TopShelf Blogs

This time - a genuine Tanya Allan book published on Amazon


After the hullabaloo of the last week, I am pleased to announce that a genuine Tanya Allan book has been added to the already bursting stable. FAST FORWARD WITH A TWIST is now available on Amazon

This is a Science Fiction novel of a real out of body experience... so out of body that he ends up in her body... a long way from home.

I will remind you all that should you be ever so nice and purchase this tome, then if you do it through this site, Big Closet gets a little remuneration.

Corporal Punishment.


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I've been reading some stuff on the net, stories and opinion pieces and my mind drifted back to what sometimes pops up here. So please, let me ask a question.

Would you spank a child?

Beyond that we see petticoat punishment being used around here in stories. But if you ran into something like this would you support it? Would you yourself use it?

My personal opinions.

No. For both.

News on Nick B

I need to tell you about Nick B.

He's had a bit of a mishap with a circular saw, which came very close to taking his thumb off. He's perfectly alright now, but he's been told in no uncertain terms not to do anything to a) keep his thumb safe and free from infection and b) to allow it to heal properly.

So all wood working is out (which is what got him in this pickle in the first place), as sadly is washing up, making the bed and his favourite pastime of cooking.

Warning signals


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in the aftermath of my meltdown, I have been able to work backwards and see the warning signs - in the week leading up to the attack, I had been dealing with a situation that had eroded my confidence and increased both my anxiety and depression.

Then I fell, breaking a towel bar in the process, went to work, and managed to last until I started having serious pain in my arm before I totally lost it.

Maybe knowing how this started can help me short circuit the next meltdown ...

Had Surgery today


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I just got home from surgery on my left leg that I broke last year , this is surgery number 4 . I had screws that needed to come out before they broke as it is it was causing a lot of pain by moving in the bone causing a hole to form.
I am OK but back to using a walker for awhile at least I am not in a wheelchair .

a quick update

RL has delayed my writing a bit this last few days - that and a vagrant muse, so the expected third arc of the new book may be delayed by a few days.

The good news is that I have plenty of writing time scheduled over the holiday period so with a bit of luck part 4 shouldn't! Be delayed by any significant amount!


The Wrong Side of the Bed


I ran into another unfinished story. Thought I was being careful and checked the date on the last chapter without looking at the end. Posted three years ago so it has to be a completed storyline. Negatory there Blue Leader, the author never tied the tail on it. A beautiful unique story, all warm and fuzzy. Excellent writing is a saving grace. But unless it was a teaser to get us to by the book my disappointment takes top tier.

Holly Woodlawn, star of Warhol's films dies.


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Holly Woodlawn has died aged 69. She was the subject of Lou Reed's Walk on the Wildside. I recall seeing her years ago in one of his films and can't say I remember much about it, but then avant-garde, is not a term I'd use to describe myself.

Thrill of Shopping with a Woman


So many stories on BC of shopping for women's things after the body switch, I thought a few graphics might be in order. Suck it up guys, you know that perfect little black dress is for YOU and we want to look drop dead gorgeously sexy in it. It isn't easy finding the perfect one. And the heels must accent not deflect the image we desire. And the earrings...., Okay, you get the idea. After a certain age dropping on a tee shirt and jean shorts is no longer an option to looking sexy. So we cover and leave enough to the imagination to set their minds on fire.

I guess we've seen the last of The Enhanced TRI.

It's been a couple of months since Moongoddess' last posting and I hope she's all right. I know what it's like to write oneself into a corner, or to have real life jump up and smack one in the face, limiting or even stopping a creative process.

Even though I know the story is complete (it's on Amazon and Kindle) My very limited financial resources prohibit me from ordering it on Amazon, and I don't have Kindle access so I'm gonna have to hope that: A. Moongoddess gets through whatever it is that's keeping her from communicating, and B. She can finish posting the story here.

Trying to keep my problems to myself


Well I'd hoped to,not write a blog about myself such as this.I pretty much keep my problems to myself but I think I owe the community an explanation as to why I haven't been writing as of late. I called it laziness but in reality I just haven't had the stamina to write. That being said I want to thank everyone for their kind words in the comment section of my stories. The reason for this loss of energy is congestive heart failure, I have it pretty bad. Tomorrow morning I will be admitted to the advanced cardiac clinic at Kaiser Hospital in Santa Clara, CA.

Misconceptions Reign

As some of you are aware, I have posted "A California Saga" on A good friend who worked for me in the Air Force more than thirty years ago has read all the stories (not from this site) and was quite complimentary. I guess she was one of my Beta Readers that included my daughter, wife's best friend, sister, and all you wonderful readers here at BCTS. The Saga now has it's own spot on Facebook where she was kind enough to write a very nice review. She is right of center as far as her religious leanings are. Here are her comments: "A stunning achievement!

Bridge of Spies

The latest Tom Hanks film, is a cracker. Set in the cold war period of 1957/8 it features the background of the negotiations to exchange Francis Gary Powers a downed U2 pilot and student Frederic Pryor for a Russian spy Col Rudolf Abel who was caught by the US while acting as a dead letter intermediary.

A new handle and things


Well I'm a bit early with my New Year resolutions and it's only a few weeks ...

The angers and insecurity I had when I changed my username is still there but one of the things I'm trying is to see things more positive so a handle based on a vengeful red masked female demon was a bit to negative.

Torekka69 still keeps with the japanese / asian theme. Torekka's meaning is the simpler part of my new handle. A translation would be wanderer / rover / traveler. As in the fact that we all travel to live with it's up's and downs. Preferably up.

This is going to sound like a stupid Question


Okay. This is going to sound like a stupid question.

Are there any side effects from taking testosterone blockers? Besides the obvious!

I mean like when you see a commercial on television for some medication, they list the most common serious side effects. That's what I'm after.



Can an idea or concept be too dark?

Warning: Wall-O-Text

So, can a story be too dark? You see, I read some stuff from Tigger and some other stories (I don't know why i like 'punishment' stories so much. They usualy make me sad. i guess i'm an emotional masochist) and i thought occured to me.

In stories where a rapist is punished, it's always some random person getting punished by by the victim/victim's family/victim's friends. But I then wondered, 'what if you know the rapist personally'?

Gender surgery animation


I just spotted this on the Daily Wail website, regarding an animation of the Gender reassignment surgery. Here is the link:

Apparently some men have problem uncrossing their legs after watching.

I wonder if Pixar would do a better animation.Also, who would they get for the voice over.

Love to All

Anne G.

May need a little help...


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So, I ran into a little bit of an issue, and I may need help resolving it, I checked the website by the way, I didn't see any sort of rules or anything forbidding this, but if I am breaking SOME kind of rule here mods, I'm sorry, I just don't know. If there's a proper way to do this, let me know please.

Mother's Child

I've had several inquiries about when the next chapter of Mother's Child will be available.

I'm working on it, but between helping my nephew move into his first home of his own, (Of course everything that could go wrong did. Ahh! the joys of home ownership!), the holidays, and a bad case of writer's block, it's been going slower than I had hoped. I'm shooting for late next week, but don't hold me to that.


Once again


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And again we see this crap in a rag magazine which puts us in the spotlight in a negative way. Why must these fools post such nonsense? Would it make any difference that Charlie got HIV from a heterosexual woman or a monkey or any other living creature; but no, this stuff gets splashed about and again makes our situation all about perversion and sex.

Good news! Bogus Book withdrawn by Amazon

After complaint registered, the book Eric becomes Evelyn has been withdrawn by Amazon. Either than or the B****** perpetrator has got frightened and withdrawn it before any investigation can be conducted.

This book is the same as Erin becomes Evelyn on this site. They have changed Erin to Eric and taken my name illegally to post it on Amazon.

From the Guardian


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Bettina Rheims best photograph of a transgender sex worker from the 1980s in Paris. Quite an interesting piece especially as it suggests that most of them are now probably dead, presumably from horrible diseases. It struck a chord with me because I transitioned about the same time. Things are so different now.

Oh, and it happens to be my birthday, today.




Dear Authors and Readers.
I missed something important during my night. Many years ago I asked what we could do to celebrate the third millionth contact to BCTS. And today when I connect I see that we have had more than 50 million contacts. I really want to rise a glass of celebration to all those that keep our loved place on the net. As a pure reader I can just thank all that brings the wonderful stories to us and most of all to the persons that keep the site running for all those years.

Ginnie Gidlund

Someone has stolen my name!

Some utter B****** has stolen my name and has published a book using TANYA ALLAN. If you have bought this book thinking I wrote it... refund it immediately and bad review it. It is called ERIC BECOMES EVELYN and is a rip-off... It is badly written by someone who is using my name to sell it.



Just a song before I go.......


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I bought Adele's new CD, "25", a few days ago and finally had an opportunity to listen all the way through it this evening. One particular song spoke to me - truly as I listened to the words of the song I felt it all the way to the depths of my soul.

If you haven't had the opportunity to do so, take the time to listen to "Million Years Ago" - it's track #8 on the CD.



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Ahh well, the last lung function test showed me having a 15% drop in airflow, this morning another test, yet a further 3% reduction.

I am able to exhale a maximum of 36% of every breath I inhale in 1 second. Yup, 64% of every breath gets trapped in my lungs according to the doctors. I can exhale the remaining 64%, but that takes another 20 seconds.

at 50, I should be exhaling 90% + of each breath in that first second.

Charmingly Feminine


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as i am sure many of you know, I'm immigrating to the United States. Well part of that process was that I collected my medical records and in it I found records from CAMH, which does gender identity therapy amongst other things. What I was delighted to discover were the notes taken by my psychiatrist and psychologist. THey found me 'charmingly feminine'.

It made me blush and beam in spite of myself, it was such a nice thing to read!

I don't know if this has any discussion value but I was so happy i wanted to share it.

When people justify the fear

A US Marine murdered a transgendered prostitute in The Philippines, and was found guilty and given 12 years in jail.

But what's heartbreaking for me is the number of people defending and even applauding this 'man's' actions. What they say you'd only think that a 2 dimensional Saturday morning cartoon villain would say.


Shelly (Shalimar) called me today to say that they did the surgery she spoke of and it was benign. There has been an issue with getting her body to heal that has kept her there for three months. She is not sure when she will be discharged.

She's in St. Vincent Seton Specialty Hospital in Indianapolis, IN. Phone 317-415-8500. I am sure she would appreciate your good wishes, prayers, duas, or what ever it is that you do.

Her number is 516-749-8481

Much peace



my most recent blog seems to have brought out a lot of anger and negativity that I did not intend. I suppose it was more of a rant than anything that ended up hurting some feelings it seems. I apologize to those whose feelings were hurt and i will strive to avoid it and watch my words in the future.

Just a quick thank you

Yes thank you to everyone who continues to read my scribbling, writers like to be read and you lot fulfill that need in buckets!

There aren't many comments posted but I take that as positive - there's no controversy or stuff that upsets people.

Would anyone be interested in a Christmas posting?


Forced Fem

I've been working on a new story for months. I've pushed and shoved the plot and characters through several massive rewrites. Nothing seems to work. I know it will find its way out of me at some point and the effort is the joy/

Along the line I started to think about forced feminization stories. Is it possible those of us who have struggled with being transgender have tried to put a face on our compulsion through these stories? I know that my feminine compulsion has been the single most consistent driving force in my life. Nothing else comes close to matching it.

Possible delay in Quoth the Raven


I'm trying to post chapters on Mondays and Thursdays.
At noon tomorrow I'm going to have a total left knee replacement. I'm not worried about it since I had the right knee replaced 15 years ago (the 9th surgery on that knee over 30 years) so I'm not unduly concerned about this surgery. I've lived alone since my wife passed away, but I had the fixed the house for handicap accessibility since she was virtually bedridden for 9 years. So now the house is set up fro easy movement and the refrigerator is well stocked. I expect to be released and home Thursday afternoon.

I am in tears and blown away

by this piece of music. Sometimes I wonder where we as a species are going and if there is any hope for us, or will we fade away like the dinosaurs and other extinct species.

This piece of music made my heart soar and the sheer beauty of it brought me to grateful tears of joy, for if we, as a species, can produce something this beautiful, surely there is hope for us. Turn up the volume and revel in the sheer power of this music.

Update on Katie in ICU


Felix, Katie's boyfriend, reports that they have the heart arrhythmia under control and the blood tests back so they can start fine-tuning the antibiotics. Katie's blood gases are better but that's after they put her on a breathing tube. Her kidneys are working so that's good. She spiked a temp yesterday and during it tried to get up and leave but they talked her back into bed.

Still very serious condition but the doctors believe they have things in hand and she should be getting better from here on.

Hugs to all and thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts,

It appears we are a soft target ...

So let's use 'transgender' as a way of redirecting awkward questions huh?? Or deflecting attention from something else??


Lost in text

Ugh, it's a universal constant that a good story sticks in your head. The problem is that sometimes the pertinent details don't stick around as well. Yanno, little things like author, which website, title, etc.. The bits that tend to make a difference in re-locating a particularly bright jewel.

Providing Services for Transgender Customers

A document from the UK government about the law as it stands for transgender customers and the requirements of the law to businesses providing services to them such as shops or banks. It's written in very simple language and shows that discrimination direct or otherwise is illegal against a person with a protected characteristic of gender reassignment, viz moi. (And there's me thinking I was just an ordinary woman these days - another illusion shattered).

Accidentally stumbled upon this interesting article...


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I was randomly browsing news articles and stumbled upon something that is still in early stages but was rather interesting in that they are looking into the possibilities of doing this. However finding a donor will most likely be very hard but it is still rather promising.

Katie Leone in the ICU


Katie was taken to the hospital last night with labored breathing, elevated heart rate and a high fever. She has bronchitis, pneumonia and even more alarming, septicemia (blood poisoning). I talked to her about an hour ago and she said she is likely to be in the hospiital for some time.

I'm sure she would appreciate the prayers and good thoughts of the community here at BigCloset where she has been a member for more than twelve years. She has promised to keep me posted and I also talked to her boyfriend. I'll blog an update now and then.

Hugs to all,

placing your books in bookstores

There may be an inside track for authors who wish to be published.
It won't be easy to get there and your story telling has to appeal to those as an intended target
Publishers Weekly
Chinese online retail giant Dangdang to open 1000 bookstores in 3 years | CRI

For those who already understand the ins and outs of publishing in paper format it will tough enough getting a foot in the door. Others who have only published via the web such as Amazon and like, a steep learning curve will be required.

Marriage Licences


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I have been trying to find my marriage licence for quite some time now. This is a required document for me to file for divorce and for me to legally change my name in the State of Massachusetts. Well, today I finally found my one and only copy of my Report and Certificate of Marriage USFK Form 164, (USFK REG 600-240).

Quick Writing Update

Just a quick update. While I continue to work on the next Christy story, I've also been writing a new story and toiling with the idea of combining my DRU vampire stories into one narrative, fleshing them out and expanding upon them.

I hope to get something new done and published soon :)

As I Age


1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.

Happy Thanksgiving to All


Yes, it is a US holiday, though a few other countries celebrate something similar on other dates but I think it is kind of a universal theme. We all need to take a moment out now and then to be thankful for what we have.

I'm thankful for the community we have here that stepped up and met our goals for the month with gifts. I'll update the Hatbox box later.

I'm thankful for lots of other things, too. I hope everyone has a lovely day. :)


Happy Thanksgiving to all

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my sisters (and brothers) here at BCTS. I pray that you all have many things to be thankful for. I know I do.

I have a loving wife of 48 years who, though she sometimes struggles with it, accepts me as I am. I have two daughters who know and still love me. I have two grandchildren who delight me. I have a job that meets my needs and I have no long term debt.

Life is good and God has surely blessed me.

Different kind of thanks.

Everyone has been saying thanks for family et al for Thanksgiving I'd rather give an atypical thank you here.

Part of my heritage is Irish/Celtic and I was never a big fan of the popularized aspects of Irish culture. That being said, Maggie Finson writing about Fey and the Sidhe by extension makes me truly proud to have such interesting folklore as part of my ancestry.
So thank you Mags for writing about Fey and the Faerie by extension. Additionally, I hope you are doing well my friend.

Thanksgiving here in the US......


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A very good friend just reminded me that I have much to be thankful for this year. She did that by taking the time to care about others, which is something that we as a people do too little of - and I am just as guilty as others of this.

Yes, I am constantly thinking of those that I care about; about those that I have loved and lost. I am reminded every day, with every breath I take, of those to whom I owe my very existence. I cannot wake in the morning without thinking of those wonderful young men to whom I owe my life, pitiful as it may seem at times.

"Love's Shame, Love's Salvation" Published on

It has been a busy week; however, I finally got "Love's Shame, Love's Salvation" published. Finding the right cover was difficult; however, what we finally found works perfectly. This is it, the end, La commedia è finite. I enjoyed writing the series very much, and it took me the best part of twelve years. Thank you Gwen Brown for discovering "The Heart of the Beholder" and telling Holly about it. She was such a big help, and she made me realize I could do more and get better. I don't know if I will write any more novels or not.

"Soaring With Eagles" Now on Amazon

Book Cover Golden Eagle.jpg

"Soaring With Eagles" is the seventh Volume of A California Saga. You might remember that there are two transgender characters in the novel. At least they were, but that was taken care of. If you read the stories before and enjoyed them, please go to Amazon and write a review. If you buy through BCTS, they will get a commission. Here's the link:


Seasonal care

Once again the seasons have changed. For me its now getting cold, for others its been that way. I do wish that all my brothers and sisters are taking care to protect themselves from the elements. Dress appropriately for the weather(you don't have to sacrifice style and taste to do so) and make very sure that you're also taking measures internally. Drink plenty of fluids, one can dehydrate quickly in winter just as well as summer. Teas, coffees, hot chocolates are nice but don't forget juices. Vitamin C and potassium are vital. slips and falls are frequent so Vitamin D is also important.

Problem with Chrystal Hall Whateley Academy site


Hi all,

I've been trying to get caught up on the Whateley Academy line of stories (not a trivial task) and, when I reached "To Be Merry and Escape From It All - Part 4" I received "The requested URL /merry7.htmlpart4 was not found on this server." I didn't find a link for someone to contact in case of problems on the Chrystal Hall site but I saw something there that seemed to indicate that I should post this problem here. If I'm missing something on the correct way to do this please let me know who I should contact.