A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows

by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare

Chapter 3

The next morning I took my daily shaving further than usual. After removing my facial and neck hair I climbed into the shower and carefully shaved my arms, underarms, chest and legs. The worst was clearing the underarms as I couldn't get the angle correct to clear all the hair. I had some hair on my back but couldn't remove that without help. As I was keeping this secret from my sister as well as my mother requesting help was not an option.

After clearing all the hairs out of the shower I wrapped the towel round my waist and made a dash for my room. I didn't make it. Beth on hearing me exit the bathroom was on her way and we crashed into each other. Beth being an observant girl took one look at me and dragged me to her room.

"What is going on?" she demanded.

"Sorry?"

She lifted my left arm and let out a gentle sigh. "So why did you decide to shave all over? Where are you going today?"

"I'm going to Anna's" I responded hoping to evade the first part of her question.

"And the shaving?"

I decided that my sister wasn't going to let me go till I gave a pretty good explanation. "I looked a fool yesterday in rehearsal. I didn't know how to act in a female role. I'm going to Anna's where she and Erika are going to help. When you measured me I mentioned that if I had to act as a woman I wanted to be the best one possible. Well this is just part of that."

Beth looked at me for a moment with a look of disbelief. "Well next time, little brother, wear a dressing gown just on the off-chance Mum is around."

"You're not going to tell her?"

"Not at the moment as it would freak her out. Just think about what you are doing. I know that it isn't just the pantomime. Do you want to be a girl?"

"NO!" I responded very forcefully. "Do you think I would have had the reaction to the prospect of Anna leaving if I did?"

I turned to leave but Beth again took me by hand and led me back to the bathroom. "Let me do your back then you will be complete."

"Thanks." I responded, still shocked that my sister would help in such a way. She covered my back in shaving cream and expertly removed the hair.

"If you need help in the future just ask. Also be careful and think what you are doing."

I nodded and left Beth alone in the bathroom. I was now late so scrambled into some clothes and was about to walk out of the front door when Mum suddenly burst through from the kitchen.

"I'm glad I caught you", she said. "I hear that Anna and Erika's parents are going to Milton Keynes house hunting?"

I acknowledged this with a quick nod.

"I presume you have lunch planned but they must both come to dinner. Beth has already agreed to swap with you and cook today; you can cook tomorrow."

"I'll tell them." I said glancing at my watch. "Damn, I'm late!"

My Mum gave me a disapproving look about my language which I returned with a quick apology. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and departed. I walked quickly up the road and turned into her driveway just after nine thirty. Anna's parents car had gone so I strode up to the door and was admitted by a waiting Erika. I followed her into the kitchen where Anna was just pulling out a batch of Shrewsbury Biscuits. Five minutes later when they had slightly cooled we sat around the solid pine kitchen table munching the biscuits and discussing the upcoming activities.

"We will divide the activities into three areas," pronounced Anna. "Walking, talking and other skills. Now before we start a word of warning. You sometimes get accused of being a girl, like what happened the other week with the sixth former. When you pick up some of these skills it will happen more often."

"I knew that before I asked but I like to err on the side of caution." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and stared out of the window at the large oak tree in the distance as I said, "I just hope that one day I will be able find a girl that will accept me for who I am and not how I look."

We all paused for a moment. It upset me to bare my sole like that. The girls didn't know what to say but both leaned across and we all had a gentle hug accompanied by several sniffles.

"For the pantomime you will need to move like a girl and put on a more feminine voice but still have a masculine overtone. We will also work on your full feminine voice," explained Anna. "We will start with walking. First we will try a pair of one inch heels and then later attempt to make you move gracefully. You take a size five shoe don't you?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"You put your shoes next to me when you were measured. I noticed as we are the same size."

"I still can't get over the fact that the shoe sizes are the same for men and women. In America we have different measurements," pointed out Erika.

We moved out of the kitchen and went up to Anna's room. Even though nobody was expected we didn't want any surprises. I sat on her dressing tables stool, and removed my shoes.

Anna went into her wardrobe and removed a pair of shoes with a one inch heal. "Try these ones as a starter," she said offering me the shoes. I gingerly took them and put them on the floor placing my feet within. There width was a bit snug but the length was perfect.

"Here goes nothing," I quipped as I tried standing. "It's a good thing that these shoes have a relatively chunky heal" I continued as I wobbled trying to gain a new balance.

Erika, standing next to me, said "Well cool! Now try to move towards the door. Don't worry I'm here to catch you if you fall."

Warily I took my first steps. My legs wobbled like a newly born foal as I tried to move forward. After about ten steps I was at the door, which Anna had just opened saying, "Shall we practice along the landing? It's straighter and with no furniture there's less likelihood of you tripping over something."

After four lengths of walking up and down the landing I began to feel a lot more confidant. "I think I'm ready to experiment with a higher version." I moved back to the stool, sat down and removed the one inch heels. Erika and Anna had a quick conference regarding the next heels and a new pair was produced.

"These are two inch heels," stated Anna as she passed them to me. I looked them over and noticed that the heal was also much narrower. I again placed my feet within their tight confines and rose from the stool.

"Go out onto the landing again," said Erika as she hovered at my side. I waddled slowly towards the door. My movements were again disjointed as I readjusted to the new centre of gravity.

After several lengths of the landing I was again starting to gain in confidence. "Well done," cheered Anna. "You can now walk in shoes with a two inch heal. We aren't going to go any higher today because you need to refine your walk. The two inch heal is making you walk differently but the general style is still masculine. You need to learn to glide."

"Glide?"

"Yes glide. There is an old trick to teaching how to glide. You will need to be able to walk while balancing a book on your head."

So for the next two hours I walked and walked and walked. At first the book fell off every few seconds but this gradually diminished as not only did I begin to understand what was required it started to become the norm.

"Well done," exclaimed Anna looking at her shiny silver watch. "It's nearly one so let's have lunch."

Erika took my right arm as we gently manoeuvred down the stairs. My balance nearly gave way towards the end as my tired feet began to complain but I made it to the bottom. Erika released my arm and I glided into the kitchen taking the closest seat at the table.

As Erika had assisted me down the stairs Anna had put together a quick cottage cheese salad. I figured the girls would do a comprehensive job on me but this was a step further than I had expected. However, on reflection, this might help me get into the correct frame of mind so I bit my tongue, gave a weak smile of thanks and tucked in.

Erika looked surprised at me and queried, "Where did you learn to eat like that?"

"Sorry" I said looking ashamed and put down the cutlery.

"Don't be sorry, I'm just surprised. I thought we would have to teach you to eat in a graceful, feminine manner, but you already do."

"Oh," I replied not knowing how to take this. "I'm just eating as I've always done. This is the way I was taught when I was young and never thought anything of it."

"Erika," interjected Anna. "I should have told you earlier but I didn't think. I've always known that Bill eats with refinement; its one of the things I like about him."

For the next few minutes I heard nothing of the conversation. She liked something about me. This was the first glimpse that she had noticed me. She had seen and taken note of how I ate.

Anna asking me, "Are you okay Bill?" interrupted my thoughts. "You have gone very red. Are you too hot or feeling ill?"

"I...I...I'm fine," I stuttered. Erika gave me a small smile as if she knew my thoughts but didn't do anything to help. "Perhaps some water will help." I got up and helped myself. I got myself under control and finished off my salad without further incident.

As we finished washing the pots I remembered my mothers invite. "Mum had heard that your parents were looking for new houses so you both are invited to dinner."

"What time do you have to go back? Isn't today your day to cook?" asked Anna.

"Beth has swapped for today," I replied.

"Erika, you have never eaten at the Tom's, have you?" queried Anna. Erika shook her head. "Well Mrs Toms came top of her class in one of England's finest cooking schools and has taught both Beth and Bill how to cook. There are never any shortcuts or packet sauces, everything is cooked from scratch, and the quality is excellent."

"Wow, sounds great!" exclaimed Erika. Even though she'd just eaten her eyes lit up at the thought.

We moved back to Anna's bedroom where I was going to learn about dressing and acting in ladies garments. Anna went to her wardrobe and pulled out a blouse and a long skirt and hung them on the hook on the back of her bedroom door. Anna pulled open one of her drawers and extracted a salmon pink pair of panties and placed them on the bed with a pair of tights.

"I'll be back in a moment," said Anna as she left the room and momentarily returned with a white lacy bra. "Your chest is slightly larger than ours so we are borrowing one of my Mums. We will leave you to get changed; give us a shout when you're ready."

The two girls left leaving me on my own in a very feminine room. A room that I had long had fantasies about but it didn't include what I was going to do. I disrobed and neatly placed my discarded clothes on the bed. Nervous about being caught naked I reached for the panties and stepped into them. For the first time in three years I was wearing underwear that, apart from an obvious bulge, fitted my contours.

"Ooohh," quietly escaped my lips. A small tingling overcame me as I gently rolled the tights up my short legs. This wasn't a feeling I was expecting. The tights were, there was no other word for it, erotic. I'd never shaved my legs before the feeling of the tights encasing them was something else.

What next...mmmm...well it is either the skirt or the bra. I decided to complete the underwear first so picked up the bra. I put my arms through the straps and checked to see I was putting the contraption together correctly. I had noticed a small bow at the front in the middle between the two cups. The bow was no longer visible so I turned over the bottom and it was there. I had almost put it on inside out. I corrected the orientation and tried to work out how to fasten it.

The fasteners were at the back so I puzzled how to fasten it. I thought about putting it on with the fastener at the front and then twist it round. However I was worried that I might stretch the straps putting the arms in. I also contemplated asking for help but I wanted to learn myself. I pulled the fasteners to the front, positioned my fingers by the clasps and twisting it to the back, managed to fasten it.

"Give us a shout if you need help with the bra," called Erika from elsewhere in the house.

"I've managed," I replied hoping my relief didn't reflect in my voice.

I took the skirt and stepped into it and slipped the top over my head. I looked down and was not happy with the shape of the top. The top was designed for young teenagers with small breasts. I looked at the bed and noticed my socks and they looked ideal to fill out the bra cups. After filling them I brushed my hair into a style like Beth's. Once complete I looked into the full-length mirror and gasped. That couldn't be me. I'm a boy not a girl. I've not even added makeup and I look like a slightly younger version of my sister but with a slightly bigger nose. It only took a few bits of clothes and a brush of the hair? Gosh I am in trouble. I stood staring into the mirror transfixed on the girl reflecting back at me.

I was brought out of the trance by a gentle hand being placed on my shoulder causing me to jump.

"Come and sit down," whispered Erika as she steered me across to the bed.

As I sat down I smoothed the skirt as I'd often seen my mother and sister do. "Where's Anna?"

"She was shocked when she saw how passable you looked and is in the lounge getting herself together. I think she has the same feelings for you that your have for her but she is not ready to admit it to herself. I also think that she feels responsible because you have always been her best friend and she never encouraged you to do anything positively masculine."

"That is total crap," I snapped getting up and out of the door. "Can you give us five minutes? And no I'm not going to declare my feelings for her, I don't think me, you or Anna would be able to handle the fallout from that."

I glided to the stairs and didn't make a bad attempt of descending them. As I entered the lounge I saw Anna with her head buried in a cushion quietly sobbing. As I sat next to her I placed my arm around her, pulled her in and hugged her.

As her sobs diminished I asked, "Tell me what's wrong. It's still me. I only look different. I'm still the person you have known the last ten years."

"You are not the same. You are changing. Your hips have already changed but the rest will follow. You have managed to dress and present yourself in a feminine manner and you don't appear to care. There was no fight from you to wear a bra, panties or skirt; it is like you enjoyed doing it. Those panties were the girliest pair that I own and you didn't even complain."

"No, it isn't something I enjoy but it is something that is probably inevitable. I have learnt that you fight the fights worth fighting. No matter how much I fight this it isn't going to change the fact that I have a defective body that isn't going to develop as I want. I could get all depressed and moody about it but what is the point; it isn't going to change anything and will just upset myself and everyone around me. I'm just making the best out of a bad situation."

"Well you are certainly good looking enough that the boys will be interested so at least you won't have to worry about that."

As Anna uttered those words my face winced in pain. Boys; no they could never fancy me. A picture of being grabbed and kissed by a man filled my imagination. This was too much for me and my stomach gave a warning lurch filling my throat with bile. I grabbed the nearby wastebasket and brought back my lunch. Regurgitated lettuce leaves have the foulest taste in the world; so bitter.

"I'm NOT GAY!" I uttered forcefully with distaste in my voice, carefully emphasizing the last two words. "I fancy girls and not boys!"

A small weak smile broke into her gloom. "Go and grab a lemon juice from the kitchen, it will take away some of the foul taste. I'll clean the bin."

We both came back to the lounge at the same time and just as Erika came down the stairs.

"Bill's done well in what he's been taught. He's mastered low heels well and when dressed looks better than me," teased Erika. "You okay now Anna?"

"Yes. I understand that he needs our guidance before our parents move us to Milton Keynes. I was worried it was something I'd done that made it so easy for him but thinking about it he has been living without another male role model for a year so it isn't surprising.

"Do you think you could handle learning how to talk like a girl?"

"In the words of Magnus Magnusson, I've started so I'll finish," quoted Bill. "Let's do it."

"Magnus who?" asked Erika.

"Magnusson. He was host of a famous UK quiz called mastermind. I'll explain later. Now Bill, stop trying to confuse Erika and let's got on with it."

She produced a book and got me to read from it. As I read they both got me to change things like volume and intonation. This went on for about an hour and at the end my throat was sore. I was glad of the drinks that we all had.

"Shouldn't we be going down to Bill's?" asked Erika.

We all trouped to the door when Anna suddenly shouted, "STOP!" and continued more quietly, "I think that Bill better change or your Mum might have a bit of a shock."

I couldn't believe that I had become so comfortable in a skirt that I had totally forgotten what I was wearing. I took off the shoes and scampered upstairs and changed into my original clothes, carefully hanging up the skirt and top. As I removed that bra I noticed the red lines where it had dug into my skin. When I removed the panties I put on my ill fitting underwear. I wish I could find male underwear that fitted better.

"Thank you for your help today," I said as we walked down the road. "I am much more confident about the pantomime and much less apprehensive about what my future holds. Sorry about you missing on going shopping in Wolverhampton."

"We're glad to help," said Anna. "We are just upset that we will not be here when you need us the most. Don't be sorry about Wolverhampton as we can all go next week. We've all got lots of Christmas shopping to do!"

Beth's cooking was, as usual, outstanding. Anna had sampled all our cooking but this was Erika's first meal at our house and she gushed, "I've not had a chilli like this since Texas. My Mom used to make it like this but we can't get some of the ingredients. When we've eaten chilli else where it always tasted different."

"Ingredients can always be found, you just have to know where," replied Mum. "Also chilli is cooked differently in the UK than in Texas. I presume your parents are going to be away for many weekends sorting out the move so I propose that you and Anna eat here if they are away."

"I knew you were from Texas," said Beth to Erika. "So I decided to cook a traditional Texas chilli as a welcome for you first meal with us."

"Ah thanks Beth, this was awesome"

I looked over at Anna and we both smiled at each other. You can take the girl out of America but there was no taking America out of the girl.

The meal continued in a relaxed manner and we had a fabulous game of Monopoly and although Erika was used to different names on the squares managed to trounce us all. At just past nine we got word that both parents were back and our visitors left.

As we had all been to the door to say goodbye and Mum had gone straight into the kitchen asking, "Beth, can you please lock up."

I had noticed that Beth had been itching to find out my days activities so I decided to give her a small demonstration. As she turned having finished locking the door I changed my walk into a feminine glide with a slight swing of my growing hips. Beth obviously noticed as I heard her sharp intake of breath. I corrected my gait as I entered the kitchen to grab a glass of milk. As Mum was getting herself a coffee Beth couldn't say anything.

***

The next day, after we got back from our weekly visit to St Mark's church, it was time for my cooking lesson to start. Mum didn't feel that cooking was just following instructions and throwing ingredients together. First was a geography lesson of what the area was like, the people, culture, climate etc. When I understood the area it was time to understand the food; what was grown, where and when.

"You've done well and know the area and what is grown," complimented Mum. "Next week we will go through the spices, understanding the flavour, where they are used and if they mix with other spices. If you learn that quickly we might be able to start to cook your first Indian dish."

Later in the afternoon Mum went to the pub with Erika and Anna's mothers to catch up with there impending move. Beth was visiting friends so I was alone and decided to read through my lines again. I went to the lounge and put on Rachmaninov's second piano concerto and sprawled out on the settee. As I read my mind started to wander onto yesterdays events; what would it mean for the pantomime and my probable future?

I got up and practiced the part as if I was a woman. Something wasn't right but I didn't know what. I tried two more times and each time the same feeling. I pondered the situation for a moment and went to get the camcorder. I set it up in the corner and recorded my act. When I played it back I saw the problem. I was going through the motions of a woman but the perception that was being portrayed didn't match the movements. I was still acting as a man but with female actions. The mindset was wrong. I thought like a man which is perfect for the part of a Dame but would not make me very passable on the street.

I again reflected back on my training with Anna and Erika and found that everything was superficial. Mum knew how to teach so how would she have done it? Looking back to this morning she doesn't let you cook unless you understand the basics and why you are doing it. Yesterday I was taught the how but not the why. Could it be taught? Probably not, it is a mindset. It's something girls learn due to interaction with other girls and what they read in the magazines.

"Yes!" I exclaimed out loud as I pulled out Beth's copy of CosmoGirl from the magazine rack. I didn't want my sister, and especially not my mother, catching me doing this so I took it up to my room. I soon became engrossed and before I realised Mum was calling us both for dinner.

"Oh no," I thought to myself. "How am I going to get the magazine back without being found out?"

I contemplated the problem as I walked into the dining room. Mum was dishing up in the kitchen and it was just Beth who gave me a strange look and said, "Bill stop it."

"What?" I replied coming out of my thought induced trance.

"You're gliding again. I know yesterday was just to let me know what was happening but that time you were unconsciously doing it."

"Thanks," I said with a slight quiver in my voice. "I won't let it happen again. I hate to think of the impact if this happened in school."

"You'd be dead inside the hour," she agreed. "Did you borrow something of mine from the lounge?"

Caught. "Yes...Sorry about that. I was so engrossed I didn't hear you or Mum come back and I was worrying how I could replace it without being seen."

"I tell you what. While Mum is sorting out later I'll collect it from your room so she won't know."

"Thanks," I replied as I felt a big weight being lifted from my mind.

Mum had decided to make Aloo Gobi as a taster of my Indian cooking lessons. I sure missed the meat. As Mum had cooked she went to relax in the lounge while Beth and I cleared the table and washed everything up.

"What times your rehearsal tomorrow?" Beth asked as she dried a plate.

"About twenty past twelve. Why?"

"I've your costume ready and wanted to hand it to Mr Abbots."

"Shouldn't I try it on to make sure?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise but you are probably right. After we have finished here lets go upstairs and see how it goes."

The washing up was soon finished and we called to Mum that we were going upstairs to prepare for school tomorrow. We both went into Beth's room and she got out a dress that was covered hiding the design from prying eyes.

"Strip to your underwear. Now you won't have to shave your body as you already did it yesterday!"

I stripped. I wasn't embarrassed as I'd often gone swimming with my sister so was used to her seeing me with not wearing much.

"You're going to have to wear a bra as the dress requires quite a bit of padding."

I took the bra and noticed it was a DD cup. "Why so large?"

"Well the part requires that you look a bit ridiculous. You need to look like a ‘man in a dress'. I've toned down most other things so you don't look to bad."

A shrugged and took the bra. With a quick flourish I fastened it like yesterday. Obviously my practice had paid off. I turned to see my sister look at me with piecing eyes.

"What's next?" I asked trying to divert her attention.

"Tights," she numbly replied as if on autopilot. "No wait. What else did you learn yesterday?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you put that bra on far too easily for a man. You have done this before. So you either like dressing in girls clothes, which I don't think you do after your reactions the last few days, or it is something you have been practicing since yesterday."

"Like I told you yesterday; I went to Anna's to practice for the pantomime."

"And like I told YOU yesterday I think this is more than just the pantomime. I'm not going to press this but when you want to talk about it come and see me. I'm not going to hit the roof."

She handed me the tights, which again I put on with more ease than would be expected. Beth noticed and just shook her head. She removed the dress from the cover and exposed it. It was a sky blue dress with little white sheets hung on a washing line across the front.

I couldn't believe the brashness of the dress. However I stepped into it and Beth pulled up the zip. The dress was slightly padded making me look a little rounder.

"Now for the finishing parts," said Beth as she pulled out more bags.

From the first bag she produced a pair of shoes with two inch heels. Then from the second bag out came a brash red bouffant styled wig. I picked up the wig and looked at the throwback to the 1950's in stunned silence. Beth took it from me and placed it carefully on the bed.

"The wig is for later but for now sit on my dressing stool," requested Beth as she steered my body in the required direction. My mind was still not engaging. I was positioned on the stool but facing away from the mirror.

"Hold still and this shouldn't take long," ordered Beth as she produced pots and brushes. She then started on my face waving the brushes like a conductor directing an orchestra. This went on for about thirty minutes when she gave a satisfied grin.

"Let's add the wig and see if this works. I've never done makeup in this style so..."

Beth took the wig and positioned it on my head. She then brushed it till it looked correct and stood back to take in the whole picture. Obviously satisfied she opened her wardrobe door to reveal a full-length mirror.

"Take a look," she said taking me by the arm.

I moved to the mirror and stared at the reflection. The makeup was thickly applied in a fashion from about forty years ago and matched perfectly the style of the wig. All in all I looked like I was fifty.

"I look like a slightly thinner Les Dawson when he was dolled up as the old gossiping woman."

"Do you think you will be okay with this for the pantomime?" queried Beth.

I thought for a moment of the voice training and adjusted my speech to that required for the pantomime. "I think so", I replied in male voice but with distinct female overtones.

Beth stared for a second and then burst into laughter. "The voice just sets it off. I think you will do very well." Then in a conspiratorial voice said, "Let's show Mum!"

I sniggered as I nodded, slipped into the shoes and sashayed towards the stairs.

"Bill, you had better not walk like that in front of Mum or she might hit the roof."

I gingerly walked down the stairs. I was okay on flat surfaces but stairs were still tricky. I paused outside the lounge door, all my confidence sapped from me. I looked at my sister who looked supportive, took a deep breath and entered.

Mum was sat on one of the single seat settees reading the Sunday paper. She had a Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata playing in the background. The lights were dimmed low and a reading light was providing the illumination for her reading.

"What do you think Mum?" asked Beth as I walked in a rather clumsy way into the room.

Mum lowered the paper and peered over the top. Seeing something that required her undivided attention she carefully folded the paper and placed it on the chair arm. Beth, who was standing by the dimmer switch, turned up the brightness so Mum could have a good look at me dressed as Widow Twanky.

She walked around me examining the needlework. "Very good work Beth," she said. "The dress is perfect for the part of the Dame, but what sets it off is the padding, makeup and wig. This should certainly be marked well in the coursework. When will Mrs Harries see it?"

"The dress rehearsal is a week tomorrow so it will be marked then."

Mum went back to her chair and spoke to me for the first time. "Bill, you'd better change before the dress gets dirty."

I left the room feeling very dejected. Mum had treated me like a glorified dressmaker's dummy. She had looked at the dress and the outfit. There had been no verbal comment, good or bad, about how I looked or presented myself. However the look of aversion on her face when she examined me and not the outfit stuck like a stake into my heart.

By the time I made it upstairs my eyes were beginning to glisten with moisture. I managed to remove the dress, hung it up on placed the protective cover over it. I removed the other items such as the bra, tights etc and donned my original clothes. I grabbed her pack of facial wipes and went back to my room to be alone.

I wept as I removed the makeup. I trusted my mother and took pleasure when she was pleased with me. However her rejection at this time hurt. It wasn't my fault that I had the part of Widow Twanky and had to wear a dress. Why was Mum so un-understanding about it?

I cried for another few minutes and eventually managed to pull myself together. I went to Beth's room to return her wipes hoping that she wouldn't have returned. Unfortunately I heard her moving around so I knocked and asked, "Are you decent?" After getting a yes I entered. "I'm just returning your facial wipes."

Beth took them and placed them back on her dressing table. She took one look at my tear-stained face and patted her bed indicating that I should sit and talk about it.

"I thought that you did very well," started Beth. "You moved and talked well and should make a good Dame."

"Thanks," I replied tears again staring to trickle down my face. This was the type of comment I'd been hoping Mum would have made. The fact that the praise came from my sister and not my mother was even more hurtful. It just reminded me how let down I felt.

Beth hugged me till I regained control of my emotions. I asked her, "Why is Mum so upset about seeing me in a dress? She knows it isn't a voluntary thing."

"I'm not sure. Mum normally is very understanding and open minded. This is so unlike her. Maybe it reminds her of your medical problem and she hopes that it doesn't progress. Seeing you in a dress is like her seeing her worst case scenario."

"Well it is something she had better get used to. If what she said about my medical condition is correct then it is highly probable that some of my other receptors are going to fail. I recon before I'm eighteen I will be living as a woman. Not through want or desire but because I have a crap body. I'm the one who is going to have to live with the situation; not her."

"No Bill, we do everything together," reassured Beth as she gave me a gentle hug. "We're a family and we stick together. If you need to live as a woman we will all support you and make sure that nobody hurts you."

I went back to my room and got ready for bed. As I snuggled down I thought about today's events and tried to come to some conclusion about the way Mum had treated me. I thought I'd done pretty well but I knew I'd get a better indication during tomorrow's rehearsal.

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