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Yesterday was not a good day for me.
i fell off the cross-dressing wagon.
It had been over 4 yrs since I last cross-dressed.
All I will say is that my wife has been away overseas with her mom for a month, and I miss her.
But I'm not making excuses. The question I have to answer for myself is whether I will be able to tell her.
Comments
umm, whats wrong with cross-dressing?
what did you do wrong? you make it sound like you hurt somebody, and as far as I can tell, cross-dressing doesnt.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
Nothings wrong
There is nothing wrong with cross dressing, but I'd given it up, and had promised my wife i'd given it up.
Its a personal choice. I'm just upset with myself.
Discussing it with her...
...does she understand or not about it? Does she feel threatened? I'm sure you feel upset; not so much the dressing, but the feeling of betraying her trust, which is all important in your relationship. What precipitated the promise, and is there any room for negotiation. Questions you need to ask yourself before you assign blame or guilt, because it's more about your relationship with her than anything else at this point. Wish it was easier, but I certainly understand. I'll be praying for wisdom for you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Thanks for all the
Thanks for all the support.
Basically here is my situation.
As a teenager I cross dressed a lot. I was very feminine. As I became older, and shortly after college, I recognized what a burden society puts on women, especially in employment, so I reverted to the male me. I gave up the cross dressing.
A couple of years later I met my wife and married, had a girl after 8 yrs of marriage.
When I turned 40, I 'dabbled' in cross dressing again. I traveled a lot, and it gave me an opportunity to do it.
But over the 3 yrs i did it, it wore on my relationship with my wife. I was hiding it and somewhere deep down she knew something was wrong. So I stopped, again. But I didn't completely purge.
About two years ago she found my 'stash'. I had not dressed for two years, and in all honesty, had forgotten about my stash. She, of course assumed the worst. If it had been just lingerie, she would have easily accepted it. But my stash had full outfits and breastforms and several pairs of shoes. her assumptions; I wanted to have sex with a man, I was gay, i was depraved etc etc why else would I want to dress like a woman.
Over the past two years I've mended my broken relationship with my wife. But she doesn't accept that I like to cross dress.
Just after xmas, my wife's father passed away. She went down to australia for what was supposed to be a month to be with her mother, being the only daughter, and her brothers are both assholes to her.
Her mother has not been coping well, and hence my wife has been gone for over two months.
Whilst my daughter was away on a school overnight trip this week, I dressed up.
That's why I was upset. I had betrayed myself.
I don't know how old you are
I don't know how old you are or from what religious or cultural background you come from but you've got a lot of things to learn baby if you want to find happiness.
PS Cross dressing can hurt people. It can hurt your spouse if you've married them without telling them and then spring it on them unexpectedly; or worse - they catch you at it. Some women would never marry a cross-dresser if they knew about it beforehand and it comes as a hell of a shock when they find out, no matter how they find out.
You need to talk with your significant other!!! And I mean really talk!!!! Everything! No secrets!! Nobody else need know but she has that right to know. Remember the vows???
Go carefully and go slow but go! Talk!
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
Sadly
If you think Crossdressing is a wagon to fall off of... you probably aren't ready to tell anyone.
The fact that you are denying your desire to 'dress' means you believe it is not safe to be open about it.
Confessing it will expose you to those whom you fear.
It is unlikely your fears are unfounded. There is also the likelyhood that your wife would share her concerns with her mother. And a secret between more than one person is no secret at all.
Dayna.
ps. I am transsexual... telling people was necessary for my survival. I tried to hide and ended up in emergency having tried to kill myself. I had nothing left to lose...*sigh*
I almost didn't -
- comment, but one of the remarks made was 'crossdressing doesn't hurt anyone.' No it doesn't but not crossdressing possibly can. I know from my own experiences that denying the expression of that part of myself can and does cause me problems. Hell, I still find myself resisting dressing even if just a piece or two no one can see calms me and relives that anxiety that wears me down. All these years of denying myself has harmed someone, me! Repeated bouts of depression, anxiety and related illnesses has left me worse for wear.
I don't know your situation, but I was lucky. My wife tries to understand. Perhaps not enthusiastically, but she cares enough to try. Again I don't know your situation or the can of worms you might be opening if you say something about this. I am concerned about you. Being honest with myself about my needs was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The hardest, however was telling my wife about the me she didn't know. I called it having the strengths of my weaknesses. She's complained on several occasions I have better fashion sense than she does as well as I take better care of her clothes too. :)
Be well.
Big hugs!
Grover
Breaking the cycle
Like a lot of other crossdressers, I went through cycles of dressing, getting caught, arguements and threats, solemn promises to quit to both my spouse and myself, purges, prayer, periods of abstenance, then dressing again... lather, rinse, repeat, ad infinitum.
One of the threats was divorce if I didn't stop. Finally, I realized this was one promise I could not keep, no matter how hard I tried. One more cycle of being caught, and the threat of divorce was brought up again.
In a fatalistic frame of mind, I decided it was time to stand up like a man, have the courage to do what I thought best for my family as well as for myself. I realized that I had hurt the one I loved enough and to avoid any more pain and trauma that maybe we really should go our separate ways. She stormed out of the room, slamming the door on the way out. I cried bitter tears of regret for hurting her one last time and releif because this was giong to end this viscious cycle once and for all. A while later she came back into the room in a much more gentle and concilliatory mood and said, "Let's talk about it."
We were able to come to an understanding, and I was able to slowly rebuild the bond of trust and love once again. It also helped me to build my self esteem because a source of guilt and shame had been defused. I would ultimately become a better, kinder husband and father.
I'm not advocating that you, or any one else, should follow this path. I hope my tale gives you some ideas and the courage to follow your heart. As with all advise, both good and not so good... Your Milage May Vary.
Linda Jeffries
Too soon old, too late smart.
Linda Jeffries
Too soon old, too late smart.