The Unplanned Adventures Part N/A - Unwise Conjugation

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Unwise Conjugation
A vignette in the UG series which may or may not have ever happened.

By Paul Calhoun

Dear reader: The events of the next story will show that this short (which was de-canoned even as I thought of it) could not occur before at least two years from the one previous to it. Much like Unexpected Good's epilogue, this is more of a vague possibility than anything else. For reference, the two following images which don't belong to me were the catalyst if not inspiration for this story:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Chiscringle/marisama_ja...
by Marisama
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y89/Chiscringle/Cerberus.jp...
From Sticky-Site, and I don't know who actually drew it.
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Chapter 1:
Cerberus

Jane put her arms around the colossal mass of creamy yellow fur. "This thing is huge," she said unnecessarily. "More like a plush than a suit."
Mike rubbed the suit's padded flank. "It sure is."
Jane's eyes sparkled as she looked at Mike. "I love it."
Mike laughed. "I thought you might."
Jane put her arm around Mike. "Especially considering how it wears." She patted the flank. "Who's first in back?"
Mike returned the embrace. "I thought we'd roll for it."
"Sounds fair," Jane replied. "I can't believe your mom went for it, though."
Mike shrugged. "I think she liked the concept for some of the same reasons you did. Plus it gives her some quality close time with the girlfriend of her son."
Jane sat on the bed and picked up one of the narrow canine heads that rested next to the suit. "My folks weren't quite so keen on having me in there with you. When they found out your parents were joining us, they cooled off, though. Are you sure having one person in back is enough? It takes three in front."
Mike unzipped the front of the suit and opened it up to show her the inside. "It narrows subtly, and the person in the middle in front takes up less space than the right and left ones since they aren't taking a leg. Two could squeeze in back, but it takes one comfortably."
Jane wriggled in and tried to move the back legs. "I guess I could do it."
"Are you volunteering for the first shift?"
"Let's see how the die falls."

***

Victor, Nora, Mike and Jane stood in their undersuits and Susan in the blue-furred body of the anthropomorphic wolf she was going to the party as that night. "I can't believe I let you con me into this," she said to Jane as she put her toony, happy faced wolf head on the couch of Victor's house. "No one had better recognize me."
"Don't worry," Jane said. "No one will. Now help us with this."
They'd already thrown the four-sided die and Victor had lost. He was going to be in back and so Nora had taken middle. "I think we'd all prefer to have him see my butt rather than either of your two."
Victor lay on his back and wiggled into the suit's back legs, his body bending so that his front would be in the main body of the costume. Mike took the left side with his left leg in that of the costume's and his right leg bent up and onto a pad in the suit's body. He pushed his head out of the leftmost hole in the front of the suit's. Jane followed on the right and finally Nora lay back and stuck her head through the front, the rest of her body laid out through the suit's body, her legs on either side of Victor's head. Victor shifted his body and put his hands on his wife's rear. "Much better."
Nora squirmed and looked back at the expansive flank of the suit. "Get off."
Susan grasped the zipper on the belly of the upside-down canine and pulled it up before Victor could answer. She helped the giant dog right itself and then carefully placed the identical lupine heads on the three front occupants. She put identical red collars around the seam between the costume's heads and body and then clipped a three-ended lead to the loops on the collars. She gave them a lopsided smile as she pulled the blue wolf head onto her own face. "Heel."
The giant dog on the end of the leash lurched forward and fell over with the muffled swears of its four occupants, the helpless Nora not the least. Susan's laughter was quite audible from the inside of her own suit and the dog's right head lifted and Jane's glare was evident even through her canine visage. "Help us up, you idiot." Susan didn't stop laughing as she once again righted the giant dog.
"All right," Victor said, his voice coming from somewhere near the dog's middle. "A dog walks with both front and back moving on either side simultaneously. So me and Jane first, then me and Mike and so on from there. Nora," the middle head squeaked as Victor did something invisibly from inside the suit. "Stay frosty."
The middle head craned around and Nora tried to give a sharp glance to the dog's flank. "Hit him with a newspaper for me, will you?"
Mike said, "Walk first, then revenge."
The dog's next attempt at locomotion was more successful, and the giant plush Cerberus managed to get almost to the door before the left front leg got tangled in the lead and the entire animal almost fell over again.
"Sorry!" Susan said as she rushed in front of the dog. "I forgot. Is everyone all right? Are we ready?"
"Ready," four voices said from various locations.
Jane gathered up the lead in her paws. "Let's go walkies, then."
***
There was no way that Cerberus was going to fit in a car, so Susan led her new colossal pet to the party hall on the sidewalk. It wasn't very far, but they encountered a great many people on their way, with varying results. The littler kids usually crossed to the other side of the street well before Cerberus passed, and plenty of adults just walked by. Still, quite a few pedestrians stopped Cerberus and its wolf keeper to compliment them on their costumes. Cerberus was pet and patted and stroked by several, and as another admirer continued on his way, the middle head said quietly, "This is a little embarrassing. When they pet the costume's back, they touch a rather embarrassing part of my body."
Susan laughed. "All four of you are going to be in the middle by the end. So everyone's going to have their butt touched by strangers."
The giant dog and its keeper was a big hit at the party, mostly friends or friends of friends of Victor and Nora. Susan found herself asked to dance by several people, and Cerberus got a big laugh from the crowd when the giant canine tried to sit on his haunches like a normal dog would and ended up flailing and shouting in four voices. They even applauded when the beast lay down on his belly and the three heads all drank from straws given to them by their lupine keeper. After half an hour, Jane took Cerberus to a small room off the main hall with a lock, where she helped the various occupants of the dog to get out, massage their sore parts and then climb back into the costume, this time with Nora in back, Victor resting his legs in the middle and the two teens still on either side. She also took the opportunity to cool herself off briefly.
Nora had a better gait than Victor, and the dog managed to join a dance or two for another half hour, when Mike was shuffled into the back, Jane into the center and the two adults into either side. They were tired by then, and spent the next half hour before another shuffle socializing. The other attendees loved talking to the wolf keeper and the dog with three indpendent heads.
When it was finally Jane's turn to go in back, with Mike taking the center from her, all five decided it was about time to go. The streets were less crowded than earlier, and only a handful of late trick-or-treaters stopped to hug the wolf or pet the dog.
On arrival at Mike's house, Susan sank into a chair, taking her head and handpaws off, and fanning her face. "That was tiring," she said, pulling her curly tail out from underneath her.
The dog had collapsed with its heads on the floor. The middle one raised itself and said, "You said it. Come on, get these heads off us."
Susan grinned and got up. Patting the middle head, she walked by and filled a glass of water. "I don't know," she said, walking back to the dog. "I could certainly use a guard dog with the brains of four people."
The left head - Nora - said, "Susan..."
Susan sighed. "You always were a commanding presence, Ms. Falkner." She undid the collar and pulled her head off. "Fine."
The other occupants of Cerberus were freed in turn and five people sat in various places in the living room, one still wearing most of her costume, the others looking at the empty hulk of theirs. Mike said, "That was fun."
Jane said, "Yeah, but not easily repeatable. It's not simple to find four people willing to all get into that thing." She leaned over and put her arm around Mike. "Much as I loved being in there with you."
Nora said, "I think I'll stick to individuals." She took her turn to embrace her partner. "Or at least in twos."
Susan stood and put her head under her arm. "This looks like it's going to turn into a family moment. I think I'll hightail it out of here." She grinned, turned and bent over, her tail sticking up behind her. "Get it? High tail?"
Jane threw a pillow at her friend's behind, almost knocking her over. "Get out of here!" After Susan had left, Jane said, "You know, in the sitcom of our lives, she's turning out to be the quirky uncle with a heart of gold."
Victor said, "I don't think I want to think about that too hard. I might start hearing schmultzy music playing whenever I learn a bittersweet lesson."
"Does that happen often?" Jane asked.
"Not really, but it might start happening to you two. High school sweethearts and all that."
"I really don't want to think about that," Mike replied.
"Enough," Nora said. "Let's enjoy the rest of the evening. The fire's burning, we have each other. Enough meta-reality philosophy for one night." They relaxed in the warm glow, enjoying each other's company.
"Since when did we have a fireplace?" Victor asked at last.

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Comments

Furries are new to me

Does this actually happen in RL? At first it seemed to me that wearing a fur suit with a head and all, even without the unitard like full body underwear, was enough insulation for an arctic winter (before global heating). Then I thought, maybe this does happen in real life, at around "room temperature", so a suit couldn't possibly be that hot. Maybe a suit is made like a wig, with the hair attached to sort of a net; that would be a lot cooler.

So, tell us, Saliaven, how does this all work? You could also post photos instead of sketches, like showing the outside of a suit and the inside.

Just curious and incurably practical; I guess I'd like to know when I need to suspend disbelief and when I don't. ;-)

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

Ready for work, 1992. Renee_3.jpg

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

re: Furries are new to me

As far as I know, the Cerberus suit was never made. It would probably be nearly impossible for any four humans to endure, much less control. However, fursuits in general exist in abundance, and a great many (though not nearly all) can be found on the fursuit database: http://www.fur-suit.org/

If you want high quality, I would recommend looking at those made by ScribbleFox(some good TG right there), Winfox(VERY good TG) and Mixed Candy. You use the "builder" link and then search for those names.

This database has maybe 2000 suits, which I doubt comprise even half of those extant. They come in all types, although the net concept may exist, it certainly is not the norm. Most people just sweat it out covered in a fabric with faux fur on it. If you want to know how they are made, BladeSpark has a tutorial with pictures: http://www.sparkcostumes.com/photohow.html
Matrices also does a good job: http://www.matrices.net/fursuiting.asp

And if you're really interested, you can naturally ask Google how to make a fursuit, and ask questions from a variety on experts on BladeSpark's forum: http://80scartoons.net/fursuitforum/index.php

a cute

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

A cute little side story.
*smiles*