Road to Myself 22: Wait a Minute

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Road to Myself - 21: Wait a Minute
Annette MacGregor

The past few weeks have seen some interesting occurrences. Mostly positive, but, you know what they say about "interesting times"...

Where to start? That's a good question. Why not a positive point? :-) This past Sunday, I took my wife and younger daughter shopping... While the wife looked for something to wear to a wedding we'll be going to next weekend, I helped my daughter find some new tops and jeans... We got through the first batch of things before my wife rejoined us on our second trip into the changing room. My daughter also wanted to try on a few "dresses"... They were all a bit old for a 14 year old, but one was awful cute! (She's the one that decided to leave it, her moms didn't have to tell her no! We consider this a good thing!) My wife couldn't find anything. So, while I was checking out, she happened to see a nice black dress with jacket so, I stayed there in line to check out the two of them ran off to try it on (the wife tried it on, not both of them!) To make a short story long, the daughter ran up with the dress... "Momma Anne, she needs this one too. It's looks GOOOD!" So, success for the wife as well. Add to that the nice sale that was going on, and the cashier's efforts to maximize how much we got off (splitting things into FOUR orders), we got out of there with far less damage than I'd expected. :-)

My daughter wanted me to try things on too, but recognizing that time was limited, I declined. On the way home, they did promise me a trip out for ME. :-) So, perhaps one day my wardrobe will take more than a half foot of closet space. LOL

Next? Oh, I chatted with our Chief Diversity Officer about LGBT Policies, Benefits and Procedures. I may even have identified another benefit they could offer going forward (It's being looked into! Doesn't directly impact me, but it could many same sex couples.) I also identified an issue with Insurance and the like that they need to look into. (As there's not an issue in the Headquarters States, it hadn't occurred to them... Life Insurance beneficiary... If you name your same-sex partner, in some states, this can SUCCESSFULLY be challenged in court by your parents/siblings if you pass away! They're going to look into this, and see what can be done to at least notify employees of the potentiality if they can't protect them.)

But, for the most part, we worked to confirm my understanding of the TS Coming out/transition process. I also found that more of us had come out in the past few months - to take advantage of the medical benefit! None have a date in mind as far as transition is concerned.

Apparently the CDO and HR are appreciative of my efforts to collect all this information - in one spot, and provide a fresh view which may help things. At this point, they still consider me a "straight ally". *sighs* One thing that made writing up the summary - and the discussion more difficult was the efforts I took to avoid saying anything that said I was or wasn't TS... My long term separation from any LGBT groups (socially) and family help with this. I'm not necessarily aware of all terms to use... And, while some of us do retain our families - on good terms, it's still not the "norm" (if that's the right term to use).

So, what have I gone into... The family? Check. The Job? Check. Other? Oops. Knew there was something I'd forgotten.

I had a meeting yesterday - with my pastor. It was enlightening. He's been able to get a better handle on the church and the people. He came to a conclusion, though, that his original plan probably wouldn't work... And that the previous pastor had partially sabotaged things (with the best of intentions) a little. See, there are some people on staff and in leadership positions that don't seem to know what the word 'confidential' means... (Can we spell compulsive gossips?) The previous pastor had shared far more about my situation (including my name) with one of the people in leadership... He MAY have picked one of the few it was actually SAFE to tell, in some ways... (She's a nurse) But... How did we discover this? She came to the pastor and said. "Pastor, there are some things about _____ that you need to be aware of." Nice, huh... *sighs* On the other hand, the pastor was visibly upset that this disclosure had happened, and said he'd had strong words already with his predecessor on breach of confidence. In any event. He's in a position to begin educating the congregation... And is using the references I provided (including the contact information for the Pastor in Oregon that transitioned in the pulpet WITH the support of both his congregation AND the broader church leadership - including Bishop.) We expect to have a plan by the beginning of November to include training over the winter.

It also seems a FEW people have noticed some developments where I'm concerned and have queried the pastor on this... Which he assures me he's not confirmed, though (with my agreement) he did suggest if they had questions they should ask me rather than ask some third party who may or may not know or be at liberty to answer. (Good answer in my opinion - as it applies to any other health issues as well!)

Eventful few weeks? Yes... Very. I suspect the next few will be as well. I just hope the weather in Newfoundland is nice. LOL (At least it's not January!) And, to toss a few more wrenches into the things — there’s a tad of argument between lawyers where some docs are concerned…

Oh, there's a target transition window (2-3 week period) that my wife and I've agreed on. But, that's for another Blog.

What's next? How does spending half of October in St. Johns, Newfoundland sound? I'm not sure either... Maybe I'll tell you next time. In any event, if you got this far, thank you. If anything I've said strikes up questions please ask. (Not that I expect anyone to get this far, mind you... LOL)

Anne

Comments

Did so read it all!

LibraryGeek's picture

Anne-

I did so read all the way through, it was interesting, OK? Did with the last one, also, which got me looking through your writing, which introduced me to the SPA Universe. Anyway, you write very well, and have interesting things to say. Thanks for sharing about your life.

Yours,

JohnBobMead

Yours,

John Robert Mead

Likewise :-D

Zoe Taylor's picture

Also read everything, and to be honest, it's great to see this kind of thing posted here. I'm seriously considering transition, to a point where all I really need to do is work out how to work it into my other plans for the next five or so years.

For me it's important to hear as many perspectives and experiences as possible, moreso while I'm still in search of offline support (which may, and very likely will, require relocation :-)).

Now, all THAT said, "interesting times" definitely sums it up! I'm glad your workplace is taking serious steps on gender issues, and moreso that you have spiritual support and your family's. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the congregation as a whole will at the very least be tolerant, but at best, will remember that the words were "Love thy neighbor", not "as long as thy neighbor is a white male above the age of 18" :-)

I have a friend living in St. Johns, by the way. He says it can be a little backwards at times, but not altogether bad. Looking forward to hearing how things go :-)

Edit: Typo smashin' :-D

* * *

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risk to remain tight in a bud was more
painful than the risk it took to blossom."

-- Anais Nin

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you're doing well, it sounds

have you considered taking the plunge and coming out at work? It sounds like they would be as open as one could hope.

Dorothycolleen

DogSig.png

You always do that...

End your blog entry by saying how you doubt anyone will get that far, yet, I always do. And so do others. Are you ever going to either a) realize that we DO care, or b) stop using such a lame tactic for comment fishing?

Personally, I think this is a case of b.

Things are sounding mostly positive for you still. I do wonder if perhaps the members of your congregation are merely concerned about your well-being, and, once things are explained they might prove more accepting than you might have been expecting.

Abigail Drew.

Thanks for the update, Anne.

Thanks for the update, Anne. Interesting times, indeed!

Newfoundland in October should be nice brisk late Autumn weather I suppose. Not bad, I bet. I hope the people you deal with there are nice as well, not too chilly.

On the home front things sound mostly positive. Your experience does show that once two people know something, it's not a secret. Some folks just don't understand "confidential", as you said.

All the best to you and your family.

Kris

{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}

Kris

{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}