Images 24

Chapter 24

Morning came for once in what felt like in a long time. Oh God you know, other than when I was on my own curled up in depression. I’ve never done this before. I’ve never slept in before. James was always in training or going someplace and after that. I wasn’t really allowed to when I was in the group home and getting off from the strip-club where I waitressed at 4 in the morning and sleeping in didn’t count.

But waking up in my own bed and warm from Taylor’s body heat and the sunshine coming in through our windows. I looked around, took it all in, smiled this big grateful smile then rolled over and enjoyed the press of my breasts into the bed and pulled my pillow under my chin with one arms and draped the other Taylor’s side.

And I drift off to sleep again deliriously happy.

So different after last evenings EMO moments, so changed by Taylor’s wanting to learn about me. Not Just the surface stuff but all of it. I fell in love with him in another completely new way.

It had even changed our lovemaking after that. Tay and I necked for awhile and then with me still on top and made love. It was so different because he was so much more focused of me. I mean not that he isn’t when we make love but…he made this incredible effort to make me feel like a girl, a woman. Having sex is one thing, and it’s a good thing. I mean mechanics aside, I really like sex, and I like sex being the woman. But having him inside me so deeply and filling me with his hardness and his heat and then sitting up and cupping my breasts, touching me just right, teasing just right and soulful and soothing all rolled into one. Then Taylor looking at me with they open look of wonder and love all over his face says/asks. “How did I get to be married to the most beautiful wife in the world?”

It was some of the most beautiful love making we’ve ever had. And even after he scooped me up into his arms and we took a long bath together. I love doing that. It’s one of my fantasy things, one of those romantic things and I love the intimacy of washing and being washed by your partner. Taylor held me facing him and he paid attention to my breasts so much and for so long doing so many different things making me pant, whimper, moan and cry out with my fingers through his wet hair and pulling him hard to my breasts as I “got there.” just by my husband doing amazing things to my breasts.

Even half asleep I feel my nipples harden and crinkle in memory of that. That’s so femme affirming it sinks soul deep. No man can feel that, it so perfect. I nuzzle into the pillow and squirm in that good way in the sheets like a cat blissed out in the laundry basket.

Taylor rolls over and nuzzles into my neck and kisses my neck, my ear and even worries my collar bone sucking on it, nibbling even. He kisses my shoulder and whispers “Stay here.”

I sort of mumble nod as he slips out of bed and pads out. I roll over all the way until I’m face down again but in his warm spot. I clutch his pillow and squeeze it pulling it to me and inhale his scent, reveling in it and the way it sort of hangs there with his body heat. I open one eye just enough to watch his gorgeous butt as he left out bedroom.

More smiles and I bury my face back into his pillow and breathe deeply.

It’s a nice way to start your Saturday. I was still in that state when Tay comes in with a double set of trays and sets out things for breakfast in bed. Or rather the way we like it on the floor. I slip out of bed and use the bathroom and brush my teeth, take my hormones and fix my hair the just slide into one of his t-shirts and a sexy yet comfy pair of panties and join him out on our bedroom floor. He’s got it covered in a couple of quilts and a sleeping bag and the Saturday paper is there waiting to be read and there’s some of those small oranges and this compote of diced up bananas with melted butter and brown sugar and hints of cinnamon and allspice and nutmeg to go with a couple of jams and Mmm…hot fresh baked croissants he’s pouring coffee for us into a French press as I slide into the room and turn on our favorite Pandora channel on the computer then sit down and lean in and kiss him for awhile.

That’s it for the most part of the morning, we sit and cuddle and feed each other bits of hot croissants and drink coffee and read the Saturday morning paper while listening to our favorite tunes and just…Breathe.

Dad and Gram and Gramps show up in the afternoon around two and I actually decide to climb into some clothes and I and Gram hang out doing the laundry, and putting away the different boxes of stuff from my wedding. My dress goes into a special hope chest with some other odds and ends. She got the bed sheets from Taylor and mine's wedding night along with the bottle from the champagne that we had and even our glasses. The funny thing is she stole them from the place. But these are sacred little things for me really so it’s alright.

We do the wash up and it’s nice so some of it goes up to the roof to dry. We book some of the flowers from my wedding to dry and go over the pictures in the office and are scrap booking while I’m running the family book she gave me with all of those recipes in it and I touch them up on the computer and add some of my own to them. Grams get really interested in what I’m doing and we spend a good deal of time playing with the fonts and adding in borders and centering some of the letters and stuff. I put the end copy onto disc and a couple of flash drives. And Grams and I head off to a Kinko’s to get these things printed out and bound together with a soft cover to them. I’m keeping one, there’s one for Hunter and her mom because we’re both pretty sure that it might be looking more and more like dad’s going to be getting married. Lastly there’s one for Grams too. I give her a disc and one of the flash drives so that we have a copy of this in several places. She’s more than happy that we did this and that it’s something that’s going to be there as something solid for the girls in our family.

To make it even more of a cool day, Grams drives me around but between places we stop and she starts to give me driving lessons. By the time we get home I have another idea. I get some of my wedding cake and some of the lobster leftovers and a big box of baked goods from the diner and I take Grams over to Nona’s.

The asshat of a super for the building doesn’t even recognize me as we go into the building and I head up with Grams to Nona’s apartment on the third floor of my old building. I take a breath and knock on the door.

“Que? Who ees eet?”

“Nona, its Jenna you remember me?”

“Yes, yes, I’s remember jus geeve me a meenute ‘K.”

I hear her shuffling around inside and there’s that little bit of singing that she always does even when she’s all by herself or even just walking down the street. You just gotta love somebody that sings all the time. I’ve never understood a word of it, I think it’s Ukrainian or something; she has that kind of eastern European accent to her words. Grams is smiling. “She sounds nice.”

“She’s really great Grams, Nona’s one of the people that when things in my life were the worst she kept me going.”

The door opened to her apartment and Nona half peers and half beams at me before she gives me a big hug.

“Jeni, you louk so goud you getting some meat on you, I tell you you finds you a nice boy weet some meat on your bones, boys like dees too tin preeetey ones but a man, a real man they’s likes a woman with meet on her bones. You louk so goud! Come een, come een. Who ees your friend?”

“Nona, this is my grandmother, my father’s mother. I’ve told her about you and we just had to come and visit you.”

Grams smiles and extends her hand and gets a hug in return. “Eees goud, ees goud. I’s tells Jeni that the bestest rule in life ees that family ees everything.”

Grams nods as she hugs Nona back. “I couldn’t agree more.”

Nona let’s her go and beckons us inside shuffling along with her cane saying “Come, Come we haves tea and have the nice visit.” I stifle a giggle as she suddenly reminds me of a little bent over TG Yoda from Empire Strikes Back.

We sit with her in her filled to the brim with knick knacks and brick a brac apartment and Nona serves us up some tea in this beautiful old china set and serves us bagels and cream cheese with a bunch of other fixings. We talk about my wedding, show her the pictures and we see pictures of her wedding. Nona was a lithe little raven haired beauty back then, a Ukrainian girl she came to Canada just after the end of WW2.

It’s really something to see her come to life with our visit. And we stay for a few hours actually even going over the family cookbook a little and she left and comes back with a bunch of books that have really seen better days. “Here ya, dees ares the bouks from my family, these haves all the family recipes eens them. Could you do Nona up some bouks like you haves made? I cood sends them to my children and grandchilds and they’re childrens ya.”

I hug her and take them. “I’d love to Nona, you’ve done so much for me it’d be an honor.”

“Gouds, gouds, you take and make copy for yourself so you kin make goud foods for your restaurant, you can’t get goud Ukraine foud here in the city no more.”

“Thank you so much Nona, I’ll do that. I think I’ll love cooking your food.”

We hug and we kiss and she walks us down to the front doors of the building and I give her my phone number and my cell phone number and Taylor’s too and Grams does too. I promise to try to not be a stranger as much as before.

Grams and I go for a coffee and to pick up some Chinese food for supper as take out and she lets me drive there and back. I’m getting better and I did this with my step-bastard back when I was James it’s just everything hit and happened when I was still fifteen and I never had the chance to get my license.

We get a bunch of stuff and Grams is on the phone to home and Holly and Nin are coming over to do their washes and Tim and the kids and Davey, plus Dad’s having Angie and Hunter over so we decide on getting a lot of food. I order the egg rolls and wontons raw and uncooked because they’re better right out of the deep fryer so I’ll cook them up at the diner. Honey garlic, dry garlic, orange ginger ribs and wings, four different fried rice’s and five different orders of chow mien, and pepper steak. I love chow mien, even if it’s just the veggies I’ll eat it cold right out of the take out box. I get a lot of fortune cookies and a bunch of other stuff and we’re greeted by the mob of family and friends…no just family and extended family as we come in arms full of bags and good smells. I’ve got Molly hanging onto my waist hugging me as I pass bags around and I look around with a great big I love this sigh.

As soon as my arms and torso are free Taylor pulls me into his arms and kisses me passionately. There’s just something so good about being wanted like that, to feel your guys strong hands gripping you just hard enough to let you feel that he really wants you, misses you and yet he loves you so it’s all gentle and loving at the same time. I love the way he kisses me and the strength that’s there and sultriness that most people assume is just a female thing but god Taylor has it in spades.

Sweet, caring and loving guy he is but there’s also this guy who’s been through so much tragedy with his parents, then getting sick and getting to the point where he felt like nothing mattered and he ran wild, did things, got locked up for it, lost the last of his family and somehow kept it together.

Oh, f-me I have a thing for a bad boy. Just how teenaged girl is that.

But then there’s the fact that he’s kissing me with those guy strong lips you know edged with that hint on beard and moustache they get about a day before they start to get that really heavy scruff on. The hints of his soap and his own natural scent. I’m so not sure where or how pheromones work or take a place in the TG brain but they seem to tell my brain at least….uhm, yay! I’m a girl!....Mmm, pretty boy smell nice.

Yeah, kissing Taylor is nice really nice. My husband, mine all mine.

We all get together and troop up actually to our apartment with all of the family in tow and Taylor fries up the egg rolls and wontons and stuff and we set up everything just to hang out and eat in our living room. Angie and Dad put in some DVD’s and we sit down to watch movies together as a family talking and eating and laughing and having fun.

There’s this really great time when the guys are doing the dishes and plating chess in the kitchen and talking where Grams and Me, Nin and Angie and Hunter and Holly and Molly are all curled up together on the couch in blankets all girl snuggly as we watched these Barbie animated movies and just girled out and then we watched Ella Enchanted after that. It was a really cool girl bonding moment. It gives me this lift of being a real girl and the fact that this is my family. I look at Hunter and she looks at me and despite the differences in our ages I think we’re feeling much of the same thing. She wipes at a few happy tears and I pull her into a hug.

I’m so throwing a girls slumber party every once in awhile I think.

It’s actually about nine by the time that we see everyone to their cars and said our goodnights and give out our hugs and close the place up. Taylor scoops me up into his arms and carries me upstairs. I laugh because this, this is fun for me. He kisses me and says. “How about you give me some time and let me run you a bubble bath while you find something super sexy to put on.”

He says in so close so sexy and softly in my ear but almost against my neck just him doing that gets my nipples hardening. I stare at him in his eyes and he really wants this. I kiss him and smile and I slip out of his arms to go and find myself some of my prettier lingerie. I’ve got a nice little collection started from shopping at my bachelorette party and with my short sassy hair I go for that classic black French lace. I take my make up and everything with me.

Oh…by the time I’m in the bathroom Taylor has the bubble bath run and some scented candles lit and beside the tub is out folding TV tray but there’s a nice towel covering it up and a martini shaker there and a chocolate martini along with a selection of single serving dark chocolates like Dove, and Lindt and some of those other expensive ones you see in the drugstores not too far from the aisles where you find the make-up selections and the feminine hygiene stuff. Hey good chocolate is a must for so many women myself included.

He’s gone all out and he’s even got some of my favorite women singers playing from the I-pod on its little stand. Diana Krall, Chantal Kreviazuk, Jan Arden, Mellissa Etheridge, Bonnie Raite, Sarah McLachlan…a few others.

I enjoy the drink, and I go all out myself even as I soak in the bubble bath and sip at my drink. It’s pretty good but I’m not a big drinker when it comes to this kind of thing. The two glasses that’s there is more that enough for me. I really enjoy the chocolates though, I really liked the two that were dark chocolate with the caramel drizzle on top but they had the flakey crystals of sea salt on top of them…Wow. It just does something for me in my brain. It might be just psychosomatic but I don’t care….it’s sooo good.

After a long soak I hit the scrubbing and use body wash and shower poof and such to get rid of anything that might be dead skin. I shave in the places I need to and touch up other spots with Nair. I drain and refill the tub and then use some of the body mud and facial stuff and just let in kind of sink in and saturate where it needs to as I give myself a mani and a pedi. Another soak washes it all away and I rub myself down with my Nivea and then a bit of baby oil before a few last touches of powder, I tease my hair to this kind of rocker short haired look sort of like the one that singer Pink sports and do my make up going a little heavy on the eye shadow and mascara and a little red French coquette in my lipstick, I make my nails and toenails to match, I put of a bit of nice perfume it’s actually scent cue Amber by Avon and it’s a nice scent. I’m dressed in a black lace corset top that pushes my girls up just nicely and boy cut panties in black lace and those black stocking with the stay up elastic tops concealed in the band of lace. Matching sandal styled open toe black three inch heels.

“Tay…?”

“Yeah Jen?”

“I’m ready.”

“So am I.”

I notice it’s darkened out in the apartment and I reach over and turn off the bathroom light before I try my best to glide out of the bathroom. My eyes can’t help but go wide at the sight of the place.

I don’t know where he got all the candles but all over the apartment are white candles and a few red ones of every shape and size and there’s just a few of them that are scented in a mixture of smells and scents that fill the air with hints of roses and lily and vanilla, none of it cloying or overpowering with a couple of our windows open just enough for ventilation but and to let out some of the heat. There’s a lot of candles, dozens and dozens of them.

Taylor’s there just in these black satin boxers and his black silk tie from his tuxedo and looks freshly shaved and showered his hair’s just damp enough that it’s doing that amazing curly wavy dreamy thing and he’s smiling at me with a single long stemmed rose in his hand.

Then the music starts and it raises gooseflesh over my body in a good way as I hear the opening score of the Flamingos as they start to sing “I’ve only got eyes for you.” I start to melt as soon as that music touches my heart and my heart jumps in time with that little doowop thing at the start of the song. He walks over and gives me the rose and takes my hands and starts to dance with me.

“My love must be a kind of blind love.”

“I can’t see anyone but you.”

“Are the stars out tonight?”

“I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright.”

“I only have eyes for you, dear.”

“The moon may be high.”

“But I can’t see a thing in the sky.”

“I only have eyes for you.”

“I don’t know if we’re in a garden.”

“Or on a crowded avenue.”

“You are here, and so am I.”

“Maybe millions of people go by.”

“But they all disappear from view.”

“And I’ve only got eyes for you.”

My god there are times when Taylor just seems like he’s got this old romantic soul that you’d only really read about in those romance novels and stuff. It’s just so intensely old school. There are times where I think that he’s got to be the most romantic guy in the world.

Everything is just perfect with that song and his arms around me and the really sexy, adored, safe, wanted and treasured feelings all swirling around inside of me and around me as we dance and gently touch each other and kiss, lots and lots of these kisses. Soft and sweet, he lingers just so…with each one like he’s committing each and every one of them to his memory. Everyone wants to be kissed like that.

And each one of those kisses proves that my faith is something so real. It’s so easy to find your center, to find your belief when kisses can be miracles.

I’m not really sure how long we’re dancing but we dance through some of the best songs in my relationship with him. Each one of these songs has so much meaning to me and I think for us really.

“Open arms.” By Journey.
“That’s how strong my love is.” By Otis Redding.
“You’re in my heart.” By Phil Collins yes I know it’s a Disney song but I love it.
“I’ll be there for you.” By Bon Jovi
“Better than Chocolate/Long way down.” By Sarah McLaughlin.
“Angel eyes.” By Jeff Healey
“Kiss from a rose.” By Seal

We finish dancing to that song and retire to our bed where he and I make really long and slow and passionate love for actually hours. I’m sure with the way he’s able to keep going that he’s had some little blue help and this time there’s lots of lubricant and lots of foreplay before and during …especially during.

There’s this point right in the middle of it all where Taylor just buries himself inside of me and he just starts doing other things. There is a point where it’s sublime sensual overload for me. I will always love my lingerie. Why? Because Taylor makes it work I mean I love it because of the way that it makes me feel all sexy and really feminine but Taylor uses it, he feels it, feels me through it and uses it just like the best props. I shivered as his hands traveled my stocking cover thighs, palms the sometimes the ever so slight drag of his fingernails over the sheer smoothness.

Or the way that he’d just slip his thumbs under the lacey elastic and caress what’s underneath of it and more, the way that he’d ask me to run my legs over his back when they were wrapped around him or the almost purr that he’d make as I ran them over his ribs, slip them over his shoulders when we changed positions.

The same for the satin and lace panties I was wearing. His hands would glide and slide over their surface, sometimes his fingertips would play in the intricacies of the lace. The way that his hands and fingers would tease under the taut places with illicit promises and the fact that he used the tautness of them and them holding in my uhm y’know so it was so like a real mound. But there was this whole point of him rocking ever so inside me them pulled aside from behind and there was this incredible sensation building as he rubbed me there, I wasn’t hard but there was this feeling that I could only imagine as what…what…what…a real, what a GG must feel as she’s get rubbed right.

It just kept building, and building his hand, rubbing the lace, the satin, just the fact that they were panties and the sliding and the sensations like the rubbing was a mantra if only a silent one…rub, rub, rub, rub, rub…and my mind kept saying girl, girl, girl, girl…Girl!

And I creamed, blasted off and in and…Climaxed, full on GG like climax really hard.

And my corset top, was this game of touching me through it. He’d tease my nipples, my breasts and suckle on them and he’d put things back, gnaw and suck and tease me through the cups and took far, far too long to take me out of it. But it was tantalizingly good torture the entire time.

And as he’s not really making love to me but he was. He was doing lots and lots of those male kagel things and he’d roll his hips and move in and out an inch or two during that whole time lighting me up all electric and crying out as he took me to new places and feelings and stuff.

But after that, after my blood was boiling with need and this deep desire for him I went into this passionate needy place, that had me on my back, my legs wrapped around him tightly and so lost in the tides of the feelings and orgasm after orgasm and ones unlike I’ve ever felt before washing through me. I pant and I beg and I demand more, I demand/pleas for deeper, harder, faster…Every time he fills my with his cream it gets messier but easier and more slick and more delicious.

When he’s done and I’m done we spoon and I’m lying on my side. I’m pulling his arms around me as I really, really need him, need to be held because I’m shaking so hard that I think I’m going to fly apart. My breathing at first so near me hyperventilating. I’m so, so…charged that even three or four minutes later of this Taylor’s leg slides up my stocking one and one of his hands squeezes a breast and a nipple and I have the last almost no volume, almost painful and unexpected little orgasm. Just from that touch, the way that he touched me.

It’s never, never been this intense. I’m just panting and breathing and I’m trying to think but there’s these little mental sparks not really but it’s one of those things where I’m so full of adrenaline and endorphins and my hormones are just racing all together with this really potent combination and I’m flushes from it and riding a high, but not a high but real GG female full on afterglow. It’s minutes…half an hour of just lying there tears running down my face before I can speak.

“Taylor…thank you…that was, this was just so incredible.” I’m sniffling.

He leans over me and looks at me and he reaches out then he wipes some of those tears away and there’s tender concern there. “Are you?”

“I’m fine baby, I’m more than fine I’m just so caught up in everything Tay. This was amazing, beyond that even, perfect…it was just perfect.”

“Even…?” I know what he’s asking.

“Yes, Even. This was perfect.” I sit up and kiss him slowly and deeply. He settles back down beside/behind me and wraps me up into his arms and slowly kisses the nape of my neck and the side of my neck and settles into me.

“I wanted to do this tonight honey, I don’t know what’s going to happen Jen, I wanted this honeymoon moment for us at least before whatever the treatments are going to end up doing to me.”

“Thank you Tay, this, this has been something that you’ve given me that I could never have dreamed of for myself. You do that so much for me all the time. I swear that I’m dreaming all of this sometimes.”

“No Jenna, If anyone’s got to be dreaming honey it’s me. You’ve given me more than anyone has ever given me in my whole life. You gave me hope, you gave me love, you gave me the will to live…I’m so scared of all of this stuff Jen and when I’m just on the edge of freaking out you’re there and I look at you and I just know that it’s going to be alright.”

“Of course I’m going to be here, I love you. I know what love is because of you. I’m not going to leave Tay, I’ll never leave you.”

“Promise?”

“I Promise.”

He tightens his arms around me and I push back into him and he nuzzles my body and murmurs. “Lets get some sleep honey, I don’t want to be late for church.”

My eyes flicker open and I turn my head to look at him. “Church!?”

“Yes church, I looked up a few places and found a few friendly places for us to try and go to.”

“Really? But you’re not y’know good with faith. I mean I don’t want to say I don’t want to go but are you sure?”

“I’m sure, if you can find something in all of that and still believe in something after everything that you’ve been through then I can at least give it a chance. Besides it’s something that’s special to you and y’know you’re my wife, it’s like the other stuff it’s something I want to know about learn about.”
“You really are wonderful y’know.”

“Well just in case it doesn’t take honey then maybe you can put in a good word for me then.”

“Definitely.”

I fall into this beautiful sleep. It’s probably the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

***
Taylor say’s that the service starts at Mills Woods United Church at ten o’clock and I’m all nervous and sore, really sore but in a good way. I woke up at eight thirty and showered got cleaned up and took my hormones, vitamins and actually manage a bit of toast and a cup of tea before I get my personal bible and get dressed, okay I get dressed three times before settling on a nice mostly white but floral decorated dress and a set of cream colored hose and a nice jacket.

I’m nervous as we go there and Taylor’s looking good in a nice pair of jeans and a dress jacket with a button down shirt and even a tie.

The thing is going here we’re not alone, Dad and Angie and Hunter are going too and Gramps and Grams are coming with us and once we get there Taylor holds my hand as we go in and we’re greeted at the door with a friendly welcome and find ourselves some seats in this very nice church building. The seating is chairs and we sit and listen to the service.

Now I like it, There’s a touch of Old Testament and mostly things from New Testament and several readings from Psalms which is my favorite part of the bible. The sermon of the day is talking about hope and how we can help ourselves and others by being the message. I liked the message that they gave that the true bulk of Jesus’s message was as much the way he lived as what he said and that’s something we’re all able to do. It wasn’t too preachy and there’s even a wonderful choir of mixed volunteers. Gramps and Grams are having a good time and I’m having a good time and I can feel it y’know. Not this profound miracle or anything but this warmed from within feeling that kind of says Welcome back.

Taylor’s quiet, he holds my hand a lot and he shifts a bit now and then. He listens, he takes it all in but I can tell this really isn’t hitting home for him. Y’know that’s alright. We get out a bit before diner time and we spend a few minutes talking to the staff and the reverend and a few of the other people there that come up to us. There is a real mixture of people here, even a few openly together same sex partners. There are a few things that get his attention and that’s mostly the charity stuff they do and he takes a few of the brochures they have there. I can’t help but smile at him doing that and even doing this whole morning for me.

We leave and head back home to a family Sunday dinner that Holly and Njinda got started and we have turkey and all the fixings and we get together and talk and the kids play together and it’s just a good day. It’s a really good day, it’s a good afternoon.

It’s kind of quiet though that evening as we pack up a few things to go to the university hospital. As things keep going I can feel Taylor’s dread and his nerves building up and I hold his hand as dad drives us there and we get him signed in. Taylor smiles at me a really shaky smile and we kiss a lot as we settle in. There’s no one telling me that I shouldn’t be here or that I should go home and get a good nights sleep.

I settle in for the night with a visitors cot in Taylor’s room and I brought my laptop and we try to watch a few movies to distract him from everything, from being here. I don’t even sleep in the cot they gave me to use. I find room in his bed and curl up next to my guy. We fall asleep together. Tay holds me a little tighter than before, I’m good with that.

I’m going to get him through this no matter what.

I hold him tightly too as he falls asleep in my arms. “I’ll get you through this Taylor, I’ll get you through this.” and I just barely sing to him.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”