A Challenge to any Newbie wanting to write a story but just

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Here is a good beginning to a story I was writing. My challenge to you is to finish it! The real challenge though is...Can you give it emotion? Will the readers "FEEL" the story through the characters? Good luck and I hope this helps those wanting to write, at least a start.

Huggles All

Angel_Jeans_0.jpg

The Healing Child
By
Angel O’Hare and (your name here)
 ©December-2008

The first thing I realized when I opened my eyes is that I was no longer under water. The last thing I could remember is our car slowly sinking in ice cold water during the darkest of nights. No moon, heavy low clouds and rain, constant heavy rain.

My dad was driving and some idiot big rig driver came zooming by us and fishtailed wildly striking the front driver’s side door hard with the tail end of the trailer.

Our car then turned violently to the right and went up onto the guardrails in front of a bridge. We continued going forwards and then sideways as our car twirled in the air before hitting hard and flat wheels down onto the surface of the river.

The wind was knocked out of me, my mom was screaming and my dad was unconscious head bloodied and bleeding.

For some reason I wasn’t able to get my breath back fast enough and was passing out as I watched my mom calm down and shake my dad and just as she was looking at me, I passed out.

I did feel ice cold water start covering my feet and then progress to reaching up to my knees, but that is all I can remember.

I’m in the hospital as I look around and next to me in another bed is my mom fast asleep. My dad is no where to be seen.

No clocks on the walls just a rhythmic beeping sound coming from somewhere behind me. I twist my body and look behind me to see wires from me leading to a machine that has colored squiggly lines and numbers next to symbols I have no idea what they mean.

I hear an abrupt change to the beeping rhythm as I keep moving around a few seconds later a nurse appears at the side of my bed. She speaks to me softly just above a whisper and tells me I’m safe now and that my mommy is in the next bed over.

She makes me lie still as she checks me over and then peels back my covers and I gasp seeing that I have a tube coming out my penis, She reassures me that it is just to collect my urine while I was unconscious and getting IV’s it will be removed very soon now that I’m awake.

She asks me some silly questions that I answer and she seems happy. Then my mother is holding my hand and is thanking God for not taking her son along with her husband. I then realize my dad is dead and she then realizes what she had said.

We both spent some time crying while we held each others hand. I couldn’t believe my dad was gone.

The next hour is spent with my mom telling me everything that I had missed. We were very lucky that a state policeman was actually chasing down the trucker and had witnessed everything that had happened.

He called immediately for river rescue and followed our cars progress down the river as it slowly sank with just the roof visible along with our head and tail lights.

River rescue was just two miles away and were soon at our car and removed me first, then my mom, and then my already deceased Dad. He died of a massive head injury.

The trucker was actually caught 50 miles away on another interstate. He had thought he had gotten away when the state policeman stopped chasing him and followed our progress down the river.

OKAY, NOW IT’S YOUR TURN, TAKE IT FROM HERE AND GOOD LUCK!

All participants will receive a completed story I have written that no one has seen yet and has never been posted anywhere. The only catch is, you must post your version of this story here at the Big Closet.

Huggles All
Angel O’Hare

Angel_Jeans_0.jpg

Comments

Nice Hook

Hi Angel,
This has a really nice hook to it. The interesting thing about this is that all we have so far is a mother and boy who have been in a car accident and suffered a traumatic loss of a father and husband.

While I am sure it would lend itself well to a TG story, it doesn't have to be one. The only clue to how the rest of the story goes is in the title which could be taken several ways. That is that the story is about a child (presumably the boy) healing from the trauma. Or it could be about the child being the agent of healing for those around him from the trauma. Or it could be about both the boy healing and the boy aiding others to heal.

What I would like to do is to take your hook and post a non TG story to Fictioneer in the same manner as you challenged the newbies to post their first story here.

I'm not sure I know how to write well yet but with everything that I have written, I can't be considered a newbie here but I've never posted anything to Fictioneer.

Writing a non TG story will be something new for me. Just writing it would be it's own reward with your consent, Angel.

All my hopes,
Ariel Montine

Jo Dora Webster

Ariel Montine, You go for it it girl!

The simple truth is, I don't think I have a non-TG story posted at Fictioneer!

This would be a first for me as well, so you go girl! I'm behind you 100%, you can do it, the story is right inside you begging to get out!

Huggles Ariel

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

Ariel Montine, let me know when you post to...

Fictioneer. If you rewrite it from the beginning, it will be your story. Just think of me as a muse whispering in your ear to get you started.

Huggles Aries

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

I'll send you a copy before I post

Hi Angel,
I'll send you a copy before I post it to Fictioneer. The purpose of writing it for me is to be able to use that wonderful hook that you wrote as a launching point for the story. I would not change a word of it.

You helped me with my very first story, "Chatting with Angels" which is still evolving and still very unfinished. But I have finished other stories along the way. I've started some stories for which I see great potential. There are others waiting to be written in my 'stories in development' folder.

But writing something non TG is a break out for me in a new direction. Somehow it seems right that you are helping me.

I want this story to be as good as I cam make it and full of the emotion that you taught me to use from the begining. I've had hits and misses on that so far but I am still trying and still learning. It may be a while before the story gets to that point. When it is, I'll send it to you and you can decide if your name belongs on it.

Huggles Angel! Be Well!
All my hopes,
Ariel Montine

Jo Dora Webster

Go for it Girls and I can't wait to read it!

Some times someone just needs a spark to get their creative juices flowing. I had hoped that this beginning would do just that for a few people and it has. I'm a happy camper! Giggle, giggle...

Hm, a non-TG story? Do children's stories count? I've written one of those as a self-challenge and not only the kids but a few adults just loved it.

Maybe I'll write a non-TG story someday, but my plate is full at the moment.

Huggles Ariel

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

Challenge

Hi,

I would like to take you up on your challenge :)

Willow

Willow Marie, You can do this...

The story is right inside you, go for it girl!

I know you can do it!

Huggles Willow

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"

OK Angel, I'm Game

The way that it's written so far is right up my alley. I've done such stories with no dialogue, so this should be a lead pipe cinch!
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

GEEZE Stan, I gave you a huge challenge already!

I gave you a very heavy story to finish and I think you're still working on that and your "Kelly" series. But, if you want to take up this challenge, then KEWLIES, I warn you though, nothing is a simple as you think it is and when you think something will be easy, look out!

Giggle, giggle...

"Be Your-Self, So Easy to Say, So Hard to Live!"