An Interview with the Author

Printer-friendly version

Author: 

Blog About: 

Taxonomy upgrade extras: 

Seeing as I act as agent of sorts for Koz's stories, we put together a Q&A about the story he just had me post, The Ghost of the Summer of 85'.

Q: Koz, what can you tell us about your story 'The Ghost of the Summer of 85'

A: It was one of the earliest FTM crossdressing stories I ever wrote. I was still in a mode of trying, rather unsuccessfully, to write your bog standard crossdressing story about guys in panties, bras, and dresses. Nothing ever seemed to work, so I started writing FTM fiction which brought one of my greatest fantasies to life.

Q: But Ghost is has a lot of MTF elements in it.

A: Yes, because as I began to fall in love with some of the girls in my FTM crossdressing stories, I began to long for my first true love.

Q: You fell in love with your characters?

A: My characters were a creation of who I wanted in my life as my life partner, and are created out of an amalgam of myself as a person and the things that turn me on.

Q: So you are the characters?

A: In this story, yes. At least I am the character of Tony. The story is true but it never really happened. Jeannie really did exist, she was my first true love. In some stories I am very much the male character, in others the female character is me as if I was a girl. In Ghost though, I am Tony.

Q: Is Ghost autobiographical?

A: No. But it borrows heavily from real life places and events.

Q: Jeannie, crossdressed as a guy for you?

A: Nope. That never happened.

Q: Ah, so then you got to crossdress for her.

A: Not exactly. Therein is a subtlety.

Q: If you didn't crossdress for her and she didn't crossdress for you, teh how can the story be true?

A: I need to explain the depth of the love I had for. She was the first woman that I fallen total arse over tit for. And she was also the woman with whom I first had sex, lost my virginity as it where. I wanted so much to tell about my crossdressing, but couldn't. I had been crossdressing since 13, and here I was at age 27, unable to tell anyone. I knew however that if sex was this much fun, then combined with my crossdressing it would absolutely exquisite.

Q: How does that all tie into the story?

A: I began working toward telling her. We started going to concerts, such as Culture Club and the Psychedelic Furs. I suggested that she do my makeup. This was very much in line with a lot of our favourite singers and groups. Needless to say, the after concert fun was the best yet. I began wearing leg warmers like girls did when it was cold. I started wearing cotton panties that resembled men's no-fly bikini undies. Part of this was in the hope that she might notice and that I could get her into the guy's version. That's when it all came tumbling down. The relationship crashed and burned.

Q: Was this because of crossdressing?

A: No, not directly. I lost my job and was on unemployment. This put an enormous stress on us. Her older sisters made a comment that there was something 'weird' about me, basically that because I wasn't a beer guzzling football loving creep, I was a wimp. This coupled with me being out work, eventually ended up with breaking off our engagement and her returning the diamond ring I had given her.

Q: None of this is in the story.

A: Correct. It took years for me to get over this. I'm a very sensitive person, so it lead to alcohol abuse and severe depression. Writing the story the way I wanted it to go was my attempt at re-writing history.

Q: What is true in the story?

A: My car, The Blue Frog is true. Jeannie's friend Terri who did want me to crossdress is true. She made a comment one time about how she'd love to see me in a garter belt and heels. That went over like a lead balloon with Jeannie. All the music is true. Also, we did date in 1985. The song by The Psychedelic Furs was one of 'our' songs.

Q: Did writing it help?

A: Enormously. It lead me to write The Amy Series, and then create my world out of the ashes of the old one with Jeannie. And that is why I am now married to a woman who said, I want to be the girl in the stories, for you. For that I am eternally grateful, and to Jeannie, I say, sorry sweetheart, but you missed out big time.

If you have any other questions for Koz, I'll be glad to pass them along to him.

Comments

It's rare...

Andrea Lena's picture

...to get this personal a glimpse. Thank you both for this blog; another reason to remember I'm not alone. Thank you!

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena