Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 911.

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Wuthering Dormice
(aka Bike)
Part 911
by Angharad

Copyright © 2010 Angharad
All Rights Reserved.
  
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The next morning I told the girls about the wedding blessing and they were so excited they were virtually uncontrollable. They all wanted to go trying on dresses and so forth, and I really began to wish I hadn’t agreed to it.

Simon was coming home that day, Saturday, so he’d now be on my case as well. Maybe I could divorce him and become a hermit somewhere in a cave, far away from anyone else. Yeah, a cave in a forest where I could look for dormice and avoid people.

Why did I have to raise the matter of the wedding blessing? Mainly because I thought one of the Camerons would if I didn’t. After breakfast Leon arrived and I asked him to do a bit of tidying in the garden and if the two boys helped, they could do a bike ride after lunch.

Julie offered to help in the garden, but I told her that I had other plans for her. We changed half the beds between us, and Trish and Livivie put the bedding in the machine. I’d given them very precise instructions of how much powder and conditioner to use, and how many bits of bedding to do per wash.

Simon arrived as we were in the middle of it, with Livvie carrying armfuls of washing down the stairs and Trish measuring out cups of detergent and conditioner. Mima was busy emptying the dishwasher and Stella was putting the stuff away, and the house was filled with the aroma of fresh bread–the second loaf, I’d baked that morning.

Simon had been at a banquet or something last night–he did tell me what, not that I’m worried–I trust him, as he does me; so he looked quite tired when he arrived. He stood in the hallway watching our industry and sighing with admiration.

“Hello, darling, “ I said spotting him, I walked straight up to him and kissed him. He sighed and hugged me.

“It was an awful bloody night, the food was horrible and the speeches interminable. I’d much rather have been at home with you and the girls.”

“Don’t forget the boys–they’re here for the long ride, too.”

“Of course–but, I do tend to forget them, I’m sorry.”

“Hello, Daddy,” said Meems finding Simon in the hall.

“Daaaadddeeeee,” whooped my other two child labourers when they heard Mima greeting her daddy. I stood back and he was hit by a landslide of girlery, giggling and demanding his attention. I slipped into the kitchen and switched the kettle on.

Once the initial welcoming tidal wave had been weathered, Simon, Stella, Julie and I had a cuppa and quick chat–then he went upstairs and changed into his workaday clothes and went out to see the boys in the garden.

The girls would have gone too if I’d let them, instead I had them dusting and vacuuming while I made a large pot of soup. I’m sure everyone must think that’s all I can cook, but it is quick and filling. I did a chicken based one this time, with pasta and loads of vegetables–the nice thing is that I can get it going from start to finish and ready for eating in less than an hour.

I got Julie to load the breadmaker, after she removed the previous loaf, and to pop it on again. She hadn’t done it before–Trish was wanting to do it, but she has, and I wanted Julie to learn–I also had her help me with the soup, so again she was learning some homemaker skills.

In fact, Julie did most of it, so when the boys said it tasted good, she could take the credit for it–much to Trish’s chagrin. Which is what happened–the boys, well Leon and Simon–said it was good, and Julie took all the credit. Trish burst into tears and ran off from the table.

I called her back but she refused to come. I walked her back to the table much to everyone’s embarrassment and made her sit down again. “Now, what do you say?”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, “May I leave the table, Mummy?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

She ran off again, still sniffing.

The boys went off to change for cycling, and Julie asked if she go could with them. I told her if she behaved herself, she could. She went to change and to borrow one of my helmets as well as one of my bikes.

“What was all that with Trish?” asked Simon.

“Jealousy, she wanted to say she’d cooked the meal–but it was Julie’s turn to learn.”

“Oh, too many women in the same kitchen”–he smirked.

“Not at all, I gave her another job to do and she did it very well. If you want to cheer her up, say how clean the carpets look–she did the vacuuming.”

“I’ll do that. What’s this about a wedding? Someone we know?”

“No,” I said and smirked.

“So who’s borrowing our kids for bridesmaids, and the boys said they were having to wear kilts.”

I shook my head, “You are tired, Si, aren’t you?”

“Oh God, Stanebury–you’ve finally got round to setting a date?”

“Not quite, but I’m getting there.”

“It’s funny, but I’d forgotten all about it–we seem to have been married forever.”

“I know, terrible isn’t it–however, I promised the girls they could be bridesmaids, and once I set the date, I have to see if I can find the other little girl whom I promised a chance to be one too.”

“Oh in the hospital?”

“Yeah, have to look and see where I put her name and address.”

“Haven’t you asked her yet?” Simon seemed surprised.

“What’s the point–I haven’t sorted out a date yet, have I?”

“Oh, I see–well, you’d better pull your finger out, hadn’t you?”

If I hadn’t seen the twinkle in his eye, I’d have punched him on the nose.

“I see–I thought I’d better consult with my husband, you know–he’s an awkward sod, and is likely to be pre-booked for something else.”

“Like that, is it–have you thought of divorcing him?”

“Yeah, loads of times–but if we split everything down the middle, what am I going to do with all these ‘haploid’ children?”

“Haploid?”

“Well if we divide them properly, he’ll get one set of their chromosomes and I’ll get the other.”

“That completely, eh?”

“Absolutely.”

“Remind me not to marry you,” he said and got up from the table.

“So are we gonna continue living in sin then?” I called after him.

“No–I’ll go back to my first wife.”

“Okay, want me to get you a cab?”

“Yeah–better warn the harem first, ask them to sprinkle a few drops of water on each one of my wives.”

“I know I’m going to hate asking this, but why would they sprinkle water on them?”

“The first one who sizzles, she’s the one I sleep with tonight.”

Oh well, I was quite right about one thing–I wished I hadn’t asked–corny or what?

I waited until he’d gone upstairs to the bedroom and pressed the intercom on the phone.

“Hello?”

“It’s your first wife,” I said.

“Oh put her on.”

“Hello, Simon?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I’ve been talking with your other wives.”

“Oh yes–and?”

“We’d like a pay rise–or a divorce.”

“Um–why?”

“Why not?”

“Fair enough–how much?”

“A bonus of a couple of million, should be enough.”

“I see, is that all?”

“Plus more conjugal rights.”

“If we divorce?” he queried.

“Only up until the divorce–then after the settlement, we’ll be able to buy in conjugal from Tesco or someone.”

“I’d try Marks and Spenser, if I were you, or Waitrose.”

“Good thinking,” I replied, “they’d give money back if not one hundred per cent
satisfied.”

“Sounds good to me, could you ask my current wife to come up?”

“I suppose so–can I ask what for?”

“So I can sh–um, so we can make love while the kids are out.”

“The girls are still in, and I was going to take them for a bike ride.”

“Can’t Julie do that?”

“She’s just gone out with the boys.”

“Bloody women.”

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Comments

Is it just me...

...or do Cameron Clan conversations get sillier over time? :)

Meanwhile, loved the fact Cathy's now got all six members of her tribe helping out - although clearly she'll have to draw up a rota for cookery duties!

This episode reminded me of a couple of other people who might make the invite list: Leon and his mum.
 
 
--Ben


There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...

As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Enjoyed the episode

and really love seeing Cathy able to just have a silly time with Simon. Why can't Simon AND Cathy take the girl s for a bike ride?

Jealousy

We need to remember that Trish is only five years old. She may be advanced in some areas, but she still has the emotions of one her age.

Passing Stage


Bike Archive

I Love it!

The bantering -- it's really a lot of fun.

I also love the story. I don't know how you do it day after day for years now but I'm really happy that you do.

Thank you, Ang!

Yours from the Great White North,

Jenny Grier (Mrs.)

x

Yours from the Great White North,

Jenny Grier (Mrs.)

The Banter

jengrl's picture

The banter is really funny. I wonder what the name of Simon's other wives are? Could one of them be named Poly Gamy? LOL!

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

Making bread, Cooking soup,

Teasing Simon, Isn't it nice when everything is right in Cathy's world ....Shame that girls are still in though!!!

Kirri

Bike pt 911.

One simply MUST keep a score card to keep up with all that goes on in the wacky world od Bike. :)

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

WIP

That's effectively why I started creating the chapter summary spreadsheet: http://tr.im/P61a

Needless to say, any significant events will be highlighted, e.g. birthdays, the dates each member of the brood was first encountered, and the dates when they became additions to the household.

The spreadsheet is hosted on Google Docs, and theoretically anyone should be able to edit it (the giant hashcode in the real URL prevents random strangers wandering in).

I might get around to adding another batch of chapter summaries tomorrow = in between housework, searching for car insurance, writing a few more lines of Petra 2 and reading / commenting the latest Whateley story over at Crystal Hall...

 
 
--Ben


There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...

As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

I do hope...

there won't be any bloody women - after this bike ride! Too much blood recently.

You know, I'm kinda glad we didn't have so many kids as this. Two, nine years apart, has been quite enough for us to handle (though a 13 year old in the house while I'm trying to transition has it's own complications!). :-)

Those sound like good cooking training dishes for Julie. Soups can be screwed up, but they're harder to muck up than some other things. Come to think of it, my daughters seem to prefer the stew when I make it, than when the wife does. That's a nice change of things. :-) I blame it on my "simpler" spicing. LOL

Cycling's a good way to burn of a lot of extra energy. Hopefully Julie, with three lads, will manage to keep up. Lucky her legs are the same length as Cathy's, or near enough. Was wondering about the pedals though. Does Cathy use clips, or do her shoes "lock" in? That'd be something for Julie to get used to! I'm not even ready for clips, myself (Was about there 24 years ago, but moved away from where I knew the roads, then the first kid showed up, and time to cycle seemed to evaporate. *sighs* Now, it's only a three season casual thing for me.)...

Oh well, live appears to continue.
Thanks,
Annette

Feeding the hoard

I've been meaning to mention this for a while now, but has anyone stopped to think of the quantities of food Cathy has to cook nowdays? I figure around 3-4 chickens, over 5 pounds of rice, even more potatoes, and the vegetables served in rather large bowls. Many cases large mixing bowls are appropriate. These kids are young, it only gets worse over time.

911, almost as good as 666 in the states.

It's been my experiance, there are 11 kinds of people

Again, wonderful chapter. Cathy has the kids managed like a Marine Gunnery Sgt.
I think Simon totally forgot about Stanebury.
Are we heading for that old movie "Cheaper by the Dozen" with all these kids ?

Cefin