(aka Bike) Part 661 by Angharad |
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“Hi, Babes, what can I do you for?”
“I’ve just had a call from Laura.”
“Who’s she?”
“Peaches’ mum.”
“Oh yeah. What did she want, you to collect her offspring again?”
“Not quite, she wants us to have Pea over the weekend.”
“What do you mean by, weekend?”
“From Friday after school to Monday morning, when returned to school,” I sighed.
“She’s got a bloody nerve.”
“I know that, Simon, her daughter as good as told me that the first time.”
“She did? First I’ve heard of it.”
“I did tell you, but you were probably thinking about sex at the time.”
“I think about sex, constantly,” he joked. I knew it was a joke–he only thought about it most of the time.
“Well, there’s a surprise,” I replied with feigned astonishment.
“I thought it would be a revelation to you, didn’t you realise that men think about sex, nearly as often as women think about shopping.”
“Is that food shopping or real shopping?” I joked back.
“I think it could be both, why?”
“Depending upon how much food we have in the house, I could think about shopping more often than I do when buying stuff for the girls or myself. If it’s just the latter, you can’t be that highly sexed.”
“What? You’re always shopping,” he protested.
“Compared to you–yes, compared to many women–no.”
“What even, Stella?”
“Stella is a special case, but before she was ill and a nursing mum, she could shop for England, and I suspect probably did.”
“No wonder the economy is in crisis, some coincidence that it was contemporaneous with Stella’s illness.” He sighed as if it was a profound thought.
“Oh speaking of the Arch Consumer, what was she on about wanting us to do at the same time as the wedding?”
“What wedding?”
“Thee and me, remember?”
“Remember what?”
“You asked me to marry you?”
“Yeah, but that was last week.” I heard him chuckle in the background.
“So am I released from my plight?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Well, I saw James Cracknell on the telly the other night, he looks quite a hunk.”
“I beg your pardon?” he said and I could feel myself blushing, at the same time I knew his blood pressure would be rising, even though he knew I was playing silly games, the same as he was.
“You know, the Olympic Oarsman, he could paddle my canoe any day,” I continued, goading him.
“Catherine Watts, you are practically a member of the aristocracy, please wait until you are before behaving so badly.”
“So it’s allowed then, is it?”
“Shall we say, we all turn a blind eye and cough politely.”
“So James will have to wait a few months then?”
“’Fraid so, if you want to do it properly.”
“Okay, I’ll tell him. Is that what you do?”
“Me? How could you? Remember our motto.”
“What motto?” I asked, unaware of it.
“Honour, Integrity–or the wife will kill me.” He roared with laughter the other end.
“So what was Stella on about?”
“How should I know, I wasn’t there, remember?”
“I know you weren’t there, that’s why I’m talking to you now. We had a whole conversation and I didn’t have a clue what she was on about…”
“Christening,” said a voice as Stella walked past.
“Thanks…doh!” I had betrayed myself, she’d give me hell for while now.
“Doe, a deer a female deer…” sang Simon.
“Oh shut up,” I pouted down the phone.
“What did she say?”
“Christening.”
“Oh yeah, she asked me earlier if I’d be a God-parent or something, to Puddin’.”
“Well it would fit the remnants of the conversation as I recall it.”
“Just sign on the dotted.”
“I’m an agnostic, how can I be a God-parent, whose role, as I recall it, is to make sure the child is brought up as Christian and encouraged to become confirmed.”
“Is it? What’s the problem?”
“I don’t believe in the Big Cheese.
“Ah, that could cause a small difficulty.”
“Which is why I declined the first time. Nothing has changed.”
“No, Stella is a bit one-track in the mind department.”
“So am I.”
“Yeah, bloody stubborn women, and you have the temerity to blame all the world’s problems on men.”
“If you mean, greed and war? Yes, I do.”
“Hang on a mo, missus, you and Stella, is hardly a cooperative is it?”
“Well it’s more that than confrontation, we just agree to disagree.”
“Yeah, like Afghanistan.”
“I don’t have a problem with Afghanistan.” I said moving to higher ground, at least morally.
“Well, I can’t see them allowing you to have the snip and then marry me, for one thing. They’d stone you to death or something.”
“Why?”
“For being different or just for being a woman. Can you imagine walking round like a Guinness bottle in one of those full size veils?”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“So there, see you do spend loads of brain time thinking about shopping.”
“How do you work that out?”
“I could hear your little brain trying to work out if Burberry made burkas.”
“Damn,” I said in mock indignation, “how did you guess?”
“Intuition,” he said and laughed.
“What about Peaches?”
“Yeah, get some if they look edible.”
“Simon, I’ll get you in a minute, what about this poor kid whose mother seems to dump her on neighbours and friends?”
“We can hardly refuse, can we. But only this once.”
“What if she does a runner, like Meem’s mother did?”
“Get a very large jiffy bag…”
“Be serious for a moment, Simon.”
“I am, deadly so. I have a book of stamps, you’re not going to keep her. If you’re getting broody, get a kitten.”
“What! I am not broody and I don’t want anymore children. I love the two we have. It’s enough for me.”
“Say, no, to her then.”
“Um, that might be difficult.”
“Why?”
“She’s walking up the drive with a suitcase.”
Comments
Very Droll Angharad,
Bater Wars tonight, and Stella is the victor.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Or is that
Stella is the master?
Just Peachy
Now, all I have to do is think of a comment to go with my Subject line, above...
Dammit, Cathy! Go ahead and disappoint someone. Say "No!" to the presumptuous woman walking up your drive with a suitcase, throw a purple fit, and then slam the door in her face.
Sigh... As if.
On the face of it, the woman's story is a crock of ...nonsense. If she's going to visit the girl's father to press the child support issue, and he lives far away, why not bring the daughter for a visit? And, for the weekend? I've been to England. It's not that big. You can get most places in a day. And sometimes back. If she's going to see someone in England, for the weekend, it almost assuredly is not an ex-husband she wants nothing to do with.
At the very least, Cathy should challenge her and start demanding some answers. Get the name and telephone of the divorce attorney. Get the name, address and phone number of the ex. Verify the facts. Call them both, and her own solicitor for good measure, with her sitting there. Get her to admit she's jetting off to Marbella with her lover and doesn't want her kid along to cramp her style. Her excuses seem like those of a pathological, manipulative liar, and nothing more.
Cathy is, or should be, too smart to fall for another ruse like this. I don't understand her utter weakness and gullibility. At some point, it stops being cute.
Fun and strays
Does Cathy attract neglectful Moms or something? She really needs to learn to say no.
I can only wish I could write even a quarter as humorously as you do, keep it up!
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Her calling
This may be Cathy's higher purpose in life, to provide a home to these cast-off children. Perhaps, much like Sarah Conner, one of her children goes on to do something great. Find a cure for cancer or bring about world peace, something like that.
I guess I agree
But I'm still looking forward to the nature video that's a family affair with Cathy and the kids counting harvest mice or watching and talking about animals at play.
Walking WHERE?
Seems to be a bit of the "walk by" shooting going on ("Christening" & "Up the drive"). :-)
Wait - it sounds like Simon and Cathy actually mannaged to exchange some informationn - while engaging in nonsensical repartee. Is this nearly a first?
Thanks,
Annette
I Hope Cathy Sets Laura Straight
It looks like Cathy will have to be the one to set Laura straight on a few things. She definitely needs it. She obviously doesn't care that she is causing a lot of hurt to her daughter by constantly putting her second in her life. When you are a parent, your children should be your top priority. Laura evidently doesn't get that. Cathy is a career oriented woman, but she knows her children are her top priority.
I assume this is not Friday after school
So why is Peaches already at the house? And was she just dropped off? Guess Laura couldn't face Cathy or something. Fortunately, Cathy is a very caring woman and will comfort the poor kid.
luverly conversation
You could just see this, sort of split screen, complete with smirks, splutters, rolling of eyes, not to mention cheery smiles. Very nice.
As fer peaches Mum, well no way Cathy will let the kiddie down so perhaps an ever so genteel.. um discussion.. at the car. You know the stiletto from the boot top pressed against her throat. Okay, a pinch OTT, but a 'nice' little don't abuse the friendship is appropriate I think.
Kristina
I thnk you all have it wrong...
I think you all have it wrong and so does Cathy. I think its one of those deals sneaky and manipulative exes pull. I think that she intends to spend the weekend sleeping with him to ensure that she continues to get her child support payments and that is why she said she would deal with it and it wouldn't be a problem any more.
Cathy should feel sorry for her rather than resenting her, but she doesn't know what is truly going on.
it's not easy trying to make
it's not easy trying to make a comment when your 'puter' is playing silly devils, and you have to use your mobile phone so i'll content myself with saying that i still don't trust laura, not sure what she's up to but it all smells a bit fishy ( bonzi: get down!!!) kirri
Let me guess,
Laura has incurable cancer, and she has been looking for the perfect mum.
She found her. Now her plan springs into action.
Quick, the boiling oil, close the trellis.
If I'd of tried that, I'd be sleeping in the straw.
Go ahead, be the Godmother, then you could make peach pits' mother an offer she can't refuse.
In that vein, to make Ang happy, "drop the guns and grab the cannolis"
Cefin