---

What lengths would you go to, to help a pretty girl struggling with her past? Especially, if you knew there was the potential to be more than ‘just friends’?

---

 

Barbie’s Doll
The Cotton Candy Wars

Copyright© 2017 Shauna
All Rights Reserved.
(All image originals sourced from Creative Commons)

---

Part Nine
I check myself in the mirror for the thousandth time.

What? Oh, sorry! It’s the first day of school after Christmas break.

What? Christmas? It was great—well, mostly. Yes, I struggled with some things, but Mom and Dad were great. I did hit a slick spot in the road when we went over to Gramma’s and Grampa’s. Let’s just say, it will take a bit longer for them to get used to the idea that Chrissie may be a part of me that doesn’t just go away.

What? Will she? O!M!G! How should I know?

Maybe…

I sort of hope not… I mean I had fun over the rest of the break with the Circle. Kate taught me all about makeup and Sara about caring for my nails. Do you have any idea how much you’re actually supposed to do with them? O!M!G! I thought you just chewed them off and that was it. It’s like with my hair and the stuff Miss Sally wants to me to do. And don’t get me started on how much work makeup is—five thousand different looks, depending on the time of day and where you’re going?

What? Barbie? O!M!G! You’re nosy! I am not going to kiss and tell! But…well, I would have to tell a lot, if I were that type of gossip!

Anyway, I look in the mirror and sigh. I check my face one last time. The eyeliner is perfect. It ought to be after all the practice I had to go through over break. It’s totally tight and very thin. The mascara is light, but definitely there—if you know to look for it. Overall, it’s understated, but my eyes pop, none-the-less. Sure, the Circle will probably notice right away. But will anyone else?

I also check to make sure the heart-shaped pendent is hidden under my shirt and the tie is covering it all.

Hopefully, my cloaking device at school will still be strong enough to maintain my invisibility.

I don’t think Spock got to the Romulan Commander, yet…

I look at the clock and sigh one more time. I had gotten up earlier than usual, this morning. I had ‘the dream’, again for the first time in two weeks, but it was not as strong—it seems my issues aren’t over yet and the pressure of going back to school is bringing them back out.

At least I slept.

Which is good, because Brad Fleming’s suspension is over today and he will be back at school.

I check the settings on my cloaking device and wade through the waste-deep pink tribbles in my room to go down for breakfast.

When I get out to the bus stop, it is freezing and I feel for Jillie in her skirt. I give her a girly sort of hug and smile, “Your legs look cold!”

She gives me a sour look, but grins afterwards and quips, “And you know you wish yours were, too!”

I blink at her, but don’t retort—the bus has arrived.

Of course, she pulls me straight back to the Circle—and I miss out on some prime Avengers time.

O!M!G! What? I like my graphic novels! So, sue me!

We get out at school and I don’t immediately break ranks with them. I go over with them to meet up with Barbie and Sara and carefully give Barbie a hug. I am back in Jimmy mode and still have to be very careful not to spook her. Sara gives me a sisterly, girly-hug, like it’s no big deal, and I blush—I feel my cloaking device weakening.

I give them a wave and move off towards the front door. I am about to go up the steps when the jocks block my way. Brad is in the background, but Greg says, “Just because you’re my girlfriend’s best friend—like some girl—doesn’t mean we aren’t going to make your life miserable, you little shit! Your days of invisibility are over. And if Jill breaks up with me over the likes of you, you little shit, then you may or may not live to regret it! You got it, you sniveling girly-boy with your long hair and makeup?”

I feel faint. At least the number of pink Tribbles around has greatly diminished. It seems Spock did get to the Commander, after all. And these jocks must certainly be Klingons the way the Tribbles are reacting.

“No, Greg!” We all turn to a furious Jillie standing there, her arms crossed under her breasts. “I am not breaking up with you because of Jimmy—I am breaking up with you because of you!”

He takes a step back—shocked.

Sara is standing there right next to Jillie—the look in her eye, just as furious. She shakes her head and looks at the now very pale Chad standing next to Greg, “Ditto, Chad. I am truly disappointed in you. I thought you were a better person, but, I guess once a wolf—always a wolf!”

Mitsi is standing there and visibly trembling in fury, “Don’t worry guys, you won’t have to worry about girlfriends in this school, anymore. Oh, we’ll make sure to get the word out to the other schools—and our connections to the sororities and colleges, too. Sure, there are whores out there that will take the likes of you—maybe you’ll get lucky and ‘score’ one of them.” She makes air-quotes around ‘score’.

I look at the Circle standing there in firm defense of me and am suddenly drowning in pink Tribbles—until I see Barbie standing back with a look of utter terror on her face. The confrontation with the guys is seriously messing with her.

I close my eyes, then signal Mitsi. She looks over to Barbie and rushes to her, just as Mrs. Blackthorn comes out the front door. She asks, “Is there a problem, here? If not, then I suggest that this crowd breaks up and you get to your classes immediately. Oh! And just in case there are any ideas, I have a video of the whole thing.” She glances up to the security camera above the door.

I see the guys get even paler—if that’s even possible.

As everyone is going in, the guys with their tails tucked between their legs…

What? Really? O!M!G! No! Pay attention! They’re not ‘tucked’ like me! What are you even thinking? I mean, seriously?

Anyway, as we’re going in, Mrs. Blackburn pulls Mitsi, Barbie, and me by side and looks intently at a very pale and trembling Barbie. She asks, “Mitsi, your Mom is treating Barbara, right?”

She nods and hugs Barbie closer, “Yes, Ma’am—both her and Chrissie. Sorry! I mean…”

Mrs. Blackthorn looks perplexed, then looks at me—the light going on. She nods, “Would you mind getting in touch with her. I think this qualifies as an emergency. If that’s OK with you, then…Chrissie…and I will take her to the Nurse’s Office.”

A clearly guilt-stricken Mitsi nods and says, “Yes, Ma’am, but…”

Mrs. Blackthorn says, “We’ll talk later. I think Barbie will be OK with Chrissie’s help?”

I walk carefully over to her and put my arms around her. She doesn’t shrink back, but doesn’t fully acknowledge it’s me, either. She looks at me and asks with a glazed look in her eyes, “Chrissie? Really?”

I nod and steer her towards the front offices where the nurse has her station. Mrs. Blackthorn acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world for me to be escorting her as ‘Chrissie’.

We get to the Nurse’s Station and I sit Barbie down on a chair. She has my right hand in a death-grip, clutched between both of hers. I look at Mrs. Blackthorn with clear worry and then sit down next to Barbie. The nurse is clearly out of her element and is obviously relieved when Mitsi comes in and says that her Mom is on her way and will be here in fifteen minutes. She sits down on the other side of Barbie, who breaks down on her shoulder and lets go of my hands when she throws her arms around Mitsi’s neck.

Mrs. Blackthorn quietly motions for me to follow her into the hallway and asks, “Jimmy, I am not telling you to let me know what this about, but I am asking.

I sigh and nod. I give her the nutshell version—about a hazelnut’s worth—of how I have been helping Barbie. She is still processing that when Dr. Myers comes in and we follow her back in to the Nurse’s Station. She takes one look at Barbie, then back at me, “Jimmy, I think we need Chrissie. The full Chrissie. I know from Mitsi that you two are an item and I think she needs you now, more than anyone.”

Mrs. Blackthorn asks, “What do you mean?”

I sigh and ask, “Can I borrow a school uniform—I mean a girl’s one? I know you have spares for emergencies. Like you said earlier, I think this qualifies as an emergency.”

She gives us a bewildered look and nods.

I follow her, totally worried…

What? Get real! No! I’m not worried about dressing in the uniform! O!M!G! I’m worried about my girlfriend! Seriously! Get a clue, will you?!

We go to a side room in the front office and there are a number of uniforms for both boys and girls hanging there in a closet for those occasions when they are needed—say someone spills lunch all over themselves, or something…

What? It’s the best example I could up with on short notice! So, sue me! You have a better one?

Anyway, I find a uniform in my size and Mrs. Blackthorn says, “The only problem is, we have extra stockings, but not shoes. We don’t keep those.”

I look down at my boy’s dress shoes—and she follows my gaze. Then she shocks me when she asks, “Do you know your size—I mean woman’s size?”

I nod and say, “It’s a six-and-a-half, medium. Why?”

She smiles and says, “That just so happens to be my size and I have extra shoes in my…office…” Her face falls, “But, they’re all heels. I don’t think it would matter that they aren’t regulation Mary-Janes, but…”

I sigh, “If you’re worried about whether I can walk in them, don’t… I can—although, I’ve never tried anything higher than three inches.”

The Tribbles are getting dangerously close to turning back into cotton candy.

She nods, “Well, I don’t have anything here under four, but, if you can seriously handle three, then four should be fine for no longer than you should need them.”

She leaves the room for me to change and when she comes back in after I am in the full girl’s uniform, sans the stockings…

What? You think I am going to put on a pair of heels with knee-high socks on? O!M!!G!!! Even I know that won’t work!

Anyway, she hands me a pair of open-toed black pumps with a four-inch stiletto heel. She looks at me and shakes her head. I had let my hair down and was absent-mindedly combing through it with my fingers.

“If I didn’t know…,” she lets the thought drop and I put the shoes on. They fit perfectly and my hot-pink toenails peek out the peepholes in front. They’re cute! I wade out the room of neck-deep pink Tribbles.

What? Don’t even start with me! I don’t have time to debate this! Barbie needs me and you’re seriously worried about the fact that I think my toes are cute? O! M! G!

I follow Mrs. Blackthorn back down the hall to the Nurse’s Station. I am certainly conscious of the near synchronous clicking of our heels on the marble floors—echoing loudly in the long, empty hallway.

I see her looking at me out of the side of her eye and can’t help but grin a bit as I am walking every bit as perfectly in them as she is. If I only had a mirror, I would see a grin that looks a lot like the impish one my Mom gets.

We go into the Nurse’s Station and Barbie sees me. She jumps up and comes over and hugs me and kisses me deeply. She exclaims, “Oh, Chrissie! It was terrible! They were ganging up on your friend, Jimmy and I was so afraid…you were going to get hurt!”

She staggers back and sits down heavily.

Dr. Myers says, “Can Barbie, Chrissie and I have the room alone, please?”

The others leave as I go and sit down next to Barbie and take her hand in my left and stroke her hair with my right. She just looks at me with a mix of infatuation and confusion.

Dr. Myers says, “Barbie, are you OK? I think you just realized something, didn’t you?”

She is still looking at me—not in revulsion, not really in shock, but a little in pain, “Chrissie—you’re Jimmy. I…I…I… I knew…but, I couldn’t…”

She breaks down and sobs. I pull her head to my shoulder and keep stroking her hair as she soaks my borrowed blazer—all the way through to my borrowed blouse.

Finally, she stops and looks back up at me. I give her a worried look.

What? Of course, I’m worried if she’s still my girlfriend after this—but that’s not all I’m worried about. I may be a guy—but I’m not that shallow!

She stretches up and kisses me. It’s not the same as before—there is hesitation there, but, it’s with the knowledge that she’s kissing me. Whoever that is…

She takes a shaky breath and does her best to steady it. Then she looks at Dr. Myers and says, “What does this mean?”

Dr. Myers shakes her head and says, “We’ll have to explore that, Hon, but I think it may mean that you’ve had a major breakthrough, today. Do you want me to get you excused for the rest of the day?”

She looks at me and then back at her, “No, I think I am OK… If I can freshen up, first.”

When Dr. Myers bring Mrs. Blackthorn back in, she actually giggles, “Hon, that’s not a problem. You can use the staff bathroom right around the corner—assuming you have what you need?”

Barbie smiles wanly and says, “It’s in my purse…”

Mitsi giggles nervously and holds it up for her, having followed Mrs. Blackthorn in.

Then Mrs. Blackthorn says, “Chrissie, Jimmy, whoever, I think you might want to freshen up, too? I’m not sure you’re going for the raccoon look?”

I gasp.

What? No! I’m not going for that look! But, that’s not what I gasp about!

“Mrs. Blackthorn, about Chrissie…” I shrug. I don’t know where to go with it. Barbie is already in the bathroom and Mitsi is helping her.

Dr. Myers looks at Mrs. Blackthorn, “Jimmy-slash-Chrissie is under my official care, as well as under Dr. Gina McMasters’ later this week. We’re still evaluating all of this, but, I don’t think Jimmy is ready for Chrissie to be a known fact here at school. Am I right, Jimmy?”

I sigh and nod. Mrs. Blackthorn nods and says, “Understood. Just remember Jimmy, Chrissie is always welcome, should she wish to come.”

I see the pink Tribbles pour into her mouth as she’s talking, they are so deep.

I nod, and feel that impish grin form, “You do realize that Jimmy and Chrissie are the same, right Mrs. Blackthorn? I’m sure Dr. Myers can help explain…”

She sputters, “Well, of course…!”

I wink and say, “I don’t think Chrissie will come out, unless she can continue wearing your heels!”

She sputters some more, then breaks down laughing, “Oh! You little imp! You got me! Go change and fix that makeup. Boy or girl, if you’re going to wear it, it has to be to code!”

I wink at her and swim through the pink Tribbles back to her office to change. I barely make it before the bell rings and the hallways are flooded with students that would have seen me in a skirt!

I sigh.

Crisis avoided!

Yeah… Right!

---

The jocks leave me alone the rest of the day. If looks could kill, the whole table of us at lunch would be dead, though.

What? Oh, yeah… I’m sitting with the Circle.

What? Of course, I’m dressed as Jimmy!

What? Oh, right… Yeah, well, Barbie is sitting across from me and keeps giving me shy, confused looks—but, she’s not bolting. She even rubs my leg under the table with her foot on one occasion.

Anyway, the jocks give us all glares set on ‘kill’. The thing is, they seem to be the ones wearing red today.

Now, the looks I get from other tables are another matter… They range from total shock to complete envy. Yeah, my cloaking device is certainly fried now.

I also sit with the Circle on the ride home and Barbie sits next to me. She hesitantly takes my hand at one point—and doesn’t let it go the rest of the ride.

When we get off, it’s together. For the first time ever, I get off the bus with Jillie.

Barbie squeezes my hand and says, “Chrissie…um, Jimmy… Oh, bosh! I’m sticking with Jacie! Anyway, I am looking forward to studying with you. I’m getting more and more used to you in this…getup. But, I much prefer you in your more comfortable clothes. You are going to get…comfortable, right?”

I smile and say, “You know I am, Barbie. I am just glad that you’re now able to stand me looking like this. I’m not ready to do anything different at school. I don’t know that I ever will be…”

She nods and gives me a quick kiss, then she hurries off after Jillie.

I go into the house and sigh. I wade through the Tribbles to my room and wonder what to wear. It’s been such a weird day—but, the main progress made between me—the actual me, whoever that may be—and Barbie was in a skirt.

So, I pull out a warm lined woolen skirt and slip it on. I decide to go all-out and put on a bra and my forms, then a warm sweater. I put on my warm, comfortable boots and redo my makeup. I even add a little eyeshadow—just for the heck of it. I put on a second coat of lip gloss, smack my lips and look at myself in the mirror…

Who am I? I mean, really? This isn’t what a guy does? Err…right?

I shake my head, grab my purse, go downstairs, and put on my warm, pink coat. I grab my books and hold them close to my chest as I walk across the yard to Jillie’s.

Anyone looking at me would see a young teenage girl walking across the yard, holding her books to her chest in the typical way a girl does. I don’t even realize I’m doing it…

What? Don’t go there! I was thinking, not paying attention!

Anyway, I go in and Barbie nearly knocks me over when she hugs me and gives me a deep kiss. If this is what it takes to get a kiss like that, then skirts it is!!!

What? Like you wouldn’t?

Really? I mean… I’m… Oh, bosh!

---

The week goes by without any huge incidents. My invisibility is gone, and I find myself in a strange new status. I am in with the hot girls—the ones that don’t have boyfriends, anymore. I gain a certain popularity through that—but, that also means that I am not just no longer invisible. I am now fully visible and at the center of a lot of people’s attention.

The jocks? Well, they find themselves completely unable to get girlfriends. I don’t understand it, but it seems there is some girl-code-thing. The word spreads like wildfire and they are suddenly pariahs—everywhere. It will be a long while before they get over this hump and find someone that’s willing to be seen with them.

That doesn’t mean that they don’t still have a following at school—they are the jocks, after all. And, I am starting to get strange looks from some of the guys—the ones that aren’t trying to get me to hook them up with one of the ‘hot girls’…

The dynamic within the Circle has changed, too. With the girls not having to worry about going out or doing things with their boyfriends, discussion topics shift. Some of it is about boys… Not about what stupid thing their boyfriends did—or didn’t do. No, now it’s all about which boy is cute.

I may be on the Chrissie side of Jacie when with the girls—and totally treated like Chrissie—but, the Jimmy side is able to give them perspectives that are new to them.

Not that I have the best ‘guy’ perspectives. I mean I used to think I was a guy. Now, I’m not so sure. I have no idea what I am.

What? You do? Really? So, you’re a shrink, are you? OK, then, smarty-pants, you tell me! I sure want to know!

So, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise when they all want to go to the mall Sunday, after church. I don’t have a lot of arguments that I can put up—other than, going as Chrissie, which is what they want, would now put Jimmy even more in danger of being recognized if we run into anyone from school.

What? You don’t get it? Really? O!M!G! Let me spell it out for you, then. Jimmy eats with the girls and is often seen with them in other settings, like on the bus—so, if suddenly Chrissie shows up with them at the mall and someone recognizes Jimmy, then… Bam! Another blackeye—or worse.

What? Why not go as Jimmy? You tell me! The girls want Chrissie. And, to be honest—so do I.

Sort of…

O!M!G! Don’t give me that! I…like spending time with them, but not as full-on Jimmy. And androgynous Jimmy certainly isn’t going to the mall with a gaggle of giggling girls! Are you crazy?!?!

Barbie looks at me on the bus, “Jacie, you haven’t changed your mind, right? You’re coming, dressed comfortably.”

That’s her code for being dolled-up.

She gives me a pouty look, “You promised you would use your coupon and I really want you to come.”

I sigh, “I will see what I can figure out, Barbie. But, I’m still afraid that I will be found out. I mean that story about Chrissie being Jimmy’s cousin is lame—and will only go so far, anyway.”

She smiles, “I just know you can figure out something. We can talk to Dr. Myers tomorrow—and you have a session with that new doctor, too. She’s supposed to be an expert in these things.”

I sigh and nod, “I also have an appointment with Miss Sally, tomorrow. Maybe she will have some ideas…”

I look at Barbie in thought—she is somehow acting differently towards me. Things have been different since the ‘Jock-Incident’—I just can’t seem to fully put my finger on what it is. She is somehow closer to me, but somehow getting more distant at the same time.

What? No, she’s putting up a good front. What? Call it intuition—if I do have ‘girl’ in me, then I must have some woman’s intuition, too. Err… Right?

---

I look at Miss Sally in the mirror as she combs through my wet and conditioned hair. I still am not used to having someone else wash my hair for me. She smiles back at me and says, “Your hair is in much better shape, Hon. Good work. I can also tell that you’re taking better care of your skin, too. It’s looking much better. I actually have some vitamins that I would recommend you start taking, overall, for your hair, skin, and nails. Actually, they’re the same as your Momma takes.”

I nod, distracted. I look at her, suddenly timid, and say, “Ummm…Miss Sally, I have a problem.”

She looks back at me and sort of lightly smacks my shoulder and says, “Hon, you’re old enough to just call me Sally. So, what’s your problem?”

I look at Mom in the mirror, then at…Sally and say, “Well, I’m not sure Mom would agree with you, Miss Sally, but thank you. As for my problem…well…”

I let her know about my upcoming trip to the mall tomorrow.

She smiles back at me and calls Mom over, “Cindy, please tell your…daughter…that…she can call me ‘Sally’—or your son, whichever is more appropriate!”

Mom comes over and says, “Son or daughter, doesn’t matter Sally. I don’t think that’s right.”

Sally gives her a stern look and says, “Don’t you think that should be my decision, Cindy? I get manners, but I did invite her to.”

Mom sighs, “I’m sorry, Sally. You’re absolutely right. It’s just not a norm for our family values.”

She smiles and looks at me, “You call me Sally, Hon, and that’s that!” Then she looks at Mom and says, “So, I have some ideas for her other problem.”

Mom looks perplexed and I know I’m sunk. I hadn’t said anything to her about it…

She finally asks the inevitable, “Other problem?”

Sally gives me a ‘look’ in the mirror and I clue Mom in. She just shakes her head and asks, “Why didn’t you ask me about this, Hon?”

I shrug, “Would you have had any ideas?”

She looks pensive and giggles, “Yes! I would have said we need to ask Sally!”

The tension broken, Sally laughs and says, “Well, let’s cut your hair for this round and then I have some options. Are you, overall, happy with the cut from last time?”

I sigh, “Well, the long bangs over my eye were frustrating, but they’re finally getting to where they will mostly stay behind my ear if I tuck them. It’s not optimal, but I can live with it.”

She smiles and says, “It will get better as it gets longer. Assuming you want it longer?”

I simply nod.

She nods back, “OK, then, for tomorrow—after we get things trimmed and shaped up for today—I have some ideas. So, first, you’re OK with basically going in the same direction as we have been?”

I nod. Not sure what that ultimately means, but I don’t know what else to do.

She sighs and says, “OK. It’s getting long enough to do some things with. It will look more feminine this time—unless you put it in a ponytail. Is that what you want?”

I slowly nod. I mean it is what I want.

Err…right?

She looks at me. I mean she really looks at me and…waits.

I finally say, “Yes…Sally. Let’s see how it goes. I can always come in and have it cut if I need to, right?”

She smiles and nods, “Of course, Hon! Any time!”

I nod in confirmation.

She starts trimming my hair and says, “OK, I’m thinking maybe some colored clip-in extensions—maybe pink and blue for your blond hair—and then some colored contacts. You could also add some fake glasses on top of that?”

I look at her perplexed, “Where would I get anything like that?”

Sally laughs, “Hon, I know all kinds of people, but my sister is an optometrist here in town. She can get you set up with both in no time. Oh, I think we need to give you a bit of a wave. Are you OK with that?”

I shrug, “I don’t know… If you…and Mom…think so?”

Mom says, “Yes, I think that would look perfect. Some loose curl for body—is that what you’re thinking, Sally?”

She nods and starts putting my hair into these large curler thingies. When she is done, she pours this really stinky stuff on them and puts me under a hair-dryer-hood-thingy on a stand. While I am sitting there, she talks to Mom and then to someone on the phone.

After the little bell goes ‘ding’ on the hair dryer, she comes over and checks to see if I’m ‘cooked’—her word, not mine. It seems she is satisfied, so she takes out the curler thingies and brushes out my hair. Suddenly, it has this…wave…to it. It’s like really girly now.

I am both enthralled and terrified at the same time.

It looks awesome! But, so totally…girly…

Mom and Sally both look at me—the question clear in their eyes.

I say, “I like it! I really do. It does scare me a bit, though. How long will this last?”

Sally says, “Well, it’s a perm, Hon. Perm—as in permanent. It will last quite some time…”

I sigh and nod.

Mom says, “I think it’s lovely, Hon. If you put it in a ponytail, no one should notice. If you really hate it, there are ways to relax it, right Sally?”

Sally nods, “Yes, if you wash it several times right away, it will mostly wash out. If you leave it in for twenty-four hours, it will be set and last several months.”

I look at myself in the mirror and really like the look. It still scares me.

What? So, sue me! I am supposed to be a guy! Err…right?

Sally says, “OK, Zoe, my sister is waiting for you. She will fit you with colored contacts and some fake glasses. That should be plenty enough, together with these clip-in extensions to throw anyone off the trail of who you are.”

She takes these long hair pieces, some in pink, some in purple, and clips them into my hair—then brushes it all out, so that you can’t tell they are fake.

I look at myself in amazement. They alone make a huge difference in how I look!

I give her a hug and Mom pays. Then we go to see her sister.

An hour later, I’m ready to go to my appointment with Dr. Myers. I have near-amethyst-colored contacts in. My eyes are an electric purple color and absolutely stunning. I also have a pair of designer frames, that she got as a sample, with plain glass in them. They are pink ‘Dolce & Gabbana’ cat-eye frames that go well with my extensions and contact color.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a hot girl that bears a resemblance to me, but…not. I wouldn’t recognize me if my life depended on it!

I leave everything in and Mom drops me off for my appointment with Dr. Myers and Barbie.

I go in, not knowing what to expect—it’s my first real appointment after the ordeal before Christmas—and after Barbie’s breakdown. Barbie’s had forty-five minutes with her and we are getting ready to start the thirty-minute joint-session.

Suddenly, I’m nervous!

Dr. Myers does a double-take when Jeannette motions me in. Barbie just gasps and giggles uncontrollably, once she figures out it’s me.

Dr. Myers asks, “Chrissie? Care to explain?”

I grin nervously and explain the trip to the mall tomorrow. Dr. Myers nods and says, “OK. That makes sense, I guess, but this isn’t your long-term solution, right?”

I sigh and shake my head—and the joint session is over. I am certainly confused. I have no idea what to do, at this point.

Barbie whispers in my ear, as she is leaving, “Hon, You’re hot!”

She giggles and leaves the room—as a new woman comes in. I assume this must be Dr. McMasters. She is really young and beautiful.

As expected, Dr. Myers introduces the woman as Dr. McMasters. She smiles at me and says, “Why don’t you call me Gina, Hon? I find, as intimate as we’re going to have to get on some on things, that it just works better.”

I sigh—another one. I nod, “OK, Gina. It’s hard for me to call adults by their first name, so if I slip up, it’s not out of disrespect.”

She nods, “Understood. It would be quite the opposite, right?”

I nod and Dr. Myers says, “Well, then. Chrissie, how did things go over the holidays? OK?”

I nod, “For the most part. I just really don’t know who I am anymore.”

Gina speaks up, “Well, that’s what we’re going to explore, Hon. Rita has explained your history to me and we will set up some separate sessions just between the two of us, but, for now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to just answer without really thinking about it, OK? Just whatever your first instinct is, tell me. There is no right or wrong.”

I nod and she starts asking me these really strange questions about whether I can easily recognize songs, or voices on the phone. Then she asks me these convoluted questions about geometrical objects turning in space. When she is done, the Tribbles in my head are in knots. It’s easier following the Circle’s conversations than whatever that was.

When the time is about up, Gina smiles at me and says, “OK, Chrissie. We will need a weekly session, on top of your sessions with Rita—Dr. Myers—and your friend Barbie. What I have gathered, so far, indicates to me that you certainly have a strong feminine side and are very well likely to be transgendered—at least to some extent. We will need to explore that much more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of—or afraid of. I’m here to help you figure it out, OK?”

I sigh. Just what I need—more questions. So, I’m not a guy?

“OK, Gina. Sure. But are saying that I’m not really a guy?”

She shakes her head and says, “No, I’m not saying that, Chrissie—or Jimmy. What I’m saying is that gender is fluid and we need to figure out where you lie on the spectrum between male and female. You most certainly lie more on the female than male side—that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re a ‘girl’. We will have a lot of time to talk through this. OK? Don’t fret about it. Can you meet with me during the week? My office is not far from your school and I could even come meet with you there during a study hall.”

I let her know when my study hall is and she says, “OK, I will talk to your school nurse and your principal and see if we can set something up for Tuesdays. OK?”

I nod and they both give me a hug.

I leave the office and go out to the receptionist area. My head feels like a level-six space storm is raging in there.

Mom drives me home and I just sit there. She doesn’t ask questions, knowing that I need to process things. When we get home, she helps me take out the extensions and I let her know what Gina had said.

She hugs me from behind, then starts brushing out my hair—something I love when she does. She says, “Love, you know that you just have to be who you are. Stop trying to force yourself into some preconceived mold. Your Dad and I love you—no matter what.”

I sigh and turn and give her a big hug.

---

When we get home from church, I quickly go to my room and change into jeans and a sweater. Of course, I have my bra on, with breast forms inserted, and I put on my comfortable boots with the two-inch wedge heel. Then Mom helps me clip in the extensions and brush them out, before I put in the contacts.

What? Yeah—that takes me a while. Being new to contacts, and all. I finally do get them in and still marvel at having purple eyes when I look in the mirror. I look completely different.

I put on my makeup and even add the flicks that Kate had made me practice. I add the glasses and check myself in the mirror. If Jimmy was gone before when Chrissie was around, then Jacie makes Chrissie disappear to the same extent. There is very little of Jimmy visible, at this point.

Mom peeks in and smiles, “Lunch is ready, Hon, then Betty will drive you and Jill to the mall. Are you sure you’re ready to get your ears pierced?”

I sigh and nod, “I think so, Mom. I mean, even as Jimmy I should be OK these days. Right?”

She shakes her head and says, “Oh no, you don’t, young lady! You’re not putting this off on me. This is completely your decision.”

I giggle as the pink Tribbles in my head tickle my brain, “Yes, Ma’am! Ready or not, I have a feeling it’s going to happen, so I may as well be onboard with it. Barbie would likely never forgive me if I back out now!”

Mom giggles, but turns serious, “Yes, Hon, but you can’t let her to push you to doing something you don’t want. Not something like this.”

I sigh, “I know Mom. I am just telling myself she is. Deep down, I want to do it—and so much more, I think.”

She smiles and gives me a hug, “Ok, come on. Let’s eat. I just wish your Dad could see you right now. I would love to see his reaction!”

We both giggle and wade through the Tribbles to the kitchen.

So, an hour later I’m sitting in the piercing chair at Frostings, clutching the Teddy Bear tight to my chest and the girl is explaining the current sale to me, “Your coupon is good for a single piercing in each ear, but we currently have a buy-one-get-one-free sale going on. So, your coupon is actually good for a double-piercing in each lobe.”

I know I have a full-on deer-in-the-headlights look and Barbie squeezes my hand, “You should go for it, Hon! It would look so awesome! You can put the sparkly ones you picked out up front and simple gold studs in back, if you don’t want them to stand out as much.”

Jillie says, “Barbs, don’t pressure the poor girl. What would her cousin think?”

I am sitting there scared.

What? No—not of the piercing! Of my feelings. The ones that want more than just double piercings, even. Like the other girls in the Circle.

What? I did? I did, didn’t I? Call them the other girls …

I sigh and say, “OK. Let’s do it. Like Barbie said, though—the cubic zirconia studs in front and just small gold balls in back?”

The girls nods and makes little black dots on my ears. After a few minutes of discussion among the girls—and several repositionings of the dots—I hold my breath as the girl pops the studs through my ears, cleans them, and puts the backs on.

I look at myself in the mirror, now with four studs piercing my body and…smile.

What? Yes, I know Jimmy is going to regret this in the morning at school, but Jacie/Chrissie is enjoying the look immensely for the moment.

Sara says, “Jacie, that looks hot! What say we go get those nails done up right?”

I blush.

What? Sure, I would love to.

“Sorry, Sara, I don’t think that would go over well with Jimmy.”

She sighs and Kate says, “I know what’s next, though! And no arguments, hot girl!”

Barbie and Jillie giggle and they all pull me out into the mall and to this ‘Brow Bar’ place. I give Kate a ‘look’.

She giggles and says, “Hon, we’ve got you taking care of those lashes and lid lines—now we need to finish cleaning up those brows. A friend of mine works here that is the best eyebrow threader in the region!”

I shudder.

What? I don’t know what a ‘threader’ does, but it sounds painful! I mean, you thread needles, right?

The girls push me in and before I know what’s happening, I’m sitting in this reclining chair and ‘Yvette’ is using these threads in some complex manner and moving them across my brows.

What? No, it doesn’t hurt, at all.

When she’s done after a couple of minutes, she raises the back of the chair into a sitting position and I can see myself in the mirror. For Jacie, the brows look great—slightly arched and highly-tapered. For Jimmy…

Kate says, “Don’t worry, Hon! With your bangs down, no one sees your brows anyway. But, now Yvette is going to show you the proper technique to shape them as part of your makeup routine.”

She smiles at me and takes up this pencil and fills in my shaped brows with little lines, then she uses a small flat brush and some powder stuff that is a light brownish color and starts outlining them, then filling them in some more. While doing this, she explains how she had threaded them in relation to points on my face—it is some complex calculus that includes the edge of my nose, my irises, and the edges of my eye. She uses the handle of the brush to demonstrate the markers and says I need to pay attention those same markers when doing my makeup.

When she is done, I gasp. They are absolutely, stunningly perfectly shaped and sculpted. I just sit there and stare.

Kate giggles, “I take it you like them?”

I just swallow and nod. Kate pays Yvette and purchases an eyebrow pencil, powder, and brush. I object, but she tells me that Yvette gives her a big discount—well, anyone in the Circle gets it.

Then Mitsi says, “OK, Jacie, one more thing—those flats are OK, and all, but Chrissie was hot at school in Mrs. Blackthorn’s pumps the other day. We need to get you some four-inch heels.”

I am already uncomfortable enough with the guys in the mall checking us all out.

What? O! M! G! You wouldn’t be? Yeah, right! Liar, liar, pants on fire!

So, when we come out of the shoe store and I have my comfortable booties in my bag and I’m wearing the pair of four-inch stilettos that are similar to Mrs. Blackthorn’s—only these are a hot pink that match my hair extensions, glasses, and toenails—I feel my butt swaying in that way that the heels make it. I also know that my calves are popping in the skinny jeans.

What? I wasn’t expecting this! You think I planned it? Really? Really?

Anyway, I am walking out into the mall, stabbing Tribble after Tribble with my stiletto heels, and complaining about being the only one in heels in our gaggle, when disaster strikes.

“Well, hello there ladies!” I come to a full stop when I see the group of seniors from school coming up to us. The three boys—Chris Hines, Fred Singleton, and Sam Prince—are the core of a successful highschool garage band. Normally, they wouldn’t have dared talk to the Circle—even though we are all only Sophomores—because of their ‘Hot Girl’ status and them going out with the jocks. Now that those relationships were over, cute band guys were second on the rankings of eligible boyfriends—and they know it.

What? Me? Well, no! The other girls think they’re cute?

What? O!M!G! Grow up! So what if I did say ‘other’ girls? Get a life, will you?

Anyway, I am suddenly very nervous!

What? Will you please stop interrupting and let me just tell the story? No! I’m not nervous because a bunch of cute boys are talking to us!

What? Yes, they’re cute. Oh! Bosh! I’m nervous because they may recognize me. Cute, or not!

Anyway, I am suddenly very nervous! Barbie holds my hand in a death-grip. She’s getting better around boys after her ‘breakthrough’, but she’s still nervous.

Suddenly, I have reason to be a little more nervous. She is…smiling at Chris Hines. Yes, the lead guitar and head of the band.

I can almost feel the ‘click’ as I suddenly know where the subtle change in the status between us was—is—headed…

I feel a couple of Tribbles shrivel up, but am quickly pulled back to reality—a.k.a., the discussion—when I realize that Fred Singleton, the drummer, is talking to me, “…from around here, are you? I’m Fred Singleton.”

I sigh and say in a timid voice, “I’m Jacie Alexander and, no, I’m not from around here.”

Jillie jumps in, “She’s Jimmy Alexander’s cousin and is here visiting, since they’re still on winter break. She may be transferring here next year and we’re showing her around.”

I nod and watch as closely as I can, without seeming like I’m staring. Unfortunately, he seems to think that I’m flirting with him—or something.

What? You tell me! I certainly wasn’t flirting with another guy! Are you crazy?!?!

He gives me a wink and says, “I’d be happy to help show you around!”

Mitsi says, “Slow down, Loverboy! She’s taken!”

His face falls a little and then he refocuses on Sara, “But you’re not, right? Would you like to get a shake at the drugstore?”

What? Oh… Yeah… The mall has this ‘Old-fashioned Drugstore’ with a ‘Malt Counter’. It’s actually a popular place with the kids.

She blushes and says, “You seem a bit forward—and desperate there, Loverboy!”

He shrugs and says, “Look, you’re all newly eligible and I’m sure not for how long. Can you blame me for trying? At least give me—us—a chance.”

I notice Mitsi looking at Sam Prince, who plays the keyboard, in a funny way. I look back at Barbie and she’s still smiling at Chris.

I sigh and say, “Can you excuse me for a moment, gentlemen? I need to go down that hallway for a minute…” I point with my head to the hallway with the public restrooms and don’t even ask, I just pull Barbie with me. She still has my hand in a death grip anyway.

We go around the corner out of their sight. I stop.

What? You thought I was going to go in? Are you crazy?

I look into Barbie’s eyes and sigh, “You like him, don’t you?”

She bites her bottom lip and nods, tears forming in her eyes. She wails, “I don’t know what to do, Jacie! I love you like a sister—that’s the problem, though. I thought I could love you differently, but I’m just not a lesbian and no matter what you may think—you’re a very beautiful and very hot girl. That’s all I see anymore—even when you’re in Jimmy-mode. I had to make myself see you that way. Now, it’s too late. Can you forgive me?”

I hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek.

What? Of course, the Tribbles are disappearing! The mall is full of Klingons! The band members must be Klingons in disguise!

I feel empty, but know that I started this whole thing with the goal of helping Barbie and the hope that there could be more. I have helped her and there is more to do in that regard. And there will be more—just not the way I had hoped.

I ask gently, trying my best to keep my voice steady, “Are you ready to try dating a boy again, now?”

She shakes her head and says, “I honestly don’t know, Jacie! I…I…I…want to when I see Chris. But…”

I pull her into a tight hug and know I will regret what my next words are, “How can I help?”

At that moment, Jillie comes around the corner and nearly walks into us. She lets out a little scream and asks, “What’s going on, girls?”

I fight the tears that want to flood my face. I fight them hard and take a deep, trembling breath to steady my voice. I say with as much confidence as I can muster, “I’m trying to figure out how to help Barbs get together with Chris Hines.”

There is a sharp gasp from Jillie and the look she gives Barbs is set to ‘kill’. I shake my head and say, “It’s OK, Jillie. I mean, sure, I’m disappointed, but I understand that she’s not a lesbian even under her circumstances. I also get that she won’t likely ever see me as anything other than a girl. I mean, we worked hard to get her that far. Even though, she had the breakthrough and knows that I’m not really. But, since even I don’t know who—or what—I am…”

I shrug and Jillie still gives her a glare. Barbs breaks down and starts to cry. It doesn’t soften Jillie—much—she looks at me and I give her a wan smile. I hope she gets my unspoken message.

She sighs and says, “OK, we will talk about this later. Sara and Fred and Mitsi and Sam are going to get a shake. I don’t want to tag along, right now. Are you saying that you want to go with Chris, Barbs? Can you handle that?”

She pales and emphatically shakes her head, no.

Jillie looks at me in exasperation and shrugs. I say, “I guess the three of us are just going to have to have a talk with Chris—alone. No, he is not to know about Jimmy, but…”

Jillie gives me a shocked look and I grab both their hands and pull them out into the mall before I can change my mind.

We go back up to the group and Sara and Mitsi give us a surprised look. I guess I look like a girl on a mission.

What? I do look like a girl—and I am on a mission. At least it’s easier to walk without all the Tribbles in the way.

I walk straight up to Chris and ask, “Chris. Would you like to get to know Barbs here?”

He blushes and shrugs, “Sure! But I thought she and your cousin were a thing?”

I shake my head, “They’re really good friends, yes. But more like siblings. The thing is, Barbs needs special attention and I will make it my mission to hunt you down if you hurt her.”

I think he knows I mean business and nods.

I say, “OK, then. Here is how this is going to work… Jillie and I are going to chaperone the two of you—for Barbie’s sake. You will be chaperoned by Jillie or I, while I’m in town. Later, Jimmy may be in on it. That is until either you two decide to not make a go of it—or Barbs is comfortable enough to be alone with you. Understood?”

He nods, confused.

I sigh, “We will explain—how about we go to Emerald Wednesday’s and find a quiet table where you can buy her something nice?”

He nods, stunned. I nod back and our group breaks up into two. I watch Sara and Mitsi go towards the Drugstore with Fred and Sam, then I take Barbie’s arm and pull her towards Emerald Wednesday’s, which is in the opposite direction. Jillie and a stunned Chris follow behind us.

What? I know… Don’t even go there, OK? I’m trying hard not to get sucked out the open hatch into space without a suit.

I look around and there’s not a pink Tribble in sight. I feel more like the pink panther, right now, than the cuddly little balls of fur. No, not the cool panther in the cartoon, not even the inept Inspector Clouseau—no, I am much more like the infamous flawed pink diamond…

I sigh and pull Barbs into the restaurant and ask for a secluded table for four. When we are seated and our drink orders are taken, I look at Chris and ask, “Do you know what happened to Barbs? I mean what her last boyfriend did to her?”

I feel Barbs stiffen next to me.

He nods, “I’ve heard rumors—and that it turned her into a lesbian. I was a little surprised when it seemed that she was interested in your cousin—although, no offense—he is a bit feminine.”

Barbs bristles, “Guys! I’m like right here!”

I ignore her, even though Chris has the grace to blush. I continue, “I have gotten to know her very well through my cousin and, trust me, she isn’t a lesbian. That much has been firmly established—and she is interested in you. But she’s fragile…”

“Guys!,” she explodes, “I’m right here!”

I look at her, “What? You’re interested right? He needs to know to treat you right, or the Circle will kill him—along with Jimmy and me.”

She shakes her head, “Maybe this was a mistake…”

Chris reaches over and takes her hand, “Give me a chance. Please.”

She jerks her a hand a little, but somehow finds the strength to leave it.

She sighs and gives me a pointed look, “Look, Chris. Jacie’s right—even though not very…diplomatic. I’m damaged goods and it will be hard to get me to relax into a new relationship with a boy. Jimmy has been really sweet—my doll, actually. Well, more like a rock. Anyway, I did experiment with going out with a girl—a very special girl and I just…can’t. I love her like a sister, but I am just not wired that way. I am finally starting to get to the point where I don’t want to run off screaming when there is a boy around. I have Jimmy to thank for that. I would trust him with my life. I don’t know that I can trust you like that, yet—but… I would like to try.”

I can feel the heat coming off Jillie—all the way across the table. She’s hot—and not just hot-looking. She’s steaming mad. But, she holds her tongue.

Finally, we make plans for Chris to pick Barbs and me—as in Jacie—up tomorrow after our study session at Jimmy’s house. We’ll go for something to eat at one of the fast food places and see where it goes.

As we are getting ready to leave, Mitsi texts that Jeff will drive her and Sara home, so Jillie texts her Mom to pick Barbs, her, and me up in fifteen minutes.

We say goodbye to Chris and walk out front. Jillie doesn’t say a word the whole time—so, it’s awkward. Mrs. Holiday picks up on the tension, but doesn’t say anything—she just keeps looking over at Jillie in the passenger seat, up front, and at Barbs and me in the back.

I don’t know what to say.

What? Oh don’t start with me! I really don’t feel like talking about it! OK?

We drop Barbs off at her house and she gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before she gets out. She thanks Mrs. Holiday and hurries inside.

As soon as the door is closed, Jillie turns around and is a panther-but not a cuddly pink one. Maybe she’s more like a badger—or a Tasmanian Devil.

She spits out, “What the Hell, Jimmy?”

Her Mom says, “Jill! Language! Now, what’s going on? I could have cut the tension with a knife!”

I sigh and say, “Barbs and I broke up. I guess you can say that—I’m not sure we were ever really together. She can only picture me as a girl now—and she’s not…into girls.”

I look at Jillie, “I think she really did try, Jillie. I understand that she’s just not wired that way. I always knew it was a long shot, anyways.”

She just shakes her head, still furious. I say, “Don’t hold it against her, Jillie. I don’t.”

What? I don’t know if I do, or not. That’s beside the point! I still like her and I don’t want this to break up our group. The group I finally have…

Mrs. Holiday pulls into their garage and we get out. Jillie says, “Momma, Jacie is coming up with me to my room for a bit. OK?”

She nods and Jillie pulls me up to her room and closes the door.

That’s all it takes—I break down and the tears won’t stop. I finally have to just take the contacts out.

Jillie just hugs me and says, “What are we going to do? This is going to make it awkward in the Circle, now.”

I sniffle, “I will just go back to my table, Jillie. It’s where I belong, anyway.”

She looks at me in absolute, unbridled fury. If I thought she was mad before, she is in super-nova-melt-down-mode, now. She is so mad, she sputters, “James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander! I won’t hear you talk like that! I’ve known you my whole life and you’re my best friend and I better never hear you talk that way again! Do you hear me? Do you?”

I actually shrink back a little, I’m so shocked. I’m back to making sure my eyes are still in my head. The door’s closed and I don’t think they could fit under it, so they must not be rolling down the stairs, yet.

She comes over and gives me a fierce hug and whispers in my ear, “I have always loved you, you know. I wouldn’t know what to do if we were ever separated!”

Then, pink Tribbles are suddenly blowing the roof off the house, there are so many. She kisses me and my toes curl. If she wasn’t on top of me, I think my foot would ‘pop’.

---

As always, if you enjoy this story, please remember to hit the ‘Thumbs Up’ button.