by Laika Pupkino
A dog, a cat, a mouse and a brick.
A fanfic about America's first transgender comics hero...
Somewhere out in the desert, a shifty little character stands leaning against a funny looking rock. Up in the sky behind him a trio of pudgy bell-shaped UFOs sails past, perhaps on their way to some other story. A moment later a stout blue sillhouette carrying a nightstick passes by...
"Yo! How's it hangin' dawg?"
The policeman stops, "Beg pardon?"
The smaller figure shuffles obsequiously, "I meant 'Good day, Officer!' And how are you this fine morning?"
"Hmmmmmm, good day yourself. You seem awfully cheerful."
"That's me alright. Mr. Cheerful!"
"Rather out of character, I'd say. What're you up to?"
"Up to? Why nothing Sir! Just taking in the beautiful dawn here on the playa, with the boojum trees in bloom and all. Such suspiciousness doesn't suit you, my brother!"
"My suspicions haven't let me down yet, you little hooligan. You wouldn't happen to be lying in wait to do harm to a certain young lady who passes this way every morning, would you?"
"You call that a lady? That is one seriously confused dude! Prancing around sniffing posies and singing like a-"
"Most folks around here think she has a lovely voice."
"Oh sure, it's a nice voice. But it's just beaucoup weird for a guy to have a voice like that. It' ain't natural!"
"Again," harumphed the law officer, "Yours would seem to be the minority opinion. Even just passing by she brightens peoples' day. That girl is so undefatiguably positive, sweet and friendly, greeting everyone with a big smile or a kiss. Even you, who strives to bring her misery at every turn..."
"There you go again, calling him a her. The whole diddle-wah-diddle town is doing it, you're all as crazy as he is. And that cat's crazy!"
"We like to think of ourselves as progressive. Like that new civil rights ordinance we passed back in November. Such enlightened views make me proud to call this little desert township home. Ahem!!"
"Well it makes me sick! No good can come out of a law like that. Folks can't just go deciding what sex they are; society would crumble!"
"Since when did you become so concerned with the well-being of Society? And gender isn't just about gonads or chromosomes, which I'm not sure any of us here has anyway ......... If I were you I'd be nicer to her. She has naught but good things to say about you. And there's few in these parts with any love for a gonif like you."
"Yes I know the weirdo's in love with me, it's disgusting! He deserves everything he's gonna get- Er, I mean uh ....... Not that I'd do anything bad to the, uh ....... poor confused creature."
"No, of course not. What's that behind your back?"
"Why nothing, Brother Sir."
"Let me see that, or I'll run you in for loitering- Aha! I thought so!"
"It's not illegal to be holding a brick, is it? I'm uh ........ I'm building a pyramid. Really!. I have my pyramid permit on me here somewhere."
"A likely story-"
Someone comes traipsing up the trail: "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!"
"THE KAT!!!" cries the tiny criminal.
"Ignatz, I am warning you. DO NOT throw that brick!"
"La la la la la la la la! ...... Good morning, Gennelmens!" sings Krazy Kat as she skips past.
Ignatz Mouse cannot contain himself. He hurls the brick-
"Say...... Why is I laying onna ground all in repose like? Oooooooh, wot pretty stars," sighs Krazy, trying to touch the multicolored stars spinning in a circle above her face.
"Here Miss, let me help you up," offers the constable, lifting the feline to her feet.
"Thank you Offisa. My, look at Ignatz dancing wit joy! It gladdifies my heart to see his young swainship cavorting so heppily!"
"HAW HAW! STUPID KAT! I NAILED HIM! NAILED HIM GOOD, I DID!"
"So," rumbles Offisa Pupp, "we have witnesses AND a confession. I'd say this isn't your day."
The mouse holds his wrists out defiantly, "Oh, pssshawww! Go ahead and slap th' cuffs on me, Puppo. Three days in the town pokey? I can do that kind of time standing on my head!"
"I'm afraid it won't be the local juzgado this time, Little Ignatz. You're going to prison! Paragraph 57-A of this new Coconino County Civil Rights Ordinance makes your eggregious assault on a transgendered person qua transgendered person a felony hate crime. Your goose is cooked, mouse!"
A duck in a strange little tassled hat unrolls a scroll and calls out a decree in what looks like Mandarin, while doglike deputies shove Ignatz into the back of a waiting Black Maria.
As the vehicle zigzags off down the dirt trail he rattles the bars of its back gate, howling, "But ........ but ...... I didn't mean to throw it! The Kat was coming onto me, and I just panicked! Yeah, that's it! I'm innocent I tell yooooooooooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooou-"
Krazy Kat picks up the brick, gazing at it longingly, "Kin I keep this, Offisa Pupp?"
The policeman shrugs, "Just put it in the evidence pile."
Some time later Krazy scampers up an uncomplete pyramid of bricks that's as big as a house and places it into a gap on the top row. Hearts appear over her head as she contemplates the number of times Ignatz has beaned her with a brick. A hand drawn sign slung between two gnarled manzanita branches down at the base of the structure declares it to be the PYRAMID OF LOVE.
(Hey, it's KRAZY KAT. I don't get it either...)
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