I'm tired of flashbacks

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I'm so tired of nightmares.

So tired of flashbacks.

So tired of feeling soiled and broken.

So tired of paying for a crime that not only am I innocent of, but am the victim.

The rape counseling is helping, but the above happens far often for my liking.

ah, well.

Comments

Bad news

They aren't going to go away, not totally. You may have fewer, and the intensity may go down, but all it takes is the right trigger. Friends help, counseling helps, but there is no cure. I spoke with a therapist who was also a hypnotherapist and she told me even hypnotism couldn't make them go away. The best I can do is take a antidepressant at night that has a sedative side effect, no risk of addiction. My previous physician had me on a well-known brand of sleeping pills and I became addicted. I had to go through drug withdrawal, which was not pleasant. My personal mantra is "Life sucks, then you die."

I've sugar-coated this a bit, but it's still the cold, hard truth.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Good News

erin's picture

It gets better. Counseling and various techniques taught by counselors help. Medication can help and there comes a time when the pain and the ache is there but it's far away and it does not hurt like it used to. It takes time and it takes knowing and accepting yourself and owning the pain so it does not own you.

Lots of Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

It does get better.

For me, my transition was the hardest on the planet. At least it felt that way to me because I valued my family above everything else, and I felt extremely guilty for inexplicable feelings that I could not put away, and it was the stubborn support of a few friends like Cathy and Holly that helped me to survive. I was on very strong drugs for about 4 years, and found out what the back of a police car and hand cuffs feel like. From 2003 to 2008 were the darkest of years.

After that, things began to slowly turn around and 2011 and this year so far have been the best years of my entire life. Now I am able to reach out and try to make the lives of others better if I can.

Still, I got a real surprise the other day. I was taking a man to a church activity called a Fire Side, who is not well liked by women in our church. He has had three brain tumors removed, and been in an auto accident that left him partially paralyzed, leaving him with some challenges.

That night, I was blithely thinking that I was quite well recovered and felt quite normal. So, we were driving right through downtown Portland, and he brought up a subject that felt traumatizing to me, and the fact that I had to focus on driving left me with a terminal mental deficit. In other words I disassociated while driving in very congested traffic. I did not even know where I was, it could have been downtown Cleveland for all I knew. This was extremely dangerous. Fortunately I had the presence of mind to just pull over into a truck loading zone, tell him that we could not talk about that subject, do some deep breathing, and then try to figure out where we were.

Well, I did figure it out, and managed to get the lid back on the pot, and we went on to complete the evenings activities.

So, many of us still have feelings that plague us, but in time, hopefully they will diminish and we can get on with our lives. I wish this for you also Dorothy.

thoughts

although I havent been through your trauma I can sympathize with yours..... I have been going through flashbacks for over 50 years now but this I can tell you ......... It isnt your fault...... dont put any blame on yourself for the actions of a waste of oxygen.. you are the better person learn to love yourself again May God Bless & keep you forever Papa