In the name of the Lady,  © 2007 by Kimby

The story of Frank and what happened to him when God got irritated.

Publication of this story is allowed on all websites under the following conditions:
- The text cannot be altered or shortened. If things are added to it, the reader should be easily able to identify what was added to the original.
- Access to the story is free. This also means it cannot be put on a website requiring paying membership.

This is the very first story I’ve ever written. That explains why it’s so bad. On the upside, it makes it a lot easier for me to do better next time. ;)
I’m not looking to make any monetary gain from this story. If it moves you so much you want to pays someone (frankly, I doubt that a lot. It’s not good enough) then please donate to a transgender fiction website in need of support.

Disclaimers:
1. If reading texts with sexual, political or religious contents can upset you, please go look someplace else. I don’t want to make you feel unhappy.
2. If you think someone else would object to you reading this text, don’t get caught. I will not help you if they get you, but if the story of the consequences makes the news I will remember your courage.
3. This story is fiction. I admit some elements of it are based on my personal life, but it’s doubtful you know me. So if you think you recognize someone in this story, think again.
4. I’m European, so the sport called ‘football’ in this story is real football, not that weird American game. If you live in the USA, you probably know the sport by the name ‘soccer’. It’s not very important for the story anyway. I’m only mentioning it to make fun of Americans: it’s a bad habit. :)
5. All errors of any kind made in this story are mine and mine alone except for those introduced by my spellchecker. I have no proofreaders, editors and such more. If anyone feels strongly about educating me by taking the entire thing apart, feel free to do so.

Driving home that night, Frank was remembering the meeting that afternoon. So many shocked faces, so many people devastated by this news. He thought back to the last time he had a day this bad, now four years ago.

“Frank we need to talk.”

Frank looked up to his wife of 23 years, surprised by her tone

“What is it Suzanne ?”

“This isn’t working any more. I can’t continue like this.”

Now he was completely baffled and also starting to get alarmed.

“What are you talking about ? What doesn’t work any more ?”

“This. Us. Our marriage. You don’t care about me any more.”

“What ?! What on earth do you mean ? Of course I care about you.”

“You have a strange way of showing it. Since our Ben died, you’ve hardly acknowledged my existence.”

The mentioning of the death of his son two years earlier caused a stab of pain, but the accusation made him also a bit angry.

“I gave you some space because you made it clear you didn’t want me around you. I know Ben’s death hurt you a lot, but do you think it was any easier for me ? I loved our son just as much as you loved him. I wanted us to help each other deal with the pain, but you pushed me away.”

“See what I mean: you can claim you love me but when it comes to it, you’re acting all hostile to me. That’s why I filed for divorce. If you really love me, then don’t fight it.”

That last sentence was a staggering blow to Frank. He sat down heavy. By the time he recovered, Suzanne had left for some unknown destination.

Five months later, he was divorced. He still had the house but it had cost him a very large part of his money to be able to keep it. The aggressive way Suzanne and her lawyer had adopted in taking as much of his money as possible hurt him a lot, but not as much as discovering the real reason for the divorce a month later: his ex-wife had a boyfriend. Very bitter, he only had one comment to make about the whole thing:

“More proof that God doesn’t really exist”

He wasn’t always been that cynical, but many disappointments in his life had beaten him down to his current level of depression.

“Come Frankie, we need to find you some nice things to wear this summer. Most of your clothes are getting too small again.”

“Okay, mommy. Look, this is pretty.”

“Frankie, those clothes are for girls, not boys. Come over here. Don’t you like this ?”

“Oh. I guess it’s okay. But those others are nicer. Why can’t I have one of those.”

“Because dresses are for girls and you’re a boy. Now let’s see how this looks on you.”

“He, that’s my block. I need that to complete the house.”

“It’s mine now stupid. Your house does look bad anyway.”

“Miss, Evan is taking my blocks.”

“Now, now Frankie. You should share with others.”

“That’s the important thing God wants us to do children. We should all love each other and be nice to each other. That’s a very important lesson to learn.”

Young Frankie looked thoughtful.

Oh, I guess that’s why Jerry and his friends are so mean. They are not so smart so I guess they haven’t learned that yet.

“Can I join you ? I want to play football too.”

“No way, Frank. You’re a worthless player. Go bother someone else.”

“Psst, Frank. What’s the answer for question 6 ?”

“Frank?”

“He idiot, why did you not answer me this morning ?”

“You should learn your own lessons Tom, instead of expecting others to do it for you.”

“Yeah ? Well, learn this then.”

“Frankie, have you been fighting again ? You know I don’t want that. I’ll let your father deal with it tonight and I’ll make sure you know better next time.”

“But mom…”

“No excuses. And go to your room now.”

“Hi Beth. What are you playing ? Can I join ?”

“Uh, I don’t know Frank. What do you think, Cathy ?”

“No way. This is only us girls. Go play with the other boys”

“Hi, Steven”

“Hi, Frank. Why are you sitting here alone ? You look a bit down.”

“I guess I am a bit down, Steven. It happens at times.”

“Anything I can do to make you feel better ?”

“Well, you’re my best friend. I guess I could tell you. But you need to promise me to keep this secret.”

“Oh, no problem. I can keep secrets. So what’s it ? Did you found a girl and your parents don’t approve?”

“Eh, I guess in a way you could say that. But not like you meant it.”

“Oh ? So tell me already.”

“Well, you know. I guess the first thing you think about when you see a really pretty girl is that you want to be with her, right ?”

“I guess so, yes”

“Well, it’s a bit different for me. The first thing I think about is that I want to BE her.”

“Uhhh. Are you telling me you’re gay ?”

“What ? No, that’s not it at all. What I mean is that I want to be a girl instead of a boy.”

“That’s weird. Uh, look, I have to go now. See you later, right.”

“Ok, see you later.”

Gay ? Why did he think I was gay ? Maybe I am. I like girls and I feel I am a girl. So what does that make me ? A lesbian boy ? That’s too weird. I don’t think I should mention this to Steven again. He looked rather uncomfortable about it.

One day Frank found an article in a magazine about a transsexual: a former man who was now a woman. The article wasn’t very famous or exceptional except for Frank: he was delighted that he was not the only person on the planet feeling he was born with the wrong body. The idea that it was possible for doctors to make him a girl was even better. He started looking for more information.

In the years that followed, Frank found a lot of information, but most of it disturbed him more then he expected. After the first article, he started thinking about other transsexuals as people like him. As he learned more and more about them, he discovered that most of them were very much unlike him. A lot seemed to feel attracted to males. The thought made Frank rather uncomfortable: that was not something he could imagine himself feeling ever.

He also was confronted with men in dresses with ridiculous amounts of makeup on their face and an attitude that made him think of a drunk at four in the morning. Those really made him uncomfortable because he certainly didn’t want anyone thinking about him like that. All he wanted was to be a real girl not something that looked like a perversion of it.

He found out some details about what doctors could do and he was very underwhelmed by what he learned. It seemed like a lot of pain for not so very much gain. After reading about the legal nightmare that went hand in hand with the medical and social one, he decided that the entire concept was more an expensive form of suicide then a solution to his dreams. In the end it seemed a lot cheaper and safer to continue his current suffering then to risk the adventure.

During all these deliberations, Frank took the first major blow of his life: the loss of his brother Ben, older than him by five years.

Ben was not blind for all the things going wrong in the world, but he strongly believed that he could help fix them. At age 18, he left home to discover the world and when he came back with wisdom gathered abroad he settled on his own and started his plan to improve the world. Frank admired his energy, but his own dealings with others made him doubt the possibility of success of his brother’s actions. Two years after Bens return, Frank saw his brother becoming more and more disillusioned. Six months after that, Ben was found dead in his small apartment: he couldn’t deal with a world that so successfully resisted improvement any longer and took his own way out. It was the first time in his life a bitter Frank spoke his famous words.

“Proof that God doesn’t really exist”

Now halfway home from his worst day at the office ever, Frank’s mood was as dark as the sky. The day that began as a sunny spring day, now turned into darker and darker weather as the clouds gathered. In the distance thunder was rolling. Suddenly the Toyota was starting to have a lot of trouble keeping a straight line. Alarmed Frank reduced speed and went to the side of the road at the first possible opportunity. When checking his car, he discovered the front left tyre was flat, no doubt due to some damage from the hit that morning.

“I don’t believe this!”

Fuming, he gathered his tools and started to change the tyre. He hardly started his work when from the black sky a massive amount of rain started coming down. The entire world was black and wet, occasionally briefly broken by lightning and followed by a tremendous loud thunderclap. Frank felt thoroughly miserable and had only one thing to say about his situation.

“More proof that God doesn’t really exist”

Suddenly the black world lighted up and thunder, a hundred times louder then before, shook him to his core. Then everything disappeared and all that was left of the world was a big universe of white…