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Recently I made a post that was pretty down. I am getting better, working with my GT helps, but still it creeps up on me sometimes. If I made anyone nervous I apologize, overall many of you are better friends than I have in life.

I am finding compensations, but the fact is I do not like being trans. My Dad was very conservative (except where he was liberal concerning peoples rights), it rubbed off completely I'm afraid. I have always felt that people who thought of themselves as the opposite sex were the opposite sex, but I never got any input from Dad. I arrived at this one on my own, but I didn't really expect to apply it to myself. So here I am, not even 20% done. Spiro has had its way with me, and at the moment I've stopped loosing weight, though I can see fat shifting around (this at 203). My face is different, as a lot of fat is gone from there. I'll post some pictures when I get time. My goal is still under 170.

I'm letting my hair grow. Ludicrous given my male patter baldness, but what the hey. I am told that some hair may come back. Somehow, I doubt it.

So here I am, just starting what I refer to as the path. I keep hearing from folks almost done it has helped. God, I hope so. I don't hate being male, it just doesn't fit somehow. Only another trans seems to understand what I'm talking about. Talking with a few CD via PM (on this site) it is obvious they don't get it.

A very wise lady on this site told me it added a richness to her life, I was startled to hear the same words from another older trans at a local function. I have come out full fem once in public (other than the little sneaky things we do, like underwear and shoes). My biggest impression was I froze my buns off, dresses and whatnot are not thick fabric. Not that I have any buns to speak of, since loosing weight I feel bone when I sit. Padding back there will be welcome, like an old friend.

Anyhow, for now I've gotten the depression under control. I'm getting some negative feedback about my nails, I'm dealing with it. Some folk have refereed to what I am doing as brave. It isn't, it is about survival, I simply could not continue as I was.

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