TopShelf Blogs

I really hate my skin...


I shaved on Thursday for the first time in about a week, which is about how often I usually do it. I shaved again just now in anticipation of going out tonight, and for the love of monkeys, you'd think I used a cheese grater to do it. I even made sure to use a fresh blade, but nooooooo, let's have whole patches of little micro-nicks all around my Adam's apple and on my jawline. And this happens almost every time I shave more than once or twice a week. *sigh*

Review: Wonder City Stories

Wonder City Stories by Jude McLaughlin is a series of novels and short stories set in a world with superheroes, but the stories are not primarily about active superheroes (or supervillains). Most of the main characters are ordinary people with minor superpowers, who work regular jobs (construction work, barista, architect, journalist, therapist, etc.) and don't have codenames or crimefighting identities; some are retired superheroes, others young trainee heroes. Several characters are transgender, gender-fluid, or non-binary.

Esperanza - Now on Kindle from Doppler Press


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My novelette 'Esperanza' is now available from Doppler Press on Kindle. Proceeds go to support Erin and her crew here at BigCloset.

If you haven't read it, I think you will like it.

It's a story I wrote about 12 years ago from an outline given me by BoyChiq who has since gone stealth. It's a ghost story about a girl who wasn't a boy and a man who wasn't dead.


Thank you for the reviews and kudos for Five Minutes to Eternity


In less than a week I have received more kudos and reviews, for my short story, "Five Minutes to Eternity", that any other single piece of writing I have posted on Big Closet here.

Thank you, to all of you, for your support. I am glad so many people enjoyed reading what I wrote. Your actions warm my heart. And I hope you enjoy reading the others stories I post here, as well.

Have a nice day,


Lizzie Armitstead wins World Championship Road Race


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Well done, Lizzie, what an achievement. So she gets to wear the rainbow jersey for the next year.


In a small matter at Twickenham, Wales beat England 28-25 in the Rugby World Cup, though both sides accumulated more injuries.


At last


For anyone who knew of my multiple failed attempts to make it to the UK to marry my sweetheart Abby, I have arrived! I got in last evening and we drove to Sheffield after a lovely dinner in Manchester. Needless to say it's a tad bit colder here than where I'm from. It was 107 degrees Fahrenheit when I left Phoenix Arizona USA. I'd love meet a few of the crowd of BC if possible while here.8 weeks of chilly old England.

For your entertainment

In my never-ending quest to find things cool and awesome, I have discovered an amazing artist. If you're already familiar with her, yay! If not...

Her name is SJ Tucker, and her style is ... difficult to describe. Mythpunk, folk-rock, neopagan blues might be a good start, but she really defies category. The important thing is this: she is amazingly talented.

Magical Skirts

So, I'm a hormone-taking transsexual, but i'm very much a tomboy transsexual; a rarity i know but we exist. But my boyfriend is gender fluid (I use 'she' for her most of the time) and got me into a skirt.

These things have some kind of spell on them because I'm addicted to them now! AAH! What's next!?

Lesson Learned

I had hoped the posting of The English Courtesan, which is nothing more than a story about two people, separated by centuries, who are struggling to come to terms with the very different worlds they live in would be taken at its face value. That it is somehow managing to degenerate into analogy of modern day political and social issues and a platform for readers to voice their thoughts on them is unfortunate.

Sexual Assignment of Intersex Babies in the Early 1950's


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Does anyone know anything about the medical techniques used to assign sex to intersex babies in the early 1950's? I have more than a passing interest in this.

First let me get a few facts out in the open. I have never really felt like I was a woman in a man's body, but there have been a number of psychological, sexual, and health anomalies in my life. Here are just a few of them.

Any other suggestions?


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I've been heavily involved in some activism for T folk in the Mormon church for some time and it feels like I am dealing with an unchangeable monolith. Perhaps abandoning what I've been doing is best? Sometimes no matter how many unimpeachable facts you give it is not worth the struggle since their agenda is not what I thought it was. Any who would like further explanation, you may PM me.

Photos of Victorian Crossdressers / Transgender Women


The link below to the daily Mail shows some photos from the Victorian era of some notable and not so notable cross-dressers, female impersonators and possibly some transgender women as well, including perhaps the first post operative transsexual woman, Lili Elbe made famous in the upcoming film starring Eddie Redmayne as The Danish Girl.

Worth a look.

A very bad couple of hours



Yesterday, I was making a masterpiece of a mousetrap car for my physics class (I am in high school, and i know that it says +18 but I've been coming here since before that) and today i come home and decide to put on the finishing touches and test it. I finish the construction and test it once... The damn thing falls apart, so i try to fix it, but I keep burning myself on the hot glue gun. Then the lever to increase the leverage fails, which means more hot glue which results in more burns, i cut myself with the box cutter slightly, and it still won't stay together.

My day at the Oregon Coast Aquarium

My wife and I were on vacation last week on the Oregon Coast. I love her dearly. She struggles to accept and understand her feminine husband. It is with great effort that she lets herself be seen with me when I'm not masquerading as an average male.

Writing off

I wont be writing for awhile. RL is sucking and I need to put all my energy into keeping my head above water, so to speak. I wont be posting for two weeks at least at this point. To those few who were following my stories I'm sorry. I will get back to posting as soon as I can. Later all.

Compulsory Heterosexuality

When I started transition, my gatekeeper, and some people in my support group, both insisted I'd turn out straight. Well, I am lesbian. But I still have a lot of hang-ups from that. And I haven't read much about the men, but I've seen a lot of stories about womyn who turn out bi/pan or het, but not so much about womyn who turn out lesbian or ace. And I really want to say that no, just because someone transitions doesn't mean that they'll develop an attraction to other sexes/genders. Some do, some don't, and I wish it were easier for each group to find representation.

Found on FB. I thought it might be relevant to a few here.


This was posted on a group's timeline.

homosexuality and homophobia.jpg

The translation:

Homosexuality exists in 450 species of animals.
Homophobia in 2: a spider that lives at the Equator, and some idiots (*) who live in the Middle Ages.

Quite succinct, I feel.

(*) a politer word has been substituted for the original here.

One hundred forty-two

That is how many pieces of fiction I've posted to the site.

Of course, this is a bit selective. I skipped title pages, obviously, but I'm also not including things like the lyrics to the "Hollywood!" theme song (a story I still plan to write, one of these days,) the BC Chat Gaming posts (don't remember those? not surprising, nobody read them :P ) and similarly not-really-stories-but-in-the-stories-list-anyway bits. Likewise, it ALSO doesn't include blog entries or forum topics, both of which have seen short bits of fiction shared as well.

for those who struggle with suicidal thoughts

September is suicide prevention month, so if you guys dont mind, I would like to talk about suicide for a moment, specifically the first time I danced on the edge of killing myself. Those who are sensitive to this subject should probably skip this one

not sure


this is my first time trying to post a public question, so not sure who if anyone will see this.

I have just finished venus cursed by saless and noted that the latest post states that it will never be finished, my question is why will it never be finished?



I'm looking for someone who lives in and around London. This is not about a story. I need some information. So if you can PM me I will let you know what I need. Thank you

Skype is goofy today.

Well, as I expected, skype is weird today. Why did I expect things to happen to skype? Because Microcrap owns it now and has for awhile.

Now for a lot of you, you don't even use skype, this is no big deal. For me and those like me who depend on skype for outgoing calls and for conversations, it IS a big deal.

School is back


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Well... Im finally a junior, but it is bitter sweet. It means that I only have a couple more years with the few friends that I have. It will also mean that I will no longer be able to see my sister. My mom makes sure to remind me of that almost every day. Now that I am a junior, I am taking AP classes, which fills up my schedule. I am always in the dark as to what is happening to the chat room... I am taking two AP classes at the moment, AP English III and AP US History.

Why I love my church


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Well, I had the kind of day that reminds me of why its worth it to skip sleep and go to church on Sundays.

Not long after I arrived at the church, my knee decided to start hurting like crazy, which set off my PTSD. So one of the ladies went and got me some painkiller, sat me down in a comfortable chair, and held me for almost a half hour, stroking my hair and telling me I was safe.

I am very grateful for her, and for all the people there who tried to comfort me today.

Searching storie types


Since the demise of the category browser how do you go about searching out specific story categories?
I am finding it difficult to find some of the past stories that i don't remember the specific author or title
In the past you would simply access category browser and choose the subject or any of many categories to search what type of story you want

How in the current bc can you search specific story types without having to scroll down hundreds of titles to pick the few that meet you're criteria? ??


I've got you a new chapter up!

Sorry for the complete £$%! up last week but I was having a senior blonde moment!

Good news tho - Book 14 is almost 2 chapters long - I'm aiming to have at least 6 by next weekend but its pretty intense as its currently set in Japan so the research is taking up longer than the writing!

More next weekend.


Who Is Sylvia

When I first posted Who Is Sylvia nearly eight years ago, one thing bothered by about Sylvia's behavior. She had spent most of her life repressing her sexuality. She'd never had sex with a man, or woman for that matter; however, when she determined she loved Phil Esterhazy, she rather enthusiastically threw herself into the role of lover. I took it too far, and had her do things that no woman who had suffered the trauma she'd had would do right off the bat.

Doctor Who Series 9 (No Spoilers)

The opening episode of Doctor Who (S9) was aired on BBC tonight. It's entitled 'The Magician's Apprentice' and forms the first half of a two-part adventure.

My initial impression is that it's the best episode since Peter Capaldi took on the role. He seems to have lost the 'what the hell have I let myself in for?' body language that plagued so much of the previous series, and may - finally - be about to stamp his undoubted talent on the character.

A long overdue comment to all the authors of the Retcon Universe

i've been slowly working my way through all the Retcon Universe stories and one thing has struck me. Every one of the stories, no matter who wrote them, has been totally logical in the context of the premise. What a group of talents went into these tales!

So, with that said, I just wanted to thank each and every one of the authors who contributed their storytelling skills collectively instead of commenting on each and every story, which would take months at the rate that I type.

Feeling better


Blog About: 

I contacted Amazon, and I got a response very promptly. They have provided my account with a promotional credit in the amount of the bank charges, and their billing department will be investigating the issue. There is a possibility they may credit my bank account as well, but even if they don't I'm satisfied.

I'm excited


Wow, my son's group is in the Pride Parade this weekend in Las Vegas. They will be performing along the parade route and at several venues. They're called These Guys and Erik is the one that needs a haircut. Watch for them, they're really good, Arecee.

A question for fans of S E E / J o B

Hi all,

I am preparing the next few episodes in JoB and am getting #52 polished for posting, #53 is complete but at second draft stage, and #54 is halfway done.

#52 contains two diagrams (floor plans of the upper floors at the Community Hall) and #53 contains one.

My question:

If I post these with Earthly English writing, would that detract or distract from the 'ambiance'?

I could post them with just Anmarian Palarandi writing, but then you wouldn't understand them.

I could post them with both.

It's been a bad day


Blog About: 

To start with, my back hurts, and it's been this way for two weeks now, ever since I pulled a muscle during a not particularly violent sneeze. I've been applying a heating pad to it and that's been helping a lot, but it's still limiting how much I can do, and how long I can sit at the computer to write.

Alberta Catholic School board fights over trans rights

Is it time for Alberta to ditch the Catholic School Board?

That is the question that is being asked in the wake of a horrible display of immaturity by the Edmonton Catholic School Board Trustees at a meeting on Tuesday about how best to accommodate trans students. Supposed adults elected to the board yelled over each other, called each other names, and said horrible things about trans kids.

So now, we can hope that in the cold light of day people take some responsibility, show some maturity, and try a little kindness towards trans kids.

Blog Entry 16th September 2015- Everybody

Here's the song-

In the past I've posted images of all my characters, 3D 'portraits' I've used to help me visualise the people who inhabit my fictional worlds. Well... I've created a lot of them. Really a lot. Far too many to post on one page without severely restricting bandwidth. So I've hit on the idea of putting all my characters in one giant 'Rogues Gallery'. And here they are:

Problems with internet access

I've been having problems with my internet for ages and in despair decided to go to a new provider. My phone has apparently gone over but my broadband hasn't. It would appear that my old provider has stopped my internet access so I'm having to make do with my mobile device which is slower and sometimes unreliable. Hopefully this will all be sorted out next week some time, so if I seem to be noticeable by my absence you know why.

Angharad and >^^< x2.

La La Land


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So, I get up this morning feeling pretty good having slept pretty well. Then there is this story about a 14 year old boy getting arrested and cuffed for taking a homemade clock to school to show his teacher.

What? Seriously? Oh, forgot to tell you that he's Black! And he's one of them Muslims! He got arrested for making a what? A clock you say? Really? Gosh, I've been off my meds since 2008 and have been doing pretty well ...

Possible assistance to anyone hesitant here, or anyone ...

... wishing to improve their skills.

I stumbled across this article on another site, and offer it here.

I take no responsibility for the content.

Maybe it would make a good discussion base?

Happy reading ... and writing.


good news/bad news about my hip


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Well, yesterday I got a bit of bad news/good news about my hip.

I was helping Sharon get some stuff done for Samantha, and I complained about my hip. She brought me to her doctor, who got a copy of the x-ray I had done at the hospital. He told me there were signs of arthritis as well as bursitis in my hip, and he wanted me to go for an CT scan to see what else we could learn before deciding on a treatment.

But on the other hand, he didnt even blink when I told him I was transitioning - in fact he asked me which way I was going!

Site Advertising Help!


HELP !!!

I an asking any author / publisher who used BC's " Project Wonderful " advertising system who can help me get started getting ad's posted here on BC !

Erin as asked me to consider using the paid ad's here to help promote the ebooks we sell, but there are still things that confuse me.

I hope someone can help me !


Lies my depression tells me


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My depression is a liar.

Here are just a few of the lies it tells me.

1) I am a failure. - This is the one that hits me most often. My depression is always ready with a list of my failures, when the truth is as long as I am still trying, I havent failed yet.

2) The darkness is permanent. - When I in that state, its hard to remember there is always light ahead.

3) I am helpless. - Very much not true. I can do many things to help myself

Feedback needed: Not So Pretty

I still have no idea what a Taxonomy Upgrade Extra is.


So I read a lot, in fact it's not uncommon for me to have BC up in the background somewhere as I await responses from authors or posting of new stories i'm following or something neat to catch my eye. I've also read a fair bit of stories revolving around various universes: IE The Magic Returns, The Center, Whateley Academy and MORFS, Morpheus' Twisted Universe and others.

Trekkers, how many consider yourselves to be one?

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Taxonomy upgrade extras: 


Ok, I am trying to find out if we have any Trekkers here besides myself and Jennifer Cavazos. We are both members of a Facebook Closed Group of Transgender only Star Trek Fans. The two of us have been working with the Founder of the Group to build and crew our own Starship, the USS Jorgensen. I am the Chief Science Officer and was originally a Lt Commander and Jenn is our Chief Engineer. Because of the work we have been doing for our group, our Captain has also assigned me as the Ship's Second Officer with a promotion to Commander. Jenn also received a promotion to Commander as well.

Sincerest Apologies

I know you are all waiting for some new Gaby but blondeness got the better of me today.

It was my last sportive event of the year today, @2000m of climbing squeezed into 102km of riding including the steep Holme Moss climb. My mind was therefore not concentrating on collecting the drive with Gaby on it to post or other stuff I had intended doing this afternoon. I will try to get something posted one evening.

Files ! What to do, What to do?


I've finally lost my patience with the file arrangement on my computer. Had a HD crash three years ago and the rebuild is effing chaos! The HD is 1tb and has over 1000 Doc files in a half dozen random nested directories. I don't even know what lots of the files are.

This is like totally my own fault and if I had a husband, he would spank me and then make me fix it my own self.

The main concern is that while I move all these files around the disk might get so fragmented that it loses things.

"About Ray" a new movie about a FTM teenager (There is the trailer here)

After Ray decides to transition from female to male, Ray's mother, Maggie, must come to terms with the decision while tracking down Ray's biological father to get his legal consent.

Opens September 18th

Wearing men's clothing

Those of you who bother to read my blog on a semi regular basis, are aware that I don't wear men's clothes at all, except at work. That doesn't mean that I don't present a masculine image on occasion, such as church and family events. (Not all my family is aware of my trans nature.)

Transgender Children from The Guardian


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A sensitive article which tries to stay balanced, sadly some of the comments aren't. It must be very difficult treating children with gender issues. Well done the parents who do their best for their kids. I learned of one near here who's transitioned from FtM recently and his fellow pupils are supporting him. On the reverse I know of someone who is teen/early twenties who nearly went for surgery and has now apparently reverted to being a male again. It's a real minefield.

That Reminds Me

A thread about the need for a spell check before submitting stories reminded me of a learning experience.

I once read a story that was posted here and approached the author in a PM asking if she would like a private critique, to which she agreed. (What else could she say?)

I subsequently sent her five or six paragraphs of marvelous suggestions for "improving" her story.

She replied, "Or, I could sit on the beach with a glass of wine and enjoy life."

After over 7200 pages! My BoM story is Finally Done!

After two years and two months, to the day. I have finished my part of the story, Badasses Of the Multiverse.

Note counting outlines and notes.

The story is 7233 pages long. Over 2.8 million words long.

The largest story project I have ever worked on. And I finally finished my story.

I hope you enjoy reading my story, as much as I enjoy creating it.

Paul Cousins

Boy Meets Girl

"I never had a son. I had a daughter who came out a bit wrong."

'Boy Meets Girl' is a new BBC sitcom set in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. It's the first transgender themed comedy to be made in the UK, and features trans actress Rebecca Root in one of the lead roles. As far as I know, it has no connection to the recent movie of the same name.

Please at least spell check before submitting.

I am getting tired of seeing so much unreadable works published that can be greatly improved with a simple spell check. I request Erin, Cat, and Piper please add a spell checker to the posting pages for those directly entering to the site. Beyond that, most word processing programs also include a grammer checker as well. Editing the paragraph sized run-on sentences would be the other major improvement to works that are enjoyable to read. If you don't have MS Office, Open Office is free and works just as well.

At age three she said she was a girl


Some know immediately something went wrong in that stupid gender blender where boys come out as boys and girls come out as girls and..., hey! Someone read the card wrong. Thank God these people live in a place where they understood rather than waiting until she was eighteen and could take control of her life herself.

A day to remember

I know that today is a day to remember sadness, but just for a moment I would like to focus on some of the good things that happened 14 years ago today.

First, the bravery.

The firefighters who ran into a doomed building, the police who tried to get civilians to safety, the passengers of the 4th plane who attempted to re-take it and prevented it from hitting its target, there were a lot of people who were very brave that day.

Secondly, the kindness.

Creating Again !

It is with great joy that I can say that words are once again pouring out of my finger tips and I hope that what results will please my two fans. As I once did before, the story will have lots of Middle Eastern culture, a bit of religion, and lots of scientific research in it.

I'm trying to explain things that people don't know along the way. Some of it will force you to use Google if you really want to know. Yes, there is TG/Intersex content, and is Forced Fem to a very limited extent. As to the FF content, just remember "What you meant for evil, came out to my advantage". :)

Operating funds needed - update


Update 9/10 - about $2100 in bills and payments due over the next week. We've got about 1/3 of that in the bank after paying this week's amounts.

It's a new month and thanks to everyone who contributed money last month, we paid our bills and are now in the position of asking again for gifts and subscriptions to keep us going for another month.

Possible ask Jim Butcher

I belong to Goodreads due being a avoid reader. I got a chance to possibly ask him a question I sent the following question this is a spoiler from later books in the Dresden Files so read no further if you do not want spoilers:

beurocracy sucks -_-


Blog About: 

So I'm at the DMV giving my liscense another shot. Hopefully i get it this time. I'm REALLY nervous. Bht om a high note I've started on my next story and I think I'm going to continue "the hand we're dealt" j stopped writing it because I couldent figure out where to go next but I think I have a good direction now.

Here's The Enhanced:TRI - 35 and a short note

I'm posting Tri - 35 today as I am heading out on a ten day road trip to Nova Scotia, Canada and am not sure when I can post next. I will carry my baby netbook with me and WiFi permitting will post from the motels. enjoy Chapter 35 all!
Diana M. Howe, Moongoddess at Large

New Release on Amazon

Doppler Press is proud to announce the release of:


Congratulation to Katie Leone for releasing her 30th title. This is a humorous age regression story that contains hot erotica in it (between adults).


Never be crude when your potential mother-in-law is a witch.

Difference between "pig" and Wild Boar


Daddy raised pigs along with about everything else. Reading some of the posts about pigs everyone had their own unique experience with them four legged plows. At any given time dad would have over a thousand pigs. He said, "They smelled like money." He could triple the market price, for milo and wheat, by running it through the pigs as feed. Instead of selling his grain he recycled it through the pigs. I guess he did it right. He always received top market dollar for his pigs at the livestock auction.