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~* Resolution *~ Natalie smiled reassuringly. “When Ally called, she said it was really important that I meet you,” she offered in a friendly tone. Taking Andrea’s hand, I gently rolled her sleeve back. She closed her eyes tightly, clamping down on her bottom lip. “Natalie, Andrea’s been having a really rough time back in California. She-” “Oh my God,” Natalie gasped. She leapt to her feet, racing past Cynthia and stopped to kneel in front of Andrea, who by now looked like she might be on the verge of tears again. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like,” she continued in a more serious tone.

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There’s a certain kind of warmth that accompanies a well-used kitchen during the holidays. It’s an experience I never really thought about before that night. It wasn’t just the heat of the oven or the scent of vanilla in the air, but the warmth of two human hearts sharing our laughter.

Andrea more than anyone truly and desperately needed these kinds of simple human connections that I took so easily for granted. After Jennifer and Nicole had gone home for the evening, I'd had a crazy, mad, wonderful idea to pass the time.

I’ve mentioned before that I learned to cook out of necessity, but in truth, I also learned to love to cook. Every new recipe brought with it a new culinary adventure, but I found joy in even the most humble of recipes, shared with a friend found in the strangest of places.

We at least managed not to make too much of a mess of the kitchen, although the casualties of war still amounted to two mixing bowls and a light dusting of flour on the counter.

I couldn’t help laughing as I realized Andrea also had a spot of flour right on the tip of her nose. She gave me an odd stare, so grinning, I reached to pluck a spoon from a nearby drawer.

I watched her scrunch her nose at the distorted reflection in the polished metal. It took her a moment to register what I was showing her. She reached a hand up to swat the excess flour away, laughing.

“I never knew cooking could be so much fun. Usually chocolate chip cookies in my house come in a bag with a little elf on the front.”

I had to giggle. “My mom used to work long hours, and when I was younger she attended night school while holding down a job as a waitress, so I learned to cook pretty early on. I hardly ever bake though.”

“Wow. So what happened to your dad?” she asked. It occurred to me that I actually never told her much about my family. Granted, she never cared to ask either. Back then she was always preoccupied with who saw us together and when, and that was about it. I didn’t know what I saw in her. Desperation is stupidly blind, I guessed.

I smiled reassuringly, as I kind of had a feeling how this ‘new’ Andrea would respond to what came next. “He left Mom when I was little. He always paid child support, up until he was killed in an industrial accident, but that’s all I knew of him: a check and a big, fat life insurance policy.”

She frowned at that, but nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“It’s okay,” I said with a shrug, still smiling at her. “It’s ancient history. Besides, Margie said he wasn’t really father of the year material anyway, so I didn’t really miss much. My future step-dad, on the other hand…”

“Is awesome,” she answered. “I can’t believe he got that Brittany chick’s dad to come to you guys’ game. That was so sweet.”

“Girls?” Cynthia called from the living room. Neither of us heard her come in apparently, as Andrea looked rather surprised toward the door, calling back.

“In here Mom! Robin’s teaching me to bake cookies.”

Cynthia looked like she’d seen a ghost. She stared blankly at us. “Andrea, cooking? Excuse me, I think I have the wrong house.” She grinned, causing Andrea to roll her eyes.

“Oh, Mom.”

I pulled the oven door open just enough to peek inside, offering Andrea the oven mitt so she could do the honors. She pulled it daintily over her hand, reached into the oven, and drew out the cookie sheet. They weren’t the most spectacularly beautiful confections to ever grace an oven, but they didn’t burn or turn out hideously lumpy.

Cynthia smiled thoughtfully as she watched us. She didn’t say a word as Andrea held the cookie sheet stable for my spatula to remove them. Andrea took one from the top, turning to her mother and offering it. “Tell us what you think?”

Cynthia, caught by surprise by her daughter’s abrupt offer, accepted the cookie. We watched with baited breath while she bit down. I’d never seen her smile like that.

“Oh, girls, these are heavenly! So moist and … Mmm!”

Andrea giggled. “It’s Robin’s recipe. I just helped, really. So what did Daddy say?”

“Well,” her mother began, motioning for Andrea to follow her. She grabbed a cookie for herself, as did I, but when I started to leave the room, Cynthia called after me. “No, Robin, I want you here too.”

Andrea glanced back at me and smiled. She grabbed my arm, gently tugging me along as she crossed the joint kitchen-dining room, sitting at the table. I sheepishly sat down beside her, with Cynthia taking the next chair up at the head of the rounded-rectangular-ish oak table.

“The way we see things, forcing you to go home, to return to your old school would be detrimental at best.”

Andrea nodded slowly. “I’m sorry Mom. I just cannot go back there.” She emphasized ‘not’ firmly and with distinction.

“There’s also no way we can just move you here, either. Not right now anyway.”

Andrea nodded softly. She had a kind of sadness in her eyes as she stared down at her half-eaten cookie, turning it slowly over in her hands.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t come visit though.” Cynthia paused, watching her daughter’s eyes light up at that bit of good news. She smiled. “But as to what we’re going to do, I’m afraid I don’t have an answer just yet.”

Just as Andrea’s face fell, something occurred to me, or rather, someone. Kelly transferred schools when she was our age to another school in the district, specifically to avoid having problems. It was a long shot, but worth offering. I cleared my throat.

“What if Andrea just switched schools?” Andrea slowly looked up. Her eyes reflected the uncertainty she must have felt, so I elaborated.

“I’m not at liberty to really discuss why all this happened, but a friend of my family’s, when she was Andrea’s and my age, faced similar problems with school. She transferred to another school in the district, and it ended up being the best three years of her teenage life.”

Cynthia leaned back into her chair as Andrea’s gaze shot from me to her. She seemed to be holding her breath, waiting for her mother to respond. “That sounds like a reasonable compromise.”

“Really?!” Andrea squealed, leaping to her feet, which sent her chair flying backwards. She excitedly hugged her mom. Cynthia honestly giggled at the sudden, positive reaction from Andrea.

“And now that Jen’s helped me get my computer set up we can stay in touch that way, plus you have my phone number too, if you just need to hear a friendly voice.”

She smiled back at me, standing upright for only the length of time it took her to close the distance between us before bending down to wrap me in a hug. Her moist tears stained my face as she brushed her cheek against mine. “Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. Robin, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Pay it forward,” I whispered as I hugged her back, giving her a chaste kiss on her cheek. “You’re smart, beautiful, and talented. Just be yourself and let things happen naturally. That’s what happened to me.”

I paused, glancing back at Cynthia. She sat smiling at us. I think she understood now what I meant to Andrea. I don’t think any of the three of us understood WHY or HOW this had all come about, but we all understood the ‘what’ now. I had inadvertently become Andrea’s sanity anchor, for lack of a better term.

Andrea sniffed as she nodded in answer. I stood to hold her in a proper hug, and for several long seconds, we just stood silently like that. Not two teenagers who ‘used to date’, or even two goofy girl friends with a weird history.

Right there, and right then, we were just Robin and Andrea, two girls who, by strange happenstance, started to mean a lot more to each other than either ever believed possible.

“Before you guys go back,” I began, my own voice cracking. I couldn’t help the tears that now flowed. It just coalesced into such an emotional moment for the both of us. “There’s someone I want Andrea to meet. She lives a few towns over, but we went to camp together. Her name’s Natalie and, well, her best friend succeeded where Andrea didn’t.”

~oOo~

School seemed to just fly by that day. I absolutely hated neglecting the Trent-Trina situation, but at the same time, I couldn’t just very well tell him (or was that her?) that Kathy had told us what was going on. I’d try to approach him soon though. I had to do something, as I had a personal stake in what came next.

I had originally asked Nicole to drive us to see Natalie, but I hadn’t really given a lot of thought to that idea, or that Mrs. Townsend might be reluctant to let her daughter go off alone with a group of my friends like that, even if she did seem to trust me now.

Instead, she offered to drive us in her rental car. Luckily for us, she liked SUVs. We had plenty of room for Nicole, Jennifer, Allison, Andrea and me in the sleek sport-utility.

Allison had the foresight to call ahead the night before and warn Natalie that we’d be coming for a surprise visit. Natalie was more than happy to meet Andrea, but we didn’t tell her why. It felt a little underhanded to be honest, but Andrea needed to see Natalie’s reaction firsthand.

As we pulled into the driveway at her house, the front door opened, and Natalie stepped out, dressed in a heavy winter coat. A matching headband held her hair neatly in place.

“Hi guys!” she bubbled cheerfully, practically squealing when Jennifer poked her head around the rear passenger door of the vehicle. After an eventful exchange of hugs between the two, and a somewhat less bouncy hug between the rest of us, I motioned to the newcomers.

“Natalie, this is Andrea Townsend and her mom, Cynthia.”

“Hi there!” Natalie warmly replied, shaking hands with both. “Come on inside. My brother and his girlfriend are doing their homework at her house, and my parents are out shopping, and I don’t even know where my older brother’s hiding,” she mused, rolling her shoulders as she led us inside. “So, Robin says you’re one of her friends from California?”

Andrea nodded nervously. We spread out across the living room taking whatever available seating we could find. I found a cozy spot on the sofa between Nicole and Andrea, Jennifer and Allison sat on a smaller matched loveseat, and Cynthia seated herself beside Natalie in one of the Pooles’ pair of wingback chairs.

“Yeah. We were…” she paused, glancing at me. I smiled and nodded.

“It’s okay. Natalie knows.” Granted, Mrs. Townsend didn’t, but she’d just think I meant Natalie knew I liked girls - hopefully.

“Sort of-but-not-really dating for a little while. It’s a long story.”

Natalie smiled reassuringly. “When Ally called, she said it was really important that I meet you,” she offered in a friendly tone. Taking Andrea’s hand, I gently rolled her sleeve back. She closed her eyes tightly, clamping down on her bottom lip.

“Natalie, Andrea’s been having a really rough time back in California. She-”

“Oh my God,” Natalie gasped. She leapt to her feet, racing past Cynthia and stopped to kneel in front of Andrea, who by now looked like she might be on the verge of tears again. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like,” she continued in a more serious tone.

Andrea nodded softly. “I-I didn’t have the guts to go through with it. They didn’t tell you the whole story why I’m here. I didn’t just come to visit Robin. I ran away from home,” she whimpered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I slid an arm around her to hold her, while Natalie stared blankly at her wrist. Finally, slowly, she looked up again, tears rolling down her own cheeks now.

“Andrea, this is never, ever the answer. When Crystal killed herself, it ruined my life. I was angry, depressed, sad, and in so much pain. I didn’t know how to cope with my pain, so I lashed out at people.

“For a year I carried that grief inside me, and more than once, I honestly thought about just walking into the lake at the camp. I wanted to be with Crystal again. I wanted to see her beautiful smile, hear her angelic voice. I wanted to hear her tell me it would be okay,” she sobbed.

“She was my best friend, and so much more. She was like a sister to me. When she did what she did, all I wanted to know was why she thought she was beyond hope. Why did she not ask me for help first? Andrea, Crystal saved my life. She saved me from myself one week before she killed herself. What do you think that does to you?”

Andrea shook her head slowly. She had no answer. I didn’t have one either. Andrea slowly leaned forward though, staring Natalie right in the eye. Her lower lip quivered as she seemed to search for her words.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered. “I really am. I’ll never do it again, I swear.”

“You’d better not,” Natalie responded. “It’s the most selfish, diabolical thing a person can do. For them it’s instant, but for the people that LOVE them, that CARE for them? It’s a cruelty that shouldn’t be wished on your worst enemies, let alone your best friends.”

Without warning, she stood, taking both Andrea’s hands and tugging her right up off the couch and into her arms. She held her tightly as she whispered in her ear. “There's something I want you to have.”

She released Andrea from her embrace, only to take her by the hand. She looked back at me with a smile. “Robin, everyone, you come too,” she spoke softly. We all stood, following Natalie as she led the helpless-looking Andrea to what was apparently her bedroom.

She released her hand and passed by her day bed laden with stuffed animals to a small makeup table where a simple cedar-crafted jewelry box rested. She opened it, taking something out, and turned back to approach Andrea.

“This was Crystal’s locket. It’s one of the only two things I have of hers, the other being that air freshener dispenser thing.”

She smiled, even giggling a little as she held up a silver heart-shaped locket on a matched chain. Andrea jumped as Jennifer gathered her auburn hair into a ponytail, moving it aside for Natalie to clasp the chain around her neck.

“Anytime you feel scared, lonely, or like you have no hope, I want you to look at this, and I want you to remember; you have people who care about you, including me.”

Andrea looked down at the locket in her hand and back at Natalie again. “I-it’s beautiful, but I can’t-”

“Yes, you can,” she responded before Andrea could finish. The touching scene left us all in tears. We, including Cynthia, gathered around the two girls in one massive group hug.

Returning to the living room, we sat and talked for some time after that, mostly about what would happen next, but also about how Andrea had gotten to this point, and how she could avoid falling this far ever again. As we stood to leave, Natalie added.

“I really enjoyed talking to you. Will I ever see you again?”

Andrea paused, glancing at her mother. “I really want to come visit again soon, but I don’t know when.”

Cynthia wrapped Andrea in a hug. “We’ll work something out honey. I promise. Christmas break is only a week and I’d really rather have you home, but if, by December, you decide you’d rather spend it here, then I’ll work something out with your father.”

She squealed. “Really?! Oh Mom you’re the best!”

I couldn’t help giggling as well, and even the girls seemed genuinely enthused about the idea, but Nicole’s response practically floored me.

“Hey, I told you before, my family’s really well off. We have like, tons of rooms we only sparingly use for guests. I’ll even let you stay in the Heedless Despair suite if you want.”

Andrea slooowly turned to stare at Nicole, who had, to use one of her Nikki-speak phrases, ‘grinned like a mule eating a thorn bush’. “You heard me. C’mon, I’ll explain on the drive home.”

~oOo~

By the end of the week, things finally felt as though they were coming back into some sense of cosmic balance again. Andrea and Cynthia returned to California, with Andrea’s solemn vow that she would not only call me the second she touched down again, but that she would also seek counseling while waiting for her parents to sort out the school transfer business.

Now I could finally track down Trent and find out first-hand what had been going on between him and Lisa’s Mom. We had no classes together, but we shared a lunch period, so I knew that would be my best time to track him down. The only problem was that for the last two days he hadn’t come to the cafeteria for lunch either. I spotted Lisa and Mark entering, and immediately approached them.

“Hey Robin,” Mark spotted my approach and waved. I smiled a little. “Hi guys. Have you seen Trent?”

“Not today,” Lisa answered, “But that’s mostly because the yearbook people are swamped trying to meet deadlines. I’m sure if you ask Mrs. Ellis she’ll let you in the Journalism department to talk to him though,” she added with a cheerful smile.

“Thanks! Oh Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Ally’s looking for you,” I grinned innocently. Lisa giggled as the poor guy shifted from his usual goofy smile to an outright nervous deer-in-headlights stare.

“Come on you. Let’s go see what she wants,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his, tugging him along like a condemned prisoner. I meanwhile, had a photographer to track down.

I’d never actually been inside the journalism department, only barely recalling that it even existed. It felt like the school built it as an afterthought, attaching it like a janitor’s closet off to one side of one of the classrooms rather than giving them their own area to work.

This also meant I’d have to interrupt a class in-session. I quietly slipped inside Mrs. Ellis’ classroom. She glanced up from her desk and smiled, motioning me over.

“Hi Robin. What can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for Trent. Have you seen him today? It’s really important.”

Her face shifted to what I couldn’t call a frown, so much as a contemplative stare. After a moment she nodded. “I think I saw him head into the darkroom over an hour ago. You’re welcome to go back and see. Just make sure you knock if the door’s closed. They sometimes forget to turn on the ‘in use’ light.”

“Thank you,” I smiled as I turned to step away.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, causing me to turn back to her.

“I hope so,” I offered sincerely. It was the best answer I could give. She seemed to understand what I meant and left it at that, and I turned back to continue.

I noticed a few students watching me cross the room, but I’d grown accustomed to it by now. I’d gone from the new girl to homecoming princess without even trying, to say nothing of my very public relationship with Nicole.

I gently patted Elaine’s shoulder as I passed her by. She glanced up from her computer long enough to give me a token smile before returning to her typing. “Kathy and Trent are in there,” she added as I approached the darkroom. I knocked gently, backing away when I heard what sounded like a plastic container being dropped.

Elaine and I both giggled as I turned back to her. “I… think I’ll just wait.”

She reached under the computer table, retrieving a half-crumpled paper bag from one of the local fast food restaurants. She turned in her swivel-office chair, extending it to me. “Chicken nuggets? I couldn’t finish them, and if you’re waiting on those two, it could be awhile.”

“Ooh, thanks!” I responded warmly as I took the offered meal. I started nibbling on one of the poultry treats, spinning an unused chair about to sit down. “I’m really worried about Trent. I wanted to try and find him for a few days now, but I had another crisis on my hands.”

The sounds of Elaine’s rapid typing slowed to a standstill and she exhaled, spinning to face me. “Robin, there’s something I … we … wanted to ask you for a little while now.”

“We?” I asked. I must have been giving her a comically puzzled stare because her serious expression cracked, and she started to giggle.

“We being the publishing staff mostly. It was Kathy’s idea, though. It seems like you’ve got a real handle on dealing with problems. Would you be interested in writing an advice column for the school paper? You could call it ‘Spirit’s Enlightenment’!” she giggled.

“You guys want me to write for the school paper?” I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s true I liked English, but I was no writer, let alone a columnist.

“Yeah; you’ve got a real knack for helping people. It’s like you see the world differently or something. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

I rolled my shoulders. “It’s okay. I do see the world differently. I think it’s because I know what it’s like to be an outcast. I know what it feels like to have the entire school either want to use you for a punching bag, or just flat not care that you exist.”

“See, that’s what I mean. You’ve been at the absolute worst high school drama can throw at you. You’re not some goddess-figure of popularity like Chelsea. You’re a real, down-to-earth girl, and people like that about you, including me. So will you?”

“I … Yeah, sure. Why not?”

The door to the darkroom creaked open and Kathy poked her head out, looking around. She had worn the concert t-shirt Jennifer gave her, with her hair up in cute pigtails that bounced when she jerked her head toward me. She laughed. “Oh, it’s you. What’s up?”

Before I could answer, Elaine grinned. “She said yes.”

“Really?! AWESOME!”

I giggled a little. “Yeah, but that’s not why I’m here. Is Trent in there?”

“Yo,” he grunted from inside.

Kathy nodded. “We’re having … difficulties getting a picture to turn out right. Come on inside if you’ve got some time.”

Returning Elaine’s leftover lunch to her, I followed Kathy inside. Immediately, my nostrils felt like they were on fire. I coughed and tried to hold my breath as Kathy pulled the door closed. Overhead, two vents noisily whirred away. I could only imagine how awful that smell must be without them!

Trent stood hunched over a counter next to a projector-like machine containing a strip of film held under a bright light, though I couldn’t honestly begin to explain how the contraption might have actually worked.

Off to my side, just before Kathy shut off the main light, I noticed a row of five-by-seven black and white photos hanging on a clothesline above a massive, tub-like sink lined with three small trays of liquids.

“So what’s on your mind?” Trent asked, without looking up from whatever he was doing. He fiddled with some little knob on the machine. “Kathy, put your hand here. I want to try and burn in this area without getting the face mis-exposed this time.”

Kathy dutifully raced to Trent’s side, sticking her hand out as I exhaled, turning to face them.

“Honestly? You are. I’m worried about you. I wanted to come find you a lot sooner, but my ex girlfriend showed up, and all Hell broke loose.” Kathy gave me a funny stare. Trent stayed silent though.

“I just wanted you to know that if there’s anything I can do to help, just say the word.”

“Yeah, well,” he grunted, shutting the light off in the machine. He turned to face me, holding a blank piece of paper which he swiftly dunked into the first tray of chemicals. “Talk’s not going to do a lot to help me right now. Lisa’s mom is pissed, and I can’t tell her I’m Trina because it’d just make it worse.”

“Actually, it won’t,” I offered softly. He stared up at me. As my eyesight began to adjust to the dim red lights overhead, I could see the confusion tattooed all over his face.

“Lisa’s mom thinks her daughter is experimenting with lesbianism. At first she thought Nicole and I ‘rubbed off’ on her. I thought that I’d managed to convince her that that wasn’t the case, but I guess she changed her mind after hearing about Nikki’s party.”

“Wait,” he asked uneasily. Kathy, noticing his inattentiveness, quickly pulled the developed picture from the first chemical bath, letting it drip for a few seconds before moving it to the next while he approached me. “You talked to Lisa’s mom?”

“It was awhile ago, that day she gave me her Carmilla dress. I told her everything would be okay, but that I couldn’t say anymore. I didn’t want to violate your privacy saying something I had no business saying. She has no idea you’re Trina.”

He nodded softly, turning back to retrieve the photo, only to find Kathy one step ahead of him. He shot her a quiet smile. “Thanks Kathy,” he added sheepishly. She shrugged and smiled back at him.

“S’what friends are for, babe,” she teased.

“I don’t know what to do, Robin,” he continued as he looked back at me. He wrung his hands slowly, methodically as he shook his head.

“Talk to her. Tell her the truth.”

“I… I’m scared to. I’m scared of how much I’ve enjoyed my time as Trina.”

I bit my lip. “Let me ask you something. What is it about becoming Trina that you enjoy most?”

By now, Kathy had moved the photo to the third chemical bath. Trent closed his eyes for several seconds, finally responding. “It’s fun. I love dressing up and pretending I’m someone else for awhile. I love going out in heels and a cute black dress, and I really love what it’s done for my relationship with Lisa.”

“Does it feel natural?” It was the question I knew I had to ask. Robin was ‘natural’ for me. It was who I was, who I am, who I always will be.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Like, natural how?”

“I mean, like, do you feel like presenting as Trina is who you really are?”

He actually cracked a smile at that and shook his head. “Not really. I just really, really like doing it, but I feel so guilty, especially with Lisa’s mom thinking I’m hiding something. She doesn’t even know Lisa and I are going steady.”

“Listen, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you should see someone – a professional-”

“Like, a shrink?” he frowned at that.

“Yeah, but hear me out. She’s been my therapist since June. She’s practically one of my closest friends, and I’d trust her with my life without a second thought. Ally sees her too, but less often. She treats each of her patients, no matter what they’re there for, on an individual basis, and most importantly, she listens.”

He stared down at the freshly developed photo for several seconds. Using a pair of tongs he pulled it from its last chemical bath, ran it under running water then hung it up to dry. I turned in time to catch a glimpse of it. It was a picture of me posing as Belle at the Girl Scout Halloween party. Trent smiled at me.

“Finally got the exposure just right. We didn’t want you looking completely washed out against the background. Give me the contact information, and … I’ll talk to my parents tonight. I’m also going to go over to Lisa’s this weekend and apologize.” He stepped closer, and I soon found myself lost in the tall boy’s embrace. I happily rested my cheek against his chest as I hugged him back.

“I’d better get to class, but please let me know what happens, okay?”

He nodded as he let me go. “I will; I promise.”

---

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