A Blank Page - Chapter 11

Printer-friendly version

A Blank Page
Chapter 11
By Flummox


The next morning – Monday morning – Raymond got up earlier than usual. He stepped into the washroom and got a quick shower, then dressed, packed his school bag, and went downstairs.

Catalina was shocked when he walked into the kitchen. The kids were never up before she went to work.

“Oh, Raymond!” She began, “You’re up early today. Feeling better I hope?”

“Good morning Mom. Much better.” He lied, his stomach still knotted from the previous night. “I thought I’d get an early start on the day. Maybe walk to school.”

His Mom was wearing a dress suit. She had her briefcase in one hand, a coffee in the other. She had clearly been about to leave.

“Well, I would offer you a ride,” she began, “But I don’t think the school will be open this early anyways.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it Mom. I feel like walking. By the time I get there the doors will be open. I’ll still be really early, but I won’t have to stand around outside. I’ll just go study or something.”

His Mom nodded, gave him a hug goodbye, and walked out the door.

Raymond wrote a note to his father, explaining that he had gotten an early start on the day, and taped it to the coffee pot where his father couldn’t possibly miss it. He contemplated getting breakfast, but thinking he would have trouble stomaching it at the time being, elected to just start walking.

He pulled on his shoes, a thick sweater, and wrapped his scarf around his neck. Shouldering his bag, he walked out the door.
 

~o~O~o~

 
The lake was so peaceful this early in the morning. Ray didn’t think he had ever been there this early before. It was so quiet. So serene.

He had decided to stop by the lake on his way to school. It wasn’t exactly on the way, but he desperately needed to clear his head, and to Raymond, there was no better place.

He hopped across the bridge of stepping stones and sat down on his favorite rock. Watching the ripples cast by the light breeze, he wondered what he should do. He had calmed down since dinner last night, but being calm didn’t change the fact that he felt like his heart was breaking. He had been so optimistic. So hopeful. And their responses had been… so negative. At the very best, some of them could be called neutral. What was he going to do? He could either face rejection from his family, or keep on living with that oppressive sense of discomfort and wrongness.

Both options terrified him.

Feeling the tears beginning to well up, he shook away the negative thoughts and took a deep breath.

“Focus on the now.” He whispered to himself.

Yeah. He could figure out a plan with Ms. Reid and Evalyn later.

He smiled sadly. Evalyn. At least she didn’t hate him.

For the time being he would just focus on the art gallery. He would soon find out if he had made it to the third showing. Then the actual event after that.

He took a deep breath and agilely hopped back to the shore. He needed to get moving. His parents would certainly have some questions if they received a notice that he had been late for class after he had left for school almost two hours early. He pulled on his headphones and blasted some music to get him pumped up for the walk.
 

~o~O~o~

 
He walked into class right as the bell rang. The first few weeks of the school year had been going so well. Raymond still tried to keep to himself, but that was much harder now. People seemed genuinely interested in him. He had been initially sceptical, trying to gauge if their interest was in him, or in cozying up to Sebastian and Evalyn as people had tried in the past – or if it was just because of the changes his body went through over the summer. But now a few weeks had gone by, and while the excitement had gone down and people weren’t as interested, he still had some who were asking him questions. The questions were thankfully mundane; how was his weekend? What he was up to for lunch? What he was doing after school? He answered their questions as briefly as he could, still uncomfortable with how different their attitudes were from last semester, and quickly found his seat.

It was bizarre. Many of these students either shunned him or ignored him completely last semester. Now they were being so nice. Was how someone looked really such a factor in how they were treated? Apparently in high school it was.

Attendance was taken, and soon the students were off to their classes. Raymond threw himself into his studies. Anything was better than the worries and fears lingering at the back of his mind.
 

~o~O~o~

 
“Please, come in Raymond.” Ms. Reid greeted him. Lunch had come quickly, and, as per their agreement last week, after eating Raymond had come straight to see the student councillor.

“Good afternoon Ms. Reid.” He greeted quietly as he shuffled into the room, closing the door behind him, and taking a seat.

“How are you feeling today?” She asked as she folded her hands on the desk, watching him carefully.

“Fine, I guess.” He lied.

“Fine?” She inquired, “Just fine?” She raised an eyebrow.

An awkward silence hung over them for a few seconds before Raymond grimaced.

“Horrible.” He finally admitted, a heavy frown dragging down his lips.

“Why horrible?” She asked gently, “Did something happen?”

Ray nodded.

“Last night we had a big family dinner,” Ray began, electing to leap right into it rather than wait for her to ask, “My parents, grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins were all there. The entire family on my dad’s side.”

Ms. Reid nodded and began to take some notes on the pad of paper in front of her.

“Eva and I,” He hesitated briefly before continuing, “We decided to test them.”

“Test them?” Ms. Reid inquired, an eyebrow raised.

“Y-yeah.” Ray nodded, “Eva figured it all out Saturday night. There was a documentary on about a man who transitioned to become a woman.” Ray explained, “Under the explanation that it was important to her studies, Evalyn managed to convince the whole family to watch it with her. So we could see their reactions.”

Ray tried to swallow back the large lump that had been growing in his throat. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.

There was another short silence, finally broken by Ms. Reid.

“I’m guessing,” She began slowly, “That their reactions were not what you were hoping for?”

It was all Raymond could do to shake his head.

Ms. Reid gave him a moment to collect himself.

“They were all negative. Or at the very best neutral.” He managed to mumble. “How can I ever tell them now?”

“Raymond,” Ms. Reid began, smiling gently, “This test you ran, you have to take the results with a grain of salt.”

He looked at her, not understanding what she meant.

“From the sound of things,” she began to elaborate, “For many members of your family this was the first real exposure or piece of information about transgendered people. That’s not enough for them to really form an opinion on the topic.”

Ray nodded slowly. A few of them had even said something along those lines.

Another thought occurred to him.

“Am I though?” he asked, looking up, “Transgendered I mean?”

She looked at him carefully before slowly saying, “Do you think your transgendered?”

Ray looked at his feet. It was a question he had been struggling with a lot over the past week. He felt like he should have been born a girl, but at the same time, it was hard for him to accept that. Was that his problem? Was that why everything about his body felt wrong? What if he was wrong about that? He was second guessing himself, but he had to push all of that away for the time being and answer as best he could.

He slowly nodded. Not looking up from the floor.

Ms. Reid sighed. “Raymond, I’ll be honest with you. This is outside my area of expertise. I’ll do what I can for you, but I’d really like for you to see someone who specializes in gender therapy and transgender youth.”

“O-okay.” Ray said, not seeing where this was going.

“The issue with that,” Ms. Reid continued, “Is that it will be very hard to do so without informing your parents.”

“My sister wouldn’t mind taking me.” Ray said quietly.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t.” Agreed Ms. Reid, “But the person I had in mind is in Vancouver, will your sister be able to take you all the way there and back without tipping off your parents? Even then, the psychologist in question may not be willing to take you on as a patient without your parents’ consent.”

It was impossible. Raymond knew it the moment she mentioned Vancouver. There was no doubt in his mind that Evalyn would be willing to take him, but that was a long drive, and a lot of money in gas. It wasn’t feasible without his parents, and like Ms. Reid had said, even if it was, the doctor might not agree.

“The next step, Raymond,” Ms. Reid continued gently, “Can only be to bring your parents in.”

Tears flowed freely now.

“I can’t.” Ray managed to whisper. “They won’t understand.”

“You don’t know that.” She urged, trying to comfort him.

Ray just shook his head and wiped away the tears.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Raymond slowly collecting himself.

“When you’re en femme.” Ms. Reid said, breaking the silence and trying to resume their conversation, “Do you have a name?”

“En femme?” Ray asked between sniffles, unfamiliar with the term.

“Yes,” Ms. Reid continued, “En femme basically means when you’re in your female persona. Do you have a name?”

Ray nodded shyly.

“May I ask what it is?” Ms. Reid asked, trying to draw the boy back out of his shell.

“It’s, uh, Rayne.” He said quietly, not knowing why he was blushing, but blushing lightly nonetheless.

Ms. Reid nodded, “When you’re Rayne, do you ever feel the discomfort or anxiety you feel as Raymond?”

Raymond slowly shook his head. “No, not really. I’m still shy, maybe even more shy, but I don’t feel like I’m going to die just from people looking at me.”

Ms. Reid nodded again and continued, “When you think about telling your parents, that’s what you need to think about. It’s the only way you can keep being Rayne. Right now, Rayne comes out just for the art shows, right? What happens when those are over? Will you be able to just give her up?”

Raymond looked at the floor again and shook his head. No. It had only been a couple of weeks, but he already knew he couldn’t.

“If you keep on dressing as Rayne while living with your parents, eventually you will get caught.”

Ray was silent.

“It’s better for you to tell them yourself than for them to discover you.” She finished.

Ray nodded. She had a point.

“But how do I do it?” Ray asked, “I don’t think I’ll be able to just tell them.”

Ms. Reid nodded thoughtfully. Good. She seemed to have him on board. That was the hardest part. “I think,” she began, “That I’d like to meet Rayne. Maybe with Evalyn present. And we can make a plan.”

Ray looked up at her in surprise. “Wh- what? When? How?”

Ms. Reid replied easily, “How about on Friday after school? That’s when you’ve been getting dressed up the last two weeks right?”

Ray nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, but I don’t know if I’ve made it to the next round yet. If I haven’t, then I wasn’t planning on being Rayne, and if I have I’ll need to leave right away.”

Ms. Reid nodded, “Well, if you haven’t then it gives you a reason to, and if you have, then I can get you and your sister out of class early.”

Raymond nodded slowly. “Okay.” He agreed.

A short time later they ended the session for the day, Ray assuring her that he would let her know whether he made it to the third showing or not as soon as he knew.

The hardest part would be convincing the studious Evalyn to leave class early if he did!
 

~o~O~o~

 
Evalyn was waiting for him at his locker at the end of the day.

She raised an eyebrow, posing a silent question about his absence around the house that morning.

“Hey squirt.” She said in greeting, leaving that talk for the drive home.

“Hey Eva.” He replied, “How was your day.”

“It was fine.” She answered, “Although I was a bit lonely in the morning.”

Ray rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop himself from giving a small smile.

Together they walked to her car. She had been giving him a ride to and from school every day so far that semester. He had asked her about it the second week of school, all she had said was, “It was wrong of me to say you embarrassed me. That wasn’t very sisterly. I’m sorry and I won’t be acting like that anymore.”

The two had left it at that, but Ray didn’t think she knew how much it truly meant to him.

“Alright. Spill.” His sister drew him from his thoughts as she turned the ignition.

Raymond sighed heavily.

“After last night, I just needed some time to clear my head.” He explained wearily.

Evalyn nodded.

“I figured as much. What did you think of last night? Everyone’s reactions I mean?”

Raymond looked at her in shock.

“What did I think? I think that’s obvious.” He said, clearly upset, “I think our whole family is going to hate me when they find out.”

That got Evalyn’s attention. For a split second, she looked at him before turning back to the road.

“WHEN they find out?” She asked cautiously, “Not if?”

Ray sighed heavily again. “Yeah. When.”

When she said nothing, he continued.

“Today I met with Ms. Reid again. We talked about a lot, but ultimately she told me that I needed to see a specialist, and that doing so would be near impossible without Mom and Dad knowing.”

Evalyn’s brow furrowed in thought. “A specialist?” she asked, “Isn’t Ms. Reid the specialist? And why would it be impossible without telling Mom and Dad. I mean, I think it’s a good – No – Great idea to FINALLY tell them, but why is it necessary?”

“It’s because the specialist is in Vancouver.” Ray said with a sigh, “And apparently, is unlikely to take me as a patient without Mom and Dad knowing.”

“And we need this specialist becaaaaaause” Evalyn asked, dragging out the last word to probe for an answer.

“Because they specialize in gender therapy, and transgender youth.” Ray mumbled.

“O- Oh.” Evalyn said, suddenly understanding.

They sat in silence for the rest of the drive, each deep in their own thoughts.

Finally, as they pulled up to the house, Evalyn turned to look at Raymond.

“So is that it?” she asked hesitantly, “You’re definitely transgendered?”

Ray just looked at his feet. “I’m still not sure.” He said, “All I know is that when I’m Raymond everything about me is messed up, horrible, and wrong. And when I’m Rayne I feel so” he paused searching for the right words. He turned to look his sister in the eyes, “I feel so right.” He finished.

She nodded slowly. “So we’re telling them at dinner tonight then?” she asked.

Raymond’s eyes widened with fear, “NO. Oh God no.” He adamantly denied.

Evalyn became very confused.

“But,” she started eyes scrunched up, “You were just telling me we need to tell them.”

“Yeah, we do.” Raymond sighed heavily, “But not tonight.” He stressed.

“Then when?” Evalyn asked, exasperated.

“Probably next week.” Raymond explained, “Ms. Reid wants to meet Rayne in person first.”

“Oh! I see.” Evalyn said in understanding.

“She actually,” Raymond continued, “Would like to meet with you and Rayne at the same time. So you all can make a plan about how to tell them.”

Evalyn giggled. “Okay. When?”

“Well,” Raymond began, confused as to why his sister was giggling. He didn’t think this was a laughing matter. “She would like to meet you and Rayne after school Friday, however, if Rayne makes it to the third showing of the talented youth event, then you and Rayne may have to leave class early. Would that be okay?”

Evalyn burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?!” Ray asked, getting mad.

“I’m sorry,” his sister managed between laughs, “I need a second.”

Ray glared at her until she calmed down.

“Okay,” She said, breathing deeply to regain control of herself.

“This isn’t a joke Eva.” Ray said seriously.

She gave him a gentle look, “Oh, Ray. I’m sorry for laughing. I know it’s serious, it’s just-

She had to stifle another laugh.

“It’s just what?!” Ray demanded.

“It’s just that even though it’s just the two of us you’ve been talking about Rayne as if she’s someone else entirely. You’ve basically been talking in third person, instead of saying ‘I’ you’ve been saying ‘Rayne’. That combined with the seriousness of tone, and your super serious facial expressions, it just cracked me up.”

Raymond gave her a blank look. He took a moment to think back on what he had said, and realized it was true.

Evalyn – watching him go from angry, to confused, to contemplative, to realization so rapidly – couldn’t help but burst into another round of laughter.

Raymond glared at her, trying to look stern. That just made her laugh harder.

He couldn’t do it anymore. How did that saying go? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?

Ray slowly broke into laughter as well.
 

~o~O~o~

 
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, Ray ran with Sebastian, got his homework done, and was soon sitting down with his family for a nice family dinner.

The each talked about their days, how school and work had gone, and what they had planned for the rest of the night.

As they were getting ready to wrap up, Jameson spoke up.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” He began, “It’s been a while since we had a good men’s weekend.”

Sebastian looked up eagerly.

“I was thinking this Friday, as soon as class gets out,” He looked at Sebastian and Ray in turn, “The three of us could drive up into the mountains to spend the weekend camping. I spoke to your Uncle Frank and he and the twins would love to join us too. Grandpa might even come.”

Sebastian couldn’t contain his excitement, “That sounds awesome Dad! We never managed to make it out this summer!”

Ray was less enthused. It wasn’t that he disliked camping, on the contrary he loved the outdoors. More then anything it was because it would be just the men, of whom he had little to nothing in common with. Normally he would just suck it up and put up with the trip, but the real issue was that he was already booked Friday evening.

Jameson looked at Raymond expectantly.

“Gee, uh, that sounds great dad, but I kinda have plans Friday night.”

“What plans?” his father immediately asked. “You were out the past two Fridays. I know your enjoying the new you son, but you have to make time for family.”

Raymond didn’t know what to say. He was a poor liar when put on the spot.

“Logan.” Evalyn piped up. Everyone turned to look at her. “Raymond was telling me on the ride home how excited he is to actually hang out with Logan Friday night, since they haven’t really had a chance yet.”

Raymond didn’t hesitate to latch on to the lifeline. “Exactly. We agreed to get together Friday night. He said he was willing to pick me up at home Friday night, then, Saturday morning or afternoon, he’ll drive me home.”

“Oh, really?” Catalina joined the conversation, “That’s awfully generous of him. Gas is so expensive.”

“I told him I’d buy him a tank of gas.” Ray defended desperately.

“With whose money?” Sebastian teased.

Ray once again, was left not knowing what to say.

Evalyn once again, tossed him a lifeline.

“Lemme clarify.” She began, eyeing him mischievously, “Ray told Logan that he’d buy him a tank of gas, and I told Raymond I’d front him for this tank of gas if he cleaned my room and car.”

Ray opened his mouth to object, but realizing if he did then the story wouldn’t stick, closed it again. He elected to simply nod instead.

Their Father was clearly disappointed. “I dunno.” He said, “we rarely have opportunities like this. I’d really like for you to be there son.”

Ray didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know if Rayne had made it to the third showing yet, but if she had, she couldn’t miss it because of him.

Wow, he realized and made a mental note that Evalyn had been right. He really was thinking of Rayne as a separate entity from Raymond. But now wasn’t the time to ponder that.

Not knowing what else he could do, he fell to his last resort. Begging.

“Please Dad?” he pleaded.

Their father just looked at him, clearly indecisive.

“Can I make a suggestion Pops?” Evalyn said, stepping in again.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“Ray’s gonna be back home Saturday afternoon at the latest, right?” She asked, “I’ll drive him up to the camp ground as soon as he gets home. That way he’ll be there for at least half the trip.”

Jameson slowly nodded. “That’s a fair compromise. If you’re okay with driving him Evalyn, I can accept that.”

Ray gave a heavy sigh of relief.

“Just don’t forget Eva,” Catalina spoke up again, “I’m flying out Thursday night to a conference in Toronto. I won’t be back until Saturday, so you’ll be fending for yourself for food Friday night.”

She shrugged the comment off, “Eh, I’ll probably see if I can just mooch a dinner invite off a friend.”

Shortly after, dinner wrapped up, and the kids headed upstairs to their respective rooms.

“Thanks for the backup at dinner Eva.” Ray said quietly, “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“No worries little bro, I’m getting something out of this too.”

“You are?” he asked in confusion.

“Yeah!” She said excitedly, “You’re cleaning my room and car. Remember?”

The look on Raymond’s face made it obvious that he had thought she was kidding. She wasn’t. It was necessary for their cover story after all. She’s probably help him, but he wasn’t getting off the hook.

The two had a quick laugh before Evalyn gave him an unexpected hug.

“I really am getting something out of this though.” She whispered into his ear, “A little sister.”
 

~o~O~o~

 
Tuesday went by smoothly, he ate lunch with Cynthia and Ryan, the threesome falling into the usual easy routine of Cynthia gushing about whatever was on her mind, with Ryan and Raymond simply listening and throwing out the occasional comment. The three ate their lunches outside the art room, hoping for some information on the results of the last showing. Lunch ended with them disappointed, each heading to their respective classes, accepting that they would have to wait for the next day to find out the results.

Finally, Wednesday arrived and found the three of them eating lunch together once more, with the added addition of Ms. Mira, who was expecting the email any moment.

There was little conversation that day. Even Cynthia was too apprehensive to really talk much.

After what seemed to be an eternity, but was really only a few minutes, Ms. Mira’s phone buzzed, signalling the arrival of an email.

She looked at her students seriously.

“Before we read this, I want each of you to promise me that no matter the results, you won’t let it discourage you and you’ll continue to give your work everything you have. Okay?”

All three nodded.

Ms. Mira unlocked her phone and read the email.

Her shoulders slumped. She didn’t say anything.

“We didn’t make it.” Ryan said plainly, not needing her to read it.

“Oh, shush.” Cynthia scolded him, “We don’t know that yet.”

“Ms. Mira sadly looked up at the three of them.

“Only two of you made it.”

Oh. That took Raymond off guard. For some reason, he had it stuck in his head that it would be either all of them or none of them. He didn’t know what to say.

Apparently, none of them did, as Ryan and Cynthia were equally quiet.

Ms. Mira just watched them. Finally, Cynthia spoke up, “Well get on with it then. Whoever it is who didn’t make it will just have to be happy for the other two. We came this far together after all.”

She met both Ryan and Raymond’s eyes in turn.

“Absolutely.” Ryan said confidently.

Raymond nodded. “I’m sure it’s you two who made it though. You’re both so much more experienced and skilled than me.”

“Nonsense.” Cynthia declared. “I thought we’d already established that you have every right to be in this competition and have just as much skill as me and Ryan.”

After a moment, Raymond slowly shook his head, “I’d like to agree with you Cynthia, but I just can’t. You should have said ‘Ryan and I’. You’re totally right about my art ability though.”

Cynthia stared at him blankly for a moment before the whole group burst into laughter.

Once they had collected themselves, Ryan turned to Ms. Mira, “Alright, just tell us. Who didn’t make the cut?”

Ms. Mira nodded slowly, glanced at the email again then looked back at the group.

“I’m so sorry Cynthia.”

Cynthia’s ever happy jaw hardened. She nodded slowly.

“Alright then. I’ll just have to redouble my efforts in the future.”

Ryan immediately went to give her a hug. Raymond followed immediately afterwards.

“Now don’t you two go getting all sappy on me.” She said adamantly, the cheer slowly returning to her voice, “I fully expect you both to make it through to the real event, and if you don’t I’ll give ya a beatin’.”

Raymond and Ryan had to laugh at that. The rest of lunch was spent consoling Cynthia – much to her annoyance – and making sure she was okay – which she insisted she was.

Raymond left a few minutes early, giving himself enough time to swing by Ms. Reid’s office and inform her of the good news, before dashing off to class.
 

~o~O~o~

 
The rest of the day rushed past, and soon Raymond was eagerly rushing to his sister’s car, looking forward to telling her about his success. They would need to formulate another plan for Friday. They would have to be on the same page for everything to work.

“So do you think you’ll be able to get a ride home from someone Friday night?” Evalyn asked as they left the school parking lot.

“Can’t you pick me up?” Raymond asked, slightly confused.

“Well I made dinner plans with a friend.” She explained, “Remember how Mom said I’d have to fend for myself for dinner Friday night?”

Raymond did remember. He also remembered that Evalyn would burn water if she tried to cook for herself.

“We may go to the movies afterwards” she continued, “so I might not be able to make it on time.”

“But how’s Rayne supposed to change when she gets home then?” Ray asked worriedly, slipping back into third person.

“You’re not.” Evalyn said bluntly, “Mom will be out of town, and Dad and Seb up in the mountains. You can just walk in the door as Rayne and then change at your leisure.”

She glanced at him to see understanding dawn on his face.

“Or not change.” She said playfully, “Mom won’t be home until early afternoon the next day after all.”

Raymond grinned eagerly. Friday was going to be a good day.
 

~o~O~o~

 
That night, Ray powered through his homework. He needed to have it all done by Friday morning as he would have very little time to work on it over the weekend.

At dinner, the family finalized plans for the weekend. With everyone doing different things, it was very important to Ray and Catalina that everyone be on the same page, and know where everyone else would be.

The rest of the night went quietly, Ray focusing completely on his homework.

Thursday too, was peaceful. Ray could feel an excited apprehension growing for the following day, and because of it, the day seemed to crawl by. He did his best to pay attention in each of his classes, but with other things on his mind, he had little success. Finally, the bell rang and he was able to return home.

That night he went for his run with Sebastian. They had found a comfortable pace, and had decided that at this point Ray was happy just maintaining his current level of fitness. He could tell Sebastian was a little disappointed by that, but being the ever-supportive big brother, he didn’t push him. Ray finally finished all of his homework after dinner, and, with Evalyn’s help, selected Rayne’s outfit for the next day. Not that it was much of a decision. Rayne only really had three outfits, two of which she had already worn to the other showings. They carefully wrapped up the outfit and everything they would need for his Ray’s transformation, and loaded it into the duffel bag.

The family drove Catalina to the airport, and each of them embraced and said their farewells. She would only be gone for a few days, but Ray couldn’t help feeling a little emotional nonetheless.

Finally, Raymond collapsed into bed at the end of the long day, earlier then usual, intending to get a good rest. He was eagerly anticipating the following day’s showing. It was the third and final showing. If he made it through, then his work would be part of the exhibit in the actual art gallery! He finally drifted off into dreamland, dreaming dreams of a new life. A life as Rayne.



Hello hello!

Flummox here with another chapter of A Blank Page!

I wanted to post this, like, 4 days ago, but the last week has been a bit hectic. It’s here now though.

I just wanted to say thank you again for all the support people give me. I cannot tell you enough how much it means. When I’m having a bad day, it’s the words you all share with me that pick me back up.

On that note, I would really appreciate it if you left me a comment or a message telling me what you think! Whether you liked it or hated it, I’d love to hear why. Although if you hated it, please be gentle. I’m fragile ;P

Whether you want to comment/message me or not, thanks so so much just for taking the time to read.

Next chapter’s a big one. So until then,

Flummox out

up
370 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

I just wanted to wail in disappointment

when the story was done. I hated that I had to stop reading and
wait for the next installment. I just love this story and
can't wait for more.

These characters are so great. There's so much to look forward to.

Had to do a double take

I read the subject line, and my first reaction was, "OH NO, I screwed up."
Then I read the rest. :P

I'm sorry it wasn't longer, but another chapter is on the way.
Thanks so much for reading and for the kind words.

A great story and my reasons why I value it...

Your story appeals to me due to your excellent writing and the characters.

  • Rayne, the main characters and the supporting characters are genuinely nice and believable (aka well-developed and consistent.)
  • The feelings and reactions of Rayne and the way it is expressed: feeling wrong & horribly self-conscious vs right, believing that neutrality/negativity from parents meant that they would hate a person...
    The story both validates my own personal experience while giving me a basis for to me to grant myself forgiveness/permission to accept the choices I made and the rationale as the best I could have done in my own high school situation. Seeing how someone very smart and courageous like Rayne needs the help of his sister and counselor helps reinforce my own choices and situations were based on a lack of support but still okay.
  • Reading these stories remind me why I had to make my own personal choices and why they were the right ones for me in an emotionally safe manner. It has been many years since I experienced the wrongness that forced me to transition and I tend to "forget" traumatic things. Ray's experience is safer (less likely to send me into depression, anxiety, etc) while still helping me be able to say, "yes, that's why I chose to transition, etc." ,
  • Sorry about the length of the response to your request for comments on the story. Hopefully, I was able to convey why "A Blank Page" is both a great story and means so much more as well.

Thank you for your time and effort,
Ankh

Wow

I was not expecting such a detailed response. Thanks so much Ankh!

Being able to hear another's perspective and opinions really helps me to see where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and what I have to work on.

It means a lot to me that you would take the time not just to read, but to give me such a detailed response.

I'm just sorry I don't have much more to say then that. :P

Thanks so much.

Can't Wait

I have to say that as you've discussed Rayne's fears of coming out to her parents I completely relate to her as a character. The testing of the waters is something I can remember doing myself before. (Unfortunately those waters are shark infested with who knows what other creatures for me...) I hope you're able to write soon and keep from making us wait too long!

It's definitely scary.

It's impossible to predict how people will react to that kind of revelation.
There's also inevitably the reactions of people you don't even think about initially.
It can be really scary.

Thanks for reading and commenting. I'll try not to keep you waiting too much longer.

You and me both.

Coming out can be super scary.

I've spotted a gaping hole in their plan

Rayne has been acting weird for a while, surely the parental units would have noticed, even if she hasn't realised they have, one of them will almost certainly call bunny's parents to check up... and Rayne and Eva don't seem to have given him a heads up

It's to be expected.

In my experience, no plan is ever as solid as it seems - especially not one made by two teenagers.
Whether the hole will actually tear the plan apart or not remains to be seen.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Raymond is at that moment in

Raymond is at that moment in life when you just do not know what your own parents are going to think or say when you finally appear as someone whom they do not know because that person is a completely different gender than they are used to. Will be a most interesting next chapter and I do look forward to it.

Chaos and Confusion

I think the teenage years are confusing and chaotic for anyone. But struggling with matters of gender, sexuality, and identity only make it worse. So much worse. It feels like there's no one to talk to. Will your parents understand? Scary just to think about. What if the people at school find out? Kids can be so nasty. There are so many questions, and so few answers.

Flummy

I want the next chapter so bad ;-; I'll wait though, just wow this story is going from 0 to 100 real fast. It's going to get INTENSE! I cant wait to see what happens!

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

Isn't waiting hard?!

I always have a hard time following an incomplete series because of that. I get soooo impatient. xP

I'll try not to keep you waiting too much longer. ;P

Jumped into the middle

gillian1968's picture

But I enjoyed it.

Now I'll have to go back and read the rest.

Gillian Cairns

Thanks for reading!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Excellent

Haylee V's picture

JUST remember to pace yourself luv, so you don't burn yourself out.

All my love to a very dear friend.

*Kisses Always*
Haylee V

I'll keep that in mind

Thanks for always supporting me Haylee. It's so appreciated.

Rayne

Appears to be near the tipping point where the secret will have to be revealed. Crossing fingers the family will support her.

Getting close

Slowly but surely, we're getting there.

Thanks for the reading and commenting Wendy.

I am excited and more scared now.<scared giggles>

I will wait for the 'big one' patiently.
Crossing fingers everything will be alright.
But I know the reallity of life can be tearful.
So before I shed tears, I just want to thanks you Flummox for this beautiful story. You made it so real that it stick to my emotion.

Thank you
thank you
thank you.

Thanks!

I appreciate your patience, but I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. ;D
I'll keep doing my best to meet your expectations.
Thanks for everything.

Fear and insecurity

Podracer's picture

Something most of us will understand, but I'm glad that Raymond has lifelines available. I don't think he would make it without. A little scared for him - and Rayne's future - in the coming days.
Still reading, and eager for more :)

"Reach for the sun."

Hey Podracer, always a

Hey Podracer, always a pleasure to read your comments.

It's certainly scary. Life is so much harder with out support. Doubly so for someone so young.

I'm eager to post more too, so I'll try not to keep you waiting so much longer.

Murphy makes an appearance

Jamie Lee's picture

Ms. Reid makes a valid point, Ray needs to see a specialist whose field deals with Transgender youths. And, Ray's parents need to be told. He is so confused at the moment that he needs help sorting out his feelings.

Dad may think it a good idea to have a men only camping trip, but he should have broached the subject with his sons weeks ago. To make sure they didn't have any plans or school function they had to attend. Plus, he should have asked if they wanted to go instead of expecting them to go. They may not have wanted to go.

The plan is for mom to be out of town for a few days. Dad and younger brother are going camping with the others, Ray to join them Saturday. What could be better for Rayne? After the art show she can just come home to change or not.

However, what if moms' meeting gets cancelled and she returns home Friday shortly after Rayne gets home? Or if for whatever reason, the camping trip gets cancelled and dad and younger son arrive home shortly after Rayne? Or both happens? Or, all three get home just as Rayne gets home?

The plan that Rayne goes home to an empty house is too perfect. Someone is going to drop the other shoe and Ray's parents are going to meet Rayne.

Others have feelings too.

Only time will tell

There's so much that could go wrong. But also a lot that could go right!

I can't say much else with spoiling something, so I'll leave it at that. :P

Thanks as always for reading and commenting. I always appreciate it.

I just love

Eva and how much she supports Rayne, I leaned on my sister too when I was first finding myself, she was the only family member I felt like would support me from the beginning. It is just so hard to be so vulnerable to tell family when you are so afraid that they will reject you.