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Some people say trust is earned and other say trust is given.I think that trust is a state of being between the people involved which comes from the interactions with the each other and others. In seeing trust as something which can be given or earned makes it more like a tangible commodity. That is if a person does certain actions I then it will automatically be given to by anyone. That once it is lost it is just repeat what you did to receive it in the first place to get it back.


Hope no one missed me too much. Some things have happened, and I needed to "get away" for awhile. I'll be on and off some, until I make my more permanent return sometime in the fall. My love to all.

Haylee V

PS: I'm looking for someone interesting who would like to be featured in a non-canonical Smoky Corners tale, like I have written for Dorothy Colleen, Joanne Barbarella, and AuPreviner. If anyone is interested, please send me a PM. The Daily Parables will resume when I am able to fully return to the site.

Cherry Moone

Cherry Moone is a series created back in 1996, when I was living with my in-laws.
The first chapter was completed at that tine and then left alone for a while.

Years later I wrote a screenplay that was originally called "Virtual Columbine"--which was about a group of guys who go on a real life game of "Quake" in their high school. One of the guys was an emotionally distraught high school drop-out by the name of Joshua Daniels.

Unseen handicaps can be so hard

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I think I have only mentioned this to a couple of people at Big Closet. But I'm deaf which is a challenge I use Amerivan Sign Language (ASL).I live in a foreign Country as well. My complaint or grouse is that people do not speak to me. They talk over me to my husband it's like I don't exist to them. What makes it worse is when he does the same. Although I have to say in his defense he's trying to protect me.

Thirty One Years.

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I can't believe that it was thirty one years ago today that I turned up in work in a two piece skirt outfit feeling incredibly nervous but also very committed to dealing with anything that happened that or subsequent days. the official grapevine had informed people what was going to happen and I must admit most of the comments I received were encouraging. I wasn't the first in the NHS to have transitioned, but in sleepy West Dorset, I was a bit of a novelty for a while.

Some facts about M.Y.T.H.

Just some facts about M.Y.T.H. school for those who want in:

M.Y.T.H. stands for Magical Youth Training House. The school would be in the north-west part of Montana - so near forest, but with farmland near too.

Cold in the winter, but the school probably has magic to keep the worst of the weather at bay.

Closest big name attraction would be Yellowstone park.

anyone want to join M.Y.T.H.?

I have just published the first chapter of "the secret of M.Y.T.H.", and I hope everybody likes it, but I hope other writers will want to join crazypagangirl and myself in playing in this sandbox.

If you have an idea you think might work, let me know, okay?

The Media News should change come Monday morning.

Well if we are lucky come Monday Morning all anyone around the water cooler will be talking about will be Game of Thrones, because the new season airs Sunday night.

I will welcome the break from everything else, sadly it will only last for 6-7 weeks then the season ends and it will meter out from there, since speculation for the final season will have to wait for next year.

Head, meet wall. Repeat

I've been going nuts this week. I had another chapter to River ready to post on Monday or so. Eric got it back to me on Friday. Unfortunately there was an electrical storm on Thursday night, and it blew up my computer. The repair guy says that the power supply was toast, and the components inside melted, although nothing serious was destroyed (like the hard disk).

Good Days and Bad

Monday was okay and yesterday was quite productive but today - well today has been less good. Its four weeks tomorrow that Mum died, four weeks ago today the last time I spoke with her, we just made the usual noises of goodbye, nothing different to thousands of times before, I somehow feel guilty for not saying more, a simple 'love you' or parent/child kiss. But that's not my family's way and I feel that I've been robbed of that intimacy, its not going down the same with #1, we are much more huggers.

anyone want to be a beta reader ?

I am looking for a beta reader for the first chapter of my sequel to "Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!".

I need someone who feels comfortable reading what I have so far, and making comments, suggestions, questions, or whatever that will help make the piece as good as it can be.

So, any takers?

Good News, Bad News :D

I'll start with the bad news first.

Whisper Pines is being a real SOB at the moment. I can not for the life of me figure out how to get myself out of the current hole I've written myself into. I'm sure I'm just over thinking it all and the solution will come to me eventually. I really like the story and I want to finish it, I owe it you guys to finish it :(.

Ok that's the bad news.

The good news is that just because I can't seem to write that, doesn't mean I'm done with writing.

Bootcamp was a bust

Well, the writer's "bootcamp" thing was a bust. it was all about writing self-help books, using said books to pass yourself off as an "expert" so you can get interviews, which leads to speaking fees and endorsements, which is where you make money, and they get their money from you in exchange for publishing your book.

So nothing that would be helpful for me, sadly.

Ah, well. At least I tried ...

Aggressively, we all defend the role we play

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Think of this question, who are you? In most situations the answer would be the person gives the name and the say I am and you can fill in the blank with: job title, mom, father, sister brother, lover, husband, teacher, student, wife,man/woman on the side, acquaintance, friend or best friend among many other.

No Bike tonight

Sorry folks, but I seem to befalling apart physically. The other night I awoke to a strange pain in my mouth only to find I'd chewed the side of my tongue--I don't recommend it. Then, on Thursday evening, Whizz took exception to me rubbing one of her feet and attacked me, or more precisely my right hand. I think she caught a tendon and it's swollen and sore but I don't think infected, however, typing isn't very easy. Finally, just to take my mind off my hand I seem to have sinusitis which is causing the whole side of my face to be very tender with occasional jabs of pain in my ear.

Update on The Waitress and apology for disappearing!


Hi everyone! I'm sorry for being away for so long, and not updating the Waitress!
At first I got really sick again, my immune system isn't very good, but while I was recovering I got a job! And got so anxious about it that I got sick again >.> Aha. My body sucks.

Deep depression


I need to get something off my chest. For the past three months I have been battling severe depression that has impacted me. I tried to use writing to get through it but the last three stories have fallen flat. Each story has hit him hard as they weren't well received and showed just how much I have angered and upset people since October. I have seen kudos and page views go down for everything I wrote and it's almost as if I don't exist anymore.

Well its been 2 years

Well its hard to believe but its been 2 years since I last put up anything concerning Mel Covington. I'm not sure if there is much of an interest still, or if others even remember what's she's going through, but I'm planning in the next few weeks to put up another chapter.

Philippa York to work as commentator on ITV4 TdF

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Who is Philippa York? Only one of the greatest British cyclists of all time in her previous life as Robert Millar, who has announced her new identity. I attach a link from the Guardian (where else?) with a supportive article for those who want to read it. My only comment, I hope you're as successful in your new life as you were in the old.

On the lighter side - High Heels and Ben Nevis

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It's always a question of suspending disbelief when a story's young heroine leaps into heels for the first time and performs flawlessly.

However I bet they've never tried to walk up a boulder strewn mountain. Even an idiot Brit wouldn't try that... right?



Finding the story about Abby (?).

I started reading a story yesterday that I thought had 10 or so chapters. Then the site went down, not complaining.

The story started with a pre-adolescent boy who had a friend who was a Cheerleader. When the boy got home from school on his birthday, his parents gave him presents of girl's clothing, jewelry, and make-up. The next day, he started attending school as a girl. Apparently he was the last one to get it, since the school administrators and many of those he knew already knew he should be a girl.

Not possible to leave comment for stories


Bru, read one of your stories, tried to leave a comment but this kept popping up instead

The form has become outdated. Copy any unsaved work in the form below and then reload this page.

Can't take you up in the gyrocopter as ours are single person aircraft. However knowing you are a "water person" I probably ought to invite you out to the lake when we take the Hobie Cat out. Rest assured you will NOT see me in a bathing suit! Past Tense! Ever "fly" over the water at 10 or 20 MPH?
Love your little quirky stories.

Have fun with life, it's too short to take seriously

To the readers of Journeys West

Some of you have expressed the desire for an epilogue to the story.

I'm afraid that there is no epilogue at this time. To make up for that, there are still two chapters of the story waiting to be posted. I hope that this will an acceptable consolation.

It's been a lot of fun writing this story and I am flattered that some of you have enjoyed it. I cannot tell you how good and how humbling that feels.

Thank you and lots of hugs,
Monica Rose and Marina Kelly

Gosh - hasn't time flown?

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I have had some kind messages, enquiring about things.

Thank you for worrying, but everything (well most things anyway) are fine. The sick one in my family is the car.

As you are probably aware, I am entering into a long drawn-out phase of moving from Switzerland back to the UK. This process is planned to take a year or so. I have found a flat in Tunbridge Wells and have agreed to rent that for at least a year. As I (we) had no credit history in the UK, then we had to pay an entire year up front!

unique opportunity this weekend

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I have been given an opportunity to participate in a writer's "bootcamp" this weekend. Even if I doubt very much I could make a living as an author, I want to at least try this bootcamp and see what happens.

Among other things, I am very nervous about what to wear. They said "business casual", but I dont really know what that means for a woman.

hugs and encouragement appreciated.


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This coming weekend sees the Manchester Sparkle event, written of by Bev Taff a few times. I will be there from Saturday afternoon as I will be working on one of their 'market stalls' all Sunday for my support network.

If anyone is about, stop by and say hello!

Fun Morning -_-

So I took my dog out this morning at about 2am. I let him out the back door and went to pee. Its our usual routine. By the time I'm done, he's usually done too. Today he took a little bit more time because he hadn't been out for a few hours what with the fireworks and all. I should have known something was wrong when he didn't come in right away. I had to go out and get him and everything seemed to be fine when I did. It wasn't until we got close to the house that I noticed he was severely foaming at the mouth. Of course my first instincts were to panic.

Person Event and Ideas

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There are three ways a person's writing is driven. They are also the three ways people view the world. When I say driven and view the world. I mean what is the most important part of the work or their perspective on the world. A work can be driven on a personal level, that is it is about individual people. A work can be driven on by events, that is it is about how something which happen. A work can be driven by ideas, that is it is about how concepts work in the world.

Oregon for the win!

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Ok, as some folks know, someone here in Oregon sued for the right to list their gender on their ID as "other". and they won.

Back in May or June it was announced that Oregon DMV was going to change the process and forms to allow anyone to do that.

I grabbed a copy of the "Change your Gender Designation" form back in June, but it hadn't been updated. eventually I'm going to upload it to my website as historical document.

The Reverse Test

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My mom always told me to think about how my actions would affect others. She wanted to make sure that I would switch places with the other person to see how they would take what I did. My mom also made it a point for me to also try to look at the situation from their point of view and not mine. It is simple and yet so many people do not even try to do so. I call this the reverse test.

Good m2f video

I've just watched a superb video on a m2f conversion made for TV at

It not only covers the special effects conversion, which is beyond most of our pockets, but also the ways in which females move and behave differently to males. It's 22 mins long, and well worth a watch.

NEW shadowsblade is here!

Just posted the latest chapter to Shadowsblade

Warning in this one Rohanna does a few not so nice things----

But in this one she faces that dark past again while doing her part in finals testing for the academy. Some small parts of her past are shown and other hidden gems!

The last chapter you all seemed to have liked, but nearly no comments? I was expecting that to happen, as the chapter was just her having fun---But there are a few Easter eggs in that section!

Now on to the Torturing of Drows!

51 years ago ...

51 years ago, in a tiny town in New Brunswick, I came into the world.

On one's birthday, I feel one should set time aside for gratitude, and I have a lot to be grateful for.

My family - my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, my ex, my daughter, my church, my friends, both near and far, my faith, and of course this place, without which I doubt I would have found the courage to try a transition.

Super big huggles to all!

Better things

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I am coming to the end of another book, and it is triggering all sorts of thoughts about my life. I went through transition some years ago, from a hairy rugby-playing 'bloke' with a beard to a plump woman with bobbed hair and a taste for print dresses. I went up to York a week ago, for what used to be the Cyclists' Touring Club's annual rally, and I rediscovered myself.

Now that wasn't expected!

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The cycling afficionados amongst you might well already know but history was made today in Düsseldorf.

In a totally unexpected result nearly man Geraint (G) Thomas won the opening TT stage of the TdeF by a hefty 5 seconds! The first Welsh rider to wear the Yellow Jersey he had to beat several TT world champions and indeed the recently crowned UK champion to get his Lion!

Whether by chance or design Team Sky placed 4 riders in the first ten ahead of all the other GC contenders some of whom lost more time today than Froomies winning margin last year!

High Heels in a Minefield



Life had been pretty simple for Ray. Eat, sleep, draw, and geek out over anime and manga with his small circle of friends. So when one of those friends suggested engaging in some cosplay for an upcoming Comicon as some of their favorite anime characters, it sounded like the perfect summer activity. That was until he found out just which character he was supposed to be.

What started as a fun idea quickly turned into a mixture of inner conflict and self-discovery that Ray had never known even existsed and served as the root for one of the most dramatic and uncertain changes in his young life. The question was, would this roller coaster be a fun-filled thrill-ride, or a complete derailment of everything in his life.

Now available on Amazon

Sorry, site won't allow me to post BIke

Either the site has had a sudden attack of good taste or it's still not quite right. I've tried twice to post the next thrilling installment but all I get is a notice saying the form is outdated and to refresh the page. Life is too short to piss about with puters, so I'll post it tomorrow.


The River flows again

I know that there are limited fans for my series River, but I feel I have let them down, missing several weeks as my retirement issues worked their way though the system. The good news is that I walked out of the college for the last time on Wednesday, and for the next month I am on holidays, with retirement kicking in on August 1.

Anyway, I just sent Chapter 20 to Eric, best editor on BC, and he sent me a note back saying he will get right on it. The upshot is that I will be posting a chapter before the end of the weekend, after he works his magic.

some better news from Yorkshire

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Well after the last couple of weeks I was in need of some good news and this morning I got some.

My consultant has cleared me to resume exercise with immediate effect so whilst i'm still on medication for the foreseeable I can start riding again, regaining some fitness and losing some of the weight i've put on - and inches around the waist!

If I could i'd be doing a Snoopy dance!


Where has the old site gone?


Has it gone walkabout?
Any chance of getting it back?

If there are changes being made then please, please, please tell us in advance and perhaps make a trial page so that we can see what is happening and comment on it.
The site as it stands today (08:28 Friday) has gone backwards a long way in terms of usability. If this stays then I'll be making far fewer visits.
Sorry for the bit of a rant but that is how I see it.

Will Today Be the Day?

For the last few years, I’ve waited with baited breath every time I’ve tried to open Big Closet.

As I wait . . . I ask myself, “Is today the day?

“Is today the day Erin’s financial woes will finally make life so miserable for her that she’ll give up.”

“Is today the day Erin has to umpire that one more contentious spat between site users that will push her over the edge?”

Story Style Failure


I tried to do something different with my newest story and it hasn't garnered the interest I thought it would. I thought a back and forth story taken from the point of view of antagonists would be a fresh take on things but I guess it's leaving too many with a bad taste in their mouths as my antagonists become nasterier. It doesn't help that being the snarky jerk that has grown to be disliked by quite a few and has caused a lot of people to stop reading my drivel. I can't change who I am but it seems like I can't change what I write either.

Thank You

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Yes, thank you to everyone who has offered condolences etc over the last fortnight since my mother passed away, it was very much appreciated.

We had the funeral this afternoon, a simple cremation as she wanted, the assembled mourners were largely family but also included many people from councillors to foster children whose lives she had touched.

I'm sure there will continue to be dark days but I think the darkest are past.

without being in torment, can I still write?

I am scared I might be done as a writer.

See, almost all of my writing came out of the struggles I have had with PTSD and my gender.

Now, I have just had the biggest success in dealing with my gender issues by getting my name legally changed, and I'm scared that without that struggle my muse has nothing to feed on anymore.

Do I need to be tormented to write?

And what do I do if my muse doesnt come back?

Sighs ... I could use some huggles ...



I recently (Tonight) ordered some material from 'AMAZING TRANSFORMATION COMICS but they did not deliver. They took my money but did not allow me to download the product. My advice to BC top shelfers is to avoid this site, it seems to be a rip off.

Awakening the Dragon: Knights of Death


The Civil War is in full swing and Maiha Nakatoma has her hands full. A cowardly act of violence will have far reach consequences and change the face of the war. One so vile that not even the Gods would dream of the Hell Spawned Demon it releases. A legend of nightmares from the past returns and a blade that has remain sheathed for centuries is drawn. Not even the Temple of Holy Light and Cardinal Richelieu could ever have dreamed of Awakening this Dragon from its long slumber.
Awakening the dragon Finale.jpg

Now available on amazon

what to do?

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It occurred to me yesterday that part of the reason people find bereavement so difficult is down to a lack of knowledge. Over the last couple of weeks we've come into contact with various agencies and I have to say they've all made things as easy as possible. However it's been a bit of a game of join the dots - take this, go there, ring this number - oh i'm not complaining but at times its not helped having to wait to see people because you need paper A to get paper B to get result C.

Hatbox Story Contributions Needed


This is different. :)

We're getting ready to launch a new and somewhat improved Hatbox as a repository of premium stories donated to us. For that, we'd like to have some new stories. I'm working on a couple myself. If you're interested in contributing stories to be read first as Hatbox Premiums, you can contact me or Cat Lochley via PM. Stories made available to Hatbox subscribers can later be published to BigCloset (for free) or DopplerPress (to earn royalties).

Erin and Cat

World Hacking site

I don't know how many of you know about this site, but since I'm in the Cyber-security. I find this site interesting to say the least. It shows real time hacking or cyber attacks and where they originate from and who is doing what. Check it out for yourself.

Don't worry its a safe site to visit.
Also if you want to try your hands at hacking something. This place is a safe place to use as well.

I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter Chapter 12: Faze


Four chapters remain with the next one entitled "Faze", taken from the same song.
The last


She's lying on her bed
Alone in the dark
Remembers what's said
Staring at the marks
She's into deep
Crying herself to sleep
There's not much I can do
She's too far away

She needs some space
And sometime to think
I hope it's a faze
She's so out of place
And it's all thanks to you

Plotting and writing

I have to apologize to those who offered to help me with my next story after I practically begged for help three weeks ago. I tried to think of what to ask about the story but didn't need an editor as many authors do. The stories I write are simply too ingrained in my mind that I have trouble explaining things properly and in a way that people can help with.

Footprints in the SeaVol. 3

Just when I thought I could take a couple of days off, Amazon have made Footprints in the Sea, Vol.3 The Enchanted Island live.
I wasn't expecting it until Wednesday. Now I'll have to get back to Volume 4 and cancel my plans for two evenings down the pub and do a proofing of the next chapter of Volume 3 and post that.

Thank you to all the people who gave me kudos and responded to my previous blog, I will be contacting you via PM later this week.

Next week I might go south and attend Charlotte's wedding.

Bye for now,

another hurdle

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I was expecting today to be tough but it's not been too bad. Registering Mum's death was straightforward enough, the finality of that act is only just sinking in.

But that has allowed us to sort out her finances, the banks have been really helpful, even the phone company sorted things in just a few minutes.

I spent a couple of hours last night writing my contribution to Thursday's service - that brought the tears back big style. I'm not up to reading it myself, I'm not a masochist, but I feel better that I'm making a contribution.

Hatbox: update last week of June


{update June 25}
We have about $150 in our accounts right now. As long as we don't hit another unexpected bill before the end of the week, we will be fine for another week or two. :)

I want everyone to understand something. BC's debts are my debts. All the borrowing done for BC is in accounts with my name on them. If we don't make it to the end of the week on what we have left in the accounts where we put the money BC brings in, the shortfall will come out of my personal accounts which are pretty thin right now too.

Chapter titles


"I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter" takes its title form the song "Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews
The chapter titles are from "Aselin Debison's album "Homeward Bound" (with the exception of "Stupid Things). No real reason, except that

Paper Airplane
Lie a Little
Too Far to Drive
Karen Anne
Can't We Just Dance
Learning to Fly
Stupid Things
Crying Shoulder
Had To Grow Up
Close to You--Newly posted...but still not complete.
Queen of Sorrow
Old Man Down
Homeward Bound

Misdirection! :-D


While I continue to struggle with advancing the three open tales I have on BCTS, I decided to stall for time and try to make a case that I was not in fact deceased.... (perhaps, at worst brain-dead ....or suffering from dormant muse syndrome) by posting something entirely different.

The good news is that it is self contained and should leave no reader with a case of "And then....?" syndrome.

Footprints in the Sea Volume 3

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My first blog entry on Top Hat.

I have posted the first chapter of Volume 3 of Footprints in the Sea on here and the full Volume will be on Amazon Kindle later in the week. I won't be posting the entire work here but I will post further sample chapters in sequence, probably as far as chapter 6.
I have continued the chapter numbers from where volume 2 ended which means chapter 1 of Vol 3 appears as Chapter 46.

What's normal?

So here I am, ten days after my world was turned inside out.

I'm still getting infuriated by my leg, still getting weepy for no apparent reason, still.......Yes, things are getting better, tomorrow should sort out most of the financial stuff and then its just getting through Thursday. I'm expecting to be a mess on Thursday in front of the relatives but sod 'em, we need to move on and if that means a good blub so be it.

Welcome to M.Y.T.H. school

Starting soon, Bonnie and Melody will be joining a group of teenage magical creatures at a brand new school:

The magical youth training house AKA: M.Y.T.H. School.

Mundanes who go near will see the school name as the Micheal Yosef Tomas-Howe alternative school

And I am opening the school up to other authors. If you have an idea for a magical creature story that could be set in the school, please let me know!

Cherry Moone


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Cherry Moone is a story I have been working on since 1996...and's still incomplete.

The story is about a family that lives on the outside of town and life. It is based on life at my former high school and a lot of the dialouge (the car trip to school in chapter one, for example) is almost verbatim.

BC Credit for Amazon Purchases

I followed the link and I think I lost the BC referral (tag=dopplerpress-20 in the URL) as soon as I left the "Books" section of Amazon. It stayed missing if I clicked "Best Sellers" and then clicked "Books" again. Does that mean that BC gets no commission if I search out a teapot (for instance) even though I entered via the link from BC?


Posting issues


Thought I would post to let everyone know why the final chapters of Enchanted Valley: Sentinel has not been posted yet.

At work we have switched over to our summer hours, which does give me a 3 day weekend all summer long, but also leaves me with no time during the 4 day work week for anything writing related.

Life imitates art

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UK boy students are literally "skirting the rules" as they wear skirts to school.

In protest against the "no shorts" policy in their school's dress code, 5 boys took it upon themselves to skirt the rules and appear in class wearing skirts borrowed from girls at the school. After being sent to isolation (detention in the US) for their legs being too hairy, they shaved their legs for the next go-around.

Next day, there were 50.

One hundred more are expected to follow suit, er, skirt, tomorrow as temperatures soar.

Ten Years of Bike

In terms of longevity, it seems my series on the trials and tribulations and occasional triumph of Cathy Watts, other wise known as Lady Cameron or the Dormouse Lady, has become something of a feature on BC, which I think readers only give kudos or make comments out of sympathy for the poor deluded author and her two cats - the fact that she talks to them (the cats--who else?) demonstrates beyond doubt that she's either barmy or a witch or even a barmy witch. In real life she's neither, or so deluded she doesn't notice.

Making a point about dress codes and hot weather.

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Two stories from the Guardian about boys or men wearing skirts to school or work when their dress code prohibited shorts.