I Woke, Part 10

I panicked. My day started by going to the courthouse for the opening of the trial of the attacker of Allison Allen. I had been stuck in her body for months, and I felt my chance to get some justice for her was failing.

I had gotten a sneak peak at the Crown’s case against this young man, and without some miracle, I felt it was at best a 50-50 chance to get a conviction. Sitting in the courtroom while we waited for our case to be heard, I got a crash course in how our law works. It was very different from what the American TV shows portrayed.

It was very formal, stilted, and much calmer than I had expected. I was on edge, and then our case was called, and for the first time as Allison, I was faced with her attacker, who was a fellow student, and in fact had been Allison’s boyfriend. I started to shake uncontrollably when he came into the room, and when he stood up to make the plea of “not guilty”, I went into a flashback.

I had been having nightmares about her attack, but for the first time I was having the memory while I was awake, but it was far too intense for me to handle. It was like it was happening at that moment, I was being pinned, I could feel his weight, the heat from his breath, the horrible way a face Allison had come to love and trust became twisted into a mask of rage.

Next thing I knew, I was outside the courtroom, with Allison’s mom holding me tight while I cried. I gained control of myself, but Allison’s mom decided we should go home, as there was nothing we needed to see for now. We got up to leave, when a boy came up to me, and I recognized him as a classmate and he came close, and pressed a note into my hand, and just left.

I opened the note, and it said stay strong. You are not the only one. I had no idea what that could mean, and was too upset to really think about it at the moment, so we went home. Something about that boy nagged at me, something familiar to me. Since I started remembering Allison’s life, I had feared that I would lose my memories of my old one, and at that moment the fear came back very strong.

What about that young man reminded me of something from my past? Then I realized he had been the only boy in weeks who could approach me without me panicking I thought, “Could that mean . . . “ At that moment, I remembered. The question was, what could I do about it?

Trying desperately to think of a solution, I finally fell asleep. The next day, I went back to school, as Allison’s folks decided there was nothing for me to do there, unless they decided to call me to testify. Allison’s friends Nicky and Lisa continued to act as my bodyguards, trying to keep me stable.

Allison’s main rival for Valedictorian had stopped talking about me in public since my struggle to keep together was so obvious that she apparently decided that it would be like kicking a puppy, but the “net was full of rumours that probably came from her or her friends, so I had decided to stay off-line for now.

Not being able to socialize, I really had put a lot of effort into Allison’s schoolwork, and felt sure that even if I had to take off time because of the trial, I was sure to be one of the top students. The boy who had given me the note was in Allison’s drama class, and I really wanted to talk to him, but it turned out, he wasn’t there that day.

I was really frustrated. Somewhere in this mess was a solution, but I couldn’t seem to find it. After school, I made my way to my old residence, hoping to catch my mom before she went to the hospital to sit with my old body. She was home, and I decided I needed to take a bit of a chance. I couldn’t tell her I was actually her son in this girl’s body, but maybe I could bluff something.

So I said to her, “Mrs. Collins, I was surfing the other day, and I looked up Mark. There was very little, but it did say he was a poet and author, but no listings of any works. Did he write? Can I see some?” She looked at me hard. “I know you have felt some connection to Mark, but I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to let him go. The past is . . The past. It’s too late to help him now.”

I wanted to scream at her “Tell the truth! Face who and what your child was, for once!” But coming from Allison, that would only confuse and upset her. I left, frustrated. I couldn’t find the boy.

I couldn’t get my mother’s help, and it seemed sure to me that Allison’s attacker was going to go free, and I will have failed her. I needed something to go my way. I felt like I needed a miracle.

Not sure what else to do, I went home, and logged on to Allison’s computer. Maybe I could do this another way. I went to a site that I had submitted poetry to as Mark. But it was down for repairs, so I would have try again tomorrow. I went to bed extremely frustrated.

The next day, I had an idea, if that boy showed up. As an act of faith, I wrote a note for him, and went to school. I got lucky, and he was there, and I managed to slip him the note. It read “please. He is going to get away with it. Meet me tomorrow after school.”

What I would say to him then I was not sure, but I was prepared to give away my secret in exchange for his. The rest of the day was uneventful, and I went home, still unsure of myself. To my great shock, Allison’s mom and my mom were together, talking.

My mom said to me “Allison, I had a dream last night. Mark told me he couldn’t rest until I gave you this. Please take care how you use it.” Then she handed me a binder, and left. I knew what it was without looking inside, it was my life, as Mark. Now I felt like I had a chance, if only the boy would meet me.

He was at school, and just when I was ready to lose hope, he showed up outside the door after classes. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, but he said to me, “I have been dreaming of you since just after your attack. In my dreams, you have been begging me to help you. But you don’t understand what that will cost me.”

“ I think I do.” I said. I showed him the binder I had gotten from my mom. “Let me tell you a story,” I said, “There was a boy with a secret, something that set him apart, left him feeling isolated and alone. Then one day he thought he found someone he could trust, and shared his secret with that person. Except that person betrayed the boy, hurt him, and used his fear of having his secret revealed to force him to keep quiet.”

“ So the boy didn’t do anything about what had happened to him, and the person went on to hurt other people. When the boy found out about the others, he blamed himself, and never really felt good afterward. This pain and sorrow remained right until the day he stopped to pick up a girl fleeing from an attacker of her own, and his life effectively ended.”

“Read his story, and I think I know what you will need to do. “ I said. And I gave him the binder, and left to go home. I couldn’t sleep that night. Was I right? I had only been guessing that he had something in common with my life as Mark.

And even if he did, could he find the courage I had lacked and do the right thing? The next day, I went to class, and was disappointed to find that the boy hadn’t shown up. I was so depressed, that even Allison’s friends Nicky and Lisa could make a dent in my sadness.

I had failed Allison, just like I had failed as Mark . .. . Slowly, I made my way to Allison’s home. It was Friday, and I stewed the whole weekend. I was totally at a loss to know what to do. But, Monday, I was on my way to my second class of the day when Allison’s name was paged to go to the office.

I was shocked to find Allison’s mom there, and she told me there was a break in the case against my attacker, a new witness had come forward and was going to testify that afternoon. We went to the courthouse,, and I listened with pride as the boy, whose name was Tim, told his story.

The defence moved to change the plea, and by the end of day it was clear that my attacker was going to go away for a very long time. I went up to Tim, and hugged him.

“You were very brave” I said. “I don’t know what my folks are going to say” He said. “Plus, its going to come out at school too. I saw one of Silvia’s friends in the back, and she left just after I testified. By tomorrow, everyone at school is going to know.”

“Well,” I said.” you wont be going through it alone. I will stand by you, if you will let me.” So with Allison’s mom’s permission, I went with him back to his house and supported him when he told his folks what had happened. To his shock, they were very proud of him, and promised me that they would help him deal with what happened, and do anything else he needed so he could be ok. I left them hugging and crying together, and went to Allison’s home.

I phoned Allison’s friends, and told them what happened, and got their support to helping Tim deal with the fallout at school. So the next day, we met him as he was coming in, and stayed with him the whole day. As soon as Silvia and her friends realized we were going to back him up, they got tired of trying to get a rise out of him.

The rest of the week everyone was busy getting ready for finals, and very soon, we were passing around yearbooks getting signatures. We just had a grad ceremony and a dance to go, and high school would be over. I asked Tim, and with the co-operation of his parents, we made it a special day for him. I was voted Valedictorian, and planned to use the speech and the dance to show my support for him.

So at the speech, I said “There is someone here without whom not only would I not be here, but without whom my attacker would have gone free. You have always known him as Tim, but I think its time to introduce the real person within - may I please present, my girlfriend, Tina”

And with her mom’s help, she looked beautiful. And we danced the night away in matching dresses. Unfortunately, I got a call the next day from the hospital, and just made it there in time to witness the passing of my old body. Why had my body held on so long?

Well, I had a dream that night that might explain it, although I can’t be sure. I dreamt that Allison came to me to say “Thank you. I couldn’t rest until I knew that justice was going to be done.“ I said “But, what about taking back your life?“ “I can’t. I could only hold your body together long enough, and that’s all” She said.

“But, I should be the one dead, you have your life ahead of you.“ I said. “It’s ok. We both know why you deserve this, don’t we? And I am going to a place of peace, and you can join me when its your time.“

And so my old life passed away, and I am making the best of this second chance I have been given. I decided to write down what happened to me as part of a course I am taking in sexuality, and so with Tina’s permission, who is still my girlfriend, I am going to submit this to my prof.

I have a feeling he will consider it fiction, but that’s ok too.