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Friday 3pm
10 miles north of Newcastle upon Tyne, England
The footpath is marked on the map. It cuts diagonally across an enclosed field and ends at a lane no more than 400 yards away. On the ground, in exactly the right place, I find a stile and a small wooden signpost.
Routine stuff.
The right of way is undefined. I walk through some fairly long grass, aiming for what looks like a gate at the far end. I'm about a third of the way across when behind me I hear what sound like horses being ridden at some speed.
I turn to see three hefty brown bullocks bearing down on me. Obeying my instincts, I take a step forward and shout 'No!' They hesitate, then resume their approach. At the same time another seven equally intimidating specimens are moving in a kind of pincer movement, as if to cut off my escape.
Where did they all come from? If I'd seen them grazing I would never have climbed over the stile.
More to the point, what the hell do I do now?
I try walking on at a very slow pace, but each step seems to provoke a threatening response. I'm beginning to feel trapped and helpless. I don't know how to manage the behaviour of farm animals. Each of this lot is big enough to knock me over, and if I go down there's a good chance I'll get a hoof in the back from one or more of them. Something like panic starts to develop.
By this time I've been forced to one side of the field. There's a single strand of barbed wire I can duck beneath, which offers me some tangible protection. But I'm now standing on the brink of a deep ditch, choked with nettles and thorn bushes. And the circle is closing in. There's literally nowhere else I can go.
This is getting serious. They show no sign of losing interest. For all I know I might still be here when night falls.
I take out my phone and call 999. The switchboard puts me in touch with the police. The officer I speak to is sympathetic to my plight, though I can tell he's struggling not to laugh.
I light a cigarette and wait for help to arrive. Before it does, the cattle have wandered away. When they reach the farthest corner of the field I sneak under the barbed wire and make my way gingerly back to the stile - relieved, shaken, viscerally aware of my human frailty and promising never again to depart from the highways and byways when I'm tramping through the countryside.
And they say golf ruins a long walk.
(image from flickr)
Comments
Can't offer any advice
A friend visiting from the UK only just told me that one can walk almost anywhere as long as they do not do damage, not like in 'merica. I wonder if they would have actually hurt you?
It's Possible, Yes
I did a bit of research when I got home. There have been more than 50 instances of walkers being injured by cattle in the UK over the last 5 years, 8 of them fatal. Apparently even a glancing blow from a large animal can have serious consequences.
Any animal in the 1500 - 2000
Any animal in the 1500 - 2000 pound range can put a real hurt to us humans. However, it is more likely they were curious and thinking they would get a treat.
Lifers
Let's face it. You were in the prison yard surrounded by convicts that have all been sentenced to death without possibility of parole. They have nothing to lose and you are just fresh meat.
:-)
Be kind to those who are unkind, tolerant toward those who treat you with intolerance, loving to those who withhold their love, and always smile through the pains of life.
@ Seagull - I Kept Telling Myself That
Sadly I only had strawberries and jaffa cakes to offer them, and they weren't interested
The only thing I can say
The only thing I can say about that is...watch where you step! Nothing worse than a pile of male bovine excrement :D
I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime
Nothing worse than a pile of male bovine excrement :D
I've stepped in my share of female bovine excrement - in what is the male variety worse?
Inquistive minds demand to know!
Ninja horses
Not as exciting as your experience, but just to show how cunning animals are...
I was out taking photographs near to a fenced field, in a far corner of which were a couple of horses (not a problem I thought). While I was preoccupied composing my shots, the horses had silently crept up to where I was standing with my back to them (I'm sure they used the cartoon tip-toe method), and picking their moment went 'Prrrrr' down the back of my neck.
To put things mildly, I was not amused, but I swear the horses went away sniggering.
I am convinced that animals act exactly as depicted by Gary Larson in 'The Far Side'
Yes
Horses have an evil sense of humor. This was rather benign and good-natured compared to some of their jokes. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Laugh
Next time just laugh, nothing like laughter at a young male's privates to make him run away.
I discovered how fast I could run
in wellingtons when pursued by a large male bovine while conducting a bird survey many years ago. I also recall snatching up my daughter, who was about three at the time when pursued by a number of bullocks. She burst into tears because I'd literally lifted her out of her little red wellies and my friend had to go back and get them.
I don't trust any animal that weighs more than I do.
Angharad
A similar incident
Many years ago, when I was a regular weekend cyclist, I joined a Sunday club run into the wilds of the Midlands. I can't remember exactly where we went, possibly somewhere like Uttoxeter. Lunch was drunk, er, consumed in a cycle-friendly hostelry on the edge of town.
On the way back I felt it necessary to allow some of the beer to find its way out, so called to the group and stopped by the side of the road. Seeing a 5-bar gate I hopped over, checked the field and turned round to relieve myself against the hedge.
Turning back and pulling my cycle shorts up, I discovered a perfect half-circle of cattle surrounding me. They had approached completely silently as I had done my business. I don't know (and didn't care) if they were cows or young bullocks. All I knew was that cattle can be wary of strangers. They know their herdsman but still have the instincts which make them defend the herd against possible predators.
I stretched out the back of my hand towards the nearest one and let him sniff it. Speaking in a low, friendly voice I talked to them for a while and let them investigate me while making no sudden moves. Eventually I managed to get back to the gate and climb over it, but my new friends poked their heads over and kept sniffing me. Perhaps it was the liniment? It certainly wasn't the beer or the sweat.
The moral of this story? There is no such thing as an empty field, especially when you pull your trousers/shorts down.
Penny
Am I the first to say this ?
Am I the first to say this ? Going by the photo, You are surrounded by naked FEMALES, careful or they'll squirt you with milk !!!
Karen
Public footpaths in UK.
Firstly a farmer cannot keep dangerous livestock in any field that has a public footpath or right of way running through it. First issue is the farmer cannot always know if the livestock if dangerous. It is perfectly reasonable to assume a bull (Entire male breeding daddy cow) is by definition dangerous.
Bullocks (Castrated bulls) are not normally deemed dangerous but they can get frisky, especially if they presume that the human invading their space is the farmer bringing food or fodder. The animals in your picture looked more hopeful than angry perhaps they were hoping for some beef nuts to fatten them up. Usually a determined waving of arms and shouting will frighten such animals away.
Cows are hardly ever dangerous, just curious or hopeful (Again it's the food thing.)
These same circumstances apply to horses. With either animal, horse or cow, the farmer should be aware of the animal's nature and, if it's unknown, he should always assume an entire (uncastrated) stallion or bull is dangerous and keep it away from public rights of way.
The right to roam has been a UK right from the dark ages but there are restrictions. Firstly the walker must not commit damage (trespass) to any land or boundaries or livestock or buildings or fences or gates he encounters. Panicking any farm animals and causing them to 'stampede' with or without dogs is deemed to be damage.
Above 600 feet on common land it is permitted to stay overnight on unfenced pasture or any open moor. (This one's a minefield, especially with the influx of more and more travellers subject to local by-laws enacted by local authorities to protect local property.) Farmers will sometimes try and fence their grazing rights to protect livestock even though the land is actually common land owned by the people for the people and usually left in the care of some local authority.
Roaming rights in the UK might be deemed universal but believe me the laws, rules and regulations are endless.
The only universal law is be courteous and respectful of private property and report anything you deem to be illegal or unsafe, first to the land owner and if that fails then report it to the police.
That's all I've got to say except to add that roaming laws are remarkably liberal in the UK considering that 65,000,000 people live on this tiny island.