Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 757.

Printer-friendly version
Wuthering Dormice
(aka Bike)
Part 757
by Angharad
  
-Dormouse-001.jpg

I made us a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table while Stella fed Puddin’. She was turning into a lovely little girl, and Stella was doing a very good job as a mum – I felt really proud of her. Sitting watching the two of them was a nice interlude from my own thoughts. It struck me that Stella and I had almost swapped roles in the past few days – she was looking after me.

I thought on what she’d said; she had surprised me with her description of me being the sun around whom they all orbited. That could be construed as frightening in some ways, but when I thought about it, she was righ t– that was how things were or had been – were they about to change, and was she going to take up that role? I suppose we’d have to wait and see. I had looked after everyone for the past couple of years, maybe it was her turn.

“How about we take Puddin’ for a walk this afternoon?” I suggested.

“We have to be back for you to see Dr Thomas at four.”

“No, that’s next week.”

“It isn’t, Cathy, I made it this morning.”

“You did what?”

“The police requested you see someone, and we only got the appointment because of their mention.”

“Oh great, so now they’ll all know I’m potty.”

“Cathy, one of the things that I was made aware of when I was at that clinic, was that it’s no shame to have an episode of mental health issue. One in three or four of us will.”

“Yeah, but that still makes two or three who don’t.”

“Oh yeah, so it does. You’re so clever, Cathy, always seeing the alternative side of things.”

“You trying to tell me I’m crazy, because it isn’t news.”

“No, I was trying to tell you that you had spotted a perspective which I’d not noticed. I was so busy accepting that yeah, the majority will have some sort of problem – usually depression – and then you turn it on its head and show that most people don’t suffer a problem.”

“Which means that we crazies are a minority.”

“You’re right again, girl, we crazies need to stick together.”

“I’d always worked on the premise that if you were compos enough to know you were mad, you probably weren’t. Maybe I was wrong.” I shrugged.

“No, that sounds really good, if you know you’re barmy – you aren’t.”

“Let’s go for that walk, shall we?”

Which is what we did, we only were out for an hour, but it made me feel so much better, some fresh air and exercise usually does. It was good to feel the sun on my face for a few minutes, although we had to keep Puddin’ covered up against it.

We’d taken a sandwich with us, so we stopped and had a picnic of sorts, then walked home. I changed and after a cuppa at home, went off to see Dr Thomas again. I wasn’t looking forward to it – not one bit.

“Okay, so what happened,” she said her voice laden with disappointment.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” she asked and I nodded in agreement. “So how did the police get involved?”

“I couldn’t sleep, felt very down and decided on a whim to drive to Beachy Head.”

“What time was this?”

“’Bout three.”

“AM or PM?”

“AM.”

So you were going to admire the view were you?”

“Sort of.”

“In the dark?”

“Um,” I felt myself blush.

“People go to Beachy Head for one purpose only.”

“It’s a beauty spot,” I protested.

“Yeah, with a call box with a line to the Samaritans.”

“Is there?”

“I thought you knew Sussex?”

“Bits of, didn’t know Eastbourne that well.”

“So why were you going to kill yourself?”

“I thought it was an answer to my problems.”

“Thought – does that mean you no longer think it?”

“No, I don’t.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Stella.”

“How did she do that?”

“She pointed out that no matter what I thought, the reality was that I was legally and physically more female than anything and whether I liked it or not, that was my situation.”

“What did you think of that?”

“Logically, she was right.”

“And emotionally?”

“It felt okay.”

“Good. Now tell me the truth.”

“It is true, she told me that I had three kids who’d all had poor experiences of their mothers, she wasn’t going to let me fail them. I had to agree. They deserved better, and they call me their mother – I have a duty to do towards them.”

“You do, don’t you?”

“I won’t let them down again.”

“That sounds more like the old Cathy.”

“Simon has taken the girls away for a couple of days for me to rest and think.”

“Goodness, he’s growing up faster than the children.” I chuckled at this remark, maybe I should have been defending him, but I didn’t.

“He’s great with the girls, they love him.”

“I thought they loved you too?”

“They do, but it’s nice to see him with them – makes me feel good inside. Like a warmth inside me.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know, but it’s what I feel.”

“I suspect that it’s love you’re feeling, Cathy – seeing the people you most love together and interacting happily. It’s what happy families do, produce an environment of love and nurturing for everyone to grow. Sounds like you’re doing quite well.”

“Yeah, maybe I am.”

“Cathy, go on home and celebrate your success, you’re doing something many families don’t or can’t. Just keep doing what you’re doing and things will sort themselves out.”

“Do you want to see me next week?”

“Yes, just to make sure everything is okay.”

“Thanks, Dr Thomas.”

“You’re welcome, young lady.” I blushed but accepted the epithet.

05Dolce_Red_l_0.jpg

up
143 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Now is it all going to stop?

This 'I am unworthy' rubbish?

Many of us have been there, it doesn't solve anything; we get miserable and bring the rest of the world down with us.

How to lose friends and influence people.

There's no training manual for life; this isn't a trial run. You play the cards that you're dealt and hope that at the end, someone says "she was alright." If you get a crap set of cards, that's tough; play them anyway.

That's my take on things anyway.

Susie

cards eh?

wonders - ponders - if i dont like my cards, can i take a lighter to em, & ask for a new hand ?

Play the Cards you are dealt?

That is true beyond anyone's conception of what was, what is, and what will be.
It is a fact that Life deals Us cards from a stacked deck, and then laughs at Us while WW try to make a decent hand of the cards Life dealt Us.
So,,,,,if Life is going to laugh at Us, why shouldn't we laugh back at Life?
Keep in mind that I laugh AT Life, not at YOU.
I laugh WITH you, and not AT you, because of the cards Life dealt us, and because whatever it is you have done that we are laughing together with, I have done the same thing, or something equally as stupid!. Therefore I laugh WITH you and at the same time, I am laughing at ME, and Life.

Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?

Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm

Cathy's sounding a bit more

Cathy's sounding a bit more like herself, I hope it lasts! I imagine we all have little break downs like this at some point, though some are more severe than others. Keep up the good work Angharad!

Saless
 


"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America


"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America

>> I have a duty...

Puddintane's picture

Exactly.

Cela est bien dit, répondit Candide, mais il faut cultiver notre jardin.

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

Cathy Has A Duty To Herself

To accept her own womanhood, and the Title of Mother. Look what happened when she went Bonkers!

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

She is going to go in and out

... of her belief and disbelief I am afraid. As a consequence Stella and Tom will have to be on their toes. Cathy's suicide attempt was pretty spontaneous in my view, much like what Stella went through in her suicidal periods. On the other hand, Stella now has the opportunity to repay the favor of Cathy saving her life multiple times. This will help keep Stella focused and I am hopeful it will prevent her from drifting into suicidal thoughts herself, though it seems unlikely at the moment.

Kim

Payback

can come in unexpected ways. I suspect Stella never thought she would see this side of Cathy. It might put some perspective on her behavior.

Well that

was a nice positive episode, At last Cathy seems to be listening to others and is ready to accept what they are telling her, Although as with all things like this, (And Stella will not need reminding of it!!)it is very easy to fall back if you allow all the negative thoughts back into your mind.

No mention of Tom, So i guess we can assume that he is well after the Angina attack... Living with Cathy can be shall we say...A little interesting at times!!! And sometimes more than a little stressful!!! Poor Tom he loves his family, lets just hope they are not the death of him.

Kirri:

Glad Cathy ...

appears to have "recovered" a level of balance. Somehow I don't think most could manage this quite so fast but I also don't think a blow-by-blow description of things dragging over a long period would make for fun reading (much less writing).

Now, we need to wonder what'll happen next.

Thanks,
Annette

WHIZZ, where have you gone !

You left Ang with only Bonzi to help with production, and see what 's happened ! Suicide ! Are you guys trying to kill Tom Agnew ? His first daughter died behind the wheel of a car .

Cefin, Iechyd da