“American Airlines Flight 53 to Chicago is now ready for boarding” I stopped and turned

“That’s me” I said a tremble in my voice, mum moved forward and the tears began.

“You take care Nikki, I love you so much and I’m going to miss you so much” she said both of us now sobbing freely.

The hug seemed to go on for ever then it broke Robert moved forward.

“You take care now daughter” he said it was the first time he had said that and the tears were freely flowing again and I could see mum from the corner of my eye still crying at will.

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I awoke the next morning with a large hangover and an even larger portion of guilt heavy on my brain. What the fuck was I thinking about last night, could I tell Eddie, would it ruin us, could I keep it a secret, was that fair, my mind was reeling. I dressed and took a taxi over to the house. The car park was quiet as I arrived Ryan was sitting reading his paper in his car as we pulled up, he got out.

“Where you been, what happened to you face” he asked pointing to the plaster.

“I’m sorry I slipped last night and fell coming out of the shop and stayed at my Mum’s last night and overslept this morning,”

“No hassle, Rachel’s gone to get us a bacon sandwich.” I opened the door and stepped inside Ryan following me, walking into the lounge I picked up the key’s to the shop and handed them to him.

“Look do you think you can manage without me today, there’s a bit of a problem at Mum’s” I lied.

“Sure no sweat, I’ll just put the key’s through the letter box at closing is that ok,”

“Yeah that will be great Ryan, I’ll see you tomorrow” I said as he turned and left. I went upstairs and took some fresh clothes from the dresser and was back downstairs in a few minutes, noticing the light flashing on the answer machine I pressed the button nervously and listened to the message, it was Eddie “Where are you babes, the interview went well yesterday high hopes for that one give me a call, Love You.”

Guilt racked me as I heard the message rewind. Outside I climbed into the car waving to Rachel as she approached carrying Ryan and her breakfast, reversing out I drove back to mum’s.

“Your back” mum asked as I opened the kitchen door and went in.

“Yeah I’m just a bit spooked living in that house alone at night, I’ll go home tomorrow when Eddie get back that ok” I asked.
“Yeah that’s fine in fact you can look after Mel and I’ll go and get some groceries for the weekend”

“Ok where is she” I enquired.

“She’s in the lounge in her buggy sleeping” she replied as she headed of to get changed. I went through and wheeled her back to the kitchen leaving the back door open so I could watch and hear her I stepped outside and lit a cigarette, what should I do should I tell Eddie about Gordy and Derek or should I keep quite, inhaling the menthol smoke into my mouth I could feel some tears welling up. I may well have fucked this up if I tell but could I live with the secret if I didn’t. The rest of the day passed slowly, finally I got to speak to Eddie after he returned to his hotel after his interview he had been impressed with the final company and expected offers from all three to take over development and production of his idea, he was on a high and I was guilty as I might be about to bring his high to a crashing fall.

I left Mum’s early on Saturday morning and returned to the shop in time to cash up do the books and have the till ready for the morning. Midday I left to go pick up Eddie from the airport. As he exited Arrivals I hugged him and he held me tightly.

“I missed you, you should have come,”

“Yeah I wish I had I replied, let’s get your bags in the car” I said taking his hand as we walked towards the car park. The drive home was full of Eddie telling me about London the interviews what they had asked what they were interested in and how he felt they were certain to make an off

“Your quiet” he asked stopping his flowing conversation.

“I was just listening, you really are excited about this” he reached over and squeezed my arm.

“It’s almost the most exciting moment in my life, but only almost, marrying you was the most exiting” he said stretching over and placing a kiss on my cheek. I pulled into the car park and switched of the engine as we arrived back home.

“I’m going to unpack” he said

“Ok I’m going to see how the shop is going” as we parted and headed in different directions.

I finished off about 5pm and returned home Eddie was fast asleep on the couch; I noticed a message on the answer phone and played it back.

“Nikki its Mum bring Eddie over for dinner tonight, see you about seven.” I went over and gently woke him.

“Hey sleepy head, mum wants us over for dinner tonight, better get ready were due at seven.” I said kissing him on the forehead and heading upstairs to take a shower. By the time I came out Eddie was dressed and ready I slipped on a white lacy bra and panty set and some tan shiny tights, a denim knee length skirt and a yellow blouse with matching yellow three inch heeled shoes. Fixing my make up I applied green and yellow eye shadow a light touch of mascara and eyeliner and some pale almost skin tone lipstick. Picking up my bag I headed downstairs and hand in hand we headed to the car.

Dinner was great Eddie impressed Mum and Robert with tales of the interview while I washed up and played with Mel till she dropped off and mum took her upstairs to bed. Eddie and Robert shared a couple of beers in the living room while me and mum went out into the conservatory for a cigarette, I closed the door behind her and opening my bag took out my ciggies and offered her one we both lit up,

“You’ve been strange for the last couple of days” she enquired.

“Thing’s on my mind” I said

“Like what you know you can always talk to me” she responded

“It’s just Carol has upset me a bit her situation and that” I lied.

“No there’s more too it than that Nikki” she said tapping some ash from her cigarette in the ashtray and taking another drag on it. My eyes began to fill up and she noticed a slight tear.

“Nikki what is it are you crying” tears began to tumble as I wiped them away. She walked over sat down hugging me too her, the story already bubbling out of me. Finished she looked at me sternly.

“And that’s all that happened” she said

“Is that not enough, nearly raped and then I snog and feel up another guy” I said in surprise

“Well the first one is not your fault and the second well at least you stopped it”

“Yeah but part of me wanted it to happen”

“I know dear but you said yourself you were feeling a bit left neglected, now don’t think I’m condoning it but thing’s like this can happen. Let me tell you a story years ago before your father left and before he started messing around I was at a Christmas Party with the office, at the time me and your dad were arguing a lot over money you were about four and we were a bit broke he was out of work and we were struggling. Well at the party another married guy I worked with me came on to me at first I ignored it but that night at the party thing’s got out of hand, we ended up in a store cupboard in the office kissing and feeling each other up his hand inside my pants you know what I mean, anyway like you I pulled out at the last minute, who knows maybe I should just have let it happen because we all know what happened a few years later but no I stopped it.” I looked at her in surprise taking a draw from my cigarette and blowing out a white plume of smoke.

“Can I ask you mum did you tell dad about it”

“Yeah I did maybe that was part of his excuse when he started having it off with his workmate but I never went that far I stopped it before it got too far” she said.

“So you’re saying I should tell Eddie” I asked.

“Well it’s your decision but I know one thing you’ll feel better for it if you do. Now go and fix your make up before the guys wonder what were doing.” she said grinding out her cigarette.

Back home later that night I fixed myself a gin and tonic and sat with a cigarette while Eddie checked out the shops and workshop for security.
“Ready for bed babes” he said when he returned with that familiar look in his eye.

“Can I have another drink” I asked handing him my glass he took it and went over to the mini bar, fixing one for himself he returned with the two glasses and sat beside me.

“Eddie you know how you said I was quiet, well I need to tell you something” taking a gulp for my drink I started, five minutes later with tear streaming from my eye’s once more I waited for a response.

“Eeeddie what are you thinking” I said through sobs.

“I can’t believe after everything we’ve been through you could let that happen” he said “I need some air” he said rising.

“Eddie please come back talk to me” I said as he left the room and I could here the front door close. I put down my glass and ran upstairs falling on our bed the sobbing started again racking my already sore ribs as I cried. Some time later I heard the front door open and close but no footsteps came up the stairs, I got up and changed for bed slipping under the covers I waited in time sleep came but no Eddie.

The next morning I got up and the house was empty Eddie had obviously made himself some toast and coffee and left. I looked outside the car was gone. I phoned mum blabbering down the phone that he’s left me, she trying to reassure me all the time that he just needed time me near hysteria she hung up and drove over bringing Mel with her.

“Did you tell Robert” I asked.

“No not yet” she said sitting by me as we smoked a cigarette.

“He will come back Nikki both of you have too much wrapped up in this relationship to throw it away now” she said.

“But he might want to end it here” I sobbed.

“You love each other too much to let a silly thing like the other night ruin it all, ok it was stupid off you and not to mention dangerous, but he knows you care about him look how far you have come for him” she answered We sat around me silent and tearful while mum tidied up and Mel slept blissfully unaware of any crisis in the family. Around four the front door opened and Eddie walked in.

“Can me and Nikki have some time alone” he asked looking at mum she nodded and picked up Mel, kissing me on the forehead she said.

“Ring me,”

“I will thanks” I said through a stomach that was in knots as she left.

Eddie sat down across from me.

“Where did you go” I asked breaking the ice.

“Just drove around parked in some park sat around thinking” he replied. I looked at the floor in a nervous guilty way.

“Nikki I don’t know what possessed you the other night, Gordy well that’s to be expected but this other guy,”

“I know I don’t know what I was thinking maybe it was the shock maybe the alcohol, I don’t know I just wish I could take it all back, but I can’t” I said in a trembling voice.

“Well I think we’ve both come too far to go back now, I’m disappointed and hurt but I’ll get over it, so do you want to give it another go” the answer was in my reaction as I leapt on him and the tears flowed as I continually said “Yes oh yes oh yes.”
 

*          *          *
 
A week later and we had three offers from the companies that Eddie had been to see the German firm were offering a sizeable amount of money with bonuses on sales the American and Australian firms were offering a good payment as well but in addition they were offering Eddie a place in their company if we moved abroad. So one quiet Sunday afternoon we sat down to consider our options.

Eddie had always been leased impressed by the German company so we almost ruled them out straight away although they did not want us to move. I saw by Eddie’s initial reaction that the thought of a brand new start away from here was favourite in his mind and given that Gordy had found us recently and seemed to continue to want to make our lives hell the offer to move kind of appealed to me as well.

“So what do you think Australia or America” he asked.

“I don’t know really there’s hardly any difference in the money so either seems attractive to me” I replied.

“Ok then close your eyes,” he said

“What”

“Close your eyes” he repeated so I did. I could here him moving towards me reach out and pick one he said, I moved my hand forward and found his leg.

“Up a bit” I brushed paper then up another bit.

“Pick” he said, my hand moved right and took the piece of paper out of his left hand.

“Open them then, where are we going” I opened my eyes and opened the envelope it was headed Univar “Were going to America” I said as we both hugged at the thought of our new life.

The next morning me and Eddie left Ryan and Rachel in charge and went round to see Mum. Obviously she had been aware of Eddie going to these interviews but not off the offers that we had been made by luck Robert was off work so both were at home as we parked the car and strolled up the path hand in hand.

“Hey you two what you doing here bright and early in the morning, who’s watching the shop” she asked.

“Ryan and Rachel are looking after it they’ll be fine, can we talk to you and Robert” I asked.

A worried look appeared on her face “It’s ok it’s not bad” I replied.

“Ok I’ll just get him” she went to the bottom of the stairs and called on Robert who appeared in his dressing gown having just stepped out of the shower. We sat on the settee hand in hand while I began to explain about the interviews and offers.

“So I said we’ve decided to go with the American company” I said.

“Oh that’s wonderful, did you get a large payment” she asked exited by the news,

Eddie took over. “Well the money’s good but there’s one other detail, I’ve been offered a post in America with it and were going to take it.”

Silence descended on the room as what he had just said sunk in to the assembled group, then tears.

“You, you’re going to America” mum started in a broken tone.

“Yeah” I nodded, she rose crossing the room to me.

“But what am I going to do without you” she said.

“It’s a once in a lifetime offer it’s too good to miss” I said. As she hugged me wet tears splashed on to my cheeks, silence descended again and it was some time before the crying stopped and the silence was broken.

The next few months were chaos Eddie had to fly to the states twice to tie up the details. On his first visit he returned with some house brochures for us to look at although the job included an apartment in Sacramento most employees lived outside the city and commuted to work. Eventually we decided on a bay side house on San Pablo Bay which was around 80 miles out of Sacramento and gave Eddie the option of travelling or staying over at the town house should he wish. Details were ironed out during his second visit and we became owners of the property, issues around my passport were also ironed out as it still showed male but this was smoothed over by the company only two people the Managing Director and his secretary were aware of my true gender.

While Eddie was in the US I was busy this side of the water arranging the sale of the house and business. The businesses went first as a going concern which I was happy about Ryan and Rachel were now living together so I would have hated to see them lose their jobs. The house went soon after so by late August with Eddie still in the US I had moved in with Carol to see her through the last few weeks of her pregnancy. Mum was distraught and cried a lot but inside I knew she was excited for me. A date was set for us to finally leave the UK in mid October so I just hoped that Carol would deliver in time.

One early morning two weeks ahead of schedule Carol woke me up her waters had broken ensuing chaos and panic ruled for the next five minutes which seemed like an hour as I grabbed her bag and other personal items and shuffled her out the door and into the car. Three hours later a healthy young lady called Stacy was brought into the world and the look on her mother’s face showed that she had no regrets in deciding to continue with the pregnancy and she was now a happy single mother of a bouncing baby girl.

Two weeks later it was a solemn but exited bunch of people who gathered at the airport. Mum, Robert, Melanie and Carol with Stacy all stood around with me as I waited for the flight to be called.

Mum and Carol with tissues in hand anticipating the tears in a short while.

“You got everything” mum asked.

“Passport, money”

“Yes mum I’ve already checked three times” I replied. The public address system opened up

“American Airlines Flight 53 to Chicago is now ready for boarding” I stopped and turned

“That’s me” I said a tremble in my voice, mum moved forward and the tears began.

“You take care Nikki, I love you so much and I’m going to miss you so much” she said both of us now sobbing freely.

The hug seemed to go on for ever then it broke Robert moved forward.

“You take care now daughter” he said it was the first time he had said that and the tears were freely flowing again and I could see mum from the corner of my eye still crying at will. Last but by no means least came Carol.

“You jammy bitch” she said through tears “Wish it was me, I’m going to miss you say Hi to Eddie for me” we broke as the announcement sounded again.

“You’ll come over and visit” I said.

“You just stop me soon as Stacey’s a bit older I’ll be on the first flight out, put aside some nice American guys for me will you” I laughed.

“Will do” I said lifting the handle of my cabin luggage and turning I walked towards the departure gate reaching the end of the queue I turned Mum was wrapped in Robert’s arms waving and wiping away tears at the same time as Carol held up Stacey and waved I handed over my passport and moved through the gate to a new life.
 

*          *          *
 
I drained the last of the white wine and stood up, taking one last draw from the Virginia Slim I crushed it out in the ashtray. Kicking of my white high heeled mules I stepped forward. The tight white, one piece bathing suit clings to by body. My nipples hardening slightly as a slight breeze caught me, it was cooling down. I walked towards the pool my long tanned legs and arms shining in the sunlight as I reached the edge I flexed my arms, my long sculptured nails painted a deep pink caught my eye as I dived forward and broke the water, surfacing I began to swim to the other side of the pool.

That story was five years ago now, two years after we got here I began pestering Eddie about children and finally he agreed to adopt. We saw several possibilities each one with a sad story to tell. I knew Eddie secretly had hoped to find a boy but when we were asked to look at a little girl called Kristina I knew that this would be the one. She had melted my heart from the minute I saw her but when the story of her parents and brothers death in a freeway accident was told I knew that would clinch it. So Kristina became ours and is now fully adjusted into our family, it was hard at first but she’s now blooming. Reaching the end of the pool I kicked and started my swim back to where I had entered the water.

Climbing out of the pool I picked up my towel and patted myself dry.

What of home you may ask, well I’ve been back a couple of times for a break once on my own and once with Kristina to introduce her to the family. Robert has got a contract with a company in Fort Bragg which is just up the coast for two years starting in November so Mum will be moving out with him. I’m naturally thrilled at that. Eddie bought a diner on the highway not far from here for me where I work part time and mum has promised to help me out to keep her busy.

Carol, well Carol was true to her word and as soon as Stacey turned three she came out to visit she arrived to spend Christmas with us just in time for the companies Christmas party. There she met Brett a Distribution Manager and although out to see us spent the whole second week with him in Sacramento. Eddie tells me that he calls her all the time and is going over to the UK on an Exchange visit to examine UK distribution with the intention of asking her to come back with him. I’ve talked to Carol lots on the phone and I know the answer to his question will be yes and I would not be surprised if she’s on the same flight back with him or at least the one after that.

I picked up my cigarettes, the slim gold lighter and the empty glass. Slipping on my shoes I clicked my way along the side of the pool and on to the path leading to the house.

So what of the other’s I hear you say.

Well, Brian and Dave disappeared off the radar, they both took jobs down south and got married and had kids. We all know what happened to William with little regret.

Angela was probably the most naturally beautiful of the group and always said she would bag a rich husband. She eventually captured a Premier League footballer but as his career hit the lower division she hit another mans bed and was last know to be living with someone who owned a couple of public houses.

Andy eventually got Margo pregnant and moved in with her, his constant cheating with Tracey eventually caught up with him and so did his love for speed as he wrote of his car and himself in an accident two years ago. Margo has since moved on and has a new man in her life let’s hope he’s more trustworthy than Andy.

Gordy well what did you expect really, he had narrow scrapes with the law for a number of years, fight’s, stealing a number of thing’s his luck eventually ran out after Lesley sensibly ditched him and he got into an argument after leaving a pub. His vicious assault on the other guy was the last straw and a four year prison sentence followed.

Lastly Lesley, well her sense in dumping Gordy led to an upturn in her fortunes, Eddie apart I would say she was the most intelligent of the group and she had always been driven to have her own business. She started off with one salon in our home town and now has four across the region, she is very much the career woman married to a lawyer they are successful and comfortably off. I don’t grudge her any of that as I doubt that I would be standing here today had it not been for her idea, I owe her a lot and would probably thank her if I ever met her again.

Climbing the stairs I reach our master bedroom and step inside to get dressed.

Dressed in a lacy white see through blouse with a white bra underneath, a black pencil skirt with stocking’s and three inch heeled black velvet patent pumps, I pick up my evening dress in it’s protective bag and my overnight bag.

Eddie’s company is hosting a reception tonight following a successful merger with another company in the US. Kristina is on a sleep over with one of her friends tonight so I’m free to go out and party. I set the alarm and close the door hanging up the dress in the back of my four wheel drive SUV and put my overnight bag in the back.

Looking at my watch it’s just gone three so I’ve got time to spare as I reverse out of the drive and turn the car stopping at the intersection I pop the cigarette lighter in and pull a VS120 from the pack on the dashboard. The lighter pops out as I check for oncoming traffic, I immerse the tip of the cigarette in the heat and inhale before popping it back in it’s slot. I roll down the window and glance right before pulling out into the roadway and towards the freeway and my route to Sacramento. My hand rests on the top of the wheel as I glide along the light catches the small stones that the Beauty salon Assistant fixed into my long nails yesterday, the slim cigarette between the fingers with a slim plum of smoke being pulled towards the open window.

I glance back at the overnight bag which contains a change of clothes for tomorrow. Inside though is also a sexy figure hugging white latex nurses uniform with fishnet white stocking’s and six inch metal heeled leather stilettos which I got off the Internet recently. After the reception is over I plan to slip away into the bathroom of our flat and change into it, after all my husband has been working hard all week for our benefit and he deserves a treat, which I intend to deliver for the rest of the night. Life has never been better and the future looks even brighter.

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