Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery & Home

Cruise Diary – Day 8 - 10

This was getting a bit of a habit I thought as I awoke the next morning with a fuzzy head. If I’m not careful I’m going to turn into some sort of lush like Avril. I slipped out of bed and ran myself a glass of water before sliding back under the covers.

Just what had gone on in my head last night ?

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 6

It was barely light when I woke up the next morning. From bed I reached out and grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. Flicking through the channels I looked for BBC News hoping there might be something about Dad. Nothing just the usual stuff employment problems issues with the economy stuff that probably should have interested me but didn’t.

Being Me

By Karin Roberts

The Cruise – Voyage of Discovery

Cruise Diary – Day 4

“American Airlines Flight 53 to Chicago is now ready for boarding” I stopped and turned

“That’s me” I said a tremble in my voice, mum moved forward and the tears began.

“You take care Nikki, I love you so much and I’m going to miss you so much” she said both of us now sobbing freely.

The hug seemed to go on for ever then it broke Robert moved forward.

“You take care now daughter” he said it was the first time he had said that and the tears were freely flowing again and I could see mum from the corner of my eye still crying at will.

By Karin Roberts

I awoke the next morning refreshed and ready to go. The fact that when I looked in the mirror I saw Tracey staring back at me was still difficult to get used to. Padding across my room I entered the small bathroom and started the shower.

“You know I get more proud of you every time I see you” she said, I blushed slightly “No really! You’ve taken everything in stride, right from the moment you decided to be Nikki, and as much as I loved Craig I don’t remember or see him any more. I just see... my beautiful daughter.” she said extinguishing the cigarette and planting a motherly kiss on my cheek,

“I couldn’t have done it without your help and support though. I guess I must have just about the best mother in the world.” I said hugging her.

I looked at Eddie worried that this would change things between us.

“So did he hurt you” he asked.

“No Lesley came out and hit him and I managed to sneak off in the commotion. It doesn’t change anything between us, Oh and promise me you’ll leave it alone and not challenge Gordy about it?"

He looked at me and said “Why would it change anything? You know I love you and care for you. Just please be careful Nikki. I can’t think of what I would do if anything happened to you. I’ve lost enough in this lifetime. Losing you would just be the final straw.”

For the Business

By Karin Roberts

It started of innocently enough, an invite to a Halloween party for small business owners.

“Darling we really need to attend this” my wife said as she opened and sifted through the day’s mail.

“I hate Halloween, it’s just an excuse to get people to spend money” I replied

I turned at looked at Eddie laying in bed his half empty breakfast tray in front of him.
“What, what do you mean were millionaires” I stammered.
“Come here and sit down” he said patting the bed I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“It’s like this” he began...
 

"I’m sorry George." I said. It was the only response I could think of.

"What have you got to be sorry about? You got what you wanted!" Anger appeared in his tone of voice.

"I never meant for anything like what happened tonight to happen. You’ve got believe me!"

"Well it did didn’t it?" He picked up the whisky glass and hurled it across the room. It smashed into varying sized pieces onto the floor against the wall opposite me.

"George…" I nervously tried to say something. Fear was gripping me as I realized he might turn his violence onto me.

          “Oh, but I am going! Didn’t George tell you?” I could see the smile alter instantly as she glared at me from across the table.
          Sensing that I had inflicted a wound, I drove the knife a bit deeper. “Eh who is it? A Mr. Spiers? I think his wife’s in hospital. Anyway, Gavin play’s golf with him so he asked him for his spare ticket and he said it was ok.”
          I could see the look on Amanda’s face go from something between surprise and anger as she looked down into her cup.

She removed a strip from a box and smoothed it against my leg. So this is waxing? I prepared myself for the pain that was sure to follow. I might as well have prepared myself for two tigers to rip me apart. I can’t describe the pain that shot through me as she pulled the strip from my leg. I winced. My eyes watered, but I refused to scream like a girl. Like a girl? Who am I trying to kid? How many men do this?

“Ok I’ll leave it then, you’re are a grown man and Melissa is your daughter so it’s your decision. I just don’t think that after Grace you two should be apart. Ok it’s bound to happen that a good looking guy like yourself would meet somebody else. But just be careful. Neither of you can take another break up. So make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.” I said.

“There’s nothing to talk about. We can never be what you want us to be.”

“Why not?” he responded.

“Because I’m….”

“Yeah, you’re a guy.” he said.

I stopped. “You know?”

“Yeah I know. Now let’s get out of the cold. We can go into the all night café round the corner and talk,”

Moving his face to within centimetres of mine he said, “I know all about your kind; I’ve read articles and seen a few books on TVs. This is what they want; to be submissive, be tied up and have some guy take advantage of them.” he growled. Startled and scared by his actions I was silent as his hands wandered up my thighs and under my skirt and across my bottom “Well isn’t it? Look at you in your short skirt, tight top and high heeled boots, and made up like a tart; you’re begging for some guy to restrain you and have you aren’t you?” he added, fondling my breast forms.

I was scared and not sure what he was going to do...

“Good, come with me,” I said, and led him into the alley. My mind was racing what was I doing but I was excited at the same time. We stepped into the shadow and I turned my back to the wall and slipped my hand behind his neck and the other still holding my bag on to his waist and eased him towards me. Our lips met and opened with eager tongues finding each other and exploring our mouths as the passion increased.

While she was doing my face, Margo was working on my hair; with some curling tongs she put a slight curl on my fringe at the front and bottom of my hair. Lesley finished off my eyes with black mascara before outling my lips with a deep purple lip liner and then filling in the remainder of my lips with a pale lilac lipstick. Finished with my face both girls let me have a look at their creation. Looking back in the mirror was a very attractive seventeen year old–in fact I even fancied myself!

You see, Craigy, that’s what mates do, help each other out, now are you in or out?”

“Look this would only need to be a couple of times?” I asked.

“Sure.”

“Okay I’ll do it”

At that, George leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.
“Goodnight Alex.”
“Yeah… goodnight.”
I watched him go up the stairs and heard his room door close. I poured myself another drink and sat down, opening my bag and taking out my cigarettes to light one. Three or four more drinks later, and another couple of cigarettes, I was going to bed as well. My brain was in turmoil and had all sorts of thoughts running through it.
Amongst that turmoil, was a single, important question that I was trying to answer: What am I?

I dropped what I was doing and went over to him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with a content smile on my face. “Thanks George. You’re a star!” George slightly struggled to get out of my grip, a bit embarrassed by the situation. I kissed his cheek gently and let him go. A mix of confusion ran through his eyes as I just stood back and smiled at him.
 

“So what about Gavin watching us?”

“Every guy’s fantasy is watching two women having sex together - the way they touch each other, the sensuousness, the kissing....”
 

“I never felt so much pain in my life!! When she waxed my eyebrows, I nearly leapt out my seat! And how I’ll ever be able to pick something up with these talons? It's beyond me!”

Debbie picked up the two small packages I had bought and walked round the car to join me. As she reached me, Pete walked towards us.

I froze.
 

“You need to learn to flirt” she went on,"It's all part of the fun of life.”

“No, I don’t think they did. But you weren’t the one that was getting their leg felt up.”