While looking through things, and seeing some criticism about the fact, I notice that I am inconsistent on replying to comments and feedback. Some authors make it a habit of replying to every comment they get, I am more picky and choosy.

I have two cats. They are both tabby cats with bushy tails that like to collect things likes stickers and twigs and maybe even small gnomes that aren't fast enough to get away. I got these cats shortly after I got my house because I didn't want to be alone and I knew if I fed them that they would love me unconditionally (on the condition I feed them, so maybe not so unconditionally).

When I was 3, a teenage boy that was living in my uncle's house pulled down my underwear and ejaculated on me (though in my memory I remember it as him peeing on me, I think that's because at 3 that's the only liquid I thought came from there). At that moment I was a victim.

When I was 10, my cousin sexually molested me, causing me to perform oral sex on him, having him penetrate me anally, and finishing off with ejaculating in my mouth (which caused me to run out of the room, into the bathroom and vomiting). At that moment I was a victim.

For a lark, I went on Fictionmania and looked up my first story. I didn't read it, but I read the comments. I had written something magical, that had really touched people, and it made me feel good about myself that I could connect with people.

First of, and this is important, I AM NOT SUICIDAL!!!

I went to a transgender support group the other day (Tuesday) which is a good step for me. It was the second group I've attended and this one is somewhat close to my house.

An interesting comment came up, even though no one made an issue about it, and it got me thinking.

Does one need to dress in female clothing to be considered Trans? I myself only own one dress and two bras and have yet to have opportunity or desire to wear the dress out (partly because of a hairy back... okay, mainly because of a hairy back)

I know everyone loves putting up stories and getting comments and input. But with over 12 new stories available a night that always leaves other author's stuff to be further pushed down the page and possibly unread. I have talked to Erin about this, but wonder what others think; I wonder, in the sake of fairness, we limit postings of new stories to one per day per author. This would allow others to stay near the top of the page longer and give readers time to get acquainted to lesser known authors.

A minor rant:

Do children know how to be bored and occupy themselves any more? I think the answer is no. They are always connected to something. In the car they get DVD players. When shopping with mom they have handheld video games. Waiting at the hospital they have laptops. In school they have Ipads. We are raising a generation that is not going to know how to be creative. Maybe that's why every movie from the 80s is being remade.

If you have been following my blog for any length of time and got around all the episodes of drama, you would've seen that I had started gender counseling about 6 weeks ago. The reason for this was quite simple, I want to know if I am really Transgender, or if it was just some flight of fantasy that let me write some interesting story and gave me masturbatory fodder.

I would like to say my job keeps me from being social... you know, delivering papers all alone at the wee hours of the morning and then sleeping during the day. But, the truth is, I generally don't like people and feel awkward in social situations.

If anyone remembers the Rodney Dangerfield flick you know the reference. But I thought it was appropriate to post here and no one else had.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/keeling-...

I actually plan on being at this event, not sure if that's a selling point or not. But I figured I would post it so all could see. Hope to see some there.

As many may know, I have a house. In this house there are two bedrooms. I don't even enter one of them and keep the door closed. With the recent bank fiasco going on, I was thinking wouldn't it be nice to rent the room and have someone I could associate with and maybe have some level of social life. I was thinking I may want to rent to another transsexual, perhaps one who could help me on the journey that I am embarking on. Does anyone know where I could look or post an ad so I can find a tennent.

I know I have gotten some people worried and I am in a dark place, but I will not hurt myself. It is just that I feel so alone and when things happen to me I no longer have my aunt to call and that just compounds things. After the latest episode, I just felt like a hamster on one of those wheels... churning my legs for all my worth but never being able to get anywhere.

I want to explain what happened and why I am in the shape I am in.

I'm tired.

I'm alone.

And I really don't see the point in trying to make life work anymore.

There comes a point in a person's life when they have to realize that they are a failure beyond any hope of being anything but a failure. I have come to that point. I have tried to be a good person and help people out, my reward was to be robbed blind. I have tried to be a friend to people, but there is no one around to bulster me when I need it. Those who are sworn to protect and serve simply turned away when I needed help, but were quick to point the finger at the smallest infraction.

As I was at my counselor I did recieve several nice compliments from him. I think they are important, because they solidify what I already know about myself.

The first was when I said I wouldn't get any facial reconstructive surgery. He said he didn't see the need. I've been blessed with high cheek bones and I think my face has always had feminine qualities to it, now if I would add to that some make-up (which I don't wear as of yet) think how far I should come. The thing about make-up, is 1) I break out easy and 2) I never learned and don't want to look like a harlot.

I posted an update on life the other day, but it got removed because I made accusations. I will try to do better this time.

Today I had my first counseling session so I can transition. It went very well. I am happy that the counselor doesn't want to dwell on the past, because neither do I. I am tired of doing counseling where I relive all the past traumas of life. Let's leave it in the past where it belongs and live in the now. I am not disassociating with my past, I'm not saying it didn't exist or that it happened to the boy I am not, but I'm tired of being depressed about things. The counselor is an F2M which proves body swapping should be legalized and we can all find the body we are happy with.

As I move towards transitioning to full time I have certain things that I see as small milestones. It would be nice if I could just start wearing dresses and be beautiful, but everything is a process. I don't want to force me being fem on people, but right now the only place I am not fem is at work (where I am androgynous).

My company finally left after two weeks, though I am glad to have my house to myself again I really miss them. I suppose I didn't realize how much I needed to let my secret out in "the real" world. It was so odd to open up and to be me. I must say that I was more comfortable around Tiffany than her husband Marcos. I think that may be because I've been hurt by men often in my life (when it comes to physical/sexual abuse). But I will give this for Marcos, he was accepting and told me that he and his wife loved me and wanted me to be happy.

So here is the thing... I have started my transformation.... Finally. I am doing it rather slowly, though of course I would prefer just waking up female and skipping the process. Though I think the process is going to be important.

Just keeping people updated because, quite frankly, I could use the support.

My friend is still here and i am still inching ever closer to just going full time, or at least part time with an option for overtime and vacation. It has been decided that thursday we are going for makeovers. At that time I will get a feminine hairstyle (not a unisex one that I can change back and forth). I am also contemplating getting my ears pierced. I just guess I finally got tired of putting up the facade.

I know I haven't written in a bit and I appologize. I have company at the new house and don't have access to my office. But, I wanted to give some good news life update.

I came out to my friend Tiffany about being fem and she is so supportive. This is the first person I've informed outside of family and tg websites. It gives me hope.

I started my diet today. I know many are probably wondering why I didn't start from my last blog. Simple answer: I didn't have a fridge or a stove until yesterday afternoon. I know the first three days of the diet will be the hardest as I break old patterns, Wendy's and Checkers will miss me. I am about moved in my new place so writing should commence in a day or two.

For those of you who don't know, in a previous male only life I was a world class wrestler (not that crap on television but Greco-Roman). In fact I won nationals in college twice (wasn't a Div I school so I don't know if you count that as an accomplishment but I do.) I also wrestled overseas in Central America representing our country. Internationally I am undefeated in Greco Roman Wrestling and hold a 12-1 in Freestyle (I lost to the bronze medalist of the 92 Olympics, he tore me apart).

I finalized on the house on Monday, so I am now an owner of property. I've had the plumber come out and got those little odds and ends taken care of. I also had the outside pressure washed and the yard work done. On this coming Monday, I have the exterminator coming out to deal with the termites and the spiders (ICK!!!) and all the little carpenter ants. I've had the bed and the living room delivered, so technically I can sleep there. But I still have no wires. Actually, that's a lie, I have two hundred feet of wire, it's sitting in a coil on the counter.

I don't know how many people are looking towards the next pinkilicios birthday and I hate to do this: But the continuation will probably be delayed further.

I am about to close on a house so that means moving after a few repairs get done (like rewiring the place because someone stole the copper wires). I would pull the story down, but don't see the point in that.

Here's to more prolific writing in a new place: hopefully one more Gatorade bottle friendly!!!

After a lot of conniving double-handed back stabbing that included a lot of misdirection and lying, I am saddened to announce that my mother did not steal my inheritance. She tried her best to do so, with the truth of what she was doing coming to me in the end. She did things like tell the insurance company she was my aunt's only surviving near relative (I guess nephews don't count as near relatives, but besides, my Aunt also has a surviving older brother).

I started writing a pinkilicious birthday and people are probably wondering where the next chapter is. It is coming, but this is a much slower write than my previous stuff. One of the main reasons is though it is a fluffy piece, with a little more introspection than it's prequel, it is extremely painful for me to write and I really wasn't expecting that.

Let me explain:

I am about to re-release God Bless the Child as a real live book and i thought we could have a little fun while waiting for the new cover artwork to be done (by a real artist).

Here is the contest.

Write the synopsis for the back cover.

That's fairly simple I think. You can post it here or send it to me in a PM.

Prize:

$25 (U.S.) and an autograph copy of the book (yes i am vain, the song is about me).

Hopefully this also drums up some interest for what I think is a wonderful story with TG elements.