Sorry, but I have a lot on my mind right now, and I haven't posted a blog in awhile. It's not anything particularly bad, just a lot of "Huh" and "Hmm" things. :-)

I've mentioned in the past that I took a hiatus from TopShelf for awhile because of drama. I won't get into the how and why and whatnot because, being honest, it's not important.. Drama happens, especially when you throw anonymity into the mix. It's old and buried.

My problem is that I've had trouble reconciling with becoming a regular visitor again after it all died down. I'm an introvert, and I suffer social anxiety disorder. I also have a condition known as hyperthesia. Basically I remember negative experiences far longer than your average human.

Taken together, it makes it harder for me to dip my toes back into the pool after nearly being eaten by piranhas the last time.

Okay, that's a terrible analogy. *laughs*

I'm not blaming anyone but myself for what happened though. Being honest, I let myself develop a big head because of my runaway success. Call it big fish in a small pond, call it a false sense of security, but combined with crap that happened, and some hard criticism from a well-meaning friend whose opinion I valued deeply, I had my ego deflated pretty hard.

That was well over a year, maybe two, ago. I've mostly been in hiding because I was ashamed, a little depressed, and afraid to poke my head out of my little gopher hole that the lawnmower might be making another pass.

But after reading about a similar drama implosion in another community, wherein a major figurehead content creator who has something like 10 MILLION subscribers on Youtube, was chased off back when he had a lowly 50k, it made me realize just how good things really are here, and how much I missed when I'd post a blog every week or two, interact with fellow authors and, let's be honest, friends that I made here.

There is always drama in every community, whether it's online or in real life. It's unavoidable unless you just hide away in a cave. Well, I'm tired of hiding. But I don't know how to crawl back out of my cave.

I made myself a nice, comfy safety zone where I just talk to a small handful of very close friends, and my girlfriend Ashleigh of course has been an absolute pillar. She and I have endured so much both in our individual lives and together these last few years.

Writing has really kept me sane. Throughout everything I've never stopped writing. We haven't posted even a tenth of what we work on because we only post what we actually finish now. Yes, that means Lights, Camera, Action is already finished, edited, and proofed. :-)

But we only finish stories we're really attached to. That's part of the reason our posting has slowed down massively. Despite all that stuff I said about drama and whatnot, the reason I stopped posting as much is simply because we didn't want to get into a situation where we never finish a story, as we've unfortunately done in the past.

Anyway, if you made it this far, God(s)(dess)(es) bless your patience :-)

I guess what I'm really trying to get across here can be summed up in two simple words: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not being more patient. I'm sorry for not being more supportive of new authors who are probably reading this, going, "Who the hell is Zoe Taylor, and why should I care?" ;-)

I don't consider myself a great author anymore, but I still write because it's what I love, even if my characters spend way too much time explaining their feelings, or if there's not enough conflict and too much sugar sweet happy fun times. I write because it's what I love most in this world, and I'd write even if no one ever read it.

But you guys and gals do read. You read everything that Ashleigh and I collaborate on, and you comment, and you support us, even despite me being an introverted, closed-off jerk.

I love you all, and I hope our writing continues to bring joy to others as it does for us.

~ Zoe