Shit Happens, But So Do Miracles! Parts 1 - 5

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Shit Happens, But So Do Miracles!
by Tanya Allan


Shit_Happens_iStock_000004431591Small.jpg Synopsis
Young Martin Collins was the youngest of five brothers, and no sisters! His mother, Jenny, had always wanted a girl, and although slightly disappointed, treated him no differently!

However, from a very early age, Martin himself realised that things weren’t quite right, and when playing with some girls his age, he made the discovery that was to charge his life!

He was in the wrong body!

Childhood should be a time of fun and laughter, but for Martin it was to prove a depressing and miserable time, until things started to change, and a light shone at the end of his tunnel!

Miracles are few and far between, but for Martin, his life went from bad to brilliant!

Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Saturday 03-07-2009 at 07:10:38 pm (-0500), this retro classic was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers. ~Sephrena
Tanya has a new website where she will display her latest works first and then to BigCloset TopShelf a few weeks later is here at Tanya Allan's Tales .
Tanya's Book Shop where she is selling her works in book form is at . Please Visit!

The Legal Stuff: Shit Happens, But So Do Miracles! ©2004 Tanya Allan
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Permission is granted for it to be copied and read by individuals, and for no other purpose. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Mention is made of persons in public life only for the purposes of realism, and for that reason alone. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge.
The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. If you wish to take offence, that is your problem.

This is only a story, and it contains adult material, which includes sex and intimate descriptive details pertaining to genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then don’t read it.
The image used for the Title Presentation here on BigCloset Topshelf was purchased and used under royalty-free license from / user Flisk .
Please enjoy.

Part 1


With tyres screeching, the Land Rover Freelander 4x4 took the bend almost on two wheels, speeding up the ramp to the Maternity Ward entrance.

Pulling to a halt just inches from the door, the driver jumped out, ran round to the passenger door and opened it. He was a large young man in his mid to late twenties, wearing a worried expression and some clothes,

The passenger seat was pushed back as far as it could go, so the passenger, a strikingly attractive young blonde woman, apparently in the later stages of labour, was doing her breathing exercises, as the contractions were coming thick and fast.

“Oh Robbie, it’s coming, it’s bloody coming, do something!” the woman said.

The staff, well used to close calls, had a trolley by the car very quickly, so she was being wheeled into the delivery room a minute or so later. The girl’s husband held her hand all the way in, to be briefly separated as they insisted he put on a gown.

“Her waters broke, we were on the motorway, so I got here as quick as I could,” he said.

When he next saw her, she was lying with her feet in the air, in stirrups, as the midwife said, “Ten centimetres. All right, Mrs Alexander, you can push now!”

Her husband, Robbie, held her hand, wincing as she crushed his fingers each time a contraction came.

“There’s the head. All right, Mrs Alexander, we are on the home stretch, just hold it, wait for the next contraction, and then push, push for all you’re worth!”

“It’s all right, my love, it’s all right,” her husband told her.

Martina looked at him. “No it bloody isn’t! It bloody hurts! Oh my God, here it …. Arghhhh!”

“Arghhhh!” said Robbie as his fingers were reduced to a mushy pulp.

“Push!” said the Midwife.

“Ow! Fuck!” said Robbie, as his fingers were crushed.

“That’s what started it,” said his wife as the contraction subsided, only to have another one almost immediately.






“Here it comes, keep pushing,”


“One more push!”



“Waaaaaah! Waaaaaah! Waaaah!”

“Oh shit!”

“Thank God!”

“It’s a girl. Congratulations Mrs Alexander, you have a beautiful baby girl.”

Martina was about as knackered as she could ever remember, and she had been knackered a few times.

They handed her the little bundle wrapped in a blanket, so she held her little daughter to her breast, immediately the wonderful thing that is nature, told the little child to suckle, and Martina cried and laughed at the same time.

Her husband, smiling through his own tears, held out a finger, one that had not been mangled, which the tiny baby girl gripped tightly.

“Well done, my love, well done; you only went and bloody did it!” he said.

She smiled, looking at him through her tired eyes, her face strewn with sweat. One of the student nurses bathed her face with a damp cloth.

“No, Robbie, we did it, we did it together, just like every other time!” she said, and looked back at the little girl on her breast.

They were quiet, as they watched their beautiful daughter.

“Shall I phone your mum?” he asked.

“Yes please, tell her I’ll ring her when I feel stronger,” she said.

“You’ll probably see her in a couple of hours, do you think she’ll want to miss this?” he said, with a smile.

Smiling back, she shook her head, so her husband went out of the ward to use his mobile phone.

She gazed at the little person she now held, and the tears flowed down her face, she was so happy.

Her husband returned.

“She’s on her way. I expect all the cameras on the M3 will start going off in a few minutes,” he said.

He sat down beside her, and the staff finished cleaning her up, pulling up the clean bedding.

The midwife came over.

“Well done, she is a fine little girl, weighing just over three kilos.”

“Are you sure she’s alright, she is definitely a little girl?” Mrs Alexander asked.

The midwife thought that a rather odd question, but said, “She’s absolutely perfect, she’s beautiful. You can rest here for a while, the doctor will be round in a little while, as you may well be going home tomorrow. How are you feeling?”

Martina looked at her baby, and then at the midwife. “You have no idea how happy I am,” she said, with a huge, but tired smile. She looked to the corner of the room, smiling at someone who wasn’t visible.

Her husband held her hand.

“Who’d have thought that this would ever have happened?” he said.

“Oh Robbie, I always hated rugby!” she said, and settled down to a doze.

Robert looked at his wife and daughter, and thought of the amazing road that had brought them to this place.
Chapter 1
It had started when he was very young. His mother, Jenny, treated him as her special one. She had wanted a daughter, as she had four boys already. As Martin was unlike his brothers, in that he was quite a placid baby, she had lavished a lot of attention on him. Like Joseph in Genesis, his brothers did not appreciate this, so took it out on him when she was not looking.

The boys, Mark - twelve, Peter - nine, Simon - five, and Richard - five, were all a chip off the old block, so went at life full tilt. Their father, Charles, was a senior executive in the petrochemical industry, so spent a lot of the time travelling the world. Indeed, Charles and Jenny had spent much of their marriage living in various locations. In fact, all the boys were born in different countries. Martin was born in India, having had his birth registered with the British Consulate. Indeed, just after he was born, Charles decided that it would be better for the boys to have a base in Britain, particularly as they were all at school, so it was cheaper than shipping or flying them home for the holidays. Thus, Jenny would spend many months alone, while Charles conducted his business in whatever country he happened to be in at the time, often for months on end.

Martin had always been the subject of his brothers’ rough-and-tumble games, which usually ended with him in tears. Occasionally, his mother would take him over to some friends to play. These friends, the Cartwights, had twin daughters, Caroline and Amanda. They were the same age as Martin, so he thoroughly looked forward to his visits with them. As Martin grew up, he came to realise that his mother was rather lonely, as his father spent so much time abroad. Both of them looked forward to their time with the Cartwright family.

Hugh Cartwright was an accountant who worked from home. Susan, his wife, was an artist, with a studio in an old converted stable block on their land. Jenny and Susan had gone to school together, so were very close. Jenny would unburden herself whenever she was with her friend, as she rarely had the opportunity to share her feelings with her husband.

When Martin was six, the other brothers were all boarding at their respective schools, so he was the only one left at home. Indeed, his eldest brother was about to leave school, with his eyes set on Sandhurst and a regular commission in the army.

Martin was attending the local primary school, until he turned eight, at which time he was due to follow his brothers to Halsey House, their prep school in Wiltshire. From there they would all go on to Granton College in Devon, the public school that their father and grandfather had both attended.

The older boys stayed at school for the whole term, even at weekends, with the exception of half term. So Martin was, in effect, an only child for most of the time. His mother enjoyed having him around. It was 1972 and she was reluctant for him to cut his very blonde curly hair. It had grown way past his collar and over his ears.

He loved being alone at home. He adored reading and painting, so would sit in one place quite happily all day. His mother was pleased, as she couldn’t wait to get rid of the other four, as they had been so rumbustuous that they drove her mad. The local school was a small one, at which he was found to be very bright early on. He was moved up a class, as his ability far exceeded his age group. A quirk of fate determined that in this particular school, at this time, there were more girls than boys.

The teachers were predominately female, certainly amongst the younger age groups, and Martin enjoyed his time there. He loved art best, at which his teacher was very encouraging, as he was thought to be very gifted. Play time was not segregated as in some schools, so his tendency to sit and read, or watch the others run around, meant he avoided some of the more aggressive activities. He was introduced to bullying, in a small way, whilst sitting playing ‘cats cradle’ with one of his friends, Charlotte.

A red haired boy, called Bruce, called him a sissy and pushed him over. He had grazed his knee, but Charlotte had smacked Bruce across the face. This had caused Bruce to cry, so Martin, who had trained himself not to cry to avoid further encouragement to his sadistic brothers, laughed. This had made a mortal enemy out of Bruce, as a result he would take any and all opportunities to tease or goad little Martin.

Fortunately, Bruce was particularly unpopular, so three of the older boys took pity on Martin and protected him to some degree. So much so, that Martin did not lose any sleep over Bruce.

On one trip to the Cartwrights, six-year-old Martin was in the girls’ room, playing with the girls and their dolls’ house. He decided he needed to go to the bathroom. He quietly got up and walked down the landing. He went to the bathroom, did what needed to be done, and left. On his way back to the playroom, he heard his mother talking downstairs.

“Martin is so unlike his brothers, he is like a little angel. He is far too nice and gentle to be a boy. I often think he should have been born a girl. You are so lucky to have girls, Sue.”

“Martin is a sweet boy, but don’t you think that you ought to be careful not to mollycoddle him too much? You never know he may turn out a bit, you know, pansy,” Susan replied.

“Oh, don’t talk piffle. He is just a more sensitive boy than the others. Besides, he is so much easier to have at home. I was hoping that Charles wouldn’t mind if we didn’t send him to prep school, he is doing so well locally. But, Charles is insistent, besides the fees have already been set aside!”

“But he may loathe it,” said Susan.

“Oh, he probably will, but it will build character. At least, that is what Charles thinks.”

“What do you think?”

“I think he’ll be very unhappy, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Oh, why wasn’t he born a girl?” Jenny moaned.

Martin went back to the playroom, rather confused. The girls were dressing up and wanted him to join in. They were dressing up as Indians, and were already putting lipstick on their cheeks, as war paint.

“Have you got any cowboy stuff?” he asked.

“Yes, tons, over there,” said Caroline, pointing to the cupboard in the corner.

Martin went over and found a cowboy hat, a suede leather waistcoat with tassels and a gun belt. He started to put it on.

Amanda came over and pulled out a little suede leather skirt that matched the waistcoat.

“You’ve forgotten this,” she said, holding it out to him.

“I don’t need that, as I’m a cowboy, not a cowgirl!” Martin said.

“You can’t just wear part of a costume. When you dress up you have to do it properly, and wear everything!” said Caroline, in line with bossy little six-year old girls the world over.

“Otherwise you’re not doing it right. Dressing up has to be done right!” said her sister, who was equally bossy.

Unable to find a compromise with their logic, Martin was out-voted, so he pulled on the little skirt over the top of his shorts.

“You can’t wear shorts underneath!” admonished Amanda.

“You’ll have to take them off,” said Caroline.

“Why? You can’t see them,” complained Martin.

“Because,” said Caroline, looking at her sister, who was also trying to think of a good reason.

“Because we know they’re there and it spoils it,” Amanda said.

“Spoils what?” said Martin, confused now, as the logic was wearing thin.

“The whole thing. It has to be done properly,” said Amanda, stubbornly.

Reluctantly, he took off his shorts.

“There, is that better?” he asked.

The two girls looked at him, frowning.

“There’s something missing,” said Caroline.

“I know, boots!” said Amanda. She rushed to her room and returned with a pair of brown cowboy boots that her father had bought her when they went to America in the summer.

Martin took off his sandals and put on the boots, they were a bit tight, but okay.

“There is still something missing,” remarked Caroline.

The girls looked at Martin, who was getting bored with this game.

Amanda picked up the lipstick, looked at it and glanced at her sister, who grinned.

Before Martin could react, the girls had held his head and applied lipstick to his lips. They hadn’t done a very professional job, so Amanda ran to get some tissue to wipe most of it off again.

Finally, they announced that he looked the part. They took him into their parent’s bedroom, where he saw himself in the full-length mirror.

What he saw had a deep and profound effect on Martin.

He no longer saw the rather gangly little boy, but a very pretty little girl dressed as a cowgirl, with blonde curls under her hat, and bright red lips. Something stirred deep within his soul, which he later came to realise that at this moment he became what he saw in the mirror, in his mind at least; because he also knew that he would have to change back into Martin later. What he saw felt so right, this was the true person he wanted to be!

“We can’t call you Martin, looking like that,” said Caroline.

“We shall have to call you Martina,” said Amanda.

“I don’t like Martina, it’s too much like Martin,” said Martin, still transfixed at his reflection.

“How about ‘Tina’?” asked Caroline.

“I like Tina, it suits you,” said Amanda. “Tina it is.” She decided before Martin could react. But he was quietly pleased with the name.

“Let’s show Mummy,” said Amanda.

“Oh yes, come on Tina,” said Caroline, as they each grabbed a hand, and pulled the reluctant Martin away from the mirror.

They ran downstairs, Martin experienced a feeling of excitement tingled with other feelings he could not identify, and not all were pleasant.

“Mummy, Mummy, we have a new friend called Tina. Look!” Caroline said, pulling Martin onto the patio, where the two women were sitting drinking coffee.

The two women looked at the new little girl. Susan immediately recognised Martin, but Jenny did not, at least not at first, for the briefest of seconds. She saw a very pretty little girl, and her first feeling was one of envy. ‘Why couldn’t I have a little girl like this one?’ she silently asked.

Then she realised who it was. Her heart raced, and then she felt confused.

Martin was standing coquettishly next to his friends, and he smiled, looking at her from under those large eyelashes he had. He really did look the part. He licked his little red lips, and Jenny felt as if a corkscrew had been twisted in her heart.

“Hello Mrs Cartwright.” he said.

“You look lovely, Tina!” said Susan, entering into the spirit of the game. “Doesn’t she, Jenny?”

Jenny was lost for words, but she managed to nod, and say. ”She certainly does!”

“Now girls, what have you done with Martin? Have you lost him?”

The twins burst into giggles, believing they had fooled their mother. Martin watched his mother like a hawk. Her face betrayed her inner feelings, and he walked over to her. He was desperate to please his mother. He took her hand in his.

“I can be Tina for ever, if that is what you want, Mummy?” He said to her.

Tears came to Jenny’s eyes, and Susan, realising how deep her friend felt about wanting a daughter, told the children to go and play in the garden. The girls ran off giggling, but Martin was slower. He seemed to know what his mother felt, and he so wanted to be the daughter she needed.

But Susan shooed him into following the girls, and he ran after them, laughing.

Jenny watched him run and was very silent.

“Are you okay, Jen?” Susan asked.

Her friend nodded, weakly.

“He must have heard me talking, earlier.” Jenny said, at last.

“They are only children! It doesn’t mean anything?” Susan tried to reassure her.

Jenny looked at Susan. Both women knew, that deep down something deep had taken place. Martin was never going to be like the other four boys, and Jenny felt so guilty.

“What have I done, Sue?” she asked.

Susan shook her head and shrugged.

They watched the three ’girls’ running about. Martin looked so much more at ease with his assumed identity. He tended to be awkward around other children, even the twins, whom he knew really well. But, of this awkwardness, there was now no sign.

Later, Susan called the children for some tea. The twins had lost the Hiawatha look, but the little cowgirl was still in costume. The girls kept calling him Tina, and he refused to respond to Martin.

Susan entered into it, and said, “Tina, would you like a piece of cake?”

“Yes please.” said ’Tina’.

At the end of the meal, Susan said, “All right, girls, you may get down.”

The three of them ran upstairs to the playroom.

Later, when it was time to go home, Martin was still in the cowgirl outfit. Susan told Jenny that she could keep it if she wanted to, but Jenny shook her head.

“No, I don’t want to make things worse. I hate to think what damage I have already done to the poor little chap. I need him to be as normal as possible from now on.”

Martin was reluctantly prised from his outfit, and only gave in on the promise of being allowed to wear it the next time he came!

The girls both shouted, “Bye-bye Tina, see you!”

Martin smiled, and said, “Bye-bye.”

Martin sat next to his mother in the car on the way home.

“Did you have fun today, darling?” she asked.

“Yes, lots.” he said.

“What was the best bit?” she asked.

“I liked dressing up best,” he said.

“That’s nice.” Jenny said. “Why did you ask me if I wanted you to be a girl for ever?”

“Because you wanted me to be a girl. I heard you!” he replied.

“Martin, my sweetie, I love you the way you are. Once you are a boy, you can’t change. But if you enjoyed playing, then just remember, that is all it is — playing. It can never be real. Do you understand?” she asked.

Martin nodded, but he didn’t understand at all. All he knew was that he felt a whole and happy person for the first time in his life, but he wasn’t allowed to stay that way!

The subject never came up again. Martin never forgot, and often became Tina whenever he played with the girls. He found, to his pleasure, that they had lots of outfits, nurse, ballet dancer, fairy, and his favourite, the cowgirl. But as Jenny and Susan had agreed to prevent too much of this female role playing for him, he found he was becoming frustrated whenever he wished to dress up in on his visits, something always happened to prevent it.

As they all got older, Tina was all but forgotten, except by Martin. Gone were the dressing up days; gone were the twins, as they were sent off to school. Martin went to prep school, and so began his years of utter despair!

His prep school - Halsey House, was run by a retired Naval Officer, who, according to him, had sunk the entire German Navy single handed. Martin’s older brothers had all thrived under his stern eye, and had all gone on to excel in their own way.

Martin failed to meet Commander (Retired) Hesketh’s demanding criteria. For a start, he loathed rugger, cricket, football and cross-country running. All of which came top of the Commander’s list of character building activities. Secondly, he loved art, music, and such soppy stuff that the Commander suffered because his wife taught art. In truth, the Commander had a belief that art and music sapped a man’s character, and apart from the Royal Marine band, he had no truck with such things.

Thus at the age of eight, Martin was dropped off at the school by his father, with his tuck box (in which no tuck was permitted) and one of his older brother’s discarded trunks.

Initially Martin suffered from acute homesickness, so for two weeks sobbed himself to sleep every night. Having repeatedly been advised to “stop snivelling like a little girl and pull yourself together”, Martin learned to channel his emotions, and began to cope.

To say he was miserable was an understatement, but he found a kind of level where he managed to exist without appearing to be too miserable. He made a few friends, mainly similar to himself, the weaker and more sensitive types, and kept himself away from any confrontations. Bullying was not so much as discouraged as enforced as being an institutional requirement. The dozen thirteen-year-old prefects wielded great power and authority, and woe betides any eight-year-old fourth former who should cross one of the many invisible lines.

However, exist Martin did, and due to his high intellect he persuaded the Commander that he had his uses. He was encouraged to enter a national poetry competition for under tens, and won! This brought ill-deserved publicity for the school, but the Commander was very pleased, nonetheless.

When Martin was eleven, he had found his niche, and with a select group of like-minded friends, they existed by causing the minimum amount of ripples in the pond of life. The Headmaster’s wife, however, was another story. She taught art, and as Martin had more than an average level of talent in that department, he found himself as one of her favourites. Her husband, on the other hand, would go out of his way to try to counteract any of the pansy ideas his wife might have given him.

It was his voice that also caused one or two ripples, as he was found to have a beautiful treble singing voice, but this did him no favours at all. All these, and an inability to look at a rugby ball without falling over, meant he was the recipient of much of the institutionalised bullying - all for the good of his character, of course!

He was a keen student in most subjects; in particular, he enjoyed his English lessons. For the beginning of the year, they were looking at drama, and the form master had written a play for them to undertake for the end of the school year, in the following summer. It was Martin’s second last year, as the top year was more concerned with the Common Entrance Exams to worry about drama. The play was set in 1950s America and was loosely based on the Guys and Dolls theme. It involved two gangs in New York, and their rivalry over the local turf. Being an all male school, the teacher had kept the female parts to a minimum. There were only three, the hero’s mother, his girl friend Gina, who was the heroine, and another girl called Nancy.

Never one to volunteer for anything, the cast was selected from those who put themselves forward. Needless to say, there were no volunteers to play the female parts. All boys-only schools usually faced problems in this area, as anyone who volunteers for such a role would be forever know as a ‘queer’!

The teacher did not push it, as he kept the two major roles of the hero and heroine for those who would do them best. Others who volunteered received lesser parts, and female parts were imposed upon other unfortunates. Martin, being a keen artist, volunteered to do the scenery, and was accepted with no problem.

The teacher told the class, “The secret of acting is to read the part so well that you can imagine that you are the person. You must really become them, and think the way they do, and try to feel the way they feel. You must lose who you really are, and become the person you are playing. Very few actors get it right.”

However, as the autumn term progressed, each English lesson had the class reading the play. Those who had parts would read their own, and the rest of the class took turns to be the hero and heroine. Martin spent much of his spare time reading the play. He liked the part of Gina, as he imagined himself as the girl in the play. He read all the notes about the direction, attempting to visualise himself as her in everything he did. It got to the point when he would look forward to going to bed, as he could lie and pretend that he was Gina, to his heart’s content. There was not a day, or night, that passed when he did not wish he was a girl! Still, every night he prayed that he would wake up and find himself female.

He came to the point that he knew her part of by heart, and not only that, he knew all the parts of the characters who spoke lines with her. One day, it was Martin’s turn to read Gina’s part. It was his favourite part, she had the longest speech in the play where she was giving the hero, Matt, a hard time, as she wanted him to stop his gang fights.

Martin found a strange thing, as he began to read the part, it was as if Gina became his feminine alter ego, and took over. He even adopted a slight American accent and a stubborn pose, letting the girl within him take full control. He knew the part so well, he didn’t refer to the written page at all, so the boy who had to read Matt’s part struggled to keep up. So much so, that the teacher took over Matt’s part, and the two of them continued until the end of the scene.

There was a moment’s stunned silence, and then the teacher, Robin Parker, started to clap. Soon the whole class was applauding, and Martin felt his cheeks go fiery red.

“Well, well, well!” said Mr Parker, “It seems we have found our Gina! Collins, where have you been hiding the thespian we have just discovered?”

Martin was confused. By getting this part, he knew the stick he would get from his peers, but he had secretly wanted to do it ever since they started. The thoughts of being Gina, wearing her clothes and being a girl, just for a while excited him in a way he had never experienced.

There was no way out, Mr Parker had selected him to play the leading female role, and everyone was there to see it happened. He was content that he hadn’t volunteered, so was able to pretend that he didn’t want the role, which, for the most part was believed.

The rest of that year went in a blur, and Martin truly was as close to being the happiest he had ever been. He put his heart and soul into his part, and as the summer term started, Mrs Hesketh even managed to persuade her husband to allow Martin to keep his hair long for the part. It was mid 1970s and long hair was more acceptable for boys. The school did have some wigs, but they closely resembled some poor animals that had come to a premature and sudden end on the main road!

She took it upon herself to deal with the wardrobe department, and took her job very seriously. The boys’ costumes were easy, jeans and leather jackets, but she needed to produce some authentic looking 1950s girls’ clothes. She scoured the second hand shops, succeeding in producing some stunning dresses and skirts, which she could adapt for the roles.

The part of Matt’s mother went to a slightly over-weight lad called Andy, who was the class clown. He revelled in the role of a large Italian/American matron, and over-acted dreadfully. He was perfect. One of Martin’s friends, Jonathan, played Nancy. He and Martin were very close, and Martin felt that Jon was as pleased as he was to play a girl. However, neither boy dared to speak their feelings out loud.

Martin was twelve now, but was still immature compared to many of his peers. He noticed that others were growing pubic hair and their voices were dropping, as were their testicles. Martin was still relatively hairless, still retaining his lovely treble voice.

One double English lesson, Mr Parker announced that the boys were going to rehearse the gang fight scene, and the three ‘females’ were sent to see Mrs Hesketh for wardrobe fitting.

Andy was given a large black dress, consistent with his part, and a grey wig, with a bun. He tried everything on, and as nothing required alteration, he returned to the class.

Jon and Martin were next. Mrs Hesketh produced three dresses and two skirts with tops for each of them, as they had to wear a different outfit in each of the acts. She was delighted with her needlecraft, as actually they were very well done. She also had some tights, white ‘Bobby’ socks and some girls’ shoes.

“Take off your shoes, socks, shirts and shorts.” she ordered. “And let’s get sizes sorted out.”

Jon was taller than Martin, by an inch or so. He was also heavier built, so he was given the larger ones. Martin was 5’4”, and he was given his first dress.

“We need to pad you out a little, you are supposed to be 18 year old girls, so put these on,” she said, handing the two bemused boys their first bras!

She had to help them into them, and showed them how to do them up.

“Now we need to fill them. I learned this little trick years ago, and it is so much more realistic than socks!” she said, and gave them two balloons each.

“Go to the tap and fill these up until they are each the size of a small ball. Then tie them off, letting the water filter out, so no air causes them to slosh about!” she told them.

They went and filled the balloons up with warm water, and tied them as instructed. They then placed the balloons into the bra cups, and they were astounded to see how well they fitted. Martin experienced a very odd feeling. It began very deep down, and fluttered around, he had never experienced anything like it before, and he felt embarrassed at enjoying the sensation.

He joked with Jon, and the two boys made exaggerated camp poses, and Martin realised, that there was very little effort needed to play act.

They returned to Mrs Hesketh, who smiled and clapped her hands.

“Wonderful, they look marvellous. Now let’s look at the dresses!”

The boys spent some time trying on the dresses, skirts and tops. Mrs Hesketh started with Jon, and pinned them where they needed taking in. She also had a long brunette wig that suited him very nicely.

Martin was left trying on his selection. He thought them all really pretty, and he loved the feel of them. The freedom of a dress or skirt gave him a thrill, and he had that feeling again. There was a large full-length mirror on the wall, so he admired himself in it. His hair was, by now, the longest in the school, but still he had eight weeks to go! He pulled it back into a six-inch ponytail, tying it off with an elastic band.

He loved the shape of his breasts that the small balloons made; but his mind raced back to the cowgirl outfit. These costumes were much better, they were real 1950s style, with flared out skirts, and petticoats. He put on a skirt and a top with thin shoulder straps, which only just covered his bra straps. He looked at himself in the mirror, and was amazed at the attractive girl who looked back at him. He was very slender across the shoulders, and his arms were as much like a girl’s as they could be. He could not get used to how right the swell of the small breasts felt to him, and indeed looked!

Finally, Mrs Hesketh announced that she was happy with Jon and sent him back to class, in his normal clothes.

She turned to Martin, and when she saw what he had done to his hair, she laughed.

“Oh my!” she said, “Don’t you look the part? I think we were so right to grow your hair; it will be perfect by the end of term. You really make a very convincing girl.”

Martin was thrilled, so grinned with pleasure.

“Now let’s get the fitting looked at,” said Mrs Hesketh.

For the next half an hour she had him in all the costumes, and had very little alteration to do. She asked him to try on the tights, and then the last dress, which was a semi-formal dress that Gina wore for the prom Ball at the end of the play. It was silk and very slinky. Martin slipped it on, while Mrs Hesketh zipped it up.

She gave him some high heel shoes, which were almost stilettos.

“Try those on, I don’t expect you will be able to manage them, but I am interested to see you in them,” she said.

Martin put them on, and was instantly transported to a dizzy 5’7”. He walked up and down the room in front of her, and found them really easy to walk in. He tried to copy the girls in films, swinging his hips with each step he took. He walked very naturally, having no difficulty adapting his walk with the heels.

She was delighted.

“Excellent, come here, my dear, and we will try a little make up.”

She then applied eyeliner, mascara and lipstick to the boy’s face, and then stood back and admired her handiwork. She then rooted around in a little box and clipped on a pair of hoped earrings, and put a necklace around his neck.

“Perfect, have a look,” she told him.

Martin went to the mirror and gazed at the apparition that stared back at him, with sizzling eyes. The twelve-year-old boy was gone, replaced by a stunningly attractive girl, who seemed much older.

“Right, get out of those things and put them on the hangers. You have twenty minutes before you are due in the next class. I will have the alterations done in a couple of weeks, and we will try them all on again then,” Mrs Hesketh said, and then left him alone.

Martin experienced his first sexual feeling, and he lingered in the clothes a while longer. He pouted at himself and pulled the skirt up, exposing his leg up to the thigh.

He initially felt a strange feeling in his lower region. Not knowing what was happening, he lifted up the skirt, and pulled down the tights. He exposed himself, but was surprised that nothing happened to his very small appendage. He did, however experience a kind of warm feeling down there.

He then felt incredibly guilty, so hurriedly took off the clothes and washed off the make up.

He made it to class on time, but was not able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day.
Chapter 2
That night, he lay in bed and could not think of anything other than his reflection in the mirror. He tucked his small male appendage up between his legs, gazing at the result in torchlight under his bedclothes. He loved the flat feel to that part of his body, noticing for the first time, a light blonde fuzz had begun to grow across his pubic area. He massaged his flat chest and yearned to grow breasts. His heart ached, as he wanted with all his soul to be a girl! Thus aching, he fell asleep, with his bits still tucked away, in the vain hope they would be gone by morning.

That night, he dreamed he became the girl in the mirror. He felt the swell of her breast under her hand, the smoothness of the stockings and silk against her skin. He admired the long shapely legs in dark silk, and the high heels. An unseen male arm wrapped around the girls waist, and she leant back as the man gently kissed her neck.

Martin awoke; his crotch was damp and sticky and he didn’t know why.
The term progressed, classes came and went, games were played, and the play rehearsed. A tall dark lad called Rob Alexander took the part of Matt. He was nearly thirteen. He and his parents had lived abroad for many years, so Rob’s education was interrupted by a lot of moving about. His father was an architect, and they had been living in Oxfordshire when Rob started at the school. However, they had just moved up to Scotland, where Rob’s father originally came from. Rob was an excellent sportsman, and would be the captain of the rugby team next year. He was also in line to be the next Head Boy.

He was one of the few boys that Martin had time for. When Rob had first come to the school, he had been a little lost, for he had never been in an English school before. Martin had helped him find his way around and they had been friendly. Rob’s interest in sport had meant that they were never in close proximity, but Rob always pleasant to Martin, and came to him whenever he found some of the work hard.

He was a gentle boy, who just did his own thing. He was big for his age, but he would stop those who picked on the weaker boys, so the Commander had seen his potential from the outset.

The rehearsals took up the whole of Martin’s being. Now that Rob was to play opposite him, Martin became quite excited.

They were well matched, ‘Gina’ was blonde and bubbly, yet fiery, and ‘Matt’ was dark and brooding. The characters were well chosen, and Mr Parker was delighted with the two leading characters. The rest of the cast, however, he was not so pleased with, as most did not seem to have the commitment of the main players. Andy was excellent at the Italian mother, and rarely got through a scene without causing the whole cast to collapse in hysterics.

So much so, that Mr Parker rewrote much of the play to allow Andy a larger part, and it gave a new humorous depth to the whole production. He also expanded the role for Gina, giving her more depth and character. He had originally written rather two dimensional female characters owing to the reluctance of boys to pay female roles, but Martin’s enthusiasm changed it in this case.

Mrs Hesketh had altered the costumes, and the ‘girls’ had tried on their costumes and had been pronounced ready for the event. The plan was to have three showings on three successive days, one for the school only, the second for parents, and the third for more parents and local dignitaries and school Governors.

In order to try to persuade the rest of the cast to take it seriously, Mr Parker invited a local drama teacher to assist and to observe the final set of rehearsals. This lady, Hilda England, ran an amateur dramatic group in the town, and had been a professional actress and director for many years prior to retirement. In order to let the cast, particularly the ‘girls’, to get used to their attire, Mr Parker let them wear their costumes early.

Martin was delighted, so spent ages getting his makeup just right; he filled his balloons, making sure he looked as perfect as he could. He clipped on his earrings and put the necklace around his neck. His ponytail was now longer and Martin was very pleased with the way he looked.

Dressed in the first costume, a red and white checked dress, with short puff sleeves, and wearing red high-heeled shoes, he was very conscious of the noise of the heels on the wooden floor. He walked into the hall from the small dressing room to find a buzz of activity. At first nothing happened, but then gradually a silence fell. Mr Parker was standing at the back of the hall with the lady, but he looked round when he realised that a hush fell.

His mouth opened, but words failed him.

Mrs England turned towards the struggling teacher, saying in a voice loud enough to be heard by everyone, “Oh, Robin, how wonderful, you’ve managed to persuade a real girl to play the part of Gina, how clever!”

This caused great hilarity to all the boys, but to Martin, it was if he had just been given the best compliment in the world. Despite this he blushed very deeply, looking down at his feet.

Mr Parker was amazed. The person in front of them all was anything but a rather snotty twelve-year old boy. Here was a delightfully attractive girl, with firm breasts, an hourglass figure and legs that lots of girls would die for. Martin almost looked every inch his picture of the eighteen-year old Gina from New York! He experienced an unnatural desire, which he quelled immediately.

“Right! Places everyone. We’ll start from the beginning. From now on, we’ll call everyone by their character’s name, and use the word sheets as little as possible. Gina, you look very nice, but you’re in the wrong place,” he said.

Martin had forgotten what he was meant to be doing, but soon remembered, so the rehearsal began.

Gina took over his whole being once again, so ‘she’ didn’t refer to the words once, ‘she’ didn’t even have a copy to refer from. Rob was spellbound by the transformation, and was feeling confused at his response. He knew that this was Martin in a dress, yet as the play progressed, his mind became blurred and, as ‘she’ was so convincing, he became to believe that Gina was a real girl. He responded in kind and the relationship between the two was electric.

The rest of the cast, apart from Rob, Andy and Jon, were wooden and rather poor by comparison. Much to Martin’s delight Mr Parker kept stopping the rehearsal, to go over parts for a first, second or even third times, so his time as Gina was extended.

In the final scene, Matt gives up his gang and joins the US army. He comes to Gina’s house to say goodbye as he goes off to the Korean War. She was behind the door, refusing to come out, having told him that it was over and she never wanted to see him again as long as he belonged to a gang. His last line to her was, “I’m sorry but I’ve joined a better gang now. I’ve enlisted in the army and am shipping out to Japan tomorrow!”

She then opens the door to see him in uniform, and the finale is simply an embrace. Then up behind him come his old gang, all dressed in army uniforms, they salute the audience as the curtain falls.

They reached the last line, and ‘Gina’ opened the door. Mr Parker watched with a dry mouth, as the ‘girl’ reached out so tenderly and brushed ‘Matt’s’ cheek. This was not in the script, neither were the tears on the ‘girl’s’ face, but the look of such tenderness was so real that he felt the emotion rising in himself. Then the couple embraced, locking their lips together in the final kiss.

The curtain fell and there was another stunned silence, broken by Mrs England clapping and shouting “Bravo, very well done. Splendid effort!”

The curtain raised and the whole cast stood there. All holding hands, they bowed, as per instructions, and the curtain lowered. When it was raised the next time, ‘Matt’ and ‘Gina’ stood on their own, still holding hands. Then Matt bowed, and Gina curtsied. This was not as instructions, but Mr Parker had to admit that it was in character.

“You mean to tell me that that girl is really a boy?” Mrs England asked.

“Yes, his name is Martin Collins,” said a bemused Robin Parker.

“Well, you have the makings of a wonderful actor there. I never for a moment doubted that Gina was real, she looked every inch a real eighteen year old, and the accent was just perfect. He is a very gifted boy,” she said.

“Gina! I mean, Collins, come here, please,” shouted Mr Parker.

Mrs England watched as the boy walked over to them. The play was over, but the ‘girl’ remained. ‘She’ walked with a swing of the hips and a lift of the chin. ‘She’ brushed her hair from ‘her’ face in a very feminine gesture, holding ‘her’ arms and wrists in an equally feminine manner. This was no act, Mrs England recognised Martin for what he was, yet he didn’t yet realise for himself!

“Yes sir?” ‘Gina’ said, even the voice had a breathless, slightly sexy, but very definite girl quality.

“That was very good indeed. You have a natural ability. I want you to meet Mrs England, she’s an actress, and runs a drama group in town.”

“How do you do?” said Mrs England, shaking the boy’s hand. But noting that this was not the way any boy she had met shook hands.

“Mrs England,” ‘Gina’ replied.

“I think you were just brilliant. Do you want to be an actress, sorry, an actor, when you leave school?” Despite herself, Mrs England could not really accept that this was a boy. The voice, the figure, the poise, the mannerisms and the features were all so female. This was to all intents and purposes, a very beautiful and relaxed young lady.

“I don’t know yet. I shall have to wait and see. I certainly have enjoyed this play, it’s my first one,” Martin replied.

“Your first? My, you’re very talented. I really believed you were ‘Gina’,” she said.

“So did I,” replied Martin with a smile. The ‘girl’s’ face lit up, and Mrs English wondered how this poor child could ever have been born as a boy.

“Right, Collins, go and change,” Mr Parker instructed, then, raising his voice, he made an announcement for the whole cast.

“The full dress rehearsal is next Wednesday; and then the performances on the following three days. The rest of you have got a lot of work to do.”

Mrs England said something to him, and they chatted for a few moments. After which, he made another announcement.

“Right, just so you’ve something to work for, you’ve just been invited to put this on again but in a real theatre. The local drama group would like you to put this on next week, but on Sunday afternoon in the town theatre. They normally have a show for the old people and other groups, and if we’re good enough, we get to put the play on there. This will be followed by a slap-up meal in the theatre, and may give you something to put some effort in for!”

‘Gina’ walked to the dressing room. Andy and Jon had already changed, so were about to leave.

“Cor, Marty, you look just like a real girl,” said Jon, with some awe in his voice.

“Careful, you don’t want some old queer fancying you,” said Andy, making loud kissing noises.

Martin laughed, and the boys left him alone. He stood in front of the mirror. Gina looked back. He didn’t want to change, as he was so happy as Gina. He loathed the grey shirt and shorts, and the mean and nasty ways of the boys. He wanted to be a girl. Oh, how he wanted to be a girl!

He started to cry, gently, watching fascinated as the mascara ran down his face. He went to the basin and washed his face. Then he took the dress off and hung it on the hanger. He took the tights off, thought for a moment, and then pulled his clothes over the bra, removing the balloons first and letting the water out. He loved the feel of the restrictive garment, so put the balloons and tights into his pocket. He brushed his hair back, into some semblance of order, and then he went and joined his classmates. Mrs England was still there, so she came up to him and spoke to him for several minutes. She found him shy and slightly awkward. He seemed to have little self-confidence, totally contrary to the brief time she had seen him as a girl.

He then had to go off to class, but she was convinced that the poor child would face extreme difficulties as he grew up.
Later that night, when everyone else was asleep, ‘Gina’ came alive once more. Martin went to the washroom and filled his ‘breasts’ with warm water, and then he pulled on the bra and tights, pulling his pyjamas over the top. He walked back to the dormitory, slipped his pyjamas off and lay in his bed, feeling the swell of his balloon breasts, and the smooth sleekness of his legs. He felt the familiar warm feeling down below, and lay on his tummy, with the palms of his hands against the front of his thighs.

He slipped the tights down slightly, and as he felt the tights slip over his bum, he imagined Matt, from the play, taking them down for him.

He felt the pressure of his ‘breasts’ against his chest, as he gently rubbed himself against the bed. In his mind he saw Matt leaning towards him, and he was Gina again. Gina held him close, and their lips met, and their tongues touched.

He then felt really confused and guilty, and took off the girl’s clothes. He would return them the next day, riddled with guilt.
The weekend went quickly, but Martin could hardly wait for the final dress rehearsal on Wednesday. He would get the chance to wear all the costumes, and he was constantly excited.

On the Sunday, after church, he was sitting in the library, reading a book, when a shadow fell across him. He looked up and saw Rob.

“Hi Rob. What’s up?” he said.

“Marty, it’s about the play.”

“What about it?”

“It’s the kissing bit. I’m not sure I like it. It is not in the script, and, well, I’m not sure it’s right.” Rob was clearly confused.

“Yeah, I know, I’ve heard the same thing you have,” Martin said. He knew that Rob hated to feel that the gossips could make him change his ways. “I just thought it was better for the play, but if they are going to call us names, then you are probably right. We’ll drop that bit out.”

“Who’s been calling you names?” Rob asked, frowning. He was not far off six foot, so was afraid of no one.

“Oh, lots of guys. They call me a queer because I’m playing a girl, even though they all know that I was told to do it. So they probably think you are too, because of that kissing thing. I’m sorry, it just seemed to make the play more believable and realistic.”

Rob frowned, and then said. “I agree, let’s keep it in, they can talk all they want to. I’ll show them!” With that he stomped off, leaving Martin feeling that he had won.

Martin was reading a book by Neville Shute, called, ‘A Town Like Alice’. It was about a young English girl, Jean, who was in Burma when the Japanese invaded, and the Jap authorities, not wanting to take responsibility for the group of women and children, made them march for hundreds of miles from place to place. On their journeys, they met an Australian prisoner of war, called Joe, who eventually was crucified by the Japs for stealing a chicken for the group.

After the war, both the Jean and Joe tried to find each other, and fell in love, and settle in Australia on a cattle station. Jean wanted to make the little town in the outback just like Alice Springs.

There was one part in the book when the couple went to stay near the Great Barrier Reef, and Jean wore the sarong she wore in Burma, and there was a mildly erotic love scene. Martin identified with Jean, and relived the scene with Rob as Joe, and he as the girl. Not as a boy dressed as a girl, but as a whole and genuine girl!

But then he thought to himself, ‘Am I queer? I don’t fancy Rob when I’m like this; but I do want to be a girl and when I’m imagining myself as a girl I want boys to fancy me as a girl, not as a boy. Oh, what am I?’

Despite his inner turmoil, Martin continued his studies, and on the Monday and Tuesday before the plays, he had his form exams. He was not worried about exams, as he was a bright boy, who was always top of his class. Indeed, he excelled this year, again, and it made up for his poor reputation on the sports field.

By the time Wednesday arrived, he was so wound up he could hardly stay still. The cast had to be in the dressing room by 3 pm. The full dress rehearsal was due to start at 4 pm, and be over by teatime, 6 o’clock. The rest of the school had tea at 5 o’clock, but they made a special arrangement for the cast to eat later. The whole school were to see the Thursday performance, so they would have no audience for the dress rehearsal.

Martin was told to meet Mrs Hesketh at the dressing room by 2 pm, as she was planning something regarding his appearance. He was there by 1.45, and Mrs Hesketh arrived soon after.

“Right young Martin, let’s see if we can create young Gina again, shall we?” the Headmaster’s wife asked. “Go and put on your underwear, and don’t forget to use warm water in the balloons, otherwise you will get cold. Then put on the first costume.”

Martin was into the female clothes like a shot. He filled the new balloons a bit fuller, just to give himself a larger bust. His hair was now just the right length, so he brushed it out. He’d washed it that morning, so it was light and bouncy. After he slipped on the first act’s red dress, he went back to find Mrs Hesketh.

“Right, young Gina, I’m going to do something to your hair. We want you looking your best, and I think a semi-perm will make it last for all the performances.”

Martin sat and let the woman do things to his hair, but he was getting noticeably fidgety. Mrs Hesketh misread it for discomfort over the potential dramatic effect the perm would have on him.

“Don’t worry Martin, we will have it all cut off after the last show,” she told him.

Martin dreaded that, as he wanted to keep the hair. Admittedly, he was getting teased, but it was worth it.

Soon she was finished, so she showed him her handiwork. He was really astounded at the difference it made. He had a full head of long curly hair, and it made him even more effeminate than just the long hair.

At that moment Mrs England walked in.

“Hello Hilda,” said Mrs Hesketh.

“Am I late?” The other woman asked.

“No you’ve timed it just right. I’ve just finished her hair.”

Martin noted the slip, and felt a warm feeling all over. He wanted so much to be a girl.

Mrs England was carrying a large bag, and then she pulled out a large professional make up box from it.

“Right, let’s put on your make up, we want to accentuate your eyes, without smothering them in black.”

She carefully applied the eyeliner and mascara. Then she applied light blue highlights to both eyelids, with a tint of red in the inner corners. She smeared a touch of rouge onto Martin’s cheeks, and applied a bright red lipstick to his lips. She then painted over the lipstick with a gloss, highlighting his eyebrows with the dark pencil.

“You’re so lucky to have such a wonderful complexion, you don’t need and paint or too much powder. We’ll just put a spot on, so you don’t shine too much in the bright lights. But you will experience puberty soon, becoming all spotty, like everyone else.”

Martin was watching in the mirror. He was transfixed, and thrilled as he saw ‘Gina’ emerging once more. Mrs Hesketh took out a bottle of bright red nail varnish, and a file. She carefully trimmed Martin’s long nails to points, and applied the nail varnish to his fingernails.
Finally, with the jewellery and a ribbon in ‘her’ hair, both women declared themselves satisfied that ‘Gina’ was ready.

Martin had thought that the last attempt had made him look super, but this time it was even better. His heart was racing, and he felt that now familiar fluttering of excitement deep inside him. He was aware that his bits were tucked firmly between his legs, as he was wearing very tight girl’s knickers.

Martin could hear the others getting ready in the larger room next door. Jonathan and Andy came into the smaller room and started to change. Martin stood up, wearing the high heels. He turned round and looked at his friends.

“Fuck!” said Andy. “That’s amazing, you look bloody gorgeous!”

“Andrew!” said Mrs Hesketh. “I will not have such language!” However, she was smiling too hard to hide it.

“Sorry, Mrs Hesketh. But he looks a very beautiful girl, don’t he, Jon?”

Jon was staring at his friend, with ill-disguised admiration.

“Yes, he does,” was all he could say.

There was still over half an hour to go, so Mrs Hesketh suggested that Martin show Mrs England around the school to stop him fidgeting.

Martin had become ‘Gina’ once more, adopting, quite unconsciously, all the feminine mannerisms and characteristics that went with her. They left by the side door and Mrs England was amazed at the poise and confidence of the ‘girl’ he had become.

Gone was the awkward, shy little boy. This was a whole different person, oozing self-confidence and humour. Mature way beyond his appearance, or rather, mature in line with her appearance! As they walked around the school, Mrs England heard little of what her companion said, but observed everything.

Martin spoke intelligently and in a relaxed manner. ‘She’ came out with very funny and slightly cynical observations about the school and some of the staff and pupils. Mrs England observed the hand gestures, the way ‘she’ tossed ‘her’ head, and flicked ‘her’ hair with ‘her’ hand. She watched ‘her’ as ‘she’ walked with a definite sexy swing of the hips. She noted that ‘Gina’s’ feet were carefully placed in front of each other, as if ‘she’ had taken deportment classes, and ‘her’ shoulders were completely stable, with no sign of the masculine swagger that most boys adopted.

She was fascinated to see that the balloon ‘breasts’ were amazingly realistic, and ‘Gina’ seemed totally at ease with them. She also noticed that they had been filled a little fuller than the previous occasion.

Mrs England knew that no one had coached this ’girl’, so all this was completely natural. She had to smile, as she noticed that every so often Martin would notice his varnished fingernails, and hold them out and admire them.

“Do you like wearing these clothes and looking like this?” she finally asked the boy. She sensed that he was burdened with confused feelings and had no possible way of releasing them. She was right, as he frowned and tried to get his thoughts in order.

Martin blushed, grinning at her. “To be perfectly honest, I love it. I know that I shouldn’t, but it makes me feel, I don’t know, sort of grown up, or different. I really feel like it’s what I should be. I feel totally free and it’s like I don’t have to try to be something I’m not. I feel funny about it. I know that I shouldn’t feel like this, as no one else does. I would do anything to be normal, but I can’t seem to help it. I think I should have been a girl. It’s wrong, isn’t it?” Martin looked at her, his eyes appealing for clarification.

“Martin, it isn’t wrong, but you’re quite right, it’s not considered normal, really. You see, our society insists that everyone conforms to being either men or women. In each role there are things that men don’t do and things than women don’t do. Unfortunately, there are those who don’t fit into these boxes. I’m afraid that you might be one of those people.” Mrs England felt dreadful telling him, but knew that it had to be done.

Martin thought for a moment, but then Hilda was surprised to see him smile.

“Oh, I know I’m different, but I don’t think I’m queer. I’m just a girl born into a boy’s body. Someday, I will make it right, but right now I just have to live with it!” he told her.

Hilda was staggered at the depth of wisdom and maturity of the boy, no, of the girl. For she was now quite certain that this was not a boy, but as ‘she’ had correctly told her, ‘she’ was a girl, who happened to have been born into a boy’s body!

“You see,” Martin continued, “I’ve read about it. Queers are people who fancy people of the same sex. I don’t fancy boys, and I don’t want boys to fancy me, not as a boy. But when I am like this,” ‘She’ gestured to the clothes ‘she’ was wearing, “I feel totally a girl, and have feelings that girls have. I fancy boys now!” ‘she’ said, with a delightful smile.

Hilda could help but smile in return and took the ‘girls’ hand.

“You must take care, there are lots of people who will be beastly to you for feeling this way.” she told the poor child.

“Oh I have already had all that, but I know what you mean.” ‘she’ grinned again, “I have become very good at acting. I can pretend to be a normal boy quite well now. It is being a girl that comes so easy, and I don’t have to act at all!”

“You don’t seem to.” Hilda had to agree.

They were in the main entrance hall, and ‘Gina’ was showing Mrs England the photographs of the first XVs going back several years.

“Do you play rugby?” Hilda asked.

‘Gina’ smiled demurely, and replied, “they try to make me, but I am not really built for it, am I?”

Hilda had to laugh, and tried to imagine this very pretty, slightly built and ‘busty’ girl on a rugby pitch with lots of large beefy guys. It immediately brought other things to her mind, so she simply said, “No I don’t think you appear to be.”

At that moment and young fourth former burst through the door at a run, and ran straight into ‘Gina’, who staggered, and almost fell. ‘She’ managed to stay on ‘her’ feet, but uttered a very feminine shriek.

“I’m sorry Miss.,” said the little boy. “I didn’t see you.”

‘Gina’ put her hands on her hips, and looked cross at the offender.

“You didn’t look, did you?” ‘she’ asked.

“No Miss.” said the boy, unable to meet the pretty lady’s stare.

“You know you shouldn’t run through doors, or anywhere in the main building, don’t you?” ‘she’ asked.

“Yes Miss.”

“Why not?”

“Because accidents happen and someone may get hurt, Miss.” said the miserable little boy.

“How would you feel if I had fallen over and hurt myself?”

The little boy looked at his feet and muttered something.

“I am sorry, I can’t hear you!” the lady said.

“Bad Miss. I would feel bad.”

“You would feel even worse if the Headmaster saw you, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, Miss. I’m very sorry, Miss. Really I am.” The boy was almost crying, and ‘Gina’ began to feel sorry for him.

“Go on, and don’t run through doors again!” ‘Her’ voice was now calm and warm, and ‘she’ smiled at the small boy.

“Yes, Miss, Sorry Miss.” said the retreating boy, with a little smile.

Unbeknown to Martin, Commander Hesketh was watching this little exchange. He came out of his study and approached the two females. Hilda England he knew, but he did not know her stunning young companion.

He saw a young woman whom he guessed to be around seventeen or eighteen. She stood about 5’ 7” in her heels, wearing a pretty, but slightly outdated, red and white dress. She had a lovely figure, with firm breasts and long slender legs, but the Commander was struck more by her confident manner than her appearance. He felt embarrassed that she should have been the victim of such rudeness, but he thoroughly approved of the way in which she dealt with young Wormley, the offending child.

“I am so sorry, ladies. These boys can be so thoughtless at times. I do hope you are unhurt Miss?” he said to Martin, who blushed deep to his core.

“I am fine thank you, sir,” Martin replied, automatically.

Then the identity of this girl slowly dawned on the headmaster. His wife had told him about Martin, and how talented she felt the boy to be. He disapproved of his wife’s idea of pampering the boys, and in particular he disapproved of sissyfying boys to make them do plays as females. But as he watched this young man, and his talent, which he no doubt had, he changed his mind.

To Martin’s surprise and relief, the Commander burst out laughing.

“Very good, excellent! My God, Collins, you even had me fooled. Absolutely first class, I wouldn’t have believed it was possible. I must come and watch the dress rehearsal. Splendid, absolutely splendid, you really had young Wormley worried.” The headmaster was actually pleased with him, and Martin couldn’t believe it.

The Head appeared thoughtful and slowly an enormous grin spread across his face. Martin had never seen him smile like this before.

“I tell you what,” the Head said, “the fourth form are on a reading hour, and are making a hell of a racket, I was just going to go and give them a rollocking. Just pop your head in and tell them to be quiet, I want to see what happens. There’s a good chap.”

Before Martin could say anything, the Head propelled him down the corridor towards the fourth form class. The fourth form housed the seven and eight year olds, the youngest group in the school. Mrs Hesketh usually taught them, but as she was so involved in the play, they were on an unsupervised reading hour.

Mrs England watched Martin carefully, so to her surprise she noticed that instead of crumbling back into being just the boy dressed as a girl, the ‘girl’ prevailed and, if anything, ‘she’ became more confident and in control.

They reached the door of the classroom, and a great hubbub could be heard inside.

Mrs England watched ’Gina’ as ‘she’ licked her lips, carefully, and opened the door and strode confidently to the front of the class.

“Just what do you think you are playing at?” ‘she’ asked the youngsters.

“You have been left alone for a few minutes, and now you are making such a noise that the headmaster has been disturbed!” ‘She’ noticed one boy standing on the tuck boxes at the back of the class.

“Smith, what do you think you are doing?” ‘she’ asked.

“Nothing Miss,” Smith replied.

“What do you mean - nothing? You’re not doing nothing, you’re away from your desk, you’re standing on someone else’s tuck box, and you’re looking completely stupid. Get back to your desk, this minute!” The rest of the class tittered, stopping rapidly under this strange young woman’s angry stare.

The boy scurried back to his desk.

“Get your reading books out now, and read! You have plenty of time to muck about later, now you should be reading! You, at the back, are you eating something?”

“No, (gulp) Miss,” the offender lied.

“Not any more you aren’t, because you swallowed it! What was it?”

“Nothing Miss.”

“Rubbish, come here.”

The boy approached.

“Empty your pockets onto my table.”

The boy did, and out came a chewing gum wrapper.

“This is nothing is it?” ‘she’ asked.

“No Miss. Sorry Miss.”

At that moment, the Head walked in, joining Martin at the front.

“Thank you, Miss Collins. Right class, you all have fifteen minutes detention tonight, so I want no more silly business, and total silence, or this lady will be back. Got it?” he said.

“Yes sir,” was muttered from the class.

“Right. Come on Miss Collins, we have a play to get on with.” The head allowed ‘Gina’ to leave before him; it just seemed the natural thing to do.

Outside the door, the head closed it and started to laugh. Mrs England was also grinning from ear to ear. Martin felt quite pleased with himself.

The Commander placed his hand on ‘her’ shoulder, and said, “I may have totally misjudged you, my boy. There is a lot more to you than I had ever thought. My dear wife suggested you to me, and I had discounted it, but now I want you to be the deputy head boy next term. Rob Alexander will be head boy, and I have been wondering who should be his deputy. Having seen you in action, I believe you are the man for the job.

“Don’t you mean, ‘girl for the job’, sir?” ‘Gina’ asked, with a coquettish smile.

The head laughed some more, muttering, “Capital, capital. Off you go, don’t be late. I shall be in to watch later.”

Martin and Hilda returned to the theatre hall, and found that chaos had been now reduced to utter confusion.

Mr Parker was shouting everyone and anybody. Mrs Hesketh was checking the costumes, and boys were running all over the place. There was ten minutes to go, and Martin and Hilda just sat down in the front row. Hilda noted that the lad even sat down like the girl he thought he was. Her heart went out to the poor child. She realised that she even now thought of Martin as ‘she’ and ‘her’.

She watched him for a moment. Here was a girl, trapped in a male body in an unforgiving world. Calmly and serenely ‘she’ observed everyone rushing about. ‘She’ was about to take to the boards in ‘her’ first dramatic role, and yet ‘she’ was the picture of peaceful serenity.

“Are you nervous, my dear?” Hilda asked.

‘Gina’ shook her head, adoring the feel of her hair and of the large earrings.

“Not really, it’s only the dress rehearsal, isn’t it? This is where we can make mistakes and learn from them,” ‘she’ replied. “I expect I’ll be a bag of nerves tomorrow, though.”
Finally, everything was ready, and Robin Parker managed to get everyone where to they should be. The Headmaster walked in, sitting next to Hilda in the front row.
The curtain opened to a set of a coffee shop. Nancy was behind the counter, and the male proprietor was sweeping up.

Gina made ‘her’ entrance, and skipped over to the counter, to tell ‘her’ friend all about the guy ‘she’ had just met. Jon’s performance, as Nancy, was rather stilted at first, but in the face of a very relaxed and natural Gina, he began to relax, and, as Nancy, began to give a credible performance.

The Commander watched, spellbound. Hilda observed his reaction for a moment, and then whispered, “He is very believable, isn’t he?”

“Quite amazing. The boy should be a professional, as that is superb acting. I find myself continually thinking that he is a ‘she’,” he said, with a grin.

Hilda was in a quandary, as she knew that young Martin was as clear a transsexual as she had ever seen. Having been in the theatre for many years, she had seen many strange men and women in her time. The last thing she wanted to do was to make his life any harder than it already was, so she refrained from any further comment. She wisely judged that the Commander would not be sympathetic and, even if he was, there was little anyone could do for young Martin. Only a miracle would help.

The rehearsal continued, in which the lines were spoken, some well, some badly and many forgotten, yet they battled through. Every time young Gina took to the stage, the atmosphere lightened and the play picked up a pace. The cast all responded to ‘her’ enthusiasm and gaiety, and even the most wooden actor improved.

The final scene was on the porch of Gina’s home, to which ‘she’ had fled after an argument the previous night. ‘She’ was still dressed in ‘her’ black dress and looked wonderful, every inch the Prom Queen!

The final embrace was even more moving than the one they had seen in the previous rehearsal, as the kiss seemed to linger for rather longer than seemed proper. It had its effect, so when the curtain lowered, the Head stood up and applauded enthusiastically.

The curtain rose, to display all the cast grinning broadly. All except Gina, who was simply smiling radiantly. Mrs England stood with the headmaster, applauding equally enthusiastically. She locked eyes with Gina, who met her gaze in a very knowing way. ‘She’ nodded very slightly, and Hilda knew that that ‘she’ had found ‘her’ home.

Mr Parker was exhausted, but actually delighted with the way it had gone. There had to be some prompting, as several cues were missed, but essentially, it had been rather good. He was utterly amazed at the performance and very presence that Martin had on the whole production. He found himself swept up, as everyone else was, into believing, totally, in the reality of Gina.

Gina was on a high.

‘She’ was so wrapped up in that last kiss, that never did ‘she’ even consider that there was a little boy somewhere inside ‘her’. It was at that point ‘she’ fell in love with Rob, which was to cause poor Martin endless distress for some time.

Rob, on the other hand, was simply confused. It was after about twenty minutes that he forgot that Martin was playing opposite him, and instead, he was facing a delightful girl, whose obvious age and maturity was so much older that he, that ‘she’ made him feel very self conscious.

By the last scene, there was no doubt as to who was in control, so he was swept along with events, as was everyone else. The kiss was so natural and right, that never did he once consider or think that he was kissing Martin. He kissed Gina, and it was a beautiful girl who kissed him back. Unbeknown to Martin, Rob fell a little in love with Gina at the same time.

Robin Parker looked at his watch, “Right boys, you’d better go to tea now and change afterwards. I want to see Rob, Martin, Jonathan, Andrew and Peter before you go, please.”

The others all rushed off, leaving the five key players behind. The Head departed, giving them his congratulations, and Hilda also stayed behind.

“That was very good, chaps,” said Robin Parker, then he looked at Gina. “And ladies, of course,” he added with a smile.

Jon and Andy laughed, but Gina blushed and looked down at ‘her’ feet.

“If we do the real thing like that we will do very well. Gina, you were wonderful, and the rest of you must try to get your lines right. Rob, try to relax earlier, you started off rather stilted. Why did you think that was?”

“I don’t know, sir, but once I got into it, I found it easier. Having Gina, I mean, Martin, to do it with, somehow made it easier,” he replied, grinning at Martin, who blushed again.

“Right, Jon, you must stop scratching your head, I know wigs are difficult to get used to, but it was not good to see. Again, you took your time to get into part. Any ideas as to why?”

“Like Rob said, sir, I was nervous to start, but Gina just got me going.”

“Right, okay, who’s next? Ah, Andy, you were very good, very funny, but please don’t scratch your crotch or your bum, even if it does get a laugh. Okay?”

“Yes sir,” said a beaming Andy, who had thoroughly enjoyed his part.

“Finally, Peter. You are supposed to be a gang leader; you didn’t convince me you could lead a pack of Brownies. Be more assertive and hard. Imagine you are back on the rugger pitch, and you want the ball. Okay?”

“Yes sir,” said the shy Peter. He was a big lad, but was really so laid back, he was horizontal.

Robin looked at Gina for a final time. The ‘girl’ looked back at him, from under ‘her’ eyelashes. Robin swallowed, for he too, now recognised in Martin that which Hilda England had already perceived. He knew that this would take careful handling, as he did not wish to cause the boy more anguish than was probable or even likely.

“Gina, after tea, I want you to come back here and Mrs England and I will go over some little tricks that will give you an extra dimension to your part.” He looked at them all, and said, “I think you all agree that our leading lady carried the rehearsal, and she did brilliantly.”

They all agreed and gave ‘her’ a round of applause. Then they went off to have tea, still in costume.

The others were already in the dining room, and the rest of the school were in prep time. Rob and Martin walked over together, a little behind the other three. Rob glanced uncertainly at his companion. He knew that he was Martin, underneath, but he could see no sign of him in the person he was walking along side.

This ‘girl’ was so elegant and feminine, everything about ‘her’ was female, and poor Rob was hopelessly confused. Here was a thirteen-year old boy, passing through puberty, so realising the attraction of the opposite gender, only to be confronted by a member of the his own gender, who, to all intents and purposes, looked, sounded, and behaved just like a very attractive girl!

“You really look the part, I actually thought you were a girl for most of the play,” he said, embarrassed to admit it.

“Thanks, I really felt like a girl. To be honest, I quite like acting, and it seems to come easily to me,” ‘Gina’ replied.

“You don’t have to keep acting, you know. You can be yourself now,” Rob said, as he noticed that Martin still stayed in character as Gina.

Gina stopped, ‘her’ feet together, ‘her’ hands held in front of ‘her’, and ‘she’ looked at Rob, who was surprised to see tears in ‘her’ pretty eyes.

“Rob, can you keep a secret?” ‘she’ asked, ‘her’ voice quavering.

“What?” said Rob, looking worried.

“I don’t have to act to be Gina, as it’s just natural for me. I have to act all the time to be Martin. What’s wrong with me?” ‘She’ asked.

Rob felt more confused; all the edges had been blurred. He could no longer see where Martin stopped and Gina started. The girl in front of him was a girl. Maybe not underneath, but to every sense he had, Gina was real, and he felt like holding ‘her’ close. The little fact that Martin was in there, somewhere, stopped him.

He reached out his right hand and put in on ‘her’ left shoulder, touching ‘her’ bare skin, where the strap of ‘her’ dress crossed. Gina tilted ‘her’ head towards the hand, and lifted that shoulder slightly. ‘She’ raised ‘her’ right hand across ‘her’ body and touched his hand, and gave it a little squeeze. They both sensed a slight thrill, each recognising that there now existed an unspoken bond between them.

Gina smiled at him, and said, “Thanks for that, Rob. I needed to know.”

Then they quickly let go, in case they were seen.

“What happens now?” Rob asked, his mind in a whirl.

“We have tea.” said Gina.

He stopped and looked at ‘her’, as sure as anything, this was a girl.

“You know what I mean.” he said.

“You and I both know that nothing happens now. We both get on with our lives, and what we may want will never be possible. All I ask is that you never tell anyone. Please Rob!” Gina was now almost crying with frustration and anger.

Frustration at not being allowed to be a girl, and anger at the society what drew up such rigid lines.

“Gina, no, Martin. I will never tell anyone. I know what you really are, but it pains me that I can’t help you. If ever a miracle happens, come and find me. Okay?” Rob said with a grin.

“Okay. I promise,” said the ‘girl’, who quickly looked around, went up on ‘her’ toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I suppose I’d better start acting and become Martin again.”

Rob laughed, and said, “I suppose.”

The two went towards the dining room. As they approached Rob went to the lavatory, and Martin realised that he too needed a pee. At that moment, young Wormley walked very quickly round a corner and very nearly bumped into the same lady.

Martin fell back into the character of Gina, and said, “Hello, still rushing, I see?”

“Yes Miss. Sorry, Miss.”

“It’s all right. Can you tell me where the ladies loo is?” ‘She’ asked.

“Yes Miss, it is down the corridor and on the left. I’ll show you if you like.” With that, he walked off with Gina following.

At the door to the ladies, ‘she’ thanked him and went in. Faced with cubicles only, Gina went into the nearest one, and pulled down ‘her’ knickers and tights. A rather pathetic little worm uncurled from between his legs, he looked at it with a deep loathing.

He sat down and did what he had to do, pushed his horrible little piece of genitalia back between his legs, pulled his clothes back into place then flushed and left the cubicle. He repaired some mascara that had run with a piece of tissue, and looked at the girl looking back at him.

“Why, oh why aren’t you real?” he wailed at his reflection. Then he pulled himself together and went to tea.

The mood at tea was boisterous. The cast were feeling good about the rehearsal, as they were more confident that they could do it for real. Martin tried to join in, managing to give the impression of being just like the rest. Occasionally he caught Rob looking at him in a strange and almost possessive way. His heart gave a little flutter each time he saw him watching.

After tea, Rob and Martin were the last to finish.

“What are you doing now?” Rob asked.

“I have to go back to the hall, as they’ve got some ideas for my character,” Gina said, brushing ‘her’ hair from ‘her’ face with a hand, in a very feminine gesture. No matter how hard Martin tried, whilst wearing these clothes, he could not be anything other than Gina.

“Can I come with you?” Rob asked.

Gina smiled at him, and Rob’s heart melted.

“Would you? I’d love that, but what would everyone think?” ‘she’ asked.

“I don’t care what others think.” Rob leaned across the table. “Look, Marty, Gina, or whoever the hell you are. You’ve got me confused, as I know you’re Martin, and as Martin, I accept you as a friend. But, I also know you aren’t Martin. At this moment you are anything but Martin, and I want to be with the person you are now!”

A sparkle came to the girl’s eyes, as Gina came back with a vengeance. Martin was sent as far away as was possible.

‘She’ looked from under ‘her’ eyelashes at this earnest and sincere boy, who was frowning so hard ‘she’ thought his eyebrows would start mating.

‘She’ laughed, a delightful and musical sound, which surprised both of them.

“The person I am now wants you to be with me,” ‘she’ said. “You realise that this is going to be hard? The way it will look if we are not careful.”

Rob nodded.

Gina continued, “Look, the reality of this is simple. To the world, we are two classmates, who are involved in a play together. So far as we are concerned, we must never let it be seen as anything else, okay?”

Rob nodded again, but he was still frowning. Gina looked around and, noticing they were alone, ‘she’ reached across the table and took his hand; ‘her’ heart was thumping.

“Look Rob. Whatever I feel and whatever you feel, we can’t deny it, but we must never let anyone else see it. It could destroy us both, forever! Okay?” ‘She’ so wanted to tell him that she loved him, but knew that it would be a grave mistake.

Rob nodded again, looking into those wonderfully appealing eyes framed in mascara and blue. His head and his heart were in conflict, and Gina could sense it. ‘She’ squeezed his hand again, and said.

“I promise that Martin will never behave like Gina, and he won’t expect anything. Okay?” she said.

“Gina, I’m so confused. Who are you, really?” Rob said.

“Who do you want me to be?” ‘she’ asked, tossing ‘her’ head, and causing ‘her’ blonde curls to swirl around.

“I think I want you to be Gina.” he replied.

“Then, at this moment, I am Gina,” ‘she’ declared, laughing. “Come on, let’s go to the hall.” They stood up and started walking out of the dining hall, still holding hands. Just before opening the door, they stopped, and faced each other. Rob was still a few inches taller, despite her high heels, so he looked down into Gina’s eyes.

‘She’ looked back at him, and licked ‘her’ glossy red lips in anticipation.

Slowly, hesitatingly, almost in slow motion, he bent his head down towards ‘her’. ‘She’ reached around his neck and pulled him to ‘her’, their lips met.

The kiss lasted for only a second, but Rob felt himself responding eagerly, and he felt himself hardening in his trousers. He ran his hand across ‘her’ bottom and pulled ‘her’ gently against him, ‘she’ had both hands behind his neck and was thrusting ‘her’ pelvis against him, then ‘she’ drew away, smiling at Rob.

“You’ve messed up my lipstick now, and it’s all over you,” ‘she’ giggled. ‘She’ produced a tissue from somewhere, and wiped the lipstick of Rob’s lips. Then ‘she’ got him to tidy up ‘her’ lips. While he carefully cleaned around ‘her’ full red lips, he felt a hand gently caress the outside of his trousers.

“Don’t do that,” he said, frowning.

“Why not, you like it?”

“Maybe. But don’t, please. This is hard enough!” he said, feeling a mixture of confusion and desire, as well as some shame and guilt.

‘She’ smiled at him, “Okay. But remember, when the miracle happens you will be the second to know!” ‘she’ said, opening the door.

“The second?” he asked.

“I’ll be the first, but then I’ll be round knocking on your door!” ‘She’ laughed, and started to run away from him. He watched ‘her’ run. ‘She’ even ran like a girl, with ‘her’ arms going out to the side. He shook his head, it was getting too much!

He arrived at the hall a few seconds after Gina, where ‘she’ was already in deep conversation with Mrs England.

Robin Parker was drinking coffee from a big white mug.

“Rob, are you all right?” he asked, sensing that something was changed.

“Fine sir,” Rob replied. Then he dropped his voice, and said, “Actually, sir, I’m a little confused. Is that a girl or a boy?”

Robin Parker burst out laughing.

“You too? What, with the Headmaster, you, me, Mrs England, and nearly everyone else, all asking the same question. All I ask you is - what do you see?”

“I see a girl!” There was no doubt and no hesitation in his voice.

“Then, at this moment she must be a girl. Believe me, I have never in all my years ever experienced such a total and convincing transformation as this one.” Robin Parker shook his head. “But remember, after the day is over, we all must go back to normal. You understand how important that is?”

“What is normal, sir?” Rob asked.

Robin parker looked at the boy, for whom he felt much sympathy, as he recognised the signs.

“Normal is what our society decrees at any given moment. Sometimes one or two people fall outside of that. And, I fear that young Collins will probably be one of them,” Mr Parker declared sadly.

Rob was silent for a moment, and they both watched at Gina went through a small dance routine. ‘She’ was graceful and the dance was mildly erotic, particularly when ‘she’ spun and her dress flew up, exposing ‘her’ long slender legs.

“It seems so unfair, sir,” said Rob.

“What is?”

“That ‘she’ is not allowed to be what ‘she’ wants to be,” the boy said.

Robin Parker was surprised at the depth of understanding that the boy clearly held.

“Martin is not going to find life kind, that’s for sure,” he told the boy. “How about you, what effect does it have on you?”

Rob looked at him, “I’m a bit confused. When I was in the play, I knew at the start that it was Martin dressed up. But as we went on, I lost Martin, and this older girl appeared, and seemed to take over. By then end, I only saw the girl. Then at tea, the girl remained, and Martin has never come back. Don’t get me wrong, Martin is a friend, and I like him, but I could never fancy him. The girl is different. I get a strange feeling about her, as she is so unlike Martin, which I can’t explain. When we kissed in the play, I wasn’t kissing Martin I was kissing Gina. I find it very confusing.”

“Don’t worry too much, lad. Drama gets to you. You simply got so into character, each of you, so for a period of time, the play became reality, and you both became the characters. The only difference is that Gina doesn’t want to go back to being Martin. There is the problem, and it’s going to be tough on Martin!”

They sat and watched for a while. Mrs England had a very attentive pupil, and Gina eagerly sopped up everything the older woman said.

Finally, after nearly an hour, Mr Parker announced that the session should end. Gina looked very downcast, as the time had come to change out of the feminine attire. Mr Parker almost suggested that he could keep it on, and even get up into it in the morning, but before he could say anything, it was Hilda who spoke.

“Martin, it’s time to go and change. You must be back here early tomorrow to change back into Gina, but she must stay here overnight,” she said, very firmly.

Gina’s head came up, and her eyes sparkled, close to tears.

“Come on Marty, I’ll wait for you,” Rob said.

The girl’s head swung round so as ‘she’ looked at him a small smile came to ‘her’ lips. Rob recognised what he feared, but smiled in return.

“Okay, I won’t be long.” Gina made ‘her’ last exit of the day.
Twenty minutes later, a rather despondent Martin appeared, his long hair brushed back and damped down. Devoid of make up, and wearing his grey shirt and trousers, he was looking dreary and very plain compared to his female finery.

Gone was the elegant mature young lady, replaced by the awkward little boy. He gave the three of them a small smile.

“I’m sorry, I seem to have let Gina take over, a bit,” he said, his voice quiet and hesitant. Mrs England was quite taken aback. The transformation had been incredibly profound.

The two boys walked off together. Rob was feeling happier now, as there was nothing remotely attractive about Marty, so he felt that things were getting back to normal.

Marty, on the other hand, was miserable. The memory of the kiss stayed with him, so his desire to reach out and hold Rob’s hand again was almost overwhelming. However, dressed as he now was he knew he couldn’t, and wouldn’t. He felt cheated and dirty. His true self was hanging on hangers in the dressing room, so he was now playing a part for which he had no inclination. The rest of the day was depressing.

When he went to bed, he lay awake thinking on the events that had taken place. The play was fun, and he had loved every minute of it, but the kiss in the dining room had been the cherry on the top. His fingers sought out his little worm, at which he tugged in the vain hope it would come away in his hand. Oh, how he hated that little worm. He tucked it between his legs, locking it into place. He ran his hand over his smooth and flat pubic area, devoid now of any male features.

With his other hand, he felt his nipples, trying to pull the skin out to make some breasts. As ever - nothing happened.

The girl inside him began to cry, her silent tears flowing in the darkness. He cried out to an unseen God to turn him into a girl. There were no sobs, just a steady flow of misery, until the despairing boy fell asleep on a damp pillow.
Chapter 3
Martin awoke early, before anyone else, and his first action was always the same, every morning. His hand flew to between his legs, in the hope that he would find anything but that horrible little worm.

Much to his disappointment, the worm was still there! He got out of bed and went to the lavatory. He cleaned his teeth, staring at the boy in the mirror.

He noticed some blue make up in the corner of his eye, so he felt a tang of excitement as he realised that he could be Gina again later. He instantly felt better, and went back to the dormitory. He lay in bed, with the early morning sunshine streaming through the window. He dug out his book and read for a while.

He loved books, as he could lose himself in a book, so for a short time reality was non-existent. Martin hated reality, as it meant that he had to be something he hated so much.

The bell went at seven-fifteen, so he was up and dressed quickly. After breakfast there was assembly, during which the Commander stood up and made an announcement.

“As you all know, it is customary for me to announce the names of the two boys who will be the head boy and deputy head boy for the coming year. Next term will see Robert Alexander as the next head boy, and Martin Collins has agreed to be his deputy.”

There was a round of applause, and Rob looked very surprised. Martin had forgotten all about it, so he grinned sheepishly.

“Just for the record,” the Commander continued. “Martin is the fourth member of his family to pass through this school, and all have been head boys or deputies, so well done, Martin, for keeping the family tradition.”

Martin blushed, bowing his head, thankful that few could see him.

The rest of the morning passed without incident, so he tried to be as normal as possible, particularly with Rob, who kept giving him worried glances.

They all went to lunch as usual, and the Headmaster sat with Mrs Hesketh on a table of their own at one end of the long dining room. The boys all sat on tables of ten, ranging down the hall, in two rows. There were two places on the Head’s table, and two boys always sat with them, on a rotation basis. On this occasion, the current head and deputy head boys sat with the Headmaster.

At the end of the meal, the Head rang his little bell.

“Right boys, as you know the school play is having its first performance today, so I want all of you in the theatre by six o’clock. The cast will have sandwiches brought over at four, and then a late supper is being laid on after the peformance. Mr Parker, do you wish to say anything?”

“Thank you Headmaster. Cast, please be over for a rehearsal at two, which will give us time to get things ready on time. Thank you.”

The cast were all in the hall by two o’clock. Hilda, Mr Parker and Mrs Hesketh were already there when they arrived.

“Okay, girls, off you go with the ladies. The rest of you, I want to run through a few of the gang scenes. We are really not as convincing as I should like,” Mr Parker told them.

The ‘girls’ followed the Head’s wife into the smaller dressing room, and started to strip off their school clothes. Martin was almost shaking with excitement, and Mrs England watched with a small smile. She observed the boy discard his school clothes into an untidy heap, while he selected the female attire, as if they were the crown jewels.

“Martin, once you have your underwear on, can you come over here?” Mrs England said.

Within seconds, Martin was standing beside her, holding two empty balloons in his hand.

“You won’t need those, today,” she told him, taking a box from her bag.

“These are called breast forms. They’re made from silicone, and covered in a flesh-coloured, rubbery skin. They designed for women who have their breasts removed because of breast cancer, so they wear them before they have implants. However, they can be used in the theatre, either for men who are doing what you are doing, or by women who want to make their breasts look bigger.

“They look and feel much more like the real thing, so as you can see, they even have quite large nipples. I’m going to lend these to you for your three performances, but I want you to look after them.”

She took them out of the box, and helped Martin put them into the cups of the bra. His reaction was as if she had given him the most valuable gift, and he was grinning from ear to ear.

They went through the familiar routine, so within moments Gina was back. This time, she was a new improved version, and as Robin Parker saw her walk into the main dressing room, he was once again astounded at the difference. He couldn’t actually identify what that difference was; it was the same dress, the same shoes, the same hairstyle, and even the make up was the same. He noticed that she was wearing nail extensions, and they made her hands look incredibly elegant, and that she has some bracelets on her bare wrists. Then he noticed her breasts. His attention was initially drawn to the slightly protruding nipples, but then their general movement as the girl walked across the room. He could not take his eyes away from them.

Finally, he managed to drag his gaze from the chest region, glancing at the girl’s face, noticing that her eyes sparkled with excitement. It dawned on Robin that he was seeing the human equivalent of a beautiful butterfly breaking forth into the sunshine. He felt a guilty pang as he realised he was the one to make her change back into a grub.

Yesterday, she was seventeen going on eighteen, but today she was nineteen going on twenty! There was something about this girl that defied reason. There was total silence, as everyone stared at her. Robin realised that had Martin been the centre of attention, he would have curled up and died. Conversely this girl thrived on the attention. It was almost as if she drained strength from the attention, and the more people looked at her, the more she grew in stature and confidence.

She walked up to him and said, in a lazy drawl, “Why Mr Parker, my eyes are up here!”

Robin realised, with great embarrassment that he was staring at her rising breasts once again. He went bright red and looked at her eyes. They mocked him, and Robin Parker was instantly bewitched by her very presence. There was no way he could think of this person as anything other than a girl, and as he glanced around the room, he was not alone

Rob stared at Gina, all his confusion all melted away. Marty was nowhere in sight, as the Gina he was beginning to adore returned to him. Yesterday he began to relate to her after the play had started, but today he had already started.

He pulled up a chair, and said, “Sit here, Gina, and watch the rest of us get ready.”

“Thanks Matt,” said Gina, in her American accent, but smiling warmly at him. Rob’s heart went aflutter.

Andy made slobbery kissing noises on the back of his hand, causing everyone to laugh. The ice was broken, so the preparations continued. Only Mrs England noticed the meaningful glances and little smiles being exchanged between the leading couple.

She shook her head and walked over to Gina.

“Gina, come with me for a moment, I need to tell you something,” she said.

Gina stood up and followed her into the hall, where the props team were getting things ready. They walked to the back, and Mrs England asked Gina to sit down, and then sat next to her.

“I want to tell you something important, and I don’t want you to take offence, neither do I want you think that I’m criticising you. But you need to know some facts of life. I’m sorry to do this now, but I don’t want you or young Rob to get hurt.”

Gina was staring intently at her.

“Do you know what a transsexual is?” she asked.

Gina nodded.

“What do you think it is?” she asked.

“It’s what I am. A person trapped in the body of the wrong gender,” the girl replied, without hesitation.

“Right. I’m relieved that you already know. When did you first realise you may be?”

“I read a lot, and I don’t think I’m stupid. I only accepted it recently, I had first thought I was a homosexual, but when I’m a boy, I don’t fancy boys. Then I thought I was a transvestite, but that’s silly, as I have been dressed like this three times now, and I don’t get any sexual feeling at all. So then I realised I must be a transsexual. I may have the body of a boy, but I am really a girl,” she said, defiantly.

Hilda patted the girl on the shoulder.

“I know you are, you know you are, but the world does not. You may fool some people, but many will never be accepting. Now take young Rob,” she said.

“What about him?” the ‘girl’ asked, colour rising in her cheeks, as she raised her chin defensively.

“I’m saying nothing, but I’m not blind, and if you two are not careful, you’re both going to come a cropper!”

Gina said nothing, but flushed a deep red colour. Hilda knew that she was right.

“Oh, Gina, Gina, you poor soul. You know you cannot have what you want? Not here and not now. There may come a time and a place, but it isn’t here. Can’t you see that?” Hilda said very kindly.

The girl was on the brink of tears, and Hilda did not want to ruin ‘her’ first performance.

“Look, I was the only one who saw. You must be so careful, for both your sakes. You are both so young. The world is a very cruel place for anyone who is slightly different and, believe me, you do not want to start this young. Just enjoy the play, be who you feel you want to be, but don’t get emotionally involved with anyone, and I mean particularly Rob. For his sake and yours. You are not ready for this, either of you. Are you, really?”

Gina shook her head.

“Were we that obvious?” she said, in a small voice.

“To me, dear, only to me. But if you continue, everyone will notice. I sense you are confusing the heck out of poor Rob. Do you understand?”

Gina was looking at her hands, which were clasped in her lap. She nodded, lifting her head and looking at Hilda.

“Why?” she asked.

“Who knows? You are far too beautiful to be a boy,” Hilda reached out and gently stroked the girl’s face.

“Now don’t cry, and knock them dead!” she said.

Gina sat quietly for a moment, and Hilda felt guilty that she had knocked all the stuffing out of her.

Then the girl raised her head, lifted her chin, swept her hair back and smiled her charming smile.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?” asked Hilda.

“For caring and understanding. It makes it all easier,” Gina said, standing up.

Hilda was worried that she had gone too far.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You have confirmed to me what I already knew. I am a girl, and I’m an actress. To the world, I’m a boy, but that will change. I know what I want, and by golly I’m going to get it! I may have to wait, but I can be patient, and I promise that I won’t put Rob in any danger.

“Mrs England, I know I’m only twelve, but at this moment I look and feel an eighteen year old girl, so I hope I can be a wise eighteen. I would hate to hurt anyone, particularly Rob. Believe me, I do understand how difficult I’m going to find things. I’m strong, and I will be the person I want to be. I have found this acting so much fun, so I know I can act a boy’s part until he grows old and dies. But that will never happen. You see, I believe in miracles, and that’s all it will take, one small miracle. Just you watch!”

With a smile, Gina turned and strode to the front of the hall, and Mrs England breathed a sigh of relief. If anything, the girl was now even stronger, and Hilda began to believe that she would actually achieve her ambition. It seemed ludicrous, but for some reason, Hilda began to believe in the miracle that Gina so desperately wanted.

There was half an hour to go, and the cast were making those final touches that were so important. Hilda came up the front too, and helped Jon with his costume.

Gina went over to Rob, as he read through his lines.

“Rob, have you got a moment?” she said. There wasn’t a person in the room who considered Gina anything other than a girl, at this moment.

“Sure. What?” he asked.

“Out the back. It won’t take long,” she said, quickly walking into the back room. Rob followed her, feeling very uncertain and a little nervous. Ever since the kiss in the dining room, he was a little scared of his own feelings.

Gina closed the door and turned to faced him. She saw his worried expression and laughed. Reaching out with her hand, she gently stroked his cheek, then dropped her hand to her side.

“Dear Rob! I’ve been such a fool. Please forgive me?”

“For what?” he asked, a little surprised.

“For everything, you thick-head. For feeling what I feel, for being what I am, and for confusing us both. Rob, I want to be your friend. We are going to be together in this school for another year, and then if we both pass common entrance, we are both going to different public schools. I can’t live without your friendship, so don’t be confused. You’re a normal guy, and I’m the problem, as I’m something else! Until I really become the person I want to be, I’ll not be anything other than a friend to you, and would ask the same from you. I won’t ever forget that kiss, but unless we get to do some more acting, it will be the last one, other than to do with the play. Is that okay?” Gina said.

Rob felt an enormous weight lift from his shoulders. He was so worried about what was happening to them both, that it was causing him problems remembering his lines. He smiled in relief.

“Thanks, Gina, but you were not the only one at fault. I wanted to kiss you as much as you wanted to kiss me. I know that you are really a girl, deep down. But we have to live in the real world, and I want to be your friend too,” he replied.

Gina held out her hand, and Rob shook hands with her.

“Friends?” she asked.

“Friends!” he replied. Then he was confused, because he found that he now wanted to kiss ‘her’ even more!

Gina smiled, and said, “If you feel how I feel, then we have got to be strong!”

He nodded, noticing that he still held her hand. He looked at it. It was long and slender, with long beautiful nails, and the bracelets on her arm jangled. He looked into her eyes.

“Very strong!” he said, releasing her hand. They stared at one another, each wanting to hold the other, but neither wanting to be the first to move.

Gina smiled and said, “Who knows what’s ahead?” Then she turned and walked to the door. There she stopped and, without turning round, said. “Break a leg, Rob!” Then she opened the door and walked out.

Rob stood for a moment and tried to get his thoughts in order. On the one hand, she had released him from a feeling of guilt and responsibility, making it plain that their relationship had developed into something more manageable. On the other hand, she had been so mature and sensible that he found himself admiring her all the more. Marty was non-existent at this moment, so Rob tried to focus on the reality of Martin and the days to follow. He told himself over, and over: Martin is Gina; Gina is Martin. Then he thought, Gina is a beautiful girl, and I am her only friend. He held on to that thought, as it was the one he wanted to be true.

He then left the room and joined the others on the stage.

Mr Parker called them to order, giving them their final instructions.

Hilda noticed that Rob seemed much happier and was not looking so worried. She went up to Gina and whispered, “What did you say to Rob?”

“What he needed to hear,” she whispered back. “Just friends!”

“Good girl. That was very brave,” Hilda said. She noticed that Gina’s bottom lip quivered a little, and her eyes were rather too moist.

“It was very hard!” she said.

Hilda touched her on the arm. “Don’t cry, as you have to be strong. Things can only get better.”

Gina turned to look at her.

“Only one thing will make things better. Oh, Mrs England, do you pray?”

Hilda was surprised at the question, but she answered, “Yes, dear, sometimes I pray.”

“Then pray for my miracle. Pray every night just as I have done every night since I was six!”

“Oh, you poor girl. That long?” Hilda said, only just comprehending how deep the feeling went.

Gina nodded, her earrings jangling.

“Of course I’ll pray. But what am I to pray for?”

The girl turned and looked at her. “Do you really have to ask?”

“No, I’ll pray for the girl on the inside to become the girl in total, all right?”

“Thank you. I mean it, thank you. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone about this. It means so much to me.”

“You’re very welcome. Now go on and give the performance of your life.”

Gina nodded and kissed Hilda on the cheek. Then she jumped up and almost skipped onto the stage.

Robin Parker was organising the fourth formers to hand out the programmes. He checked though them and noticed a typing error. Instead of GINA BAKER…….MARTIN COLLINS, it read - GINA BAKER……..MARTI COLLINS. They had left out the ‘N’ on Martin.

A young lad called Wormley was speaking to another boy, Smith.

“That’s her! That’s the girl who I bumped into,” he said, pointing at Gina.

“Who is she? Isn’t she the one who was with the Head and gave us a roasting for mucking about. The Head called her Miss Collins,” said Smith.

“I don’t know. It says here she is a Marti Collins.”

At that moment, Andy overheard, so he waddled over, dressed as the Italian matron, with huge balloon breasts.

“She’s the cousin of Collins in the second form. She’s training to be an actress, so is helping out,” he said, and wandered off again.

Robin Parker had to smile, but said nothing. He knew that within moments, this piece of disinformation would be spread around the whole of the school.
The performance that night was a success. A few lines were messed up, but it went better than Robin Parker could have hoped. As they were only performing in front of the school, the cast were relatively relaxed. However, the next three performances were in front of parents and outsiders. That would be a whole different ballgame.

The finale was as good as in rehearsal, and he felt that the pair prolonged the kiss rather too much, but Gina and Matt were superb, in fact the whole cast were far better than in the rehearsal. Gina looked fabulous and she and Matt were given a standing ovation at the curtain call. Robin realised that at no point did he think she was anything other than a beautiful girl. He felt rather guilty about some of the feelings he experienced.

After the audience had left, the cast walked over for their late supper. As they reached the main building, Martin found himself mobbed by a group of fans.

Andy sidled up to him and said, “Marty, I’m sorry mate, but it seems they think that you are your cousin called Marti!”

“How did they get that idea? What did you tell them?” Marty asked, as he was not sure to be pleased or cross.

Andy grinned and shrugged. “I may have mentioned that Marti Collins was your cousin who was training to be an actress. Or something like that,” he said.

Seeing Gina, the group of 20 or so fourth formers, rushed over.

“Miss Collins, Miss Collins, can we have your autograph please?” they chorused.

Robin and Hilda laughed, and Marty was very gracious. Back in character as Gina, the girl spoke to all the young fans, writing in their little books or whatever they gave to her.

When they had gone, she saw that the cast had all gone in for supper, only Robin Parker remained.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Absolutely wonderful!” Gina said. “I’ve never felt as good as this, ever!” She raised her arms up and made a little pirouette.

“Remember this moment. When things are bad, hold on to this moment. You always need moments like these to make life bearable,” he told her.

Then he said. “Martin, it is time to come back to reality.” He was worried about the boy, as he felt that Martin was near to cracking. But the girl/boy surprised his teacher.

“I know. I really am okay now. You see, yesterday I thought I was a boy who wanted to be a girl, but today I realise the truth. I can live with the truth, as it’s easier,” Martin said.

“What is the truth?” asked Robin, a little perplexed.

“The truth? The truth is simple. I’m a girl, but my body is lying! Oh, and sir?”

“Yes. What?”

“Can you call me Marti from now on. I think it is quite appropriate, don’t you?” Marti, every inch a girl, turned on her heel and went to have tea. Robin Parker was alone, a puzzled and confused man.

Robin later walked into the dining room to find the cast in high spirits. Marti was sitting next to Rob and they both appeared to have lost the awkwardness that was apparent before the play. Robin put it down to nerves. Neither of the boys was going to enlighten him. Marti was still playing the girl, or rather, Marti was a girl, and had not yet gone back to playing a boy.

Robin Parker had felt sorry for the child. He was now unable to define, in his own mind at least, what gender to use in respect of Marti. He realised that he thought of Marti more as a ‘her’ that a ‘him’. He shook his head. Twelve-year-old boys shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of shit!

Marti caught his eye and gave him a slow wink of a mascara-laden eyelid. Robin no longer felt sorry for her, here was one person who knew her own mind, and to the devil with convention and social mores. Such was the impact she had on him, Robin Parker never thought of Marti as a boy ever again, even when he was in normal attire!
The next day, the whole school was talking about the play. There were several incredulous fourth formers who stoutly refused to believe that the beautiful girl they had believed was Martin Collin’s cousin was in fact Martin himself. This caused the rest of the school some degree of laughter, but the reality was far more profound. For, by the end of the play, there was only a handful of people who knew the truth, and the rumour had spread everywhere. In the light of her performance and appearance, the rumour was believed.

It was only at Assembly, the following morning, when the Headmaster, who had also heard the rumour, decided to stop it in its tracks. He found the whole situation highly amusing, and surprised his wife by announcing that he thought that, “Young Collins is a jolly good chap!”

But the rumour was not really going to help anyone, so the Commander said to the assembled boys.

“I think you will all agree that last night’s performance of the play was brilliantly done. I think we all ought to give credit to everyone involved. Mr Parker for writing and directing it. The second form, for filling the roles, making the set, for doing the lighting, and designing the programmes.

“I am, however, aware that the identity of the leading lady has been the subject of much debate and speculation. But I think you will all agree that Gina was played brilliantly and we must all thank the person who played her.

“In an all-boys school, it is often very hard to find willing volunteers to play the female parts. Often this can lead to teasing and name-calling. So it is to his credit that Martin Collins, whom I announced was to be the deputy head boy next year, took on this role and has displayed a rare and special talent. I was not alone in believing that Gina was a real girl, but, this may disappoint some of you, Gina was indeed played by Martin, and he was truly convincing. So, well done Martin, and well done all of you who took part. And good luck to you for the next performances.”

There was a stunned silence, as boys all looked round to try to see Marti, who, much to the surprise of Robin Parker, did not hide or shrink as he had on the previous day.

Something had changed with Marti, but from the inside. The boy seemed more confident, more in control. He sat with his classmates, and did not even blush. They were all grinning, so Robin watched Marti for a few moments.

Recalling the awkwardness that he displayed only a few days before, it was as if a switch had been pulled, and Marti had absorbed the confidence and poise of Gina. He had a glow to his face, and with his hair tied back, there was a visual crossover with his female character. As Robin watched he noticed the gestures and the way the boy moved, it was all in a subtly feminine manner, but muted somehow. He looked like a girl pretending to be a boy. Then it hit him; that was exactly what he was seeing!

The day passed, and the cast assembled in the hall once more. Hilda and Mrs Hesketh were both delighted to see the change in Marti, who was dressed way before he really needed to be, and even managed to put on her own make up. Hilda checked Gina over, and was amazed at the skill with which the girl had managed to put on makeup.

“Many girls take years to get the knack, you have picked it up very quickly!” she said.

“Thank you Mrs England. I had a good teacher!” she said, putting on her nail extensions.

“I prayed for you last night,” said Hilda.

The girl looked up at her, her eyes had a strange, wistful look. “So did I. I always do. One day, one day it will be answered. I just know it,” she said with a hopeful little smile.

Rob, dressed as Matt, came over and watched as Gina finished having her hair done.

“Hi Rob, do you want me?” Gina asked. Hilda smiled at her choice of words, and didn’t for a minute believe that they were accidental. But they went over Rob’s head, fortunately.

“Yeah, Mr Parker wants us to try something different in the second scene, when the rock and roll dance bit is on.”

“Oh yes, like what?” Gina asked, frowning. She didn’t like the idea of changes at this time.

Mr Parker took them onto the stage, and had the soundman play the music from the jukebox. They ran through the routine, and they danced as they had in the previous performances. Then Mr Parker showed them a couple of Rock and Roll moves, whereby the man swings the girl across each hip, and had them practice them. The couple picked it up very quickly, and he told them, “Look, I know this is last minute, but you can do it. If you don’t like the idea then just stick to the old script. But it is visually more exciting and makes the scene look slicker.”

They liked the idea, and ran through the moves a few times. Hilda, who had been a proficient dancer came over and gave them a few more ideas, and tips. She watched them for a while. She certainly knew what Gina saw in Rob, for he was a remarkable mature thirteen year old, and very handsome. They made a lovely couple, and Hilda offered another silent prayer for Marti’s miracle.
The audience began filing in, but parents were a new experience. Hilda noticed a woman wave at her, and she waved back and went over to her. It was her friend Mary Sanderson, who was now a theatrical agent, having once been an actress with Hilda.

“I am so glad you could come. I think you’ll be surprised with this little production!” Hilda told her.

“You must tell me all about it, who wrote it, who’s playing the parts, and everything,” said Mary.

“No, I want you to watch it first, and then we will talk. I think we may have found a special person. But just watch and see,” Hilda told her. They went and sat at the front, together.

All the cast, even Gina, were more nervous this time. Nerves made Andy become more of a clown, and he made everyone laugh. This lightened the atmosphere a little, then the curtain went up, and Gina made her entrance.

The programmes had not been altered, and so the audience were even more in the dark than the boys had been. Somehow, Gina was even better. Whenever she was on the stage, the play just sparkled, and everyone responded very positively. No lines were missed, all cues were taken, and Andy overacted and add-libbed outrageously. His balloons were filled to bursting point, and he scratched his bum at every possible opportunity.

Gina simply shone. Her voice was pitched just right, her accent was absolutely accurate, and her poise and mannerisms were so natural, that there was only one person in the audience who actually knew that Gina was actually a boy called Martin Collins. That person was Jenny Collins, Martin’s mother, who had come by herself, as Charles was in the Philippines on business.

She gazed with undisguised wonder at this lovely creature, who so captivated everyone’s hearts. She was in awe of the child’s whole presence and bearing. Here was the daughter that she thought she would never have! Tears started to well up in her eyes, and she sat back, totally drawn into the performance.

The dance scene was even better than Robin could have anticipated, the rest of the cast actually saw what was happening and pulled the coffee shop furniture out of the way, as Matt and Gina executed a brilliant little set piece to “Rock around the Clock” on the juke box.

“Who’s the girl?” Mary asked Hilda.

“I’ll tell you later,” Hilda replied with a smile.

“How did they manage to get a girl to come into the school, is she one of the teacher’s daughters, or something?” Mary persisted.

“I’ll tell you later. You can meet her,” Hilda replied.
The applause was deafening, as the finale had many of the mothers in tears, and one in particular!

The curtain fell on the lovers, and then rose once more on the assembled cast. They were grinning so much that Hilda started to laugh with pleasure. They had all now really experienced the joys of pleasing an audience, and there was nothing quite like the high it gives.

Hilda watched Gina, she was not grinning like the others, but she smiled in a serene and rather knowing way. She looked like she belonged on the stage, and as she and Matt came forward to take their bow, there was a certain skip in ‘her’ step. Matt bowed low, and Gina curtsied so low, Hilda gasped. How did she know how to do that? She wondered.

The applause magnified and threatened to take the roof off. Robin Parker joined them on stage, and waved Hilda up to join them. She went up and found herself holding Gina’s hand.

The girl looked at her and smiled.

“Now I know why you did it,” she said.

“Yes, and I think you may have found your vocation,” Hilda replied, as the cast took another bow.

The curtain fell for the final time, but the applause gradually died away.

Hilda turned to Marti and said, “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“My mother is here. I should go and see her.” Marti looked a little worried.

“This won’t take long, I promise,” Hilda said.

“All right,” said Marti, smiling broadly.

They went into the now emptying hall, where Mary waited for them. Marti saw Jenny still sitting in her seat, so gave her a little wave and a smile. Jenny’s heart lurched. The play was over, yet the girl remained! She watched as her ‘daughter’ was introduced to another woman, and they shook hands. It was if she were watching a complete stranger. She didn’t know this child. Here, to all intents and purposes was a teenage girl, in full bloom, with a level of poise and confidence that Jenny found amazing.

She felt a touch on her shoulder, and jumped slightly. Turning she saw the man who had joined them on stage at the end.

“Hello, you must be Martin’s mother. I’m Robin Parker, and I’m afraid that I’m responsible for all this,” he said, as they shook hands.

“How did you know who I was?” Jenny asked.

Robin looked at her then at Marti, who was charming the socks off Mary Sanderson.

“The family resemblance is obvious. She could be your younger sister,” said Robin with a smile.

Jenny gazed at Marti for a while, then realising what the man had said, turned and said, “You said, ‘she’?”

“Oh yes, can there be any doubt? Mrs Collins, your Marti is a very talented actor, but unless I’m very much mistaken, there is a very troubled child underneath. Let me explain.”

Robin went on to tell Jenny about Marti’s gender crisis and spelled out exactly what he thought should be done. Jenny was shocked, and suddenly felt terribly guilty. She said “Oh God! It’s all my fault!”

“Not necessarily, but you must realise that, deep down, Marti is as much a girl as you are. It would be disastrous if that girl has to be so smothered as to cause a nervous or mental breakdown.”

“But what do we do?” she asked.

“I’m really not the man to ask. I suggest you see your doctor, and a psychiatrist. But it would be best that you talk it through with her,” Robin said.

“You used ‘her’ again,” Jenny observed.

“Over the last week or so, I have come to be as confused as I have ever been. I find it helps me to try to keep a level head. That child, at this moment, is a girl, and nothing you can say to me can alter my perception. Nearly everyone in the audience tonight believed that Marti Collins is a girl, and will be astounded to be told that she is in fact a twelve-year-old boy called Martin! Mrs Collins, you have a beautiful and talented daughter, take good care of her. Oh, and by the way, she calls herself ‘Marti’, with an ‘i’ now.”

Meanwhile, Mary was engaged in conversation with the star of the show. Hilda had simply introduced her to Mary by saying, “Mary, this is the heroine, Marti Collins. Marti, this is my old friend Mary Sanderson. She is a theatrical agent.”

Mary found the girl delightful and witty. She had a freshness about her that Mary found such a change from the females she came across in show business. The girl was obviously on a high, as she was very talkative, and her hands were everywhere. At no point did Mary suspect that she was talking to a boy, until she asked, “Where did you learn drama?”

“Oh, this is my first play. It’s such fun,” Marti replied.

“How did you manage to get roped into helping the school out? It really is very good of you, because it made all the difference,” Mary asked.

The girl looked at Hilda, and the two of them smiled, there was a secret between them, Mary thought. What could it be?

“Mary, Marti is a pupil here, in the school,” Hilda explained, enjoying her friend’s amazement.

“I didn’t know there were girls here. I thought it was all boys. Besides you are far too old to be with these boys,” Mary asked

“Mary, Marti is short for Martin,” Hilda had to explain further.

Mary stared at Marti, her mouth opening and closing, but making no noise.

“No! I don’t believe it. No way. Really?” Mary was absolutely shattered, she had seen drag queens and female impersonators, so met many transsexuals, both in the business and outside. Never had she been so totally convinced as to a person’s gender as this girl.

Marti smiled and nodded. Mary suddenly felt terribly sorry for her, no him, no definitely her!

“Well you fooled me!” she said. “You must give me a call when you leave school. I have no doubt that acting will be the perfect career for you!”

“I know, as I have to act a boy every day. Thanks, but I really must see my mum. It has been really nice to meet you. And I am a girl, really!” With that Marti walked away to greet a woman, who looked like an older version of herself.

Marti stood demurely in front of Jenny, with hands clasped in front of her in a very feminine fashion. The hall was empty now, as the parents were being given wine and cheese in the dining hall.

“Hi Mummy. Did you like the play?”

Jenny gazed at the creature before her, and tears welled up in her eyes. Marti also started to cry, and the two ‘women’ embraced.

“Oh Marti, can you ever forgive me? I didn’t know!” Jenny wailed.

Marti stroked her mother’s hair, and said, “It’s alright, Mummy. There is nothing to forgive. I’m still me, it’s just that I’ve at last found who and what I should be.”

Jenny held her ’daughter’ at arms length and looked at her. She wiped away some tears from the child’s cheek, and said, “You are so pretty, I am so proud of you!”

Marti smiled, and Jenny thought her heart would ache. The girl was stunningly beautiful.

Jenny looked her up and down, and was amazed at the breasts, which were so realistic and prominent.

“How did you manage to get those, they look real?” she asked.

Marti laughed and replied, “Mrs England gave them to me, they are silicone breast forms, and they use them in the real theatre. I love them, but I would rather have my own!”

“Oh Marti, what are we going to do?” Jenny asked.

“What do you mean?” Marti asked, frowning.

Jenny took her ‘daughter’s’ arm and they walked slowly out of the hall.

“Marti, I feel we need to do something about this. I think you should see a doctor, or something,” Jenny said.

Marti stopped, “Why, I’m not ill and I’m not mad, I’m simply a girl in a boy’s body. I’m what’s called a transsexual, and I must become a total girl.” There was no doubt, no uncertainty and no concern in Marti’s voice. Jenny was amazed, but at the same time horrified, because she was terrified at her husband’s reaction.

“Look, Mummy. I’m only twelve, so I know that nothing will happen until I’m at least sixteen. There is no point seeing a shrink until then, but if it will make you happy, then I will. But I do have other plans,” Marti said with a smile.

“Oh yes, like what?” Jenny asked.

“I can’t tell you, because I don’t really know, not fully. But if you ever get a phone call, and I say ‘it’s happened’, then you can forget your doctors and surgeons. Come on, you can have some wine and cheese.” Marti took Jenny over and they went into the hall.

Marti became somewhat of the centre of attention. By this time most people realised that Gina was a boy, and they all wanted to tell how they were fooled! Jenny found herself sidelined, and watched as her new ‘daughter’ bathed in the limelight. All Marti’s mannerisms were so feminine and right, that Jenny found herself convinced that Marti was, indeed, a girl!

As she stood and watched, Commander Hesketh came up to her, and offered her a glass of wine.

“It is lovely to see you again Mrs Collins. Martin really is a wonderful little actor, he completely fooled me the other day.” He went on to tell her about the incident in the hall.

Jenny was utterly astounded when he told her that he had selected Martin to be deputy head boy for the next year. She was thrilled, as Charles would also be pleased.

The evening wore on, and eventually the guests departed. Jenny hugged Marti, and came to realise that they had entered a new phase in their relationship.

“Marti, just know that I love you, whatever happens, remember that,” she said.

“I know Mummy, and I love you too. I’m just sorry that I’m so mixed up. But things will straighten up, just you see,” Marti said, and hugged Jenny.

Jenny held Marti, and realised that the girl was so much more real and full of life than the rather sad little boy. She found herself warming to her new ‘daughter’.

“What will I tell your father?” she asked.

“Nothing. He wouldn’t understand. I’ll tell him when we can’t pretend any more,” Marti replied, suddenly becoming so much more mature that Jenny realised.

“Goodbye, my love, I will see you in a week when you break up,” Jenny said.

”Yes, will Dad be home?” Marti asked.

Jenny shook her head. “Not until mid August, he is very busy. There will be just you and me for the first few weeks, the others are all off doing one thing or another,” she said.

Marti smiled, and it warmed Jenny’s heart.

“Good, you can teach me about make up and things,” Marti said.

“It doesn’t look as if you need any teaching. You look so lovely.”

The pair said their goodbyes next to Jenny’s car, and Marti watched Jenny drive off, a lonely figure in a black dress.

Marti stood for a while, reluctant to return to the hall and boy’s clothes. She looked at the stars, and prayed again, earnestly and deeply. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Then she heard a noise behind her, so turned round.

Rob approached her out of the gloom. He had changed into his uniform and blazer.

“I wondered where you were,” he said.

“I was just seeing my mum off,” Marti explained.

“You look very like her,” he said.

“Do I?” Marti asked, pleased.

“Yes, only you are prettier,” Rob said.

Marti felt a warm rush run through her body. She looked at Rob, and felt very shaky.

“Rob, let me go and change,” Marti said.

“Why?” Rob asked, frowning.

“Because if I don’t, I’m afraid of what might happen,” Marti said, unable to look at him.

“What might that be?” he asked quietly.

“You know,” Marti replied.

“Do I? Why don’t you tell me why I feel the way I do? Why do I want the play to be real and last forever? Why do I dream of dancing with you? Why are you so beautiful?” Rob asked.

Marti sobbed, and fell against his substantial chest.

Rob held the girl in his arms. They both knew the danger they could be in, but neither could do anything about it. Rob put his arm round Marti’s waist and led her off into the darkness. The cricket pavilion loomed out of the inky night, so they sat on the steps.

Marti was still crying, and Rob stroked her cheek.

“Shh, don’t cry. It’ll be alright,” he said.

“No it won’t! While I have this!” Marti indicated between her legs. “It will never be alright,” Marti said, very angry.

Rob was quiet, he held Marti’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Marti laughed.

“What is so funny?” he asked, in surprise.

“Just friends - that’s what we agreed.” Marti said.

Rob nodded, afraid to speak.

“Friends can rehearse, can’t they?” Marti asked.

“How do you mean?” Rob asked, confused.

“I don’t think we got the last scene quite right!” Marti said.


The next thing Rob knew, Marti had flung both arms around his neck and was kissing him passionately. He responded after only a second, and the kiss lasted for minutes. Rob let his feelings go, and went with his heart, he stroked Marti’s shoulder and back, and they were deeply entwined.

Finally, Marti broke off the kiss.

“That was better, but if we stand up, we will be more like the script,” Marti said.

They stood holding each other, and kissed again. Marti felt Rob’s hands slide round to ‘her’ bottom and start to draw them close. ‘She’ felt his hardness straining against his trousers, and ‘she’ rubbed herself against him. Marti broke away.

“That’s enough!” Marti said.

“Why?” asked Rob, feeling confused.

Marti turned to him and said, “Because Rob, you deserve a real girl, and I don’t want you to get lumbered with something that is just a pretence. It is not fair to you,” Marti started to cry again.

“Marti, you are a real girl,” Rob said.

“No, I am not. Not yet,” she said.

They stood for a while.

“Come on, let’s go back to normal,” said Marti bitterly, leading Rob away from the pavilion.
The next two performances were as successful, after which the cast were treated to a superb meal in the theatre after their last show to four hundred local old people and two hundred others.

Once again, Gina’s identity caused quite a stir, and there was even a photographer from the local press. The ensuing article was very flattering for the school, and the picture of Gina and Rob at their curtain call made them both look very professional.

Mr Hesketh was delighted, and had the pair of them into his study. He presented them each with an original framed photograph, and told them that they were ‘jolly good chaps’.

The end of term arrived and everyone went home. Marti lived in Dorset, and Rob in Edinburgh, but they promised to keep in touch.

Soon Marti picked up from the station by Jenny, and was soon home again.
Chapter 4
The house seemed empty with all the boys away. The first thing Martin did was take off the hated school uniform. Jenny leaned against the door, watching Martin as he looked through the chest of drawers for something to wear. As each item was examined and discarded, the lad became more morose.

“Would you like to try on some of mine?” she asked, fed up with watching Martin’s obvious frustration.

Martin looked up, eyes sparkling, as a huge smile broke across his face. “Could I, really?”

So began the most wonderful day, for both of them. Jenny had the daughter she always wanted, and Martin became Marti, a girl, once more. Jenny gave Marti free rein in her wardrobe, and watched fascinated as the transformation took place in front of her very eyes.

She took down a white box from the shelf in her wardrobe.

“I bought you these. I know that I may be committing a silly mistake, but I thought you would need them,” she said, handing the box to Marti, who was muttering about balloons.

Marti opened the box, and gasped in pleasure when the breast forms came into view.

“Oh Mum, you shouldn’t have. Thanks,” Marti said, and hugged Jenny

Marti ended up trying on nearly everything, but settled for a short skirt, and a sleeveless top, held up with straps. She had no stockings or tights on, as it was a warm day, and wore a simple pair of open toe sandals, with two-inch heels.

She did her own make up, and Jenny helped with her hair. She put some nail varnish on’ her’ finger and toenails, and announced that she was finished. Jenny could find no fault, save perhaps the girl’s hips were rather too slender, but in a twelve-year-old girl, there was room to expand.

Marti spent the whole morning dressed like this, and come lunchtime, even Jenny was used to having a girl around the house. She watched as Marti kept looking at her reflection in the various mirrors around the house, and tweaking her hair, or repairing her make up. She was every inch the daughter she had yearned for.

After a snack lunch, Jenny had a sudden thought.

“Marti, how would you like to go shopping?” she asked.

Marti frowned, the prospect of taking off these clothes did not impress her.

“Why don’t you stay like that?” Jenny asked.

Marti grinned and jumped up, full of enthusiasm.
They set off to the town. Jenny lent Marti a shoulder bag, so together they put little necessities into it. Marti was bubbly all the way into Swanage, where they parked by the station. They had a wonderful afternoon, amongst the tourists, Marti just blended in. They spent ages in the clothes’ shops, in which Jenny found herself spending a small fortune on clothes for Marti, but not one pair of trousers amongst them.

They stopped in the sunshine for an ice cream on the sea front, sitting on the sea wall above the beach. Marti finished her cone first, and jumped onto the sand. Jenny watched as Marti took off her sandals and went paddling. As she watched, two teenage girls walked along and started to talk to Marti. Marti waved her arms, as if to show them directions, and they then talked some more.

Marti came back to Jenny, her young face lit up with a tremendous smile.

“They asked me if I wanted to do to a disco tonight,” she said.

“Are you going?” Jenny asked.

“No, but it was nice to be asked.” Marti put the sandals back on, and the pair of them headed off to the supermarket by the station.

They grabbed a trolley and went into the supermarket. As they walked up the aisle, Jenny heard her name being called, so she turned around.

It was her friend Sue Cartwright, with both twins in tow.

Her heart sank, so she looked round quickly, but Marti had disappeared.

“Jenny, how are you? I haven’t seen you for ages.”

“Hi Sue, I’m fine, and hi girls,” Jenny said.

The two women started to chatter, so the girls walked off, ending up by the CD/video rack, where Marti was standing. Marti was oblivious to the encounter, only aware that someone else was close by.

The girls looked at Marti, and then each other. Marti looked at them and then back at the rack. Then it dawned on ‘her’ who they were. She felt the colour rising in her face.

“Have we met?” Caroline asked.

Marti looked at her and gave an embarrassed smile.

“Yes,” Marti replied, somewhat timidly.

The girls stared at Marti, and then they twigged at the same moment.

“Oh my God!” said Amanda. “It’s not…”

“I’m Martina, my friends call me Marti,” Marti interrupted.

The girls giggled and Amanda said, “You look great, I would never have guessed. You haven’t had, you know, the operation?” she asked.

Marti shook her head. “No, but then I don’t need that yet.”

The twins grabbed Marti, each held onto an arm, both asking questions at once. To Marti’s relief they found it absolutely natural.

Caroline said, “I always thought you should have been a girl. Do you remember Tina?”

“I’ve never forgotten,” Marti replied.

They took an un-protesting Marti in search of their mother. The two women were still where they had left them. Jenny’s heart sank as soon as she saw them approaching. She saw Marti’s expression and hoped everything was alright.

Sue looked at the girls and then continued the conversation. Suddenly, she stopped in mid-sentence, and gawped at Marti.

She looked at Jenny and then at Marti again.

“Hi Mrs Cartwright,” said Marti.

“You remember Marti, don’t you Sue?” Jenny said, her heart almost still.

“Hello Marti. My, haven’t you changed?” she said, turning to Jenny, grabbing her arm. “Jenny, we need to talk, so I’ll call you, soon,” Sue said.

“Why don’t you come for tea, and bring the girls?” Jenny asked.

“What now?” Sue asked.

“Why not?” Jenny said.

“Okay. Have you finished shopping?”

“No, we’ve just got here. You?”

“The same,” Sue replied.

So, while the mothers shopped the three ‘girls’ went to the small coffee shop over the road. The twins were incredulous to see Marti, and had so many questions. Mart relaxed, and enjoyed their company.

“I know, Marti, quick, come with us,” Said Caroline.

Before Marti could react, the girls had taken her to the beauty parlour next door, and asked the girl to pierce Marti’s ears.

She had to sign a form, and gave her age as being eighteen. A few minutes later Jenny was astonished to see Marti with two brand new studs in both earlobes.

The rest of the day passed like heaven for Marti. The twins accepted her as being a girl, and never gave it another thought. At one point Amanda asked, “What do you do with your, you know what?”

Marti lifted up her skirt and pulled her knickers down. Her little worm was so tucked away, that the girls could initially see no difference between Marti and themselves. They both pulled their knickers down, and compared what was exposed.

“So where is it then?” Amanda asked.

“Where is what?” Marti asked.

“How did you turn into a girl?” Caroline asked.

Marti laughed, and showed them her worm.

The girls giggled.

“It’s tiny!” said Amanda.

Marti looked and thought that it had shrunk slightly.

“Where are your balls?” Asked Caroline.

“They must be inside me still. They’re supposed to drop down at puberty, I expect. My voice will go deeper at the same time,” Marti said, feeling a little dirty.

“I think you’re really a girl and that you’ve just got some extra skin or something. I’ve seen pictures of real willies and they are very different to that,” said Amanda. “You’re twelve now, how come you haven’t reached puberty? We’ve each had the curse, and our breasts are growing!”

The girls both proudly showed Marti their budding little breasts. They, in turn were fascinated with Marti’s breast forms, so each had a go trying them on.

Marti felt better when they were back where they belonged.

“Are you going to have to have an operation or something, then?” Caroline asked.

Marti shrugged. “I don’t know. It depends.”

“How come your mum lets you dress up like a girl?” Amanda asked.

“I think she always wanted me to be a girl. When I was at school I took the female lead in a play, and I realised that deep down I’m a girl. Mummy came to watch, and she was so convinced that she lets me be myself,” Marti explained.

“We always thought you were a girl. I think you’ve probably got girl stuff inside, but your crack has never opened. I expect if they cut you open, you’d be just like us,” said Caroline.

“Thanks a bunch, I don’t know if I want to be cut open!” Replied Marti.

The visit was soon over, Sue took the girls home.

Jenny sat down at the kitchen table and watched Marti wash up the cups.

“Sue thinks I am mad, letting you do this,” Jenny said.

“What, wash up?” Marti asked, teasing.

“No, to let you be a girl,” Jenny said.


“What do you want?” Jenny asked.

Marti turned and faced her.

“I’m now closer to what I want. I know that it won’t be for always, but for now it is what I want.”

Jenny got up and hugged her daughter.

They had supper together and watched TV cuddled together on the sofa. At bedtime, Marti reluctantly took off ‘her’ clothes. Jenny came into the room and handed over a silk nightie.

“If you are going to be a girl, then be one all of the time. Have this, and enjoy it.”

Marti clapped her hands and pulled it over her head. Jenny noticed that Marti seemed to have no genitalia to speak of.

“Marti, what’s happening to you?” she asked.


“You seem to be missing something,” she said, and indicated the crotch region.

Marti looked, moving slightly so the little worm appeared.

“Unfortunately,” Marti said, but noticed that it seemed even smaller.

They said goodnight, and Marti fell asleep almost immediately, the happiest she had ever been.
The happiness lasted for four weeks. The twins were constant visitors, and often Jenny and Marti would go to their house. Sue came round, and began to see Marti for what she really was. But then Charles returned, and older brother Richard came home from cadet camp.

Marti disappeared, as did all her clothes, make up and laughter; and a very reluctant Martin appeared. Charles muttered about his hair and earrings, but as fashions were so vague, he had little impact.

Richard, a big and sociable seventeen, had a car — a mini, so kept buzzing off here there and everywhere. He had some friends with a boat at Studland, so spent most of the summer on the beach.

The other boys were all otherwise engaged, but occasionally they would pop in and grab a meal, and disappear again afterwards.

Marti would wear baggy shirts and shorts, and still managed to look like a girl. Jenny twice referred to him as ‘her’, and couldn’t help but think of him as a girl. Towards the end of the holidays, Charles returned to the Philippines, and the other boys disappeared again. Marti came bursting out from the wardrobe, and had a delightful week with ‘her’ mother.

The two of them grew closer and formed a special bond, which was to help them both over the coming years.
The end of the holidays arrived, and Martin went back to school, for his final year.

He arrived at school, with shortish hair, and no sign of the earrings, yet he managed to put them in every night. He entered into his new role as deputy head boy with enthusiasm, so even Rob was taken aback at his friend’s attitude.

The Commander was delighted, and the year started very promisingly. Martin was never a great rugby player, but he managed to become an excellent touch judge, so he went everywhere with the first team. He found the communal showers embarrassing, so tended to avoid them. He became aware that he was a very slow developer, and although delighted in one respect, but it made him very self-conscious.

Mr Parker sought out Martin one day.

“Marti, how is it going?” he asked.

“Fine sir. I’m really getting into this role!” Martin said, with a grin at the use of his feminised name. He made no attempt to correct the teacher.

“How do you fancy another play?” he asked the boy.

“This year, what with Common Entrance?” Martin asked.

“I was hoping to put one on at Christmas. It’s only the end of September now, and this time it would be only for one showing. We have permission to use the Town theatre.”

“What play?”

“I thought a musical, how about Oklahoma?” Robin asked.

Martin didn’t know about it.

“Are there any good parts?”

“For you, yes, the heroine is called Laurey, and the hero is Curly. Which part would you like?” Robin asked, teasing.

Martin looked at the man from under his long eyelashes, “You have to ask?” he said. “Who is going to be Curly?”

“I thought that Rob might like to do it,” Robin said.
Thus, the Christmas term was taken care of. Hilda England appeared and Mr Perry, the music teacher and choirmaster, helped with the musical side. Mrs Hesketh dug out her pins, and Martin clad himself in a more grown up cowgirl outfit, amongst others. Martin found it hard, but he managed to resist the urge to be too tactile with Rob. His heart fluttered whenever he was close, but he stuck to his guns and left him alone.

One day Hilda approached Martin, complimenting him on his singing.

“You have the most wonderful voice. It’s such a shame you may lose it,” she said.

“I don’t know if I will, as I’m still praying for my miracle,” the boy said.

“So am I. Is it working?” she asked, feeling so sad for the boy.

“I think it might be,” he replied with an enigmatic smile.

“Oh, how?” she asked, somewhat surprised.

“Ah, that’s for me to know. You’ll have to wait and see,” he said, before changing the subject.
The play was another smash hit, and even managed to get into a theatrical revue. One line in the piece caused great mirth, which for Martin was the cherry on the top!

The production of Oklahoma, staged by pupils from Halsey House, was as refreshing as it was delightful! The enthusiasm of the cast was only overtaken by the simply wonderful voice of the leading lady, played by a Miss Marti Collins. Miss Collins' talent managed to bring the show to greater heights, and she was ably supported by Rob Alexander as Curly. Young Alexander had a good voice, but not particularly loud. However, his confident and cheerful presence made the couple very credible and believable. I have always been wary of school productions, and was not anticipating the skill, talent and thoroughly bouncy performances I have just witnessed. I believe the world will see a lot more of Marti Collins, she was a joy to listen to, and a delight to watch.

The Christmas holidays arrived and Martin went home to a full house for a change. He was not happy, because he had no chance to be Marti again.
Easter term came and went, in which studies became serious. Then the summer arrived again, and they went whole hog for the common entrance exam.

The exam took place just after half term, and Martin found that he was swept along with the whole event. He was down to go to Granton College in Dorset, as his father and brothers had all been there. They had a 60% pass mark across the board, but Martin knew he could do it. The problem was he didn’t know if he wanted to. He didn’t want to be in another, rather austere, all-boys institution. However, he didn’t want to disappoint his father.

Rob’s name was down for a much more forward-thinking school in the Cotswolds. For a start, it was a mixed gender school, which encouraged pupils to study what they enjoyed, they even encouraged vocational training rather than pure academic subjects. It was called Broughton Hall, near Chipping Norton.

They took the exam over a three day period, after which the remainder of the term proved rather an anticlimax, until Andy came up with the idea of holding a review.

“We could put on a series of sketches and take the piss out of all the staff!” He had said. Martin had approached Robin Parker, who thought it was a wonderful idea, despite a few reservations.

All the leavers got together and started writing and collecting funny sketches. Some they copied from the TV, altering them to make them relevant to the school, while others they devised or were given. Mrs England came and helped.

Martin wrote to his mother, so she brought down a suitcase for him, which Mr Parker hid away.

The results of the exams came through and every one had passed, all being accepted their chosen schools. The Commander was delighted. It was only the second time that everyone who had taken the exam had passed!
The review plans continued, and Martin seemed to be written into nearly all the sketches as a glamorous female. His suitcase contained a collection of Marti’s clothes, which he had asked his mother to bring. Also included were the breast forms.

The night arrived and the whole school and staff crowded into the hall.

The curtain rose and there was an empty stage, except for a lamppost and a chair next to it. Marti sauntered on, dressed in fishnet stockings, a very short tight leather skirt, a virtually see through top, and a beret on her head. Her short hair was styled in such a way as to resemble Lisa Minelli from Cabaret. She was wearing very heavy tarty make up, and she had a small black bag. She was also smoking a cigarette.

Several male members of staff coughed and fidgeted, visibly affected by her appearance. She looked incredibly sexy!

She strutted and posed around the lamppost, very obviously a lady of the night. A couple of potential clients walked past, she asked, “Do you want it?” to each of them, in an outrageous French accent.

Finally, she put one leg up on the chair showing the audience her black knickers and suspender belt. Wolf whistles came from the bigger boys at the back.

Then Andy came in, dressed as the Commander. He was an exceptional mimic, and took him off very well. The real Commander laughed heartily, so Andy relaxed visibly.

“Now then, young lady, what do you think you’re doin’?” he said, mimicking the Head brilliantly.

When the laughter died down, Marti blew smoke in his face and said, “Do you want it?”

“How much?” said Andy.

“What is it worth to you, cherie?”

Andy walked around ‘her’, looking her up and down, and replied, “Two quid?”

This brought the house down, and the laughter took a while to die down.

“’ow about twenty?” she asked.

“Cor twenty? I can get it at home for that! I give you three.”

Marti had to wait for the laughs again.



“Pah, you insult me. Ten, and that is the lowest I can go!”

“Eight and that is my final offer.”

Marti looked at him, and nodded.

“Okay, eight,” she said, holding out her hand. “You pay now, big boy!”

Andy went into a great performance in paying in lots of small coins, taking ages to count over all the money.

“You are two pee light,” Marti said.

Grumbling Andy parted with two pence.

“Okay lover, here you are,” Marti said, and handed over the chair her foot had been resting on.

Andy made a great play at inspecting it.

“Here! It’s got wood worm!” he said.

“What do you expect for eight quid? Sex?”

Then the curtain fell. Robin Parker’s heart was in his mouth, as this sketch has not been passed through him, and was clearly targeting a much older audience. To his relief, all the staff and boys enjoyed it and he visibly relaxed.
The review got better as the evening progressed. All members of staff were taken off, as were most of the older boys.

In one sketch, which Marti had no knowledge of, Andy dressed as a girl, with enormous breasts, and was standing in front of Rob, who was sitting at a desk, pretending to be the Head.

“No Collins you can’t,” Rob said.

“Oh please sir!”

“No. And that is final!”

“But sir!”

“Look Collins. I know you are very good at dressing up, and that you can fool everyone. But please tell Mr Parker that he can’t marry you, and you are not allowed to have his baby!”

“Oh sir, why not?” said Andy

“Because everyone else will want one too,” said Rob, as the curtain fell.

Martin felt torn, on the one hand, he was a bit upset, and on the other hand, he was flattered. He laughed, joining in the banter, but inside, his heart ached.
The second last piece, was Marti’s tribute to Dolly Parton, singing, Stand by your Man. She came on in the same red dress from the first play, and a huge blonde wig, borrowed from Hilda’s costume box. She had replaced her breasts with balloons, and she took them out half way through and blew them up to be really enormous, and then squeezed them back down her front. This went down very well, and Mrs Hesketh thought her husband was going to have a heart attack as he was laughing so much.

Marti had been practicing the song for ages, so her voice was actually very close to the real thing. When she finished, she received a thunderous applause.
The finale was a sing-song, with the entire cast in drag except for Martin, who was dressed in a tuxedo. The applause at the end said it all.
The end of term arrived with speech day, and there were prizes to give out. Martin won a couple of the subject prizes, aware that he would not win any of the sports trophies, so he sat back and watched. His mother was in the crowd, but his father was in Hong Kong, just for a change.

Near the end of the proceedings, the headmaster said, “This year we have a new trophy to give away, the England Cup, as it has been donated by our good friend, Mrs Hilda England. This is for the boy who has given the most for the school in many different ways. It is for a boy who may not be the most athletic, or even the most academically brilliant. But someone who has unselfishly has given all of himself for the school over the last year.

“The winner this year has brought a new dimension to the dramatic arts, and in such a way has brought Halsey House to the notice of the local community and press in a very favourable light. His sterling work along side the head boy has given us a wonderful year, and his enthusiastic touch judging was a joy to behold. His many performances in the review last week were superb, and I am sure that we have not seen the last of him!

“I refer, of course to our budding actor, Martin Collins, I am personally very pleased to see him wearing trousers today!”

Martin went up and collected his trophy, amid loud cheers from all the boys and visitors. He was astounded as the whole section of staff stood up and gave his a standing ovation. He was obviously expected to make a short speech.

He stood at the lectern and thought for a moment.

“I’m really surprised and pleased to get this trophy. I don’t think I really deserve it, but I will gladly accept it. I just want to thank Mrs England for her tireless efforts to help me cope with such a hard task as pretending to be a girl. Also, I’d like to thank Mrs Hesketh for her patience and marvellous skill with a needle, and Mr Parker for his patience and believing in me. But most of all, my thanks go to all my friends for being so great over the last couple of years.

“We are all moving onwards and upwards, to who knows where. I want to ask my fellow leavers to stand and thank the Head and the staff for getting us this far without any major surgery required.”

All the leavers stood, and clapped the staff.

Next it was the turn of the Head boy, and Rob collected his award, and took to the rostrum.

“As usual Martin has stolen my thunder,” he said, and received some laughter.

“I add my thanks to those he has already mentioned, and to our parents, without whom none of us would be here today. It is never easy leaving a small pond in which one becomes a big fish, and moving to a bigger pond where you suddenly are one of the minnows.

“I’d like to think that Halsey House has prepared us for our next steps, and would like to wish all my colleagues all the best for the future. My thanks to everyone for making my job as head boy easier, and particularly to my Deputy, Martin, who has been such a good friend and support through our final year.

“I would like to give one piece of advice to all my friends, and those of you who are left.” He paused and stared straight into Marti’s eyes. “If something is important enough, nothing is impossible; if you set your heart on it, and go for it, you will achieve your goal. Thank you.”

He went and sat down, while Martin had to try very hard not to cry.
After the speeches and prizes, everyone scrambled to load up their cars with trunks and other kit. Martin loaded up Jenny’s Mercedes estate, and looked at the school that had been home for five years. The staff members were going around saying goodbye, and Mr Parker came over to where they were standing.

“Well Marti, this is the last goodbye. It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“No sir. Some of it was terrible, at the beginning, but then I found out who I was, and when I was allowed to be that person, it was wonderful. Thank you for everything.” He held out his hand, and Robin took it, resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss the child’s cheek.

They shook hands.

“When you reach your goal, come back and see me. I would love to help you celebrate,” Robin said.

“Thanks, I will, just you see,” Martin then saw Rob walking towards him.

Mr Parker realised he was no longer wanted, and diverted Mrs Collins for a moment, as he felt that this farewell may be a little different.

“”Finished?” Rob asked his friend, feeling awkward. In his eyes, Martin was looking more and more like a girl pretending to be a boy. There was something soft, vulnerable and feminine about him.

Martin nodded, unable to speak. A large lump had risen and was blocking his throat. Rob was now nearly 5’11”, yet Martin was only 5’5”.

“Keep in touch,” Rob said.

Martin nodded again, and Rob held his hand out. Martin looked at it, and then took hold of it. They looked at each other, neither needing to speak.

“Where are you going for your holidays?” Rob asked, still holding Martin’s hand.

“Nowhere, we just stay at home and go to the beach.”

“How far is the beach from your house?” Rob asked.

“Studland is about five miles, and Swanage is less. But Studland is nicer.”

“I’ll have to come and visit,” Rob said.

“I’d like that.”

“Thanks for your…….., just…………, well, thanks!” Rob said, releasing Marti’s hand and turning away.


Rob stopped, turned and looked at his friend

“I’ll never forget you. And you still will be the second to know,” Martin said.

Rob grinned. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Martin let him go.

Jenny came over.

“Martin, are you ready?” she asked; aware that the little scene she had watched was deeper than it appeared.

Martin nodded and got into the car.

Jenny drove out of the school, glancing at Martin. She saw a tear roll silently down his face, and splash onto the seat belt.

They travelled in silence for a while. It was a two-hour journey, and after half an hour Jenny could take it no longer.

“The end of a chapter, hey?” she said.

Martin nodded, and then asked, “Mum, who’s at home?”

Jenny laughed. “No one, it will just be us two for two weeks.”

Martin smiled, and Jenny knew why.

“Marti, I know I probably shouldn’t encourage this, but your happiness means everything to me! Your case is on the back seat. Why don’t you have a look and change as we go along.”

Martin was over the seat like a squirrel, and after a couple of minutes of grunting and squirming, the boy had vanished, replaced by a much happier young lady who carefully clambered over the seat, so as not to rip her tights, and sat next to her mother. She then flipped down the sun visor, and applied ‘her’ make up using the vanity mirror. She had already put in some earrings, so Jenny was once again astounded at the speed with which ‘she’ had completed the transformation!

Marti had put on a short-sleeved white top and her favourite short black skirt. She also had put on some high-heeled shoes.

Jenny drove, while Marti tried to coax her short hair into some semblance of feminine style, and eventually subsided, as content as she could be under the circumstances.

The time was approaching seven o’clock, so Jenny asked Marti, “Do you want to wait for supper until we get home, and have eggs or something, or do you fancy a pub meal sooner?”

“Oh, the pub meal sounds good,” Marti replied. “But is my hair okay, it’s rather too short?”

Jenny glanced at Marti’s bosom, and said, “No one will notice your hair, dear, because they will all be too busy looking down a bit.”

Marti blushed.

A few miles further down the road, Jenny saw a small pub, so she pulled into the car park.

“Okay?” She asked Marti.

Marti grinned and nodded.

They got out of the car, which Jenny locked, and they walked arm in arm across to the pub.

It had a small dining room to the rear, so they went in. Half the tables were occupied, but there was room for them, despite being a Saturday. They sat in the window, and Marti became aware that she was receiving attention from several of the young men in the bar.

They selected their meals, so Jenny ordered at the bar, bringing back two orange juices for them both.

Marti took out a bottle of nail varnish, and painted her fingernails.

Jenny watched and smiled.

Marti saw her mother smile, and also smiled. “I haven’t done this for ages, and I’ve missed it terribly,” she said.

Their food came, and Marti had to blow on her nails to dry them.

“I must go to the loo!” she told her mother.

“Don’t forget to use the ladies!” Jenny reminded her.

“Oh, Mummy!” said Marti, as she stood up, straightening her skirt, and went to find the ladies. Jenny realised that Marti would never make that kind of mistake.

Marti had to walk past some of the lads playing pool, and as she did so, she smiled at them. She was amused to notice that they all looked at her chest, and not her hair. Mummy had been right!

There was a short queue at the door of the ladies, so Marti had to wait. While she waited one of the guys came over to her.

“Hi. I saw you come in. Do you live nearby?” he asked.

“No, we’re on our way somewhere, do you?” Marti asked.

“Sort of. I’m stationed just down the road. I’m in the army.”

“Oh. What bit. Tanks or something?”

“Yes, I’m in the Tank Regiment. I’m a tank driver.”

“That sounds fun,” Marti said, as the lady in front of her went into the loo.

“It’s okay. What do you do?” he asked.

“I’m still at school.” Marti said.

The boy seemed surprised. “You look older than that,” he said.

“I’ve had a hard life,” Marti joked.

The lad laughed with her, but Marti’s turn came, so she left him and went in to have a pee.

When she came out the soldier was at the bar, so she slipped back to the table.

They ate their food, chatting together in the way all mothers and teenage daughters should. They talked about clothes, hair, makeup, and then Jenny broached another subject, boys.

“Rob seems nice,” she said, tentatively.

“Mmm,” replied Marti, with a mouth full. “He is. He says he wants to come to the beach.”

“Is that such a good idea?” Jenny asked, very aware how complicated this could all become.

“Maybe not,” admitted Marti. “But at least I can’t get pregnant!”

Jenny was taking a mouthful of orange juice, so she nearly choked as Marti’s words sunk in.

“Marti!” she said.

“Well, it’s true. For now at any rate,” Marti said, taking another mouthful of fish.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jenny asked.

“Well, you know with boys, they are supposed to get bigger thingies as they get older?” Marti said.

“Yes?” said Jenny, not entirely happy with the way this conversation was going.

“Well, I’m thirteen, but I’ve noticed that instead of getting bigger, I’m getting smaller!” Marti said, almost triumphantly.

“Go on.”

“Not only that, but I don’t seem to have any balls. If I do, they must be still tucked up tight. What do you think it means?” Marti asked.

“I don’t know.” Jenny admitted. “Does anything hurt?”

Marti shook her head.

“Do you have a problem peeing?”


“Is there anything else I should know about?” Jenny asked.

“Well, now that you mention it, the areas around my nipples have become more sensitive. I thought I was going to die when we had to go on a run,” Marti said, taking a drink of orange. “And, my nipples are growing!”

“Are you sure?” Jenny asked.

“Positive, I measured them,” Marti replied. “Good isn’t it?”

Jenny went quiet. There wasn’t much she could say. Suddenly a shadow fell across them, and they looked up. It was the soldier from the bar.

“Hello,” he said. “I’m Mike. Listen, there is a disco here tonight, in the church hall, I was wondering if you were both free?”

Jenny laughed, and was about to reply, when Marti got in first.

“Hi Mike, I’m Marti. Unfortunately, we’re on our way home and can’t stay, but thanks for asking,” she said, giving him her nicest smiles.

“I’m sorry too, Marti. Will you be coming here again?”

“Who knows?” said Marti, still smiling.

“I hope you do, we have a disco every Saturday, so I’ll be here if you ever do.”

“Thanks maybe I will,” Marti replied.

“Bye then,” said Mike, walking off.

“Bye,” said Marti.

“Marti, you are such a tart!” Jenny said, astounded.

“Sorry Mummy, but I couldn’t be rude, could I?” Marti said, finishing her main course.

“You don’t seem to need any help in being female,” Jenny said.

Marti said nothing, she just grinned mischievously.

“Do you want pudding?” Jenny asked.

“No thanks, I’m stuffed,” Marti said.

Jenny laughed.

“Marti, as a polite young lady, you just can’t say things like that.”

They left the pub and started walking back to the car.

“Marti!” said a voice. They turned, and saw it was Mike. He ran over to them.

“Any chance I can get your phone number?” he asked.

Marti laughed, and said, “We’ve just moved, give me yours, and when we get there I will ring you.”

“Okay”, he scrabbled about in his pockets and Jenny opened the car and handed him a pen and a scrap of paper. He wrote down his name, address and phone number, which he handed to Marti.

“Don’t forget now.”

“I’ll try not to,” Marti replied.

They got into the car and waved at Mike as he watched them leave.

“I see that I’m going to have to watch you like a hawk!” Jenny said.

Marti laughed, and was looking at her reflection in the vanity mirror.

“Do you like my hair this short?” she asked.

Jenny laughed again, “You really are far too much a girl for me. Let’s get you home.”
They arrived home as it was getting dark. The house was empty, so Marti was grateful that she would have some time alone with her mother. They unloaded the car, and sorted out all Marti’s stuff. Some would just get chucked out, and some washed and sold. Very Marti would use few of it, ever again.

Jenny watched her pretty and vivacious daughter, as she happily chucked out lots of her old clothes. Jenny felt rather guilty letting Marti dress like this, as she believed that it may cause both of them heartache later. But Marti was blissfully happy, and so was Jenny. She just adored seeing the joy in Marti’s every move, as that was what she had always wanted for the poor child.

The holiday started as the previous summer, so soon Caroline and Amanda were regular visitors.

One day, as the girls were all ensconced in Marti’s room, Sue and Jenny caught up with each other’s news.

Jenny suspected that Charles was having an affair, as he came home less frequently, and was only too eager to depart again. She wasn’t that bothered, but she resented the dishonesty.

“How is Marti?” Sue asked to change the subject. She had never liked Charles; she had always found him to be an arrogant bastard.

“Marti is just Marti. She is so delightful, and so much the daughter I never thought I would have,” she replied.

“How the hell is he going to cope with public school?” Sue asked, shattering all Jenny’s false reality.

“God knows. I never thought he would cope with prep school, yet he passed through that with flying colours. He almost had some of his teachers making passes at him,” Jenny laughed, sadly.

“Really?” Sue asked.

“Really. The English and drama teacher, Mr Parker, is a really nice young man. Anyway he comes over to say goodbye to Marti, and I swear he was about to kiss the poor child. It isn’t helped by the fact that Marti is such a terrible flirt, she only goes and picks up a soldier in a pub on our way home.”

“No! My God Jenny, make your mind up, is Marti a ‘he’ or a ‘she’?” Sue asked.

“What do you think?” Jenny asked.

At that moment, the girls came into the kitchen.

“Guess what, mummy? Marti managed to pick up a tank driver in a pub! Isn’t she wicked?” Amanda said.

Sue looked at Jenny then at Marti, and said, “Reluctantly I have to say, a ‘she’!”

They all laughed, but Sue was seriously worried.
Two weeks later, a couple of the older boys came home, but it was for fleeting visits, and then they were off again. Marti still prayed the same prayer every night, and went through the same check every morning.

One morning Marti found her mother reading the paper at the kitchen table. She looked up and saw Marti still in her nightie.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” she asked.

Marti lifted up her nightie and showed Jenny the problem.

“It’s shrunk again,” ‘she’ said, with an uncertain smile.

Jenny looked, and it did appear that Marti’s appendage had become even smaller.

“Do you mind if I feel?” Jenny asked.

Marti shook her head.

Jenny gently felt around Marti’s genitals. The item was less than an inch long, and very narrow. It was uncircumcised, and half of its length was just a tube of skin.

The testes were not apparent, and Jenny thought she could just feel two small lumps against the groin, or maybe not. The scrotum was flat, and the whole area was very unlike all the other males she had ever seen. Indeed, there was a depression in the area, which was unlike any of her sons.

“I think we ought to get the doctor take a look at this.” she said.

Marti was adamant. “No! Not yet. Look Mummy, I think I know what’s happening, and a doctor may think he ought to stop it. I don’t want to stop it. You see, look!” Marti took the nightie right off, and pointed to her chest.

“I think I’m growing breasts. See!”

Jenny looked, and had to agree that there did appear to be a slight swelling behind each nipple. And the nipples were slightly larger than the last time she had seen them.

“Are they tender?” she asked.

“No. But they are very sensitive!”

Jenny probed very gently, and felt tissue within each small rising. She stood back and looked Marti up and down. She noticed that the waist was very slender, and that the hips were actually wider. Marti was developing a definite female figure.

Jenny felt her pulse race as she realised the possibilities.

“Marti, I want to measure your bust, waist and hips on a regular basis. Then we can check if you are doing what I think you are,” Jenny said, and went and got her measuring tape.

“Your bust is thirty four, your waist is only twenty four, but your hips are thirty one. Let me see your pelvis.” Jenny turned Marti, so she could take a closer look.

“I can’t swear to it, but your pelvis looks as if it is more like a female’s than a male’s. Are you sure that you don’t want to see a doctor?”

“Quite sure. Unless I start hurting, or gushing out blood, then I don’t think he can help. I’m changing sex, aren’t !?”

Jenny was confused. Her head told her that it was impossible, her heart wanted it to be true, and her eyes and senses told her it was happening. How much of it was wishful thinking?

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. We’ll measure you every day, and see what happens.” she told Marti.

“If I do become a real girl, what do we do then?” Marti asked.

Jenny was stumped. “I really have no idea. Let’s cross one bridge at a time. At the moment, you aren’t. But we both want you to be. Perhaps it is a mental thing, and your brain is trying hard to tell your body something that it can’t manage. I really don’t know.”

Marti went off and had a shower. Jenny dug out all the books she had, but nothing came close to helping her. Then, in an obscure old medical book, she came across an entry about some studies of hermaphrodites amongst some primitive tribes in the 1920s.

One case grabbed her attention:

The subject, a prepubescent young boy, had the primary characteristics of a male, albeit very much smaller, and lived as such until puberty. However, at the onset of puberty, instead of developing the secondary male characteristics, he began to develop the secondary characteristics of a female. Indeed so profound was the change that the penis disappeared, and a vaginal opening developed. Breasts began forming, and the child underwent severe trauma within the tribe. So much so he, or as it turned out, she was put to death as being an evil spirit!

I conducted a post-mortem on the cadaver, and found to my astonishment no signs of the masculine genitalia, and indeed, I found the vagina all but fully formed, with labia and clitoris, a womb, uterus, fallopian tubes and almost mature ovaries. The child had undergone a complete change of sex. I believe that if she had lived, she would have been a fully fertile and normal woman.

Marti came into the kitchen, she was wearing a plain white tee shirt, and,a short denim skirt. Her hair was growing, and she had applied her make up conservatively. Jenny noticed that she wasn’t wearing a bra, and her small breasts were just showing through the thin material. She actually looked like any other thirteen-year-old girl.

“Look at this, I think I’ve found something,” she said, showing Marti the book.

Marti read it, and tears came to he’ eyes. “It’s possible then. I knew it was. I’m not a transsexual after all, I’m a latent female!”

Jenny had to laugh, but if true, there could be serious consequences.

“As I said, let’s not jump to conclusions, one step at a time. Okay?”

“Okay,” said a jubilant Marti, who hugged Jenny and ran outside into the garden.
Three weeks later, on a Thursday, Marti only had ten days left of the holiday. Jenny measured ‘her’ again. This was the twentieth time, and each of the others saw a fractional increase in bust and hips, and no movement at all in the waist.

“Bust thirty four, but increased breast formation, waist twenty three, and hips thirty three.” Jenny announced.

“Yessss!” said Marti. “That proves it!”

“I think you’re a bit taller. What were you when you left Halsey House?”

“Just over 5’5”.”

Jenny measured Marti against the larder door. The marks of all her children’s heights were there.

“Well, you’re now 5’6”. So you have grown half an inch.”

“So have my tits,” Marti said with a grin.

The telephone rang, so Jenny answered it.

“It is for you,” she told Marti.

Marti frowned, as she rarely received calls.

“Hello?” she said.

“Marti? It’s Rob! How are you?”

“Rob! How lovely to hear from you! I’m better than ever and you?”

“I’m good. Look, my family is coming to a hotel in Studland for a long weekend. They’re meeting some old friends, so I’ll be sort of extra. Is there any chance we can meet up?”

Marti’s pulse raced.

“Sure, that sounds like fun. When?” Marti asked.

“We are arriving tomorrow lunchtime, and we’re going home on Monday. I thought we could meet on the beach after lunch, or something.”

“Okay, I’ll cycle over and see you on Knoll Beach by the National Trust shop.”

“Great, see you!”


Marti hung up and looked at Jenny.

“Well, how are you going to play this little game, my girl?” Jenny asked.

“As it comes, Mummy, as it comes!”
Marti took ages deciding what to wear. Jenny was actually rather worried; it was relatively harmless and safe playing a game at home or with the twins, but it was very different taking the game into a public arena!

When Marti finally appeared, Jenny was rather surprised, for Marti was wearing a baggy Tee shirt, shorts and training shoes. She had a hat on, but had still put on some make up and nail varnish.

“I’m off to the beach. I have a towel in my bag and a sweater in case it gets cold. I have enough money and some underwear. Oh, and I borrowed your new bikini.” Marti dashed out.

She rarely used the bicycle, as it was a boy’s racing cycle, with about twenty gears. But she was really excited so would have run all the way, risking chapped nipples in the process.

It took her half an hour to get to the beach, where she chained up her bike and went to wait by the shop. It was a hot, sunny day, so she stripped off her shirt and shorts, revealing the black bikini she had borrowed from her mother. It was the type with the deep V bottoms that showed a lot of upper thigh, and the minimum cups that made the most of the breasts. She had not worn breast forms for several weeks, as her own were now beginning to bud.

Rob walked down from the hotel and looked for Marti. He noticed a tanned girl in a sexy black bikini and a hat watching the boats. She had a slender, curvy figure, which he admired briefly as he walked past her and looked around the shop. Marti was not in the shop, so he came back out again. The girl was still there, but it suddenly dawned on him who she was.

She was watching a dingy capsize when a familiar voice came from behind.


She turned round and saw Rob standing there. He was wearing long swimming shorts, a Tee shirt and a very strange expression.

“Hi, Rob, good to see you,” Marti said.

Rob stared at Marti. He couldn’t believe his eyes. This was not the same Marti that he remembered from even only a few weeks ago; this was a girl with a more feminine figure.

“What’s happened to you?” he stammered. “You’ve changed!”

“Why thank you, for the better or worse?” Marti said, grinning at him.

“That depends, as far as I’m concerned, the better. But as far as Granton College is concerned, I think you may find a few difficulties.”

Marti’s face clouded slightly, so Rob regretted his words.

“Let’s go find a spot on the beach.” Marti suggested, so they walked down towards Old Harry Rocks. The beach was quite crowded, but they found a less dense part further from the two car parks.

Marti spread out her towel and sat on it. Rob had to admire her, as he could see no sign of the boy he once knew. He sat on the sand beside her.

“Have you not brought a towel?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“We can share mine, let’s have a swim!” Marti took off her hat and ran in to the sea, closely followed by Rob, who had taken his tee shirt off.

Marti swam out a little way and Rob dived beneath the surface, coming up right behind her.

“Boo!” he said and splashed her when she turned round. She ducked him and kicked water in his face when he came up. He lunged forward and grabbed her round the waist, pulling her down with him.

They surfaced, but Marti found that Rob still had his arms around her. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him before he knew what was happening. He was so surprised, he let her go.

Then she was off again, splashing her long, tanned legs.

Rob stood on the soft sand with his head and shoulders above the surface of the water. He was very conscious of his erection, so watched Marti with some trepidation as she dived under the water. He saw her very feminine hips in the attractive bikini bottoms, and noticed that there was absolutely no male bulge at all!

He then felt her hands slide up his shorts legs and grab his stiffening penis. He stayed still, afraid to move, but afraid to stay.

Marti surfaced, gasping for breath, still holding Rob’s cock in her hand.

“I think I’ve found an eel,” she said.

“Marti, don’t!” Rob said, but not sure if he meant it.

Marti laughed, gave his cock a squeeze and was off again, splashing and laughing.

He chased her, caught up with her and grabbed her again. She lay quietly in his clutches.

“I’ve been dreaming of you holding me again,” she told him quietly. “I know that it’s not really right, but I can’t help it.

They floated about for a minute, and he felt her questing hand in his shorts.

“I have a secret to tell you. You know I told you that I thought I was a transsexual?” she asked.

Rob nodded, hating the conversation, but loving the feel of her hand on his penis.

“I’m not, I’m a latent female. It means that I had the primary characteristics of a boy, but I am now developing the secondary characteristics of a girl. Look, feel these,” she said, taking his hand.

She placed it inside her bikini cup. Rob could feel the swell of a small breast, which, under his touch, her nipple became hard against his caressing fingers.

“These are only a little smaller than my friends, and they are the same age,” Marti explained.

“You’re really turning into a girl?” Rob asked.

“Yup, so it seems!”


”Because I’ve prayed for it every night since I was six years old!” Marti replied. “And you are the second to know, after my mum, that is!”

Her hand in his shorts was working quite fast now and Rob started to shudder, he felt a familiar sensation.

“You can stop now, thank you,” he said, embarrassed.

Marti smiled, blew him a kiss and splashed away from him.

He caught up with her as she was walking back up the sand to the towel.

“Why did you do that?” he asked her.

She picked up her towel and started to dry her hair.

“I had to, otherwise you would have had to walk across a crowded beach with a huge stiffy. And that would have embarrassed me,” she said.

Despite himself, Rob laughed. Marti dried her sleek limbs and took her top off. There was no doubt that her breasts were definitely growing.

She threw the towel at him, so he dried himself off. They sat on the sand chatting about what had happened since leaving school, and Rob began to relax. He kept glancing at Marti’s crotch, to try to see any sign of you know what.

Marti laughed at him.

“Oh it’s still there, but I’ll try to make sure that you will be the second to know when it’s gone, too.”

He shook his head, as this was too incredible for words.

The tide began to go out, so they went for a walk along the sand to the rock pools. Marti had put her bikini top back on, and after they had been walking a few paces, Rob felt her take his hand. He felt a little tingle of excitement and made no move to break away.

The afternoon went too quickly, as Rob announced that he had to get back to the hotel.

Marti walked the cycle alongside him, still holding hands. When they reached the hotel, Rob said, “Oh no! My parents!”

Marti saw a couple walking towards them. They had Rob’s little sister, Lucy with them.

“Hi Rob, who’s your lady friend?” said his father, he had a slight Scottish accent.

“Hello, Mr Alexander, I’m Martina, I met Rob at school.”

Marti held out her hand and both his parents shook it.

“Great to see you again, Rob,” Marti said, kissing him on the cheek. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow? Good bye.”

She pulled on her tee shirt and shorts, and got on the bike. She waved just before she disappeared round the corner.

“She seems a nice girl, when did you meet her?” his mother asked him, her American accent quite apparent.

“Oh, a couple of times, she would come and watch the rugger games, and we just got talking,” Rob said, as evasively as possible.

“It seems to me you are a little beyond talking now!” said his father with a little chuckle.

To Rob’s relief they dropped the subject, and they went into the hotel.

“Robbie’s got a girlfriend! Robbie’s got a girlfriend!” Lucy chanted.

“Ow! Mummy, Robbie hit me!”
Marti cycled home on a high. She couldn’t believe that she had wanked Rob off! She wasn’t sure what surprised her the most, the fact she had done it or the fact that he had allowed her to do it. It had given her a real feeling of power, so she began to appreciate the power girls held over their men! There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that she was a girl. The anatomical differences were a minor obstruction that would soon go.

She bounced into the house, and her mother realised that something had happened, but Marti wasn’t telling.

She went to bed still buzzing with happiness, and at night she dreamed of being a real woman!
The pair got together on both the Saturday and Sunday, but Marti was careful not to get so physical with him. Rob was a little frustrated, as he was at a loss as to how to respond. Every time he started, she dissuaded him and put it off.

When they left on the Monday, they promised to keep in touch.
The holidays soon came to an end, so a very depressed Martin Collins departed in trousers to Granton College. Sue was overburdened with guilt. Firstly, for allowing Marti to be free during the holidays, so therefore the change back was even more difficult. Secondly, she felt guilty for sending Martin to that school, as she was too well aware that it was traditional and conservative. Not the ideal place for an artistic young teen with severe gender confusion!
Chapter 5
“Collins! For goodness sake, boy! At least try to make an effort,!” shouted a purple faced Mr Rickford, the rugby coach.

The target of his attention was a slightly built lad, who was very nearly 14, but looked younger. He was a very good-looking boy, in a rather effeminate way, accentuated by his fair hair, which was rather long and unruly. The poor boy was red in the face with effort. His dark blue shirt was so obviously a hand-me-down from an elder brother, as it had faded and was two sizes too big! It was covered in mud, as were his shorts. His long blue socks were at his ankles, so his slender legs showed red with cold between the patches of mud. Thirty-five boys were taking part in that most edifying activity, - ‘rugger training’.

It was October 1980, and Martin Collins loathed rugger training with a passion. He loathed most team sports with a passion, as he was light and his ball skills were not particularly co-ordinated, so he was not very good at many of them. He was always the last to be picked, so his self-confidence and self-esteem were level with his socks, about as low as they could get. With the exception of swimming and badminton, he would be quite happy not partaking of any sports at all!

“All of your brothers would have made it there and back by now,” Mr Rickford added, just in case Martin Collins wasn’t feeling embarrassed enough. His four older brothers were all brilliant sportsmen. They had left school now; the eldest, Mark, twenty-six, was an army officer, the next, Peter, twenty-three, was a newly qualified doctor. Simon was twenty, and in his second year of Oxford University, and Richard, at eighteen, had only just left school and was on a year out. All the brothers had been heads of house and school prefects. Richard had been the last head boy and captain of the first XV,

Poor Martin had a lot to live up to, as all the masters were prone to remind him at every opportunity. He did, however, have one advantage in his favour, he was a very bright boy, - a straight ‘A’ student in nearly every subject. Except anything physical, that is!

He also carried his dark and all consuming secret, which permeated his every living moment. Martina was always just beneath the surface!

“Right!” shouted Mr Rickford. “Put the balls down and all of you run up Steeple Hill, round the church and back, then in for a shower. The last one back gets twenty press ups!”

“That’ll be me!” muttered Martin, as he struggled to follow the others.

They ran out onto the road, heading up the steep hill towards the church. Martin was not quite the last, but almost. As they ran past the crossroads, Marti heard a groan coming from the ditch. He stopped and walked over and had a look. Simon Lawrence, his rather overweight colleague came too.

There in the ditch was a man, a tramp by his appearance. He looked smelly and dirty, yet seemed to be in some discomfort and pain. The ditch had eight inches of dirty, cold water lying in the bottom. The man was soaked and was shivering with cold. His face was pale and his lips were turning blue.

“Are you hurt?” asked Marti.

The man groaned.

“Fuck this, you’ll catch something from him! I’m off,” said Simon, running up the hill.

“Get some help!” Marti shouted after him, but the boy had gone. Martin had never seen the lad run so fast!

“Bugger!” said Martin.

He looked at the man. He was a big man, and not thin. He was wearing an old grey overcoat, tied in the middle with string. He had long grey hair and a dirty beard.

“Let me help you up and see if I can get you comfortable!” Marti said, stepping without hesitation into the soggy ditch.

He put his arms around the smelly and very wet man, and pulled him out of the water. Then he heaved him up onto the bank. He really was very heavy. Martin found it took all his strength, as he was already tired from all his training.

“Give me a second, and I’ll try again,” he said to the man.

“There is no need of that, Martina!” said the man, in a deep and strong voice.

“Are you feeling better?” Marti asked, not sure of what he heard.

In front of his eyes, the man’s appearance changed. The hair and beard became white and clean; the coat became dry and spotlessly new and the string disappeared. The smell, the damp and the dirt vanished.

Marti took a step back in surprise and growing shock. The man stood up, brushing a few pieces of grass from his now immaculate coat.

“How did you do that? Who, or what are you?” he asked.

The man smiled. He was an incredibly beautiful man, with eyes that were golden in colour. He chuckled, a rich and melodious sound.

“My name is Michael, don’t be afraid,” said the man.

“I’m not afraid, but I’m a little perplexed,” admitted the youngster.

“You are very courageous. I have been sent to test you!” he said.

“What kind of test?”

“To see if you are worthy?” Michael replied, which was not much help!

“Worthy for what?” Martin asked, his patience wearing thin.

“Worthy for the gift that is to be bestowed upon you, Martina!”

Martin felt a deep sadness, as much as he wanted to be Martina, he knew the truth.

“Sir, much as I would love it otherwise, my name is actually Martin!”

“It used to be, yes. But today I am here to tell you that your wait is over. You passed the test and your prayer is answered. Do you understand, Martina?” Michael asked.

Martina looked at the man for a long time, her pulse quickened and she felt a strange tingling sensation all over her body. Suddenly she understood.

“You’re an angel?” she said, half as a question, and half a statement of fact, her voice amazingly calm.

“I have been called many things, and one of them is an angel. Yes.”

“Why come and tell me, it could just have happened?” Martina asked.

“Yes, it certainly would have done, but you would have not then believed in miracles, would you?” Michael asked, with a smile showing perfect white teeth.

Martina felt something strange happening in her shorts, and she felt an unusual sensation on her chest.

She raised her hands to her breasts and felt a substantial swelling as her breasts grew larger and firm. Her other hand flew into her shorts and she could no longer feel the familiar and hated little worm! Instead, she felt the soft warmth of an opening and the velvet brush of pubic hair.

She was now fully a girl!

She began to laugh and cry at the same time.

Michael looked at the girl who wept tears of gratitude and joy. She took his hands and kissed them.

“Tell Him thank you, from me.” she said.

Michael chuckled as he smiled down at her

“He already knows, little one, as you have been talking to Him every night for nearly eight years, you can tell Him yourself,” Michael told her.

“What happens now?” she asked.

Martina was still kneeling on the verge by the ditch. Michael held a hand out to her and helped her to her feet. His heart went out to this bedraggled and filthy child.

“Now the hard bit begins, you must be strong! You must go straight to the doctor; he is waiting for you in the sick bay. Your mother will be called and you will be leaving this place before nightfall.”

Martina nodded, glancing down at her now obvious breasts, as they pushed out the front of her shirt. She crossed her arms across her new chest, and revelled in their feel. When she looked up, Michel saw that she was grinning from ear to ear. Her joy was tangible and infectious, so he smiled warmly at her.

“You are blessed, my daughter! You were right. You have always been a girl. You are far too beautiful to be a boy. So, go now, enjoy your womanhood. You have shown that you can show kindness to the lowest of the low, you can give respect and joy to those around you. Your life will be long and you and your soul-mate have been chosen to have many beautiful children together. Now, go and live a long and fruitful life.”

“Soul-mate?” she asked.

Michael said nothing, simply smiling enigmatically. Then he walked to the crossroads and disappeared after a brief wave to the stunned young woman.

Martina turned and ran as fast as she could. She ran down the hill, past Mr Rickford who shouted at her, and whom she completely ignored, past the warden’s office and through the arch to the sick bay. She clattered up the stairs and into the Matron’s office.

“Collins, take those boots off at once!” the Matron said.

“Oh, do shut up, I need the doctor, now!” said a very emotional girl to a stunned Matron.

Doctor Robinson came out of his consulting room. He was a local GP who came to the school on two days of the week.

“What on earth is going on?” he asked, seeing a mud splattered figure facing up to the Matron.

Martina turned and faced him, He immediately saw the determination in her eyes, but, like the Matron, he failed to register the two firm breasts that were rising and falling under the shirt.

“I need you, doctor, right now!” Martina said, walking past the speechless Matron into the consulting room, without waiting for a reply. The doctor shrugged, exchanging a baffled glance with the Matron before following the mud-spattered figure.

“Young Collins isn’t it? I only saw you last week. What seems to be the problem?” he asked, closing the door.

“This is a little difficult, as I don’t know where to start. You saw me last week, right?”

“Yes. On Thursday, I gave you your initial check up. Why?”

“What did you find, honestly?”

“I don’t think I could discuss it with you. I…”

“Listen, did you find that I had immature male genitalia, and slight feminine breast formation?” Martina asked.

The doctor went to a filing cabinet in the corner. He opened the top drawer, removed a file and glanced at his notes. Then, frowning, he looked at her and nodded.

“Yes, but this is entirely common in puberty,” the doctor said.

“But this is a boys’ school right?” Martina asked.

The doctor looked perplexed, but said, “Yes.”

“Then I’m either in the wrong place, or having hallucinations,” she said.


Martina looked at the doctor, and then took off her rugby shirt and slipped down her shorts. Her breasts were now on the large size for a fourteen-year-old girl, if anything, they would have looked fine on an eighteen year old, as they were very firm and well formed.

Her chest was still rising and falling with the exertion she had just recently undertaken, and the doctor was almost hypnotised by their movement.

“This is why. How common are these, and a vagina, in pubescent boys?” she asked, opening her legs, showing him everything.

The doctor went white, sitting down in his chair.

“When did this happen?” he asked her, his voice trembling.

“It has been happening gradually over the last couple of years, but I don’t think I fully realised it. This bit happened this afternoon,” Martina said.

“Well, I’ve got to think. There are surgical procedures, but…”

“Don’t you understand, Doctor? I wanted this to happen. I don’t want surgery! I just need you to record it accurately, so then I can leave here as quickly and as discretely as possible. Otherwise this place is going to be a media circus, as all the parents will withdraw their sons, in case there’s something in the water!”

The doctor conducted a thorough examination of the girl in front of him. When he had finished, he shook his head in disbelief.

“Put your shirt back on, and cover your, er, your, yourself,” the doctor said. “I’ve only come across this sort of thing once before,” he told her. “I was a junior houseman at Barts, and a woman brought her five-year-old daughter in to see me.

“The poor girl had two sets of sexual genitalia, one female, and normal, and the other, much smaller, but male. The girl was perfectly normal female, with a womb, uterus, and all the baby making equipment, yet she had a useless set of male equipment. She even passed urine as a female. The penis was useless. The girl had been brought up as a boy to start with. The vagina had been overlooked at birth, but when she was being toilet trained, her mother noticed she didn’t use the penis to pee through. The penis, and other male equipment was simply removed, and the girl grew up as a normal happy little girl. Sometimes there are kidney problems associated with hermaphrodites.

“But, I have never experienced a case such as yours. You are completely normal, as far as this brief examination can tell. You seem to have everything you should. In fact, from what I’ve seen, I imagine you will start bleeding soon!”

“Bleeding?” said Martina, worried.

“Yes, bleeding. You’re a mature fourteen-year-old girl, well on your way to womanhood. You will have a monthly period. Of course, you will never even have thought about it, will you?”

“It’s not really the main topic of conversation in the dining hall,” Martina said, wryly.

The doctor laughed. “I’m sorry, seeing you, I keep thinking that you’ve always been a girl. You could make medical history,” he told Martina.

“I don’t want to make medical history. Besides, I know I’m not unique,” she said, telling the doctor about the book her mother found.

“How did she come to have a book like that?” he asked.

“Her father was a doctor,” Martina explained.

“How long have you known that you were changing?” he asked.

“I think it started about a year ago, we, that is my mum and I, have been measuring my tits and waist and stuff for the last few months,” she explained, with remarkable frankness and openness.

“Why didn’t you go and see a doctor?”

“Why, what would a doctor do? As far as I could see, doctors would try to stop it, and they certainly could make me into a high profile case. I don’t want to be a freak. I just want to live my life and be happy. Is that too much to ask?” Martina said, with tears starting to form in her eyes.

The doctor handed her a tissue, lost for words. He’d thought that by taking on a school like this, he could anticipate virtually all the problems with which he would have to deal. He was wrong!

“You poor girl, it must have been really awful for you. Well, let’s try to make amends and get things sorted as best as possible. I’m going to write a full medical report, and I’ll classify your case as mistaken gender identification from birth due to an overlarge formation of the clitoris and a superfluous tubular skin formation, which corrected itself at puberty. The fact that you were born in India would explain the mistake. This will be enough to have your birth certificate amended to read ‘female’ instead of ‘male’.

“But first we have to sort more immediate problems out. Excuse me for a second. Are you okay?” he asked, standing up.

Martina smiled and nodded.

Then he went to the door and walked out.

He returned moments later, accompanied by the Matron.

“Now Matron, just for the record, who is this person?” the doctor asked her.

“This person is Martin Collins, in his first term, a young man who needs some lessons in manners, if you ask me!” she replied.

The doctor turned to Martina, “Could you show the Matron what you have just shown me, please?”

Martina grinned, stripping off her damp and dirty rugby kit once more.

“Oh, great heavens!” said the Matron. “You poor child. I am so sorry. How did this happen?”

“Matron, for the record, what can you see?” the doctor asked.

“I see a person who I thought was a boy called Martin Collins, but it appears that Martin is not a boy, but a girl!”

The Matron handed Martina a robe, taking all her dirty sports kit.

“I’ll try to find you some appropriate clothing, my dear,” she said with a weak smile. She left the room, shaking her head in disbelief.

The doctor picked up the telephone and dialled the Headmaster’s number. He spoke briefly and then hung up.

“Can I call my mother?” Martina asked.

“I think you had better,” the doctor replied.

Martina dialled her home and her mother answered.

“Hi Mummy, listen, it has happened!”

“What has?” Jenny replied, her voice worried.

“IT! The change. The miracle. I’m now Martina, completely and properly!” Martina almost shouted down the phone.

Jenny was confused.

“Marti, start again and speak slowly.

“Mummy, I - am - a - girl!” she said.

“May I speak to her?” the doctor asked.

Martina handed over the phone.

“Hello, Mrs Collins. I am Doctor Robinson, and I’m the school doctor. It seems rather late for me to say this, but congratulations, after nearly fourteen years hard labour, you have a daughter!”

Jenny was stunned into silence.

“Hello, Mrs Collins? Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m still here. Tell me what happened, please.”

“I don’t really know. I saw Martin last week, and he seemed a normal boy, perhaps a little immature in the genital department, but that is not that uncommon for boys of his age. However, the same young person has just burst into sickbay, and I can say without any doubt, your son is now a perfectly normal daughter!”


“I don’t honestly know. It appears to have happened by itself, it is a real miracle!” the doctor said, so Martina gave him a huge grin.

“I’ll come right away. It’ll take me an hour or so.” Jenny said.

“Fine. Oh, Mrs Collins, you may need to bring some female clothing, a 36C, size eight, will be my guess,” he said, and rang off.
The matron returned and gave Martina a clean white tee shirt and pair of jogging bottoms. She also handed her a pair of slippers.

“What do we call you?” she asked the girl.

“I think Martina is fine, my friends call me Marti, with an ‘i’,” she said, taking off the robe.

At that precise moment, the Headmaster walked in.

He looked at the naked girl, then at the doctor, and then to the Matron.

“Would someone like to explain this to me?” he asked, not unkindly.

The doctor took his arm and led him out, saying to Martina, “Get dressed Martina, and don’t worry.”

Martina put on the tee shirt, it was a little tight, so highlighted her new full figure. She grinned at the Matron.

“I don’t envy you, my dear,” said Matron. “You are going to have an uphill battle to become a girl all of a sudden!”

Martina looked at the woman. She was rather an austere lady, who actually had a heart of gold. Martina realised that the sergeant major approach was the most effective in this environment.

“Matron, you really don’t get it do you? My life has been an uphill battle right up until today! I’ve been a girl for as long as I can remember, but the world decreed that I had to be a boy. I have been pretending to be a boy all my life. Now, I don’t have to pretend anymore, I can actually be me all the time!”

The Matron reached out and put her arm around Martina’s shoulders. Martina looked at the clock.

“I should be in class,” she said.

“I wouldn’t worry about that now!” the Matron said.

Martina had a sudden thought, and a smile came to her lips

“Can I use the phone, I need to call a friend?” she asked.

“Of course. Dial nine and then the number.”

“I need to call directory enquiries first, is that okay?”

“Of course.”

Martina dialled one-nine-two, and asked for the number for Broughton Hall School, in Oxfordshire.

The matron handed her a pen, so she scribbled the number down.

She looked at the matron, who smiled.

“I’ll leave you alone for a moment,” she said, understanding that Martina needed some privacy, and then she left her alone.

Martina was shaking as she dialled the number.

“Good afternoon, Broughton Hall School,” said a female voice.

“Hello, I would like to speak to Rob Alexander. I know it is not really the right time, but it is very important. I am afraid I don’t know what house he is in,” Martina said.

“He’s in Leeds House, one moment and I’ll pass you to the house,” There was a click and silence.

Then a new voice, a male one, “Hello, Leeds House. Can I help?”

“Hello. I would like to speak to Rob Alexander please. I’m sorry, but it is very important,” Martina said.

“One moment, I’ll just see if he is in. Who’s calling?”

“Tell him that it’s Martina.”

“Alright, just hold a minute, please Martina, and I will see if I can find him.”

The line went dead.

Martina was shivering, how would Rob react? Would he be pleased? Oh, the wait was terrible!

The she heard footsteps and the sound of the handset being moved.

“Hi Martina?” said a rather confused Rob.

“Hi Rob,” said Martina, her heart going flipity flop!

“Marti, what’s up? How did you get this number?” Rob asked, incredulity in his voice.

“I rang directory enquiries. I had to speak to you,” she said.

“Why, where are you?” He asked.

“I am still at school, but I won’t be for much longer,” she said.

“Why not? Are you ill?” he asked, worried now.

“No, far from it. You see, this is a boys’ school.”

“Yes, I know.”

“They don’t have any girls here.”

“Yes, that’s what a boys’ school is,” Rob said, patiently.

“Well, I have to leave, but I’m afraid that I couldn’t keep my promise,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“I had to tell the doctor, the matron, the head and my mum. So including me, you’re the sixth to know,” Martina said, with an ill-concealed giggle.

There was total silence on the other end.

“Rob? Are you still there?” Martina asked.

“Yes, I’m still here. When?” Rob asked, his voice shaking a little.

“Today. Oh Rob, I met a man, well he wasn’t a man, he was an angel, well, he looked like a tramp in a ditch. No, he was a tramp in a ditch, but he wasn’t, and I pulled him out, and he got dry and clean, and he ….”

“Marti, stop! Slowly, let me ask questions and you answer them one at a time, Okay?” Rob said.



“This afternoon.”


“Out at the crossroads, near the church.”


“I don’t know, it just happened. The man told me my prayers were answered, and I am now the person I have always wanted to be. I’m a real girl, Rob, a real girl. In every way, and I just wanted you to know.” Martina said. “Oh yes, he said we will have lots of children together!”

There was silence on the other end, but she could hear him breathing, or was he crying?


“Rob? Are you okay?”

“How many children?”

“He didn’t say, just lots.”

“Are you sure he meant me?”

“Are you my soul-mate?”

“You know I am.”

“Then I’m sure!”

“Oh, Marti, I don’t know what to say. I’m really pleased for you.”

“How about you, are you pleased for you?” she asked.

“You have to ask?” Rob said.

“I’d like to hear it. I need to hear it, as I’m a little short on friends right now,” she admitted.

“Martina, I’ve been praying for this as hard as you have. You confused the hell out of me, I didn’t know if I was gay or what! I have wrestled with myself for the last couple of years. All I wanted was for you to be a girl, and then we could start being normal. I don’t care whether we’re closer than that, but I just needed you as a friend first, and a girl second.”

“Now you’ve got both,” she told him.

“So it seems, but I still can’t quite believe it. What happens now?” Rob asked.

“I don’t know. The head is talking to the doctor, my mum is driving up from Dorset, and I am sitting in the sickbay feeling a bit of a freak.”

“Are you going straight home or what?” he asked.

“Yeah, I suppose. I’ll have to collect my stuff from house. I can’t stay here, there are no ladies showers,” she said, with a laugh.

Rob laughed and Martina felt her heart thumping.



“I think I love you,” she said.

“Yeah, I know,” he said.

She laughed. “Bastard!” she said.

“Yeah, I know.”

There was an uneasy silence.

“I was going to send you a card, but didn’t have your address,” he said.


“Tomorrow, it is your birthday, isn’t it?” he asked.

She had forgotten.

“Yes, it is. I had something else on my mind!”

“I can’t imagine what,” he said.

She giggled.

“What?” he asked.

“My present, it came early,” she said.



“I’ve got to go. I just want you to know. I love you too. I have ever since you became Gina.”

“I know,” she said.

“Tart!” he said, laughing down the phone.

“I know,” she said, and giggled.

“I’ll call you at home tomorrow.”

“I’d like that.”

“Where will you go to school now?” he asked.

“Any room there?” she asked, semi-joking.

There was silence.


“Yes, Martina, there is room here. There are two girls’ houses and there is room. Is there a chance?”

“Love will find a way,” she said, as the doctor and Head walked in.

“Look, Rob, I have to go too, I’ll wait for your call tomorrow, Bye!”


Martina replaced the handset on the phone cradle.

The Head smiled at her, pulled up a chair and sat down.

“You’ve got us all into a right pickle, young lady!” he said. “What shall I call you, I don’t think Collins or Martin are quite appropriate, do you?”

“I suppose Martina or Marti with an ’i’, will do, sir,” Martina said.

“Right, Martina. Firstly, thank you for not panicking and causing a stir. You behaved very sensibly, and so far as I know, no one outside this room knows about your little, um, er, your ah, um….”

“My miracle, sir?”

“Quite, your miracle.”

“My mother knows, and a very close friend. But neither of them will breathe a word,” Martina said.

“Good. Now the doctor has told me how he intends to report this little event, and I have the utmost respect for him. You realise how unique your case could be, and if studied, would make medical history?” he asked.

“I realise that, and I would much rather just quietly get on with my life,” Martina said.

“Good, that makes two of us! What I propose doing is getting all your stuff collected and brought to here. That way you don’t need to walk about the school and start tongues wagging. There is a rumour flying about that a tramp accosted you at the crossroads. How did that come about?” he asked.

“There was a man in the ditch. Simon Lawrence was there too, we were running up the road, and I heard groaning coming from the ditch. It looked like a tramp, and he was soaking wet. He must have fallen in. Anyway, I thought we should help him.”

“Go on.”

“Well, Simon ran off, I thought he could call an ambulance or something, but he must have been frightened. I pulled the man out of the water.”

“By yourself?”

“I was the only one there, so he might have died if I hadn’t,” Martina said.

“What happened then?”

“Well, once I got him out, he seemed to get a bit better, he muttered thanks and walked off. I thought he should at least see a doctor, but he just walked off, I couldn’t stop him.” Martina decided to hold back on the angel story, just in case.

“Which way did he go?”

“Towards the church I think.”

“Good, well done for helping him, in any case. I shall have to speak to young Lawrence. Anyway, I intend to put out a story that you are having a family crisis, and need to leave. It happens quite often, things like divorce where the fee money just is no longer available, redundancy, things like that.”

He looked at the girl. Considering the enormity of what had happened, she was remarkable. She was perfectly well adjusted, and actually seemed relieved. He told her so.

She smiled at him.

“Oh, I am relieved. You see, I’ve known that I should have been a girl for years. Now it’s happened, it’s like a dream come true. It’s like waking up after a horrible nightmare, and finding the world is fine again!”

The Headmaster shook his head.

“Have you any idea what you will do now?”

“Not really. It’s all a bit early. I want to find a good school, and I think I should like to be an actress. I’ve been acting for years, so I think I shall find it easy!”

The Matron came in.

“All of Martina’s things are now downstairs, Headmaster.”

“Good. Now we wait for your mum. Are you hungry?” he asked.

Martina realised that she was.

“Yes, I think I’ve missed tea, and won’t be around for supper,” she said.

“I’ll fetch you a sandwich from the kitchen, is ham and cheese alright?” the Matron asked.

“Fine, anything. Thanks,” she replied.

Matron brought two sandwiches and a glass of orange. She polished them off in no time!

The Headmaster left, asking to be informed when Jenny arrived, and Martina was left alone with the doctor.


“Yes, Martina.”

“I know your examination was pretty superficial, but are you sure that I have all the right bits?” she asked.

“Without doing an internal, I can only guess,” he said.

“Could you check for me? I think I should like to know,” she asked.

“If you like, only I doubt that I have all the right equipment here. There is not much call for obstetricians’ tools here,” he said with a laugh. “Jump up on the couch, take your track suit off, and we’ll have a look.”

Martina did as she was told while the doctor rummaged around in the cupboard. He found a box of implements and put on his rubber gloves. Then he smiled at her.

“I almost forgot,” he said, and went and fetched the Matron.

“I need her with me, just to make sure we do things properly. Okay, you may find this a little uncomfortable, but I will try not to hurt you! I have to put up a device that opens you up far enough for me to take a look. Okay?”

Martina nodded, so the doctor began. She started to giggle as the device, which had a screw motion, squeaked with every turn.

“It needs oiling,” she said.

She lay on her back with her legs open and closed her eyes. So much had happened, she was ever so tired. She almost dropped off to sleep.

The doctor woke her up.

“Well, I can honestly say I have never had a patient nearly fall asleep during one of those types of examination,” he said with a smile. “You must be very tired?”

She nodded, stretching. “I am, but I’m very happy,” she said.

“Good. You have reason to be. You are perfectly normal. Your womb and uterus seem in good shape, and I think that you are at the very beginning of a cycle. You can expect a visitor in about four weeks. If you understand what I mean?”

Martina nodded. Uncertain, but feeling that it was a small price to pay.

“Your pelvis is a perfectly normal female pelvis, and you should have absolutely no problem bearing or delivering a baby. This means that not only are you female, but as from this moment you are fertile. You may only be fourteen, but you can still become a mother. Now, whatever you do, you want to get this right. Do you understand?” the doctor asked.

Martina nodded, she had not even thought about this. It excited her, yet frightened her a little at the same time.

The doctor read her expression and tried to understand what she was going through.

“Every girl has to make choices, some of which affect the rest of their lives. Now I need to know some things, so I can give you the right advice, okay?”

Martina nodded.

“Good. As a boy, did you fancy boys or girls?” he asked.

“Neither really, only when I dressed as a girl, I fancied boys, but only when they thought I was a girl. I didn’t want them to fancy me as a feminine boy!” she replied.

“Did you dress up as a girl often?”

“Quite often. My mother was a great help. She knew what I was and what I wanted, so she would help. I became the daughter that she really wanted. She is very lonely, you see, as my Dad is always abroad, and all my brothers have moved away. There is just the two of us! I have a couple of girlfriends, twins, who are my age. I dress up with them and they treat me just like a girl. That is why it is so easy for me now,” she explained.

“Have you had any sexual attraction to these girlfriends?”

Martina laughed, and shook her head, “Oh no, they’re just mates.”

“Okay, have you had any sexual attraction towards any boys?”

Martina looked down at her hands and then, slightly shyly, she nodded.

“Go on.”

“His name is Rob, and he has been a friend for years. We went to prep school together. Anyway, a couple of years ago, when I was twelve I was picked to play the female lead in a play, and he was opposite me as the hero. From then on the edges got a bit blurred, and last holidays, we sort of got together.”

“What do you mean?”

“We went to the beach, I was in my mum’s bikini, and, well we sort of had a kiss and a cuddle.” Martina had gone very red.

“Was he the friend you just spoke to?”

She nodded.

“What does he think of all this?”

Martina looked the doctor in the eye, and he noticed that her blue eyes were sparkling.

“He told me that it was an answer to prayer. He is thrilled and relieved.”

“Why relieved?”

“Probably because it means he isn’t gay,” she said, with a little smile.

The doctor nodded.

“When you kissed and cuddled, did he try anything else?”

Martina went very red.


“He didn’t, but I did,” she said, at last.

“Go on.”

“We were in the water, swimming and splashing about. Anyway he grabbed me, and we went under the water. We cuddled and I kissed him. Then I felt he got a stiffy, you know - an erection, and I was flattered that he fancied me, and at the same time curious. I hadn’t really ever had one, not like his. It was so much bigger! Anyway, I touched it, and he sort of went all funny. So I just held it and started to rub it. It seemed so natural, he didn’t move away, and it was like I had a sort of control over him. Then he came in my hand, I got a real kick out of that. That was all, and he never tried anything with me. I could tell he wanted to, but neither of us knew what, and I didn’t want to be a pretend woman! We just sort of left it at that and never did anything again. Was I wrong?”

“What is right and wrong? This is new territory for you both. You are psychologically a girl, and I suspect have been for an awfully long time. Now you are physically a girl, and you have the complete female sex drive to match. No I should say you are a normal, sexually mature teenager, who is likely to get pregnant if you are not careful!”

“Oh,” said Martina, slightly stunned by the new reality of her situation.

“Oh, indeed. Just think, had you had all the female bits last summer, what do you think young Rob would have done?”

Martina thought for a moment and began to smile.

“Exactly, he would have manually excited you, as you had done to him, and then as you both got bolder, need I say more?”

Martina grinned, and looked sheepish.

“I will only say two things to you. One: Sexually transmitted diseases, and two: babies! You do not want the first, ever; and the second you can do without for a very long time. Both can be prevented by not having sex. You are too young to have sex legally, so you risk having young Rob carted off to a Young Offenders Institution!

“Once you become sixteen, you can legally have sex, but still can get diseases and pregnant. Martina, you have a lot to learn about being female. There is much more to it than clothes and make up, and all the pretty things. Life as a girl is tough, as you will come up against discrimination, prejudice and sexual harassment. There are men who use and abuse women, and you have to contend with hormone levels all over the place.

“I’m not going to be your GP, but I want you to give your doctor this letter. I’m sure your mother will go through all this with you later, but you’ve missed the bulk of your childhood as a girl, so I just want to make absolutely certain you are clear about this matter. My advice is simple; don’t have full sexual intercourse until you feel you must. The choice is yours, and will always be, unless you are sexually attacked, but use the choice wisely. If you are going to do it, then take precautions, go on the pill, and get the boy to wear a condom. The pill won’t stop disease, and the condom may break, so always use both. Okay?”

Martina nodded, but in her mind, Rob was already taking her clothes off.

“Look, your mother will be here soon, why don’t you have a shower, and get all the mud off?” the doctor suggested.

Martina nodded, and went and started the shower. The sickbay was empty at this time, which was fortunate, as the sight of a very attractive naked girl may not have assisted the sick recover. On the other hand, it just might have done!

She spent a long time under the shower. As Martin, she had always been quickly in, wash, quickly out, keeping the naked time to a minimum. Now, she explored and revelled in her new body. She found the whole package such a delight. She had never felt as content and complete as she did at this moment.

She returned to the room, wrapped in a towel, while drying her hair with another one.

There was a commotion outside, and Jenny burst through the door.

She stood staring in frank disbelief at her daughter. Martina smiled, lifting her arms out to her side. Her towel fell away, revealing all her glory.

“Look Mummy, I’m a girl!” she said.

Jenny burst into tears and hugged her daughter close; both were laughing and crying at the same time.

After a few minutes, the doctor said, “I gather that this event is not unwelcome?”

“Oh, doctor, you just have no idea how much I, no, we have so wanted this to happen. It really is an answer to prayer. A real miracle!” Jenny said.

She lifted up a carrier bag.

“I’ve brought a few of your things,” she said.

Martina took the bag and started to dress, unselfconsciously.

Jenny was utterly amazed to see how she had developed in the weeks since she last saw her. This was a fully developed young woman!

Martina pulled on her little white panties and a set of tights, and then, for the first time, managed to fill her bra with all her own flesh. She kept smiling and glancing at herself in the mirror. She put on the short skirt and a large fluffy white pullover over the white blouse. She slipped on her shoes, with high heels, and found a hairbrush at the bottom of the bag. She started to put her hair in order, and Doctor Robinson found himself in awe over how natural she was.

When she took out a little make up bag and applied the make up so professionally, he began to realise how prepared this girl was for her new chapter in her life. She put in her ear studs, and stepped back to admire herself.

The young woman who faced him now, was a completely different entity to the dishevelled and emotional creature that had burst into the sick bay a couple of hours ago.

Martina was now looking almost ten years older, so Doctor Robinson had to admit that if young Rob was involved with her, he was very lucky indeed. She was utterly delightful and a pleasure to be with.

The Matron walked into the room.

“Ah, Mrs Collins, oh, my word!” She saw Martina, and forgot what she was going to say.

“Why, child, you are far too pretty to have ever been a boy! I am so pleased for you. Boys are such horrid creatures,” she said.

She turned to Jenny, “You must be thrilled, after those four boys, she is such a delight,” she said.

“Thank you, yes, I know. She has always been a delight,” Jenny replied.

The doctor told Jenny how they should proceed, giving her a copy of his medical report. It would assist them in getting the details on the birth certificate altered. The last thing any of them wanted was a press field day. Particularly as Martina was so attractive, the press would have milked it for all it was worth.

The doctor also advised Jenny to take her daughter to a GP and to discuss contraception with her.

Jenny looked at Martina with her mouth open, and Martina had the grace to look sheepish once more.

“Marti, that was very quick,” she said, trying to suppress a smile.

“I’ll tell you later,” Martina said, feeling sheepish.

With no reason to be in the sick-bay, they all went downstairs, to find a heap of Martina’s belongings by the entrance.

With the doctor’s assistance, they loaded everything into the back of the Mercedes. They were just finishing when the Headmaster appeared.

“Ah, Jenny. Good to see you again,” he said. “What do you think of your new daughter then?”

“You can’t know how pleased I am. I’m so grateful for the way you have handled this. The doctor has told me how you are going to report it all. We just want to be able to move on. How I’m going to tell Charles, I will never know,” she said, with a weary edge to her voice.

“I must pop to the loo,” said Martina.

“There is a ladies down the hall on the left,” Matron told her.

Martina left her mother talking to the Headmaster, and went in search of relief. On locating the ladies, she entered the cubicle, and pulled down her knickers and tights. She sat down and released her pee. The feeling was similar yet slightly different from before. She wiped and flushed. She regarded her new genitalia, feeling an excitement grow inside her, as a huge dark cloud evaporated from her. She’d carried the cloud since her earliest memories, and it was very strange to be free from it.

She left the cubicle and washed her hands. On looking into the mirror, she tried to come to terms with the differences that had happened instantaneously. Oh, she was the same person, but then subtle changes had taken place, as well as quite unsubtle ones, like two respectable breasts and new genitalia. Her face was fuller, rounder and softer, loosing the faintly angular, lean look of a prepubescent boy. She smiled, taking out her mascara brush and went over her eyelashes again. Then she left the loo and was on her way back to the car when a large boy came round the corner and bumped into her. She sat down with a whump on her bum, letting rip with a girlish squeal of surprise. Her legs went out and she knew that he had an unrestricted view up her skirt.

“Oh God! I’m so sorry. Here, let me help you up. Are you hurt?” the boy said, blushing beetroot red.

Martina recognised him as one of the senior prefects, a Bruce Lesley. He was the Captain of the 1st Rubgy XV and fancied himself rotten.

“Only my pride,” she said, allowed him to help her to her feet.

“Are you sure you are okay?” he said, grovelling now.

“I’m fine, really, thanks,” she said.

“Good, I’m glad. Look, you’re not lost or anything, are you?” he asked, reluctant to allow such a lovely girl leave.

“No, I’m absolutely fine, thanks all the same,” Martina said.

“I don’t often see beautiful girls here, you aren’t by any chance staying for a while?” he said, hopefully.

“No, actually I’m just leaving. I don’t expect I’ll be back. Not for a while, anyway,” she said.

The Headmaster rescued her.

“Ah. Martina, your mother is ready. Bruce, what are you up to?” he asked.

“Sorry sir, I, ah, accidentally bumped into this young lady, and she fell over. And….” His voice trailed away under the steady gaze of his Headmaster.

“Martina, this is my captain of the rugger team, he is very good at rugger, but not so good at explaining things. Bruce, my friend’s niece has leave, say goodbye, there’s a good chap!”

“Goodbye, Martina, it has been a pleasure, and I sorry about your bum,” Bruce said.

“Goodbye Bruce. I’m sure my bum will survive,” she said, flashing a smile that melted his heart.

The boy left and the Headmaster laughed.

“I think it is as well you are leaving us, my dear, I can’t imagine the chaos you will cause to my fine young men.”

They returned to where Jenny waited.

“I’ve just had to rescue my captain of the first XV, from your daughter’s clutches. He is going to be useless for days, just able to dribble and drool on the good moments,” the Headmaster said with a grin, displaying a sense of humour that Martina had never seen. “For goodness sakes, take Martina home, otherwise I shall have to put bromide in the tea. I will have the bursar call you, and we can refund any fees.”

Jenny and Martina said their goodbyes, get into the car and drove out of the school grounds. Martina didn’t even bother to look round.

“Mummy, what’s bromide?” she asked.

“It’s what the army put in tea to suppress the soldiers’ sexual urges,” Jenny replied.

“Oh,” said Martina, with a little smile.

“Yes, oh yes, I think we need to have a girl to mother chat,” Jenny said.

“Oh,” repeated Martina, “must we?”

“Yes, we must. Now what was the doctor going on about?”

“Well, he was just advising me about female contraception, that’s all,” Martina replied.

“What started all that?”

“He wanted to know whether I fancied boys or girls, seeing I have been both,” she replied.


“And nothing. I’m a girl, Mummy, I’ve always been a girl, only I was in a horrid body. I wanted to change, so my body changed. There never has been anything queer about me.”

“Go on.”

“Okay, I fancy boys, and I’ve got a boyfriend. Okay, happy now?”

“How on earth have you managed to get a boyfriend?” Jenny asked. Then it dawned on her.

“Rob?” she asked her daughter.

“Might be,” Martina said, smiling.

“Oh God, you don’t half complicate things, Martina. How long has this been going on?”

“Not long,” she said.

“How long?”

“Only a couple of years.”

“A couple of years! For goodness sakes, you were only twelve.”

“Well it sort of started when we did the play. But we got serious in the summer.”

Jenny drove in silence for a while.

“Does he know?” she finally asked Martina, who nodded.

“Yes, I promised I’d tell him when it happened,” she said.

“What was his reaction?”

“He told me he loved me,” Martina admitted.

“And do you love him?” Jenny asked.

Martina grinned and nodded. “I think about him all the time, I always want to be with him, and when I spoke to him I almost came,” she said.

“Martina, for goodness sake! You mustn’t speak like that, it’s very un-ladylike,” Jenny was shocked.

“Well it’s true, I got all tingly, and I was all moist, down there,” She pointed to her new vagina.

“Oh, Martina, you could have grown up a little slower. I haven’t had time to prepare for being a teenage girl’s mother,” Jenny wailed.

“Oh Mummy, I’ll be fine. I promise I won’t have full sex until I am least sixteen, so don’t panic. Besides our problem is telling Daddy,” Martina reminded her.

Jenny went quiet, so Martina felt that something was not right.

“Mummy, what is it, has something happened?” she asked.

Jenny glanced at her new lovely daughter, as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Martina, I wasn’t going to tell you yet, because you’ve had enough to contend with. But your Daddy won’t be coming home,” she said.

“Oh, he was having an affair then?” she asked in a calm and neutral tone, as if it was common knowledge.

Jenny looked sharply at Martina. The girl was staring straight of the window, and did not appear upset at all.

“How did you know?”

“I didn’t, but he rarely came home. When he did, he was miserable and grumpy, and couldn’t wait to leave. He had no time for you or any of us, and was generally a miserable git. I never got to know him, and I know it sounds callous, but I’m glad he’s gone. Just make sure to screw the bastard over the divorce,” she told her mother.

“Martina!” Jenny was quite shocked. This was the last reaction she ever expected.

“Well, he deserves it. Where is his other woman?”

“Hong Kong.”

“Is she a chink, or what?”

“Martina! No, she isn’t, oh, I don’t know, I think she is Australian,” Jenny said.

“How did you find out?”

“He wrote to me, and then had the nerve to ask for me to send all his stuff over to him. I told him if he wanted it to come and collect it, and if it wasn’t collected in two weeks I would give it all to Oxfam!”

“Good for you, mind you, I’d have shredded the lot!” Martina said.

Jenny started to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Martina asked.

“I was so worried about telling you, it gave me endless sleepless nights. So it’s a bit of a surprise that, not only do you accept it readily, but you are so supportive. I should have told you weeks ago!”

“When did he write?”

“Just before the end of the holidays.”

“Are we alright for cash?” Martina asked.

“Oh, my, ever the practical one, aren’t you? Yes dear, we’re fine for cash. He knows that I can take him to the cleaners, we have come to a reasonable arrangement.”

“Which is?”

“I get the house and the cars. I get an income of three thousand a month for life, and all your school and university fees paid. I get a lump sum of fifty thousand, which is put in trust for you, and I get the income until I die.”

“Is that fair?” Martina asked.

“Oh yes, the house is worth at least half a million, and I am allowed to sell it without incurring tax.”

“Do you want to sell it?” she asked.

“Would you mind?”

“I couldn’t really care, Mummy, as I’m just happy being me. As long as we have a home somewhere, it will only be the two of us, until I get married, that is,” Martina said.

Jenny laughed.

“Now what have I said?”

“Oh, Martina, you have no idea what a joy you are. All the things I dreaded talking about, you have just brushed them all away as inconsequentialities. I wish I had your attitude to life.”

“When you get trapped in a life that you hate and life becomes a living nightmare, much of the rest is inconsequential when you get down to it,” Martina replied.

Jenny looked at her.

“Are you sure you aren’t going to be twenty-four tomorrow, instead of fourteen?”

“Well let’s face it, Mummy, I’ve had the shitty end of the stick so far. The house is fine; I have some happy memories and few horrid ones. I love Dorset, so I would rather stay near the sea, and as long as we are together, I’ll be happy. A daughter belongs with her mother, at least until she grows up.”

“By the sound of it, you have almost grown up already,” Jenny remarked.

They were passing the pub that they stopped at on the way home the last time.

“Do you want to stop here again?” she asked.

Martina thought for a moment, and then smiled. “Why not, I might pick up another soldier,” she said.

Shaking her head and grinning, Jenny indicated and pulled into the car park.

“Knowing your form, you will probably end up as the regimental mascot,” she joked.

Jenny parked the car and they went into the pub. The dining room was empty, as it was only 6.30 on a weekday, but there were a few people in the bar. They sat at the same table as the last visit, and ordered their food.

“Has anyone been round the house yet?” Martina asked.

“No, I have an estate agent coming on Friday. It’s all so depressing!”

“What do the boys think about it all?”

“We haven’t told them yet. I haven’t seen any of them for ages.”

“How are we going to tell them about me?” Martina asked.

“I haven’t a clue. How do you think we should do it?”

Martina reached across the table and took her mother’s hand.

“Life really is a bitch. I’m sorry for giving you extra grief. You have so much on your plate, the last thing you need is me going all strange on you.”

“Oh, Martina, you are the only thing that has kept me going. I think I would have quite happily ended it all years ago!” Jenny was crying now.

“Look, don’t cry, Mummy. We’re together now. I will always be there for you. We are free now. You are free of the bastard, and I’m free of the Worm. We can start our new lives together. Let me get you a drink. What would you like, a glass of wine?” she asked.

“Martina, you are too young. I’ll get them.”

“In that state, look, do I look fourteen? Give me your purse.” She held out her hand and Jenny obediently handed it over.

Martina got up and walked over to the bar.

The young man behind the bar greeted her.

“Hi, what can I get you?”

“Hi, can I have two glasses of a medium white wine please?” she said.

“Okay.” The man pulled two glasses from the rack and filled them

Martina paid, and was about to return to the table, when a voice said,

“Martina? I thought it was you.”

She turned and saw Mike. She suddenly felt guilty, as she never called him.

“Look I’m sorry about last time, but we went off to Canada on exercise,” he said. “Let me carry these for you.” He picked up the glasses and carried them to the table before she could protest.

Jenny had recovered her composure, so smiled at the young man as he delivered the wine. Then she looked at her daughter and shook her head very slowly. Martina smiled and gave a little shrug.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he said to Martina.

“Mike, this is my mum. Mummy this is Mike, he’s the soldier I met last time, remember?”

“I remember. Hello Mike.”

“Hello Martina’s mum. It’s nice to meet you again.” He shook her hand.

“Mike, you look like a nice boy, and I would hate to ruin your day, but you really need to know. Martina may look older, but she is only fourteen.”

Mike looked shocked.

“Oh. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It isn’t your fault Mike, she keeps doing it. We can’t seem to go anywhere without her picking up some nice boy. The country is littered with broken hearts. We shall all be so relieved when she finally turns sixteen. Just don’t tell the barman, or we’ll get into trouble,” Jenny said.

Rather than be discouraged, Mike sat down at the empty place.

“You look much older, I thought you were eighteen. I’m only eighteen. I thought you were older than me. I first thought you two were sisters or something,” he said, and Jenny burst out laughing.

There was an uneasy silence, but finally Martina broke it.

“How is your tank?”

Mike laughed. “It’s okay. Look, I’m sorry about being so forward and such.”

“That’s okay, how was Canada?” she asked. Jenny rolled her eyes, sat back and watched Martina in action.

They heard all about Canada, tanks, beer, beavers and a strange episode involving a moose and a Mountie. Jenny was just amazed at Martina’s ability to put the boy at his ease. She just asked a few questions, and looked interested. He simply fell into the trap, and she had him where she wanted him.

To her relief their food came, so Mike departed.

“Martina, you are incorrigible,” she said.

“Oh, Mummy, you’re just jealous,” Martina said.

Jenny realised that she actually was a little jealous. Martina had not a care in the world; she was full of confidence and had that certain something that made men just want to be with her.

“What are we going to do with you?” she asked.

Martina shrugged, “I’ll have to find a new school, I suppose,” she said.

“Yes, but which one, and who would have room at this time of year? The school year has only just started.”

“I know of one that has room. It is co-ed, and supposed to be really good,” Martina said, as she took a bite of her steak.

“Oh, yes? And this wouldn’t happen to be the same school as a certain lad called Rob is at, would it?” Jenny asked.

Martina grinned, and took a sip of the wine. “This wine is nice.” she said.

“And would you just happen to have the telephone number of this school?” Jenny asked.

Martina picked up her bag, opened it and handed a piece of paper to her mother.

“What the hell, why not? You deserve something to go right. I’ll ring them tomorrow. But you, young lady, will behave, and leave the poor boy alone. Okay?”

“Okay,” Martina grinned.

They finished their meal and left the pub. Martina waved at Mike, who smiled and waved in return.

Jenny chuckled quietly to herself as they drove home.
The next day saw a whole new start for Martina. She awoke late, having slept better than she could ever remember. She immediately felt her crotch, and upon her fingers feeling the soft opening to her vagina, she relaxed. She smiled and offered her silent prayer of thanks to God, for what had happened.

It was nearly ten o’clock. She dressed in a pair of jeans at tee shirt, going downstairs to find her mother on the phone in the kitchen. She poured out some cornflakes and poured over some milk and sugar.

She was munching away when her mother hung up the phone.

“Happy birthday, my sweetheart,” she said, giving her daughter a hug.

“Thanks Mummy.”

“I never had time to get you anything yesterday. I am so sorry.”

“I got the most wonderful present yesterday. But I’ll let you buy me some clothes,” Martina said.

“That’s a deal. Oh, by the way, you have an interview this afternoon at two o’clock,” she said.


“Broughton Hall School. The Headmaster wants to meet you. I have explained a sort of true series of events, and he states that if you pass the interview, you can start on Monday next week.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him the truth; that it was all rather unfortunate, but your true gender was overlooked by poor medical staff at birth, due to ambiguous genitalia. We brought you up as a boy, but the anatomical defects rectified themselves at puberty, which coincided with your hormonal development and you became obviously female. All ambiguity has now vanished, so that you are fine and normal now. I told him that you are a bright child, and he wants to see your common entrance results.

“He wanted to know how I came to hear of the school, so I told him that a friend of the family recommended it to us. Anything else, Miss?”

“No, that’s fine. What shall I wear?” Martina asked, totally un-phased by the whole idea.

“Something a fourteen year old would wear, and not an eighteen year old tart,” Jenny replied. Then she noticed that Martina was wearing jeans.

“What’s this, trousers?”

Martina shrugged, “I’ve got the bits I wanted, so I haven’t anything to prove anymore. Besides, it’s bloody freezing!”


“Love you too Mum,” she replied.

“If we have to be there by two, we ought to leave soon. I haven’t a clue how to get there,” Jenny said.

“Up to the M3, then the A34, past Newbury, Didcot, and Abingdon. Round the Oxford ring road, and off towards Woodstock. Through Chipping Norton and then left. It’s easy,” said Martina. “I’ll go and change then.”

Jenny was left alone in the kitchen, speechless, again!

Martina went back upstairs and spent a long time deciding what to wear.

Eventually, she wore a plain white blouse and a dark pleated skirt. She wore dark tights, and wore a black jacket. She put a tiny amount of makeup on, and despaired about her hair.

“MUM!” she bellowed.

Jenny came up stairs.

“What is it?” she said.

“I have got to do something about my hair. What do you suggest?”

“I can layer it a little, and we can make it look a little more feminine,” she suggested.

“Anything, as I swear I’m never going to cut it ever again!”

Jenny spent the next half hour doing Martina’s hair. First, she gave it a little trim, into a pageboy style, and then layered it, adding some gel to give it extra body. When finished, it looked good, and Martina announced that it “Would do!”

At five minutes to two in the afternoon, Jenny drove the Mercedes through the gates of Broughton Hall.

The school was set on a hill in the Cotswolds, with a commanding 360 ° view of the surrounding countryside. The main school building comprised of the classrooms, main hall and chapel. There were more classrooms and science labs in another couple of buildings. The houses in which the pupils resided, were dotted around the campus, with the two girls’ houses, at the north end, some way away from the boys.

Jenny pulled up outside the secondary classroom block, and by the door marked, “Reception”.

They went in, and told the lady at the desk why they were there.

She picked up a telephone, and after a couple of minutes, a tall, cheerful man, in his mid fifties, came out to see them.

“Ah, Mrs Collins, I am Marcus Brady. We spoke on the phone, I am the Headmaster.” He shook Jenny’s hand. He turned to Martina.

“Hello, Martina. I am pleased to meet you. It seems you have had a pretty rough time.” He shook her hand too.

“Mrs Collins, Mary here will get you a coffee, or tea. I will just have a little chat with Martina, and then we can get together. Will you be all right?”

“Fine, thanks. Oh, here are the CE results you asked for.” She handed him a large envelope.

“Good, thank you.”

Marcus took Martina into his study. There was a sofa at one end and an easy chair next to it.

He asked Martina to sit on the sofa, while he sat in the easy chair.

“Your mother tells me that you have had to live with a bit of a mix up. Would you like to tell me a little about it?”

“It seems that I was wrongly identified as being a boy at birth. I am not sure why, but I had to live as a boy. I went through prep school, and wasn’t particularly happy, but when puberty struck, my real gender became obvious. It all came out yesterday, and here I am.”

“Hmm. I see. Let me just read your last reports from Halsey House. Halsey House? Ah we have someone here who went there. Now who was it? Ah, yes, Robert Alexander. Do you know him?” he asked.

“Yes, sir. We are friends,” Martina admitted.

“Good, splendid. He’ll be a bit shocked to see you a girl, won’t he?”

“No sir. He knows. He was my only close friend and I told him everything. He can keep secrets.” Martina said.

Marcus looked at the girl in front of him. She appeared perfectly normal, a very pretty and polite girl. If anything, she appeared slightly older than her actual age. She returned his stare unflinchingly.

He looked at the report in his hands. He read that today was her birthday. She was fourteen.

“Happy birthday,” he said.

“Thank you, sir.”

He read how she had achieved nearly 80% across the board in all subjects. Higher in maths, English, and art. She had been deputy head of school, and the leading light in the drama group. He read her last headmaster’s report:

This young man has an unconventional approach to life. He is always helpful, kind and polite. He is a very intelligent and practical lad. Sometimes he is too gentle for his own good, and is rather reluctant to join in some of the more active team sports. However, his commitment for his friends and the school is second to none. He proved to be a wonderful actor and a real sport. His 'leading' lady in the drama was very convincing. I was even tricked into believing he was a girl! He was a superb deputy head of school, and was one of the most honest and forthright pupils I have ever met. He will do very well anywhere!

“It is hardly surprising that you managed to trick him, is it?” Marcus asked.

“I’m sorry, sir?”

“You managed to fool your last headmaster into believing you were a girl. I can understand it now,” he said.

“Oh, yes sir.” Martina smiled.

They spent the next half an hour chatting about Martina, her likes, dislikes and her ambitions. They talked about relationships, responsibility and home life. She asked him about the school, the aims, the ethos and the general scheme of things.

Finally, Marcus could think of nothing else he could ask Martina. She appeared to him to be a real find. Broughton Hall was a small, family orientated independent school, which was based on a solid Christian ethos. But it also had a large proportion of children with special needs, such as dyslexia and dyspraxia. Martina was a very bright child, who would excel in any school, but here she would be almost in a class of her own. For an individual who had been through so much, it was the perfect place, and she should blossom as she rose through the school.

Marcus made his mind up.

“Martina, I’d like to offer you a place at Broughton Hall. If you wish to accept my offer, you would be able to start as soon as you can. I suggest that next week would be ideal, as there may be things you need to sort out before starting. Would you like to talk it over with your mother?” he asked.

“No, thank you. I will come, if that’s okay. Thank you very much,” Martina said, before he changed his mind.

Marcus smiled at the girl and went to find Jenny.

“I have offered Martina a place at the school and she has accepted. As I intimated on the phone, next Monday will be suitable. It will give you time to acquire the necessary kit. If we have a little chat, Mrs Collins, I will arrange someone to show Martina round the school.”

Marcus left them alone for a moment.


Martina grinned.

“He is a man, isn’t he?” she said. Jenny rolled her eyes and smiled.

Marcus returned, smiling warmly.

“I’ve arranged someone from Martina’s new class to come and show her around. They won’t be long,” he informed them.

“There is one thing, Mr Brady,” Jenny said.


“You ought to know that I’m in the middle of a rather nasty divorce, so I plan to revert to my maiden name as soon as I can, which is Bennett. I think, in light of our unique circumstances, that it would be best if Martina has the same surname,” Jenny said.

“I can see the sense in that. It really is a very small world, so we don’t want to make life even more difficult than it already is. Yes, that’s fine, so I’ll make sure all her paperwork reflects this.”

“Thank you,” said Jenny.
Rob was bored.

Wednesdays were CCF (Combined Cadet Force) days, but he was in the 3rd year, so he had little to do that stimulated him, as CCF started in the 4th year. They were learning rudimentary map reading, but as Rob learned it years ago, he was falling asleep.

The school secretary came into the classroom.

“Alexander, can you report to the Headmaster’s study please,” she said.

Rob was surprised, what had he done now?

He walked over with the secretary.

“Why does he want me?” he asked, feeling slightly worried.

“There is a new pupil he wants showing round,” she said.

Ah well, better than map reading, he thought.

As they approached the reception, Rob saw the Mercedes. He suddenly had a weird feeling. He couldn’t remember the number on Marti’s car, but it looked to be the same colour and model.

No, it was just a coincidence. He told himself.

He went into the empty reception area and waited.

He looked at the picture on the wall.

“Hi Rob. Remember me?” said a voice behind him.

He turned and there she was. There, but so different, this was a whole new Marti. Then the headmaster came out.

“Ah, Alexander, bit of a shock eh? It’s not often you see an old chum as a chum-ette?

“No sir. I mean, Yes sir.”

“Right. Now I want nothing about Miss Bennett’s past leaking out. Is that clear?”

“Miss Bennett, sir?” Rob asked, puzzled.

“Yes, her mother is reverting to her maiden name, so Martina is taking it as well, for obvious reasons.”


”Good. Now off you go, be back in an hour. Oh, and try not to lose her, right?”

“Yes sir.”

The youngsters went outside.

“How the hell did you manage this?” he asked.

“Pleased to see me?” she asked.

“You know I am. I am just surprised, that’s all. You look different, what happened?” he asked.

“How do you mean different?” She asked.

“Well you sort of go in and out more, and in different places.” Rob stared at her. “You look great. I’ve missed you!” he said, unable to contain his smile any longer.

She smiled. She had never really noticed his slight Scot’s accent before; she adored it.

“I keep forgetting you’re Scottish, I love your accent. Why did your parents send you all the way down here?”

“I think I used to try to hide the accent before, but now I’m proud of it. As for this school, my Dad is an old friend of the Headmaster, so he thought that this would be a really good place to send me to. Besides, do you know how cold it gets in Scotland?” he said with a smile.

“Remember the beach?” she asked.

“I couldn’t forget it,” he said.

“Well, next time will be different. Oh Rob, you have no idea what it feels like, to be normal at last!”

“I can imagine. Are you really coming here?” he asked.

“Yes, I start on Monday. Aren’t you pleased?” she asked.

“I’m certainly surprised. I know I suggested it, but I never in the world thought you would manage it. No, I’m really thrilled. You’ll like it here, it’s very friendly and much better than prep school.”

They walked round the school. It was much like any other, and Martina just liked being with Rob.

“Do you want to see the girls’ houses?” he asked.

“If you like,” she said. “I’m not that bothered, I just like being with you.”

He smiled at her, so they walked to the top end of the school where the two girl’s houses were located.

“You’ve changed,” he said.

“You told me that already,” she said.

“No, really, you’ve grown up. You seem much older now, and I can’t really explain it. It’s as if you’ve lost your vulnerability or something.”

“Do you want to see what I’ve lost?” she asked.

“What?” He looked at her sharply.

“Nothing,” she said, with a naughty smile. They had arrived at the girls’ houses. The two buildings were symmetrically replicated side by side, with woodland to the rear.

They walked up the path, so Rob rang the bell.

“Hello Mrs Williams, this is Martina Bennett. She is starting here next week, so the Headmaster wants her to see the house,” Rob explained to the housemistress, when she answered the door.

Mrs Williams showed Martina the dormitories and the studies for the older girls. It was a bright and friendly place, but just like a school. Martina liked it. She thanked Mrs Williams, and met up with Rob at the front door.

“Now what?” she asked.

Rob shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you want to see the assault course?”

“I don’t know. Would I like it?” she asked.

“Probably not, but it is in the woods,” he said with a smile.

“Okay then, let’s go.” She followed him up a little path that led to the woods.

The assault course was a little dilapidated and over grown. But he had been right, it was in the woods!

She stopped in a little clearing, there were no sounds apart from the birds.

He looked at her.

“What is the matter?” he asked.

“Nothing. Come here,” she said.

Rob came to her. They stood just inches apart.

“You deserve to know the difference. You have stood by me through everything, so I want to share it with you,” she said, taking both his hands in hers. He stood, watching, rather nervous.

She let go of his hands and undid her blouse. She opened the blouse up, and he saw the swell of her breasts restrained by her bra. She slipped her skirt down, followed by her knickers and tights, down as far as her thighs. Rob swallowed. He had never seen a girl naked before, apart from his mother, and she didn’t count.

She took his hand. She let him touch her warm and soft mound, and then placed his fingers at her opening. Then she stepped back, pulling her underwear back up.

“So you see, Rob. Martin is dead and gone forever. All you have got left is me,” she said as she buttoned up her blouse.

“How could it have happened?” he asked. “This is impossible, as I knew Martin, and he had…”

“You said it yourself. If you want something enough, nothing is impossible,” she told him. He reached out and took her hands.

“I have really missed you. It’s funny, but I have been thinking of you a lot. And it is always as the girl. I can hardly remember what Martin, the boy, looked like,” he said.

“Neither can I,” she said.

She placed one of her hands behind his head.

“Oh, dear, sweet Rob, have you any idea how much your support has meant to me?” she said, pulling his head down to hers. Their lips locked in an uneasy, yet passionate kiss. They had kissed before, but not like this. His hands held her tight, and they hardly breathed, their tongues teasing and caressing each other mouths.

His hand moved to her breast, which he stroked in a rather fumbling manner, but then he found and gently rolled her nipple through the material of the blouse and bra. His other hand went to her bottom and he pulled her tight against his pelvis, as she moaned with pleasure. She felt his hardness, so gently rubbed herself against him. His hand went from her bottom, sliding down the front of her knickers, his index finger entered her opening, locating her little clitoris. He rubbed it, causing her to moan again, as her hand reached into his trousers for his cock.

Suddenly, Doctor Robinson’s voice seemed to echo through the woods. Martina broke away, breathless and panting.

Rob looked at her. He was breathing heavily and feeling confused.

“My God, you have changed!” he said.

“So have you,” she said.

“Why did you stop?” he asked.

“Because this is neither the time nor the place, and if I go back with grass stains on my bum and pregnant, it’s not going to take Sherlock Holmes to work out who did it,” she said.

“Pregnant?” he repeated.

“Duh, pregnant, you know, when two people do it?”

“I never thought of that!” he said.

“No, then it is just as well I did,” she said. “Look Rob, this is serious. I’m now a fertile female, so I don’t want to screw up both our lives over a quick squelchy hump in some damp woods. Yes, I want to have sex, and I can’t think of anyone I would rather have it with, but not yet. Neither of us really know what we are doing. We are both too young to start being this silly! We’ll have to wait. We can still have fun, but we have to be careful, sensible and patient. None of those are your strong points are they?” she teased.

“Shit, Martina, where was I when you grew up?” Rob asked, astounded at his friend.

“Rob, you were probably in my dreams, where you have always been. But I have had to grow up fast. I never got a chance to be a little girl, so this is very hard for me! But not as hard as it was pretending to be a boy.

“But we are now in the real world, not that dream-like pretend world we were in a few months ago. There’s no playacting now, as we’ve moved on, but there’s no need for guilt or secrets. Everything is in the open. Okay, lover?” she said, stroking his cheek with her hand.

“Okay,” he smiled sheepishly.

“What?” she asked, as they walked out of the woods.

“It’s just you are the first girl I’ve seen, you know, sort of, naked,” he admitted.

“That’s where I have an advantage then,” she replied, laughing.
They returned to the reception, so Rob waited with Martina outside the study until Jenny and the Head finished their business. They chatted away together like the old friends they were. Mary, the secretary casually watched them, smiling at the natural, relaxed and free manner they had with each other. She thought that these two would need watching in the not so distance future.

Marcus and Jenny came out of the study and Jenny looked very much more relaxed.

She saw Rob first, smiled, and then looked at Martina.

“Rob, this is my mum. Mummy this is Rob,” Martina said, almost word for word as the pub the previous night. Jenny couldn’t help smiling.

“Rob, I remember you from Halsey House. We met on speech day, and you played opposite Martina in a couple of productions, didn’t you?”

“Yes Mrs Col…Bennett.”

“It’s so nice that Martina is going to have you here. I know how much she has valued your support and friendship.”

“It should be great having her here,” Rob admitted, meaning it.

“Just keep her in line, don’t let her bully you,” Jenny said, with a grin.

“I won’t. Goodbye Mrs Bennett, bye Martina, see you on Monday!” Rob left, and Martina watched him go rather sadly. Marcus watched the interaction with a wry smile. The eye contact between the two kids was very meaningful.

“Right. That’s all settled. We will see you anytime on Sunday afternoon, when you can get settled in. It’s been a pleasure to meet you both, and I hope, Martina, you will be very happy here,” Marcus said.

“I’m sure I shall, thank you,” said Martina.
They got into the car and began the long drive home.

Martina was uncharacteristically silent.

“Penny for them?” Jenny asked.

“It’s really odd; not having to pretend any more. It is almost as if there is something missing,” she replied.

Jenny laughed.

“I think that is a slight understatement,” she said.

“Oh, Mummy! Not that. No, I can’t really explain it. It’s almost as if the anger and frustration were the things that kept me going, and now they’re gone, I don’t seem to have the oomph any more. Does that make any sense?”

“Perfect sense, but the anger and frustration were negative, and easy to identify with. You need to change your focus onto more positive things, like love and kindness. I’ve watched you when you are around people, particularly as a girl. You’re a lovely person, as you make time for people, you help those who struggle, and you make people feel special. These qualities are wonderful things to have. You need to channel your oomph into things like these.”

“Is sex positive or negative?” Martina asked.

“It can be both. In a loving relationship, it is very positive. But sex for sex’s sake can be very destructive and negative. Sex should never be a bargaining tool over emotions, and it should never be used to manipulate or control.”

“When did you first have sex?” Martina asked, out of the blue.

Jenny laughed, but was embarrassed.

“I was fifteen, it was in the basement of a house in up-state New York, and he was the all American boy. I was on holiday over there, and I thought I was in love. It was quick, it was painless and it was pathetic. I didn’t take precautions, but fortunately I didn’t fall pregnant, and neither did I catch anything. I never saw the boy again, but I don’t think I would have recognised him if I had. There, happy now?”

“Fifteen? Mummy, you tart!” Martina laughed.

Jenny laughed too. She laughed because she was finally able to have a conversation like this, with the daughter she never thought she would ever have. She laughed because she was actually able to share emotive issues with someone who would understand, and she laughed because she found her daughter fun to be with, as a delightful friend.

“Is sex better for women?” Martina asked.

“How should I know dear, I’ve never been a man?”

“I read that a woman can have lots of orgasms, and a man comes only once. Is what the man feels the same as the woman, or more?”

“Martina, I really don’t know. What do you think?”

“When I was Martin, I don’t think I had any orgasms. I got some strange feelings though. The first time I was dressed as a girl, and I didn’t know what was happening. The next time I missed it because I was asleep, and the third time I felt a funny feeling while wearing a bra and tights. I felt so guilty after the third time that I was never interested again. They were all really dreary. I hope a female orgasm is better than that!”

“I’m sure it must be, and I don’t think you were a typical male, do you?”

“I suppose not. Do women wank?”

Jenny laughed again to cover her embarrassment. She could never have had a conversation like this with her mother!

“Yes, Martina, women do wank.”

“Do you?”

“Martina, this is getting a bit personal,” Jenny said.

“A simple ‘yes Martina, I do’, would suffice, you don’t have to get snotty,” Martina said, laughing.

Jenny shook her head.

“Martina, I don’t know if I can cope with having a sexually aware daughter.”

“Get used to it Mummy, because you’re stuck with me!”

“For that I’m very glad, Martina, but there are some things we don’t talk about.”

“Why, how on earth are we meant to learn anything if we don’t talk about them?” she asked.

“You have a point.”

“I became a woman, almost overnight. I’ve had no time to prepare for this role, and this afternoon, I was within a whisker of lying on my back in the woods, only too eager to have the boy I think I love make love to me! Now how the heck do I prepare myself for this?”

“Martina! In the woods?” Jenny was shocked.

“He was pleased to see me, and I was pleased to see him. Besides I wanted him to know I had all the right bits!”

“Oh Martina, what the hell am I going to do with you?” Jenny said.

“Mummy, the point is I didn’t. I stopped it, he didn’t. Besides, I was the leader and he just followed. That’s what frightens me, as I’ve found a power, and it thrills me.”

“There is more to life than sex,” Jenny said.

“When you’re fourteen, sexually aware and curious, all of life is sex,” Martina said. “Or don’t you remember?”

“Who is supposed to be the old and wise mother, here?” Jenny asked.

“If I asked to go on the pill, would that shock you?” she asked.

“Yes, a little. I haven’t got used to having my little girl around yet. But if you became pregnant that would shock me more.”

“Did you ever talk like this with your mother?”

“Never, I still think my mother believed that storks brought babies.”

“Do you miss her?” Martina asked. Her grandmother had died when Jenny was twenty.

“Every day. They say that it gets better with time. It doesn’t, you just learn to cope better,” Jenny said.

“I hope I have a daughter.” said Martina.


“Because then I would like to have someone to talk to, like this. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone as we are. Men just give advice, and have meaningful discussions. They don’t just talk. If you don’t talk, you don’t learn, men just lecture each other. They are so wrapped up in what they have to say, they don’t listen to anyone else.”

“Phew, you’ve become very profound all of a sudden.”

“Well, it’s true. Look, why did you want a daughter?” Martina asked.

Jenny thought for a while, and then started to smile.


“I wanted a daughter so that I could have someone to talk to who would not lecture me, and would understand about my feelings, and whom I could teach to be a better woman than I was. Happy now, clever clogs?” Jenny said.

“Yes! I knew it! So, mother dear, do you wank?”

“Yes, Martina, due to the fact that in nearly thirty years of marriage, I have seen my husband for a total of four. I have to, it is either that or have affairs, and affairs are so tiresome.”

“Have you ever had an affair, I wouldn’t blame you?”

“Yes Martina, I once had an affair, and it was so awful, it put me off.”

“Oh, tell me about it! Was he juicy?”

Jenny laughed.

“Yes, he was, He was the tennis coach when we lived in Caracas. He was dark and very Spanish. Your father was in the States for months, and I was bored. I was alone in our villa with two little boys and I was bored out of my brain. A friend persuaded me to join the tennis club, and the next thing I know Jose was screwing me every day.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I suppose so, but only that I felt I was getting back at Charles. But one day I went to visit Jose in his apartment, and found him in bed with the girl who got me to join in the first place. I never spoke to either of them again!”

“This is better than the telly! Was that the only one?”

“Jose was the only affair. I once had a young American who thought he was in love with me, and would keep sending me flowers and was a real pain.”

“Did you ever go to bed with him?”

“No, Martina, I didn’t. He was ten years younger than me, and a very foolish boy.”

“Have you ever been to bed with a woman?”


“Well, have you?” Martina insisted.

“No, well, sort of, once,” Jenny admitted.


“I was still at university, and we had a girl in our halls who was a bit, you know, butch. Anyway, she was nice enough, and was always helpful and fun to be with. I had a terrible boyfriend, who was very leftwing. One evening, we had the most awful argument, so I fled back to halls in tears. I had ended the relationship and was distraught. The girl, Karen, heard me crying, and came into my room. She cuddled me for ages and poured me a drink. I swore that I would never have anything to do with men ever again, so she poured me another drink. I got very pissed, and the next thing I know she is kissing me and telling me that she had loved me for ages.”

“Don’t stop! What happened?”

“Oh, I don’t remember very well, but we had a kiss and a cuddle, and she did something that I have never experienced before or since, and we took a bath together.”

“Go on, Mummy.You can’t stop there!”

“I fell asleep, so she put me to bed. I awoke with her next to me in her bed. I got up and went back to my room. There, happy now?”

“Cor, my mother is a dyke,” said Martina, teasing.


“Oh don’t be so silly, Mummy, one little fling when pissed doesn’t make you a lesbian. But I would be interested as to what she managed to do to get you so excited,” Martina said.

“So would I,” said Jenny with a smile.

They laughed together.

Martina became rather thoughtful once more, so Jenny drove in silence for a while. Jenny felt happier than she had in a very long time. Her marriage had died years ago, only they had never bothered to do anything about it. Her concerns over little Martin had pulled a veil over everything else, but now the veil was no more. She saw things with a new clarity, and she found herself actually looking forward to the future rather than dreading it.

She had regrets; everyone does, mostly over wasting time on a dead relationship. But having a daughter even seemed to make up for all the regrets.

She glanced at Martina, who was staring ahead, her mind probably on a certain young man. She had a composure and confidence that Jenny never had. Her experiences had been at the expense of innocence and naivety. Life had been very cruel, and yet from the cruel beginning came a strength of character that had forged a will of steel. She was so determined and focussed, that she would succeed whatever the odds.

Martina turned, saw her looking at her, smiled and looked away. They didn’t need to speak. Mother and daughter had become very close.
The rest of the week passed very quickly. Jenny managed to acquire all the necessary kit for the new school, and had submitted the necessary paperwork to the central registry in order to have Martina’s birth certificate altered.

She had taken Martina into Bournemouth for the promised clothes-shopping trip, in lieu of a birthday present. They had had a wonderful time, and both came home with lots of new clothes. Martina had had her hair done, which looked very chic. She had actually agreed to a short style, which would give a nice shape as it grew.

Martina had completely redesigned her mother’s wardrobe, and brought her right up to date. Some of the skirts that Martina bought for herself were so short that Jenny thought they were just wide belts.

Martina had really gone for the make up, so came home with a myriad of little tubs, pads and sticks.

When they got home they gave each other a fashion show, and Jenny gave her daughter several makeovers with her new makeup.

When they went to bed, Martina came and sat on Jenny’s bed.

“Thanks for today, it was great fun,” she said to her mother.

“Yes, it was lovely. It’s what mothers and daughters do best.”

“Mummy, are you ever going to re-marry?”

“I haven’t got a divorce yet. It’s a bit early yet.”

“It’s not right to be lonely. I should hate for you to be lonely.”

“I have you.”

“I’m off to school on Sunday, and then it will be University or drama school. I suppose then I’ll get married and have lots of babies. I won’t always be here. You need someone all the time.”

“I’m used to being alone.”

“That doesn’t make it right. I think you should join a dating agency.”

“Oh, Martina, don’t be silly.”

“It’s not silly, as the kind of life you lead will never get you a man. So advertise for one.”

“I don’t think so, somehow.”

“Then join a dining club for respectable singles. They’re all the rage. You may meet a millionaire with a gorgeous son, so we could both be made for life.”

Jenny laughed, but Martina sowed a seed, that night.

To Be Continued...

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