Synopsis:

Aunt Melissa finally arrives from the land down under. Joan has a run in with a dissatisfied customer. She watches Sam pitch another game. The young lovers have a spat of sorts. Joan spends the evening alone until she meets the mysterious "Fred…" Will her entire life change as a result of this chance encounter?

Story:

Chapter 14

Reach Out

The days began to fly by in rapid succession. Each one pretty much the same as the last. It was now Thursday afternoon and I had to get home to wait for Aunt Melissa’s imminent arrival. I still hadn’t told Mom that she was coming a few weeks early. At this point it would simply have to be a "surprise."

I changed the sheets on my bed and moved my absolute necessities into the sewing room. I’d be sleeping on the floor for the length of her stay. We were scheduled to have steak earlier in the week, but I was saving it for Aunt Melissa. Things had calmed down substantially over the last few weeks. I hoped I hadn’t made a mistake by contacting her. If nothing else, it would give her more time to visit with her daughter and her son-in-law to be.

The doorbell rang somewhere around five o’clock. I ran excitedly to answer it. Upon seeing me Aunt Melissa stepped back and checked the numbers on the front of our house. She didn’t recognize me. I went to give her a hug and she froze up on me.

"Aunt Melissa, it’s me Joan!" I said to her. She eyed me curiously. I could tell that for a moment she thought she’d stepped into the twilight zone. I was the spitting image of her sister at the age of fourteen.

"Joan? I have a nephew named John…" and then it all fell into place for her. I’d been so used to just being "me" anymore that I hadn’t even thought to make the revelation of myself in any other way. "Oh John, what’s happened to you?" She cried. I almost began to panic. I could see her testifying in court on my father’s behalf. My thoughts drifted. I could almost hear her say in that strange accent she was developing: "Yes, that’s my former nephew John. His mother has turned him into some kind of sissy. I really think society would best be served if he were sent off to the Siberian Military Academy."

"I’m so glad you’re here," I said in an attempt to diffuse the situation. I grabbed her bags and carried them up to my room. Now what was I supposed to do? "You must be exhausted," I said in a matter of fact tone. "Would you like to take a nap?"

"I think what I’d really like, Love, is a drink." She said as we walked back downstairs. I poured her a gin and tonic and began preparing dinner.

"How do you like your steak?" I asked.

"Medium’s fine," she answered. The gulf of years since we’d last seen one another had become a bit too wide. I didn’t really know this woman at all. "So, what happened to my nephew?" She asked as she tossed back the drink and waited for a refill. I explained to her the long journey that I’d begun. I told her that I hoped she wasn’t too disappointed with me. Hell, I didn’t know what to say to her. I really asked her here to be moral support for Mom and lately Mom didn’t seem to be in need.

She listened to my story without interrupting me once. I could see a look of pained-expression erupt on her face. "I knew your Mum always wanted a daughter, but I never thought…" She said and her voice trailed off sadly. I didn’t want to upset her. Hell, I was just "me being me." I wasn’t sure how to win her over. Was it even possible?

"Aunt Melissa," I began. "I guess I’ve always been this way. Everything just seems like it’s the way it was meant to be," I said earnestly. "This isn’t about my mother, it’s about me and how I need to live my life. I too was shocked by her earlier behavior. At first, I thought Mom was making some insane attempt to lead me down the proverbial "primrose path," but in the end I decided that I love being Joan. I can’t imagine ever resuming my former life. Yes, I realize at this point, I really have no say in the matter. Adults rule my world. While they can control my body, no one will ever control my mind. My mind is made up. I will live the rest of my life as the woman I was meant to be."

She seemed to consider my pronouncement for the longest time. Finally she stood and hugged me close. "I don’t care whether you’re John or Joan or whatever. You’re my flesh and blood and I love you. Do you understand?" This was the acceptance I’d been seeking. I returned her hug and went back to preparing dinner.

"Have you told Melissa about your early arrival?" I asked trying to get a handle on the situation.

"I suppose I’d better or there’ll be hell to pay," she said with some resignation. "Still, I was really hoping to spend some time with you and your Mum; to make sure that all was well here before departing for Melissa’s neck of the woods." I explained to her that things had calmed down quite a bit from the time I’d made my request. She seemed pleased to hear it.

"Your father was never really sure what he wanted," she said in an off-handed manner. While I might have been annoyed with such a comment at some point earlier, I took it that she meant to be an ally to me and Mom.

"Well, I’m about to have a sister soon," I told her. "Maybe she’ll want to be a man when she grows up?" I said with a laugh. Aunt Mel just shook her head still trying to wrap her head around the whole idea. The easy flow of conversation between us was returning. This indeed was my mother’s sister. I found myself telling her everything: my job, my relationship with Sam, my friendship with Darla, what had transpired with my bastard father. I was indeed a whirlwind of information. If I didn’t think she’d object, I’d have joined her in a drink and a smoke. Still, today was not the time to push the envelope.

Mom arrived home promptly at six as per usual. Aunt Melissa ran up to her and gave her a tearful hug. The two women remained in that position for a long time. I finally had to break it up with promises of dinner. I took the meat out of the fridge and put it on the grill. I ran back inside and began setting the table in the dining room. Mom was still a bit overwhelmed by Aunt Melissa’s early arrival.

"Why didn’t you tell me you were coming early? Where are you going to sleep?" She went on like that for a few minutes. Finally I interrupted her and told her I had everything under control. It seems Uncle Harry was unable to get away early and would be along in two weeks’ time. Mom told her she could have my room for as long as she liked. I laughed when she said it. I was going to need a cot or something. I guessed if Sam and I were going to do any fooling around we’d have to do it at his house or in the woods.

Thankfully, Aunt Melissa didn’t give me away. She told Mom that she had some extra time and thought she’d spend a bit of it with her long lost sister. I freshened their drinks and returned to my post as head chef.

"So, I see you’ve lost a son and gained a daughter in my absence?" This, of course, from Aunt Melissa. Mom began explaining my metamorphosis to her in her own words. I doubt that she meant for me to hear it, but she said that I was the last straw with regards to my father’s leaving. I had very mixed emotions upon hearing that. I loved my dad a lot, but if he couldn’t accept me for who I was perhaps his leaving was the best thing for all concerned.

Dinner came off without a hitch. We went up to my room and I showed Aunt Mel how to use my computer so she could email everyone at home that she’d arrived here safely. I left the room when she picked up the phone to call my cousin. There was no need for me to overhear their private moments together. Mom had a few questions for me upon my arrival downstairs. Did I know she was coming early, etc. I decided that I was done lying and told her the truth. She smiled at me and told me it was probably a good idea. She missed having Mel around.

I blushed with joy as Mom showed Aunt Melissa the sewing room. She gave me all the credit for its existence. They began exchanging stories about learning how to sew at their mother’s hand as young girls. Mom seemed to naturally defer to anything Aunt Melissa had to say. Aunt Mel kept going on about how wonderful everything was in the land down under. It was closing in on ten o’clock when I finally bade them goodnight. Thankfully, they’d vacated the sewing room minutes earlier. I decided I’d better get some sleep. Two painting jobs on Fridays were a bit much. Fortunately, I wouldn’t have to pedal my bike all over the planet to get to them.

I heard Aunt Melissa asking Mom about my "condition" as I went upstairs to wash up for bed. It made me sad that she’d think of me as anything other than a normal, healthy fourteen year old kid. I guess all-in-all, asking Aunt Mel to come early had been a good idea. I hugged Teddy and Josam tightly as I drifted off to sleep.

Friday morning the smell of bacon cooking wafted down the hall and into my room. Like Pavlov’s dogs before me, I began salivating as I dressed quickly and ran to the kitchen. Aunt Mel was making a huge breakfast with everything from pancakes to home fries. Mom was already sitting at the table. I hadn’t seen her up this early in years. "A growing girl needs a good breakfast," she said to me as she loaded up my plate. With all the work I had to do this morning I wasn’t sure that leaving the house with a full stomach was a good idea. But, the aromas alone had my mouth watering.

I poured myself a glass of orange juice and sat down to eat. "Are you going to be alright on your own today Aunt Melissa?" I asked her feeling a bit guilty. Mom informed me that Mel was going to the library with her. There would be more than enough there to keep her busy for one day. I really hadn’t planned at all on how to entertain my Aunt during her visit. Mom seemed beyond thrilled to have her with us. That was all I’d ever wanted in the first place.

I rose from the table feeling thoroughly "stuffed." I kissed the ladies goodbye and as I made my way to the front door my mother called me back. "Joan, I have something here for you. It’s for emergencies only." She said as she handed me the pre-paid cell phone. "I have your number already programmed in. I expect you to carry it with you at all times." One minute I was thinking it was a gift for me, the next I realized it was a gift for her; just another way to assure herself of my safety.

The Whitcombs lived only a few blocks away. I could just as easily have walked over there. I almost went into shock when I saw who was opening the front door: Marcy Whitcomb. I knew Marcy from school. We’d had a few classes together over the years. I should have made the connection. She eyed me suspiciously as I continued up the walk. Marcy was a bit of a snot-nose and never gave "John" a break about anything. She had a fine future ahead of her as one who could magically turn "molehills into mountains."

"Good Morning, I’m Joan. I’m here to do some painting?" My voice automatically rose into a question at the end. Her eyes continued to burn right through me.

"I know who you are. I’ve heard all about you from Sarah. You’re the little tranny that goes around painting people’s houses for free!" She laughed.

"Is one of your parents home?" I asked politely. I didn’t need this job. Still, it wouldn’t do my reputation any good to start pissing off customers. In a community as small as our own one lived and died by one’s reputation.

"Mom, that tranny John Johnson is here to do your painting," she said and laughed again. I’d met her mother a few times, but I didn’t really know her at all. I was so tempted to just turn around, get on my bike and pedal away. Something held me there. Finally, Mrs. Whitcomb arrived at the front door.

She smiled at me and bade me welcome. I cautiously stepped inside. "Don’t you have something to do, Marcy?" her mother asked. "If you don’t have anything, I can find something for you." Marcy quickly scampered away. "I’m sorry about that, er? Joan, is it?"

"Yes ma’am, Joan’s fine." I said and followed her into the kitchen. I went on and explained about all my previous experience. I began thinking more and more that a book with pictures and letters of recommendation wouldn’t hurt my career at all. She pointed me in the direction of the paint and all the materials that I’d need for the job. I almost froze where I stood when I saw her choice of colors. I wasn’t so sure that painting a kitchen bright red was a good idea. "Are you sure about this color for the walls?" I asked deferentially.

She laughed and told me she’d been wanting to paint it that exact color for years. "You’re the boss," I said and began making preparations. I began to get a bad feeling about this job. I had this uncanny ability to be able to view the room in the completed color before an ounce of paint was applied to the walls. What I saw in my mind’s eye was a disaster waiting to happen. "Mrs. Whitcomb, suppose I just paint one wall, wait for it to dry and then you can make your final decision. By the way, if you do decide that you aren’t happy with it, the wall is going to need a coat or two of primer-sealer to keep the red from bleeding through." I thought I was being reasonable. Should I just walk away now?

"Ms. Johnson, I know what I want. Do you want the job, or don’t you?" She asked me with a trace of sternness in her voice. I didn’t say another word. I began laying the drop cloths everywhere and began painting the ceiling. At least she didn’t want the ceiling painted red. The semi-gloss of the red paint made the walls look like they were coated with fresh blood even when dried. I found myself shuddering uncontrollably as I surveyed my work. I realized that if I did have a "brag book" that I wouldn’t want a picture of this room in it. I laughed to myself.

Thankfully, Marcy never poked her head in the room during the rest of my stay. Mrs. Whitcomb paid me with cash. I was half-afraid that she was going to give me a check and stop payment on it when she finally came to her senses. Two old bromides popped into my head: 1) the customer is always right; and 2) there’s no accounting for taste. Still, anyone attempting to rectify this particular mistake would be in for a lot of work. It wasn’t my problem.

I pedaled home and ate my lunch. I had a hard time getting that red kitchen out of my head. Still, the lady of the house seemed happy with the results. The Cohen job that afternoon was a much more pleasant affair. Sam and Ida Cohen had lived in our humble community all their lives. Mrs. Cohen even told me that she recognized my picture from the newspaper. That had me blushing a bit. Their grandson was coming to stay with them for a time and they wanted me to paint their daughter’s old pink bedroom. I laughed as I remembered recently painting my own room pink.

I finished up early and was home by four o’clock. I thought that Mom might have dropped off Aunt Mel at some point during the day, but there was no sign that anyone had been there. I began making preparations for dinner. All the while I was mentally calculating my slowly amassing fortune. After my next trip to the bank, I’d have well over a thousand dollars in my account.

I ran upstairs and took a shower. It was then that I realized I’d forgotten to take my "pill" this morning. I stared at myself in the mirror as I ceremoniously placed the tiny blue tablet on my tongue and swallowed. For some reason the large white one had no psychological effect on me whatsoever. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined my body changing. I got myself all dolled up and made my way back downstairs.

Shandy was waiting for me as I arrived in the front hallway. She seemed none the worse for wear. I really had to start paying more attention to the poor dog.

I was wrist deep in meatloaf when Sam came marching into the kitchen. "I heard you single-handedly destroyed someone’s kitchen this morning," he said and laughed.

"You heard what!!!" I exclaimed.

"Well with all this painting you’ve been doing, my Mom thought it was time that I did some painting around our house. So, I was down at Hospin’s looking at the color charts when Marcy and her mother came in. The old lady was livid and Marcy just kept saying "I told you so." Anyway, they did their best to blame you for the entire fiasco. Mr. Hospin saved your ass, by the way. He told the old lady that he warned her from the start that she didn’t want to use a red semi-gloss in her kitchen but she insisted. It really was kinda funny. They both left slamming the door behind them after exchanging words with Mr. H.

I was more concerned how/if this would effect my future personally as opposed to my career as a painter. "I knew I should have refused that job," I said at last. "Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m making my world famous meatloaf!" I said simply to change the subject. I suppose I needn’t have asked. I handed Sam some tools and set him to work making the salad.

Mom and Aunt Mel came home on time. Aunt Mel seemed to be comprised of boundless energy. "And who’s this strapping young man?" She asked as she came into the kitchen.

"Don’t you remember me Mrs. Yarborough?" asked Sam in a hurtful manner.

"Sammmmm" Aunt Mel began. You could tell she was dying to say "Samantha" but stopped on the "m." Aunt Melissa went and gave the big guy a hug. They exchanged pleasantries and Aunt Mel "ooh’d" and "ahh’d" over how big Sam had grown. I was tending to the food when the phone rang. Without missing a beat Aunt Melissa picked up.

"Just what is your problem ma’am?" said Aunt Melissa into the phone. "I’ve seen my niece’s work and it’s excellent," she continued. It didn’t take me long to figure out that Mrs. Whitcomb was the other party on the line. I stood next to Aunt Melissa and attempted to grab the phone away from her. "If it’s a fight you’re looking for lady, you’ve found one. I’m sure my niece’s work was first rate. Did she pick out the color, or did you?" Aunt Mel asked her as she continued to hold the phone away from me. Finally, after much begging I managed to get the phone away from Aunt Melissa.

"Mrs. Whitcomb?" I began. "I understand you’re unhappy with the way the room turned out? How can I help you?" I asked sincerely in an attempt to be reasonable. She did her best to set my ear on fire. "I’m sorry you’re unhappy ma’am. I tried to warn you about that color. You did insist… Threatening me is not going to get you anywhere ma’am." I tried to remain calm. The lady would have none of it. At some point, I simply hung up the phone. I began to wonder if my painting career was over before it began.

"That toad. You shouldn’t have attempted to put up with her nonsense," Aunt Mel informed me matter-of-factly. It was times like these that I wished my father were here. I’m sure he could have devised a contract for me to work under. Simply stating that the choice of colors lay solely with the customer. I decided in the end that I’d attempt to draft something for myself. How hard could it be? Starting with my next job I was going to start taking before and after pictures and asking for letters of recommendation. I knew better than to be caught up in garbage like this.

Mom and Aunt Mel sat at the table, the dining room of course, and drank and smoked. Sam and I waited on them. I was glad for his help. I found myself wondering all through dinner if he was going to bolt early to eat dinner at his own home. Still, with all the food he packed away I didn’t see how that would be possible. It turned out that Aunt Melissa was an avid baseball fan and hadn’t been to a game in years; not since the family had moved to Australia. Sam was the only pitcher in the league yet to give up a run. The way he told the story it was like it was "no big deal" but, he knew and I knew that it was a very big deal indeed. Sam’s birth gender would never keep him off a team again.

Aunt Melissa began clearing the table when the meal was finished. In her house, she said, one cooks and the other one cleans up. I liked that rule a lot better than the one in existence in my house. Still, I couldn’t possibly complain. Mom was the best. With dinner over Mom asked us what we wanted to do for the evening. I knew Sam had an early curfew. I couldn’t believe he took that stuff so seriously. He told me that sometimes the coach would call your home phone number and if you weren’t there, you didn’t play in the next day’s game.

Sam thanked me for dinner and told me he’d see me at the game tomorrow. I didn’t even know who they were playing. Lately, baseball was becoming a chore for me. I never thought that would happen. I did my best to keep the excitement alive for Sam’s sake. I took great pleasure in his joy of the game though. There was only one time he shined as he did on the pitcher’s mound and that was when he was safely in my arms. We hugged and kissed and I told him I’d see him on the morrow.

I went back into the kitchen where the ladies were finishing cleaning up. The easy banter between the two of them was a joy to watch. A sudden sadness swept over me that I’d never know that feeling. "Go and make yourself pretty little one." This from Aunt Melissa. "We’re off on a shopping excursion!" I ran upstairs and did just that. I’m not sure why I was excited about the prospect of going shopping with my mother and Aunt Mel, but I was. I sprayed myself liberally with Cool Water before returning downstairs.

"When are we going to be seeing Melissa?" I asked Aunt Mel upon returning.

"She and Dan will be here on Sunday," said Aunt Melissa excitedly. She’d yet to meet her son-in-law to be. "Melissa tells me he’s quite the hunk," she said laughing. "We’ll see." We climbed into Mom’s car and off to the mall we went. "What’s that on your shoulder child?" she asked as I exited the vehicle. My shoulder? Oh No! the tattoo!

"It’s just a henna tattoo" I informed her nonchalantly.

"Ah, they’re all the rage back home," she replied.

We spent hours walking to and fro throughout the mall. For the most part Mom and Aunt Melissa were lost in conversation. I just walked with them taking it all in as best I could. I found myself envying the ease they had with each other. In the end they both came home with a few new outfits. Mom explained that some things were cheaper to buy than to make. As a consolation prize, I came home with a new eyeliner. I was anxious to test it out.

Chapter 15

Come Saturday Morning

Saturday morning I was up at seven and outside mowing our lawns. It seemed Sam was expecting me to mow his anymore. It was OK, I didn’t mind. I finished up and went upstairs to take a shower. I wasn’t going to forget to take my pill again. I’d only taken a few of them but so far, I’d noticed absolutely nothing. I figured that Mom and Aunt Melissa were going to be asleep for some time yet, so I made my way to the bank. I felt a bit nervous walking around with $500 in my purse. It felt good just knowing I had all that money at my disposal should I need it.

There still weren’t any signs of life upon my return home. I decided that I’d make breakfast this morning. I put on a pot of coffee and began frying up a pound of sausage. Mom was going to have to buy some extra food for the length of Aunt Mel’s stay. Just as I had everything under way, the human garbage disposal came waltzing into the kitchen.

"We’re all out of breakfast food at my house," he announced as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "Nice job on the lawn, by the way. When are you coming back to do the trimming?" I laughed at him by way of reply. He looked so damned cute in his baseball uniform.

"Shouldn’t you be on your way already?" I asked.

"Coach is picking me up at eleven. I figured I had just enough time to stop over here for breakfast. Hurry it up sweetheart!" he exclaimed. I put the eggs on over easy and began slicing up the hard rolls.

"Sam, you watch the food. I have to go and wake up the rest of the house." I ran upstairs and began banging on bedroom doors. "Breakfast is ready in five!" I shouted. Sam had the table all set. He put out the butter and the jam and sat back down with his mouth watering. I initially tried giving him four sausages, but he held his plate out in front of me with his eyes pleading. I piled two more onto his plate. Six sausages, three eggs over easy, and two hard rolls later he was finished. Where the hell did he put it all?

Mom and Aunt Melissa were still struggling to wake up. They sat at the table with mugs of coffee held half-way to their faces. I ate while I waited for them to awaken so I could cook their eggs. Sam was in a boisterous mood and thanked us all in advance for coming to his game. I kissed him goodbye and he was gone. I felt reasonably full with the one egg, two links, and one roll that I’d consumed. I began taking egg orders from the ladies. "Nothing too fancy," I informed them. It was eggs over easy for everyone. As I was serving up their breakfast I realized that I’d forgotten to cancel my appointment with Aunt Viv this past Thursday.

I ran up to my former room and dialed Darla’s number. Aunt Vivian answered on the first ring. "Aunt Vivian, this is Joan. Listen, I’m really sorry about missing my appointment on Thursday. I promise it won’t happen again." She laughed and informed me that my mother had called early Thursday evening canceling it. Whew!

"Are you taking your pills?" She asked me.

"Yes ma’am, but they don’t seem to be doing anything."

"Give it time," she said with great authority. "Did you want to speak to Darla?" As a matter of fact, I did! Maybe I could convince her to come to the game with me? She seemed to have a good time at the last two games we attended.

"Sure! Is she available?" I waited a minute while I heard Aunt Vivian screaming in the background for Darla to come and get the phone. In no time at all, I heard her bubbly voice coming through the receiver.

"Darla, would you like to come to the baseball game with me in a little bit?" I held the phone while I heard Darla screaming to her mother asking if it was OK if she came with us.

"I’d love to go Joan! When are you going to pick me up?" I was so blessed to have her for a friend. It would be more fun having someone my own age to talk to while we watched the game. That, plus, I still felt a bit creepy going to the ballpark after the incident with my father.

"We’ll be there by noon!" I said excitedly. She kissed me over the phone before hanging up. Everything seemed right with the world.

I took my new eyeliner and made several feeble attempts to apply it. It was useless. I carried the pencil downstairs and sought the help of experts. Aunt Melissa bounded up from her chair and told me to sit. I sat and closed my eyes while she made a defining line on my upper lids. The effect of that simple line was amazing. It gave incredible definition to my eyes; my eyes seemed deeper, a darker green, and larger. I loved the look!

I told Mom that we needed to stop and pick up Darla along the way. She seemed happy to have the added company. I then found out that Aunt Alice was coming with us too. We arrived at the ballpark where I learned that the Waves opponents would be The Wessex County Wolverines. They too were undefeated at this point in the season. The crowd turnout seemed to be building as the season went along. This was the best team that our county had fielded in my lifetime.

Finally with the Star Spangled Banner finished, the home team took the field. Sam seemed fearless as he began his warm-up tosses. Both teams entered the game with a 3 and 0 record. I could tell just by watching that the stadium crowd was invisible to Sam. His focus was intense. He struck out the first two batters on six pitches, the third batter however, got an infield hit. A sigh of disappointment erupted from the stands. Did they expect him to pitch a no-hitter every time he took the mound?

The clean-up hitter was a big guy; their center fielder. For reasons unknown to me, Sam smiled at him before releasing the first pitch. I could almost feel the breeze in the stands as his bat swung ferociously over it Sam’s smile grew wider as he bared down on the hitter. Three pitches later it was the Waves’ turn to bat.

Aunt Alice cooed like a mother hen over her son’s accomplishments. Mom and Aunt Melissa seemed lost in conversation. Darla’s mind was elsewhere, but she wasn’t talking. "Darla, are you OK?" I had to ask.

"I’m sorry Joan, just things have been a bit strange with Sarah lately. She called me up last night and was hooting and hollering about how you’d destroyed someone’s kitchen. It seems Marcy called her up and told her the whole story. I don’t know why Sarah hates you so? I told her that you were my best friend and if she didn’t knock it off that she and I were through. I finally had to hang up on her. She just went on and on and on." Damn, this painting situation wasn’t going to go away on its own. I wasn’t sure what if anything I could do about it.

The bottom half of the first inning progressed. Sam was up in the clean-up hitter’s spot. In fact, he was the only pitcher in the league to bat clean-up. The situation was the same as the top of the first. There were two outs with a man on first. Sam took the first pitch for a called strike one. He sent the next pitch sailing over the center field wall. He hit the sign that promised dinner for two at a local steak house. The next batter up grounded out to the pitcher. The score was Waves 2 Wolverines, nothing.

The game continued on in rapid fashion. Before I knew it, it was the fifth inning and I was getting kind of hungry. I found myself more than a bit freaked out at the prospect of hitting the concession stands, still a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I took everyone’s order and nudged Darla till she agreed to accompany me. Thankfully, there were no taps on my shoulder. I wondered if I’d ever get over that? We made it back just as the Waves were coming to bat in the bottom of the fifth. Sam was pitching another shutout. He was the only pitcher with a 0.00 era in the league. I was so damned proud of him.

Hot dogs and sodas for five. I sighed as I realized that my weekly allowance and then some was gone with this one "snack." $25 for some crappy franks and watered down sodas.. jeeeeeez! Still, no one was opening their wallets to reimburse me. Oh well, such was life. Sam came up again in the bottom of the fifth with two outs and the bases loaded. The count was 3 balls and no strikes when the next pitch struck him squarely in the back. He dropped like a sack of potatoes. A hush fell over the crowd. I was half tempted to run down onto the field. By the time I realized what I was doing I noticed Darla’s hands restraining me.

At long last Sam arose and was helped to first base. The crowd cheered as one. The umpire went out and warned the pitcher. He seemed beyond upset that his pitch had struck an opponent. The Waves broke the game wide open after that and by the time the inning ended, they were ahead 6 to nothing. The real test lay ahead as Sam took the mound for the top of the sixth.

I could see the beads of perspiration forming on his brow. He looked a bit disoriented as the inning began. The first batter hit a bullet right back at him and he snagged it protectively. Again, the crowd cheered. Just five more outs and Sam would have his third victory. Sam regained his form and struck out the next two batters on seven pitches. If I wasn’t already in love with him, I’d find myself falling head over heels for the big guy.

The game ended unceremoniously as the Wolverines went down to their first defeat. The Waves were the only team in the league with an undefeated record. I was so damned proud of him, I felt about to burst. Aunt Alice couldn’t stop beaming. Aunt Melissa was in awe. Darla and I stood there hugging one another and jumping up and down like a couple of idiots. Darla came down with me and we waited outside the locker room for Sam to appear. He wasn’t long in coming. Obviously, he never showered with the rest of the guys.

I found myself at the back of a long line of fans waiting for the players to appear. The girls were all over Sam as he made his exit. I was filled with mixed emotions. I was prouder than hell over my man’s accomplishments but, I was a bit jealous as he seemed to linger when chatting with a few of them. "Sam, over here!" I called to him. He strode purposefully in my direction. I wrapped my arms around his neck and put on a big show for all to see. There would be no mistaking just who this particular player belonged to! Meanwhile, Darla stood smirking in the background.

"We were just about to head out to get something to eat" I concocted. "Are you coming with us?" I asked pleadingly.

"I’d love to, but the coach promised us all pizza if we won the game. I’m sure sorry Joan…" He said and his voice faded away. For some reason I found myself feeling the fool. He’d rather be with his friends than be with me? I felt like a total begging idiot. I assured him that it was fine with me and walked off arm-in-arm with Darla. She knew what a big jerk he was being. We made our way back to the stands where the ladies were waiting. They looked at me inquisitively when they saw we were sans Sam. I explained the situation.

Aunt Mel gave me her best "boys will be boys" routine, but I’d swear I saw a look of worry cross Mom’s and Aunt Alice’s faces. Was there something going on that I had no idea about? We did indeed go out for a bite to eat. I took no joy in the food or the company. If ever there was a time when I wanted to be off somewhere by myself, this was it.

The three ladies got on like a house afire. I was grateful for that at least. Darla did her best to keep my head here on planet earth. I wasn’t too fond of anyone at the moment. "Darla, you want to do something this evening?" I asked her. I rarely even noticed anymore but we were still wearing our matching earrings. Those and the tattoos made us look like sisters. OK, I was the ugly sister.. but, sisters we appeared.

"I’m supposed to go out with Sarah," she began. Talk about the wrong thing to say. I bit my tongue and told my friend that it was just an idea. I didn’t want to interfere in her personal life. Hell, I had no specific plans. I just didn’t want to spend the evening alone and, at the moment, I certainly didn’t want to see Sam. In fact, I was determined to make myself unavailable to him. "Would you like to come with us? We’re probably going to stop over at Sally’s for a bit?" The prospect of seeing Sally piqued my interest. Still, the thought of seeing Sarah put a total damper on the idea for me. I thanked her politely for her offer but demurred in the final analysis.

Before I knew it we were back home again. I couldn’t even go hide (sulk) in my room. I felt an overwhelming desire to sleep. Hell, Sam had just gone out with the guys to celebrate their victory. No big deal, right? I’m not even sure why I was angry with him. I guess because I felt left out somehow more than anything else. That and I couldn’t get over the look that passed between Mom and Aunt Alice. I closed the door to the sewing room, laid down on the floor and wept. I wasn’t even sure just why I was crying. Finally, I fell asleep. I was awakened by Aunt Melissa knocking on the door.

"Wake up sleepyhead," she intoned. "Since you’ve already had three meals today, your mother has put together a light salad for us. Come on, let’s eat." She sounded a bit too chipper for the way I was feeling. I checked my face in the full-length mirror and touched up my makeup. I put on my best fake smile and made my way into the kitchen. Mom and Aunt Melissa were as per usual lost in conversation. It seemed they were going out that evening with Aunt Alice. It would have been a perfect time for me and Sam to get together, I thought sadly.

At length, Mom asked me how I was going to spend my evening. I honestly had no idea. I just knew I had to get out of the house. I told her that I’d probably hang out on the boardwalk for a bit. She told me to be careful and make sure that I had my cell phone with me. I smiled at her and assured her that I’d be just fine. I wanted to ask her if Sam had called while I slept, still I knew if he had that she’d have told me. I guess I was becoming too dependent on the big guy. I vowed to change all that.

Come eight o’clock, the ladies were all dolled up and heading out for the evening. The three of us together did indeed look like sisters. I found myself wishing that Aunt Melissa didn’t live half a world away. "You can go out if you want, just make sure you’re home by eleven," said Mom. I knew she’d be ringing the home phone promptly at eleven to make sure I was home; safe and sound. A devious part of my brain wondered if call forwarding to my cell phone would work? We didn’t have the service and besides, it would show up on the bill. In any event, I had nothing exciting planned for the evening.

I bade them goodbye and told them I’d see them both in the morning. I ran up to my room and retrieved my guitar. I put it in its soft case and made my way to the beach. It had been a long time since I’d serenaded the ocean. And, I’d never done it at night.

It was only eight thirty, but the sun was already going to bed. Twilight time had arrived. The boardwalk was lit up like a Christmas Tree but the effect wouldn’t be fully noticeable for another hour. I made my way onto the beach and walked down to ocean’s edge. I removed the guitar from my shoulder and began picking some soulful chords. The sadness emanating from the instrument actually began to make me feel better. Before long I was singing some sad lament. "there isn’t that much ocean between Boston and Saint John’s" (Great Big Sea). I sat there strumming and singing sadly when before I knew it a young man had sidled up next to me.

"You’re not bad for a girl," he said generously.

"What would you know about it?" I asked playing along. He held his hands out for my guitar and I handed it to him. Not sure why I did that, but he seemed like a nice kid. He began playing and I found it hard to believe that anyone could be as good as he was.
"It’s not a bad piece for a beginner’s instrument," he said handing it back to me. "By the way, my name’s Fred."

"Ah, better Fred than dead?" I asked facetiously. He laughed and suggested I tell him something that he hadn’t heard before a million times.

"Why so sad? Boy troubles?" He asked again. I should have been pissed-off or at least nervous, but somehow this guy set me completely at ease. I found myself telling him all about Sam. I’d never spoken to a boy before coming from this position. It was beyond strange. I almost felt like I was betraying myself, but I had to admit, I kind of liked it. Life was once again becoming complicated.

I played a few more songs for him. He asked me for my phone number. I was feeling beyond strange. Could I give some boy my phone number? What if he found out about me? He obviously thought I was a young girl. If only he hadn’t seemed so damned nice! "Have you ever thought about singing with a band?" He asked me out of nowhere. If I’d ever had one dream in my life, that was it. To be the lead singer in a band. Still, that particular dream predated "Joan" entirely.

"What if I have?" I just had to say.

"Well, I might be able to make that happen," he replied. "I’ve been in a few bands and, it’s been awhile but I’ve been thinking all summer about forming another one. Are you interested?" Was I interested? Is a bear Catholic? (or something like that.) I gave him my number. He promised to call. Then, he did something totally unexpected. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I’d never… I was totally blown away. So many thoughts assaulted my brain that I was overtaken by gridlock: revulsion, repulsion, anger, and dare I say it. Hell, dare I think it? Hunger… What the hell was happening to me? I just managed to come up for air when he kissed me again.

I melted in his arms. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn’t help myself. In fact, I had a hard time remembering just why it was wrong. Ah yes, I was really a genetic boy in love with a lovely genetic girl. Why did life have to be so complicated? Could I actually find myself having "feelings" for some guy? Was I turning gay? It’s funny, I thought of Sam as male but it all just seemed so natural between us. This just seemed perverse somehow. What scared me even more was that it seemed "right" somehow.

Fred kissed me one last time before departing and promised to call me tomorrow. I sat there on the beach staring out to sea wondering just where life was taking me. Did I really want this guy calling me? Well, the thought of being the lead singer in a band was beyond appealing to me. On that count alone, YES! I wanted him to call. Still, what if he knew the "truth" about me? Hell, he’d probably kill me or have me killed. I’m not sure when or if I’ve ever felt sadder.

I sat there and played a few more songs. They weren’t helping. I carefully shook any grains of sand that might have accumulated from my guitar and packed it in its case. It was closing in on eleven o’clock as I made my way home. I was just in time. I saw the group of idiots marching down the boardwalk towards me. My jaw dropped when I noticed Sam among them. I walked a little faster, not sure if they noticed me and in a sense, not really caring.

The phone was ringing as I entered the front door. I ran to pick it up. "So, did you like your present?" The voice asked. It wasn’t Mom, but Darla.

"What are you talking about?" I asked innocently.

"Fred. Did you like him?" She asked. So, I’d been set up. What the hell was I supposed to say now? I wasn’t in the mood for this conversation at all. Fred had been a set-up. Sam was hanging with the idiots that were going to get him in trouble. My life was a mess.

"He seemed like a nice guy," I said finally. I had no further comments to make. I waited for her to speak. I heard laughter in the background. Were they all laughing at me? "Goodnight Darla" I said and hung up the phone. I seriously felt like slashing my wrists. No, I’m not taking things too seriously, and no, I’m not making light of the act. I was devastated. I felt betrayed by everyone I knew. I half-expected her to call back. Just when I’d given up the phone rang again. "What do you want now?" I asked as I picked up the phone.

"Joan, are you all right?" Mom asked. Was I all right? There were a million reasons why I wasn’t all right. None of them could I divulge to Mom.

"I’m just fine Mom" I assured her not wanting to go into any lengthy explanations as to just how miserable I felt. I almost felt like smashing my guitar to little bits. Had it all been a joke? Did I really need someone else’s affirmation that I was good at singing and playing? What the hell was wrong with me? Mom took me at my word and told me that she’d see me in the morning. I hung up the phone and made myself ready for bed.

Sleep didn’t come easy for me that Saturday night. Lying on the floor didn’t help. I found myself wishing I had a stuffed animal that was neither Teddy nor Josam. They looked so innocent that in the end, I couldn’t resist them. I hugged them both tightly and shed many a tear before I finally drifted off to sleep…

Notes:

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