Erika buried her head deeper into the pillow trying to drown out the sounds of the hospital.

“Good afternoon sweetie.”

Erika’s eyes snapped open to the bright glare of the room and the vague image of a pregnant Samantha sitting in the chair next to her.

“Good news.” Samantha smiled. “Your restraints have been removed. The doctor said that your hormones are well within safe limits. How are you feeling? Do you remember the past five years?”

Erika shook her head. She was sure that if she was a girl that tears would be pouring out of her eyes, but as this big. . . football player, jock, tears were one of the last things she could expect.

What was happening? One moment he was Erika waking up after a surgery surrounded by her loved ones, the next she was Eric, waking up five years later with no memory of what had transpired since the first surgery. Eric swallowed hard and refocused his thought process. He was Eric, He was a football player married to Samantha who was pregnant with his daughter, Summer.

I must be going insane

“I brought you something.” Samantha gingerly touched his strong, masculine hand.

“A beer?” Eric was shocked not only at the deepness of his voice but that he would want a beer.

Samantha laughed. “No, although I’ll try and get you one a little later.”

Eric sat up in bed, making himself a little more comfortable as Samantha eased out of her chair and hoisted her pregnant body up. She bent over and picked up a large book and laid it in Eric’s lap.

“Our wedding album.” She bit her bottom lip with uncertainty.

Eric swallowed another lump and looked down at the white book. Opening this and looking through the pictures was equivalent to going down the rabbit’s hole. He looked up at the expectant and uncertain Samantha, who was now his wife and smiled to reassure her.

Eric’s stomach rumbled. “I guess I’m a bit hungry.”

“I’ll go get you something to eat while you get started.” Samantha rubbed a hand over her pronounced belly as she made her way out of the room.

Eric looked at the cover of the wedding album for a long moment before taking a deep breath and opening it.

The first page contained the wedding announcement and a picture of Samantha in her high school cheer outfit with her arm wrapped around a large good looking football player. On closer look, Eric let out a surprised breath. That was him. That was how he looked in his high school football gear.

Eric turned the page to see the wedding couple standing in front of the church, both with large happy smiles. He was in a black tux with accents of royal blue in the tie and vest. That color of blue always set his eyes afire. Samantha was an absolute spectacle of beauty. Her form fitted strapless dress must have cost thousands. A long, narrow understated train puddled around her feet. Her gorgeous blonde curls tumbled down over one shoulder drawing attention to her flawless glowing skin.

Eric was amazed at how much of each of his parents he could see in his own face; His father’s strong jaw line, his mother’s beautiful eyes. He looked to be around the height of his father, but with wider shoulders and a casual way of standing that anyone could take as a person comfortable with who he was.

He flipped the page to see Julian and Stan standing to either side of him. Each held a large frosted glass of beer and smiling big for the camera.

“Julian said that you had one of your wildest nights ever.” Samantha said from next to him. “Here’s a sandwich until your tray of torture food comes.”

Eric unwrapped the sandwich and eagerly stuffed two bites in his mouth. Dried out turkey with a touch of mayo on slightly stale bread, it was horrible but it was food.

“This is terrible, I don’t remember anything.” Eric shook his head.

“You three, from the reports I received a few days later, went on a three day drinking bender. You and Stan gambled and won. The three of you drank pool side, went clubbing, drank some more, You and Stan gambled some more, won some more. Went on roller coasters, threw up. Drank some more then there was something about fighting pirates and getting arrested.” Samantha chuckled.

“Arrested?”

“Julian had to call one of his Seminary friends to pull some strings to get you out.”

Eric turned the page. “There aren’t any more photos?”

“Just the one, unless you track down the tourists who took pictures of your raid on the pirates.”

“We went to Vegas, I take it.”

Samantha nodded with a smile.

The next four pages were dedicated to the wedding shower and bachelorette party. Eric recognized a couple of the girls from cheer, as well as Samantha’s mother. The rest didn’t ring a bell.

A full page was of Samantha in her various stages of getting ready.

“Sasha did your hair?” Eric was surprised to see their hairdresser.

“Of course. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with it.” Samantha stated. “If you look close, you can see that he put a lock of blue in with the curls. It only shows up in a couple of the photos, but I think it was fun.”

The next page was of himself getting dressed along with his groomsmen and best friends.

Samantha giggled. “Julian warned that this was the last tux he’d wear to a wedding ever again.”

“They are uncomfortable.” Eric agreed.

“That isn’t what he meant.” Samantha smiled to herself. Her eyes sparkled. “Eric, Julian is in Seminary school. He’s becoming a priest.”

“What? Julian?” Eric couldn’t believe his ears.

Samantha nodded. “All of the rest of the weddings he will be going to, he will be most likely be doing the service, wearing priest robes.”

“I wish my mother and father could have been there.” He stated absently.

“They were watching over us.” Samantha squeezed his shoulder. “I felt their love.”

A nurse assistant brought a tray in. “I hear some one was on the verge of eating the pillows in here.” She smiled as she set the tray down.

“Thank you.” Eric took the cover off the meal and tucked into the mashed potatoes and gravy before clearing the vegetables and meat loaf.

“I think I need another.” He apologized to Samantha.

His blonde wife smiled. “Dinner is only an hour or so away. I’m sure you can wait.” She cleared the tray and gave him the album back.

He shook his head. “Julian a priest.” He looked through several pages of poses of himself and Samantha as well as those of the bridal party.

“Jordon and Taylor were your brides maids?”

Samantha nodded, and “Krystal was my maid of honor.”

“Krystal? Where?” Eric began searching through the photos again. “Oh my God, that is Krystal?” he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Yes. She, with the help of Jorge, lost all of her weight. She has been a size eight since just before we graduated.”

“Krystal?” Eric was aghast. “That is Krystal from Camp Kumoni.?”

Samantha nodded.

“Wow.” Eric looked from the picture to Samantha, then back to the picture. “What is she doing now?”

“She is getting her degree in nutrition and she works at the local gym helping others to do the same thing.”

“That is awesome. What about the others from camp?”

“Lets see.” Samantha eased back in her chair, happy to see her husband interested in their friends’ lives. “Victoria moved to New York. She is going to school there to become a journalist.”

“No surprise.”

“Heather won a volleyball scholarship to someplace in Ohio. Dani and her boyfriend Derek ended up getting married right out of high school. They are expecting their third child in a few months.”

“What about Tricia?” Eric was a little hesitant, he didn’t know if he was bringing up bad feelings between the two or not.

“The last you told me, she was in Florida working at a club or something while working on her psychology degree. You keep in touch with these people better than I ever did. You said she was going to try and help more people like her sister.”

“Rachael?” Eric asked.

Samantha was quiet for a moment, “She joined the Marines and went to Iraq. She was killed last year in an enemy fire fight.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“No. It is alright. I need to learn these things, since I have no memory of them.” He looked down at the album in his lap. “And that is Krystal. It just blows my mind.”

Eric began scanning through the pictures again. “I don’t have any family at the wedding?”

“No.” Samantha sighed. “Your dad’s family didn’t want anything to do with you.”

“What about Aunt Carrie?” Eric asked.

“She passed from a heart attack a year after your first surgery.”

“She did?” Eric felt his chest tighten. This whole not being able to cry thing was a bitch.

“Your mother’s mom passed after your mom did.”

“So I have no family.” Eric looked up at Samantha. “Except for you and Summer.” He amended.

“You always say that it leaves you room to create your own.” She smiled.

“That sounds like something Aunt Carrie would say.”

“I believe it was.”

“Wait, did everyone at the wedding know that I was once Erika?”

“The wedding party knew as well as my parents.” Samantha nodded.

“Julian? Stan, Taylor?”

“Yes.”

“How did that go over with Julian? I mean, he’s now my best friend, right?” Eric was shocked and a little embarrassed. “He was my date to the homecoming dance.”

“It was a bit rough for you when you began your transition back to Eric.” Samantha acknowledged. “When Julian found out he was mostly embarrassed, then angry. But you have a way with people, Eric. Its hard for any of us to be mad at your for long. Stan likes to tease you both. It was quite hilarious at the wedding.”

“What was?”

“Julian had to give a toast.” Samantha giggled. “It was full of hidden jokes that only the wedding party were privy to.” Her giggling turned to full laughter, “Julian talked about having a man-crush on you when you two first met.” She wiped tears of laughter from her chubby pregnant cheeks, “Of course Krystal’s weren’t much better.”

“Oh my God.” Eric chuckled. “Why would we ever let them do the toast?”

“They were perfect.” Samantha defended. “We just turned beet red and laughed with them. We can watch the wedding video when we get home.”

Eric flipped through the rest of the pictures. Their first dance, them feeding one another cake. Various snap shots of wedding guests and friends drinking and having a good time. His chest tightened again as he thought about the absence of his parents. He closed the book and lay back in the pillow.

Samantha held his hand, her thumb lightly caressing the hair just above his wrist. “Did that help? Do you remember anything?”

Eric blew out a deep breath. “No. I’m sorry.” He apologized as he saw tears falling down Samantha’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Samantha.”

“It’s all right.” She squeezed his hand. “The psychologist said it might take a few days or even weeks.”

“You spoke to a psychologist?”

“He stopped by while you were sleeping.” She wiped tears from her eyes. “he said that you may have flashbacks or everything might all hit you at one time. Eric?”

“Yes love.” Eric tried to reassure. He didn’t know where the ‘love’ came from, but felt he should call her that.

“He said that when the memories come back that you may have to go through a lot of the emotions all over again.”

“So? I’m sure I’ll be just fine.”

“Sweetie, you had some very rough times and your memories will not be pleasant. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take them for you.” She started blubbering again.

“Everyone has rough times in their lives.” Eric stated. “I’m already starting to grieve for my parents again. I still can’t believe they’re dead.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“What happened with their house and cars and stuff?” Eric inquired.

“Well, We live in the house.” Samantha explained. “Your father was a shrewd business man and made some very sound investments. The house was practically paid off when they passed, so it wasn’t too hard to keep even in this economy.”

“What economy? What does the economy have to do with the house?”

“Oh, yeah, you don’t know.” Samantha paused. “A couple of years ago the nation fell into a recession, a bad one. House values have dropped like a lead weight. Just about everyone’s house value had dropped by at least half.”

“Half? Are you sure?”

“Some have even dropped by more than that.” Samantha nodded. “Foreclosures and bankruptcies have quadrupled. People are just walking away from their houses cause they either can’t pay the mortgage or it’s just burning the money that they have and they can’t afford it.” She explained. “My parents are currently trying to figure out if they are going to walk away from their house.”

“Its that bad out there?”

“We should probably wait until you are out of here before we talk about this.” Samantha stated.

“I’m just curious.” Eric encouraged.

Samantha went on to inform her husband of the inflated gas prices, the large stores that have down sized or gone out of business as well as the increase in prices for services and food items.

Eric shook his head. “All this has gone on in the last five years? No wonder my father had a heart attack.”

Samantha made a face.

“I’m sorry.” Eric apologized.

“No, it’s Summer. She’s kicking.” Samantha placed a hand over her belly.

“She is?”

Samantha eased up and stood next to Eric’s bed. She gently took his massive hand in hers and lightly placed it against her swollen abdomen. “Eric, meet your daughter, Summer.”

Eric felt a quick nudge against his hand. His eyes got big. “That was her?”

Samantha nodded. “That is your little girl.” She told him. “Your daughter whom you helped to create.”

Tears finally came to Eric’s eyes. Tears of happiness, hope and of loss. He looked up at Samantha. Her soft eyes, full of love and happiness melted his core. She was so beautiful. Everything about her seemed to glow. He felt Summer kick a few more times before he withdrew his hand.

“Will you wake me up when it’s dinner time?” he asked. “I can’t believe how tired I am.”

Samantha nodded.

Eric lay back in his pillow and closed his eyes. Part of him yearned to wake up to Tricia and his parents to be Erika. To be who he felt he should be, another part of him wanted to wake up with his beautiful wife holding his hand and smiling down at him with so much love, understanding and contentment.

He found that he was a little jealous of Samantha’s contentment. Why couldn’t he have that, feel that, be that? Why couldn’t he be the loving wife, growing a new life inside of her? Why couldn’t he be the one to have someone strong to take care of him?

Then there was Summer. His little girl. He could dress her in the cutest little dresses, make sure that she had pony riding lessons, gymnastics and dance classes.

The different parts of his being began to wrestle with one another, each fighting for dominance.

Please, let me remember Let me remember who I was as well as who I am. He begged of himself. Please no more dreams. No more dreams, just reality.

To be continued. . .