Christmas Blues

or

Here I go again.

No health insurance, which means scripts run out. One of them was my antidepressants. I probably am going to have to go out of pocket with this one.

Problem is the withdrawal. It is a killer, or could be. About a week before Christmas I went into a depression that I would class as life threatening. When I get like that I don't reach out to people, I just shut down. Which probably accounts for why I don't have the meds yet, a positive feedback loop of the worst sort. It broke in time for Christmas, which was good.

I don't like writing these kinds of posts, posting them even less. I feel like I am just bringing everyone else down.

My son left this Christmas to be with his sweetie. I hope he enjoys his holiday. I spent mine with my girl, which was good. But she is staying with her friends, and I am not really comfortable there.

My best friend has left town, I'm taking care of the many pets she has.

I am not alone, but I feel I am sometimes. Thing I hate about this kind of funk is I don't really think rationally. I really do look at it as a form of insanity.

So I'll just keep struggling on, trying to get through this. It is a bit better that when I was fighting myself after having come out, but the feeling is the same.

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