Home from school, Sasha tries to rest and avoid any more hallucinations by sleeping. Instead, he begins to learn about himself and the girls in his life.

The «Danza de Jalisco» from Aaron Copland’s Three Latin American Sketches rang out from my cell phone and almost awakened me.

“H’llo,” I groggily greeted the caller.

“That you, Sasha?” It was Tina.

“Uh-huh.” I answered, not fully awake.

“Did the nurse send you home?”

“Uh-huh. ’M in bed now.”

“Oh, you poor thing!” Tina consoled me. “I’ll come right over to see you after school’s out.”

“’Tw’d be nice.” I felt my eyelids getting heavier…

“Thank you for letting me wear your windbreaker this morning,” she said. “That was so thoughtful of you.”

“Y’r’elcome, Babe,” I mumbled, trying to stay awake.

“And thanks, too, for wearing my pink sweater. Most boys wouldn’t have been willing to do that. That was so sweet!”

“Y’r s’eeter ’an me, Teenie,” I answered her, not yet yielding to sleep.

“You sound like you can barely stay awake.”

“Yeah.”

“I’d better go now. You get some rest now, Sasha. I’ll see you after school.

“Af’ school…”

“Bye-bye!”

I was out fast.

*****************************

Mom’s knocking on the door awakened me, but there was also the aroma of her borshch, my favorite soup, and her famous mushroom- and potato-filled pieroshkis.

“So is мой Саша hungry now?” she asked, bringing a tray of food into the bedroom. Mom did not get to dote on me very often, so I would indulge her and operate in little boy mode for a while. Anyway, I had already worn a girl’s sweater today, and compared to that, Mom’s doting did not seem quite so embarassing. Besides, her borshch and pieroshkis are more than adequate compensation for any loss of pride.

“Thanks, Mama!” I said as she brought in my late lunch.

“Nurse Banner asked me to bring her your secret recipe for pieroshkis after she saw me this morning.” I told Mom. “Do you think that you could give it to her?”

“Son, you know that’s a long-held family secret. I don’t think it fair to give her our recipe.”

“I know. But she asked and I told her that I would see about it. I did and you declined. I have done what I promised. You simply exercised your right to refuse. So all is as it should be.”

“Oh, my Sasha!” my mother smiled, “so young and already so wise!”

I liked that. She was boosting both her own self-esteem and mine at the same time. The way today had gone so far, I decided that I liked her doting on me in this circumstance. Besides, I thought that she must enjoy it even more than I do.

“Thanks for bringing me lunch.”

“Did you want to drink coffee, tea or something else?”

“A cola would be good for now, Mama.”

“Then I’ll get you one,” she said and quickly turned to go downstairs.

As I picked up my soup spoon, I saw again the French manicure on my fingernails and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, my hands were normal once more. So I started immediately with the borshch. Since savoring my food had helped take my mind off the hallucinations at breakfast, maybe it would do the same now.

“Here it is, Sasha!” Mom announced as she brought me a can of cola and a glass of ice. She popped the tab on the can and poured the beverage slowly, allowing its head of foam to fizzle away, the tiny droplets floating up to my face, tickling my nose. Quickly I attempted to stifle my own laughter, but I was unsuccessful, and a giggle emerged.

“Sasha!” Mom cried, staring wide-eyed at me. “You giggled just like Sonia! I can’t remember you giggling before now.”

I looked at my fingers. No white tips, anyway.

“I laugh all the time, Mom,” I replied, trying to deflect here obvious point.

“I do not mean laughing. I mean giggling as a girl does. You sound the same as your sister.”

For a moment I wished that my father were home. But Papa was in New Orleans on a work project.

“Is it because I’m always with women and girls? I’m always with you, Sonia, Tina, and their friends. Most of my teachers are women. Since Tom and Bill moved away I haven’t spent much time around other boys.”

Tom had lived next door to us and we had been best friends since we were toddlers, until the metallurgical plant closed a year ago and his father, an engineer like my Papa, took a transfer to Pittsburgh. Bill’s dad worked at the same plant but was laid off. He had to move to Idaho for a new job. Guys like Tom and Bill can’t simply be replaced. It takes years to grow friendships like those. We keep in touch by email, but it’s still not the same.

“Well, you and Tina are a nice couple,” Mom reminded me. “She will make you a good wife someday. And you will be a kind and loving husband to her.”

Truth be told, that was what I’d like to happen for Tina and me. But we were really too young. For this to work out, we’d need to stay together as boyfriend and girlfriend for a few years. I really didn’t think that either she or myself had that much patience.

“After college I would hope,” I conceded to Mom.

“She’s a very good friend to your sister. That’s also very important, for your mate to get along well with your family.”

“Well, Sonia did introduce us. So I guess that I appreciate my sister now more than I used to. She could hardly have given me a better gift.” I wanted to stay as agreeable with Mom as I could right then. And honestly I did feel that way about Sonia. We got along nicely now, but sometimes her teasing and practical jokes were still over the top. Nonetheless, Sonia’s introducing me to Tina had made up for many bad feelings over the years. In one evening, Sonia did more to move me into manhood than all the baseball, soccer, and ice hockey games that I’d ever played in. I simply wanted to think as well of my sister as possible.

I recalled my thoughts while talking with Nurse Banner earlier. I felt guilty to have believed that Sonia would set me up for humiliation and even worse that Tina would be a participant. However, it would be consistent with my sister’s past behavior, although such practical jokes are just not Tina’s style.

“I really like Tina, Mom,” I said. “But I’m afraid of something hurting our relationship.”

“Oh? And what would that be?”

The French manicure appeared again on my fingernails.

“I’m afraid that Sonia’s teasing and jokes might go too far with me and Tina. Like this morning at breakfast—do you think Sonia meant it when she said she had a dress or two that would look good on me?”

“Would you be so ashamed if you did wear your sister’s dress. Sonia and Tina wear dresses. So do I. Are dresses so bad to wear?” Mom smiled at me. “You share many of Sonia’s features. Maybe you will look very pretty as a girl?”

The French manicure had vanished again.

“I never meant to say it was bad. But I’m a boy and we’re not supposed to wear dresses. In my hallucinations I’m dressed like Tina. That scares me.”

Mom waited a moment before speaking again.

“Your sister teases you because she loves you. She does it to show her affection. Teasing can only work because she knows and understands you so intimately.”

“But what if she gets Tina teasing me, too?”

“That will mean that you and Tina are meant for each other. The only woman who can ever know a man more intimately than his mother or his sister is his wife. A girl can only tease you like your sister if she loves you as much.”

That was not how I’d ever looked at teasing. Was Mom saying that I wanted Tina to start teasing me? This dating business sounded crazier than I thought.

“I’m still scared at these hallucinations I have of dressing like Tina. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

“I don’t know why you hallucinate about wearing her clothes, except to say that you very much want to be with her. Maybe you should talk to her about it.”

*****************************

Loud knocking on the door startled me awake.

“Sasha, can we come in?” Sis asked. “Or are you being naughty?”

Three girls broke into giggling. Sis was always here and Tina had promised to come. Anytime Sis and Tina were together, the next girl to join them was Debbie.

“Come in,” I announced. “All three of you.”

The door opened and there they stood, carrying an assortment of notebooks and textbooks for me.

“Here’s your homework for a week!” Tina announced. “It should keep you busy when I’m not here!”

Sis and Debbie broke into additional giggles. Absolutely, I had to be blushing at this point. My face should be as red as Mom’s borshch now.

“Deb,” my sister spoke up, “do you have a shade of blush that would look pretty on his cheeks?”

“None that would be any brighter than his own,” Debbie answered Sis, giggling. “But I have some darker shades of lipstick that would match his color nicely.”

All of the girls giggled again.

“Leave the books on the desk,” I told them. “And I don’t need any lipstick. If you’re thinking of some weird joke to play on me, please be so kind to wait until I’m back to normal.”

“That would take forever!” my sister whined. Tina and Debbie giggled at her remark.

Tina turned to Sis and Debbie. “Would you guys leave us alone for a few minutes?”

“Will you take pictures or should we?” Debbie snickered.

“Guys!” Tina sang out in a frustrated tone.

“All right we’re going,” my sister said as she closed the door behind her and Debbie.

A moment later, Tina sat down on the edge of the bed.

“What was in your hallucinations, Sasha?” she asked.

“First, you have to promise not to laugh at me. It may sound funny or silly to you, but to me it’s very confusing and most disturbing.”

“You have my promise. I won’t laugh, even if it’s funny,” she said.

After Tina promised not to laugh, I felt safer disclosing my hallucinations to her.

“My hallucinations are about you and me,” I began, “about us, but in a strange way. I see myself dressed like you, wearing matching clothes.”

“We were wearing matching clothes this morning,” Tina recalled. “We wore the same style and color top and your blue jeans matched my skirt.”

“But there’s more than that. I see myself wearing the red shirt, a denim miniskirt, hose, and high heels almost like yours. They don’t have the bows. And I have a French manicure like yours.”

“That is strange,” Tina answered. “What else?”

“On the bus this morning, when you put your pink sweater around my shoulders and took my hand, we wore matching wedding and engagement rings.”

Tina just stared and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Yeah. It scares me too. The wedding rings were the scariest of all the hallucinations. And they were for our marriage. Somehow I knew that. We had both matching wedding bands and engagement rings. But they weren’t his-and-hers; they were both a ladies’ style. And I have a feeling that somehow my dressing like you is also connected with our marriage.”

“That’s really weird, Sasha,” Tina said in a subdued and concerned voice.

“I know, but there’s more,” I continued. “This morning at breakfast, I heard you say that I looked pretty when I dressed up like a girl, but that was before you arrived and had tea with us. Do you think that, by the way?”

“I don’t know,” she asnswered. “Sonia tells me that she’s always been curious how you’d look as a girl. She thinks you’d be as pretty as she is. I only wonder when she talks about it. But given your size and build, legs and hands, your face, lips, eyes, and hair—Yes! I think you could do it!”

“She frequently teases me about it.”

“I know. She hopes against all odds that someday you may take her up on it. She was just a little jealous, when I got you to wear my pink sweater today,” Tina grinned softly at me.

“I’m always afraid that Sis may try to set a joke up to leave me in drag somewhere and totally embarass me.”

“I shouldn’t tell you this, perhaps,” Tina began, “but she has thought up some creative strategies for just that. But I can’t imagine her actually doing it because she’s afraid of really humiliating you. She wants to see you happily dressed up as a girl and enjoying it with her, like you were sisters.”

What Tina had just told me was a huge relief in one way, but even more disturbing in another. Maybe I’m not the only one in my family with a screw loose?

“Thanks for telling me, Tina,” I said. “It’s a relief to know that this was not some practical joke Sis set me up for. And I was afraid she might try enlist you in it, too.”

“Not to worry!” Tina assured me. “I’m not very good at playing jokes on anyone. Your sister is so much more creative at it than anyone else I know.”

“While it’s nice to know that Sonia isn’t setting me up for another joke, that was my only other explanation for what’s happening to me. That means I’m really hallucinating. Mom says it’s because I really got it bad for you.”

Smiling and blushing, Tina fell forward on the bed to embrace me. Suddenly we were in a deep, passionate kiss.

“Sounds like you’re close to losing it when I’m not with you!” she teased, smiling. “And you even want to wear my clothes next to you when I’m not here! That’s so sweet, you naughty boy!”

That was at least somewhat true, that I hallucinated about her when she was absent. But I was hallucinating also about her when she’s right here in front of me or sitting next to me on the bus. And in the hallucinations, I wore clothes like hers, but I didn’t know if they were hers.

“Nurse Banner says I gotta see the school psychologist next. She’ll hafta come and talk here, ’cause I can’t go back to school until someone in the system agrees it’s safe for me to return.”

“That sucks!” Tina remarked.

“Yeah, it does!”

I noticed the French manicure on my nails again.

“See it?” I showed Tina my hand.

“Of course. We had them done together,” she said.

“So it doesn’t bother you, then?” I asked.

“What doesn’t bother me?”

“The French—never mind!” I said, noting the white tips had disappeared again. “My manicure had reappeared and you very briefly acknowledged it,” I explained.

“But I didn’t!” Tina objected to me.

“In the hallucination you did.”

“You mean you just had another one, right here, right now?”

“Yeah!”

“That’s so freaky!” she exclaimed, wide-eyed.

“You’re not kidding!” I put it to her, “How d’ya think I feel about it?”

“I’m so sorry, my dear Sasha!” Tina pouted, putting her arm around me. “My poor Baby, is there anything I can do for you?”

“Just be with me and hold me,” I told her. At least this was for real.

*****************************

Sonia, Tina, and Debbie spent the remaining afternoon studying, then stopped to eat. I stayed in my room to sleep and thus avoid any more hallucinations. Or at least I could dismiss them merely as dreams. But I, too, was called down to eat. Mom served more of her borshch and pieroshkis for supper and then we went to a nearby ice cream shop for dessert. Tina and I went with Mom, while Sonia rode with Debbie.

I simply put on the clothes that I had worn in the morning, but I saw and felt my blue jeans and sneakers alternate with a miniskirt, hose, and pumps. Tina sat next to me and didn’t let go of my hand during the ride. Nor would I let go of hers.

We all ordered our favorite ice cream desserts. Tina and I shared a sundae with chocolate fudge and brownies between us. I sat as close to her as the molded plastic seats would allow. Then she hooked her ankle around mine and while we sat like that, the hallucinations seemed to stop.

After we had finished our ice cream, Tina and I started enjoying each other again until we were afraid Mom was going to separate us. Tina and I said our goodbyes for the evening and she rode home with Debbie. Sis and I would go home with Mom.

As Sonia and I got in the car, I turned to her. “Sis, thanks for introducing me to Tina. You’re a great sister. I love you.” I kissed her cheek.

She turned to me, tears welled-up in her eyes. “I love you, too, Li’l Brother. And Tina’s my friend. I’m so happy this is working out for the both of you. I just have such a good feeling about the two of you together.”

“That’s reassuring, Sis,” I confessed worriedly. “because I have a feeling, that in the next few days, whatever’s causing these hallucinations is going to push me where I don’t want to go. Please remind Tina and Mom of what you just said. And remind me whenever I seem the most desperate.”

“Sasha, what’s wrong?” Sonia asked.

“I don’t really know, Sis. I don’t really know.”