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~* But I'm (NOT!) A Cheerleader! *~ Jennifer laughed as she waved at the petite auburn-haired woman in gym shorts and a white t-shirt bearing a pink silhouette of a dancer, with the scrawl “School Spirit!” prominently printed in the same coloring. Apparently she had been sitting with the girls just watching us this whole time. “Alright, Jennifer and…” she began, nodding toward me for my name. “Robin,” Jennifer answered for me, grinning. “Robin! Take your seats and we’ll get started.” “Um… Get started?” I asked, confused. She gave me a blank stare. “For cheer tryouts?” “Oh, I’m not here for cheerleading.” I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “I just came with Jen to blow off some steam. I’ll just go change now.” “Hang on a second!” the woman called after me, causing me to pause and slowly turn back.

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“Smith, get in there!” Coach Wilson shouted. I nervously ran onto the court, the crowd cheering ‘Robin! Robin! Robin!’ as I took my place near Chelsea, waiting for the tip-off. The girl from the other team knocked the ball to one of her teammates and the game was on. After a lucky three-pointer, we recovered the ball and I suddenly found myself with possession. I ran down the court like a girl possessed, the crowd going wild as I shot from just beyond the free-throw line.

“Robin! Robin!” Mom’s voice roused me from my slumber. I blinked several times. “Robin! Your alarm went off ten minutes ago, sweetheart.”

I sat up, groaned, and immediately fell back against my pillow with a long, drawn-out sigh, the vibration causing Mister Kensington, who had been precariously perched on the edge of my bed, to tumble onto the floor. Another dream; what WAS it with me and basketball all of a sudden? This was the fourth time this week I’d had that dream, and it was only Friday!

I reluctantly crawled out of bed and, after picking up my stuffed companion and returning him to his prized spot on my bed, I set about getting ready for school. I decided to keep it simple today and just wear my favorite blue top with the lace embroidery, and paired it with a knee-length white spaghetti-strap jumper. I plodded down the stairs, the sounds of fried food sizzling in the pan mingling with the scent of a fresh, fried egg assaulting my senses.

“God that smells heavenly,” I spoke a bit more cheerfully, for a moment forgetting the impending school board drama as I entered the kitchen. Nothing had been officially decided yet, but Mom, Margie, Joe, Carol, and Margie’s attorney had been in ‘discussion’ earlier in the week about how to approach challenging the school board’s ruling.

Mom smiled and put her arm around me, kissing my forehead, “Rough night?”

I nodded. “I just want to be a normal girl. Why is that so wrong?”

She held me close as she kissed my forehead again. “Sweetheart, nobody’s ‘normal’ – take it from an ex-emergency room nurse. There are far, FAR worse things than being my beautiful daughter. It still boggles my mind how a human being can mindlessly shoot another human being over a pair of shoes, for example. I’m so glad you wanted to move some place safe like this.” The irony of those words would hit me later that day, but for now, I had breakfast to eat!

I thought about what she said as we sat down to eat breakfast. She had a valid point, but it didn’t make things any easier on me. I had already been accepted, even welcomed as Robin by my classmates, friends, and even hit on by more than one boy this week. Would they all feel the same if the school board opened up its record about why they were holding their hearing Monday? All it would take is one jealous student like that vapid girl last Monday for my entire reputation, my entire life to be ruined!

I washed down my breakfast with a glass of milk and resolved not to worry about it for now. I could talk with Doctor Ketz about my feelings in therapy the next day, so for now, I raced out the door to meet Allison.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty,” she teased as she climbed into the front seat of Carol’s SUV. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d need to come check on you. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just having trouble waking up lately.” I smiled sleepily. “I’ll talk to Barbara about it tomorrow though.”

“You know, I was chatting with Chelsea yesterday while you were getting changed for P.E., and she asked if I’d talk to you about reconsidering her offer. She also wanted me to try and goad you into cheerleading.” Allison giggled, seeing me turn a shade paler at the thought. “For what it’s worth you’d make a cute cheerleader, but most girls have a gymnastics background like Jen.”

“That’s what I was about to say,” I laughed, relieved. “I mean, just like with basketball I’m not AGAINST the idea; I just know I couldn’t keep up with cheerleading, school, Kenpo, AND sports, if I were even allowed to participate. There’s a meeting Monday to discuss it. I hope I’m making the right decision.”

“You are, Robin, if this is what you want,” Carol interrupted as she fished out the keys from her purse. I nodded slowly as I pulled my seatbelt across and settled in for the ride.

After meeting up with the other girls in front of the school, we walked up the stairs together, stepping inside. I suddenly felt as though someone were standing behind me, and spun around to find myself face to face with the boy who held the elevator for me when I was in the hospital at the start of the summer. He gave a ‘Mister cool’ half-smile, but before I could say anything, Nicole practically shouted.

“Jason! What the HELL do you want now?”

He sneered at her, “Did I say I wanted to talk to you? Piss off. I wanted to talk to your friend here.”

I wanted to punch him. “YOU’RE Jason? I have nothing to say to you.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. Suddenly, I found myself standing a few feet away with a security guard trying to get my attention. Jason was lying on the floor, staring stunned at the two of us. Silence permeated the entire hall as I found myself being walked to the office while someone else, I presumed another security person, dealt with Jason.

I meekly stared up at the tall, broad-shouldered, middle-aged man. “I’m sorry. I just… reacted. He grabbed me and, I don’t know…” I wanted to cry, but he offered me a smile.

“Ms. Smith here was just accosted by another student.” He spoke in a surprisingly gentle tone for his size and mass, to the school secretary. She gave me a soft frown

“Are you alright?” she asked. I shook my head.

“It all happened so fast. I mean, one second he was grabbing me, the next, he was on the ground and I was being escorted away.”

“Jason totally started it,” Nicole chimed in from behind us. I hadn’t even realized they’d followed us. She proceeded to explain the events leading to the incident as she wrapped me in a comforting and entirely friendly/platonic hug from the side.

The secretary nodded as she listened. I just stood there. For me, I had absolutely no memory of the ten seconds it took for all this to occur. I had been busy reliving the Raggedy Man incident earlier this summer, fighting tears the whole time. I thought I had gotten over it. I hadn’t.

When Nicole finished, the security officer asked us a few more questions and sent us off to class. I thought about calling Margie to come get me, but I knew if I left now, I’d never live this down, so I took a few minutes to compose myself, then went to my first class.

By the time AP English rolled around, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE had heard what I did to Jason. Coach Wilson flagged me down as I neared my next class. “Robin, I need you to come with me,” she stated gently.

I nodded, and followed her down to the school office. She led me into the Principal’s office, where a portly, balding middle-aged man in a white dress shirt with a hideously tacky yellow tie awaited. He watched me sit then leaned forward, Coach Wilson standing off to one side with her arms folded.

“Robin Smith… I’ve been hearing reports from several teachers that their students have been gossiping about you beating up another student. I’ve looked at the incident report, but would you mind telling me in your own words what happened?”

My eyes widened. “What? Hold on a minute, if this is about Jason, I didn’t beat him up. I’m told I used one of the defensive throws I was taught in my Kenpo classes, but I honestly don’t remember.” Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I explained things from my perspective, how Jason’s so violently violating my personal space had brought back some bad memories from the summer.

“I’m really sorry if I broke a rule or something. It all just happened so fast. And Jason is not a nice guy anyway. He tried to get my best friend Nikki on drugs before I came here this summer.” Both Coach and the apparent Principal, one Matthew Rochelle judging by the nameplate on his desk, arched their brows in unison. “I don’t want, or need, the kind of trouble a guy like that brings.”

By now Coach Wilson had come over and put a comforting arm around me as she gave me a tissue. Principal Rochelle looked like the proverbial cat in a roomful of rocking chairs as he realized the minefield he had just entered. He slowly retrieved a pad from his desk, writing something out and handing it to me. A hall pass, by the look of it, personally notarized by him. “I’m sorry, Ms. Smith.” He offered, giving Coach Wilson an awkward, nervous glance. She knew exactly what he meant by that, leading me out of his office.

She led me down to the faculty restroom so I could make myself presentable in private, and while washing my face, I looked up at her reflection in the mirror, breaking the calm silence that had fallen over us. “Coach? Why did you come find me anyway?”

She smiled back at me, folding her arms casually. “I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t because I’m trying to win you over, Robin. For what it’s worth Matt really does feel badly for bringing this up like this. I don’t think either of us realized just how deeply this affected you. I’m sorry.”

I smiled a little, “It’s okay. I’ve been dealing with it in therapy for months, but my therapist says it’s something I’m just going to have to learn to cope with in my own time. Hey, um, Coach? Do you know?”

“Know what?”

“… Why I can’t play sports?”

She nodded, “We staff have all been informed. For what it’s worth I think it’s a stupid rule that deserves to be challenged. You’ve got a right to play just like every other girl in this school.”

After checking my hair, I turned to hug her. “Thanks Coach. … For everything. The school board meeting's Monday, so I’ll know by Monday afternoon if I can play.”

As I entered AP English, Mrs. Ellis, our pretty young fresh-out-of-college teacher of the medium-length raven locks and five-foot frame abruptly paused mid-sentence. Her big brown eyes settled directly on me.

“Sorry I’m late, ma’am. Principal Rochelle wanted a word with me.” I handed her the note, and quickly took my seat. She glanced at it, then back at me.

“Is everything alright?”

I smiled wryly as I nodded. “Yeah. Um, someone tried to pick a fight with me this morning, but it’s okay. If he tries anything again campus security will deal with it,” I offered.

She chewed her lower lip in thought for a moment and nodded. “Right. We’re presently discussing Shakespeare and his impact on modern literature. Come see me after class if you’d like a copy of my lecture notes on what you missed. Moving right along,” she continued her lecture.

“Uh, Robin? Is it true you broke Jason Beaumont’s arm?” I heard Bobby Nelson whisper from behind me.

I turned, staring at him. “What? No! I put him on his ass for grabbing me, but I didn’t hurt him, unless you count hurting his pride.”

He nodded, seeming to think about that for a moment, then smiled. “Cool. Sorry about Monday by the way,” he muttered half-heartedly. I couldn’t help smiling a little.

“Sorry about being so rude to you on Monday. I was just super-nervous about the new school and stuff. … Listen, I know a cute girl that has a huge crush on you if you want me to talk to her…”

His eyes lit up at that, and he nodded, returning to his note-taking.

I breathed a relieved sigh as the last bell rang. I made it through the first week with only a little bit of trouble. I couldn’t help wondering though, as I walked to the gym with Jennifer and Allison, if I was setting myself up for a fall with what I did to Jason.

Jennifer had talked me into coming to shoot some hoops with her while we waited for tryouts to begin. Today marked the preliminary cheer tryouts, and while I had absolutely no intention of trying out, Jennifer seemed a shoe-in for varsity. I slipped into the coaches’ private office and shower area to change into my gym clothes since there was absolutely no way I was going to risk ruining my favorite dress just to blow off some steam.

I really should have thought this whole decision through better. As we goofed around shooting baskets, it developed into a more competitive one on one match. More girls there for tryouts began to gather on the bleachers with Allison, watching us.

I must reiterate right now that I’d never played sports a day in my life before that week, but thanks to Allison’s coaching, coupled with two weeks at Girl Scout camp, I at least had managed to get into a lot better shape over the summer, allowing me to keep up with Jennifer, even if she had been ahead by two points in our friendly game.

A loud whistle blew, catching both of our attention just as I threw the ball out for an attempted three-point shot. The ball bounced off the rim, narrowly missing smacking Jennifer by a few inches.

“Eek! Sorry!”

Jennifer laughed as she waved at the petite auburn-haired woman in gym shorts and a white t-shirt bearing a pink silhouette of a dancer, with the scrawl “School Spirit!” prominently printed in the same coloring. Apparently she had been sitting with the girls just watching us this whole time.

“Alright, Jennifer and…” she began, nodding toward me for my name.

“Robin,” Jennifer answered for me, grinning.

“Robin! Take your seats and we’ll get started.”

“Um… Get started?” I asked, confused. She gave me a blank stare. “For cheer tryouts?”

“Oh, I’m not here for cheerleading.” I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “I just came with Jen to blow off some steam. I’ll just go change now.” I waved, turning to run off toward the coach’s office.

“Hang on a second!” the woman called after me, causing me to pause and slowly turn back. “Chelsea told me she saw you take out Jason Beaumont this morning. Is that true?”

I gave a wry smile as I approached her. “Yeah, kind of,” I responded sheepishly, and proceeded to, for the TWELFTH time that day, explain how this whole ‘karate super-kid’ rumor began. When I finished, she sized me up and nodded.

“You don’t have any gymnastics training do you?”

I shook my head quickly. “I’ve been taking Kenpo lessons from Ashton Rogers for almost a month now, but before this summer I didn’t even go jogging.” I shrugged a little. She continued to stare at me for a long moment.

“Well, it’s a real shame you’re not interested. You have a great look, and you’re confident enough to stand up for yourself. You’d make a great cheerleader.”

Before I could correct her that the ‘standing up for myself’ part was pure instinct, Jennifer added, “At Girl Scout Camp we bunked with a cheerleader from another division who told us Robin was the most spirited girl she’d ever met.”

“That’s how she got the CIT nickname ‘Spirit’ too,” Allison piped up from the stands. I glanced between the three of them, growing more uneasy as I realized where this conversation was going.

The as-yet unnamed woman gave me a surprised stare at that, “Spirit? YOU’RE Spirit?!”

I bit my lip. “Um… yes?”

She grinned proudly, “Robin, I don’t know quite how to tell you this. My name is Angela Greer. You met my sister-in-law Meredith and my daughter Amanda already. Are you sure you won’t at least try? I’m going to have our former Captain going through the motions once for the other new girls as well, so it’s not like you’ll go into it blind, but if you really aren’t interested I understand.”

I thought it over for a moment. What did I have to lose, other than my dignity? I’d already robbed Jason of his this morning, so it seemed cosmic balance that I lose mine. Plus it could be fun! I finally nodded, smiling at her. “Okay.”

She pointed, with a broad smile, to the bleachers. “Sit, sit, sit! We’re running behind!” She reached back for the bleachers, picking up her clipboard. “Chelsea, you’re up!”

I heaved a nervous sigh as the other girls either gave me nervous stares, or outright glared. One of them hissed at me, “Teacher’s pet!” By now Allison had slipped out to call home and let Mom know I’d be late, so without her there to gallantly defend me, I shook my head.

“You’re overreacting. I looked out for her daughter at camp, but I didn’t even know I was going to be coming to school here this year, I swear!”

“Whatevs, valley girl. Just stay out of my way.”

Jennifer had heard enough and elbowed the girl. “Can it Stacey. Robin’s my friend, and you already know what she did to the last person to threaten her,” she grinned broadly. “On the OTHER hand she’s also the nicest person you’ll ever meet if you’re nice to her.”

The brunette identified as Stacey just rolled her eyes. I couldn’t help seeing a little bit of Andrea in her; I already didn’t like her. Meanwhile Chelsea, the All-American super-babe as Jennifer had so eloquently put it, proceeded to demonstrate the proper technique for each move as Angela called it out. After Chelsea took her seat, Angela proceeded down the list of names.

Allison had only just returned when she called my name. I hesitantly stood and moved to position. I couldn’t help feeling completely ridiculous as I missed steps, moved awkwardly from one move to another or performed the wrong move entirely, but I still found it kind of fun, if very strenuous! It seemed like her drilling me went on longer than it had for the other girls, including those who were just as bad as me, though it was probably just nerves.

Finally, she announced, “Alright, you can sit.”

I walked slowly back to the bleachers as I mopped some sweat from my brow with my hand. Even my scrunchie was slightly moist from the run-off sweat. Stacey actually cracked a smile as I sat. I was just WAITING for her to say something snide.

“Not bad, valley girl,” she smirked. “You looked like someone doused you in gasoline and lit a match, but I’ve seen worse, including lard lass over there. No way you’ll make it, but you’ve got the guts to try. I’m sure someone cares about that.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes, and Allison slid closer to me and squeezed my hand. She seemed to be choosing to ignore Stacey’s comments, so I let them slide, turning my attention to my friend instead. “I’d hug you, but I am seriously in need of a shower first.” I teased. Jennifer laughed.

“Hey, you tried, and you’re having fun right?”

“Absolutely. That was a blast.”

Not surprisingly, I didn’t make the cut for the squad, but I did have fun trying out. Jennifer, Allison and I got up and started walking toward the coaches’ offices so I could shower. The other two stood outside and waited for me, and even Coach Greer was kind enough to respect my privacy, hanging back and chatting with the girls outside.

I looked like a drowned rat when I emerged in my street clothes again, duffle bag full of sweaty gym clothes slung over my shoulder, but I felt incredible. I stepped out of the Lady Coaches’ offices to find Coaches Wilson and Greer chatting right outside, with Allison and Jennifer nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, Robin, I was just chatting with Steph here about your tryouts.”

I couldn’t help myself, and laughed. “I like how Stacey put it. She said I looked like I had been lit on fire.”

Coach Wilson cracked a smile. She tried hard not to laugh, but I shook my head, “Go ahead and laugh – it’s true!” I giggled, “I didn’t even want to try out at first because I’ve never had any experience with this sort of thing. I do have a new respect for what these girls put themselves through though. Depending on whether or not I sign up for more than one session of resident camp with the Girl Scouts next year, I might attend a cheer camp, maybe start gymnastics if I can’t play basketball.”

I looked around, suddenly aware that my friends were nowhere to be seen. “Where’d Jen and Ally go?”

“I believe they went to get a soda,” Angela offered.

“We promised to guard the door for you,” Coach Wilson added with a grin. I smiled at both as I reshouldered my duffle bag. “Well, I’m going to go see if I can find them. Thanks for asking me to try out Ms. Greer.”

“Call me Angela, dear: ‘Coach’ during school hours.” She winked.

I had no sooner stepped out of the gym than I heard a familiar, angry voice from around the blind corner.

“So, you think you’re so awesome, huh?” Jason snarled as he stepped around, followed by another boy I didn’t recognize. “Little bitch!”

“Look, I’m sorry for embarrassing you, but you shouldn’t have grabbed me-”

“Shut up you little whore! Nobody humiliates me and gets away with it!”

He lunged at me and I darted to the right, smacking him with my duffle bag. He let out a grunt as the other boy grabbed me by the arm. I screamed as loudly as I could, bringing my knee up trying to hit him in the groin. He leapt back, and Jason took a swing at me. Coaches Wilson and Greer came running out of the lobby followed by a couple of girls who had just finished showering. The two boys immediately took off running.

“Robin, what happened?!” Coach Wilson exclaimed as she ran up to me. I shook my head slowly, still in shock from the attack. They both put their arms around me and led me back inside. Stacey, standing outside the coaches’ office and slurping a diet soda watched us approach and stepped back neutrally. I sat on the small, dark brown sofa and buried my face in my hands.

“Jason Beaumont and another boy jumped me,” I offered as tears began streaming. Angela practically scowled as she sat on the sofa and put her arms around me. I tried to control myself, but I couldn’t help being reminded of the Raggedy Man incident for the second time that day. Jennifer, Allison, and about ten other girls who heard the commotion and came running all crowded around the door.

“Robin! Oh my God I’m going to kill whoever did this to you!” Allison shrieked as she pushed her way over and knelt to hug me.

“It was Jason, Ally,” I responded quietly, trying to get my emotions under control. “He and another boy ambushed me as I was leaving the gym. I tried to get away just like Josh taught me.”

“I’ll talk to the school resource officer,” Coach Wilson offered. “I won’t have bullying on this campus, especially two little punks thinking they can just gang up on a girl like this.”

“Thanks Coach. I’d better get home. I’ve got to get ready for Kenpo.”

Allison laughed, “You’ve got to be kidding!”

“No, I signed up for this, and Sensei Rogers deserves to hear what happened from me. I need to know from him directly if he thinks I made a mistake with Jason. I just… I need some spiritual guidance.” I managed a smile as I stood, Jennifer and Allison wrapping me in a hug, and Allison handing off a red cream soda.

“Here. You’ve earned a treat.”

I smiled a little as I accepted the sugary sweet drink. Shopping and red cream soda are simultaneously the answer to all life’s problems, if only temporarily.

Later that night, Sensei and I sat on the floor across from each other in our semi-private storage room training area … thing. He listened thoughtfully as I told him everything that happened that day, with emphasis on my two encounters with Jason.

“I feel as though I’m responsible for this, Sensei. I should have been more discrete before resorting to what you taught me. It’s just… In that one split second, I think I saw the raggedy man in Jason, and instinct took over. I really didn’t hurt him, but the WHOLE school couldn’t stop talking about it.” I sighed softly as I bowed forward in deference to him. “I’m sorry, Sensei. I feel like I’ve already failed you.”

He stroked his neatly trimmed beard as he contemplated what I’d said. I sat nervously, only now beginning to notice in our mutual silence, the soft oriental music drifting over the PA system speaker that hung above the door.

“Do you feel like you ‘won’ today?”

I immediately shook my head. “No. I feel like I should have been way more discrete to begin with, then he might’ve never tried to attack me this afternoon. I feel like I’m just lucky to be alive.”

“All things in life are connected. Every decision we make branches out with its own consequences, however, it’s impossible for you to know with absolute certainty how things might have gone differently; it‘s good that you don’t see this as a victory, but it wasn’t a defeat either.

“It was an encounter between a bright student and an aggressive bully. Robin, if I didn’t believe you would use my lessons purely to protect yourself, I wouldn’t have taken you on as a student. You reacted to a threat: an invasion of your personal space. Don’t blame yourself because he decided to be stupid.” He winked at me and smiled as he stood and offered me his hand.

I quickly took it, pulling myself up and bowed. “Thank you, Sensei. That helps so much.”

He motioned toward the main room of the dojo. “If you’re certain you feel well enough, the rest of the class is waiting to hear of your harrowing encounter, and then I have a few more things I’d like to show you all tonight.”

Later that night I lay on my bed, foregoing writing in my diary in favor of squeezing Mister Kensington close to me. My old phone had finally died on me last week, but since the contract was due to expire anyway I replaced it with a cute pink pre-paid Samsung with caller ID, call waiting, and even a camera function.

The new phone started to ring, but I didn’t answer it. Eight rings later, my voicemail automatically picked it up, though whoever it was called again. I sighed, sitting up and grabbing the annoying device from my nightstand. I immediately brightened on seeing Nicole’s number on the screen.

“Hey Nikki,” I tried to sound warm despite my dour mood.

“Hey you,” Nicole answered cheerfully. I had called before Kenpo to talk to her about what had happened, but unfortunately we didn’t have long to chat. I forgot to call her back. I quickly started piling up my pillows, propping my back against them. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, feeling kind of down about all this … And Nikki? I … I know this is going to sound completely insane, but I think I might be why Jason dumped you.”

She started laughing, but stopped when she realized I wasn’t laughing too. “Wait, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Remember how awhile ago, Allison and I were laughing about this cute guy that held the elevator for me, how he probably thought I was flirting with him? I don’t know what the heck he was doing in the hospital that day, but it was definitely him. I think maybe he remembered me which is why he probably wanted to talk to me this morning.”

“Ohmygawd,” she giggled. “I mean, you’re right that it’s probably coincidence, but… Well you’ve seen what he’s like. It could’ve been me he jumped instead of you and unlike you, I’m not a ninja.”

“But you do look sexy in black,” I teased, causing her another giggle.

“I love you Robin. Do you have to see Doc Ketz tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. She needs to know about the attack and stuff, and I have another checkup with the Endo, which means more blood tests. I hate needles,” I whined.

“Poor baby,” she cooed, then added, “Crap. Mom’s yelling at me to get off the phone. G’night cutie.”

“Sweet dreams, vampire,” I teased back, turning off my phone. I slowly slid off the bed and, after changing into my pajamas, curled up under the covers with Mister Kensington. Blackness followed.

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