her forehead. “Why didn’t she say something to one of us sooner? But it all makes sense now. Did she say if someone said it directly to her?”

Robin shook her head. “No ma’am. She just said that she had to do it, that she’d never be real if she didn’t.”

Zoey sighed softly. “It’s unfortunate that we don’t know whether they were even trying to hurt her, or if it was just innocent gossip that she overheard, however...”

“However?” Robin asked, hopeful.

“However knowing her trigger means we have a place to work from with her therapy, to make sure something like this never happens again. And we still did the right thing for her. Even knowing her trigger before wouldn’t have helped as much. This way, she can start to let go of her pain, and start to heal. She knows she’s ‘whole’, and speaking from experience, that’s a huge step forward.”

Robin frowned slightly as she nodded. “Yeah. Maybe some day I’ll be ready for that step, but right now, it’s too much too soon. I’m proud of her though.”

Zoey smiled, cupping Robin’s face gently in her hands. “Honey, each person’s journey is different. One of my closest friends, a girl like us, chose to never have her surgery. Do you know why?”

Robin shook her head slowly.

“It’s because she didn’t need it to feel whole. Presenting as female, living her life day to day as a woman, and a very prosperous one I might add, was enough. No one but her and her partner will ever see that, God willing, so it’s just not as important.”

“That kind of makes me feel better. I mean I look at Sarah and I realize this is what she needs. But for me it’s different. For me, it’s more a matter of wanting to not have to deal with stupid shit anymore, like explaining to my teammates for the fifteenth time in six months why I just can’t shower with them. It’s outward pressure to conform that gets to me, not an inward feeling of wrongness, so much.” She paused to smile faintly. “But don’t worry, I’ve been talking to Barbara about this stuff.”

“Well I’m going to be in New Haven awhile, so if you ever need to talk and she’s not available, you just look for me, okay? And for what it’s worth, your feelings are understandable. I never got involved in sports or cheer or anything like that, so I never had to worry about it. Like I said, each journey is different.”

Robin glanced over her shoulder, through the small window in the door to Sarah’s room before turning back to Zoey.

“Is seventeen too young? There’s too much I want to do this summer. I want to do the next session of Girl Scout camp, and I want to attend some cheer camps. I might even attend a basketball workshop, but I’ve been thinking for a couple of months now, about next summer.”

She paused, and Zoey smiled.

“It depends on the person. What exactly is it that’s driving you toward your decision?”

“I’m thinking about finishing high school without having my teammates wonder why I can’t shower with them, about never having to make sure the door to the bathroom stall is locked tight, about … just being free, not worrying about my friends or my girlfriend walking in on me changing my clothes. I know Nikki sees me as a girl - they all do, and I see myself as one, as one of them, but like Sarah, I’ll never truly be ‘one of them’ until I do this. I know that it won’t make everything perfect, but I’ll never have to think about it again, either.”

“I think that you’re smart to wait right now, if you can stand to do so. If you can live your life without the surgery, then you absolutely should, but if it’s something you want to do, if you can’t live without it, then you should follow your heart.”

“Thanks Zoey,” Robin whispered as she leaned up to hug the taller woman. “That helps so much. I’d better go find Em and Beth though. Sarah’s probably wondering what’s taking so long by now.”

Zoey chuckled as she nodded. “I’ll just tell her I distracted you, making sure you were okay. You are okay right?”

“Yes ma’am,” Robin answered warmly. “I’m wonderful, thanks to you.”

She grinned, giving Zoey’s hand a squeeze as she turned to walk away.

“Ouch-sonofabitch-it-hurts-down-there!”, screamed Sarah, going from sound asleep to wide-eyed terror in less time than it took her to awaken from the nightmare that started all this.

A passing woman with blonde hair in a tight ponytail, dressed in soft pink hospital scrubs burst into the room and raced to Sarah’s side. Sarah grabbed the woman’s arm, squeezing hard. “IT FUCKING HURTS!” she screeched. Peter and Margaret stood helplessly close by.

“Hang on sweetie,” the nurse tried to reason with her, but to little avail. She sprinted out of the room, returning a moment later with a needle and a bottle of medicine, from which she began to siphon something. “Hold her still,” the nurse instructed, glancing at the pair.

Margaret stood over Sarah, trying to stop her from thrashing about while Peter moved to the end of the bed, holding her legs still. The woman drove the needle point into the IV, shoving the plunger down.

“IT HURTS GOD DAMIT!” Sarah screamed. The woman, disposing of the needle, dropped the medicine into her pocket as she leaned over and took Sarah’s hand, kissing her forehead.

“Shh, it’ll be better soon. Just hang on a little bit longer.” At that, Sarah started to sob, but at least she had stopped screaming. The woman slowly ran her fingers through Sarah’s hair. “Just a bit longer honey. It has to work its way through your system.”

“Mmph,” she groaned quietly, slowly closing her eyes.

“There now, see? You just rest now, little one.” She smiled as Margaret eased herself back into her chair.

“Parenting should come with an instruction manual and a warning label,” she sighed, but chuckled at her own bad joke. Peter stood again, approaching Margaret to give her a friendly and reassuring hug.

“You can say that again,” he chuckled wryly.

The woman carefully pulled back the sheet, raising Sarah’s hospital gown just enough to examine the area. “Good. It looks like she didn’t rupture anything,” she advised, lowering the gown again and pulling Sarah’s sheet back up. “She was supposed to be on a morphine drip before she woke up,” she added, “But what I gave her will keep her comfortable until then. She’s lucky you know.”

“How so?” Margaret asked curiously. The woman smiled. “To have such loving parents. A lot of girls like her just end up as a statistic because their parents think it’s more important to save face than to love their child for who they are. Well, anyway, just let her rest for now. She shouldn’t have another episode like this any time soon.”

The pair stared at each other as if to silently ask if they should correct her. Finally Margaret answered, “Thank you, Nurse.. ehm...” Margaret hesitated upon realizing the woman had no nametag.

She rolled her shoulders and smiled. “Isabella, but I’m no nurse, ma’am, just an intern.” she answered.

“Ah. I thought you seemed a bit young,” Margaret responded. “But anyway, thank you.”

“Of course. Someone will be in to check on her shortly.” The girl smiled cheerfully and turned about to step out of the room.

Barely a few minutes later another nurse, this one dressed in blue, entered the room holding an IV bag. The older woman set about setting it up without much fuss or commentary until Margaret spoke up.

“There was just another young lady in here a few minutes ago. Sarah woke up screaming, and she gave her something for the pain. I didn’t know interns were even allowed to administer medications.”

The nurse paused in her work to slowly stare at Margaret. “They aren’t. What did she look like? What did her nametag say?”

“Oh, she wasn’t wearing one. She was about five feet, oh, four inches tall, pretty pink outfit and blonde hair in a ponytail. I believe she said her name was Isabella.”

The nurse slowly shook her head. “None of our interns where pink scrubs, for one thing, and for another, I personally looked at the duty roster this morning, and there’s no one by that name anywhere in this hospital.”

“But there has to be! She was right here just a moment ago,” Peter answered, mildly agitated.

The nurse shrugged her shoulders. “You said your daughter was screaming? I was standing right outside at the nurse’s station, and I never heard anything.”

Margaret hesitated, glancing between the woman and her daughter, who seemed to have not moved a muscle since she dozed off hours ago, and Peter. ”This doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t just dream it. You saw it too right?”

Peter nodded. “I’m going to go have a look around. She can’t have gotten far.”

“You said she injected Sarah with something? I’ll take a blood sample and get it processed top priority. Meanwhile we’ll monitor her vitals just to be on the safe side.”

As if on cue, Sarah slowly opened her eyes. She smiled meekly. “Tell the lady in pink thanks,” she whispered, closed her eyes, and went right back to sleep. Margaret and the nurse exchanged a glance.

“I think I need a drink,” Margaret mumbled. The nurse just slowly nodded. “I’ll... go get a needle for that blood sample.”