TopShelf Blogs

A Curiosity

For some reason, one particular story of mine, "John's Living Nightmare" gets many times the hits of my other stories -- except for a story still listed on the Home Page. It doesn't get many times the Kudos. ("Bikini Beach: A Boy's Visit" comes closest to that.) Is there a particular reason?

Maybe it's not Bikini Beach?

Now I can separate the wood from the trees

For the first time in ages, I clicked on the Crossdressing genre to find a list of stories under that classification. The reason I don't do it too often is because doing that used to bring up every chapter of every story, all interspersed in chronological order - a complete jumble. Rarely did I happen upon a readable story.

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered?

Wondering what type of writer you are? Be it the first, third or narrative speaker?

As I look over the writings of various authors that I would like to emulate I find myself asking, 'What type of writer am I? Where does my writing style fit in?'

By this I mean my writing style. Not so much about the first or third person, but more of how I structure the sentences, the selection of certain words vs spreading out the meaning. How compact vs length.

Trazodone and Dementia


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I've heard some rumbling about the use of the drug Trazodone causing Dementia or even Alzheimer's disease and am exploring that issue now. I've tried to get off the drug and have only managed a reduced dosage. I do not wish to spend my last days in a stupor. So, if you take that sleep aid, perhaps you'd wish to speak to your GP?

Someone mentioned to me that I used to write prolifically. I've not written large stories since around 2011 and despite starting several, have not managed to finish any, except for short stories that were written in a day or two.

I was Effeminate Guy Who became a Woman


I was born a boy.We were two friends living in a rental house for our study
in a acollage for graduation course. I was 20 then,suffeing with inferiority
complex that I did not having my facial hair,no body hair.My face was growing
glammed like gily face with feminine bodyline.My figure was getting most
feminine and wih feminine curves.I never cut my hair,let it be grown to full
length. My chest was not flat,it was getting contour lines such as fleshy
breasts grown bigger visibly.Then,I decided to wear bra ,and panty. I gave

Hurrah for Caitlyn

It’s quite possible many of you are quite a bit younger than me. I’m the same age as Caitlyn Jenner and feel compelled to make a statement.

As a young athlete she was truly amazing. She was a American football player who became injured and had to switch sports. She made herself into a terrific athlete by putting in eight to tem hours a day in training. She supported herself during this time selling insurance at night.

One of our very own really needs our thoughts and prayers...


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Hi all, I have just found out from Dottie that Jacilyn's (Tels) Stepmother has passed away, and as if this wasn't bad enough her Father has had a minor heart attack! So please if you all can, please sent as many good thoughts and prayers Jacilyn's way during this troubling time for her! I'm sure they will be greatly appreciated! Loving Hugs, Talia

Been rereading Bonkers

Or Totally Insane as the story title says. It's one of my favourites and as I consider it suitable for teenaged or possibly younger audiences, I intend to publish it eventually with them in mind. However, before I do so I wondered if readers here would like one more episode?

Depending upon the response I may well write one in the near future.


Some one gets it and so sweetly

My mind is totally blown, my eyeballs are sweating and my heart is filled to bursting. I have just gotten lost in the most incredible movie. I would strongly encourage everyone who wants a deeper understanding to go on Netflix and watch "Boy meets Girl". Then let me know what you think.

Caitlyn Jenner hoopla

Is anyone else wondering why Caitlin Jenner is getting all these kudos for coming out and identifying as transsexual?

Where were the kudos when we came out? We were doing it for decades before her!

Am I jealous? You betcha. Being bitchy about it too.

This pat on the head feels to me like a slap in the face!


okay, I think I might be crazy


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I am not sure, but I think I may be losing my mind.

now before you get yourselves upset by that statement, let me explain, as best I can.

See, for the last couple of months, every once in a while I have had a sensation that either means I'm becoming delusional because I read too many comic books, or a sign that something very weird is happening to me.

Transgender in Nature

Like many of us, I knew I was different from a very early age, and years later would find out that I was different. In this Youtube Video, pay close attention to the habits of the Flatworm, and the Clown Fish. Both spontaneously change gender. , 10 Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals.

I do hope that you can see the video without difficulty.

Blog Entry 1st June 2015- Naughty but Nikki

[Note: some spoilers for chapter 14 of Nikki's story in this blog post]

My last-but-one blog post was a barely concealed whine about the first story I wrote on here, so I feel it's only fair I write one about my second story on here- a story that is considerably more popular (here's hoping this blog entry doesn't get interpreted as a boast...).

under repair, please be patient


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you know, when I first went for help about my abuse, I really didn't expect much. I hoped I would figure out if there was a connection between my abuse and my gender issues, and maybe I'd learn how to cope a little better, but that was all. Same thing was true when I first started thinking about transition - I fully expected that I'd hit a brick wall, and have to settle for being Dorothy online only.

Just when I think I can be comfortable

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A letter to a supervisor in the pharmacy at Walmart. I have to write a similar one about a Gulf gas station employee soon.

Dear Sir,

I had an unfortunate encounter with a pharmacist named *snip* at 5:15PM, Sunday, 5/31/2015. I left very distressed and upset.

I am a transgendered person. 31% of untreated transgender people successfully commit suicide before seeking help, and of those who try to address the issue 42% will attempt suicide at a later date. We are a very vulnerable population.

I read an article this morning.....


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I read an article this morning about Joe Biden, the sitting Vice President of the United States. Up until now, I have never really Paid much attention to him - the office of VP is pretty much a non-entity in our political system, a place holder to garner a few more votes on a presidential ticket, a place to dump a political rival safely, or a way to reward a political soldier. It is quite often a political dead-end.

Blocks and ADD

It seems I have a case of writers block for my main 2 stories. Jessie's Ride and Turning 16 seems stuck between chapter 5-6. While my muse seems to have ADD inspiring When tales come true. I am trying to finish the first two but find my mind wondering to the third. I will add to Jessie's ride and Turning 16 as I can I hope thous that liked the stories will be patient with me.

Editor for Felicia's Second Life


Hi all,

Just as you noticed, I've posted a new story titled Felicia's Second Life. To cut long story short, I will need someone to proofread this story. I'm writing it on my tablet and I'm afraid sometimes I was writing it in a rush that I didn't notice that I made grammatical errors. So, I need someone to proofread my grammar.

Thank you, and an apology for the delay of "Amie and Jamie"

I am overwhelmed by the number of reads of the first 3 chapters of "Amie and Jamie". The next chapter has been delay for a number of reasons. First, I work seasonally and it's that season. I score elementary and high school tests online at home for a company called "Pearson Education". Secondly, it's also allergy season, so I sit sneezing on my laptop as I score the students responses. At least I'm not handling their actual papers. Third, my daughter, who is only 39, has degenerative osteoarthritis in her vertebrae.

Random Authors list , check it out

last weekend there was a post about no stories being posted . Everyday on the right hand side of the home page scroll down and there is a random authors list . I check this everyday and there are some very good older stories and some 1 time only stories that are very good reading , so someone goes to the effort to post them and we need to give them a look see.

Battle For Earth Delay

Just a note for folks who are anticipating the next episode of Battle For Earth, I have some changes I want to make to said part which due to a plumbing disaster and an all around busy week haven't gotten done. As such I'm a bit tired and burnt out. I'm pretty sure the delay will be less than a week, but probably more than a few days unless I find the time (or inclination) to revise it today.

Everyone have a delightfully demented day,


New universe coming soon


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Well its been a few years since I wrote something. Had a nap earlier and thought of a new universe. It will be called the Cromag universe. Parts will be coming as and when I write them and get Karen and another person to proof them, I may post a bit of it later on to see what people think.

If anyone else wishes to write in this universe they can do.


3 years and 12 months

So according to my account info, I've been here for well, we can call it 4 years. So in celebration of this, maybe I can get Through the years moving again. I have been lacking in getting any writing done and I really want to at least get Tracy and Hope's ranch back on track. So in the next few days, I may post three stories, one from each (Through the years, Hope's Ranch and the life and times of Mackenzie Somerset, mostly because I have a lot of plans for Mackenzie too

So cross your fingers and maybe I can get the time and drive to do this.

Has anyone stopped Estrogen?


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I've been on Estrogen for 12 years now. I might stop taking it for personal reasons. I know that Osteoporosis is one of the risks, but are there others? After this long, I will not lose my breasts. I doubt that my disposition will change much, though I plan to continue living as a woman.


My Life


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Thanks to my dear sister of the heart, Cathy most everyone knows I had open heart surgery last week. To make a long story short, I recognized the symtoms and got help. Everything went well, and now I'm recovering. To make that easier I now have a new recliner and bed. Unfortunately, the old stuff went into my office where I can't reach anything except for my old laptop. Even that is too heavy for me to move given my post surgery restrictions.

So I'm not going to online much until we can solve this particular problem.

Book Format

For those of you that read Whispers from the Void, I have a formatting question for you. I'm thinking about the pace of the story, and I realize that after the big battle at the end of Part 1, The story becomes a long journey, and some of that moves a bit more slowly. Right now, the chapters run chronologically for the most part. If I restructure it, It would break up the slower middle part and look like this:

Blog Entry 28th May 2015- Loving La Ballerina

Long before I started writing, I found myself obsessed with all things feminine (who hasn't, eh?). I had several obsessions, which were added to over the years (and subsequently written about here on BC)- school uniforms, the classic skirt suit of a secretary or a receptionist, french maids, playboy bunnies, air stewardesses... But for me, the epitome of femininity was the ballerina.

sometimes, you got to feel the feel


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I had an experiance at work last night that I want to share, but I'm struggling to find the right words.

So bear with me ...

It started with me struggling with my PTSD before work. I was already shaky and not doing well by the time I had to go to work, and the awful feeling continued to build as my shift went on. Finally, frustrated, I asked myself "Just what am I feeling?"

The answer came back "Grief. Grief for what was lost."

Finally, in desperation, I decided to simply let myself grieve for a bit for what was taken from me.

It occurred to me today.......


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It occurred to me today that I have been selfish, or perhaps self-centered of late. I know that for many of us it is easy to get mired in our own issues and fail to account for those outside of our little world, but I have always tried not to do so. I have failed of late.

Several things that have happened, as well as several stories and/or comments that I have read over the past 24 hours made me realize just how introverted I had become.

Hatbox Funds Needed Near the End of the Month


Thanks to everyone who has contributed, seriously, we could not do this without you.

We still have close to $1200 in bills to pay in the next week or so and about $400 in the bank. We had an unexpected bill for close to $700 show up and caught us short.

As usual the links to the Hatbox page and the Janglewood page can also be found in the right hand column under the picture of the kitty.


New Kindles from Karin!

Two new Kindle ebooks are available at Amazon: Connections and The Pact. Both were originally posted here at BCTS, but have been revised and expanded. Connections has several chapters' worth added, but The Pact is nearly twice as long—over 90,000 words!

An encouraging retrospective on the journey from real life


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I was trawling through my hard drive this evening (yes… I know… utterly boring… until I reread what I had written).

Just over four years ago I started my journey to acceptance and transition. Rereading what I wrote then made me think… it might be useful to someone on the path. So here it is.

An Epiphany on the Journey – 13th October 2011

gaby book 12 chapter die ersten!

So as one or several of you asked nicely I've posted the next Gaby chapter today, the first from Book 12.

Its also been pointed out that people are having issues finding stuff on Lulu after they changed some settings so if you go to you can access all of the stuff I have on Lulu.


As far as I know, Grover is home.

I haven't heard from Paula in a few days, but when last we talked, she expected to have Grover back home by yesterday, barring any unforseen complications.

I am SO relieved toknow that my dear friend, my sister, has come through this trying time and will be home with Paula where he can rest and recuperate. Thank you God.

Catherine Linda Michel

Is it just with my mobile devices?

Some weeks ago all of the non-ASCII characters on all of my mobile devices became broken. I mean umlauts, French and German accents, and German specific letters.
Just going through Maddy Bell's Nena stories once again and all of the non-ASCII characters {which are numerous as all of the action takes place outside of USA) are displayed as 2 or 3 unicode characters.

I need help finding a story, please

I am trying to find a story, and my brain is farting on the name. It involved a Batman-like superhero who could teleport in shadows who gets turned into a girl only to have it revealed he was always trans on the inside.

Loved it, loved the humor, the feels, but I cant remember the name, or the author, or if she will ever finish the story


Sacred Feces!!!

As many of you might know by now, an astounding and miraculous event has occurred in my country. It is the most important event to occur since 1937 in the 'young' history of where I live. The people of the Republic of Ireland have voted for an amendment to the constitution allowing people of the same sex to get married.

Blog Entry 24th May 2015- Everybody Doesn't Love Charlotte?

The first story I ever wrote on BC was Charlotte- which came from an idea I had for a TG story where a boy wakes up one day as a girl, and along the way discovers that life as a girl has its own set of advantages that are much better than his previous life as a boy. The story has since expanded fairly dramatically- part 10 of the story even saw the protagonist undergo SRS- but it has always remained one of my least popular stories here on BC.

I made my boss tear up today

Well, I managed to make my boss tear up today.

See, I had my poem "Dear God" published in a free newspaper my church gives out, and to celebrate, I took a copy to my work and showed the store manager the poem.

She teared up, and asked if she could hug me ...

In honor of this achievement, I am going to post a link to the poem below:

Land of my Heart

I just finished reading LAND OF MY HEART BY Browen Welsh . I feel the need to post that if you have not read this story you need to give it a look .
The story starts with a young boy in Britain called "A Foreign Country" and the adventures there in to becoming a 50's Woman in the Australian out back .
VERY GOOD READ but you must start at the first story. KUDOS to Author .
Hugs to all Richie2

Bikini Beach: Of Hopes and Dreams.

For those that are interested I have reposted my story Bikini Beach: Of Hopes and Dreams, of Friendships lost.

This, for me was a major revision of corrections, a few additions and hopefully better writing.

So if interested take a look see. I hope to have the other half edited and done soon.

Link: Bikini Beach: Of Hopes and Dreams, of Friendships Lost Part 1 of 2



more good news from Canada!


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Two pieces of good news from Canada!

First, Parlament passes a bill to protect trans people:

Second, the Canadian Football league now has its first openly gay player:

People just make me shake my head sometimes


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So the other day I was talking the GM of my McDonald's I am a shift manager at the McDonald's that I work in. I was pointing out that the toys that we have at this time are the most split that we have ever had. ((Skylanders//My little pet shop.)) They are the most that I have seen girls asking for the boy's toy and boy's asking for the girl's toy granted in some ways these toys are gender neutral though little pet shop is geared to girls boys little animals as well. And skylanders is for both boys and girls.

A slight personal victory and a goodbye


I don't know whether it is the weight or the constant attacks, but I've become quite the recluse. I hardly go out. I save the shopping for Felix, I don't to church any more, and I almost didn't go to the doctor's yesterday because the thought of someone seeing me made me a bit mental.

Swyre Syndrome or XY gonadal dysgenesis


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It's frequently a fantasy of transgender readers to imagine what it would be like to be inter-sexed or androgen insensitive or some other unusual genetic manifestation. On today's Guardian website is an account of a woman who suffers with Swyre Syndrome or XY gonadal dysgenesis which has caused her problems much of her life.

victory in Edmonton for trans girl


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Well, its been an interesting week for trans people here in Edmonton, as the news has been full of stories about a young trans girl who was being denied the right to use the girl's washrooms at school. Since the school is run by the Catholic church, who aren't big fans of us, it seemed that they were going to force the girl's parents to take them to the Human Rights court, a process that would take years. But one of the trustees for the school district spoke out against the policy, and now the school has backed down, meaning the girl will be allowed to use the girl's washrooms.

Has any one heard from Sarah UK?

Hello this fish029:
I am not big poster. I love the reading stories more, here on BigCloset they are some many excellent stories and universes to read here about. I am worried about Sarah UK. Has any one herd from Sarah UK? Is that she ok or has she stop writing. If she stop writing it sad to hear that.

Grover's Hospital Adventures

The following is Grover's Adventures in Hospital Land thus far:

Tuesday, May 19:
Grover finished walking the dog at around 10:30 AM, and had some shoulder pain. Thinking it was just muscle pain due to weather changes, he took some Tylenol. However, the pain did not go away after 30 minutes and his fingertips started feeling numb.

Grover's Hospital Adventures

The following is Grover's Adventures in Hospital Land thus far: Tuesday, May 19: Grover finished walking the dog at around 10:30 AM, and had some shoulder pain. Thinking it was just muscle pain due to weather changes, he took some Tylenol. However, the pain did not go away after 30 minutes and his fingertips started feeling numb. !--break-- He called me at work, and said he might need to go the ER, but didn't want to interrupt my workday. What a silly goose. I immediately left and took him to the nearest ER, where we waited for about two hours for him to be seen.

Girl Scouts do Good for Trans-Girl

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Another Anti-Lgbt organatization has started hating on people.
The American-Family-Association(AFA), is a little late joining on the dissing of Trans-girl in scouts, and they want them out.

But, there is serious good news, the GSA (Girl Scouts of America) instantly defend the Trans-Girls, as both belonging and girl that just have to take a more unique path, that scouting can help them with.

Bless 'em all.


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From the Guardian a story about how one parish convinced a diocese to put a proposal to the General Synod of the Church of England about renaming ceremonies for transgender Christians. While I'm unlikely to consider it as an unbeliever, I welcome what looks like the slightest movement of progress for those who do, and I wish Blackburn Diocese good luck with their motion.

Grover is scheduled for surgery today.

Grover's wife, Paula, just called to update me on his condition. He seems in good spirits although weak and, of course, being bored in the hospital and unable to access the internet since the hospital appaarently will not allow contact with Top Shelf.

She told me how much all your good wishes/prayers/good vibes mean to them both. She said that you can contact them through their facebook pages. I will, of course, continue to be a go-between, keeping you all informed on Grover's surgery and progress back to health.

TED video - My daughter my wife our robot and the quest for immortality

There's an interesting TED video given by Martine Rothblatt which talks partly about her transition at Ted talks click here.

However, there's a whole lot more about how she moved from being a satellite communication engineer to form a medical company to keep alive her daughter who has a life-threatening illness, and about digitally saving our minds so we can be reborn at some time in the future!

For those that don't know of them, TED stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design, and the website contains videos of well-presented lectures on all kind of fascinating subjects.

discovering gender conditions that I never knew exist and yet I might actually have.


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So, I was listening to a podcast from the new NPR series, "Invisibilia" and on one episode they describe a condition which causes a the sufferer to mentally switch genders at whim. They even interview a Trans person who initially suffers from it and they are repulsed by the body in the mirror after a shower to the point of nausea, because it did not match who they are mentally at that time.

They actually start to transition to make themselves more androgynous, only to find their switch stops flipping and they seem 'Locked' into their new gender and finish the transition.

Taking paracetamol in pregnancy may harm male foetuses


Recent research from Edinburgh University suggests that use of paracetamol (acetaminophen) in pregnancy may lead to reproductive problems in male foetuses by affecting testosterone levels causing such things as undescended testes.

OK, I'd Forgotten


what writing like this was for me.

Crap! Sit down at the laptop and a couple of hours later 5 or 6 thousand words come out!

It's cool and all, and it is the way the first 10 chapters came into being, but damn it's tiring.

But that has my draft of Chapter 16 done. Now to go back and edit it all.

But, glad to see my muse has returned for a while.

Today was my first day at my new job!


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Crazy times have been had the last few weeks, but I am now employed again!

I'm back at Wal Mart, though this time in Mountain View rather than Heber Springs. The upshot is that it's less than 5 minutes' drive or 15 or so walking away from my aunt's, where I'm now staying, so gas costs are no longer an issue at all. I'll also be making more an hour than I ever have before, AND working a relatively stable schedule since I'm an "IMS Associate," from 10 PM to 7 AM.

So, yayness! Money! Progress! WOOO!

Melanie E.

Worst nightmare.

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Well, it finally happened. My worst nightmare. As I have proudly proclaimed for a while. I'm quite confident in being out and about in my neighborhood and around town.

Tuesday, week before last, I was sent to get birdseed (and some other things) at Bi-mart after work. This time, I opted to stop by the house and change into appropriate clothing and not appear there in my overly masculine work uniform.

Grover is in Hospital.

Grover's wife just called me and told me that Grover is in hospital and will be undergoing triple bypass surgery within the next day or two.

Let's all take a moment and send good thoughts, vibes and/or prayers for one of the most prolific and imaginative writers out there.

My prayers have already gone out and will continue to do so until Grover, my friend, my sister, is past this crisis. Lots of hugs to Understanding Wife, Grover's wife as well.

Catherine Linda Michel



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Sweet flying spaghetti monster, I thought I'd never have to deal with this again. Especially not from one of our own.

As I was making my way home from my monthly transgender support group meeting, I ended up behind someone obviously transgender herself--someone vaguely familiar.

It turns out she lives in the same apartment complex I do. After years of being the only transgender tenant, apparently I have company.

My Nice Kids


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This past Sunday we went and met my boys for a lunch for Mothers Day / Fathers Day . My younger son paid for the lunch and then a nice surprise from my older son . He went to the Seminole Casino the week before and won $3000.00 at the back rack table so as we where leaving to go home he handed me some money folded with a $100.00 bill on the outside with 4 more on the inside very nice to get $500.00 for mom day and dad day. He has done this before we he wins big , he is a CPA and is ahead of the casino's with the winnings .

Please help. I don't know what to do now


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I finally did it. I acquired pure capsaicin crystals. And I then tried them. Not straight mind you. You can actually put all the pure capsaicin crystals you want in your mouth. They're not water soluble and require a fat or oil to dissolve so saliva won't work. The stuff came with a tiny bottle of glycerine which I did mix them into and try.

Not as hot as I thought it would be. The previous highest scoville unit thing I had was this 4.4 million sauce. The 16 mil is hotter, but it doesn't seem by much.

Best Dressed at the 2015 Met Gala


Some of the ladies thought it was Halloween??? I swear some of those outfits made me physically shudder. Only way I would ever be caught in many of those dresses I looked at was if I was dead. Has everyone forgot what class is or is shock the new normal? Looking at a few of the ladies caught in the background I saw many who still had the idea what a woman should wear to an evening event.

Story update & bio

It;s been a few days since I posted a new chapter for either of my ladies. I'm afraid I've hit a block with Gains that needs a rethink but I had no desire to write over the weekend. Hopefully a new Testing Times will hit the news stand on Tuesday (that's today if you're East of the Meridian)

Be my guest - enjoy a rant.


Another article from the Guardian about guns. Everyone, should by now, know how opposed I am to them but there are some interesting statistics, especially the increased risk of injury or death to women if guns are kept in the home.

For those interested:

Please keep the responses civil.

A small treat for Unreachable fans

Since I am posting Worth Fighting For, I figured that enough time has gone by that a repost of Unreachable might be a good idea to remind everyone where Desiree has come from. So, for the duration (and as long as no one alerts Amazon) I will make Unreachable and Reaching Home available to everyone (without posting chapter by chapter). I hope people will enjoy and I still wouldn't mind if people posted reviews on Amazon for me (I'd like to hit 100 reviews).

So, while you still can (most likely a month), enjoy one of my better received works.

Another lap around the sun


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As those of you who engage in the Great Waste Of Time known as Facebook may already be aware, today marks my completion of another lap around the sun - not that I feel any different to yesterday or appreciably older. Just an ordinary day at work attempting to make sense of a pile of social care data, hoping to massage it into shape by the end of the week ready for the annual government return.