Author:
i•den•ti•ty
/īˈdentitē/
1. Noun: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is
Hmm, that seems fairly straight forward. Let’s see, I am first an individual, a human being. In some respects no different than you or anyone else and yet in so many other ways, I couldn’t be more different. So is that any clearer? No? Yeah, I’m still confused too.
Let’s try this again. I’m a grande hot decaf triple five-pump vanilla non-fat no foam whipped cream extra hot extra caramel upside down caramel macchiato. Crap, that’s my coffee order. Sorry about that. But it does illustrate some of the confusion. I see people introduce themselves as ‘Hello, my name is***** and I’m a (insert coffee order here).
Some are fairly straight forward like ‘I’m a pre-op MtF trans’. I think I can figure this one out. This person was born genetically as a male but identifies as a female and has not yet had any operations to physically alter the body. Seems fairly simple but oh no, I’ve gotten into trouble jumping to conclusions before.
Things get even more confusing when someone says ‘I’m a queer transgender woman.’ Okay, let’s figure out this one. Now “transgender” says essentially that one was born physically as one gender but identifies as another. “Woman” would seem to indicate that this person identifies as a female and “queer” that this person is sexually attracted to females. Right? Again, maybe not. Maybe this person means that physically they’re a woman but identify as a man and queer means they’re sexually attracted to ???
Awhile back I came across a news article I found interesting and it dealt with terminology and such. From that article I’d like to quote a bit:
First, let's define some terms, starting with "transgender" ("transgendered" is incorrect). According to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD):
'Transgender' is an umbrella term often used to refer to people whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth. However, people whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth may not self-identify as transgender; some may identify as transsexual, trans, genderqueer, a person of transgender experience, etc. Transgender people may or may not use a different name or pronoun than the one they were assigned at birth, and they may or may not pursue hormone therapy or surgery. When in doubt, always defer to the way a person self-identifies.
"Cisgender" is, in effect, the opposite of "transgender." A person who is cisgender is one whose gender identity matches the sex he or she was assigned at birth.
The following words should never be used to describe someone who is transgender: "transvestite," "she-male," "he-she," "it," "trannie," "tranny" or "shim." These words are dehumanizing, and using them to refer to any person is disrespectful.
That seems to help but here I go jumping to conclusions again. According to the definition above, my gender identity differs from my assigned sex at birth. Therefore, according to the definition, I should be able to identify as “trans.” But I have had people tell me that because I have not pursued hormone therapy and have no plans to pursue surgery not to mention that I don’t present to the world the gender I identify with, then I’m not trans, I’m either a cross-dresser when I do dress as the gender I identify with or I’m just someone seeking a thrill or some other such nonsense.
The fact of the matter is I do have a gender identity disorder. Has it affected me the way yours has affected you? Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe more so, maybe less. Do I deal with it differently than you do yours? Why yes, yes I do.
The reason is simple, we’re all individuals and no matter how hard we may try, we can’t handle the same situations the same unless it’s on the broadest scale. It’s hard enough trying to explain all this to Muggles and is it any wonder why?
I think that if someone tells me that they’re trans, that they have a gender identity disorder, we need to take them at their word. And if they happen to tell me in addition that they’re a Double Tall, Nonfat, Half-Caf, Extra Hot Latte with Whipped Cream, Vanilla, Hazelnut, Almond, Raspberry, and Toffee Nut Syrup, Extra Foam, 2 packets of Sweet 'n' Low, 1 packet of Sugar, 1/2 pack of Equal, and Caramel Sauce, I’ll reply that I’m Earl Grey sweet, extra hot, smile and then ask them what all that means because even if I think I know, I could be wrong and who knows I might even make a new friend.
-Connie
P.S.
I wrote this about a year ago but recent events when talking with some people prompted me to dust it off again. Personally I can't wait for the the day that all of the labels can go away and we can leave it at, "Hello, my name is 'Connie' I'm pleased to meet you." -C
Comments
Transgender yes; seeking alteration no.
My identity is somewhere close to yours. The big question about being transgender, in my mind, is, "How are you coping with it?" By that I don't mean, "What are you doing about it?" although that may be part of the answer.
In my case, I knew somewhere around nine years of age that I was different from other boys, in that feminine activities, feminine clothes and friends that were female appealed to me. Also, I wasn't particularly interested in doing masculine things. I say "particularly," because you have to go along to get along, so did a little picking and choosing as to which masculine activities I did do.
Some were typical. Boy Scouts, (I joke that I couldn't pass the physical for Girl Scouts) was one of them. I liked all that outdoor stuff, the hiking and camping; pitching a cloth (Perma cotton) tent taught so it didn't leak in the rain, fire building, knot tying, all that goes with it. But then some girls like that kind of thing as well. My two girls love it. Because I attended a small grade school all the boys in seventh and eighth grade were expected to participate in basketball and softball. (There wouldn't be enough to field a team for the league if we didn't. I was a long way from being the star of the team in either sport and I can't say that I had a good time playing either as well.
Knitting, crocheting, sewing... I learned them vicariously when my sisters did, mostly by hanging around when they were taught. It was considered good form in my family for the males to be able to sew a button on themselves, so I was given access to needle and thread. As a result I taught myself to embroidery.
I grew up stuck in the male persona, married, fathered children and virtually did nothing about being different, aside from cross-dressing every chance I got. But then I was the only guy in the world who did such things. Remember, I'm nearly 70... no internet. It wasn't until the late 60s that I even heard the word transvestite.
OK, so how am I coping with all this? I was fortunate. The three times my father was confronted with my gender nonconformity he chose to do nothing, only once chiding me to not let anyone see me, because they'd think I was crazy. As a result, I grew up knowing I should keep it a secret, but bore no guilt or shame regarding my activity.
When my wife discovered it, she was too deeply invested (we'd had our first child) to get out of the marriage, so she hung in and for a decade we struggled as she learned to deal with it. Then as time went on and she got better at dealing with it and I got more freedom to express my feminine nature.
Today I have very few restrictions as to when and how I express that nature. My wife loves me for who I am, my children grew up knowing I preferred to wear women's clothes and have managed their own way of dealing with it and still love me. So I'm coping with being feminine in a male body. As a result, I'll not seek surgery to alter my genitalia, although if it weren't for those few restrictions, I would seek breast implants, just so I could go braless.
Others I've met and corresponded with have not had it so easy. Guilt and shame, leading to depression seem to be standard issue. My heart goes out to them. For many of them it's "transition or die." While I empathize with them, I struggle to identify with them. So I can see that some may think that I'm not at all like them, because I can see the vast difference.
However, like you, I still maintain that I am transgender(ed) I'm sorry but too many dictionarys list transgendered as an adjective referring to transgender person, so despite what GLAAD has to say, as a transgender person, I'm transgendered. If I were transgender my name would be Legion.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
It's so good to hear from you again
:)
Me, I am what I am and that is unlikely to change. Unrepentant drinker of Coke. :)
Thank you so much!
"But I have had people tell me that because I have not pursued hormone therapy and have no plans to pursue surgery not to mention that I don’t present to the world the gender I identify with, then I’m not trans, I’m either a cross-dresser when I do dress as the gender I identify with or I’m just someone seeking a thrill or some other such nonsense."
I too have suffered from this particular form of discrimination. When you're suffering from not being accepted by the world around you, it's tough to be further rejected by the people that you do identify with.
Liz
In the infamous words of Popeye the Sailor.....
"Iyam what Iyam."
In other words, only each individual person can determine who or what they truly are, and notwithstanding the accepted labels, we will only get beyond prejudices when we are capable of accepting each other that way. Labels serve only one purpose - to force all of us into predetermined stereotypes - silos if you will. The round peg into the round hole, the square peg into the square hole, und so weiter.
If asked to describe oneself, one must take the context of the discussion and the moment into account. In this discussion, I am a MTF, pre-op transgender individual, who does not yet present full time as female. I have in fact been on HRT for over a year, am currently working on changing my gender legally as well as my gender markers, and I have already. Roaches the subject with my family and my employer. I will be looking to begin presenting as female full time in the new year, God willing and the levee don't rise. However, whether or not I opt for full SRS is not a decision I have made at this time. I am leaning toward doing so, but it is a scary proposition and I have a long way to go yet before I reach that cross roads.
Oh yes, I am a large black, no sugar.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
scale / spectrum
and then there are those who fall somewhere else in between