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At this point, I feel like everything in my life has failed. I tried all the suggestions I was given here, none of them have panned out.
Lawyers want money, there is no one who is willing to pro bono to help me. I'm living in this house, day to day, knowing that at some point in the near future the city will come knocking on the door to throw me out. I've been told by many people that that day is probably pretty far off but the fear of it is only making my depression worse. My older brother---who is currently living with me---is trying his hardest to make things work here but he's starting to crack under the pressure too. He was living in another city with his girlfriend, she's getting upset that he's not there to be with her, her son is upset because he basically feels abandoned again by another father. I'm getting upset because my brother is not the most pleasant person to be around when he gets upset.
To top it all off, Mental Health is a bust.
I know what's wrong with me, I've been living with my multitude of problems for years now. Every one has been telling me for about five years now to go seek help for them. So I finally did. The therapist doesn't seem to want to listen to my problems though. She's centering on only one issue, wants to work on said issue for six months with "coping mechanisms". I've tried that shit on my own and it doesn't work. I know what my mind and my body can and can not handle. I know exactly how much "help" her therapy is going to do for me----JACK SHIT.
Social Services failed too. Food Stamps went through but financial assistance didn't. I honestly wasn't expecting it too. So I have half a cable bill I can not pay and an increasing electricity bill that keeps skyrocketing by the day.
At this point, I don't know what to do anymore.
Comments
just try and hang in there, hon.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Love and Hope
Sending you lots and lots of Love, Hugs, Hope and Positive Energy.
I know it's not much, and noting that fix the "NOW" problem.
It is all I can do.
I hope it will add up with all the others that do the same.
Big Loving Hugs tmf
Blowing smoke, not unusual kiddo
Aw shit Ef, well it's better than it was awhile ago. You must qualify for something. I wish I could help. Look, figure you are at rock bottom, pride be damned. Now, is there a shelter anywhere near you? You will find others in your position, and the staff there won't be full of fertilizer. If able, are you willing to work doing most anything? Also, free legal advise may be there too. PM if you want to talk.
Karen
It is just plain scary...
Whole families of some major "minorities" in the US are living for decades on "benefits" and foodstamps... And one of the minor majorities member is having hard time surviving...
Anyway. Manic rules of manic racing through life:
1. You don't need tv. At all. Never. For nothing. Sell the idiot box, cancell any subscriptions.
2. Nice cozy atmosphere is very nice and relaxing. You don't need all of the lights in the house on.
3. It is a pain. But you can wash dishes without dishwasher. 1 dollar bottle of hand-dishwashing fluid is good for 3 to 4 months of dishwashing.
4. Don't believe people who try to persuade you to wash your clothes after every touch from your body. Jeans are good for 3 to 4 months between washings (If you are not digging trenches in them). Tops if you use good antipersperant are good for 3 to 5 outings before washing. Side effect is your jeans and tops survive 2 to 4 times longer. And you spend 2 to 4 times less money on washing.
Cable
A small point here that may not be obvious if you don't live in the US.
Many people get their broadband/internet access through their cable subscription. EoF's cable bill isn't just about TV, it's about connecting themself to the rest of the world - to us. Very often you can't get a broadband-only contract, or a broadband + basic TV offer will be much cheaper than a broadband-only contract. I'm assuming that what EoF has is the cheapest option.
Penny
Looked up Internet prices in US...
It is crazy!
Cheapest broadband for 30+ per month? I live in a residential complex where we have one single Internet provoder. It is very expensive by our standards. I pay around 8 dollars per month for 20 megabit connection... For 30$ per month I can have 500 megabit. TV with 60+ channels is 5$ per month. One of the most expensive providers in Moscow areas where there is a competiton offers 60 megabits for around 7 dollars per month...
It looks like moving to Russia is quite a sane option for Americans... ;-)
(but cars are much more expensive. But public transportation is quite good and getting better.)
Cable prices in the UK
In the UK, I currently have a BT broadband connection. Previously, I used Virgin Cable, which I would guess is arranged similarly to the way cable runs in the US. Our basic landline+broadband+tv from Virgin started off at about £60 and was over £120 when I decided that I'd had enough. Much of that was down to Sky jacking up their prices all the time, which Virgin have to pass on.
So we moved to BT. That sends everything down a phone line. That began at £42 for broadband+landline+tv and gradually increased to £85, with the loss of a number of "bundled" channels along the way. Eventually, I discovered that we weren't actually using any of the tv they supplied but only what came through our aerial. (In the UK, OTA TV is very strong and well-used, unlike some other countries.)
So, I got rid of the tv package and now we're back down to £42! For that we get ~10Mb bandwidth, 30GB/month and free landline calls at the week-end.
Penny
UK is an Internet backwaters...
I knew it. Wery expensive, very slow... Still cheaper than ordinary phone to call over any of the water around.
But 85 per month?.. Last time I was in UK I got 10 pound sim card from t-mobile... It provided very nice fast Internet for 2 weeks... And I had around 5 pounds on that card at the end of my stay. (Only bother was to visit t-mobile sales point next day after getting that sim to turn off filters that blocked BCTS)
You. Are. Not. A. Failure.
For far too many of us, we are bullied and manipulated from a young age and it gets pounded into us that (fill in the blank) is our fault, that we are failures because we did or didn't (fill in the blank). That is the biggest pile of bullshit out there. We are who we are. Our religion/ race/ gender identity/ emotional sensitivity/ physical features/ intellect/ interests and everything else that makes us who we are is us. It isn't right or wrong, better or worse than anyone else. The bullies- whether peers or authority figures- blame us for their own insecurity, ignorance and prejudice. Our otherness isn't the problem it is their refusal to accept that which is outside their small minded closed world. When you call yourself a failure, you are buying into their bullying.
Yes, you have had, and are having, setbacks, but that in and of itself does not make you a failure. There are aspects of one's life that are controllable, aspects that one can affect but not completely control and others that are completely out of control. Everything that we, as human beings, do in our lives has consequences, some of which can be foreseen and others of which can't be foreseen. We learn from our experiences good and bad and then we hopefully don't repeat the mistakes.
Everyone on the planet has psych issues and the people with the worst issues are invariably the people who won't cop to them. Having problems doesn't make you a failure- neither does seeking help for your problems.
Having social services fully or partially fail you doesn't make you a failure, it proves our collective failure as a society to care for people in need and in crisis.
Being assigned a therapist who is unable to or unwilling to collaborate with you doesn't make you a failure, it points to her inadequacy as a therapist. Any therapist worth his or her salt will find a way to work with you- even if they disagree on what should be addressed and in what order of importance. You may have coping issues that concern the therapist but if the therapist knew her job, she would work with you on issues that you prioritize and in the process of doing that she would work with you on coping skills once she proved herself worthy of your trust.
Taking care of your aunt and being betrayed by her son who reneged on his promise doesn't make you a failure, it shows him to be a dishonest, manipulative piece of shit.
EOF, you are a good person; your writing reveals your inner self and it is a beautiful soul that shines through.Please try to depersonalize your setbacks so you can see them for what they are and not make them a false reflection of yourself.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers and send you all the warm, healing energy that I have available.
What they said ^^^^^
You haven't failed, you just found a lot of flaws in the system that don't serve you. Now you don't have to repeat those time wasters. Please don't let your frustration and depression consume and paralyze you. Looking at the whole situation seems to be overwhelming you right now. Maybe only worrying about one issue at a time will make the situation easier to deal with. I have faith in you that if you keep working on your issues that you will be able to resolve them. In any case I wish you luck and hugs.
Wendy K
I understood, and that may be
I understood, and that may be wrong, that you lived in or near Niagara Falls, NY
Have you tried:
Neighborhood Legal Services, Inc.
225 Old Falls Street, 3rd Floor
Niagara Falls, New York 14303
Tel: (716) 284-8831
Fax: (716) 284-8040
DAMN
I knew things was rough man,but didn't realize how rough they was. I really hope things get better for ya man. Your a wondeful guy.
Love
At this distance, and not knowing the system, I don't know what I can offer. Keep us with you when you wake, and when you rest, we aren't going away.
"Reach for the sun."
I'd Like to Think, at Least...
...that you can get a different therapist if you don't hit it off with the first one. Therapists are generally (I'm told) sympathetic to that; after all, working with someone they can't get along with isn't good for them, either. They're not usually just in it for the money.
My psychotherapists have been long-term (17 years for the current one, longer than that, I think, for the MD who worked out my meds), so I can't speak from experience on that point.
Eric
Lost more than I care to admit
Hon, I don't want to give you false hope but there are laws to protect those who have fallen on financial hardship. If you own you home or if you are renting there are different laws which protect you and can keep you safe at home from the courts and sharks.
God I wish I remembered but it has been too long since I was giving out advice on this subject. I'm not sure you are in the U.S. and I have no idea what other nations use for law. The data and laws are there, someone with a better memory than what mine has become needs to find them.
Sorry hon, but it has been too long since I advised the girls how to keep from being tossed out. I'm not a lawyer obviously but only an adviser. I've got to get away from writing and get back to researching. I've become useless to those who need help the most.
always,
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Wish I could help more
Know that you are liked and respected here.There are many people here smarter than me(not hard nowadays)Perhaps a go fund me site?
For all I know this may be
For all I know this may be something you've done already but have you considered putting any of your works on Amazon for kindle sales? Even if they don't turn into runaway bestsellers it's still something coming in.
Polly